Saturday 31 March 2012

The least obvious person is our greatest teacher


Last night I went to bed frustrated because I did not get anything accomplished I had planned to. My internet was down. My computer was going crazy. Zeros appearing across the screen. My whole dashboard reconfigured in a way that I did not know how to get into anything. I felt like I had lost my best friend when I could not get into my computer. The place where I write. The space where I can confront my innermost desires and fears was taken away from me. And I didn't know what to do. How to feel.
I was snappy. Irritated. No patience. Shouting at my children, my husband because I could not get to my computer. Then I wondered why it had happened. Was it because I needed to shut down. Take a break from my alter ego and just be for a bit. I tried to think like that but woke up this morning still feeling antsy. Worrying about how I was going to write my blog and post it particularly since I am flying today.
Then the outfit I thought I was going to wear did not look as good as I thought. I have put on some pounds so the clothes I used to look cute in don't look the same right now so I became frustrated with myself and the Universe again. Instead of telling myself to stop stuffing my face with carbohydrates that didn't appeal to me in the past.
So my husband and I ended up leaving the house a little later than I would have liked so I was again nervous about being late. Again taking myself out of the moment and projecting into the unknown. As we stepped out of the front door, the morning sound of a bird chirping so sweetly lifted my mood. I followed his sound and found him sitting at the top of our Poinciana tree. A little chick of the village bird, tiny as could be, but with the sound of much larger presence. Listening to him, seeing him against the backdrop of night turning into morning lifted my spirits.
I looked up at the clouds and the sky was picture perfect, wispy orangy clouds against the grey blue sky transforming from its night dress to morning light and felt again a sense of peace. As we drove to the airport, the roads were quiet, the air was still, mist was still clinging to the plants and objects not ready to let go, the light was growing and I felt like I was being given this opportunity to understand if I stay in the moment and enjoy it for what it is, I won't panic about what I can't control. I will just surrender to whatever is unfolding at the moment. So I did surrender and just sat back against the seat of our new car. Feeling like eveything was unfolding as it should.
Until I got to the airport and checked in, late because no internet the night before to do so and found that the only seats left were middle seats. My serenity gave way to disappointment. But then I decided to try to change my situation so I walked up to the counter with the biggest smile and the sweetest talk to see if I could sweet talk the agent into changing my seat. Not a chance. He couldn't change my seat because the flight was oversold. But I got him to smile.Then  I moved on.
As I rounded the corner for US customs I was confronted by a long line. School is out for Easter break so every family is taking advantage of the time to travel. Again my anxiety increased because I was hoping to write my blog while waiting. No chance of that with the line stretching almost back to the check in counter.
Then when I boarded the flight I ended up sitting next to a grown man playing shooting games in his IPhone with no ear plugs. the sound was irritating beyond belief and he was oblivious to anyone around him because he was so focused on his game. I looked at hin out of the corner of my eye with steam coming out of my head but when I saw his face I let go off my anger, that man was so content in his fantasy world that he was focused on the moment. Not worrying about what was going to happen next, who was going to be sitting next to him or whether the flight was going to leave on time, he was focused on playing his game.
And then I understood why he came into my life. To show me that if I too focus on the moment, my whole outlook will change and once  I got it, my outkook changed. My anger with him subsided. My body relaxed. I took a nap and when we levelled out, I opened my lap top and wrote this blog. Feeling like I have accomplished so much despite everything starting out in a chaotic way.
And the reason why it did was because I did as Ekhart Tolle says, "Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole life."

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