It doesn't have to be forever

It doesn’t have to be forever.

Once I was really stuck in a situation I did not know how to get out of so much so that I was growing more and more depressed until one of my friends said to me, “You know Cath, your choice doesn’t have to be forever. You don’t have to stay if you’re unhappy.”

I remember a light bulb going off in my head because I didn’t think I had a choice. I thought because we had made a decision to uproot our family and move to another country there was no way that I could say I wanted to move back home.

I worried about what people would say because we were only gone for eight months. I worried about shattering my husband’s dreams. I thought about how I really felt and I knew no matter how hard I tried my heart was not in that location so it could never be my home because I truly believe home is where the heart is and my heart was definitely not there.

I remember hanging up the telephone after our conversation. I remember  looking at myself in the mirror for a long time trying to really find me in the sad face that was looking back at me. At first I couldn’t see until I replayed my friend’s advice over and over again in my mind and it was then that I knew I had to go. I had to accept that I was not a failure for our new adventure and home feeling wrong to me. I realised I would be a failure if I failed to do what my heart was telling me to do.

Failure does not come from doing. Failure comes from not starting at all. Failure is when we do not listen to our voice of reason coming from deep within.  As a matter of fact there is no such thing as failure – it’s just a matter of changing course. Making a decision.

I decided that day I was going to admit our move was not for me and I needed to change direction – to go back home, to go backwards in order to go forward and that’s what I did. I am finding myself in a similar situation where I may have to go backwards to go forward and again I was consumed by what people would say.  Until I realised that it’s my life and not theirs. The only person I have to answer to is myself.

And the one thing I know for sure is as my friend told me, it doesn’t have to be forever and I now know it won’t be because not even we last forever.