My computer has been giving up on me for a few weeks now. Shutting
down unexpectedly. Or not shutting down at all. But I have been refusing to
take heed of the sign. Refusing to let it go because it is sop much a part of
me. That every day I sit down to do something on it. Thinking it will hold out
for a while more. Not backing things up on it. Not sending things to the cloud.
But thinking it will not fail me. Overriding my instincts saying to use my
tablet and admit that my desktop is on its last leg.
But this morning, it taught me just how silly I have been. I
had just completed my meditation with Deepak and Oprah on Miraculous Union and was starting to write my blog. A blog that
felt really good. A blog based on what I got out of the meditation. And as I
was in the flow of it, I looked up and there were only 4 complete words on the screen
and part of the fifth. I had been writing for about 5 minutes only to find my
thoughts had not made it to the screen.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to smash my computer. I was so
upset. And when I calmed down I realised it was not my computer’s fault for the
mess I was in. It was my own fault for not listening to my inner voice. For not
listening to my computer telling me it was at the end of the line. That technology
does not last for more than three years anymore before it starts to fall apart.
That we are living in a disposable time where nothing is meant to last. And I
had to get used to it or I too would become a dinosaur – extinct.
And what I also realised is the blog I was writing was not
meant for today either. That I was being led to self-reflect. To know that I
need to listen to my inner voice more. To go where I am being led by it rather
than pushing ahead and doing what I know does not feel good to me. Because when
I sat down at my computer this morning, every cell in my body was telling me to
not use my desktop but to use my tablet instead. I failed to listen and now I
am suffering the consequences.
My frozen desktop is my lesson for today. To listen and take
heed of my inner voice. It will never lead me astray. My ego on the other hand as
well as my desire to control what is beyond my capabilities will all the time.
So begrudgingly I know I have to start letting go of my desktop. To find a way
to move everything I have on it to the cloud so I can still access it on
another device and call it a day. Hopefully I have not waited too long. Hopefully
I will still be able to salvage what I have.
I also have to be grateful for the fact that there is a
cloud and there is a possibility I will be able to restore my writings on my
new tablet. Keep your fingers crossed I am able.
And for my lesson on listening to my inner voice and for
having a backup device to continue to write, I am truly grateful. Okay inner
voice I am listening, ok.
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