Harnessing the shift

There is definitely a shift in consciousness occurring right now. People of like mind are being drawn to each other. Swirling and whirling in the energy that is trying to manifest itself again. An old energy full of collaboration, love, compassion and empathy. An old energy that we forgot about in our quest for material and physical gain. Now that energy is making a resurgence because many of us are looking for the more ethereal, aesthetic, inexplicable feelings that come from that old energy. So we are attracting it back. Inviting it back. Calling for its return. And it is here now. I feel it more than ever. Do you?

I believe we are summoning this energy back because we recognize the way we are living now is not sustainable. Our physical and mental beings are exhausted by the pretense. The false and destructive way of living in the past is wearing us down. Creating so much heavy and oppressive energy that is manifesting in dark and ugly deeds and thoughts. And we are tired. So tired. We are being drawn like bees back to the hive. Back to the One Source. The Original Source. We are being asked to question and explain the unexplained.  To accept that sometimes there is no explanation. Except to listen to that voice in our heads leading us back to the place we need to be.

I feel it every single day. That I don’t want to compete. I don’t want to destroy. I don’t want to have one up over another. What I want now is to understand why one acts the way they do. Why I react in some situations the way I do. I am questioning when something happens why it happens rather than getting angry because it happens. I am trying to stop and think before reacting.

I am also examining the reason why people are coming into my life. Not dismissing anyone regardless of how invaded I may feel by their presence. Accepting the more emotive I feel about the presence of someone or something in my life, it is because I am being given the opportunity to learn the greatest lesson about myself. And to provide them with a lesson about themselves as well.

Because I am so open, people and situations I have not seen or thought about for a while are coming to me. Without me asking. Without me knowing why but what I am finding is when I put my guard down. Shoo away all the pretense and just be as open and as welcoming as I possibly can, I usually end up dealing with the person or situation from a place of deep understanding. Of deep compassion. Of deep love. And of deep empathy. Of deep respect. No judgment. No fear. No condemnation. And then I walk away feeling better knowing I was as honest with that person as I could ever be with myself. A gift in itself.

Touching that person or situation in such a way that allowed growth for each one of us. There is a definite shift in consciousness right now brought about by our need to feel we are a part of something much bigger than who we are and what we are physically. Driven by the need to feel we are contributors to our space. To our existence. To life itself. Not just takers. 

So I am learning not to shut the door too quickly on anyone or anything because they may be the answer I am seeking. My angel in disguise. Because I believe there is a definite shift in consciousness happening right now and I want to harness it as best I can to be the best I can be. Present in the moment. With love, compassion, empathy and understanding. Namaste.

A prayer for the pain, loss and endings

With pain comes healing

With loss, freedom

With endings, beginning

Sometimes we don’t know why

We are in the place we are

Sometimes we can’t understand

Why us

How we got to where we are

How dreams have been shattered

How lives,

How loves

How longings

Have been lost

Sometimes we are not meant to understand it all

Anything

Everything

Nothing

Sometimes we just have to let go

Surrender

Believe

Have faith

Particularly when there is pain

Particularly when there is loss

Particularly when things have ended

Sometimes just taking one step

Putting one foot in front of the other

Will

 Set us anew

Free us

From the pain

From loss

From endings

To discover

The healing

Freedom

Beginnings

Particularly when we discover our story is not ours to keep

That sometimes it’s for everyone

Not to be held

Not to be hidden

Not to be ashamed of

Because sometimes our story is a universal one

Set free

For all to see

For all to understand

We are all the same

All from the One

The mighty One Source

That weaves us all together

Piecing together

Our pain

Our loss

Our endings

Helping us to see

Sometimes we are storytellers

Who are meant to open

The hearts of those who have closed

Who think they are all alone

Who are heartbroken

To understand

With pain comes healing

With loss, freedom

With endings, beginnings

A chance to start anew

To be reborn

Because

There is always a story behind the stories

A hidden truth plain to see

A passage to an inner world

Hidden from the naked eye

Awakening only

When the sun sets

And our beliefs become one.

Releasing us 

From the pain

From loss

From endings

Giving us the wings

To embrace

The healing

The Freedom

And beginnings

Always
Opening us to all that is

Amen

What happens when the lie is bigger than our character?

“The Words” one of the most lyrical and beautiful movies I have seen in a long time. Despite the poor reviews the movie received, I am always drawn to movies about writers so I’m glad I got it because both my husband I loved the movie.  Particularly the peeling back of the layers of each character. The ending left for each of us to interpret according to where we are in our lives allowing us to understand its ending in the way that suits us best.

 It was the last movie my husband and I watched on our day of indulgence and being together to celebrate his birthday. A day of nothingness wrapped in everything. A day chosen because it was a celebration for my husband’s birthday at a time of the ending of his father’s life bringing us closer together and encouraging us to enjoy our time together. To live because we don’t know what moment will be our last.

The Words was a wonderful love story teaching us that the choices we make determine whether our lives will be lived as a lie or as the truth. That we are all capable of making choices.  Reminding us making the choice is the easy part but living with the choices we make is the difficult and most challenging part.

One of the lines that stuck with me and there were several but this one was especially true, “The lie was bigger than his character.” A very sad and poignant statement. Imagine being so unsure about yourself that the lie becomes bigger than you. That the lie makes you into something you could never be but society allows you to become that person. Until slowly but surely the truth seeks you out and there is nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

Life truly is about the choices we make. Living with those choices and remembering that at any point, we can change the choices we make by making other choices particularly if we know the choices are drowning us, suffocating us. Stopping us from being who we are meant to be. We always know. Always feel it deep down in our souls. When we desperately try to become something we are not to meet other people’s expectations, we are never satisfied because we can never be content in our skin. We are constantly looking over our shoulder for the true us to emerge or the false us to be found out. We can never truly accept the image staring back at us in the mirror because we know it’s not true.

So what I picked up from the movie is to be wary of allowing the lie to become bigger than our character. Because at the end of the day we will always have to face the character that is crumbling beneath the façade. And the outcome may be far worse than the lie.

Laughter food for the soul

I woke up this morning feeling very content. Feeling like I had slept for a long time. Feeling like I had beaten my alarm but at the same time knowing I hadn't because something did not feel right. Yet I lay in bed ignoring that voice telling me to check the time. I felt too warm. Too snug. After another 5 minutes of trying to quiet the voice. It persisted and got louder so I sat up and looked at the time. My heart nearly stopped. I had overslept by nearly one hour!

Oh no I thought what am I going to do. All of my joy of feeling snug left me then. My mind started racing. But still I did not get up. Justifying the lapsed time because I am not going to work today but I still have to take the children to school. Still have to mediate and write my blog so what do I do. Yet still my body was glued to the bed. I thought I am here because I am meant to be but the voice said but if you don’t get up now you’ll regret not writing your blog or meditating. Your day will start off in the wrong way. After all it is Monday.

So I relented. Listened to the voice and got up. Angry that my morning had started wrong. Trying to decide whether to write my blog first or meditate first. Meditate the voice said. And because I had ignored it earlier, I decided to listen to it so I meditated and my meditation was all about laughter and how it can shift our energy. I was encouraged to laugh as hard as I could as loud as I could.

At first I was angry that this was my meditation. I wanted something more profound than a stupid meditation about laughter. Listen, the voice said. Don’t close your mind to this meditation. So I gave in again.  I didn't laugh out loud as hard as I could because I didn't want to wake the house. And I wasn't too sure about this weird laughter meditation.

Everyone else on the meditation was laughing and they were laughing from deep down in their soul. And before I knew it, I was joining in. I laughed and laughed and laughed and soon my whole body, mind and spirit felt warm again. Full of energy. Full of love. Full of light and full of possibility. All obstacles gave way to pure and unadulterated joy. I knew the Universe was sending me a message to not take myself or my circumstances too seriously but rather to laugh sometimes. Lighten up sometimes to allow myself to accept that laughter is infectious and the perfect medicine for my soul.

Try laughing when all feels bleak. I did and it freed me to be me. To accept that sometimes when we take ourselves or our circumstances too seriously we forget to enjoy all that we are. In gratitude to laughter this morning. Opening my mind, body and spirit to possibility and creativity and joy. Laugh a lot today particularly when you feel you can’t and see just how great you feel. We always have the power to shift our emotions. Laughter is one easy way to do it.

Laughing through today and it’s Monday. Remembering that laughter is great food for the soul. Enjoy.

In order to gain anything we must be willing to lose everything

“In order to gain anything, we must be willing to lose everything" is a quote I read as I was preparing to start my Yoga class.

I had to read it over and over again before my Yoga Class started. Not really fully understanding its meaning before the class started, I decided to set it as my intention to understand its meaning during the class.

Throughout the class, the thought kept popping into my head. Changing the order sometimes but with the same intention. Sometimes I heard, We must give up everything to gain everything. 

As I was in a Yin Yoga Class we have to hold each pose for a minimum of two minutes. And sometimes holding poses can really burn. Test your will. Mentally and physically challenge you to remain in the same pose. But what I found with this lesson was whenever the thought of "in order to gain anything, we must be willing to lose everything" came into my head,  if I released when I felt the burn from holding a pose, I released the burn as well. And what was left was a deep sense of quiet and peace. A deep sense of comfort because I let go. Causing my whole being to smile inside and out.

When my Yoga class ended, I totally got what in order to gain anything, we must be willing to lose everything meant.  I realized it meant that we must not place attachment on any outcome. Not focus too hard on the destination. The ending. Instead we must just live our lives as they are and see where they lead.

By attaching an outcome, we are always in search of the outcome rather than enjoying the journey and the deviations along the way. With attachment we lose out on possibility. With detachment we open ourselves  to more than we ever dreamed. Because we are not limited by what we believe to be the right outcome. Instead we become unlimited in our possibilities.

We must give up everything means having the ability to surrender to all that is. And accept we are where we are meant to be. No expectations, no attachments, no outcomes, just the journey.

Easy to say but difficult in practice. All our lives we have been reaching for the finish line. Trying to cross over first. Oblivious to our surroundings. Instead keeping our eye on the prize. But what I know for sure is I am now being asked, being taught that the only way to gain is to let go. To surrender.

Like the leaf twirling and swirling in the wind. Drifting where the wind takes it. Dancing with it. Not resisting. Not holding on. Enjoying the dance. I realize I must let the wind carry me until I ever so gently land where I am meant to be. Even when I feel the wind is too strong and too painful. Even when I am most afraid. I accept that is the lesson I am meant to learn and I will keep going because that’s the journey I am meant to be on.

 And in the wise words of Joseph Campbell, I accept, “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 

Blood on our hands

Yesterday morning, my little Island home woke up to yet another killing, a double murder of two young black males. Shocking our senses. Most of us wondering why and when this will stop.

Last night as I was ending my day I wrote the following:

There is blood on our hands

Each one of us

There is blood flowing down our streets

Staining them and everything in its wake

Red

Blotting out the colors of nature

Obscuring the natural beauty

The natural order

The natural hues

Replacing them with chaos

Pandemonium

And fear

Staining our society

Our brains

Our creativity

Our environment

Why?

Many are asking why?

Many are questioning

How can we stop this?

When and how will this end?

The senseless killings

The senseless loss of lives

The senseless rage

How?

The only way we can

Is through forgiveness

Through peace

Through love

Through community

No more tit for tat

No more pursuit of the mighty dollar

At the expense of everyone else

At the expense of everything else

No more hoarding, cavorting or parading

Instead we need to listen to the sound of silence

Stop

Give ourselves the time to hear the sound of the nothingness that is the all

In order for us to embrace the simplicities of life

The natural order

The balance that is the all

How can we do this?

How?

By turning off the televisions

Turning off the computers

Turning off the radioes

The IPads and IPods

The androids and the tablets

Shutting off the cell phones

The excess noise that does not serve us anymore

And go outside

And breathe

In and out

Slowly and deliberately

Taking in the fact that we are products of our environments

What we see

What we hear

What we feel

Comes from the environments we are in

So we need to change our environments

To go back outside

To see the natural beauty that is waiting for us

Every single day

Outside the doors of our homes

Outside the prisons that have become our minds

Filled with media junk

Open our eyes again to the myriad of colors

The wonderful scents

The beauty of the world we inhabit

This planet called Earth

We need to sensitize our senses again

So we stop the desensitizing that is happening to our youth

So they can stop thinking they are not worthy

Because if they believe they are not worthy

Then who in their minds is worthy?

No one

Not even them

That’s why they kill

That’s why they hate

Because they do not know peace

They do not know love

They do not understand they are a part of nature

A part of the whole

They do not know who they are

Outside of what the television

The computers

The advertising machines

Are feeding them

Telling them

Recruiting them to move away from the whole

Away from their centers

We need to reign them back in

Embrace them

Show them

Reeducate them on how to love self

How to appreciate self

In order for them to love another

To appreciate another

To understand they are as much a part of our community as we are

Bring them back from their world of darkness

Killing games

And advertising junk

Because if we don’t

If we fail

We will all be crying for mercy

Mothers lamenting the loss of their sons

Fathers the tragedy of their loss

Siblings the ripping away of their siblings

Children the experience of their fathers

Asking why

We have blood on our hands

Blood running down our streets

Staining the beauty of all that is

Until there is no more

I don’t want this fate

I’m sure neither do you

So

It’s up to all of us

To help

To stop

To be the change we want to see

One day at a time

From a place of love

From a place of light

From a place of peace

From a place of nonjudgment

One person at a time

Breathing in and out

Stoking our inner fire

Clearing our inner spirit

Changing our environment

Making way for love and peace and understanding

Allowing each one of us to accept

We each have a responsibility to ourselves and to others

To rebuild our community

Our sense of belonging

Our sense of acceptance

Because we can finally understand

We are made up of more than our body, mind and spirit

We are also made up of our environment.

Greatly impacting our experience

Shifting it away from the blood on our hands

The blood running down the streets

Staining our environment

To one of beauty

Love and peace.

Amen

When death comes calling

When death comes calling

It comes to awaken us to life

To remind us of our own mortality

To remind us we are only here for a limited amount of time

In this physical form

In this physical space

In this physical dimension

It comes to awaken us to live

To do the best we can

To be the best we can

It breaks our heart

To heal our heart

It turns our world upside down

To give us the scope to turn it around

It crushes our trust

In order to make room in our hearts to trust again

It yanks away our faith

Only for us to return to faith

To help us to understand that faith comes from our darkest hour

When death comes calling

It tempts us to give up

To stop

To move into the darkest recesses of our minds

And for a time we retreat into that space

Closing out everything and everyone

But then when we see that death

Came to liberate us

To free us

To give us wings

To understand that we are not here forever

To remind us we have a limited and finite amount of time

To be all that we can be

To treasure all that we lost

We understand that our lost loved one

Was our angel

Is our angel

Giving us wings

Restoring our faith

Healing our hearts

Reminding us that we are all one

Never separated

Never gone completely

For their memory lingers on

In our hearts

In the inner most recesses of our brain

Sending us the combined strength of the whole

Reconnecting us back to the whole

Showing us that all the individuality we seek

All the divisiness we self impose

Are taking us away from the whole

But death reminds us we are the whole

Because that’s where we come from

The whole

Each one of us interconnected in ways we would never see

Nor understand

If death did not come calling

If death did not take away ones we love

We would forget to live

We would forget we are not here forever

We would keep putting off until tomorrow

Believing tomorrow will always come

But it never does in reality

Because all we have is this present moment

Not yesterday

Not tomorrow

Just right now

Infinite beings in physical form for a short time

And it is up to us to live this life

Pay attention to this life

Appreciate this life

Accepting we are mortal beings

In this physical body

In this physical space

For a very short time

Because when death comes calling

We are done in this physical space

Moving back to the beginning

To the place we have in the deepest parts of our psyche

Because when death comes calling

It opens our heart to remember and embrace the whole

That we all are.

Embraced by the light

Of the light

Of pure and unfiltered love.

We remember we are the light.

The love.

The beginning and end.

Amen.

In memory of my mother Adelle Clitherow Harvey Johnstone Swan, my grandfather William Johnstone, my  father-in-law Austin Duffy, Penny Thompson, Ellvera Nusum and all those who have departed and were loved.

Ode to Austin Duffy, Farewell with love

As I was flying through the sky yesterday morning enroute to New York City, my father-in-law was taking his last breath in front of my mother-in-law, his wife of more than 60 years, my husband's mother.
As I was flying through the air enroute to New York City, my father-in-law was flying through the Universe taking on a different form becoming at one with the One Source. Going back home as some like to say. Accepting his wings and going back to the place of beginnings and endings. The place we all emanate from but have no memory of.
As I was flying through the sky enroute to New York City, my mother-in-law sat bravely by her husband's side saying goodbye to the man she had been with for the majority of her life. Allowing his soul to reunite with the One Source. Bidding him farewell as only she could.
As I was flying through the sky enroute to New York City, my husband was discovering his father has gone. Left this plane to move on to whatever comes next.
As I landed in New York City and turned on my phone I saw with shock that my mother-in-law had become a widow, my husband a fatherless son and my Aunt a lone survivor of her family tree and I felt a heaviness come over me.  A heaviness for the grief that is to come. The adjustments that need to be made. The continuing of life after the death of a loved one.
A heaviness that the news had come when I was not near to my husband to comfort him. To look him in the eyes and let him know he is not alone.
The news bittersweet, shocking and sad all rolled into one. Bittersweet because my father-in-law, Austin Duffy, a stubborn and proud man, had died peacefully with his wife by his side with him until he took his last breath. Honouring her commitment to their wedding vows - For Better or Worse. For Richer and for Poorer. In sickness and in health. Til death us do part. So said so done. A lifetime of togetherness. Not always easy but shared nonetheless.
Shocking because we thought Austin, who had cheated death some three years before, would do the same this time. But as my husband said, like the clock that slowly begins to lose time until it can tick no more and then stops, so did my father-in-law. His time had simply run out. Slowly and with dignity. His clock just stopped ticking.
Sad because we will never see him again. Never hear his tales of woe. His tales of life. Sad because he never got to win the lottery he so desperately wanted to win so he could take a cruise around the world. Lost chances that were never meant to be for him.
Gratitude that we went as a family and spent time with him and my mother-in-law last summer. Gratitude that my children got to know their grandfather. Gratitude for knowing Austin Duffy who accepted me from the day I walked through the door of their home some 23 years before.
Hoping he has cast the canes to the side and is now skipping to his next life. Without worry. Without fear. Knowing he was loved and his name will be forever more carried through the seeds of his family.  His name to be spoken and remembered. His memory cherished. For without him there would be no family for me because I would not have the husband or children I do today.  And for my father-in-law and his choices I am forever more grateful.
Rest In Peace Austin Duffy. RIP now. Your earth journey is now done. See you in the next life. You have earned your wings. No more canes. No more pain. Freedom to stand tall and erect. Onto the afterlife now. Whatever it may be. With love and light. Embraced by the light. Rest in Peace.

In the footsteps of Dr. King so shall I rise

What are we here for? Why have we all chosen to come to this plane at the same time? What do we bring to one another?

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day. A day of reverence and peace for a man who stood up to the unjust segregation days. A day when we think of a man who sacrificed his life so he could help to propel the peace movement. Not with violence. Not with hatred. Not with war in his eyes. Or revenge in his heart. But from a place of peace. A place of understanding.  A place of unity.  King was quoted as saying, “That old law about 'an eye for an eye' leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.” “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Many say he was not a saint. Many say he was flawed. But who out of all of us is perfect. Who out of all of us can call into question the integrity of another when each one of us has transgressed at some point in our lives?

But what was different about Martin Luther King, flaws and all, was that he allowed himself to be vilified, crucified and persecuted because he believed in his heart of hearts that we are all of the One Source. That the color of our skin does not determine the content of our hearts. That our physical being and state are far less important than our spiritual and mental being. That each one of us chose to come to this plane in service. To be used to help to propel our human race to the next level.

And what I now realize about Dr. King is that he was sent and put on centre stage then struck down before our eyes to make room for peace and forgiveness. To open our hearts to compassion. To take us to a level we could not otherwise reach. Until he was no more. Because often times our human nature does not allow us to see the goodness s that stands before us each and every day until it is taken away. Made an example of. How often do we wait until someone or something is gone or has passed before we appreciate it? Before we value it. Before we know its goodness.

And that’s why Dr. King, Gandhi and others who came in peace were taken away from us in such horrific and public ways because that was the only way to gain our attention. To enable us to see the extent of our pointless conflict. To enable us to understand and accept violence begets violence. Peace creates peace. Forgiveness creates love. To see that we are one. Of the One Source, Divine Spirit created in the essence of love. Further enforced when Dr. King reminded us with these words, “Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

I honor Dr. King’s memory by carrying love in my heart, peace in my soul, compassion in my spirit. Accepting that everyone that comes into my life regardless of skin color, social standing, creed or religion has come for a reason. The reason to serve me as I am to serve them. To help make our planet a better place for us all. And in the memory of this great and flawed human man, I carry forth the message he spoke, “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

And so I rise. So I rise to serve my fellow brothers and sisters. Embracing the oneness we are. For the betterment of us all. We are all. We are many. We are one. Namaste. 

A Monday morning prayer

I woke up this morning whispering  the following prayer,

"Thank you for allowing me to wake up this morning.

Thank you for allowing me to start another week, another Monday.

I ask that you use me to in whatever way you deem possible for me to serve myself and to serve others to bring forth love and light.

And for this blessing I am truly grateful."

All doubt and apprehension about another Monday left me as I felt a warmth flow through me. A feeling of  the Universe, the Higher Power, God, or whomever or whatever it is that is us infuse my soul, my spirit, my mind, my body with love and light. With possibility for all that is. I felt my whole mind and body tingle in anticipation of what is. Letting me know that what I do or say today impacts all of us because we are all one.

I lay in bed for a few minutes absorbing the feelings. Allowing myself to appreciate all that is and all that was and all that will be. With gratitude, grace, love and understanding.

I saw the image of President Obama come back to me. Remembering his words of wisdom, "There is something bigger than ourselves." That we are part of a much bigger whole in other words and I realized without a doubt that there are some people that come into this world to spread love and light. Actually that we all come here to spread love and light in the way that we know how. Some days better than others. Some days to be in the darkens to appreciate the light. Some days to be in the darkness in order to grow that much more.

And then I thought of a thought that came to me last night, "Don’t be afraid to live. Don’t be ashamed to come out again. Life goes on even when we feel it does not favour us. Even when we feel we are living a lie. A life that is not our own. Remember always the life we are living is the life we are meant to live. It’s just sometimes the choices we make take us down a road we did not anticipate but we always have the power of choice to go where it feels right. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Feel and live according to the voice of all knowing. The one that never leads us astray."

And then I inhaled all the goodness and light as I felt truly and honestly blessed to be waking up this Monday morning knowing I am ready to go out today to live the best life I can with the resources, experiences and love and light that I have. Accepting without a doubt that I am a part of the Universe, a necessary part because I am the Universe no matter what happens today.

Happy Monday everyone. Here’s to the beginning of a new beginning  - a blank sheet to live the life we were sent here to live. A chance to start anew. Remembering always yesterday is done. Tomorrow never comes. This moment is all we have. With gratitude and love. Namaste.

Sat Chit Ananda

When our souls cry out for the more. When  our heart bleeds for love. When our journey becomes lost to the destination. That’s when it is time to turn inward. To listen to our soul. To our inner voice. To all that is.

And this morning I was led to a beautiful and soul awakening, spirit soaring and blissful meditation by Gabrielle Forleo through the Deepak Chopra meditation series. Her meditation was entitled, Affirming Wellbeing through Mantras. And as I listened to her soothing voice and felt her words flow through my being all the tension in my body oozed out. My eyes filled with tears. Tears of pure bliss and joy. Not sad tears. But tears of inspiration and love.

Gabrielle said that mantras are the vehicles of the mind capable of creating transformation from the inside out. Simply by incorporating mantras and positive affirmations in our daily lives, we are capable of shifting our lives in any way we desire.

She reminded me we are the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become. Let me repeat that message again because it is a powerful one. What we think we become.  Our inner dialogue will affect our experience and outlooks of the world. Because what we think we attract.

So when we are feeling lost as I have been the last few weeks, it is best to reconnect to our inner most selves. To the all that is. And for me connecting using mantras to hear my inner dialogues is what shapes my reality. My new way of thinking.

This morning’s meditation used the powerful mantra,  Sat Chit Ananda. A mantra I love because it resonates so deep within my soul. So deep within my spirit. So deep within me. And the reason it does is because of its meaning. A meaning from the elders. From the wizen sages that have gone before us.

Sat means truth. Freedom from all limitation

Chit means total knowledge. Spontaneous knowing in our lives

Ananda  means bliss. Total happiness and fulfillment.

Gabrielle said Sat Chit Ananda means my soul is free from limitations. My soul has spontaneous knowing. My soul exists in complete fulfillment. My inner dialogue reflects the fire in my soul. My inner dialogue reflects the fire in my soul. And that’s when I felt the peace flow through me. The possibility return to my soul. The fear replaced with love. The questions replaced with letting go because I realize all my fear has been based on the destination. Closing me out on enjoying the journey, the experiences, the encounters along the way that may lead me to where I need to go.

Teaching me to let go off all that I have no control over and focus on the fact that I am Sat Chit Ananda. I am truth. I am knowledge. I am total bliss. I am because I am and I am able to shift my inner dialogue to reflect the life I want. To reflect the experiences I want to have. To be as I am meant to be. How liberating is that. How midlife awakening is that. When we listen to our inner thoughts, we are always led to the answers we seek. Always. Namaste.

@Gabrielle Forleo

@Deepak Chopra

@meditation

@Sat Chit Anadan

@Mantras

Midlife Crisis?

Yesterday I was having an exchange with a friend about my blog the day before. The one where I laid out all my vulnerabilities and fears. The one where I needed and wanted to release my inhibitions that may be keeping me back from being my authentic self. My friend sent me a message to say she was glad my blog yesterday sounded more positive.

And my response to her is that I am starting to feel my mortality. The fact that I am not going to be here forever. And I am questioning and examining whether I am doing what I was sent here to do. Questioning whether I am doing enough. Being enough. Whether I am walking in the right shoes.

And what has created this angst for me is the fact that I will be fifty this year. A decade my mother never reached so maybe  I am putting undue pressure on myself to do more. To be more. To live the life my mother never did.

In addition, I am also reeling from the deaths of people who, to me, had a vibrancy about them. Who seemed to be so positive. So grateful. So full of promise. Yet they are dying. So it makes me worry that for them to die so young, and I guess young is a relative term because teenagers think people my age are ancient, there must be a reason. And I am questioning whether their deaths are to remind me of my mortality. To remind me to live. To be. To remind me I am a human being not God. So I am trying to learn from them. Hear their message. And examine all aspects of who I am.

And in doing so I, have to go to the darkest and most hidden places of myself. To understand what I don’t want as well as what I do. And travelling to those places forces me to question, to search, to doubt. To fear.

My journey is also helping to me understand I am truly moving into the golden age of my life. To the age where wisdom trumps folly. Where the sage in me is meant to emerge more than the jester. Or so I believe. Hoping I am not suppressing the me that it meant to emerge because I am trying too hard to be something or someone I am not.

I may be going through a midlife crisis. I don’t know what a midlife crisis feels like but all I know is I am examining my life and trying to determine if this is the life I am meant to lead. I am questioning and meditating and doing courses and talking to people and letting out my emotions because I don’t want to bottle them up anymore. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be my authentic self and feel confident and secure in knowing I am who I am meant to be.

There is nothing wrong with me for doing this and I hope I am not making others feel afraid or think I am being negative because I am not. And I don’t feel sorry for myself either so you don’t have to worry about that part of me. No it’s the exact opposite actually, I feel like I am on the verge of something. That something I don’t know what yet. But I feel this path I am taking. The path of questioning, doubt and fear is actually helping me to grow.

It is frightening to expose my vulnerabilities and fears because I know there are those who love to exploit them for their own gain but there is nothing I can do to change that. Nothing at all. Except do what feels right to me in the moment. And that’s what I am doing.

So don’t cry for me my friends. And don’t worry. I am on a journey of love and light and sometimes that light creates doubt and confusion in order to make way for the new. It’s just I am sharing my journey for others in case they are on the same path. So they will know they are not alone and I will know I am not alone. So we can help each other to grow. To flourish and to embrace all that is us – darkness and light, ,  being and doing, questioning and answering, fear and love. to embrace the uncertainty because the only certainty in life is the uncertainty particularly when we are growing.
So instead of calling it a midlife crisis maybe I will reframe my experience to call it a midlife awakening. Feels better already. Namaste

Whenever I doubt therein lies my faith @MastinKipp

Yesterday morning I put my vulnerabilities out there. Exposed my fears. My inner most challenges. I put them out there because I was tired of feeling so heavy. So defeated underneath all of my optimism and faith. I didn’t wanted to feel like a fraud anymore. So I needed to hear and feel the extent of my vulnerabilities through the sound of my words to help me to understand what it is that is stopping me from doing.

So I released my feelings, thoughts and fears to the Universe, to myself and to you. Let them go. Surrendered  them. Exhaled them. Without expectation. Without reservation.

And then when I inhaled, there like the beautiful and elusive butterfly, the answer that I needed came fluttering gently down and sat on my shoulder. In plain sight. Waiting for me to see and hear. When I least expected it.

And interestingly enough the answer came not once but several times from different sources at different times of the day to remind me as @Mastin Kipp from @The Daily Love said last night, “Whenever I doubt there lies the extent of my faith.”

I am questioning and have doubt because I am on the point of revelation. And I was reminded yesterday that revelation only comes after periods of confusion and uncertainty.

@Davidji said, “I am the witness of every other moment, When I step back and remove all emotional charge and turbulence from any situation and totally witness it  then more possibility can evolve and truly sprout from that moment. “ Particularly when I surrender.  

My spirit mother came into my office yesterday morning to ask me how I was feeling. To remind me to change my feelings of inadequacy to feelings of adequacy. To change my story from misery to abundance. To shift my mindset from wallowing in self pity to embracing the uncertainty.

Last night when I got home, I read an interesting article about the retirement of one of the insurance industry’s elite, Mr. Brian Duperreault. I was surprised to find he was one of my angels for the day. Surprised even more to know that this man who exudes corporate power and influence is actually influenced by his faith. He stated, “Faith is my inspiration”. How inspiring is it to hear a man of that stature is driven by the uncertainty that faces us all. But he is successful because he moves beyond the uncertainty and confusion because of his strong and unbiding faith.

Then later last night I was drawn to the Daily Love course, Discover Your Soul’s Goals for 2013. A course I had all but dismissed. Thinking I was too busy. Too tired. Too lost to take seriously. But at 11.30 last night, The Universe directed me to that course. Asking me to cast aside my apprehensions and give it a chance. So I acquiesced and was I glad I did because my awareness was opened even more to the fact that the future is always uncertain. Always has been and always will be but what I need to do is accept that certainty is no longer serving me. I am looking for something greater. Something more than what I already know. And in order to find it, to attain it, I have to move beyond my human limitation of wanting everything to be certain. Because when everything is certain I lose faith in my ability to grow.

I am reprogramming my mindset to accept the quality of my life is directly related to the uncertainty I can live with. And what I know for sure is that I want to be of more service to myself, to my community and to the Universe. To embrace the fact that this life is not just about me but it is about the betterment of us all. And in order to achieve this sometimes I have to step out of life’s mediocrity to embrace the challenge of being in the mainstream. And focus on how much I can give back.

To accept that I am human and from time to time I will be challenged by life. By my faith. By my shadow self.  And no matter how spiritual I am. No matter how many lessons I learn. I will constantly be challenged to grow beyond where I am because that is how I become more compassionate, forgiving, empathetic and full of love and light.

As a matter of fact as I embrace love and light more and more, so too will be I forced to face my shadow self and I need not be ashamed of my fears, of my uncertainties, of my feelings of lack for when I own them, I  grow from them. Embracing the fact that “Whenever I doubt there lies the extent of my faith.”

Embracing my ego

I am really starting to panic that time is running out for me. That I am not doing what I am meant to be doing. That life is passing me by and I am standing on the sidelines watching it speed by. Wondering why I am not in its flow. Wondering why I am wondering instead of doing.

I am nearing the end of my life rather than the beginning. I probably have less years left in my life than I have lived and still I feel like that little girl deep down inside. That little girl who has stars in her eyes and believes that life is full of magic. Expecting the magic to come along and change things and shape her into her dream. But the adult in me tells me not to expect magic to do anything. The only person that can do anything is me. There are no fairies. No leprechauns. No genies that will come along and change my life.

I know these things but yet I have no idea what to do next. Am I meant to continue with the status quo? Am I meant to start doing things differently? I wish I knew what I chose to come here to do. I wish I knew so I could get out of my own way. Do the things I chose to do. And be satisfied with my lot.

Learn to be present and enjoy my life rather than projecting into what isn't  Learn to stop feeling like my life is passing me by and step into the flow of it because I have the ability to do that. Lately I am not sleeping. I am awake every two hours with thoughts buzzing through my head. Thoughts about why there are so many people I know who are dying suddenly or at a relatively young age. Afraid that it could be me. Afraid that I will end my days disappointed about my life. Afraid of being afraid.

Asking myself if I were to die tomorrow would I be proud of my life? Would I feel like I had contributed to society and to my family and to myself? Would I honestly be able to say this is the life I had envisioned I would be living?

When I ask myself these things I realize I have never envisioned my life. I have usually just gone with the flow. That whenever I try to direct my life too much. Put too much emphasis on one aspect of my life with all my will that’s when it does not work out. So is that the sort of life I am meant to be living? A life where I stop thinking too hard about what I don’t have and focus on all that I do have. Show gratitude for each breath that I take. Rather than focusing on what I didn't do.

Stop panicking about not living and just live. Stop dreaming about what I want and just do. The frightening part is the do. How do I do the do? Am I having a midlife crisis? Am I allowing ego to control me? Am I holding on too much to what I own, what I claim? Rather than focusing on the silence.

And then this morning I was led to a Deepak Chopra mediation led by Davidji where he helped me to connect with my consciousness. Allowing me to embrace being present. Totally. To listen to my mind. My silence. The silence. Filling with gratitude. Allowing me to tap into my ego, the choices I make. To own my ego. To focus on what I own.

Some schools say kill the ego but he says embrace it. The more I understand what I own, what I claim then I will make better choices because I will understand the why. The dichotomy I have faced is trying to get rid of my ego but ego is what is me. What drives me. Crazy but true so today I will celebrate my ego. Make friends with it to understand why I do the things I do. And see where I am led. 

Learning to listen to the voice of me

Learning to trust myself

To listen to my inner voice

Is one of my hardest lessons

My greatest life journey challenge

Listening to myself

Above all the noise

Above all the chatter

Above all the fear

And trusting that what I hear

From myself 

Is really what I need

Not what anyone else wants from me

Not from any of the worldly demands

Just what I know

Instinctively

 Is right

Is what I have to learn

To trust my inner voice

When I do

I always end up

Where I am meant to be

I always feel present

I always feel content

But when I don’t

That’s when it all goes wrong

When the world feels dark

When the road feels desolate

And I feel all alone

Afraid

Of the next move

Afraid of what

Comes next

So why do I override

That beautiful and true

Inner me

For the benefit of everyone else

Why do I silence

My inner guide

When it has led me

To where I need to be

Time and time again

Why do I fear my inner guide

Is it because

I am so busy

Trying to be someone else

Other than me

Is it because I am so used to being

And doing for others

That I don’t even know what

My inner voice sounds like

Anymore

Is it because the noise and the chatter

That I allow in

Is an excuse to stop

Being me

Is it because it’s easier to be what

Everyone else wants

So that if I fail

I falsely believe

It’s their fault

Not mine

So who do I blame

When I silence

My inner voice

That beautiful light

That always shines

That always radiates

Whenever I am ready

To show me the way

To guide me away

From the darkest tunnels

And takes me to the brightest

And most colourful

And abundant

Meadows

Where the sun is always shining

The birds are always chirping

And there is a pot of gold

Waiting

At the end of the rainbow

Just for me

Whenever I listen to the voice of me

I have to learn

To trust

The voice of me

My inner guide

My inner light

Only then

Will I feel

Satisfaction and worth

Because I will be living

The life of me

And no one else’s

Embracing

I am

As I am

Where I am

Always

Or at least

The majority of the time

Can I face my life challenge

Of listening to

My inner voice

My guide

My angel

My genie

My magic me

I am open and receptive

Trying to focus

Trying to hear

The voice of me

And live my life

As it is destined

To be

Decluttering my closets teaches me an invaluable lesson

The last couple of weeks I have been decluttering my life. Getting rid of things I don’t need. Making space for space. Rather than having to have every corner of my life overloaded.

I started with my closet. And just did a clean sweep. First with all the clothes I was holding onto that I have never worn or can’t wear anymore. Finally admitting to myself that I have outgrown them. That I bought them by mistake. That they had lost their appeal to me. Telling myself to forget about how much I paid for them. To forget about what they meant to me twenty years before when they were in style.

Yesterday I did the same with my shoes. Getting rids of the mistakes. The ugly ones. Or the one that hurt my feet. And when I stepped back from my closet, I actually felt like I could breathe because there was so much space. I feel so proud of the way my closet looks. Because I can actually find things in there again.

I have rediscovered clothes and shoes I forgot I had. And now what remains in my closet are only things I know I will wear. So inspiring because now it is easier for me to get dressed because I know what I have left are only items that are useful. And I treasure. With the added bonus that I can find them more readily. I also know what goes with what. So it is a pleasure getting dressed now rather than a chore.

My husband then said to me, “I hope you’re not getting rid of that stuff just to buy more stuff.” At first I was angry with him for taking me off my high. For not acknowledging what I had done and only focusing on the negative. But after thinking about what he said, I realized the reason why I was angry was because he had hit a nerve.  Often times we get rid of stuff only to bring more stuff in. Never really giving ourselves time to appreciate what we have. Instead we are always looking for more. Craving for more; so much so that we don’t even give ourselves the opportunity to know what we have. Nor do we value what we have because we don’t stop to say enough is enough. More is always better.

Only with hindsight did I realize my husband was actually my angel for the day because he was reminding me to appreciate all the hard work I had done by cleaning out my closet and to savour the feeling of having space to see all that I have. He was telling me not to rush out and fill up every space I had cleared out once again cluttering my life with all I don’t need.

Swallowing my pride and ego, I realized he was right, often times we clutter too much to cover up for feelings of dissatisfaction from somewhere else.  Hoarding and gathering are ways of telling ourselves we are in control and we can get whatever we want whenever we want. So there. But when it gets to the point of not being able to appreciate what we have, it’s time to discard what we don’t need in order to declutter our lives. And when we do, it’s amazing how liberating it can feel.

The act of decluttering goes beyond just our closets. It extends to every aspect of our lives. When we get rid of people who no longer make us feel good, things that no longer resonate with us, we make space for the new. Because we free our minds from the entanglement of too much. Allowing us space to breathe. Save time. And to figure out who we are and what we want. Rather than hiding behind all the clutter. It's amazing how free I feel now. And can breathe too. I am so glad I decluttered. So pleased.

And for this simple lesson of decluttering my closet, allowing me space to breathe, I am truly grateful.

Grief

Grief comes in waves

Washing over us

When we least expect

Asking us to surrender

To the pain

To the loss

To the darkness

Forcing us to our knees

To acknowledge

What we have lost

Sinking us into the pit of despair

Calling us out

When we think

We can grieve no more

When we think

The pain has passed

Grief comes back again

To remind us of what we had

Asking us to surrender

To the depths of despair

Washing over us

Again and again

Sometimes every day

Other times every week

Sometimes every year

Grief asks us to listen

To our hearts

Open our hearts

Grieve for all that was

Then it recedes leaving us breathless

But grateful for the memory

Of the pain of our loss

Taking us back to the way things were

Allowing us space to know

What we lost was real

Even when others forget

We never do

Because grief comes back to remind us

So instead of pushing grief aside

Instead of pretending it does not exist

Embrace grief when it comes

Even when we least expect

Because grief help us

To heal

To feel

To know

What we lost was real

Giving us the ability

To love again

Trust again

Because we know

What we lost

Remains

Always in our hearts

In our souls

In our memories

Reminding us that we are more 

Than the physical

More than what we see

Grief allows us a glimpse

Into the well of infinity

Where existence does not cease

But moves on to a different dimension

Washing over us in the form

Of grief

Asking us not to let go

Of the memory of what was

Because we are always connected

Sometimes through a phrase

Sometimes through an action

Sometimes through a piece of music

Sometimes through the sound of the wind

The sound of the rain

Sometimes through the face of another

Grief always come back

Not to close our hearts

Not to keep us in the dark

But to set us free

To spread our wings

To know that what we lost

Forevermore remains

Learning to admit I am not Superwoman

This morning I was trying to be Superwoman. Not admit that I had been out partying and needed the extra sleep and help from my husband. When the alarm went off at 5 am,  I was wide awake and waiting for it after going to bed at 2 am but for some reason I convinced myself that I needed to stay in bed. Telling myself I needed more sleep but I couldn't go back to sleep because of all the heavy food I ate late at night last night. But still I languished there watching time go by and then I drifted back off to sleep. To wake up with a start at 6.45! Too late to meditate. Too late to write my blog. But still I thought I was Superwoman and could do it all.
So I jumped out of bed. Got my children's breakfast ready. Packed their school bags. Got my daughter's Brownie clothes together. Woke them up then jumped in the shower to get dressed. Feeling pretty proud of myself for feeling so alert. Then the dilemma of what to wear to work today struck. Denim day, always more difficult for me than a regular work day. So clothes were flying in my closet and before I knew it, it was 7.45! Oh no!
I sat at the computer and desperately tried to write my blog. Desperately tried to think of something profound to write in ten minutes but nothing would come because I was trying too hard. Not really letting go. Frustrating myself because I could not get in the flow. Knowing it was because I was trying to force it and what I have learnt the most from writing is I can't force what isn't there.
Writing like life is all about being in the flow. Letting the feeling dictate the words. The passion dictate the direction and surrender dictate the theme. So I gave up and decided to post on Facebook that my blog would be late so those who choose to wake up with my blog would not be panicking about my blog - ego telling me there are those who do and that's why I felt pressured to deliver.
I decided to get my children to school. Take some quiet time before starting to work to write my blog and see where it took me. And as I calmed my mind and listened to the inner me, the words that came were, I am not a Superwoman and because I am not, I must be willing to ask for help. To let go and admit I can't do it all.
Had I done that this morning, my husband could have taken the children to school. I could have meditated and written my blog without panic. And the morning could have been a lot smoother. A lesson well learned and one I will remember.
When I read my Meditation for Living Life in Balance this morning, ironically, the topic was "Take a look at something you have been trying to control and let yourself see what a ridiculous solution trying to control it is. Then, if you can, try letting go and see what happens."
I get it loud and clear Universe. Loud and clear. If I would have let go of my desire to be a Superwoman by trying to prove I could handle everything this morning when I needed help, I could have been in a much calmer position. But because I was trying to control it all, I ended up with nothing I wanted for myself. Learning to ask for help does not mean I am not in control. Learning to ask for help means I am in control because I know what I can and can not do. What I am capable of and what I am not. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste

When I listen to the silence of my heart

What happens when I listen to the silence of my heart?

A peace unlike any other comes over me

A serenity that exists within me all the time comes to the surface

A love stronger than any other rushes through my being

Filling me up and spilling out into the Universe

Because when I listen to the silence of my heart

I know without a doubt

I am a being of love

A being of light

A being of prosperity and peace

Because when I listen to the silence of my heart

I close out the ego

Shut out the negativity

All the conflict and strife

And open myself to the flow of the abundance that is readily available to me

To all of us

I surrender to all that is

And don’t question what isn’t

I accept I am a part of the whole

And there is really nothing to worry about

Because when I am living a life of virtue

A life of faith

A life of love

Then all that is will be

Even when I don’t get what I thought was mine

Even when I am on a path that is unknown

When I listen to the silence of my heart

I know the path I am on

Even if frightening

Even if undefined

Is exactly where I need to be

To learn the lessons I came here to learn

When I listen to the silence of my heart

There is nothing that frightens me

Nothing that causes me angst

Because I understand I am all that I am

Because of each bridge I have crossed

Because of each person that has come into my life

Because of each loss I have experienced

Because of every victory I have achieved

When I listen to the silence of my heart

I am at peace

I am love

I am light

I am possibility

I am infinity

Because listening to the silence of my heart

Allows me to surrender to all that is

Embracing all that will be

By grounding me in the present

Giving me wings to know

I am because I am

Listening to and surrendering to the silence of my heart

Fills me with gratitude and love

Surrender and hope

Faith and abundance

Because I am in the flow of the abundance of the universe

When I listen to the silence of my heart

Namaste

New Year doldrums

So many of us are finding the beginning of this year challenging. So many of us are finding that we are here but not here. Working but not yet focused. Searching. Seeking. And it seems to be a universal feeling –  people I have spoken to from different parts of the world seem to be feeling overwhelmed. So what is going on? Why is there such a heaviness in the air? Why are so many people struggling to get going this year?

My spirit mother says it’s because we are in transition. We’re in the process of ending lots of things that we no longer need and want so we can begin anew. And for many of us that’s very difficult because we like to moan about what we don’t want rather than  projecting our energy to what we want.

To give more if we want to receive. To share more if we ant to open up to be given more. To recognize that each one of us has a responsibility to be the best we can be and to project the best aspect of ourselves out into the Universe so we can shift the negative cycle that is happening right now.

Last night I listened to Marianne Williamson being interviewed by Edward Mills from The Shift Network. And what struck me about their conversation was when Marianne said we need to collaborate and love more rather than compete and fight. We need to shed the scarcity mentality that makes us believe in order for us to gain, we have to take from someone else or hide our success from others. Instead we need to accept that the Universe is not only self organizing but it is self correcting as well. Allowing more for all us if we share.

She reminded me that when we meet our negative circumstance such as bankruptcy, having no job, tragedy, loss, etc, with negative thinking, we will face a downward spiral. But if we change our outlook to positive by accepting we are a being of spirit, our circumstances will automatically correct themselves. While in the midst of limited circumstance, if we think unlimited thoughts, we will transform our circumstance.

If we really want to move from a perspective of fear, we need to pray for a miracle. We need to look to a power beyond our thought systems to do what we want to do. We need to not be afraid to ask for help. We need to say every day before we get out of bed and every night when we go to bed, “ Dear God (or whomever or whatever you relate to) use me in anyway necessary and then surrender.

Let’s try this to see if we can shift our energy because we really need it now. We really need to understand the world is about all of us; not just about each one of us as individuals. Meditate and pray every day for the betterment of us all, for the knowledge that there is enough abundance for us all, to  learn to be grateful for all that we have, to shift out of the doldrums and move into the unlimited possibility readily available to us all. I’m going to try accepting I must be the change I want to see.

#Mariannewiliamson

@mariannewiliamson

#Theshiftmovement @theshiftmovement

The power of love

Yesterday was a particularly heavy day for me. Every limb in my body seemed to be tired. Every thought scattered. Concentration out the window. There was something in the air that I could not quite pinpoint. Disbelief in the tragedies that have occurred in rapid succession of each other. All in the beginning of a new year. A beginning started with so much possibility than quickly changed into one piece of tragic news after the other.

People are sick and some are dying. Norovirus in Canada and England. Worst flu epidemic in the US. And still we are not slowing down. Still we are chasing after what may not even be ours. Still we are seeking more than what we may need. When do we ever learn to just be? To wait. To be patient. To take time to love. To appreciate. To enjoy all that we have in this present moment rather than projecting into the tomorrow that never comes anyway.

Why do we think we can cheat the hands of time? When what we should be doing is enjoying every second, minute, hour of time that we get. There are so many of us that overlook the power of love. That which wakes us up in the morning and soothes us to sleep at night.

Last night I was reading through the tributes for my dear friend, Perry, and his lovely departed wife, Penny, and all I could think about was love. So I wrote these thought down about what love felt like to me last night. In tribute to my friends, Perry and Penny, and to those to whom these thoughts may resonate:

Love never dies. It remains in our hearts. Forevermore.

Even when we never see our loved ones again.

They are always with us. A part of us.

Because they are us. As we are them.

Grief sometimes challenges our belief in love. Our capacity for love.

Threatening to shut us off in the darkness.

Close our hearts to love. So we will not feel the pain of love when it is yanked away from us.

So violently.  So unexpectedly. Without warning.

But imagine if we never knew that love. Never felt that love. Never tasted that love.

How pointless our lives would be

So it’s better to have loved

Than never to have loved at all

Even when it hurts so bad. Even we feel so sad that love has disappeared without a trace

Love is what hold us together…Forever

Even when we can’t see our loved ones

They are forevermore etched in our hearts.

Full of love. Unconditional love. Hope. Faith. And trust that we will meet again…Soon.

Love endures forever. Love.

And once I wrote this, my whole being shifted from one of heaviness to one of love and light. Possibility and gratitude for having invited love into my heart. Into my life. Into my soul.  There is nothing greater than the power of love. Nothing more enduring than the power of love. Nothing more satisfying and healing than the power of love. Namaste.

Endings and beginnings

Endings and Beginnings. Beginnings and Endings.

This has been a weekend of endings for many of my friends.  Parents having to bury their sons. Friends having to say goodbye way too soon. Husbands having to say goodbye to their wives unexpectedly due to sudden illnesses. My husband coming to terms with the fact that his father may be nearing his end.

Sadness abound for the weekend yet the weather was crystal clear and beautiful showing the dichotomy of life. Saturday was particularly heavy for me because I knew friends were experiencing what no parent wants to experience having to bury their child while the rest of us were going about our every day chores and errands. Illustrating how life ends but it must go on at the same time for those that remain. A beginning of some sorts without those who have departed. Difficult to grasp but true.

While I had another friend who was sitting by his wife’s side praying for her to recover only to discover she was deteriorating rather than getting better. This after a sudden collapse. No warning. Not time to say all the things they wanted to say to each other. Grief and shock beyond words. For him. For her. For them. For us.

Remembering how angry I felt when my mother died and people were going about their normal day while I was having to close the coffin on my mother knowing I would never see her again. The grief so deep I thought I would not breathe again. That I would never live again. Her death too soon. Too sudden to make any sense of. Too fast that I never got to say goodbye.

And for each of my friends this weekend the same was true. A son killed in an accident. Never giving them the chance to say goodbye. A friend whose wife went to work in the morning fine and then collapsed at the end of the day. Again never having the chance to say goodbye to the way their life was.

It is so difficult during times of grief to look up and see the light. So difficult during times of grief to hold onto faith. It is so difficult during times of grief to feel that it is possible to laugh again, enjoy life again without feeling guilty. But it is these times of grief that help us to become stronger people, more compassionate people, more loving people and also people that know firsthand that life can change in an instant and we must be sure to tell our loved ones we love them. To live our lives as fully as we can because tomorrow really is promised to no one. That life is a gift and is very short and it is up to us to treat it as the present it really is.

To every ending there is a beginning. When I drove past the hospital today I thought there is a family grieving in there for a lost life and at the same time there is a family rejoicing for the beginning of a new life. Sadness mixed with joy.  Signifying that there are always endings and beginnings even when we think the doors of life have been shut in our face. As long as we are breathing there is a beginning every single day when we awake and an ending every single day when we close our eyes and go to sleep. The same faith we have that we will wake up in the morning is the faith we must have that we are here for a reason. And we have to live it. One step at a time. One day at a time.

What a difference a day can make

What a difference a day can make. Health teaches us this more than anything else. We take our healthy daily bodies for granted. It’s only when we are sick or debilitated that we realize just how fortunate we are when everything works. I woke up this morning feeling almost like my old self. My stomach is still in knots but nowhere near as angry as it was before. I feel a little stronger than I have in the last few days because I managed to eat some food last night and most of it stayed in.

I feel rejuvenated and fresher than I have for a few days. My illness showing me what a difference a day can make. That each day I have grown stronger. Each day I have felt a little better. Illustrating that sometimes in life we have to take small steps to get to where we need to be. That life is not a race. It is a wonderful journey particularly when we slow down allowing us to see all the treasures that surround us each and every day.

That when we are patient and have faith, everything works out as it should. I woke up a little later than usual today allowing my body to rest and when I did, I woke up to sunlight streaming through my windows. A silence without the sound of wind rushing past my windows. A sense of peace and serenity mingled with the sound of birds chirping and realized today is the dawn of a new day. A day where how horrible I felt yesterday, the day before, and the day before that has now ceased and is replaced with liveliness coming back into my form. Just as the sunny day has replaced the grayness and gloom and wind of the days before.

Reminding me that we must not take our health and functioning bodies for granted. Instead we need to take care of our whole selves. Listening to our bodies, minds and spirits telling us what they need to be healthy. And when they do and we take heed life ends up being  beautiful because we appreciate every part of ourselves.

This morning I stood outside my bedroom door and inhaled the freshness of the new day inviting it into my mind, body and soul. Exhaling out all the darkness that had been in my body. Appreciative of my recovery albeit slower than I would have liked but definitely on the road to being me again. Allowing me to thank the Universe for my bout with food poisoning because it reminded me to not take anything for granted and to appreciate all that I have.

The peace of this morning light replicating the growing peace in my mind, body and soul and for this morning and my recovering body I am truly grateful. 

On the road to recovery

I woke up this morning feeling better than I did yesterday and even better than I did the day before. But still I’m not 100%. My body feels defeated and my mind feels tired after a bout of food positioning. So the debate in my mind is do I go back to work this morning or do I give myself today and the weekend to fully recover.

It’s amazing how guilt can come into play and make us feel we need to get back to work as soon as possible even when we are not 100% then we end up worse off than we were before. Food poisoning is  funny thing because just when you think it’s out of your system then you put something  in your mouth, it all starts again. So what happens is you don’t want to eat which compounds the tiredness because you are not fuelling your body.

So maybe what I will do today is stay at home experiment to see what I can and cannot eat without feeling off again and get myself ready for the full work week next week.

We all need to learn to treat our bodies like the temples they are. Listening to our bodies when they tell us to take care of ourselves. To heed the warnings that all is not completely well. And to learn the only people we need to prove anything to are ourselves because if our bodies, minds and souls aren’t together, we won’t be either.

So signing off again with a short post because I need to take care of me today to get me back to the 100% I am meant to be. 

I am being led

Interesting way to start the New Year with food poisoning but I guess it’s the Universe way of telling me I need to rest. To take some time to rejuvenate. Get rid of all that Christmas mess I ate. So my blog will be short and sweet today as I need time to rest today.

The other night when I was contemplating life, the following thoughts popped in to my head so I am putting it out there today:

I am being led right now

Led by a force greater than mine

By a hand that wants me to see

That this life, this journey

Is not about me

It’s about all of us

Journeying together

To achieve the best

The greatest

We can all be

So that collectively

We can create, inherit

And give back

A much better place than

What we found

That when we reach out

And help our fellow brothers and sisters

To be the best they can be

Not by hiding,

Not by lying,

Not by stealing

But by sharing

Believing and having faith

There is enough for all of us

More than enough

Abundance

I am being led because

I am accepting of the Whole

Understanding I am

A part of the Whole

A part of the Infinite being

Divided we fall

United we stand

Accepting

I am being led

A task I gratefully

And gracefully

Follow and accept

Because I know it is for my better good

Which in turn will be

For the better good

Of us all

Amen

Starting the New Year work week with Gratitude

First day for going back to work in the New Year. I could grumble and feel depressed. But I won’t because I am starting the New Year on a positive note. Harnessing all that is good. All that I have to be grateful for.  Reminding myself of how fortunate I really am by making the decision to reflect on 2012 not on what I was disappointed about but rather focusing on all I had to be grateful for and still have to be grateful for today.

1.       The World did not end on December 21

2.       I woke up this morning

3.       My children and husband

4.       Our health

5.       Love

6.       My marriage making it to 20 years

7.       Finding my passion by writing every day and producing this blog 6 days a week

8.       Accepting I am an imperfect, flawed woman living an imperfect flawed life

9.       Accepting I am where I am meant to be

10.   Learning to let go and go with the flow

11.   Learning the concept of balance is meant to change just as we change

12.   My brothers and sisters here and afar

13.   My dad

14.   My inlaws

15.   My extended family

16.   My home

17.   Spending  wonderful family time with my husband and two children whether here at home or when we are on vacation together

18.   Friends that remain

19.   Friends that have gone

20.   Doing the best I can with the resources I have

21.   Not pushing myself to be something I am not

22.   Forgiving people who have transgressed me

23.   Forgiving myself for transgressing others

24.   My compassion growing each and every day

25.   Practicing gratitude every single day

26.   Making meditation a part of my daily life even if for 5 minutes

27.   Deepak Chopra for helping me to see meditation does not have to be for 45 minutes

28.   Everyone who reads my blog

29.   Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday on Facebook on Sunday mornings

30.   Every person that crosses my path because you are here to teach me more about me

31.   Life itself

32.   The trials I experience

33.   The triumphs I experience

34.   Spreading love and light as best I can by embracing it for myself first

35.   For being me

36.   My choices

37.   Having a job

38.   Gratitude itself

I am setting the stage for a wonderful 2013 whatever may come my way. Let’s reflect on the New Year with all that was positive in our lives for 2012 and carry that feeling of goodwill, promise, hope and faith with us into the New Year. Here’s to my golden year. And to yours. Namaste.