[NaNoWriMo]
Okay so it’s November 1 Nano write month. For all of those
aspiring writers out there, you know what that means. Nano Write Month is
dedicated to writers from around the world who discipline themselves to write a
50,000 word novel in 30 days. I did it last year for the first time and shocked
myself because I wrote every single day and ended up with a novel with over
50,000 words on November 30. This year I
am struggling with whether I can do it again. Whether I want to do it again. Whether
I have the time.
Or should I change tactics and just write my blog every
single day and write it to a theme? Not sure how to go about the Nano challenge
this year because my life is very different from where it was last year. Last
year I had no job and was not sure where I was going with my life or where I
was going to work so it was very easy for me to challenge myself to meet the
challenge. To spend each day in front of my computer writing. My mind was more
open because I was searching for answers. Much the same as this year but from a
very different perspective.
Some days I sat outside in the wonderful fall sunshine
writing to my heart’s content. Other days I sat at my desk at the computer
staring at the screen. No words coming to my mind so I would get up and do
something else until inspiration hit me once again. Then there were days when I
could not face writing but would eventually get the bug and just start writing.
Losing myself to the chatter of the characters that had become a part of my
psyche.
This year I am working full time with many more demands on
me than I ever expected. This year my creative juices are not flowing as much
as they were last year because my mind has become more analytical considering
that is what I do every single day at work. Analyse. Compromise and Analyse
some more. Over and over again. Depression setting in.
So instead of beating myself up because I feel like I can’t
commit to writing this morning, I am going to give myself the day to fulfill my
analytical role then when I come home tonight if I sit at my computer and my
creative juices flow, I will begin. I
will just let my mind direct where I am going to go. So as of this moment I am
surrendering to the moment. Not projecting. Not placing undue expectations on
myself.
But then ego took over when I looked at one of my friend’s
Facebook posts. She had not only started the Nano challenge but she had already
written nearly 2000 words! Despair and exasperation quickly replaced all
thoughts of surrender for me. She had a head start and I had not even begun. The competitive, egotistical side of me wanted
to scream because she was just doing it while I was still in the contemplating stage.
All romance about surrendering flew out the
window as I thought, Oh my God, I am never going to be able to do this because
my mind is not there. Giving room for fear and self doubt to creep in and
sabotage my feelings of surrender. Feelings of inadequacy. Feelings of desire
replacing all feeling of surrender and hope.
So I stepped away from my self induced panic and thought for
a moment. Telling myself to breathe and I did. To think positive thoughts. And
I did. Then I felt proud of my friend for starting her story. Proud of her for just
doing it without projecting. Then my mood shifted and I felt better because I realized
without a doubt I am where I am because this is where I am meant to be and as
long as I sabotage myself I will never accept there is no there because I am
always here.
And then I remembered a quote I had seen the other morning,
a quote that was hidden on my desk that had been waiting for the right time for
me to really see and understand its meaning. And the quote appeared in plain
sight for me this morning and it said, “Self is the only prison that can ever
bind the soul.” Henry Van Dyke.
And then I surrendered again. Breathing again normally.
Telling myself if I am meant to meet the challenge this year, I will and that’s
all there is to it. So I now wish my friend and everyone else embarking on the NaNoWriMo challenge
the best of luck and all the creative juices needed to finish the month with
50,000 words.
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