This morning I was trying to be Superwoman. Not admit that I had been out partying and needed the extra sleep and help from my husband. When the alarm went off at 5 am, I was wide awake and waiting for it after going to bed at 2 am but for some reason I convinced myself that I needed to stay in bed. Telling myself I needed more sleep but I couldn't go back to sleep because of all the heavy food I ate late at night last night. But still I languished there watching time go by and then I drifted back off to sleep. To wake up with a start at 6.45! Too late to meditate. Too late to write my blog. But still I thought I was Superwoman and could do it all.
So I jumped out of bed. Got my children's breakfast ready. Packed their school bags. Got my daughter's Brownie clothes together. Woke them up then jumped in the shower to get dressed. Feeling pretty proud of myself for feeling so alert. Then the dilemma of what to wear to work today struck. Denim day, always more difficult for me than a regular work day. So clothes were flying in my closet and before I knew it, it was 7.45! Oh no!
I sat at the computer and desperately tried to write my blog. Desperately tried to think of something profound to write in ten minutes but nothing would come because I was trying too hard. Not really letting go. Frustrating myself because I could not get in the flow. Knowing it was because I was trying to force it and what I have learnt the most from writing is I can't force what isn't there.
Writing like life is all about being in the flow. Letting the feeling dictate the words. The passion dictate the direction and surrender dictate the theme. So I gave up and decided to post on Facebook that my blog would be late so those who choose to wake up with my blog would not be panicking about my blog - ego telling me there are those who do and that's why I felt pressured to deliver.
I decided to get my children to school. Take some quiet time before starting to work to write my blog and see where it took me. And as I calmed my mind and listened to the inner me, the words that came were, I am not a Superwoman and because I am not, I must be willing to ask for help. To let go and admit I can't do it all.
Had I done that this morning, my husband could have taken the children to school. I could have meditated and written my blog without panic. And the morning could have been a lot smoother. A lesson well learned and one I will remember.
When I read my Meditation for Living Life in Balance this morning, ironically, the topic was "Take a look at something you have been trying to control and let yourself see what a ridiculous solution trying to control it is. Then, if you can, try letting go and see what happens."
I get it loud and clear Universe. Loud and clear. If I would have let go of my desire to be a Superwoman by trying to prove I could handle everything this morning when I needed help, I could have been in a much calmer position. But because I was trying to control it all, I ended up with nothing I wanted for myself. Learning to ask for help does not mean I am not in control. Learning to ask for help means I am in control because I know what I can and can not do. What I am capable of and what I am not. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste
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