Misty brings a powerful sound of silence into our lives

Yesterday morning we were in such a rush because we were a little late leaving the house. We have a new addition to our family, Misty, our beautiful baby girl grey rabbit. We adopted her from the SPCA as a birthday gift for our baby girl’s 10^th birthday.

I have to admit being very skeptical about bringing a rabbit home because I knew nothing about rabbits except what I read about in the Peter Rabbit books.  But when I went to the SPCA to see what this rabbit was all about that our daughter kept going on about, I was immediately taken in by this little rabbit’s presence. There was something about her I cannot articulate that drew me to her instantly. I sat down and held her in my arms. A connection I cannot explain being reconnected.

I adopted her on the spot but had to wait until the Saturday before allowing my daughter to meet her. Misty was a surprise to her so when we walked into the SPCA on the Saturday, she was devastated to see Misty had been adopted. Not realizing she had been adopted by us for her. So when we asked her if she wanted to hold the rabbit, she said, “But she has already been adopted.” With much pathos I must add.

But we encouraged her to hold Misty and she did. Misty again snuggled in her arms and I could tell my daughter was in love. When I told her Misty was all hers, the expression on her face was priceless. Her eyes welled up and she held Misty that much tighter and kept saying thank you mommy over and over again. The love and appreciation in that animal shelter was so present that I felt like I could touch it.

We brought Misty home where my son and husband were waiting to meet her with the same amount of skepticism I had when I first thought of getting her.  But once they met her, they too were captivated by this gently silent but very expressive little rabbit. And she seemed to take to her new home as if she had been with us all the time. There was no turning back, Misty had captured hearts.

Now before leaving the house in the mornings, we clean out her hutch and make sure she has a run round the porch before she is left on her own. Quality time with Misty is so rewarding because though she speaks no words, I can feel her appreciation coming out of her whole being when we take her into our arms. When we stroke her cheek, she closes her eyes and I swear she purrs like a cat. She is a very affectionate little rabbit and loves to be loved.

Reminding me that even in the rush of life if we could just stop and appreciate the wonders of nature, we would lose all feelings of dread and fear. Instead we would see that everything and everyone has a role to play in this world we live in. When I take Misty out of her cage in the morning, she looks at me like I am the best thing ever. Her little nose twitches. And she gently waits to be touched and patted and stroked. My tension eases out with each stroke I make on her soft, soft fur.

And then I sit with my daughter and watch her hop round the porch. Eating the flowers that fall from the hanging basket. Exploring every facet of the porch and again it is then that I understand the wonders of life. That sometimes we just have to take the time to stop and watch life. Stop and stand to the side so we can see what is right there in front of us.

And that’s what little Misty has done for me. For us. We rush home to make sure she gets her time out of the cage. The neighborhood children come rushing over to see her as well. She is like this little magnet that is drawing people to her. And she doesn't even speak. But yet we all feel she is communicating and connecting with us. Like she is speaking directly to us.  Our little bundle of joy helping us to slow down, stop and enjoy loving her. And in doing so we soothe our own souls.

Allowing met to understand that in silence comes life’s meaning because when we take the time to stop and be fully present in our stillness, we hear the sound of silence. The sound of love. The sound of  life. The sound of  gratitude. Loud and clear. The powerful sound of silence.

Everything happens for us. Not to us.

“We have forgotten in those dark moments that everything happens FOR us instead of TO us. We have forgotten that the only things holding us back in life is not our circumstances, but our beliefs about our circumstances. And when we change the beliefs and take constant and persistent action towards them - we change our lives for GOOD!” Mastin Kipp, the Daily Love

I saw this line the other day in Mastin Kipp’s Blog, The Daily Love, and I just had to steal it because it resonated so much with me. Right now I am involved in several situations where people are being asked to change their beliefs about the circumstances they find themselves in. And it is like beating my head up against the wall. Because everyone is blaming everyone else for the circumstances they are in rather than admitting we all played a part in where we are right now. And instead of blaming, we need to reflect internally and act rather than point fingers at others.

I feel as if many of us have become immune to our own internal voices and instead take great comfort in blaming everyone else for the circumstances we find ourselves in.

If only there was a way that I could have this quote become our internal mantra. Something that whenever I meet someone who believes it is someone outside of them that is causing them the most angst, I could trigger them to remember they have the power to change. To remind them to look inside themselves. To listen to that voice that always knows.  If only I could then we would see a significant shift in mindset and intention and as a result a shift in situations we thought were impossible to change.

If every one of us could wake up in the morning with continuous thoughts of joy, gratitude and abundance rather than scarcity, sadness and fear, we would see there is so much good in our lives. Even on our darkest days, we would see life offers us so much but we are so busy stumbling in the dark that we can’t and won’t see the light.

And we don’t accept that everything no matter how bad that happens in our lives, as Mastin so eloquently stated, happens for us not to us. By that he is saying, and I concur, that when something happens, it happens to help us to grow. To learn. To understand our place in this world. To make us stronger. To make us more compassionate. To be what we were sent here to be.

And sometimes what happens brings us to our knees and in some cases flat out on the ground but when these situations occur, if we take the time to learn from them, we will see they were sent to us to help us rise again. To be even better than we were before.  We will see the gift of even our darkest days when we accept the ups and downs of life. Because we will learn that no matter what circumstances we may find ourselves in, those circumstances were delivered to us especially to free us from the shackles of our own minds.

Remembering always everything that happens in our lives, happens for us and not to us. Shifting our mindset from blaming others to owning every circumstance, situation and encounter as gifts from the Universe to help us to be who we were sent here to be. Imagine what our lives would be like then....

10 years ago today

10 years ago today I was blessed with a little girl who came to balance my family. Who from the moment she decided to enter the world, did so with her eyes wide open. Seeing exactly what it is she wants out of life and going for it. Never allowing fear to stop her from trying anything. Do anything even when she may “fail”, she does not stop. She keeps going until she achieves whatever it is her heart desires. And if in the end, she does not get it, she gets disappointed and may cry but she accepts it was not her time or her place. And she tells herself and us if it is meant for her she will get something better.

My little girl teaches me every single day more about life than I ever would have learnt without her presence in my life and she is only 10 years old today. She is a dynamo. Confident. Beautiful and full of life. I wish I had the nerve and self confidence she has when I was her age. I wish I knew the things she knows at her age. And for that reason, I encourage her to explore her whole self. To try new things to see if they resonate with her. Giving her the capacity to see the world is her oyster and if she so chooses to open the oyster, she will find the pearl made just for her inside.

We expose her to as much as we can so that she alone can uncover her own strengths and weaknesses. Allowing her the skills to go out into the world as a balanced young lady. Not afraid to fail. Instead learning that in failure, she discovers that much more about who she is and who she isn't.

She is charming. Independent during the day but at night still sneaks into our bed and attaches her little body to mine as if we are one again. Reminding me that we are one. She is of me and of my husband. As she is of my son. A combination of us all.

Early this morning, I looked down at her head resting under my chin and I watched her little body rising and falling as she breathed in her sleep and thought about how fast my little girl is growing up. The length of her body about three quarters of mine. Thinking where has the time gone? Where has 10 years gone? And how has she grown so tall?

Realizing she is well on her way to womanhood now that she has entered double digits.  And I know it will only be a matter of time before she won’t be sneaking into our room at night anymore. Only a matter of time before my baby girl no longer needs the comfort and security of curling up to me as she grows from girl to woman. My eyes welling up at the thought of life moving on. Of her moving on.  Snuggling my head into her head of curls. Inhaling her essence self so I won’t forget these special moment when we are joined together as one as we were when she was growing inside me.

I can’t believe that little bundle of joy that flew out of me 8 days early at 12.45 am. Then crawled up my stomach to seek her food and started to nourish herself is now 10 years old today. Balancing our home with equal female energy as male energy. That little girl who captured our hearts right from the beginning is still capturing our hearts today.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl. Ten years old and accepting of her birthright to be a silent warrior who was sent here for a purpose and taking on the mission to discover her life’s purpose all on her own. And we will continue to encourage her along the way. With love and light I, am grateful for being blessed with my little Gemini theatrical wonder. We are blessed as a family. 

10 year ago today I was sent an angel to help me to spread my wings as I help her to spread her own. Namaste my beauty. My angel. My heart. Continue to be who you are with love and grace. She was born on a Thursday and they say Thursday's child is full of grace. And that she is. That she is.

Love is a funny thing

Love is a very funny thing. Exciting when it is new. Making us barely able to breathe because we can’t get enough of the passion and sensation that run through our bodies. At first it is a physical thing. Very surface. And despite the red flags we may feel about the person we have fallen hopelessly in love with, we dismiss them. Store them away. Too infatuated to want to spoil the moment. Because we are too giddy with the physical attraction of love.

Eventually the passion starts to wane. We settle into more of a routine. No longer seeing the physical traits of the person we love. Moving beyond the surface to a deeper more challenging love. At this stage we begin to see the very thing that attracted us to the person in the first place is the very thing that begins to repel us. Starts to grate on us. Irritate us to no end. Until we realize the reason why it does is because it is reflecting back to us the very thing we need to work on.

True love is just that. We attract the person into our lives that has the trait or traits that we need the most. In other words, the person we choose to love and to remain with is the person who is our greatest teacher. They are the ones who will challenge us the most to be the best we can be and also the worse we can be. Because that person gets to see the most intimate facets of who we are. The person behind the façade that goes out into the world.

The person that hurts about certain aspects of life. The person who has phobias about certain things. The vulnerable person only meant for the true love of our lives to see, love and nurture. But in some instances, particularly with puppy love, that love is not sustainable. It is a love that is meant to show us how capable we are of loving. It is to introduce us to love and to heartache. To grow us from being a child into an adult. So when those young loves don’t last, even though we think the world has ended and we will never love again, we will. And what we discover is the next love will take us to an even deeper place within our being. An even deeper place of love than we ever imagined. Because our hearts have been opened to the possibility of love.

Love is a very funny thing. It is not like the fairy tales where everyone rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after. It is more enduring than that if we allow it to grow us. Happily ever after means sometimes getting it wrong. Sometimes realizing we are not ready for the lesson our love brings and walking away. Sometimes feeling like we will never love again. Or wondering why we love.

But at the end of the day, there is no greater feeling than the feeling of love. That feeling that makes us feel invincible. Like we can walk on water. Like nothing is impossible. Like the world was designed just for us. So the question becomes would you rather have loved than never to have loved at all?

I know my answer is I am glad to know love. To have experienced the loves and hurts along the way to arrive at the love of my life, my husband of 21 years, who still challenges me on a daily basis. As I do him. But I know he is my love. As I am his. And I would not trade us for the world. Because love is a very funny thing. A beautiful thing. A love thing that we don’t understand until we allow it fully into our hearts, minds and soul. Expanding the possibility of who we are. Because love colours the world differently. Allowing us to see the beauty and tragedy in everything.

After all we are born of love. Creatures of love. Without it, there would be no us. So how could we not allow ourselves the pleasure and pain of that which grows us -Love. And only love.

@Zach Sobiech - a story of life

My 9 year old daughter came home last week and told me there was an 18 year old boy that died from cancer. Her Art teacher had shown them the video. I flippantly said to her there are lots of children that die from cancer. So what was so special about the boy? She said she didn't know but it was really sad to know he died.

The next morning I sat down at my computer and there was an email from The Upworthiest with a lead line that said, “The World’s Greatest Boyfriend Died at 18 – Then the Internet Made him Immortal.” Of course being the romantic that I am, I opened the link. And as I started watching the story, I realized it was the boy my daughter had been trying to tell me about. A young man called Zach Sobiech.

I didn't have much time to watch the video as I had to get everyone up for school and out the door. But I watched about 17 minutes of it because I could not take my eyes off Zach’s story. How could I with one of his lines being, “You don’t have to find out you’re dying to start living.” That line was among many that sent chills done my spine. And to see how full of life he was and to watch his family though they knew he was dying, try to help him live out his last days as if they were truly his last. Sometimes forgetting that he was in his last days.

The joy that was surrounding Zach and his family was infectious. His story was not just about an 18 year old dying. It was a story about an 18 year old living out his last days as fully as he possibly could and his parents and sisters and brother allowing him to experience his last days as if they were precious. They did so by accepting their son and brother was dying.

Watching his story, I knew this boy was being sent to me and to those of us living on the fringes of life to wake us up to truly live our lives. Not take one moment for granted. I felt as if he was speaking directly to me when he said, “Most people love their lives in the middle. Because it’s safe. But I have to live my life in extreme because I’m dying.”

I skipped to the end because I wanted to see how the story ended only to discover there was no true ending on the video. It was Zach telling his family how much he loved and appreciated them. It was the sound of his voice singing the song he wrote for his girlfriend called Clouds. Words I will forever more here in my head. A haunting song,

I sat down with my 14 year old son yesterday morning so we could watch Zach’s story together.  I wanted him to see that life has to be lived to the fullest. To not take anything for granted. To experience all he can and to know he is loved. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Watching him feel the emotions of the family in the video.

I turned to him when Zach’s mother was talking about how proud she was to have been his mother and said, “I pray I never have to be that mother and have to bury either you or your sister. But if I do, I hope I have the opportunity to do exactly as this family has done. To say goodbye properly to each other. To know the end is coming and to make every moment of each day special. I wish I had something like this of my mother.”

He looked at me and nodded. Neither of us speaking. But fully feeling the impact of my words without the need to speak. Me thinking I wish I had something of my mother so I could remind people she did exist. That she was here. And not a figment of my imagination. So my children could see her and hear her voice. I wish.  It’s a wonderful thing that SoulPancake made this video for Zach and for his family to have forevermore. Immortalising him so people will remember his name. Remember he existed.

And when the story ended my son and I talked and I said, “Zach was a very special boy who came here to remind us all that life is for living. Full out living. Not in the middle where it is safe. But in the extremes so when the time comes for this physical journey to end, we can close our eyes and go to sleep with the words of Zach’s song, Clouds,

“And we’ll go up, up, up 
But I’ll fly a little higher 
We’ll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer 
Up here my dear 
It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now.”

If you have time, watch this video. It is not just a story about an 18 year old dying of cancer. It is a story of family, life, acceptance and love.

www.Upworthy.com

www.SoulPancake.com

Dr. Maya Angelou lesson on forgiveness helped to free me

Last night after a totally beautiful Bermuda day with my family, I sat down when my children and their friends were off playing to watch Oprah and Maya Angelou on an old SuperSoul Sunday. And was I glad I did. Because watching these two powerful, inspiring and enlightened women helped me to come to terms with a lesson I have been grappling with.  A lesson I have been struggling with but did not know if I was dealing with it in the manner I was meant to. And these two ladies helped me to bring some closure to a situation involving forgiveness and broken trust.

I am a person who is willing to forgive. A person who tries to see things from all angles and tries to put myself in the place of whomever it is that is attacking me. Recognizing that often when I am being attacked, the attack is not about me but rather about the person who is attacking. Very easy to see and understand when the person attacking is not someone who was very special to us. Very easy to do when we have no close connection to the attacker.

But when it is someone that was very close to us, it is very hard to just turn our feelings off. It is very hard to just close the door without feeling some pain and hurt having to make that decision. It is on those occasion that we have to dig very deep and go through the pain and hurt and separation in order to accept as Maya Angelou said so eloquently last night, “When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.”

It is not for me or for anyone else to change anyone else. The only person we have control over is ourselves and the way we respond to the attack. And sometimes that means just closing the door. Further enforced for me when Oprah asked Maya Angelou what is one of the greatest  lessons she has learned and Dr. Angelou responded, her mother told her to forgive.

It was then that I realized I was being led to the conversation by the Force greater than me who was leading me to the answer I was seeking.  Particularly when Dr. Angelou said, “I forgive it. I don’t anoint it with anything. I just forgive it.”

Oprah then asked Dr Angelou when you forgive someone,  does not mean you invite them into your house after that?

To which Dr. Angelou responded with conviction, “No not at all. When I forgive you, it means I am done. I am finished with you. Go away. Not go away and harm someone else. I do so because I have to protect myself.”

To which Oprah said, " I have to be willing to take care of me first then I have enough to take care of myself first.”

And that’s when it all clicked for me. I have been thinking that forgiveness means then I open the door again when in fact it does not. Forgiveness means I hold no malice to the person or people who have wronged me and I don’t.  It does not mean I have to open my heart again to allow them in. I just have to simply be comforted in knowing it is time to move on and let go. And that is exactly what I have done and will continue to do.

When someone betrays trust and crosses a line in a relationship it is up to us to decide if we can invite them back in and if we can’t we forgive their transgression with love and let them go. To live our lives separately and they can live theirs separately.

Forgiveness means honoring the place in us as we honor the place in others. Freeing us both from guilt and allowing us the space to move on with our lives with love and respect. 

In gratitude to children

Yesterday was Global Giving Day at my company where we go out into the community and give back.  And despite being exceedingly busy at work, I decided I would go out into the community and do my part particularly when I discovered that one of the choices was to go to a school and spend time with children.  I have always wanted to teach so I jumped at the opportunity to be in the presence of children. And the experience went beyond my expectations.  I loved every minute of it.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. The air felt fresh and I felt so privileged to have been given the honor of spending time with children. Children who don’t always get a lot of visitors to their schools. Who don’t often get exposed to all the opportunities my children and other children do. And it was such an inspiring day to be with these children.

And what I learnt from them yesterday was no matter where we come from. No matter what we look like, no matter our story, at the end of the day all we want is someone to look us in the eyes and treat us like we matter. Validate our existence. Let us know what we think, feel and say is important.

Some of the children came into my circle with huge attitudes like what are you crazy people here to do. Like they were anticipating being bored by us adults who had no clue who they were or what their stories were. When I found out which group I was going to get I stood to the side of them for a while and listened to them. To hear the sorts of comments they were making. To watch their body language. To try to gage how best to win them over. To break through the armour some of them were wearing to protect themselves from being hurt.

And before I got them in the circle I went over and talked to them about the parade their school had put on just before we got there. Two of the boys immediately told me they had been in the parade. Dancing the gombeys. One was proud that he had been in it. The other angry because he thought the parade was boring. And when I probed further I discovered it was because he did not have the time or space to shine. To do his own individual dance because the parade was so tight. Discovering he was not being disrespectful. Instead he was just disappointed that he did not get the spotlight he so craved.

Once I got them in the circle, I had their numbers so instead of being overbearing I led them by letting them believe they were in charge. But letting them choose how to answer. How to remember my colleagues and  because I knew they needed to feel important. And also I gave them the option of participating or observing because some of them were so tough due to their own circumstances that they did not want to show anyone of us including their peers their weaknesses. Life to them already meant suiting themselves up in armour every single day and there was no way they could show they cared or were weak.

I could feel it from their energy. I could tell the ones who had love and understanding in their homes. And I could tell the ones who were on their own fighting for their own survival. And I tried to honour the place each one of those children were. Remembering they were my daughter’s age. Remembering it was only a few years later that I became like some of the ones hiding their stories, fighting for survival, trying to be heard. And I wanted them to see and understand nothing is impossible if they believe. Nothing is out of their reach if they have faith.

Such that by the time we did the dream big exercise even the toughest of the tough of the children was excited and ready to express his or her desires through writing, drawing or however else he or she wanted. And when they were done, several of them were so proud of what they had done, that they wanted me to read it our loud to them. To see the light in their eyes when they I read their dreams back to them was like winning the lottery. Pure and unobstructed joy.

I walked away from that experience feeling so fulfilled, so inspired, so grateful. Hoping that from that small interaction I helped to open the eyes and heart of at least one child to the world around them. Children are precious and fragile. They are what we adults do not what we say. They observe and take in our energy and become that because they are like sponges trying to find their own rhythm. Their own place in this big wide world.

My experience yesterday was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had in a long time. And it made me realize just how important it is to be there for our children. Not just in criticizing and chastising them but in building them up as well. Spending time with them. Validating them because as Wayne Dyer says, “Your children will see what you are about by what you live rather than what you say.”

I picked my children up from school yesterday and really talked and listened to them. Laughed with them. And enjoyed them because I know I only have a short time in their lives to show them what I am about.

In gratitude to the beautiful children I spent time with yesterday for reminding me just how much our children really need us to be the example we want them to be; not by our words but by the way we live our lives. And for reminding me we are always learning. Always teaching.

Slow down and listen to the Voice of the All Knowing.

Today I am asking myself to just breathe. To inhale and exhale as much as I can. To steady my breath through the many different directions I find myself pulled in. To slow my brain down so I can hear the thoughts rushing through it. So I can filter what I need and what I don’t rather than trying to process the barrage of thoughts bombarding through my mind.

And so this morning I sat for a while and stared out the window. Allowing my breathing to ease. My thoughts to slow down. My pressure to noramlise. Until I felt a peace flow through me as the Universe and every atom and cell in my body told me I can only do what I can. I can only be who I am. I can only give what I am capable of giving. And then I continued to sit for a while. In silence. Allowing the wisdom of the All Knowing to wash over me. Through me. Centering me. Focusing me. Once again. Reconnecting me back to the Source.

And then I exhaled. A long and reflecting exhale because I understood and felt  the abundance and fortune in my life. All the doors that have opened , are opening and will continue to open for me when I practice gratitude for all that I am. Was and ever will be. For stopping and reflecting on the beautiful place I live in. The glorious weather my home has been experiencing over the last few days. The peace and serenity of nature for us at the moment.

Forcing me to question what in the world is it that I have to be ungrateful for or stressed about when  the people in Oklahoma have been grieving the loss of their sense of security from the massive tornado that ripped through one of their cities. Destroying people’s livelihoods, families and sense of belonging.

Forcing me to question further what in the world do I have to worry about when I have brothers and sisters in Oklahoma who have nothing now. Whose very sense of being has been shaken to the core by the wrath of Mother Nature. All while I have been basking in the glory of Mother Nature. Making me realize just how fortunate we are here in Bermuda. Just how fortunate I am to be here.

So to feel like the world is on top of me because of choices I have made when there are so many people suffering around the world. So many people whose lives have been changed forever. I felt guilty for my feelings of lack.

So  I stared out the window some more. At the start of another glorious day. At the opportunity for me to go out into the world with a sense of purpose and gratitude.  With my mind, heart, body and soul full. Knowing even in the midst of stress and worry, if I remember all that I have to be grateful for, if I remember to inhale deeply and exhale slowly, if I remember to look outside at the beauty of where I am, I will know I can deal with anything because I am a reflection of the environment I am in. I am a co-creator of my experience and it is up to me to deal with where I find myself from the deepest place of gratitude.

And so I am. And so I will. I am going out today from a place of gratitude rather than attitude. And I am also sending love and light out to all my brothers and sisters, no matter where they may be, who are experiencing hardship, strife and destruction. Hoping they will once again find their place of gratitude too.  

Remembering always to stop in the midst of turmoil and to look around me, to inhale and exhale so I can find that place of gratitude always present and waiting for me to return. Centering me. Focusing me on the now. The present moment. Remembering everything is relative to our individual experiences in life when we slow down and listen. Listen to the voice and wisdom of the All Knowing.

There is no such thing as the boogeyman

What happens when we no longer trust each other? Become suspicious of each other? Fear each other? And no longer feel we can work together?

What happens when we close doors on each other and refuse to open them even when we are bleeding to death? What happens when we lose hope? When we feel there is nothing left?

These are feelings and sentiments I saw and heard first hand recently. And I have to say it is worrying. We are losing connection with each other. Becoming isolated from each other. Blaming others, “them” for what is happening to us. The strange thing is none of us can say who the” them” is that is causing us such angst. None of us can identify what it is “they” are doing to us.

 There are a handful of people willing to stand up and be accounted for. A handful of people who are willing to step out of life’s mediocrity and raise their hands to stem the flow of blood. But in general it is hard to hear their voices over the rising tide of apathy, indifference and cynicism.

It takes a brave person to stand before his or her peers and speak. To let his voice be heard. To express what she is feeling. And the reason it does is because we have become so judgmental. So afraid. So cynical that we are not willing to stand out. Instead we hide safely in the background taking swipes at those who dare to want to effect change.

The only way we will ever effect change is to be the change we want to see. To embody the passion rather than the suspicion that will help us to move out of the place we have become stuck in. Entrenched in.

We need to stop trying to take big bold steps and start out small. One step at a time until we gain the confidence again to stride and to stride with our heads held high. Full of purpose and dignity. Full of pride and honour. Too many of us are allowing outside forces to confine us. Define us. When it is really up to us to define who we are and what we want.

As long as we keep believing there is a boogeyman out there who is keeping us down, we will always be down. We will always find doors slamming in our faces. As a matter of fact we may not even realize there is a door that could be opened for us because we are so busy hiding from the boogeyman. A figment of our imaginations. A figment created to instill fear in our minds.

The only way we will begin to trust, to become less suspicious, to not fear and to work together will be when we finally stand up and confront the “them”. The boogeyman.  When we recognize the only boogeyman that exists is the one we create inside. There is no such thing as a boogeyman.  The boogeyman was created as a childhood nemesis to keep us in our places. To make us fear the unknown. To make us fear venturing outside our comfort zones.

We now have to shake the boogeyman in order to free ourselves from the apathy that is spreading like a virus through our communities in order to see there is a door. In order to have the hope that we can open that door and fling it open to once again accept and understand we are deserving of the abundance and the possibility that is so readily available to us all. Not just to “them”. But to us all.

In order to effect change we have to be the change we want to see. Remembering always there is no such thing as a boogeyman except for the one we create for ourselves. Shake that childhood figure of our imagination out of our heads so we can enjoy all that is meant for us. We deserve it. WE are worthy. 

Light seekers can only remain in the dark for so long

Sometimes people push too far. Demand too much. And then they wonder why others let them go. They wonder why the door has been closed. They push too far until others decide enough is enough and they walk away. Without shame. Without doubt.

And then when they realize they have gone too far, they still don’t stop. They can’t stop because they are so addicted to the very thing they thought they hated. So they sneak and pry and try to still remain in the fringes of other’s lives. Not for the good of those they have pushed too far but because they are so afraid they are missing something. So afraid that the other may have something they don’t. So afraid that life has turned the tables on them that they don’t know what else to do but lurk in the shadows of the lives of others.

There are some that are so negative that they thrive on drama and the lives of others because they can’t stand to look at their own lives and their own faces in the mirror. Instead it is always someone else’s fault. Never their own. So they believe. Until there is no one left to blame. Until all doors have been shut in their faces. Until there is no one left who will listen to their negativity. Until there is no one left willing to have all of their light drained. Until there is no one left except themselves. Until they have to really take stock of who they are and who they aren't. Because there is no one left for them to blame.

There are some people who try to live the lives of others. Who need others to know who they are. Who need others to measure themselves against. Rather than being who they are. They find others and attach themselves to try to define who they are. Measure against.  Compare themselves with. Compete with. Until there is no one left for them to compete with. Compare themselves against. Negate. Until there is no one left but themselves to deal with. Until there is no one left but themselves.

And then what do they do? Who do they become? What have they always been? The answer is up to them to realize that life is not all about them. Life is about truth seeking. Not mudslinging. Life is about abundance and sharing. Not scarcity and hoarding. Life is about finding our individual paths and then branching out to make room for others to join in. It is not about cutting off the path so that others may not flourish.

Life is about the energy we put out there always.  The energy that resonates from deep within our beings. The energy that is our essence selves. Not the fake energy we put out for the world to see. But the energy that is truly coming from our inner most selves. Our core. And it attracts like energy. Darkness or light. And when the darkness tries to overpower the light, the light seekers move away and go to where there is more light. To where their light can shine. Not where it is constantly dimmed. Not where the dark is constantly trying to steal its light.

So in order to attract the light we need, we have to be the light we want to be. Darkness begets darkness. Not light. Darkness drains energy. Not gives it. Darkness seeks negativity. Not positivity. Not the light. Light seekers can only remain in the dark for so long. But once they see and feel the light, it is very difficult for them to go back into the darkness. So it is up to the dark to find the light and be in it. Not the other way round. Never the other way round. 

I have always known I have a story to tell

I have always known I had a story to tell. A story to write. A story to share. I have always known I was meant to write. To share. To tell stories. I have always known.

But then I let fear and the desire for perfection to creep in. Stopping me from telling my story. Stopping me from writing my story. Stopping me from sharing because I allowed myself to believe I was not good enough. That I did not deserve to stand out from the pack. That my place was safely mired in mediocrity.

I listened to people telling me everyone wants to be a writer. That there are loads of writers out there. Better than me. More talented than me. More connected then me.

I allowed myself to doubt. To box myself in. Because I was afraid that people would not read what I wrote. Would not be interested in my story. Would think who does she think she is. I allowed the voices of people outside of me diminish my life. Plant seeds in my head

I allowed myself to listen to the naysayers who laughed at my first attempt to write a book. The book that for some reason is now reaching more people than I ever believed because of the criticism I got when it first came out.  I allowed myself to  stay in the mediocrity lane because I was afraid of rejection. Afraid of failure.

And then yesterday my husband asked me to listen to the words of a wise man, Leonard Cohen. A man who has seen his own darkness. Who has been to the valley of death and back again. A man who poetically said, “I could not find a voice. It was only when I read, even in translation, the works of Larka. I understood there is a voice. I did not copy his voice. I did not dare.  But he gave me permission to find a voice. To locate a voice.  That is to locate a self. A self that is not fixed. A self that struggles for its own existence. And as I grew older, I understood that instructions came with this voice. What were these instructions? The instructions were never to lament casually and if one is to express the great inevitable defeat that awaits us all, it must be done within the strict confines of dignity and beauty and so I had a voice but I did not have an instrument. I did not have a song. …I was an indifferent guitar player…. I never in a thousand years thought of myself as a musician or as a singer.”

Those words yesterday awakened something in me that I did not know was even there. It awakened me to myself. To my writer self. To that self that has been lurking beneath the surface for many years but has been afraid to raise her head because I have not allowed her. Because I have suppressed her. Keeping her safely within the confines of the lines I have allowed others to draw for me. 

But Cohen’s words allowed me the capacity to accept it is now time for me to allow her to be free. To accept at some point in our lives we will all face defeat. And as long as we are able to do so within the strict confines of dignity and beauty, we will always find our voice. Our voice of self. Of truth. Of freedom to be who we are meant to be. Outside the lines of what society and those around us try to draw for us. Define us by. Confine us by.

Remembering always poetry (and writing) come from a place that no one commands or conquers. It is a gift that it just there. When I reach deep. When I let go. Without expectation or fear. When I surrender to that self that is struggling for its own existence.

Thank you Leonard Cohen for helping me to accept I have  story to tell. I am a writer and I deserve all I am worthy of when I believe and accept the self that is not fixed. When I claim my voice. 

A tear for my mother May 18

May 18. Without even knowing the date, I always wake on this day with a feeling of unease. A feeling of fear. Uncertainty and sadness. As I did this morning.

I looked outside when I got up as I always do and even outside seemed sad. Grey and gloomy. The air heavy. Dread. What is it with today I thought. Hot flashes taking over my body from head to toe. Any woman going through perimenopause or menopause knows what I am talking about. But these flashes were different somehow. Like they were coming from a deep part of my feminine spirit. A place of longing. A place of need.

How could I have shifted from being on top of the world just yesterday to feeling like I was depressed and sad I wondered? What in the world is wrong with me I thought?

And then I sat down to read my morning meditation and there was the date right in front of me. Providing me with my much needed answer. Today is May 18. Transporting me instantly back to 1976. Back to the fragile 13 year old girl finding out that the person who meant the world to her. The person who was her world had been ripped away from her forever. The day I found out I was to be forevermore a motherless daughter. Even as I type, tears are stinging at my eyes. The feeling of hopelessness and wretchedness tearing through every atom and cell of my physical being. My emotional and spiritual being feeling like time is standing still. Erasing the 37 years that have elapsed since that terrible day when my mother was taken away.

I need to inhale I tell myself. Inhale deeply then exhale slowly grounding me back to this present moment. Taking me away from the 13 year old broken girl. Transporting me back to the 50 year old woman I am today. The 50 year old woman who has somewhat mended the broken wings of the 13 year old girl. Particularly when my 9 year old soon to be 10 year old daughter comes walking into the room. Her very presence grounding me further. I fight back the tears as she walks by me with her Ipad singing songs from her heart. Like an angel. Such joy and freedom in her whole presence.

I smile with gratitude then. My whole being tingling again. Feeling alive again. Knowing despite my fears of motherhood. Despite my fears of having children and dying young that becoming a mother is one of the most beautiful things I have done in my life. Having children and being a fully present mother allows me to realize just how much love there is in the world. That my mother’s death prepared me to really and truly be a mother. To be present in my children’s lives and not to take any aspect of their lives or mine for granted. That to be a mother is a gift from the Universe. A gift to keep me grounded and living in the present because that’s what children do.

Children very rarely think about tomorrow or even yesterday. There is too much time for them between the past and the future. To them the present is enough for them to do what they need to do. Forcing me to be fully present in this moment. Inhaling and exhaling. Gratitude flowing through my teary eyes.

 And then I thank my mother and the Universe for preparing me to be the mother I am today. The person I am today. The sadness replaced with wonderment and acceptance. Because grief is an emotion that comes and goes. Like waves washing over but for the moment at least I have an understanding that my mother died 37 years ago today so I can be the mother I am today.

Now the day does not feel as grey and dull as it did before. I still have a tear in my eye. I will always miss my mother because there is nothing like the love and security of a mother’s love and guidance. But I feel her presence with me whenever I need it and I know she did the best she could for me and for my brothers and sisters in the time she had with us just as I am for my children. Not taking any aspect of their lives or mine for granted.

I miss you mama more than words could ever express and I am so grateful to have had an angel like you in my life for 13 years. I would not be who I am without you. With much love and gratitude rest in peace mama. Rest in peace. An angel in my life forever.

Some days I am better than others

Some days when I wake up I know exactly what I am going to do. Other days I wake up and don’t know what to do at all.

Some days I wake up full of creativity, possibility and space. Other days I wake up feeling stifled, full of doubt and claustrophobic.

Some days I can’t seem to open my eyes. Nor my mind. Nor my soul. Other days my eyes are wide open. My mind is like a sponge and my soul soars.

Some days I feel like I can’t breathe because of all the burdens I feel I am carrying. Other days my breathing is free and easy because I am grateful for all I am carrying.

Some days I feel on top of the world. Other days the world feels like it is on top of me.

Some days I feel so generous. So free spirited. Other days I want to hoard. Not share. But keep everything for myself.

Some days I want to sing and dance and shout at the top of my lungs that I am so grateful for everything I am. Other days I want to run and hide and feel bad for everything I am not.

Some days I am so sure of who I am and what I am meant to do. Other days I question my authenticity and what I am not doing.

Some days I am full of joy and laughter. Others days I feel heavy and defeated.

Some days like this morning I wake up thinking why am I feeling  so harassed at the moment. Why am I being pulled in so many directions that I feel like I can’t do anything? Why do I feel so stretched that I am not good enough for anything or anyone?

And then like this morning I get out of bed. Inhale deeply. Close my eyes and meditate. Allowing every thought bombard my mind without intrusion or interference. Watch the thoughts darting back and forth in my mind’s eye. Listening to them all. Without filtering.

And when they are done, I exhale deeply and slowly. Releasing them and my doubts to the Universe. Feeling some relief for allowing the thoughts to be heard.

And then I open the blinds letting in the promise of this new day. Breathing in the stillness of the morning. The chirping of the birds. The green of the trees. The space out there. Letting go of the confinement of indoors. Of my thoughts. Waiting until I feel my sense of purpose rushing back through my whole mind, body and spirit.

Allowing me to understand life is all about the choices I make. It is also about balance. No two days will ever be the same for me because every single day I am growing and changing and exploring. Every day I am coming closer to understanding my innermost self. And each day I am being tested to see what it is that I really want out of life and that’s why some days are easier than others. And always will be. Because each emotion and action has an equal and opposite reaction and feeling.

In order to appreciate the good sometimes I will feel the bad. Because without the opposite how could I know any better or appreciate just how fortunate I truly am.

And already my mind set, my spirit and my body is tingling. Drinking in all the abundance that is so readily available to me. To all of us. Shifting me out of doubt into purpose. Knowing I am an imperfect being living in an imperfect world. Trying to leave my mark in as positive a way as I am capable of leaving. Touching someone by embracing all my imperfections but still going out in the world with a sense of love and light and compassion.

Some days I will be better than others because some days I am meant to be. Other days I am not. And I embrace that and accept it as my gift to teach and learn. Learn and teach.

And now the light is pouring through my windows. The dark had receded with the night, Making way for this new day. This new beginning. And boy am I grateful now for being given this present moment. Ready and armed to go out into the world today full of purpose, intent, love, light and compassion. Embracing the dichotomy of life as one of my greatest gifts.

In reverence to two tall palms

There are two palms

Tall and majestic

Outside my bathroom window

Across the way

Just close enough for me to see them

Not touch them

But feel them

Their energy pouring into my soul

Their essence connecting me back

To the Source

The One Source

That is them

That is me

That is us

I watch them swaying in the breeze

Dancing rhythmically

From side to side

Gracefully

Gently

Poetically

I watch them as the sun sets

Radiant light behind them

Casting hues of orange

Red

Autumn

Endings

I watch them in the morning

When the night is giving way to the dawn

The light behind them

Casting hues of black

Blue

White

Beginnings

I watch them swaying

Gently

Poetically

Majestically

As if nothing can touch them

Nothing can hurt them

I watch them adjusting to the weather

No matter what

Their fronds waving up and down

Side to side

Their trunks hard and strong

Flexing

Swaying

Wondering how they can be hard to touch

Difficult to move

Yet rock poetically in the breeze

Stand up to any weather

But have such delicately thin trunks

I wonder what they know

What they have seen

How they don’t snap

From the weight of their tops

I watch the two palms

Across the way

Whenever I can

Because they remind me

Of how life existed before I came

And will continue once I am gone

And like them

I must learn to stand tall and firm

Despite my delicate frame

To sway and rock

When the wind blows

When trouble brews

To remember always

Life goes on

And I must live it

For as long as I can

So

I watch the two palms

Across the way

As much as I can

Because they root me

In the now

The present

Connecting me back

To the Source

The Oneness

That is them

That is me

That is us
That is all

Namaste

In ode to Angelina Jolie

Yesterday Angelina Jolie posted an article in the New York Times declaring that she had had a double mastectomy because she had been tested for the cancer gene and discovered she had an 87% chance of developing breast cancer. So she decided she wanted to lessen her chance of developing breast cancer by removing both her breasts. The reason she chose to do so was so she could minimize the possibility that she would die prematurely and leave behind her young family.

Her decision was also driven by the fact that she had lost her mother, who was only 56 at the time of her death, to ovarian cancer and she wanted to spare her children from that pain if she could.

From one Motherless daughter to another, I totally got what she is trying to do. The death of a mother before we were expecting them to go is one of the most crushing experiences any child could ever face. And those of us who are Motherless daughters would do anything to minimize the possibility our children could suffer the same fate. There is nothing like the love of a mother. Nothing like the security of a mother. Nothing like the support of a mother. And to lose that as a child leaves scars that never go away. I know for I am one of those children.

My mother died from a cerebral brain hemorrhage as a result of a stroke in 1976. In 1976 there was not much information in the public domain about strokes and how they could be prevented. No one really talked about illnesses at all back then.

Had my mother lived in our present times, chances are that her risk of having such a severe stroke would be minimized because there are ways that she could have been tested for the possibility of having  a stroke. And I believe because of the person she was, she would have done what she could so she could be with us today. How I wish she was in our modern day and she was still here with me. How I wish I knew she did everything she could to still be in my life today.

So to read Angelina’s story and to hear that she made the ultimate sacrifice to hopefully prolong her life to be with her children, I felt a deep sense of understanding and love for her and for her family. Knowing if I faced the same choice as she did, I would do the same thing. Anything to spare my children from losing me prematurely to a disease I could fight if I knew I was susceptible to it.

Doing what she did does not prevent her from being struck down by an accident or some other illness she may not know about if it is in the Divine Plan for her children to be motherless. However what she did for her children by having her double mastectomy was to let them know how deep and profound her love for them is. So no matter what happens to her from here on out, they will know their mother did whatever she could to be their mother for as long as she is meant to be. She declared her love for them by trying to minimize her chances of dying prematurely by removing both her breasts.

And then she went a step further. After all was said and done, she decided to come forward and tell her story so that women around the world who are contemplating the same fate, who had had double mastectomies, who are battling breast cancer could know that cancer is a nondiscriminating disease. No matter how much wealth and notoriety one may have, cancer can still strike. By telling her story, Angelina Jolie became just like every other woman in the world with the cancer gene. She was no longer an untouchable. She became human and vulnerable just like the rest of us.

She raised the awareness of the disease to allow people to know they are not alone in their struggle. She also brought to light the fact that there is a blood test that many who may be predisposed to the cancer gene could have to see what their chances are of developing cancer. Allowing them the opportunity to make the decision about whether to have the test done firstly. And then secondly to decide whether they want to live their lives with the disease or to try to minimize their chances of developing full blown cancer by taking preventative measures.

I have always admired Angelina Jolie and now I do even more so because she is a woman who uses her influence to change the way we perceive ourselves and the world. And more than that she is an awesome mother who will do all she can to be with her children for as long as she can. May she live for as long as she can to be with her family for as long as she can. 

In gratitude to Angelina for sharing her story and for possibly saving someone's life and for possibility sparing other children from becoming Motherless children too soon.

Stormy weather

Stormy weather really stirs the soul. So many of us were feeling heavy yesterday. Like there was a weight on our shoulders. Many of us exhausted. Like we were carrying too much of a burden. Some complained of headaches.

I attribute it to the weather. The heaviness of the air. Humidity sky rocketed. Leaving the air damp. Muggy. Oppressive. The perfect conditions for stormy weather. When the hot air meets the cold and creates such tension that in order to balance, they must explode first. Bursting into violent thunderstorms and torrential rain.

By the time the thunderstorms came through this morning, I was more than ready for them. Craved them actually so that the air could be cooled. To relieve the tension in the atmosphere. Making way for calmness to return. I was woken out of my sleep at about 3.58 this morning by a loud noise. Didn't quite know what it was but as I looked round the room to see, lightning flashed outside.

Almost as if the Universe was waking me to see the beginning of the storm that had been threatening to come all along. I waited for the thunder after that. Waited to see if it was my imagination when I saw that flash. And sure enough a few minutes later the thunder rolled through. Letting me know it was not my imagination. And then the resident toad that has moved into our emptied pool started to really sing. Happy that the rain had come again. Croaking to his heart's content.

Shortly thereafter the rain grew so torrential that it sounded like a dam had burst. The rain sounding like it wanted to break through the roof and wash away anything that tried to obstruct its path. It was so loud that it drowned out the sound of our resident toad. An eerie silence of anything but the pouring rain. Until the lightning and thunder crashed again.

The lightning becoming more violent. The thunder more threatening. The storm obviously drawing closer as the thunder was following almost immediately behind the lightning. My daughter waking in terror from the sound of the booming thunder. And the lashing of the torrential downpours.  I closed my eyes trying to lessen the effect of the lightning on my eyes. Blocked my ears trying to quiet the thunder. But the thunderstorm was not relenting. The lightning still flashing before my closed eyes. The thunder still audible through my blocked ears.

My daughter clinging to me. And then I decided to not hide from the storm. To not fear the storm but to embrace it. To welcome it knowing it was to cool the tension in the air. So I opened my eyes. Unblocked my ears. And watched the storm. Listened to the pouring rain. Feeling the air cooling. Feeling the relief from nature that the tension was being cut. Feeling relief pouring through me that I had surrendered to the storm rather than resisting it.

And then just like that it was all over. The rain stopping. The thunder and lightning gone. The air immediately relieved. Teaching me no matter how dark it gets. No matter how stormy it may seem. When the time is right that darkness and storm will pass making way for freshness and light to come back in. As it is doing before my eyes this morning.

Stormy weather is always a precursor to the calm. Because stormy weather is sent to clear the tension and heat and bring us relief. Stirring the Universal soul and at the same time us before bringing us back to a place of peace and calm. Balancing our equilibrium. Relieving our burdens and tension. Bringing forth the sound of silence once again. Only now we can hear and appreciate the sound of silence. Aah…

Growing old is a privilege

Growing old is a privilege. Why do we have to be given a death sentence to truly start living?

These are two lines from one of my favorite series on TV, The Big C. I love this show because it is about life and death. The reality of life and death. The reality of a family struggling to come to terms with the fact that the center of their family. The nucleus of their family has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and she is going to die one day.

It’s about acceptance and denial. About love and living. Death and grief. And I believe Laura Linney is excellent as the main character Cathy. The drama that unfolds on the show is often hidden behind humor because death is something that is so very hard for us all to accept. So the show portrays dealing with death through humor so we can be eased into it. I believe they do this to help us to accept the finality of death because in a warped way we believe we can beat it. Cheat it. That it will somehow pass us by.

But if there is one thing we are guaranteed to do, it is to die. We are dying every single day of our lives. Each day we wake up living and breathing is a privilege we take for granted. Instead some of us complain when we see our bodies changing. Complain about growing old.  Rather than embracing the fact that we have lived long enough to see our bodies changing. To grow old.

There are so many people who would have loved to have seen their bodies changing but because they were struck down with a terminal illness. Killed in a random attack. Murdered in a senseless way. Killed in a horrible accident. Or taken their own lives because life became too much for them to bear. They never had the privilege of growing old. Of changing.

Leaving behind those of us to pick up and mend the broken pieces.  Reminding  those of us who remain, to look at life as a gift. A treasure. A present from the Universe to make that decision that could change our lives forever. To help us to finally understand and accept that we are the privileged ones who have one more minute to make that change. One more minute to breathe and appreciate the abundance in our lives just by breathing. Just by waking up. Just by being present. Grateful.

To those of us privileged ones, we don’t have to wait to be given a death sentence to appreciate the lives we have. The lives we could be living. The lives we are living. Have lived and will live. When we understand we are the privileged ones, we appreciate every aspect of our lives – the good and the bad, the dark and the light, the joy and the sadness. Because we know we are still alive and well when we are experiencing these emotions. We know we have been given more time to be present in our lives. To enjoy the rollercoaster ride of life.

Today is Monday, the beginning of a whole new work week for the majority of us. The beginning of a whole new beginning and I am so looking forward to taking advantage of waking up this morning and beginning a whole new beginning. Of really living my life and appreciating all I have. Appreciating every breath I take.  Because there are so many who did not have this privilege today. So many and to them I say rest in  peace and thanks for reminding me just how short life really is. For reminding me how I must live my life as long and as wide as I possibly can.

Remembering always growing old is a privilege. And I don’t have to be given a death sentence to truly live my life. Because I know every day I am getting closer to the end of my life so I am going to live and love every single moment that I am alive. Enjoying the present of being present in every aspect of my life. Namaste.

We choose to live in places that most reflect our state of mind

Oh what a beautiful morning. Oh what a beautiful day. Isn't it amazing how much light can make a difference to our outlook almost immediately particularly after a long period of darkness. We have had very dark weather of late and many of us have been dragging but as soon as there is sunshine we all come alive again.

Waking up this morning to the sunlight pouring through the windows immediately made me feel like I could do anything. Be anything. Because I was filled with such joy and possibility. 

So I started thinking about the effect of light on my life and realized that when we have light all the time we take it for granted and don’t really appreciate it. It’s only after not seeing it for long periods of time that we appreciate it. And that’s why we have weather I believe.

Weather is reflective of the ups and downs we face. We live in places that are the most beneficial for our growth. We choose places that best reflect our state of mind and growth by the weather they have. People that live in tropical places such as my island home Bermuda are here because most of the time we are full of love and light but when the darkness comes it brings forth our darkest traits to help us to tap into our demons and release them when the light comes back again.

Those that choose to live in rainy and dreary places have a much steeper learning curve because they are tested more to find their joy because of the constant darkness. This is my hypothesis only. We are all at different stages of our growth. And I do believe that deep down inside it has something to do with the places we choose to live. Good weather helps us to find our joy much easier than dreary and dark weather.

I am going to glory in this day. Taking in the rays of sunshine for as long as I can. This morning my family is taking part in the Keep Bermuda Beautiful Campaign where we are going to clean up our street. Picking up the trash that others have discarded. Returning our street back to the beautiful one it is all while having the opportunity to bask in the sunshine. Listen to the birds chirping. Inhale the fresh air. And seeing the array of beautiful flowers that are out for Spring. All while sharing family time of giving back to our community outside in nature on a beautiful sunny Saturday morning. Who could ask for anymore?

Enjoy this beautiful Saturday. Another day of being blessed to be breathing and living and having the opportunity to  make our dreams come true. 

When I wake in the morning

In the morning when I wake

There is silence

Reverence

And grace

In the morning when I wake

I inhale the promise of the new day

The lessons from the day before

Ensconced in my mind

Preparing me for this new day

Helping me

Guiding me

Teaching me

Of what not to do

And what to do

In the morning when I wake

I listen

Listen for the waking of nature

The call of what is to come

And then I hear the sound

The call of the Cardinal

The red bird

Tweet tweet tweet

And I feel the promise of the new day

The call of nature

The sound of all that is

And ever will be

I feel the touch of nature

Race through my being

Freeing all that is trying to bind me

Releasing me from the chains of my limitation

Allowing me to soar

Outside the box

Outside the lines society tries to draw around me

Instead

I connect with the power of the more

Of the all

Of the infinite

Schooling me

Willing me

To remember there is more than enough

Abundance in this world

Our world

If we are brave enough

To ask for it

To channel what we truly want and came here to be

And then I surrender to the sound of the morning

Silence

Until I hear it again

The call of the cardinal

The red bird

Until

I am full

Full of possibility

Full of the more

And then I notice his call has changed

As I have

To a more joyful sound

To a more delicate tune

Twirling

Like a pattern

Of an infinite swirl

Round and round

Connecting me to the cardinal

To the trees

To the flowers

To the soil

To the earth

Grounding me

In the present

To go out into the world

Our world

As a being of

Love of light

Possibility and presence

When I wake in the morning

Full of reverence

Abundance

And grace

The game of shifting my intentions

Lately I have been playing a game with myself. When I wake up in the morning and feel heavy and tired and frustrated, I tell myself to be grateful I woke up. To be happy to see another day. To be cheerful about all I have and had and am about to experience. To smile instead of frowning. And to my surprise it works like a charm every single time. Proving to me the power of intention. The power we have to shift the way we respond to our circumstances.

Discovering this gift has freed me from unnecessary turmoil and pain. From unnecessary darkness and given me the ability to tap into the light whenever I remember the power of intention.  So I am carrying this gift with me daily now and using it to the extent I am capable of. Recognising that some days I will be more in tuned than others based on where I am. Not beating myself up when I am overwhelmed. Instead thanking the Universe for the depth and breadth of my emotions.

 And because I have been so conscious of my thought process, of defining the way I will be for the day, I have noticed that most people like to feel downtrodden, overwhelmed and frustrated. Some people like to moan about where they are in life. Some people are looking at the glass as half empty rather than a half full. And one by one as I encounter people who are doing this, I ask them what if you did not have a job. Think about the people who don’t.

What if you did not wake up this morning? Think about the people that didn't  Think about their families and how they are feeling.

What if you did not have any food to eat? Think about the people that don’t.

What if you had no place to call home? Think about the people that don’t.

There is so much to be grateful for in our lives and it starts with the little things. Opening our hearts to the vastness of the more that surrounds us every day. Gratitude grounds us to the reality of how magical it is that we can go to bed at night and sleep for 5 – 10 hours or whatever amounts of time we can sleep for then wake up the next morning. Allowing us to see that sleeping and waking up in the morning are miracles within themselves and we do it every single night and day - until we don’t.

The power of defining who we are by using the simple words I am is amazing. This morning I was really tired because I have been going nonstop and all I wanted to do was to stay in bed and sleep the day away. But I knew I could not and I was about to allow the darkness to creep in. About to feel sorry for myself when I decided instead to play my game with myself. Telling myself I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am grateful for another day to live my life. To fulfill my dreams. To see my children and husband for another day. I am grateful for being me. And then I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling of satisfaction to spread through me. Joy spreading through my whole being. Gratitude from head to toe and back again.

A smile crept across my face as my mind, body and spirit connected. Shifting  my  mindset. Taking in the full power of owning who I am and being grateful for it as well.

Try it today when all feels dark. Trying shifting your consciousness to the power of intention. Of embracing I am wonderful. I am grateful. I am all that I am because I am he is she is it is all. Namaste.

The natural order of our lives

Are we fighting against the inevitable? Are we trying to prolong people, places and things that in the natural order of things are meant to be over? Are we fighting against the wind instead of allowing the wind to lift our sails and carry us through?

There is a natural order to the lives we live. We come into these physical beings for a finite period. To learn lessons. To teach and to grow. We come into this physical space for a finite period to learn how to share and to give and take. We come into this physical realm to learn that though we are eternal beings, we come as humans to learn more about life. For a finite period of time in our physical cloak.

There are so many people right now that are struggling. Struggling to be something or someone they were never meant to be. We end up in situations we never dreamed possible and we become frustrated. There are so many organizations that are struggling. Struggling to innovate. To reinvent themselves to keep up with the times. There are so many things we are trying to prolong and keep in existence when their time has come to go. And when we do, we struggle and fumble. Losing the spark and joy if life because we are clinging to something or someone that no longer serves us.

We always know when something is right and when something is not. Deep down inside we know there is a natural order to life. To our existence. Subconsciously we know we have been sent here for a finite time to contribute in the best way we can to expanding the consciousness of mankind. To expand the consciousness of each other. To grow spiritually while in a finite physical body. And the reason this happens is because we are meant to understand the importance of beginnings and en dings. Peaks and valleys.

What we learn most of all is that there is a beginning and ending to everything physical. Nothing is meant to last forever in this physical plane and the reason it is not is because everyone of us is meant to experience being the leader then the follower. Being the top dog then the underdog. Being the flavor of the month and then not. And the reason we are meant to experience these opposite emotions and places is so we can learn compassion, empathy and faith. So that we can see the story from the other person’s eyes.

When the time is right, opportunity always presents itself. When the time is not, doors shut and we stop. When we learn what we are meant to learn, we change and move onto the next phase of our lives. There is a natural order to our lives. One of endings and beginnings. Beginnings and endings all the time. And when we learn to stand with our backs to the wind trusting it to lift our sails and carry us through rather than facing it and trying to resist the inevitable, we see and understand the natural order of our lives.

Just wait

Just wait

We live in a world where everything is instant

Messages

Phone calls

Internet

Facebook

Twitter

We live in a world where no one waits for anything

Twitter

Emails

Deadlines

Stress

Tumblr

We live in a world where face to face contact is almost nonexistent

Texts

Instant Messages

What’s App

BB Messenger

Emails

We live in a world where books are becoming extinct

Ipads

Kindles

Androids

We live in a world where we see what everyone is doing instantly

Facebook

TV

Skype

Computers

That’s why we are forgetting patience

Forgetting apprenticeship

Forgetting compassion

Forgetting gratitude

Forgetting each other

Because we don’t interact as much

Don’t go outside as much

Don’t hold a blade of grass in our hands

Smell the scent of fresh flowers

Feel the moisture of morning dew

See the magic of life unfolding every day

Because we are becoming too insular

Learning though the vast machines

Computers

While connecting us

They also disconnect us

From human touch

From looking in each other’s eyes

Hearing and seeing the intention from body language

Taking away our natural ability

To read each other

Instead relying on

Impersonal media that has become the norm

Internet

Facebook

Twitter

Instant Messenger

Connecting us

But disconnecting us

We are losing touch with what it takes to be patient

So we are working ourselves too hard

Putting too much pressure on ourselves

Deadlines looming

Instant answers required

Report after report requested

Whether necessary or not

But it is the new thing

The supporters say

The new game changer

The herders proclaim

So everyone has to follow like sheep

Because if we don’t

We are told

We will lose out

Because we are forgetting

It’s relationships that matter

Not the latest gadget

Or report

Or toy

It is old fashioned looking in the eyes of those

Who we need to work with or be with

That matters most

We have to learn to step away from

Instant gratification

Instant news

Instant expectations

And somehow weave into our lives

Time

To stop

To walk in the grass with bare feet

Sit out in the sunshine and inhale the sun

As my daughter said

To allow ourselves to remember the tall trees

The strong trees that surround us

Shade us

And protect us

Did not come out of the ground

Instantly

Did not grow up over night

But had to be patient

To just wait

Until

It was their time to be the majestic trees

We see today

Reminding us

We have to relearn

How to just wait

To be patient

To not fret

When we don’t have what we thought we would have

By now

Because life is growing us

Shaping us

For what we need

And came here for

If only we could

Just wait

With gratitude and grace

Just wait

And Inhale

And see all we have to be grateful for

If only we would

Just wait

Playing The Game of Life with my children teaches me about life

Yesterday afternoon, I played the board game, The Game of Life, with my children. And it was a pivotal moment for me. Pivotal because as I was playing the game with them, I was reminded that life is about the choices we make. Choosing to attend University so I started the game $100,000 in the hole then spinning to move squares.

Landing on the spot where I had to choose my career and ended up as a veterinarian. Spinning again to land on the spot of buying my Starter Home. Looking at which home to buy and which one I could most afford and profit on. Going for the least expensive house with the same return as the two others in its category when I wanted the most expensive home because it suited me best. But opting to be conservative until I understood the game. After all, my career card had been a veterinarian earning $100,000 with a maximum salary of $180,000. I didn't want to get too far in debt. But my mind was telling me to go for it. But I didn't.

Then on the next spin I landed on the square where I could sue any player for $100,000. Shrugging because I could have purchased the more expensive home if I would have listened to my inner guide. But I let fear and judgment cloud my thoughts and chose not to listen. Seeing the power of choice right there and then.

And as the game progressed, I went from strength to strength. Landing on square after square that made me wealthier and wealthier. And I sat back and thought is this what life is all about, getting wealthier and wealthier? Is it really this easy to make money when you live life for you and not for anyone else?

And then at the end of the game, I crossed the finish line first, retiring early with over $3 million. But my life had gone by so quickly because I had chosen to forgo having a family. Forego making real friends. All I did was make money.  And suddenly I was at the end of my life in the game, retired with no one to share the money with. Nothing really to spend it on. And I was alone. Waiting. It was a very strange feeling.

As I sat and waited for my children to finish the game. Watching the way they think. My son choosing to take the safe route. But still ending up with no family. My daughter choosing the family route. Hoping to have a family but for some reason she did not. All of us ending the game with lots of money but nothing really to do with it.

And as I waited for them, I looked out of the kitchen window at the perfect day outside. The sky clear blue. Minimal clouds obscuring it. The tall avocado tree with its dark green leaves. The expansive lawn. The trampoline with no one jumping on it. The birds flying across the lawn. The sun streaming through the leaves of the trees, I inhaled deeply and looked back at my children and realized I have a truly wonderful life.

No it may not be filled with material riches. May not be filled with the opportunity to be at home all the time with my children as it once did. May not be filled with me having the time to write every moment possible. It may not be the dream life I was hoping for but it is a dream life. A life filled with love and caring. Family and togetherness. A home that is very comfortable. Children that love each other and me as I do them.  A husband who while we were playing was fitting a new sink in the children’s bathroom. A husband I love and have loved for over 23 years. And I am loved in  return by him. I exhaled slowly as I realized just how much I really do have to be grateful for. How much I take for granted. How much my life is what I make it.

I looked at the faces of my children. Seeing how much they are growing and have grown right before my eyes. Thinking about how important it is to be in the moment with them and my life because as I saw through my children’s ages, life passing us by so quickly when we are too busy projecting about what’s to come. Rather than focusing on what is and being grateful for every moment that we have. As I did yesterday.

And you know what I felt so full. So full of life. So full of love. So full of gratitude for the life I am living. Have lived and will live. For I have chosen to mother two beautiful children. Marry a jack of all trades man. To be the woman I am, was and am becoming. And the rewards are always there. Have always been there. And always will be there. Whenever I remember just how fortunate my life is. Whenever I remember to be grateful.

And for the game of life with my children on a lazy and beautiful Sunday afternoon, teaching me to remember it’s not the destination that counts. It’s the journey along the way. The detours. The hesitations. The mistakes. The rewards that matter the most. And for this lesson, I am truly grateful.

Here’s to another week of life ahead of me with gratitude, grace and love. 

Morning Silhouettes

Morning silhouettes

I love dawn

Just before the sun comes out fully

Just before the night retreats to the other side

When the silhouettes are prominent

And the shadows loom

When the promise of a new day

A new beginning is present

When the night is about to recede

Making way for a new day to begin

When the birds are waking

Chirping

Against the silence

Of the beginning

Of a new day

I love it when the sky is shadowy and grey

And there are hints of light

Conjuring up thoughts of what is to come

When the wispy clouds look dark

Against the light of the eastern sky

When I inhale the freshness of the new day

Staring out the window

Feeling the magic that occurs

Every single day

Of our lives

The ending of yesterday

And the beginning of today

Over and over again

Reminding me of the chance

Of the possibility

That exists not just for me

But for us all

There is always an ending

And a beginning

Always a new chapter

To live out

Always a new day

To begin

As long as I am breathing

I am living

I love the silence of the morning

Of dawn

Of life

Continuously moving on

Knowing I am a part of life

As long as I am living and breathing

Grateful to experience the turn of each day

Grateful for seeing the morning

Taking over from the night

Like dance partners

Exchanging leads

Reversing roles

The light from the dark

Silhouettes greater than the physical things

Until the sun becomes stronger

Pushing aside the dark

Slowly rising from the East

Spreading its radiant light

As everything begins to waken

And the silhouettes start to fade

The physical things become more prominent

As the light of the new day

Takes the lead

From the night

Shining bright

Ushering in today

The opportunity for us to be

Whatever it is we want to be

I love the promise of the new day

The feeling of renewal

The feeling of turning over a new leaf

As the silhouettes fade

And the darkness recedes

As the light comes through

Allowing me to turn off the artificial lights inside

And let in the natural light from outside

Infusing me with energy

And the power to embrace

The dawn of a new day

Morning silhouettes

Magical, Mystical

Morning Silhouettes

Ushering in the dawn

Of the New Day