Once in a Blue Moon

Once in a blue moon. We have all heard this expression and if you are anything like me, you thought it meant fat chance. Not in this lifetime. Once in a blue moon was always a flippant comment on my behalf. Well the Universe is letting me know today that anything is possible in this lifetime because today is a Blue moon. The second one for this year. A magical year for us. A year to believe in the impossible. A year to believe that the blue moon sometimes doesn’t just come once, it can come twice as it has for us this year.

I love astrology. I love learning about the Universe. Because through them I learn that there is so much more in this world, in this universe that we will never understand. Never comprehend. Because it is so much bigger than us but yet we are a part of it. Because of that fact, we sometimes just have to go for it. Trust in the Universe and accept there are some things that are beyond our human comprehension but they are not meant to stop us from believing in magic. Not meant to stop us from achieving.

The other day my nine year old daughter’s tooth fell out and she is on the cusp of whether she still believes in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and all the other magical tales we tell our children. So she asked me if the tooth fairy was real or if it is just us. And I was on the verge of telling her that the tooth fairy is not real. Just like Santa Claus is not real. And then I stopped myself. Instead thinking who am I to destroy her belief in magic. Who am I to hasten her development from childhood to adulthood.

So I turned the question back on her and asked her what she believed. She shrugged her shoulders with a glint of amusement in her eyes. A mischievous smile on her face then walked away. She came back with her tooth in a box and said she was going to leave it out for the tooth fairy. As luck would have it, I got busy and forgot all about the tooth so the tooth fairy did not come that night and my daughter was devastated. Trying to ease her disappointment, I told her it was because the wind was too strong and our sensor lights kept coming on so the tooth fairy didn’t come because she didn’t want to be seen. I told her to put her tooth back out. That night she not only put her tooth out in her box. She put it in front of our bedroom door with a note to the tooth fairy such that when I came out of the bedroom I had no choice but to remember to leave her something from the tooth fairy.

Needless to say she woke up elated that the tooth fairy had remembered her and had visited and left her money. But what’s even more priceless is that she and I both know that the tooth fairy is really a figment of our imagination. A conjured up figure to help us to believe there is something more out there for us. A blurred figures that exists to let us know that if we believe in magic, magical things happen.

We have been given the rare treat of not one but two blues moons this year, the expression  once in a blue moon now taking on a whole new meaning for me. Because now I know I need to be careful about what I say will only occur once in a blue moon considering I know they really do happen and sometimes more than once. So who knows the tooth fairy may be real and so may Santa so why would I ever stop believing in magic or asking my children to. It’s magic that paves the way for miracles because it allows us to be open and receptive to believe in that which we don’t understand. To have faith in the Universe. To have been given the gift of two blue moons this year to me means this year is a year of change, growth and magic. To believe our lives are miracles every single day.

I don’t know about you but I am so grateful to be waking up this morning on the last day of the month with a blue moon coming tonight.  The very day Neil Armstrong, the first man to have walked on the moon is being laid to rest. To know that life is full of synchronistic events pulling us together. Presenting us with opportunities to explore our impossibilities. And knowing nothing happens by chance. Everything happens for a reason and I am open and ready and grateful to the Universe for every single one. Today is a magical, mythical and marvellous day and I intend to bask in it because it only happens once in a blue moon....

The pendulum does swing

With the economy as it is, some people are more worried about what tomorrow will bring. Some are projecting about things they have no control over. Listening to the voice of fear and negativity. Allowing it to pull them into its deep black hole.

While there are others who are insulated from the effects of the economy and have no reason to fear. Have no reason to curb their spending and as a matter of fact they don’t even realise there are many suffering around them. Those who have no clue that there are many without jobs, homes, or hope.

Then there are those that are somewhere in between who feel they are safe. Who feel they will get by. Because they have faith, hope and trust. Because they believe no matter where life may lead them, that is where they are meant to be. They recognise that everything that comes into their lives is there to teach them a lesson and they focus on the lesson rather than on the negative.

Yesterday someone very dear to me came to me in tears because someone pulled the rug out from under her by filling her head with fear. Painting a picture of doom and gloom of what my friend’s future was going to look like. While at the same time expressing how well her life was and how she had nothing to worry about. Hearing that story made me cringe. Seeing the pain in the eyes of my friend who is more vulnerable to the swings of the economy than most filled me with pain as well.

I hugged her, looked her in the eyes and reassured her that no one can predict the future. No position in this cold world we live in, where the dollar is more important than values, is safe. Regardless of how well thought of we may be. I learnt that in a very public and humbling way just a few years ago when I lost my job.  Never believing before finding myself thrust out on the sidewalk that I would ever be in that position. Shocked and afraid when I did. So I take nothing for granted. Instead I have learnt to be grateful for everything that comes into my life. And I also have learnt empathy and compassion go a long way because the pendulum does swing.

We need to remember that at some point in our lives we will be one of those people I described above – the person who is worried about tomorrow, the person who is insulated from the effects of the economy and the person in between. So at all times we need to remain empathetic and sensitive to the plight of those around us because we will be in their position and experience their feelings at some point in our lives. Remembering  the pendulum always swings – balancing us and keeping us grounded.

Masking our own fears by transferring them to others is a means of inviting in more fear. Of creating bad karma for ourselves.  In this fragile economy, broken by our own greed, we would be better off holding each other up rather than tearing each other down. Remembering always - the pendulum does swing.

Grateful for the Love Cloud this morning

I woke up this morning and looked out the window at the twilight sky. And there before me was a gift unexpected from the Universe. The clouds shaped into a large heart with light radiating through it. Making the heart look like it was full of light and life. Filling me with pure love and light. Immediately lifting my mood. To know the first message I was receiving from the Universe is the importance of love. The importance of feeling and giving love. My whole body tingling as a result. A smile spreading across my face. I opened the blinds to look out at the morning sky. To watch the clouds part and give way to the rising sun. To watch my heart slowly dissipate but keeping its perfect image in my mind.

To watch the shadows on the trees. To feel and take in nature’s infinite love. And then I thought about whether anyone else had witnessed the love of the Universe as I had this morning. Questioned whether they too had seen the same cloud message as I had. And then I remembered sometimes it is not meant for everyone to have the same experience but it is up to all of us to share love and our positive experiences whenever we can.

And then my mind wandered to the other day when my daughter and I and one of her friends were driving home and my daughter said. “Wow, look at that angel in the clouds.”And I looked up and saw the same image as she had in the clouds. A perfect angel cloud floating across sky. But her friend could not see it no matter how hard she tried. Confirming to me that sometimes we can be in the same place seeing something completely different from each other because we all see what we are meant to see.

Life has a funny way of allowing us to see and hear and feel what we want to see, hear and feel. And that’s why it is so important for us to go out into the world with the best intentions. With the purest thoughts we can so that we can attract that which we need just as I did this morning when I opened the blinds and saw that beautiful vision of love in the clouds. Just as my daughter and I were on the same wavelength and could see the angel in the sky and her friend could not.

Life reveals to us exactly what we need when we are open and receptive to it. So I will go out into the world today filled with love and light as was given to me by the Universe first thing this morning. Spreading my gift with joy and abundance. Grateful for being open to receiving the gifts of the Universe.

Happy Anniversary to My Blog

It was one year ago yesterday that I started writing this blog and I can’t believe how much water has gone under the bridge since then. When I started writing my blog I was at a crossroads in my life. Trying to decide what I was going to do with myself after having lost my job. Searching for answers to the meaning of my life. And I still am but in different ways.

I sit back in wonder sometimes about the paths my life has taken me on. Sometimes so very different to what I had envisioned. I think about the first post that I wrote and how quickly I learnt the written word can be hurtful to others even when we don’t intend to hurt them. The power of the pen can be both damaging and enlightening. Deciphering which why to write has been liberating for my soul because I have discovered how much I really and honestly do love to write.

And interestingly I now know there is a pattern for me about writing. It is something that allows me to journey freely with myself. Opens doors to parts of me that would otherwise be closed. Reveals to me paths that need to be taken in order to gain a greater understanding of who I am and what I am here to do. But more importantly through my practice of writing every single day I have become a more compassionate, empathetic, forgiving and grateful person than I have ever been in my life because I am learning through my writing every single day that every single person, event and circumstance that comes into my life comes to teach me something about who I am and who I am not.

To have rediscovered this passion that first began as a young girl who used to walk around the house with a note book and pen writing down stories of anything that interested me. To the teenager who went through the darkest years of my life as a motherless daughter who again wrote about my sadness for the first time in a Christmas story called ,The Shining Star, and was told by my English teacher I had a gift. To a university student who almost did not continue my passion of writing because I was told by a professor that I was a terrible writer because I did not spell the American way nor did I use their expressions. And being the sensitive human I am, I gave up writing for many many years. Believing that I was no good at it and listening to others tell me everyone wants to be a writer and no one makes any money from writing. Listening to them telling me writers are dreamers not doers. So I gave up writing in pursuit of a more sensible career – a corporate one and everyone was proud of me because I was successful. 

Only to rediscover when I had my son some thirteen years ago and faced another major crossroad in my life- deciding if I was going to stay at home and mother my son or pursue my corporate career – that something deep within me was missing. So I chose to stay at home and mother not just my son but myself as well. And in doing so I ended up rediscovering my greatest passion of all – writing. And like a butterfly I went through a great metamorphosis. Uncovering so many truths about myself, life, being a mother, nature, freedom, expression, love, being a wife that I felt like I had been reborn.

And here I am some thirteen years later and what I realise now more than ever is writing is and always has been a part of who I am. I may push it to the background from time to time but as I age I appreciate this gift of writing I have been given. I appreciate how it makes me feel. And I know now writing is what is helping me to become the Woman of Grace I was sent here to be.

And for having written this blog for one year and to all those friends who have followed me along the way, I am truly grateful. I will continue with my gift until I am meant to stop. But until then I will enjoy every piece of insight and wisdom I glean when I translate my life experiences into my gift of writing. Joy unbounded. Gratitude multiplied. To have discovered a passion is like having wings. Here’s to many more years of writing.

A Treat Unexpected

On the urging of my great nephew to my son, I took my son and daughter to see a local production at Ruth Seaton James Hall called, “Once on This Island”. I did so because my great nephew was in the play and he and my son had connected at camp my son was attending and my great nephew was helping to run. They hit it off and he encouraged my son to come to see him in the play.

I went with the thought that the play was going to be pretty amateur and even took my time getting there. Not worrying in the slightest if we were late. We got there just in time for the production to begin. And from the moment the play started to the moment it ended, I was enthralled. My son was surprised. My daughter was on the edge of her seat.

The singing was out of this world. The set designs were unbelievable. The costumes perfect. The acting superb. And the energy from both the cast and the audience was electric. The production rivaled anything I had seen on Broadway. I could not believe how professional everyone was and how wonderful and smooth the play had run. It ran for ninety minutes straight without an intermission and at the end of it I was exhausted from the adrenaline and excitement of seeing young Bermudians performing to Broadway standard. I was so proud of everyone in that play. Seeing the potential of those young people gave me hope for the future of my Island home.

I knew we were in for a treat after just the opening scene when my son turned to me and said, “Mommy that was really good.” All I could do was nod my head because I was enraptured. My daughter not even daring to speak in case she missed something. Her eyes glued to the stage. And there we remained until the final curtain call. Standing immediately once it was done to give those wonderful actors a well-deserved standing ovation.

 I sat down after the standing ovation and looked at my son and daughter pleased that I had taken the time to give them the experience of seeing their fellow young Bermudians performing so well and professionally. I looked at their grateful expressions and realized I had just witnessed an incredible lesson. And that lesson was that sometimes we are so busy looking outside for what is right in front of us. Sometimes we don’t believe our own are capable until they perform beyond our expectations. Sometimes we don’t think we’re good enough until we see just how great we really can be. Those young Bermudians  proved it to me and my family and blew us away. Wow.

To say I am proud to be Bermudian after seeing the level of performance of my fellow young Bermudians in “Once on This Island” is an understatement. And I am so glad I listened to my son and went. It was a treat unexpected. A few lessons learned for my children and me. But most of all it was a great event for my children, as young Bermudians, to see just what they are capable of if they believe they can achieve and if they work hard enough to deliver.

It’s too bad “Once on This Island” is over because my advice would have been for everyone I know to go to support Troika, the production company whose motto is “Keeping the Drama on Stage”  and their first musical production because it was beyond anything I ever expected. Way beyond. Bravo. We will definitely be there for the next one.

A Life Lesson from Writing

I used to believe to be a great writer one had to be very smart. Had to have a good handle on diction. Had to have a vocabulary equivalent to what can be found in a thesaurus.

I used to wait until I had something profound to say or would try to write something great that sometimes I was afraid to write. Sitting and pondering waiting for that epiphany to hit me. That bolt of lightning to come out of the sky and strike me with that chance of a lifetime story to tell. Until my son reminded me that I have a one in 7 million chance of being hit by lightning. And that’s when the light bulb went off in my head. That if I was going to write and continue to write every single day I just had to do it. I had to put myself in that grouping of 7million if I had any chance of being the 1 that got hit.

So I started to write from my heart. To write what came to me first rather than trying to direct my thoughts. Rather than trying to come up with some clichéd piece of writing. Something clever. Something profound. I let my heart guide me rather than my head. Silencing the ego that keeps trying to tell me there is no way I am a good writer. That there are 7 million others out there doing what I am doing. Not letting my ego stop me from doing what I love to do, write.

Because what I realised was that while I was waiting to be clever. For something profound to hit me. I was missing out on writing and enjoying the journey. Once I stopped looking for the destination, I discovered there are so many gems presenting themselves to me every day. There are miracles in just about everything we see and do. The mere fact that we exist is a miracle.

And then I realised something else even more profound. It is not the most intelligent person. Not the most sophisticated person. Nor the person with the greatest vocabulary that becomes the greatest writer around. It is actually the person that simply writes. And continues to write every day. The person that believes she can write. The person who recognises that in everything we do, everything we see, there is a story to be told. And believes he is a writer. Who knows she doesn’t have to be clever. He doesn’t have to be the best. They know if their writing comes from the heart, it  will come with ease.

And then I realised something even more satisfying. Life is not about waiting for the next best thing. Just like writing life is about capturing the best thing that comes into our lives every single day in the simplest and most unexpected way. And just going for it. Turning it into the pearl that it is meant to be.

Life like writing is all about being in the moment and loving and living it like there is no tomorrow. The most successful person is the one who doesn’t think too deeply about what happens next. No they just do right there and then. Taking advantage of life’s abundant miracles and turning them into gems. While others are sitting on the sidelines waiting for the perfect and right moment without recognising every moment is perfect and right.

Life is a lot like writing because it is all about discovering and appreciating the abundance that comes into our lives every single day.

Love is why paths cross and intertwine

Yesterday I sat in a funeral feeling like I was having an out of body experience. Feeling like I was on the outside looking in. Not really a part of the service but a part of something else that was going on beyond my control. It was like I was floating. Feeling everyone’s energy.  Thinking about how so many lives could be touched by one person yet are so completely different.

How paths cross and intersect then become parallel for many years only to intertwine again. I looked around at the people in the church and thought about how people from the same family can be so completely and utterly different from each other. With different dreams and aspirations but can come from the same parent or same genealogy. How people from the same neighbourhoods who grew up in the same outward environment can have a completely different experience in life. Some go down a path of destruction and darkness. Others live mediocre lives. And then there are some who go on to exceed expectations all around.

Making me wonder if we are preprogrammed before we even get here. Making me wonder if it is true that we choose the destiny we are currently playing out. Making me wonder if we do have the freedom of choice to become whomever or whatever we desire or if we are who we are when we are born.  

And then the lingering thought of how can we be so different but at the same time be so connected would not leave me.  Forcing me to question whether we are that much different from each other. Or if we are truly the same at the end of the day. Only with different life lessons to learn.

All of us were drawn to the funeral yesterday for the same reason to pay respects to a person who had lost his life. A person we had once loved or still loved. Paths crossing for a short time probably never to cross again in most cases. Yet our energies mixed yesterday, shared a common bond. Leaving me to question why that happens and for what purpose. Leaving me to wonder if when we are in gatherings such as those do we take a piece of each other’s spirits with us?

And then the service and the burial were over and we all went our separate ways. Back to our lives. And I came home later that evening and opened the newspaper and looked at my cousin’s photo for the last time. Staring at him wondering what his life was all about and why people of all different walks of life had come together yesterday to bid him adieu and what we were meant to take from him.

I closed the newspaper thinking there will be no more pictures of him in the newspaper from the next day forward. The only pictures and memories of him will be held by his family and close friends but his physical being is gone forever. Making me realise it is up to all of us to leave behind memories we want people to cherish. To make a difference in someone’s life including our own because once we leave this physical plane there is nothing but memories left off us. Making me realise it is important for us to think of how we want to be remembered. But most of all I felt a strong feeling that we are here to love and be loved.

Realising paths cross and intertwine then become parallel all through life but where there is love or once was love, always those paths reconnect at some point regardless of how different lives may turn out. At the base of it all, all there is, is love. Not our standing in life. Not who or what we became. All that matters is that we loved and we were loved. Because only love can bring together people of all different walks of life. Can cause paths to reconnect and intertwine. Only love.

Understanding the violence of a storm

It’s amazing to wake up to such a quiet and tranquil morning particularly after the violent thunderstorm we had last night. I was just about to leave the office at about 7.15 last night when I heard a loud rumble. I asked one of my colleagues if it was thunder and she said yes. I came out of my office and looked out the window and was surprised to see how drastically the day had changed since I had last looked outside.

The sun and cloudless sky had been replaced by a dark and threatening sky. Cumulus clouds so thick and so black they looked like they wanted to burst. Though I’m getting better, thunderstorms still terrify me so I quickly went back into my office where I could not see what was happening outside and went back to work. Grateful for my cocoon. The storm went on crashing and rumbling outside. And as everyone left the office and I was the only one left on my side the sound of the rain and the storm grew louder. And every time there was a rumble I shuddered.

I immersed myself in the file I was working on. Only when the storm seemed to be abating, I decided I would leave with the prayer that I would get home safely. As I drove out of the parking lot, the storm came back in full force.  The rain started to come down so hard it was difficult to see in front of me. And the lightning was flashing fiercely around me. Thankfully most of the flashes were sheet rather than fork and it looked like they were far away. I had my music up so loud that I could not hear the thunder. But it’s the lightning that frightens me the most so every time there was a flash I trembled. Flinching so much that sometimes I was distracted from driving.

Deciding getting home safely was more important to me than my fear of the thunderstorm,  I gave myself a pep talk about the fact that if I loved nature so much I had to accept this thunderstorm was a part of nature. A way for it to replenish itself. To relieve itself of the heavy stillness and humidity that had been building. To allow, as my mother used to say, fresh air to come back in. I repeated this over and over again to myself almost like a mantra until I could feel the tension easing out of my body. And I was not gripping the steering wheel as hard. And then I had the nerve to look up at the sky rather than trying my best not to look at it at all. In doing so I was amazed by the beauty of the stormy sky.

In some places the sky was dark and ominous while in others it was clear with wispy dark clouds and because the sun was still setting, there was a glow in the sky where there were no cumulus clouds. The lightning flashed from one side of the sky to the other bringing light to the darkened sky. It was almost as if there was a dance going on between the dark and the light. Each struggling to show they exist and can coexist together if need be. I watched the sky for quite some time when I sat at the traffic light still afraid but not as terrified. And I felt a sense of peace come over me.

Recognising there is a time and place for everything. Thankful that I was able to witness one of the wonders of nature. And when I got home I felt so proud of myself for confronting one of my greatest fears and looking it in the eye and recognising that after the storm there is always calm. Fully accepting and understanding the term, “And this too shall pass.”

Waking up this morning to a glorious and fresh morning was the icing on the cake after the storm last night. Its only remnants being the wetness from all the rain. In gratitude to nature for reminding me that the violence of a storm is equivalent to a turbulent period in our lives, clearing and making space for something wonderful that is to come. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Last night I went to see the movie Sparkle with some work colleagues because I am a huge Whitney Houston fan and I wanted to see her swansong before she died. To see if there were any signs of trouble. To try to understand why this great talent is no longer with us. But truthfully I just wanted to see Whitney again. And was I glad I did.

Ms. Whitney looked all powerful, confident and assured in the movie unlike the image we kept seeing splashed of her in her last days looking bedraggled and confused. I was proud of the wizen character she portrayed. The mother who was trying to save her daughters from the pain she went through in the only way she knew how – through the church. Her only salvation.

I was nervous about what I would see. Nervous that Sparkle would be one of those cliché movies and to some extent it was but it redeemed itself in my eyes because it was almost as if Whitney knew she was going and wanted to leave a cleaner legacy of herself behind for her daughter. And her character was spot on. Allowing her real life daughter to see her mother as a mother on the screen. Clean, sober and determined to steer her girls in the right direction. And this makes me immensely happy for her daughter because as a motherless daughter myself I always wished there was something that I could go back to as a touchstone for my mother and now Whitney’s daughter has that. It will ease her pain somewhat to know and see the potential and talent her mother possessed and hopefully will remind her of how quickly life can change when we make choices that go against our potential.

From the moment Whitney came into the movie, I felt a lump in my throat. Every time she appeared tears came to my eyes. To think this woman with such potential and talent died alone in a bathtub from the very vices she warned her movie daughters about was devastating. To think she had been given a second chance by TD Jakes and the Universe by being asked to portray a character who had faced the very demons she was facing in her real life and missed them was sad. To think she missed the very message her character was sending is such a shame.

Watching Whitney sing, His Eye is on the Sparrow, in one of the most touching scenes in the movie was like listening to someone begging for help. For deliverance from the demons that were threatening to pull her into the darkness. To see the tears streaming down her face left me with the feeling that those tears went beyond her character and touched a place deep within her being. But the demons obviously prevailed and she was not meant to beat them. Not meant to shrug them away. Instead she  became the sacrifice for the rest of us including her daughter to understand that though we may portray one image on the outside, if the inside is not right, no matter how hard we try, eventually we will succumb to darkness that resides within us. And no matter how great of an actor we may think we are real life will always prevail.

I walked away from the movie Sparkle with mixed feelings – sadness knowing Whitney is no longer with us as well as joy to know she left behind a great image of who she was and could have been. And more importantly through her character she left behind a lingering message to her daughter and to us all, life is not only about the choices we make. It is also about the choices we don’t make.

May you rest in peace Whitney. His Eye is on the Sparrow. 

The Dichotomy of Human Existence

Night before last night my husband and I watched The Iron Lady, the story about Margaret Thatcher. And we were both surprised by the portrayal of her more human side. She always appeared as somewhat aloof. Hard. Strong and determined. And those characteristics of hers were true but the movie showed the vulnerable side of Dame Thatcher that very few got to see. Whether it was an accurate portrayal remains to be seen. But the dichotomy of her character seems so reflective of the life many of us are living today.

The recurring theme to me when watching the movie was whether women can have it all. Whether men can have it all. Whether people can have it all. And based on the movie, I’m not sure if we can. It seems that in the wake of someone’s success, someone else loses out.

Dame Thatcher was one of the most powerful women in the world but she was not able to master her family life because she became the career woman, the first and only British woman Prime Minister. The pressures on her were immense because she had to prove herself worthy not only to her cabinet but to the world and more importantly to herself. So it appears that she drove herself until there was nothing left. And it seems from the movie in order to do so she had to forego her relationship with her children. And to some extent with her husband. Is this what life is meant to be about? Are we meant to succeed at all costs or are we meant to find balance? And for that matter what is balance? How do we achieve it? Has anyone achieved it? Or are we so driven to be somebody that we forget to be?

How is it that we lose sight of what it is we really want out of life and instead get sucked up into the game and become so blinded by its trappings that we don’t even realise we are entangled in the trappings and can’t get out. How is it that we have so much more than our parents and their parents before them but we are much less content? How is it so many of us are feeling there is something missing from our lives?

I believe it is because we spend too much time trying to be somebody rather than doing what we love. Rather than being who we love. Rather than doing what brings us the most pleasure and the reason why we do is because we have been fed this false image of what success is meant to look like.

We spend the majority of our lives racing against the clock. Trying to meet the deadlines that keep getting pushed out on us until life kicks us out before we are ready. Then we are left standing on the sidewalk looking in the window at the newest model taking our place. The new darling of the day. Knowing that they too will be standing on the sidewalk looking in one day because that’s the way life works.

So why do we do it to ourselves? What is driving us to miss out on the everyday success of nature? The way it cooperates, facilitates and knows when its season is done and moves aside for the next. Margaret Thatcher rose to be one of the most powerful women in the world and her people were rallying for her on her ascent but when she became too powerful for the game in their eyes they pulled her down and destroyed her sense of purpose. Why? Because she believed she was more powerful than the game.

When we become something beyond who we are meant to be, when we lose sight of compassion and empathy, life always has a way of bringing us back down to earth and showing us what we are really about.

So at the end of the day we have to learn to be who we are, not what society tells us who we are meant to be. And if we are honest with ourselves we always know who we are. Always. So why do we resist our innermost selves and become something we don’t understand or can’t control? Why?

Replacing Monday morning blues with gratitude

I woke up this morning realising it was Monday. Instantly feeling the Monday morning blues. Feeling anxious about what this week was going to bring. And then I closed my eyes and decided instead of allowing the negative to set my mood for the day, I would shift my thought process from gloom to gratitude. To being grateful for waking up to another Monday rather than dreading this Monday. To being grateful for the possibilities that exist with every moment of the day rather than focusing on the impossibilities. And I felt my mood shift. Felt my body get lighter. Even felt a smile spread across my face.

I then pushed back the covers and got out of bed. Feet on the ground. Eyes straight ahead. Intention set for the day – to tackle every obstacle that comes my way with good intentions. To allow the negative thoughts to flow through me so I can feel them and acknowledge them then to turn them into opportunities.

I came into my office and flipped my calendar for the day and it read, “I use my mind and thoughts to enhance my life.” And then I breathed because I knew the Universe was on my side. I felt anticipation and gratitude flowing through my veins. I felt on top of the world. That nothing would impede my positive attitude today.

But then as if I was being tested, my positive attitude was abruptly interrupted when I looked at my work emails. There were two rush requests glaring at me. Instantly I felt overwhelmed because I had decided I was going to give myself a break from work over the weekend so I did not go in to do one of the items that was now a rush.  I berated myself for not doing what I should have done. My mood shifting from one of possibility to impossibility. Thoughts of disappointing others crowding my brain.

And then I thought of my quote for the day, “I use my mind and thoughts to enhance my life.” I thought about the intention I had set for the day, to focus on the possibilities that exist rather than the impossibilities. And I inhaled and exhaled. Being conscious of my breath. Feeling the tension easing out of me. Allowing thoughts of my wonderful weekend to replace the dread of the day ahead. Allowing images of the quality time I had spent with friends and family to flow through my mind. Feeling the warmth of the memory of totally relaxing yesterday with my family. Enjoying the rain that fell outside as we snuggled together as a family watching movies inside. Lazing about. Not hurrying. Giving ourselves the day to just be with each other. No demands.  No pressures.

Allowing the fact to flow through me that I deserved to take a weekend off. To give my mind a break. To be with my family and friends. To recharge. To accept that sometimes switching off is what we need in order to be more effective. To allow space to be more effective.

I then sent emails back to those who sent the rush requests and said I will do the best I can today. And I felt a whole lot better. Because I intend to follow my intention set for today to see the possibility in every situation rather than the impossibility. To be grateful for seeing another Monday. To be grateful for having a job and people making demands on me. All while recognising I am one person doing the best I can with the resources I have. And then I exhaled and looked out the window at the light peeking through the dark clouds and knew the Universe was smiling down on me for recognising as Reverend Ed Bacon said to Oprah yesterday, “In every moment something sacred is at stake.”. In every moment there exists a choice for us to either look at the glass as half empty or as half full. And it's up to us to decide how we want to be perceived. 

Life is very very short

Yesterday I was told one of my close relatives had died. Even though I knew he was troubled, I was still shocked by his death. Death has a funny way of doing that. Shocking us. Even though we all know we are going to die someday. Guaranteed. We are born to die. Yet it still shocks us.

Yesterday I could not get the memories of my cousin out of my head. I kept thinking about our days of innocence. When we grew up together on Cedar Hill with not a care in the world. When families were families. When we all visited the homestead every single day and played together as brothers, sisters, cousins, neighbours, friends. How one did nothing without the others. We were a pack. A tribe. We had each other’s back.

I thought back to the days when we roamed the hills from dawn to dusk. Our parents never worrying about where we were. Giving us the freedom to explore. Knowing we were safe as a tribe. Taking comfort in the fact that we had each other’s backs.

I thought about how we all had stars in our eyes. How the world was ours to take on and none of us feared for or thought about the future.  How we just lived in the moment. Playing Cowboys and Indians. Football. Our homestead the gathering spot. Swimming off the rocks. Picnics.  

I thought about how our paths had started out the same but somehow they had separated. Each of us taking the paths we were destined to take. Pulling us far apart and onto our individual life paths. Our journeys very different. Often never to cross again with the same intimacy.  I thought about how I used to love my cousin because he was so handsome. So suave. So sure of where he was going. How envious I was of him that everyone wanted him and no one even noticed me. Awe mixed with pride mixed with envy and love was how I felt about him. I just knew he was destined for great things. How could he not?  Everyone was under his spell.

But then something happened that I will never know nor understand. Something no one else but he will truly know or understand that took him down a path that he could not turn back from. A path that led him to a great darkness that engulfed him. Pulled him in and he was never able to find his way back.

I think now about when I saw him last. How I remember thinking all the light had gone out of his eyes. About how I felt his soul calling, crying for help. But his pride veiled it. Keeping him shrouded in the darkness. I think about what more could I have done, he have done, we as a family could have done to help him, bring him back from his place of darkness. But I know it is too late for that now. That his destiny has played out in the way it was meant to play out. That his time had come. And all I hope is that he finally found the light he was looking for. That he understood the darkness that took him from us long ago. That he made peace with himself and all that was weighing him down.

And I will hold on to the memory of him when we roamed the hills when we were young. When we believed in magic. When we had each other’s back. When we were family. And he used to smile that mischievous smile and we would melt. That’s how I will remember him forever.

Good bye my cousin for now. May your soul rest in peace. May your memory remind me that life is all about the paths we take. The choices we make. And more importantly it is knowing we are as great as we believe we are. As full of possibility as we believe we are. Because life is very ,very short in the grand scheme of things. And it is up to us to live it with intention and intensity while we have it.

The delicate and natural balance of nature

I love watching the rain lightly falling against a backdrop of green with sunlight streaming through. Watching the birds flying by to the symphony of the light rain pattering against the leaves. Watching nature replenishing itself. Giving itself the water and sun it needs to sustain itself. A perfect illustration of balance itself. Harmony at its best.

There is so much we can learn from nature.  So much we can take from it about how we are meant to live. How there is always enough. How resourceful it is. How one change can impact the whole ecological system. Nature is so beautiful and so inspiring because it shows there is a natural and delicate balance to life. If something is introduced that does not belong it can threaten the whole ecological system. Letting us know how important it is for us to get the balance right in our lives. Too much or too little of one thing is not good for us overall.

I didn’t always enjoy watching the sun and rain. Rain and sun together I was told was the devil beating his wife when I was young. It used to frighten me because I always thought evil lurked when there was sun and rain. I used to envision the devil having a great time beating his wife and sending out evil vibes to the world. I used to fear those days so much the concept still enters my mind whenever I see the two together even as an adult. The sun and rain together taking me back to my youth. Reminding me how important it is not to kill the magic for our children. Not to fill them with fear. How important it is for us to let their imaginations develop without us intentionally trying to box them in. Burdening them with our beliefs rather than letting them explore and come to their own conclusions.

Now that I am older I see the beauty of the sun and rain together. The symbiotic relationship they share. The rain and the sun together giving nature the best of both worlds. The sun it needs for photosynthesis. The rain it needs for replenishment. To help its roots to grow. To allow it to flourish. Naturally and delicately providing balance to each other. In harmony – a lesson for us all.

Letting go and letting it be

Thursday! Only Thursday. I woke up this morning stunned that today is only Thursday. This week has been a very trying one for me both mentally and physically. I have not had much sleep at all for various reasons. As a result I am physically and mentally exhausted. My brain is all over the place trying to remember everything I have to do. Trying not to forget anything or anybody.

I am so tired that this morning I had trouble getting out of bed. And when I did I realised I had not given myself that much time to centre myself. To set my intention for the day. To calm the anxiety rushing through me. At first I started to panic. Telling myself it was going to be a bad day.

But then I decided to sit down to write this blog just to assemble the thoughts in my brain in a way that made sense. And once I started to type I felt the tension oozing out of my fingers on to the page. Almost as if I had found my place on the stage. I realised my intention today and everyday is to be and to do the best I can with the resources I have. To not allow negativity to take over. To not allow ego to stand in the way of my desire to be full of love, light, peace and prosperity. To not allow self doubt to derail my ability to be anything I believe I can be. To not give up on faith and trust in the Universe. To remember my Divine Plan is unfolding as it is meant to unfold.

I then felt a sense of peace rushing through me as I remembered today will only be a trying day if I allow it to be. If I try to swim against the tide rather than floating with it. So here’s what my mantra for the day will be, “I am love. I am light. I am peace. I am all that I am because I am meant to be here. I forgive myself for any transgressions. And forgive others for theirs. Accepting I am human. I go into the world today full of love, light, peace, possibility and compassion. And I allow the day to unfold as it is meant to unfold. I surrender to the powers of the Universe. And for all of my blessings I am truly grateful.”

And when I finished typing, I saw this thought for the day on Oprah.com, "Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness." Thich Nhat Hanh

In gratitude to the universe for giving me confirmation I am on the right track so today I let go and let it be.

Namaste 

There's nothing more primal than a mother's love

Never underestimate the power of a mother’s intuition is a saying I have often heard. How we mothers are bonded with our children because they come through us. How we know when they are hurting and need us before they even tell us. How we know they should not do something because we know the outcome will not be good.

Yet there are times when we override that feeling because we don’t want to stymie them. But sometimes we have to trust our instincts and know when no has to be the final answer. Without guilt. Without fear. Without worry.

When that feeling something is not right runs up and down our spine. Last night I experienced that feeling and ignored it. And my daughter and I both paid the consequences for doing so. My daughter had spent the night at a friend’s house over the weekend. She came home with swollen eyes and as the day progressed her nose started to run and so did her eyes. We assumed it was an allergy so we gave her allergy medicine and kept her home for a day to allow her to recuperate.

Yesterday she went back to her camp even though her eyes still did not look right. But made it through the day and seemed to have lots of energy. Last night she and I were at our cousin’s house to celebrate several family member’s birthdays. And she begged me to let her go into the pool because everyone else was going in. I looked at her eyes and knew she was not quite right and everything within me was telling me to keep her out of the pool. But I brushed my apprehensions aside. Not wanting to feel like the party pooper. Not wanting to stop my daughter from having fun swimming with her cousins.

She came out of the pool 15 minutes later and her body broke out instantly in welts. Her eyes swelled up. Her skin colour changed from her normal cappuccino to beet red. She was itchy. My first instinct was to get her in the shower to wash off the chlorine. So I took her into the shower instructing her to wash herself thoroughly with no soap. The welts and redness got worse instead of better.  My mind went into overdrive as I was thinking two steps ahead because of how quickly the reaction was spreading and how hot her body felt. Her skin becoming scalier by the minute. And she was panicking.

So I took her to the hospital calling my husband enroute. Telling him not to come but to stay with our son. We spent the next 4 hours in the hospital waiting to be seen. Watching her body go through many changes almost as if she was a chameleon. But as the hours ticked by, she started smiling again and talking a mile a minute so I knew she was going to be okay. By the time we were actually seen by a doctor she looked almost like herself. And she never went into respiratory distress. And I was truly grateful that my daughter came out of that fine. Recognising it could have been ten times worse.

Whispering a silent prayer of gratitude, I knew I was being reminded last night that we always know when something is not right. Had I listened to my instincts in the first place, my daughter would have been spared from the agony she experienced and so would I have been. But the good thing about our experience is that we both learnt something. My daughter to listen to her mother especially when it comes to her wellbeing. And for me to trust my instincts when it comes to my children because there is nothing more primal and instinctual than a mother’s love.

Venus and the crescent moon

This morning I woke up to a perfect crescent moon lying on its back with Venus shining down on it. It was a magical sight. Unexpected. Because yesterday I had gotten up early to see the moon obscuring Venus but the sky was so cloudy that it was almost impossible to see.

Because of my disappointment yesterday, I had forgotten about the fact that Venus and the moon were so close to each other. But to see the two of them illuminating the dark sky was awe inspiring. Together they looked like something out of a children’s fairytale. I almost expected to see the cow jumping over the moon.

I looked at the spectacular sight for a while. Thinking about what the vision represented for me. And then a warmth spread through me as I realised it was telling me never to stop believing in magic. Never to stop believing in the unknown and unexplained. Never to limit my beliefs to that which I expect. To instead look out at the wonders of the Universe. To see that the unexplained unfolds every single day and night right in front of us in varying ways.

To let me know though I don’t understand everything that is happening in my life. Though I don’t know why I have made certain decisions. Or that I find myself in situations I never expected, just like that perfect crescent moon and Venus illuminated the vast twilight sky, life has a way of revealing to us that which we need when the time is right.

It is often when we feel we are in the wilderness that we are learning some of our greatest lessons. That we are being given the opportunity to stop and observe what is truly going on in our minds, bodies and spirits. Like that crescent moon lying slightly on its back with Venus shining brightly above it, everything and everyone has a place in this world. And sometimes it is the unexplained that one day becomes the explained. That one day the darkness becomes the light and we will understand all that we did not before. When the time is right. Not always when we expect it.

I stood looking at the moon and Venus this morning feeling their energy taking some of my fears away from me. Asking me to believe in magic. To believe in the power of intention. To accept I am worthy of whatever it is that I truly desire.  I meditated on that thought. Allowing my mind, body and spirit to fully comprehend and savour the moment.

Then I sat down to write and as I did, the sky lightened. The cloudless sky became full of dark clouds with a hint of light pushing through in the East. Sending cascades of light throughout the dark clouds. Helping me to see darkness eventually becomes light. The crescent moon and Venus gone to the other half of the Universe as a new day dawned for me. And night came for them.

Understanding life is a constant pull of darkness and light. Understanding there is a harmony to them both. Understanding one is no worse than the other when we are open to receive the gifts of the Universe.

Life can change in an instant

Monday morning. After a busy weekend and a very restless night last night. My daughter seeming to have picked up the cold that my son and husband brought back from their travels or should I say their overextended stays on airplanes and Newark airport last week.

Having to get up in the middle of the night looking for some cold medicine to help her settle. Feeling sorry for her weepy eyes, runny nose, blocked nose sometimes and constant sneezing. Finding something for her and giving to her. Waiting for it to take effect so we could both sleep. After what seemed like an eternity she settled and I drifted in and out of sleep. Seeing every hour going by.

Thinking about the man in a little Boston Whaler my son and his friend heard hit a rock at top speed last night. Thinking about the man saying he needed someone to help him. Thinking about how we all rushed out to try to locate the man. Some of us on land. My husband and others on a boat scouring the dark waters with lights and yelling out to the man. But by the time we all could get there he had vanished. Disappeared. Despite the sinking feeling going through us all, we hoped he was able to swim to safety somewhere. Trying not to think the worse. All we could do was call the marine police and turn the situation over to them. Taking solace in the fact we had done all we could. Releasing his fate to the Universe. Wishing him well.

My husband and I overcome with memories of a similar situation we witnessed some 12 years before when we could not save someone that fell into the water outside our home. Hoping we were not witnessing a similar situation. As I lay there last night watching over my daughter to make sure she was okay, I kept thinking about that man. Thinking about how quickly life can change. How we can be sitting and talking with friends enjoying the moment only for that moment to change instantly when we hear news about a potential tragedy. Thinking how important it is to always tell the ones we love we love them when we part from each other because we never know if we will see them again. Or if we see them again, what state we will see them in.

Hugging my daughter listening to her back to make sure she was breathing. Watching her chest going in and out happy she was breathing. Grateful that my family was intact. Everyone breathing and safe. Grateful that we had been spared another day.

Waking this morning still not knowing the outcome for that man but knowing our paths had crossed for a reason. To remind me to live in the moment and to not take any moment for granted because life can change in an instant. 

Surrendering to the Sound of the Ocean

This morning I woke up to the call of the ocean. I could feel it in my veins. Throughout my being. Summoning me. Pulling me out of my sleepy bed. Telling me not to sleep in late as I had intended but to come out to see it before the day got too hot. So despite my mind telling me to stay put, my heart told me to do otherwise. To get up and out of bed. To listen to the call of the ocean. To go to it.

I went to the bathroom window looked out and the sky was blue and clear. The trees were still. Everything serene. Inviting me to come out to be with nature.

So I got dressed and walked to my gate. Then stopped surprised by the conflict in my head. Not sure which ocean was calling me. Not sure whether I needed to just see the ocean from the harbour side or if I need to actually go to the ocean on the South Shore side. Not sure if I was meant to actually hear it, smell it and feel its power. So I stood for a minute then closed my eyes and just let my feet take me where I needed to go. At first I headed right toward the Harbour but my whole body resisted that direction and turned me to the left to the South Shore side. And I just followed listening to my heart not my head. Doing what felt natural to my body rather than what felt false.

When I got to the top of the steps to Elbow Beach, I could hear the sound of the ocean pounding against the sand and my whole body relaxed. I stopped to look at its untamed beauty. To listen to its power. To feel it flow through me. And then I knew I was being sent a message from the Universe to tell me it is time to follow my heart. To not listen to what my head wants me to do so much anymore. To feel where my body wants to take me. To go with the flow of the Universe and to stop resisting its call.

I felt such a sense of freedom. Of power. Of love. Because I listened to my intuition and followed it the whole way this morning. In gratitude for following my heart. Allowing me to understand without question that when we follow our intuition,  we always end up where we are meant to be.

Appreciating solitude

There is nothing like the silence of the morning. Like the solitude of thoughts. Waking up in the morning opening the blinds and seeing a lone star shining in the window at me. Letting me know we are never alone. There is always someone or something in the Universe awake when we are. Watching over us. Guiding us. Always.

There is something to be said about having quality time alone to collect my thoughts. To assemble them in that moment. To understand what my essence self is trying to tell me. To listen. Just listen. Not question. Not filter. Just listen.

There is nothing like the sound of silence. Even when thoughts threaten to overpower it. Even when the mind wanders. The truth is we have to let the mind wander because eventually it will arrive at the answer we have been seeking. Trying to resist a wandering mind causes it to wander that much more.

I like waking up early in the morning giving gratitude for the day. Thanking the universe for allowing me to wake up again. Asking it to give me the strength and wherewithal to face the challenges that come my way. To have the clear sight to see the opportunities that present themselves. To go for the ones that resonate with my soul on a deeper level. To let the ones go that don’t. But to always thank the Universe for delivering.

There is nothing like watching the morning waking up. The darkness giving way to the light. Twilight becoming morning light letting me know to every ending there is a beginning. Allowing me to breathe and surrender. Allowing me to cherish those moments of alone time fuelling me for the day. Allowing me to go out into the world full of gratitude and love. There is really nothing like it.

Good day to me and to us all as we remember to give ourselves moments of solitude when we can rejoice for all that we have and all that we are about to receive. For being in the moment. Amen.

Everything we do, we do for love

Everything we do, we do for love. Even on those days when we think we are dark and want to hurt , at the base of it , it is because we feel deprived of love. Some of us are love seekers without realising we are love and we don’t have to seek it. We always have love when we open our hearts and shut out our egos.

According to Deepak Chopra, Love is the source and love is the goal. Our hearts are comforted when we give because we know that giving is good. It is not the receiver that is loved,  it is the giver. Think back to when you have given something from the depths of your heart and how warm and loved your whole being felt. I can feel that warmth going thorough me now just thinking of those occasions. When we give without expectation. When we give with no strings attached. When we give because our hearts want to give, there is nothing like the feeling we receive ourselves in the process. To see the look of gratitude on the face of the receiver is enough to make our hearts sing. There is nothing like that feeling.

The beauty of love is in giving it away, we are left with more than what we had before. Love is the answer to it all.

Deepak Chopra says, “We are the same being in different disguises”. No matter who we meet. No matter who comes into our lives. Every single one of them is a part of us. And if we remember that even when their beliefs may differ from ours, we will develop a whole new sense of compassion, empathy and love. Because we will understand that no matter what, we are interconnected in more ways than we imagine which in turn leaves space for forgiveness rather than judgement.

As my Yoga teacher said yesterday forgiveness is not for the sake of making ourselves feel superior to whomever may have caused us grief. Forgiveness is opening ourselves to give forth love and understanding. The more we give love, the more the Universe will give back to us.

Love is a freeing feeling and because it is we must remember to allow others to give to us. To show us love because when we do it opens our heart to them. By accepting the gift of love from others we allow them to feel love which in turn makes us feel love as well. Creating a feeling of Universal Love, a powerful and unconditional love.

As my meditation with Chopra said, We are all here to love one another as long as it is given in balance without one giving more than other. The divine exchange between giving and receiving unfolds naturally when we give of our hearts rather than our heads.

Universal love is what makes us all feel good. And the great thing about love is that it does not cost anything. It is free and available to anyone willing to open their hearts to it. Love is the equalizer for us all. It is our essence selves. Meant to be shared. 

Here’s to giving and receiving love.

The Acceptance of Now

The perfect state is the acceptance of now. Eckhart Tolle.

How do we stay in the moment? In the now? How do we stop seeking nirvana rather than accepting it is in every moment of everything we do? Why do we believe there is more? Why are our brains programmed to believe in the next moment, and the next moment rather than in the moment that we are in. Because at the end of the day this moment is all that we have.

This moment is our gift of time. It is our gift from the Universe. Our ability to be. Peaceful and serene. Last night I was driving home and my mind was racing. Thought bombarding other thoughts. Like there was an urgency for me to find my life purpose. Filling me with dread that if I don’t find it soon, I will live a life of discontent. That I would fail at life. And as I started to feel sorry for myself, something told me to look outside. To stop closing myself in. To look out the window.

And so I looked outside and immediately my spirit lifted. The day was giving way to night. The light was twilight and mysterious. The remnants of the sun giving off hints of its light as it was fading away to the other hemisphere. Letting me know there is always light somewhere. Always. It just moves from one hemisphere to the next. When I am experiencing darkness, someone is experiencing light. And when I am basking in the light, someone is welcoming the darkness. Light and darkness always shift. Always. So if we linger in one, we will lose out on the benefits of the other. If we don’t appreciate the light when we have it we will never be grateful for it until we are shrouded in darkness.

My whole being felt lighter allowing me to see the true beauty in the darkening sky. The shape of the clouds. Their varying shades of grey against the twilight sky. And then I smiled from the inside out because I knew I was being told by the Universe that my state of uncertainty is only temporary because I am being prepared for something greater. And as long as I am patient and remember to live in the present moment, remain open, without judgement, surrender to the Divine Plan, all will work out in the end. There is no need to panic. No need to feel like a failure. No need to rush what is not ready for me yet. It will all unfold when the time is right.

And then I breathed. Inhaling for a long time. Exhaling for a long time. And said a silent thank you to the Universe for once again guiding me. Allowing me to understand I am a part of a much bigger whole. Each person and thing has a purpose here and in time that purpose is revealed as long as we remember “the perfect state of being is the acceptance of now.”

There comes a time

There comes a time in all of our lives when we must face facts. When we must decide who we are and where we are going. When we can no longer hide from ourselves. When our essence self says enough’s enough and it’s time for the real us to emerge. When we stop questioning who it is that is pounding at our inner soul and we accept ourselves for who we are.

There comes a time when lies and deceit have no seat at the table. When all we want is the truth. When we can’t stand the manipulation and games that people play. When we want to expand our energy on things and people that resonate with us rather than people and things that take our energy away from us. Steal from us. Because we start to recognise that we are creating the situations that we find ourselves in. The people that come into our lives.

We start to realise we attract that which we project. We realise if we want better outcomes and better people to come into our lives then we have to adjust the way we think and believe. We realise when we are tested over and over again that we are growing exponentially and the people and events that knock us off guard are the best teachers we can ever have because they are taking us deeper and deeper into our essence selves. Allowing us glimpses into our shadow selves. Into that part of ourselves that is hidden so deep we don’t even know it is there.

And we are shocked when we understand we are being confronted by our own shadow selves. Not really by other people or events but by ourselves.  And then we understand that person or event was brought to us to teach us. To help us to move to the next level. To help us to understand more about what it is that we either want from life or don’t want from life.

There comes a time when we stand in front of the mirror and the image that is looking back at us is finally one that we feel comfortable with rather than one that brings us discomfort. There comes a time when we become who we are for what we are. And I feel I am getting nearer because I feel so out of sorts like I don’t know who I am anymore. Like the person that I had been carefully creating all my life may not be the person that I am meant to be. Like there is an awakening going on in me that I’m not quite sure where it is taking me but I am willing to go for the ride. To ride the flow. To see who and what emerges.

Like the butterfly emerging  from the cocoon, I feel I am on the verge and I am trying to learn as much as I can about my essence self, my shadow self so I can bring love, light and peace unto myself. Which will then radiate out into the world. This is my dream. My goal. 

A lesson to never take anything or anyone for granted

Yesterday was one of those days where all my family did was hurry up and wait. Instead of being in the moment, I kept projecting to the time my son and husband would be home from their boys’ trip, only to have to keep waiting.

They got to the Newark airport in plenty of time, so they thought, only to have the airport shut down on them due to an apparent security breach. So they were stuck in the security line for about 4 hours. Nothing or no one was moving. No airplanes were taking off or landing. Stuck. Waiting.

I called the airlines to see what was going on but they could not give me any details. So all we could do was sit and wait. My daughter had to go to her orientation for a dance camp she will be doing for the next 3 weeks. We had plenty of time after to get the last minute things she needed rather than rushing if my boys were coming home on time. So there was a silver lining after all.

She wanted to eat but I told her we could not go to a restaurant because I wanted the four of us to go to a restaurant together – thinking my boys would be home in time for an early dinner. Elated because my husband had sent me a text to say they were on the airplane – separated but on the airplane nonetheless.

And then as I sat on our porch looking out at all the beautiful light coming through the trees, my phone buzzed and my heart dropped because I knew it was my husband. And sure enough all of the romance went out of the moment I was enjoying because my husband’s text read, “Fire Alarm, we were halfway down the runway when the plane came to a sudden stop. They are fire trucks on the way.”

My heart nearly stopped then. All I could think about was the fact that my son and my husband were separated and I prayed that nothing untoward was happening. That it was just an alarm. I could imagine the angst they were both feeling – neither likes to fly – but do it because that’s the only way we get out of Bermuda.

I sat anxiously waiting for an update. My husband saying it was just a false alarm but they were heading back to the terminal as a precaution to change airplanes. And back to more hurrying up and waiting. Thinking of how much I wanted my boys home safely. Us back as a family. Events like these make me realise just how much I take for granted. Just how much I expect everything to go like clockwork always. And the shock I feel when it does not.

They then had to transfer to another part of the airport and wait for another airplane to come in. Frustration mounting for them. Finally the plane arrived and they boarded only to be told that the crew had been on for too long and they might have to get off the airplane so they sat and waited some more. Then my husband texted me to tell me there was extreme weather approaching the airport and they had 15 minutes to take off or they would be stuck. If I didn’t hear from him in 15 minutes then they had made it. Fifteen minutes came and went; I was relieved when I didn’t hear from them thinking they were on their way. It was 8.41 Bermuda time. They had been in the airport for nearly 12 hours. I went to shower only to come back to a flashing light on my cell phone. My heart dropped. They got so far but not far enough so they had to sit through the weather.

I gave up thinking they were not going to make it back that night. But I asked St. Anthony, Patron Saint of Miracles, to help them to get back safely that night. I went to bed at 11.00. A few minutes later my phone vibrated. A message from my husband to say they were finally in Bermuda. Relief flooded through me. I fell asleep and then in they came at 11.57. They made it before the night was out. They were finally home. A day of hurrying up and waiting for all of us. But finally we were reunited. Not in the way I expected. My daughter and I asleep. My husband coming through the combination lock in the bedroom because I forgot he left his front door keys at home. Frightening me out of my sleep. But a welcome fright. The waiting was over finally.

A simple routine of flying back home turned into an epic day of one misfortune after another. But with faith, prayer and a positive outlook my boys made it home. Telling me that we should never take anything for granted because it can change in an instant. We always need to tell our loved ones we love them. We need to go for it and not wait because we can never predict the future. I had the best intentions of eating with my whole family once we were reunited but in the end my daughter ending up eating spaghetti out of a can but she was a trooper. Letting me know we need to stay in the moment at all times because we have no control over what happens outside of our space.

A happy ending for us despite the mishaps and to the Universe I am truly grateful..

I pray that I can surrender to the real me

How is it that you can want something so badly that you can taste it. Yet you are so afraid of it that you don’t dare.

The aroma is taunting you. Wafting your way. Tempting you but yet you deny yourself the experience of it. Afraid that if you taste it, it won’t be as good as you imagined it would be. But the desire to have it is so strong.

Why do we deprive ourselves of what we really want because we don’t think we deserve it? Don’t think we’re good enough for it. Don’t want to be disappointed if it is not what we expected.

When we would never know if we don’t try. Why are so many of us so afraid of failure that we don’t try. Afraid that we will disappoint ourselves and others around. That we are not as good as we think we are. Afraid of the judgement of others. Rather than just going for it.

Accepting that the only judgement we should be worried about is our own because this is our lives and no one else’s. Why do we put so many obstacles in our way? And then when someone else comes out with our idea and they succeed, we kick ourselves saying we had the idea first?

Is it really true that none of our ideas are original - that we all come up with the same ideas but only a few of us have the nerve to bring those ideas to fruition? That only a few of us have the nerve to be judged. Scrutinised. While the rest of us sit on the sidelines asking what if. And judging. Criticising rather than doing. Why do we fool ourselves into thinking it’s safer that way. But we all have know deep in our hearts taking this approach is not fulfilling.

How do we change ourselves to be able to step out into the limelight knowing that the only failure is staying on the sidelines asking what if? How do we make ourselves do and if it doesn’t succeed not reprimanding ourselves but saying did that and it wasn’t for me? When do we accept that life is full of mishaps that provide us with the lessons we need to become a better person?  That if we stay on the sidelines we may be safe but we are also not living our authentic lives. Rather we are just existing.

I pray that I am able to get out of my own way. To go for it and see where I end up rather than always coming up with an excuse as to why now is not the right time. Instead asking myself, is there ever a right time? Challenging myself.

I pray that I can surrender to the real me. Bring her out front and centre and not be ashamed of who she is and what she stands for. I pray. 

Here's to lazy days

There is nothing like a lazy day. When you have no plans. No demands. Nothing that is causing you angst. When you feel free and clear. When your insides  feel clean. Uncluttered. When you feel like a child with not a care or worry in the world. That is Nirvana. Bliss.

I am learning to have those days more and more because I am learning to release attachment, expectation and ego. I am learning that the more I accept and process the feeling of detachment I earn the wings to fly. To not feel caged in.

I am learning that when someone does something to me that disappoints or infuriates me it’s because I expected a different outcome rather than seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective. When I put myself in their position I realise they needed to do or say what they did because they needed to feel worthy for themselves. Not for me.

I am learning that people do things to help themselves grow not to help me grow. So I am learning to not put my feelings or wishes on them. Sometimes, I will admit, it is easier to do with certain people and situations than others. I find that if I am deeply involved with a person, my expectations of them are much greater and therefore my reactions to them can sometimes be too volatile or too judgemental. So what I am learning is that I have to step back from the situation or person and give myself time to breathe. Time to process the situation and see it from their perspective rather than my own.

And the more I practice this, the more I feel my insides are getting cleaner. My reactions are becoming less volatile. The disappointment, anger and frustration are dissipating a lot quicker. And I feel just like the lazy days I am experiencing more and more. Free and satisfied with where I am.

Because what I realise more and more is that lazy days have always been there for me to enjoy but I have been so caught up in believing I had to be doing things to prove myself to others. To give the appearance of being busy so that I could be considered worthy. But now I know lazy days are synonymous with feeling good about myself. Giving myself permission to just be. Without expectation. Without ego. With detachment from all that is going on around me. Knowing I can't change anything except my reaction to it.

And you know what it feels so good to be like this. To be in the moment. To enjoy every single second of my life. I know I will not be able to be in this state all the time but when I achieve it, I will enjoy every single minute of it. As I intend today to have a lazy day. No demands. No expectations. No plans. Just going with the flow. And see where the moment takes me.

Here’s to lazy days. Freedom  from ego and expectation. Liberation from the shackles of my own mind. Here’s to Bliss. And accepting I am worthy enough to have lazy days.

Magic in the moonlight

Last night my family and I spent a very charmed night out. We were at The Dining Room at The Lighthouse for dinner. And we sat outside at a table overlooking the Great Sound and the South Shore. As my husband said a 270 degree view of the Island. There was so much beauty to take in that sometimes we lapsed into silence absorbing the changing scenery as the evening wore on. In awe of nature’s abundance.

The view was spectacular. Reminding me of how beautiful my home is. Just how magical my little Island is. Sailboats in the Sound. Colourful houses dotting the landscape looking like a fairytale land. Flowers of all colours adding to the magic. The ocean and sound as still as can be.  The only ripples coming from boats.

The restaurant quickly filled with tourists who were snapping pictures as were we. Prompting me to say to my family we are so fortunate to live in a place like this every single day. Fortunate to live here while others pay a lot of money to get here to have a glimpse of what we have every single day.

As a result of us being placed in the premiere spot in the whole restaurant setting outside, we were filled with love and the conversation flowed so openly and honestly between us. Covering the whole gambit of feelings, insecurities and fears. But because we were all coming from a place of love, any ill feelings were put to rest very quickly. Hurt feelings smoothed over replaced instead with love. Misunderstandings corrected with no effort. Illustrating that when we operate from a place of love, there is nothing but love.

And then when we thought it could get no better, as the evening progressed and the light gave way to the darkness, out popped the most serene full moon from behind the clouds. Giving the evening an even more magical feeling. Transforming the dark and still ocean to a stream of light over the spot where the moon sent down its beams.

My son took pictures trying to capture the light of the moon. Its essence. Its beauty. Trying to store it on our camera against the backdrop of the lighthouse sending its beams out from its centre point. Looking at the lighthouse whose light resembled a collection of sparkling crystals spinning on its axis shooting out beams of light over the ocean, across the sky, throughout the land. And then at the moon whose natural light was shining big and bright. Natural light intersecting with artificial light.

It was then I realised the lesson the Universe was sending me and I felt it resonate deep down in my soul. Even in our darkest moments, there is always light. Always when we are ready. When we are grateful. When we are open. Have faith. Trust in the Universe and all that it has to offer. When we are love. When we are still enough, there is always light.There is always love.

What a magical moment for my family to share together. Knowing that we are love. Created from love. And a part of a Divine Plan that always give us exactly what we need when the time is right.

In gratitude for the abundance in my life. For the beauty of the full moon. For the radiance of the Lighthouse. For the magic of my island home. For the love in me and in my life. And for realising all I have.

It's our differences that make us stronger

I have been reflecting on my family’s recent journey on the Thames because it has had a profound effect on me.  Aside from feeling totally relaxed and in tune with myself, my family and nature, I had a great Aha moment. And it is that people of different cultures and races bring balance to the world because they become open to so many experiences, places, and people they would not have experienced otherwise. My marriage is an example of this. I am a black Bermudian married to a white Englishman, now Bermudian too, who originally hails from the North of England.

We grew up seeing life from two different lenses so we have two very different perspectives on life. Often clashing over the simplest things. But after 22 years of being together, 20 of which as a married couple, I realise it is our differences that make us stronger together. Not our similarities. Because each of us brings something completely different to our marriage. Challenging the other to be the best he or she can be as individuals. Allowing us to grow stronger as a couple.

What I realised from our journey on the Thames together was that when individuals from different backgrounds come together as a couple, each opens the eyes of the other to new experiences. Often existing outside their comfort zone. Adapting to environments they may not be used to being in. Challenging them to come face to face with their own insecurities.

I am really grateful that my family made this journey up the Thames and back again because it opened me and my children up to a different side of England. A whole new means of travelling. Pushing me way outside of my comfort zone only to discover I have a new comfort zone. Making me realise how wonderful it was to challenge myself to do something different while helping my husband to fulfill one of his dreams to helm a river barge.

I had written off going on a cruise again because I realised on our Alaskan cruise last year that I don't like being in the middle of the ocean. So I was apprehensive about going on a barge. But once we were on the river and I was able to see land on either side of me and there was no way we could find ourselves in the middle of an angry ocean, I relaxed completely. Surrendering to the beauty and serenity of cruising down the River Thames seeing animals, homes, people, trees, beautiful gardens, bridges, locks and lockkeepers. And more importantly seeing myself reflected back to me in nature.  I appreciate my husband that much more for helping me to expand my horizons. To experience something completely new.

And for helping me to realise and understand now more than ever that it is our differences not our similarities that help us to grow. Help us to love. Help us to become better people. Better parents to our children because they get to see that existing outside of their comfort zones can be challenging but well worth it in the end. That it is differences not similarities that help us to develop compassion, empathy and self. That the world is not black and white. Instead it consists of many shades in between. And for my multicultural family, I am truly grateful.