When paths cross they do so for reasons

Have you ever bumped into a person over and over again and wondered why? A person you had never seen before until one day your paths crossed. You met. You chatted then walked away thinking that was the end. Until that person keeps appearing whenever you think you should contact them. And they appear in places you least expect them to appear. That's exactly what has been happening with me lately.
It seems this person and I have unfinished business we need to adddress with each other in order for our paths to stop crossing. I know now that I have to do just that. I believely strongly as a result of some of the lessons I have learned along the way, that you never want to burn bridges or slam doors in people's faces because you never know where they may end up next.  Or for that matter where you will end up next. Treat people in the way that you want to be treated and no matter what happens from there, you have done your best to be your best.
Opportunities come in many guises and sometimes from the people, places and things you least expect. Often they come disguised as threats to test you to see if it is really want you want. Sometimes you have to fight for them. To do things you never thought you would have to do to gain the opportunity. But if life was straightforward, none of us would really grow or understand who we really are.
So Universe I get the message, I need to meet with this person I keep bumping into, to chat, to explain, to reconcile. And then we can both move on until our paths we take cross again. Should they need to. Everyone and everything comes into our lives for  reason - sometimes to teach us lessons, other times for us to teach them. But always, always paths cross for symbiotic reasons if we are open to see them.

Intersections

Sitting on the Gatwick Express watching the scenery go by just as night is turning into day. Looking around the train at the new faces. Strangers all together on our way to where we need to go. Paths crossing. Unknown destinations for the majority of us. But held together on a common train. In the same direction. To disperse as we need to.
I look around for a friendly face.People are sleeping. Long commutes. I look outside my window. Taking in the new scenery. On a grey Monday morning. The beginning of another work week. Lights are being switched on in houses and businesses as we speed by.
Life is waking up. Long commutes. Tired faces. Looking around I realise just how fortunate I am to live in Bermuda with short commutes. Everything within arms reach. Reminding me how good it is to get out of your every day routines sometimes to realize just how good you have it.
I look out the window again. Barren trees, grey sky. Cool, crisp air. Refreshing actually. Not too cold but I am wrapped up tight. Prepared for the cold. Smiling at the odd evergreen in the midst of the barren trees. Trains passing each other by. People looking in from the other trains. Faces. Distance. Where are they going? What's on their agendas? Weary eyes. Empty stations. Office buildings lit. Everywhere is brown at the moment, brown buildings. No blue ocean. No green trees. No colourful flowers. No sound of birds chirping in the morning. Though a flock of pigeons just flew over the train.
Quiet. So quiet on the train. No one speaks. Some read. Some sleep. Some just stare out the windows. Makes you want to ask them how they are feeling on this grey Monday morning. But they don't look inviting. Faces are closed. Expressions are muted. What a way to spend everyday getting to work. I feel so fortunate to be stealing in and out of their routines. Knowing I have something to look forward to when I go home. Missing the beauty of the day waking. But grateful for seeing another day even if it's not the same. Seeing it from a different perspective. Grateful for landing safely at Gatwick. Grateful for seeing life from a different perspective.
Oh well my time on the train is coming to an end. The buildings have switched from small and brown to tall and glass. Double decker buses are moving to and fro. More people moving about. Hustling to get to work. I feel the tension starting to build even in the faces of those around me. Time to shut down my computer. Time to put on my armour to go out into the masses and prepare to get in the taxi for the next part of my journey.Grateful for it all. Here's to Monday morning in London.

Change - allows an emergence of our own desires

Sunday – usually my day of bliss but it’s a rushed day for me today as I am preparing for my first business trip for my new job. And mentally preparing myself to be away from my children. Thinking of all I need to prepare so they have a good week without me.  Full of mixed emotions about both. Knowing I have to do what I have to do. Bringing to mind the quote I read, “Change is always fearful to humanity for they perceive it to be unknown rather than an emergence of their own desires.”

I have to accept this change as the stepping stone to my desires. Travelling away from my family to meet new colleagues is all a part of where I am meant to be. So I am resolving in my mind that this too shall pass.

My family has been scattered for a while now. My son soon to be a teenager trying to assert his maturity and independence.  Full of activities, school work and things to do. Challenging his mind. Helping him to grow into a fine young man.

My daughter growing and changing as well. She too busy with all of her activities. Both are gone more than they are at home with us. Growing up and away from us.

I look at them and am reminded that time waits for no one. We have to keep going. Keep moving, Keep changing with the changing dynamics we encounter along the way because if we don’t we become stale, bored, left behind. Looking at my children and seeing how their needs for me have changed, I recognise that change is what takes us to where we want to be – not necessarily in the way we had envisioned it would but it does. Keeping us on our toes. Testing us to see if what we thought we wanted is what we really want. Asking us to challenge ourselves to be authentic and honest with ourselves. Giving us signs of where to go next. What paths to take next.

Sunday – my day of rushing around today – different from how I usually like to spend this day but I accept and embrace this change. Knowing it is helping my own desire to emerge. Helping me to be the best I can be. Metamorphosing like the caterpillar into the butterfly. Winds fully opened flying to the next step.

Sometimes what we need is right in front of us

I can't believe how much of a lesson I learnt night before last. It has been bothering me ever since so I decided to blog about it with the intention of remembering this lesson particularly since it came from my children.

The other night I went into the kitchen and there was a trail of where my children had been. Tape on the buffet table. Scissors on the bench. Sewing kit on the kitchen counter. Glitter glue on the Island. Paper on the dining room table. And instantly I got angry because I have been trying so hard to teach my children to clean up after themselves.

My daughter is the messiest of my children and she is the most artistic so I assumed it was her once again leaving a mess through the house. I yelled at her, "Why didn't you clean up after yourself?"

She looked at me with a hurt look and said, "But it wasn't even me. I didn't do anything." After she said that and seeing her expression I felt really bad.

"Oh it was me," my son said. "Sorry forgot to clean up."

They were busy making birthday cards for my husband and their dad so I left them to it. My son on his computer collating family pictures making a collage of memories and putting our family clan on the back. My daughter on the floor with glitter pens, crayons and paper making her card. I walked out of my son’s room feeling like the worst mother in the world.

After we read our story, I asked them where the cards were and they both said, "We'll show you." They were both so excited it was priceless. They led me to the entrance hall and said, "See."

I looked up and on the arch of the entrance hall, they had hung a banner they had made that said, "Happy Birthday Papa".  They wanted him to feel special when he got home from his trip even though it was not his birthday. They felt bad that they were going to be out for sleepovers so they wanted to make sure he knew they were thinking about him and that's why they had put the extra effort in to make his birthday special. On the banner they had strung their cards up so they could pull them down for his birthday when they got home. And that explained why they had created the mess.

I had walked under that arch several times and never even saw the banner they had made, I was so focused on their mess that I didn't even see the masterpiece they had created. And once I saw it, I hugged them and told them how proud I was of them for being so creative, ingenious and thoughtful. They were so proud of themselves. The mess they had made paled into insignificance once I saw what they had accomplished, totally unprompted and from their hearts.

After they went to bed, I walked back out into the entrance. I stood and looked at the banner for a long time. My heart swelling with pride. And realised my children were teaching me an invaluable lesson. They were letting me know sometimes what we need is right in front of our faces but we are so busy trying to find it that we don't even see it until someone points it out to us. And then our eyes open wide and our souls even more when we see what we need has been there for us waiting for us to really see it.

And what’s funny is once I knew the banner was there, that's all I could see after that.  I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. But I guess the other part of the lesson was I wasn't meant to see it until they could present it to me, allowing me to take in their enthusiasm and pride and getting the full picture of what it meant to them. Taking me to the second part of the lesson, sometimes we don't and can't see what we need until we are ready.  Here's to my children being my teachers yet again. And my gratitude for recognising them as my teachers. 

What do you see?

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful than the lights in the sky in this photograph? The wonders of nature igniting our senses once again. Forcing us to surrender to its power.  Its magnificence.  Awakening our souls to its splendour. I feel like this just looking at the picture. I can only imagine how intense and awe inspiring it must be for the people actually witnessing this natural phenomenon.

People in Northern England, Scotland, and Ireland are being treated to one of life’s treasures – The Northern Lights or Aurora Borealis. I always wondered what caused these beautiful lights in the sky. And because they are so spectacular this year and in places where they normally aren’t I was able to discover the how.

The lights are caused by charged electrons from the sun colliding with the atoms in the outer bands of the Earth’s atmosphere. As the electrons enter the earth's upper atmosphere, they collide with atoms of oxygen and nitrogen at altitudes from 20 to 200 miles above the earth's surface. The colour of the aurora depends on the atom it meets and the altitude when they meet.

Green - oxygen, up to 150 miles in altitude

Red - oxygen, above 150 miles in altitude

Blue - nitrogen, up to 60 miles in altitude

Purple/violet - nitrogen, above 60 miles in altitude

Look carefully at this magnificent picture - what do you see? I saw the soft feminine outline of an angel at first. As I looked closer I saw a stronger image of the Phoenix rising from the ashes. Spreading his wings. Majestically. Looking directly at me. The yin and yang of us all – the masculine and feminine duelling for balance.

Reminding me we are a part of something much larger than we could ever image. A part of an infinite existence.  Where there are no explanations for how we all began. No explanations for how we continue to be. A place where energy is all there is. Connecting one source to another. Creating life. Giving life. Taking it away. Magnetism pulling the light across the sky. Dancing for us. Sweeping us up into its mysticism.

The reason why we are all out of sorts at the moment is because of the electrons being shot across our universe sending us all in a tizzy because energy connects us all and can destroy us at the same time. Airplanes are being diverted between the US and Asia because of the solar storm that is about to happen. The Universe is in the process of one of its great changes and so are we.

We are being delivered a message from the Universe letting us see its power through beauty. To remind us how interconnected we all are. Those charged electrons colliding with the atoms are affecting many of us from all walks of life, all corners of the world asking us to remember we are all. We are one. Atom to Atom. Electron to Electron. A part of the Universe.

Something wonderful is going to happen to me today

This morning I woke up praying for my fairy godmother to come along and wave her magic wand. Instantly changing my circumstances. Bringing me clarity. Taking me out of the twilight zone of the unknown. But she didn’t come. And I knew she wouldn’t because I am my fairy godmother and only I can change my circumstances by the way I view them.

I am trying hard to walk the walk I keep writing about instead of just writing about it. You know practising what I am preaching or in my case writing. But it’s hard when I am constantly being tested to remain positive. It’s easy to be cynical. To view the glass as half empty. To project outside of myself then to look within.

By now I should be able to walk on water because of all I have been through. Instead of sapping my own energy because I am being so judgemental of myself. So I closed my eyes and asked for guidance to rebuild my strength and stop letting doubt side track me. Then a story I read to my son when he was a baby came into my consciousness. It was about an elephant who desperately wanted to fly. The elephant tried and tried and believed in himself and talked to himself but still he could not fly. He questioned the universe about why it was that he could not fly even though he truly believed he could. And the answer was nothing is impossible as long it is within the confines of your physical being. We can’t fly physically but we can fly figuratively. We can’t do everything and be everything to everyone else but we can to ourselves.

My quote for the day from Bill Cosby was “I don’t know the secret to success. But I know the secret to failure is trying to please everybody.”

And that’s it for me for now. Time to make breakfast. Wake my children up. Get dressed. Tell myself something wonderful is going to happen to me today. Drive my children to school. Go to work. Remind myself something wonderful is going to happen to me today. Set my intention for the day. Reflect on it. Project it. Live it. Do it.

No fairy godmother. Just me waving my magic wand and getting on with it.  Because I know something wonderful is going to happen to me today.

I am loved by love itself

“I am loved by love itself.” Maya Angelou.

Read the words.  “I am loved by love itself.”  Pause.

Now say the words out loud. “I am loved by love itself.”

Now close your eyes. Hearing the words, “I am loved by love itself.”

Feel the embrace of eternal love as the words, “I am loved by love itself” flow through you.

Last night I was feeling really sorry for myself. Feeling down because I am not as productive as I would like to be because I have so many demands on me right now. Self imposed demands I must add. Being too hard on myself instead of staying in the flow.

When I read this statement by Maya Angelou I started to breathe again. When I let the words resonate through my soul I could feel my heart swelling with love. My breathing changed. A warmth rushed through me. My eyes watered. My whole being tingled because I realised more than anything that “I am loved by love itself”. And because I am there is nothing outside of my realm of possibility. Nothing that can stop me unless I allow fear to overwhelm me. Blame to confuse me. Chaos to derail me.

But when I step back and think about all that I am, I understand, I am love and love is me. There is nothing more beautiful. More powerful. More connecting . Than love. Love is everything. It is the essence of who we are, how we are created and how we remain connected. Love is free. And is available to us all. So from now on when I’m feeling down I am going to remind myself that “I am loved by love itself” and there is nothing that I can’t do because I am love. And the same is true for you.

Let’s practice being in love with ourselves today. Not in a narcissistic way. But in a pure and unconditional way. And when we do, love will radiate from within us to those we come into contact with and the whole energy will shift, change into something magnificent and wonderful.

I am love and so are you and so are we.

 Here’s to a love filled day today.

Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace?

"Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not." -Eckhart Tolle

Yes! I have finally found the answer to the question so many people keep asking me now that my life has changed yet again. Everyone wants to know if I am happy and I have been finding it difficult to answer them in a way that made sense until I read this quote. Everything inside of me lit up because I finally understand how and what I am feeling.

So many of us spend our lives chasing happiness. And when we find it, we try so hard to hold onto it, we lose the moment of complete bliss because we are too focused on what happiness is meant to feel like rather than surrendering to it and enjoying it.

I know with absolute certainty that happiness and inner peace are two very different feelings. Happiness is conditional. Inner peace is not. Happiness comes and goes. Inner peace does not. Happiness is an emotion that cannot and will not remain. Inner peace is a state of being that just is. Happiness is judgemental. Inner peace is not.

I am so relieved to understand what it is that I am experiencing. I thought it was a numbness. A lack of passion. Yet I feel content with where I am in my life. Assured that I am where I am meant to be. Calm in the eye of the storm. Following my inner voice. Doing what I have to do. Not questioning. Not resisting. Just being. Doing. Flowing.

So for anyone who asks now I have an answer. I am more than happy could ever be because I have found an inner peace so solid and full of light that even when it is dark outside and I lose my way I know that if I focus I will find my path again. Happiness is fleeting. Inner Peace is forever. 

“Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see.” 

Sharing opens our hearts

Someone recently told me I was very brave for sharing my feelings on my blog. At first I didn’t understand what she meant until she explained she always thought I was someone who had my life together who seemed unflappable and she’s glad to know I am experiencing the same things as she is. And then I understood.

There are some of us who carry ourselves in such a manner that it looks like everything comes easy to us. That we sail through life. It isn’t so. No one sails through life. Life knocks us all down at some point in our lives. The difference between those who look unflappable and those who don’t is the way we deal with those situations. No matter how many times we are knocked down we keep getting up like the Black Knight  in The Monty Python sketch who kept coming back and saying, “It’s only a flesh wound. “ Even though he had no arms or legs left , he didn’t want to surrender, to give in. He wanted to fight until he was no more.

And that’s what people who seem unflappable keep doing. The reason why I write my blog so honestly and openly is because I am learning through my blog what I am really feeling. Who I truly am. What I am capable of. And more importantly that I am not alone.

Writing exorcises so many demons for me that I don’t even know are there. It brings things to the surface allowing me to confront them head on. Not other people’s problems. But my own. Realising that yes sometimes people may mistreat me, hate me even. But it is up to how I deal with myself and my reactions to them that matter the most. I have learnt there is nothing I can do about them or any situation that is not within me because I can’t control it.

Writing has helped me to share because sharing opens my heart to the plight of others and helps them to open their hearts because they realise they are not alone. That no matter who we are, where we come from, what we are perceived to be, each one of us has his or her own demons he or she is dealing with because they are the essence of our growth.

I also know that my mother died at age 44 of a stroke because she was so proud and so private about her life that she kept her true feelings bottled up inside her. Possibly thinking her life was worse than anyone else’s.  Possibly too ashamed to let people know the extent of her disappointment with life.  She worried a lot. I now know that as an adult. Her face had that constant crease of sadness. Of despair. Of feeling like she had nowhere to turn. Until she went to bed one night and her mind exploded from the weight of her worry causing her to have a stroke. Followed by a cerebral brain haemorrhage one day later. She never woke up again. She died. She was only 44.

I will not do that to myself. I blog now because I know how difficult life can be sometimes but as long as I have an avenue to express my feelings, to vent, I am sparing my life for another day from dying of worrying.

 I am 48 now.  Almost 49. Feeling blessed and grateful for every day I get to share. Growing older with grace and wisdom. Knowing I am not alone.

Doing the best I can

Sunday. My first one after starting work. My first one where I am thinking of all that I have to do next week and wondering how I will fit it all in particularly since I will be a single parent as my husband is going to a trade show. Adjustments needed again for my family  with the fragile routines we are just starting to establish.

Breakfast done. Laundry washed. Homework on the go. Baking for a birthday party. Remembering that I forgot to get a gift or card for the party. Thank goodness I have a son who can make cards so that’s done.

Thinking of all the shortcuts I need to take for next week to fit in my children around working. No time to think about me. Wondering if I will be able to continue to write my blog. Telling myself to breathe. Be in the moment. Stop thinking about what hasn’t happened yet. Just go with the flow.

Wondering why I’m not perfect yet after all this soul searching and finding I’ve been doing lately. Reminding myself I am only human so I can’t be perfect. But still wishing I was nonetheless. Wishing I could split myself into the many segments my life is in at the moment so each one could get the 100% attention it needs. Realising that’s impossible.

Okay so now I really need to breathe so I can stop all this judgemental behaviour on myself because if I don’t I won’t get anything done. All I will be doing is chasing my own tail. Stepping back from my mind going at the speed of light and sitting.  Writing.  Breathing. Feeling the tension oozing out of my fingers onto the keyboard. Gratitude for the escape even if it’s for a few minutes today. But giving myself some time to slow my thoughts down and concentrate on this one joy of writing. Exhaling and seeing possibility again. Relief floods in.

Feeling pleased with what I have managed to accomplish today. And knowing that if I take the time to breathe I will accomplish what I am meant to accomplish and can’t feel bad about what I don’t. Because I am accepting I am human. Not a machine. Just me. Imperfect. Woman. Wife. Mother. Spiritual Seeker. On a journey of love and light. Doing the best I can.

Week One Down

Week One down and behind me. No looking back. Just moving forward.

It's Saturday and it' s a beautiful one. Clear blue skies. Not a cloud to be seen. Trails from occasional  airplanes snaking across the sky. No wind. Silence. Stillness. Peacefulness. Except for the Saturday routines I have to do with my children. But now it feels a little different. A little less taxing because at least I am spending some time with my children during the day. Catching up with them about their week. Missing picking them up from school hearing immediately about their day. Grateful for having had the opportunity to spend that time with them before going back to work.

My children have been so sweet to me this week. My son doing more for himself. Telling me I need to preserve my energy for work. Making my heart swell to have a son so full of compassion. My daughter  getting on with what she has to do. Neither seeming too upset by the change in our routines. All of us adjusting. All of us doing what we have to do to survive and thrive as a family.

Every change allows us to have a new perspective on life. To view things differently. To appreciate what we have. To be grateful for everything that comes our way. This morning I took my time getting out of bed. I took my time getting myself together. Took my time thinking about the day. Trying not to feel overwhelmed with what lay ahead. Instead expressing gratitude to the Universe for helping me to take life as it comes. For opening doors for me that I need to go through. Shutting doors that I don't. Leaving me open to explore and accept every challenge that comes my way.

Sitting outside on my verandah. Taking advantage of the clear fresh air. Grateful to be outside rather than in. Looking around at my glorious surroundings especially on a day like today when every colour is as vivid as can be unobscured by the haze of the humidity. Without obstruction from clouds and darkness. In full view. Pure unfiltered light. Forcing me to take a deep breath and exhaling for a long time. Acknowledging after my first week of being in the twilight zone of trying to get my feet on the ground at work again that today, Saturday, is my gift from the Universe. Letting me see the wonders of change and letting me know everything is going to be all right because it is as it is planned.

I am glorying in today. Sitting, writing whatever comes to mind. Without rushing. Embracing the sense of peace that is spreading through me. And giving thanks to the Universe for all of its blessings.

Inspiration from creating My Next Chapter Story Board with Oprah

Last night I came home feeling pretty exhausted from trying to assimilate back into the work world. Relearning systems. Taking more time than I like to get anything done because I am learning my way again. Feeling slightly frustrated that I am not as productive as I would like to be.

Then I opened my Facebook page and Oprah had posted a reminder about completing a story board on the next chapter of our lives. Immediately I felt joy about the prospect of creating another story board. I love creating my story boards because they make my heart sing. They remind me where I am in my life and what I see myself achieving.

I never know what I am going to do until I open the story board. Looking at the blank canvas, something awakens in me.  My creative juices start to flow. I feel like a little girl again. Carefree. Able to create whatever comes to mind. Putting thoughts, photos, and collages together of my dreams. Bringing them to life. Then stepping back and seeing the outcome. Shocked at first by my artistic abilities. Then feeling absolutely elated that I was able to bring to the surface what has been brewing deep inside.

Seeing what I am come to life through images and words without fear of anyone cutting my dream down. Not altering any bit of it because it is mine to keep.  A sense of freedom. Joy. Love. Gratitude. All in a collection of my own creation and I feel so pleased. Happy. Rejuvenated. Refreshed.

If you’ve never tried creating a story board, I highly recommend you do. It is one of the most therapeutic avenues for helping me to see, feel and understand who I am and what I really see as possibility for myself.

I am attaching the link for you to use and hope you get the same satisfaction, joy, peace and love out of it as I do.

Here’s to the creative and inspired you. Start Your My Next Chapter Story Board - OWN TV

Finding our centre

When we ask the Universe for guidance with all our heart and soul, the answer appears like an oasis in a storm. I was looking for direction. A focal point. Something that would allow me to catch myself again when I found this quote and it totally resonated with me, “The whole world is a cyclone. But once you have found the centre, the cyclone disappears. This is the ultimate peak of consciousness.”Osho

No truer words could have been said for me than those. In the centre of every cyclone there is the eye – calm, serene, beautiful and peaceful.  No matter how strong the wind. No matter how fierce the storm. The centre does not change. It is not affected by the chaos surrounding it. A message to us all.  No matter how frantic it may seem around us if we remember to look for the centre and put ourselves there, the cyclone will disappear.

Finding our centre enables us to have a clear mind opening us up to be more receptive to the solutions we are seeking. Enabling us to perform in a more efficient and effective manner.  Enabling us to understand no matter how much chaos there is around us, we don’t have to invite it in. We don’t have to become a part of it. We don’t have to become it at all. We just have to take a deep breath and allow the winds to dissipate until we are centred. It is then that we reach a point of such clarity about what comes next we forget the cyclone that is happening all around us.

Finding the centre allows us to understand nothing around us can affect us at all no matter how impossible and destructive everything around us may seem. It allows us to understand the world’s cyclones are outside of us and therefore have no power over us because they are not us. Breathe through the next one that enters your life and see what happens. I know I am going to try my hardest to do so. Preserving my energy and strength where they really need to be used instead of fighting against forces I cannot control. Breathe.

Worrying is a waste of Energy

As many of you know I went back to full time work this week and to say the process of starting over again is exhausting and sometimes overwhelming is an understatement.

Whenever we start something new, we worry too much about how people will react. Will we be able to meet the expectations? Have we made the right decision?  We spend so much time worrying about worrying that we don’t do.

The last few days I have been experiencing this very thing. Nerves on edge. Until late in the afternoon when the piles were building on my desk. The phone was ringing nonstop. Emails were piling in.  Demands were mounting. And my head felt like it was spinning like the girl in The Exorcist. I took a deep breath, opened my Buddha book looked at the serene photos and read some peaceful words and then I felt myself starting to relax. The noise in my head started to lessen. The worry and fear seeped out of my pores. And then all that was too much before became a walk in the park. Everything made sense. Everything fell into place. My thoughts became more organised. My focus became clearer and I tackled the piles. Putting them in order. Prioritising what was to come first and did instead of worried.

I came home quite late as a result but just in time to read to my children. For the last couple of weeks I have been reading a story a night to my children from a lovely book called, Enlightening Tales, by Sri Swami Satchidananda. And last night’s story was an affirmation of my discovery yesterday.  Last night’s story was called, “How to Stop an Elephant”.  It was about a little boy who had been given everything he wanted so he had no fear. No worries. Because he was fearless, he believed he could do anything and he did. At his young age he was able to stop an elephant.

Then one day he was given a task he could not solve.  So he spent the whole night worrying about it so much so that when he was asked to stop the elephant the next day he couldn’t.

The moral of the story was, “Never worry about anything. Worry doesn’t bring any benefit to anyone. On the one hand, it saps your energy and takes away whatever capacity you do have. Instead, remain calm and peaceful, and you will always know what to do.”

Both my children loved the story and they loved it even more when I told them about my last few days and how the story had affirmed to me that worrying is truly a waste of energy.  

I AM a wonderful inspiration

My son and I watched the movie /documentary, “I AM” by Tom Shadyac. Prior to having a life changing experience, Shadyac was living the Hollywood life many would envy. He directed such movies as Ace Ventura, Liar Liar, The Nutty Professor, and others before having a mountain bike accident which left him with a concussion – leading to bouts of depression and occasionally suicidal thoughts. Desperate for answers he turned to unconventional treatments. He reached the point where he accepted he was going to die. And once he did, he questioned what life was really about.

Shadyac embarked on a quest to find out what is wrong with the world only to find so many things right with it. Watching this movie with my son was an extraordinary experience because throughout the recurrent theme was how interconnected we all really are. How our actions can and do impact everything and everyone because everything and everyone is interconnected. I want my son to understand how significant he is in this world because what he does directly affects our global ecosystem so he can think about the choices he makes with his life. “I AM” provided such a vehicle for him to think and I was happy to be with him, introducing him to the concept of cause and effect.

“I AM” explored the concept that cooperation and competition are equally necessary in our lives, with not one being more important than the other if we are to reach a common balance. We learned that animals operate in a democracy every single day making decisions where the majority rules in the pack, not the alpha male. The movie debunked the whole theory about packs relying on the alpha male for leadership. Instead it highlighted a direct link between surviving and thriving in the packs to cooperation rather than competition. How each animal is reliant on the other to do well.

“I AM” is well worth seeing because it is a movie about the need for us to shift our consciousness if we want to continue to thrive as a human family. Each one of us has the power to change our world simply by changing the way we think and live. Every action affects the entire environment we live in because we are all one. Of the same genetic coding. Of the one source.  As Desmond Tutu says the ocean is made up of single droplets of water and each droplet has an effect on the ocean. And the same is true of our human family it is made up of individuals. Each individual having a profound effect on how we as a human family thrive.

The next Chapter of My Life begins today

Today I am embarking on the next chapter of my life. I am going back to work full time because the time has come for me to do so. I do not know what this next chapter has in store for me but what I have learned over the last ten months is as long as I remain in the present moment I will be okay.

I marvel at being given the opportunity to grow from a broken woman scarred from being thrust out of her job unexpectedly to a woman who knows life is greater than how the world and people want to define us. To a woman who knows there is no tomorrow or yesterday. All there is now. To a woman who knows every challenge that comes her way is to help her understand more about her shadow self so she can become a better person.

I am grateful to the Universe for waking up this morning. Taking some time to catch my breath. To breathe and contemplate where I am at the moment. Building strength and positive chi to go back into the corporate world with the spark I now carry in my heart, mind, body and soul to spread. To be “positively positive” as much as I humanly can in the face of adversity.

To remember we are a collective consciousness brought together to help each other to be better citizens of the world particularly when I am confronted by negativity. To know that I am now being sent out as a beacon of love and light therefore I will continue to face challenges along the way. But as long as I remember the interconnectedness of us all I will stand strong because I have been preparing for this moment my entire life.

I am ready for this moment. Ready to step into uncertainty knowing I am where I am meant to be. Amen

A Special Note:

To my loyal followers I know not how my postings will develop or when they will be posted from this moment on.  I am going with the flow and being led by my inner voice. I know I am not walking away from writing this blog because it has become an instrumental part of my growth and voice. Bear with me as I transition into the next phase of my journey. With love and light as my journey continues in another direction.

Spreading the spark through TEDx and Eric Handler

If you have never experienced TEDx, it is a site well worth following and watching.  According to the website, “TEDx was created in the spirit of TED's mission, "ideas worth spreading." The program is designed to give communities, organizations and individuals the opportunity to stimulate dialogue through TED-like experiences at the local level.

At TEDx events, a screening of TEDTalks videos -- or a combination of live presenters and TEDTalks videos -- sparks deep conversation and connections. TEDx events are fully planned and coordinated independently, on a community-by-community basis.”

This morning I watched the TEDx link for Eric Handler who has started a movement called Positively Positive –you can find it on Facebook and he has just joined Twitter. It was a very moving story about how and why he started Positively Positive. It was all based on one day seeing how stale his life had become once he really watched how vivaciously his children live life. He felt he had lost his spark and looked around at the people that were there who he felt had lost their sparks as well. He questioned what happens to us between childhood and adulthood. He questioned how we lose the spark. And then he looked up and saw a sign that said, “Attitude is everything.”

He knew instantly he had to adjust his outlook on life. He realised with certainty that there are three phases to life.  The beginning (birth). The middle (life). And the end (death). We are born and we die. There is birth and there is death. Those are our only certainties. The middle phase the phase between birth and death is where we all are at the moment and it is called Living. Yet very few of us really live. Really explore our lives and possibility. So many of us fail to stay in the present moment where we focus on what is right in front of us. Instead we are either projecting into the future – worrying about what is to come. Or living in the past – worrying about what has been. It is for these reasons that we lose the spark. We don’t see the joy right in front of faces because we are too consumed with what isn’t.

If we could be like children and be our spark by living in the present moment, we could increase our joy exponentially. We also need to find those sparks in our lives and invite them in, embrace them, then share and spread that spark with whomever else is open to receive. Imagine the world of peace, love and joy we would have. Close your eyes and feel your spark and magic. Now open them and spread it.

Because as told by Eric Handler reciting the Dalai Lama, “Man surprised (me) because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present. The result being that he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die. And then he dies having never really lived.”

We all need to live life not worrying about what is to come or what was because then we will miss the beauty, abundance, love, light and peace that is right in front of us if only we remained in the present moment. Happy Sunday everyone. Let’s practise today living in the moment and capturing our spark then spreading it.

Thoughts and abundance

Yesterday morning I had so many thoughts swirling through my mind that I decided I to lose myself in nature to remind myself of who I am. I walked from my house to Elbow Beach. Walked slowly along the beach. Taking deep breaths. Listening to the crushing sounds of the ocean. Stopping and looking out over the ocean. Realising again that the world is really an abundant place with enough abundance for us all to share as I looked out over the horizon.  Seeing no end.  I started snapping pictures to try to capture the beauty I was witnessing. And I exhaled.

Seeing footprints in the sand wondering how different their path was to mine. Knowing there are those who have walked before me and those who come after me. Hoping mine would be prints of purpose and love. I snapped a photo of the footprints and walked on. Feeling strength growing with every step. Love and wonder. I inhaled and exhaled. 

I walked up the hill past the hotel feeling like I was in paradise as I watched the palm trees gently swaying in the breeze. As I saw the colour green as vividly and as lushly as I could remember.  I snapped  pictures trying to capture the utopia I was experiencing. And I exhaled again.

I walked along the road surprised by many of the wonders I take for granted – the garden that grows behind the bus stop. Providing an oasis in the midst of the daily grind. I snapped a picture of it as well so I wouldn’t forget it. Again I exhaled.

I turned into the old railway trail where once again I was removed from modern trappings. Taking a step back in time as I was enveloped by trees on either side and in some places providing a canopy over my head. Snuffing out the light. I inhaled deeply and walked through listening to the sound of the trees and leaves rustling in the breeze. Almost like they were whispering secrets to each other. I wondered what stories they could tell about all they have seen. I snapped more pictures. And I exhaled.

Then as I was almost at the end of the trail I came upon a solitary bench near a tree facing a memorial park for a young lady that had been brutally murdered in Bermuda many years ago. Shocking our community. I snapped a picture of that bench because there it stood in the midst of nature. Empty. But with purpose. Strong, yet inviting. And I realised that sometimes we will have to face life all alone with only our inner strength to carry us through but if we stand strong and remain true to ourselves the darkness will always turn to light and we will be okay. I inhaled the knowingness and exhaled the unknowingness. And I felt lighter. Richer. Full of love.

I walked out of the trail onto the main road leading back to my home and realised that when I first started my walk my mind was so clogged with thoughts I hadn’t even seen the beauty that was right in front of my face. I live on a tree lined street that invites you in like you are in a fairy tale. A place that if you want to believe in magic and fairies and possibility, you can because they have a place to be. It was then I knew that I live in paradise. I need to remember where I am even when I am going through hell because as Winston Churchill said, "if you are in hell, keep going". And in my case knowing I am surrounded by heaven all the time, I now understand hell is only a temporary state of being. Heaven, Paradise, Utopia are always if I open my eyes, heart and soul to them. And I exhaled for a long and peaceful time as I felt my mind, body and soul being embraced by love and light.

And for the blessings of nature I am truly grateful. Namaste.

Tasting the hands of defeat allows us to become resilient

“You do not become strong until you have tasted the hands of defeat, for out of the ashes comes a soul resilient to the harshness of life.”

This quote is dedicated to those of us who are feeling like we are being tested beyond what we thought we could handle. We all have the ability to withstand the harshness of life. However there are only some of us who believe we can and as a consequence we are tested over and over again. And the reason we are is to allow us to go out into the world as teachers, always knowing we are the student as well because in life the lessons are constantly being taught to help us to become better people.

Life can be every harsh sometimes but if we close our eyes and tell ourselves even the hands of defeat shall pass and imagine what our lives will be like once they have passed  then we will free ourselves from the struggle and we will just go with it. Resisting the challenge, trying to force a solution, or pretending like the challenge/lesson is not there will only prolong its duration. Looking it in the face and learning the lesson it presents is the way forward.

Our inner strength is stronger than any physical strength we could ever have because it is our inner strength that determines our outlook on life. It is this strength that will allow us to weather any storm. It is our ability to cope with whatever or whomever comes our way.

Without inner strength, we would not be able to become resilient to the harshness of life. Defeat, hardships and disappointment are all stripes earned when we rise above them, leaving the ashes of their remains scattered about us as we slowly rise to claim the strong person we are. Spreading our wings like the Phoenix and soaring to heights only we, the strong, can see.

Children are mirrors of who we are meant to be

When I picked my children up from school the other afternoon I apologised to them both for snapping at them in the morning. And to my relief they had forgotten all about the morning and instead had forgiven me the moment I drove off. An invaluable lesson in staying in the flow and letting go of the past. A reminder as seen through children’s eyes, we are reborn not just every day but every second, every minute, every hour of the day.

We can choose to hold on to anger, frustration, anxiety if we like but all that does is cause resentment and resentment seeps into our souls like dark tendrils invading all of our places of joy and replacing them with negative energy. It is so easy for us to accept the negative because as Marianne Williamson says, “It is not our darkness we are afraid of, it is our light.”

When we see the light there is nothing obscuring our vision and it becomes up to all of us to pave our way forth and sometimes that’s hard to do. It's much easier to blame someone or something else for our shortcomings than to accept we are responsible for them. Confronting our own darkness can be frightening because it takes a lot of strength and self confidence to admit we need to work on certain aspects of ourselves. It takes strength and will to know that we are the reason why we are in the position we are, no one or nothing can make us feel the way we do. Only we can.

That's why children are always growing, exploring, dreaming because they have no real perception of the past and they rarely think of the future. They are present moment beings because they embrace life. We as adults can learn so much from our children because they are the mirrors of who we are meant to be. Children are there to remind us everyday just by being themselves of how free life can be. How free we can be because they just keep moving forward. And so can we.

Don't swim against the tide

Yesterday morning I sat in front of Hamilton Harbour. The water was very dark with white caps and lots of chop. It mirrored my mood when I first got there, choppy, dark because I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything. Trying to do too much, fit in too much. Be too much. Complete too much because I am about to embark on another Chapter in my life and time feels like it is running out for me to do all the times I was meant to do with this current phase in my life.

As a result of the stress I have put on myself because I can't tell anyone no. Because I am feeling vulnerable. Because my head is spinning, I shouted at my children on the way to school. I had no patience with them because I have no patience with myself right now. I dropped them off and as I was driving away all I wanted to do was to turn the car round and go back to hug them one more time to tell them I was sorry but I couldn't. And I knew they would be embarrassed beyond words if their mother turned up saying she wanted to hug them so I kept driving with heavy heart.

I sat in the parking lot in front of the harbour watching the waves and the white caps. Watching the ferries come and go. Watching the bird opportunistically diving in and out of the water trying to catch an unsuspecting fish. As I watched the harbour and the waves I felt the tension start to seep out of my body. It was so serene and soothing to just take a moment to catch my breath. To watch the sun shine for a minute then be obscured by the clouds. The sense of peace that washed over me was just what I needed. I inhaled and exhaled several times taking in the beauty of the place I live in. Expressing the gratitude I felt at that moment for having the wisdom to know I needed to just stop for a moment. To reflect.

And once my mind became silent and the chatter ceased and my heart rate slowed down, I realised why water has been more prominent in my life this week. The ocean which surrounds me every day but I sometimes don’t even see it, is trying to tell me to swim with the tide. Don't try to swim against it. Just go with the flow and when the tide subsides I will be able to swim wherever it is I need to go without effort. It was saying to me with its own movements, just stay in the flow and everything will be okay.

And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

Seeing the circle of life through the ocean

It was a picture perfect day yesterday. Sun shining. Humidity low. Air still. I came home after dropping the children of and asked my husband if he wanted to walk with me. He decided on Elbow Beach. We got to the beach, one of the most beautiful beaches in the world and I was aghast. The beach did not look so beautiful because Sargasso has washed ashore and is covering a large portion of the beach. And at first all I could see was the ugliness. The flies. The messiness.

But as we started walking and I felt the sunshine on my face warming my whole body, a feeling of peace washed over me. I removed my jacket which is amazing because it is January to inhale the freshness of the air, the smell of the Sargasso. The smell of the ocean. And then I was able to see beyond the ugliness. The sound of the ocean began to soothe me. To relax me. The waves crashing over the reef making them look like humpback whales frolicking in the waves. The motion of the ocean rhythmic to my ears as the waves washed in and out. Sometimes gently other times with force. The azure blue mixed with turquoise and other shades of blue that are almost indescribable. The scenery was breathtaking. The moment surreal. Sargasso and all.

I watched the water for quite some time feeling so small, so insignificant at the expanse of the ocean compared to the limited amount of land Bermuda has and shivered. I realised if the ocean wanted to, it could swallow us whole and not even notice. Fear rippled through my body as the vulnerability of living on a tiny island in the middle of the North Atlantic took over. The fear turned into memories forcing me to smile as I thought how different I felt when I was a young girl. I thought about how I used to look out at the ocean and its vastness and all I could see was infinity. I used to dream about what other people on other lands were doing. I used to imagine them watching the moon as I did at night and wondered what they thought. The vastness of the ocean didn’t make me feel insignificant then. Instead it used to make me feel free - like there was nothing boxing me in. Like there was a whole world out there waiting for me.

 When I was young I believed there was space for everyone. But now life has taught me the dangers of the ocean and I do not look at it with the same abandonment I did when I was young. Now I look at it with reverence because it moves side by side with my little island bringing in the Sargasso to nourish the beaches, to allow the sand to rebuild after hurricanes and storms, to give the tiny sea creatures the time to thrive, tiny crabs and other tiny creatures I could not identify.

I exhaled long and hard when I realised I was witnessing the circle of life through the ocean. The Sargasso there to replenish the sand. The water sending it in. Ugliness yielding beauty if we look beyond it. Thoughts of my childhood floating in. Visions of my adult life circling through. Everything and everyone, the ugly and the beautiful has its place in this circle of life.  Even when I move beyond this plane, the ocean will still do what it does and so will the Sargasso. We are all intertwined, one in the same, of the same cloth. Living, breathing, growing, exploring, changing all through the circle of life. 

We bought a zoo a must see movie

If you would like to see a good old fashioned family movie, I highly recommend going to see , “We bought a Zoo”. It is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.  My family went yesterday afternoon at the suggestion of my daughter and I am so glad we did. The time went by really quickly in the movie because at all times I was on edge rooting for everything to work out for a family broken by a tragedy desperately trying to put the pieces back together.

I saw in the movie aspects of my life. I could totally relate to the son because he was about the same age as I was when my mother died and his actions spoke louder than his words because he could not find the words to express how he was feeling. He was, as I was, on the cusp of puberty trying to figure out who we were when suddenly everything we considered to be safe was stripped out from under us before we could blink. He descended into a dark world where there was “no sun “as he said because when a tragedy occurs particularly someone who anchors the family it does feel as if there is any sun on you for quite some time.

The little girl so sunny and bright in the movie became the glue, the purpose that held the family together because she still believed in magic at her age. She moved on in her own magical way trying to make sure her family stayed together.

The father completely lost because he had to ground himself from being the adventure junky that he was travelling the world to find the next thing that would force his pulse to quicken before his wife died. After her death, he had to come down to earth and face the reality of being a single parent and what that meant. He also had to learn to communicate with his family again.

The way the story plays out, I won’t give away the end because you have to see the movie, shows that life in its everyday form is full of adventure and discovery when we face it head on. We don’t need to be in an airplane doing flips or bungee jumping thousands of feet to feel our pulses rush, all we need is 20 seconds to do something that we’ve always wanted to do and when we do the results are amazing.

There is hope - Chewstick

Yesterday afternoon I had a disturbing conversation with a young lady who told me how difficult it is to find young men who are not on drugs, not in gangs, or not selling drugs.  Her words stayed with me all day as I tried to figure out a solution until last night when I witnessed a phenomenon that spoke of Hope. I saw light in young people’s eyes. I saw a sector of the supposedly disenfranchised populace in not just Bermuda’s society but the global society, black males with their eyes lit up and pride in their stride performing at the ninth anniversary of Chewstick here in Bermuda.

There were so many black males with their backs erect, shoulders high and eyes looking to the sky as they rapped, chanted, spoke their poems, danced, or did whatever they needed to do to express themselves. With each one of their performances the only feeling I can describe that I felt was hope. And what I realised more than anything is our youth definitely needs a place where they can go to vent their frustrations in an expressive and constructive way. There were young men and women on stage who talked about how difficult it is for them when they step outside the box that tries to define who they are meant to be. They talked about their struggles. The names they are called. The difficulty they have when they try to be who they are and rise above all the destruction, chaos and negativity they encounter on a day to day basis in their natural environments.

They started out nervously then as they got into their words, you could see their whole demeanour and stature swell until it seemed as if they became the words they spoke rather than just going through the motions. For some of them it was the first time they were on the stage of one of our premiere locations, The City Hall. They stood side by side with others who they may not have even come into contact with – people from all walks of life, races, beliefs and social stature and they held their own.  Not one of them was judging the other based on the colour of their skin or where they came from or what school they attended or what their social standing is. But what brought them together was the common desire we all share and that is the desire to be seen, heard acknowledged for who we are. These young people shared from their hearts last night. They felt safe because they were a part of a family that they may not have at home.  And what was even more rewarding was looking around at the audience and seeing it was as diverse as the people on stage – coming together to listen to the words of our youth intermingled with the elders of the group.

The reason they blossomed so much is because they were allowed to express themselves in whatever form resonated with them. They were not told to tone it down or change it to appease the crowd. They were like birds learning to fly for the first time because they spread their wings and soared sending chill bumps down my spine. Bringing to mind Maya Angelou’s tale, “I know why the caged bird sings”. In their common life some of these young people are caged and can only sing and recite to find their authentic selves and bring them to the surface so they can understand the depth of their emotions. So they can explore who they are. So they can become who they are meant to be. If all of us would support institutions like Chewstick that provides a refuge for these youngsters from all walks of life to congregate and be heard think of how we can turn the next generation away from destruction. Think of the hope we can turn into doing rather than wishing.  Think of the numbers of lives we could save and families not destroyed. At the end of the day, all we all want is a family, a tribe where we feel safe and when we do that’s when we open up and become true to ourselves. Organisations like Chewstick provide such an outlet and they need to be supported.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Okay it's back to the grind together. All of us going full speed ahead with no end in sight. The lazy Saturdays are over as reality comes back with a vengenance. Running between the children's committments all while trying to fit in time to get things we would like to get done as well. The holidays are definitely over. The kind words and hopeful looks people share during the holiday period are over . Replaced instead with looks of so what happens next. The pace has quickened and the reality of a full new year looms ahead with many of us wondering what it will bring.
Everyone I bump into is between the minds of either feeling good to get the Christamas decorations out of their homes because it looks clean again to their homes looking too bare. These perspectives illustrating just how we either look at the glass as half empty or half full. A reminder for everyone one of us the way we live out lives is determined by the way we view life. We have the ability to change our situations whenever we want just by shifting our viewpoint.
My day thus far further illustrated this perspective. This morning was gloomy and overcast. The afternoon is now beautiful and sunny. I am sitting outside my daughter's first riding lesson for the year stealing the time to write my blog between all else I have to do. Thinking about the remaining laundry that I have to do when I get home. Thinking about the Christmas decorations I have to take down in my house. Thinking about the winter clothes I still have piled in the basket outside of my closet waiting to be packed away. Thinking about thinking. And trying to breathe between all I have to do.
And then just like that the birds starting chirping, the sun became brighter and I thought about whether my mind set was going to be on whether my glass is half empty or half full. And when I thought like that my whole mindset changed because I realised despite all I have ahead of me at the present moment I am sitting in an idyllic setting surrounded by trees, looking at beautiful cacti with blooming orange flowers, listening to the birds sing and doing what I love to do best, write. Immediately I accepted if I live in this present moment and savour it for what it is, all else will fall into place. And what I can't get done today was not meant to be done today and I won't worry about it.
My glass today is definitely half full because I am going to stay in each moment I find myself in and do the best I can while in it. Here's to being in the moment. Happy Saturday everyone.

Drawing inspiration from simply being

This morning I woke up worrying I had no inspiration to write. Thinking too hard. Worrying too much. Putting pressure on myself then I decided to take some time to quiet my mind and contemplate where I was at that moment rather than projecting into the future.

And here’s what I found – inspiration is everywhere.  All around us. Simply waking up in the morning is inspiration enough because we have been given another day to explore who we are. Inspiration comes from opening the windows and seeing the dawn of the new day. Seeing the subtle energy surrounding the trees as the night turns to day. Inspiration comes from listening to the birds chirping outside. The sound of the day coming alive.

Inspiration comes from the belief that we are meant to be here – living, breathing, and sharing this journey called life. Inspiration comes from watching our sleepy children, animals, spouses, friends, or whomever and whatever brings joy to us waking up for the day and seeing the light and anticipation come into their eyes.

I realised with such gratitude that inspiration does not have to come from a lightning bolt bringing me the greatest or most profound thought or idea in the world. Inspiration comes from accepting and appreciating the simplicity of our being in our everyday forms. Just showing gratitude opens our creative side wide and allows in all the joy and wonders that are ever present all around us.

I am inspired just by being me. For existing as I am. For sharing all my joy, wisdom, love, light and peace with you. I am inspired to be the person I am meant to be every day and I don’t have to worry or fret because the inspiration I need is always inside of me as it is in you.

Have an inspiring day by simply being you and being grateful for who you are and where you are as shall I.

Emotions are journeys not destinations

Why is it sometimes no matter how much we get in touch with our inner spirit we still feel the weight of the world on our shoulders? Why is it sometimes the inner chatter takes us on a much different road than we ever expected? Why is it sometimes the inner circle we have becomes our greatest challenge?

The reason why these challenges present themselves to us is because they open us up to dig even deeper to a place we glimpse but cannot hold onto forever because this place is reserved for the toughest lessons. It is the place of silence within our authentic selves. It is a place where we can hear the voice of angels. A place where we know the light always shines. A place where we feel the joy that is ever present in our lives but don’t always feel. A place always filling us back up when we feel empty even when we don't realise it.

I have discovered that we are challenged every time we reach a state of comfort to allow us to understand how strong we really are. And to let us know we are in charge of our destinies - no one else but us. To let us know when we are feeling empty we always have a place to go deep deep within our core to replenish and to feel rejuvenated again.

To know that happiness resides within in and not outside of us. That joy comes from within not outside of us. To let us know that we control our emotions and no one else can unless we allow them in, invite them in. To let us know when we have people that dislike us or speak badly about us, it is not us they are speaking about; rather they are speaking about their own shadow selves. To let us know that along this journey called life, feelings are not destinations they are journeys ever changing, ever moving, dynamic, not static. That to get caught up in thinking we should be happy all the time or should feel a certain way all the time is cheating us from feeling the full depth of our emotions. To know we need not feel bad when we are sad, overwhelmed, jealous or whatever our shadow selves is showing to us. Because when we feel these feelings , we are being asked to explore more about our own selves. Not others.

When we no longer react to the way people are treating us then we know it is no longer about our growth anymore.  It becomes all about their growth. And what we are then being asked to do is to make a decision about whether we want to stay and help that person or people reach their highest and best good by being patient with them and letting them experience their growth or if we want to don our wings and fly away.

As I was writing this I looked up and saw a woman I consider to be my spiritual mother walk by cementing my thought process just by her presence because I know we were drawn together by that unseen string that binds us all together so she could help me understand that other people's demands and reactions are their own and not mine. I have to let them be and not judge them. Not take them on unless I want to. She filled me up. She took me to the place of silence. To that place of my authentic self. And I felt my wings starting to come out again. I felt them spreading wide. I felt the joy inside again and I felt my spirit start to soar. Open. Willing. Ready. Able to stay in the flow. With joy. With acceptance, grace and faith.

When doors close in your face it's because they're not the right ones

“Maybe you’re the reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open the one that leads you to the perfect road.” Katy Perry.

Can you believe this quote comes from a Katy Perry song?  I read this and couldn’t believe it was from her Fireworks song. It is such a profound statement that made me reflect on life and closed doors. I came to the conclusion that when doors close in our faces, it is because we are actually willing them to close. We know deep down inside these doors are not meant to be open for us in the first place. Subconsciously we know when something is not right for us but often fail to take note of that inner feeling.  Instead we let outside influences direct us to open doors we are not ready to open.  We always know from a deep place within when the doors are not the right ones for us – not the right opportunities.

My whole experience last year after my job shut down taught me how true this statement really is. I knew I wanted to take the rest of the year off because I was so burnt. I could not believe after all the hard work and sacrifice my team had been through that someone could fly in and tell us we were not needed anymore. Just like that the lights were turned off and the party was over.

I wanted and needed to take some time to process what had happened in my life. I needed some time to reassess where I was. I also knew I needed to get rid of the bitter taste that was left in my mouth so I did not take the jadedness with me to the next opportunity.  I wanted some time to explore who I was. And during that time opportunities came my way that did not resonate with me at all but because I was feeling pressured by outside influences I pursued some of them against my better judgment. Not one of those doors proved to be the right ones for me. And I was glad to know my intuition was correct.

A note to us all when we feel like doors are closing in our faces we must remember it’s because the one that will lead us to our perfect road is still waiting for us to open it. We have to have patience, faith, focus and hope even when the doors slam in our faces to know that we are where we are meant to be.

We must remember when the time is right, doors will fling open for us allowing us to enter into a world designed to help us grow into the people we are meant to be.  Allowing us to accept and understand that no matter how difficult our trials may be and no key seems to fit any of the locks on the closed doors, when the time is right and the opportunity is right, we will discover we always had the key but we were simply trying to open the wrong door.

Family A reminder of who we are

Family such strange combinations of people even though we are weaved from the same cloth – no two people exactly alike on the surface but when you scratch beneath the surface, certain traits emerge as the same – a mannerism, a statement uttered at the same time, eyes locking when there is an understanding only family members understand.

But what weaves families closer together than anything else is the history we share. A history that no one else outside the family could ever know as intimately. And even that history varies according to the different perspectives when it’s told from one member’s vantage point. Yesterday my family got together for an impromptu gathering – the first holiday of the New Year. And what a great way to start the year.

Of course everyone arrived about an hour late – expected with family. And they trickled in one by one. The first to arrive quiet looking around trying to find their way. As each member arrived the volume increased, the energy expanded. Each member trying to re-establish the connection that we all had when we were growing up. Each member bringing his or her story to the gathering. Different generations gathered around the kitchen, dining room and living room.  The younger children off into other parts of the house entertaining themselves. The teenagers and young adults gathered amongst the adults trying hard to be grown up but sometimes wishing they were elsewhere.

The matriarch and only remaining member of my mother’s immediate side of the family arrived first with her eldest daughter and her grandson. I am always pleased to see her because she provides me with my greatest and only connection to my mother. They don’t look alike. They don’t speak alike. But they share an even greater history than I had with my mother – at least a longer one. I feel comforted knowing she knew my mother intimately. And if ever I want to feel close to my mother I just have to look to her. She reminds me that my mother really did exist and was not a dream or a figment of my imagination. She grounds me and my memories of my mother. She is like my security blanket.

My eldest sister arrives raising the volume of the gathering to its highest octave. She brings the life into the family all the time - sometimes with controversy other times with tenderness. She is the first to criticise, “Your pea soup has no taste.” Then quickly assumes control of spicing up the soup. I am not offended by her remarks or actions because I accept her for who she is. She is the first to start everyone bantering back and forth. She is full of bravado but the one I know I can rely on for anything. When my mother died she was the first one there assuming control, stepping in to make sure everyone was okay, pushing aside differences and placing her life on the back burner to make sure we were all going to be okay. She still is like that today underneath the hard exterior she projects. Underneath the criticisms, the gruffness. Always on a diet. Always exercising . Always voicing her opinion. But has a heart of gold. And I take comfort in that.

My Aunt’s children arrive one by one and I always admire how close they are. They stick together no matter what. They always gather. And they never forget each other.

Then my youngest brother and his family arrive and I am so happy because they came. My brother and I have had our differences but at the end of the day he is my blood and always will be so.  I will always hold a special place in my heart for him. He was only eight when our mother died. Ripped out of her arms when she died suddenly beside him. To see how his life has developed despite the tragedy that unfolded right in front of his eight year old eyes makes me feel proud. I looked at him last night and thought about the fact that he was the same age as my eight year old daughter when his life tragically changed. I realised just how strong he really is even though he may not realise it to have survived such a tragedy and made something of his life.

Family – as I looked around at the gathering of four generations of our clan, my heart swelled with pride mixed with awe. What a great reminder of the place we come from. The foundation that weaves our experiences together. The nucleus that shows us how very different we are as humans yet share the same cloth. I am so happy we started the New Year off as a family. Everyone coming together. Lives totally different from the other. Experiences and challenges totally different from the other. But still we are bound by the same genetic coding. Reminding me that every person we encounter is a part of us and no matter the differences, we are all interconnected. One big human family. Here’s to family in 2012. 

I Can Do It

We are going to journey together for 2012 to reach our highest and best good. I am going to choose a theme or a mantra for the month for us to think about and explore so we can do whatever it is we truly and honestly believe we can.

The first mantra for the year is, “I Can Do It.”’

Many of us particularly those who are forty and over were raised to believe we are not good enough. We were raised by parents who survived the Great Depression, the Second World War and went through truly hard times and as such never really saw the finer things in life. They were raised with a scarcity mentality and in many cases raised us to believe the same thing. They were doing the best they could so we have no need to hold malice against them. But we do have the opportunity to change our mindset and break the cycle by believing we can and going for it.

I know this is true based on circumstances in my life. Had it not been for the death of my mother where I was suddenly thrust out to the wolves so to speak and I had to do what I had to do to survive and thrive, I probably would have gone through life believing my glass is half empty and thinking that I was only meant to achieve so much.

But once my mother died I learnt from the age of thirteen that the only person I could rely on for my success and well being was myself. I learnt I had to block out the naysayers and repeat to myself I could do whatever I set my mind to do.

At the age of seventeen I went to university with no money but full of hope and the belief that I was going to graduate somehow. My manta was I can do it. I can do it and I did.

Believe me if I can do it so can you. No matter what the obstacles are in our way they are there to test us to see how much we really want whatever it is we are striving for. Obstacles are not there to deter us as so many of us believe. Obstacles are meant to separate the doers from the dreamers.

So to start the Year of right our mantra this year is going to be “I can do it.”

Try repeating I Can Do it whenever we feel our backs are up against the wall or when we feel overwhelmed or if we need that extra boost.  Good luck and here’s to the new us for 2012. Remember we can do it.