Sunday 22 January 2012

Doing the best I can


Sunday. My first one after starting work. My first one where I am thinking of all that I have to do next week and wondering how I will fit it all in particularly since I will be a single parent as my husband is going to a trade show. Adjustments needed again for my family  with the fragile routines we are just starting to establish.
Breakfast done. Laundry washed. Homework on the go. Baking for a birthday party. Remembering that I forgot to get a gift or card for the party. Thank goodness I have a son who can make cards so that’s done.
Thinking of all the shortcuts I need to take for next week to fit in my children around working. No time to think about me. Wondering if I will be able to continue to write my blog. Telling myself to breathe. Be in the moment. Stop thinking about what hasn’t happened yet. Just go with the flow.
Wondering why I’m not perfect yet after all this soul searching and finding I’ve been doing lately. Reminding myself I am only human so I can’t be perfect. But still wishing I was nonetheless. Wishing I could split myself into the many segments my life is in at the moment so each one could get the 100% attention it needs. Realising that’s impossible.
Okay so now I really need to breathe so I can stop all this judgemental behaviour on myself because if I don’t I won’t get anything done. All I will be doing is chasing my own tail. Stepping back from my mind going at the speed of light and sitting.  Writing.  Breathing. Feeling the tension oozing out of my fingers onto the keyboard. Gratitude for the escape even if it’s for a few minutes today. But giving myself some time to slow my thoughts down and concentrate on this one joy of writing. Exhaling and seeing possibility again. Relief floods in.
Feeling pleased with what I have managed to accomplish today. And knowing that if I take the time to breathe I will accomplish what I am meant to accomplish and can’t feel bad about what I don’t. Because I am accepting I am human. Not a machine. Just me. Imperfect. Woman. Wife. Mother. Spiritual Seeker. On a journey of love and light. Doing the best I can.

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