Ego get out of my way

Okay so I’m running out of steam for my writing contest and it’s only day 3.
Ego is eating away at me. I know I need to stay off Twitter because that’s where the chatter is for the writing competition. People have written as much as 10,000 words and I thought I was doing well at 6000 so of course I start thinking I’m not good enough and that I can’t make it. My character is taking too long to develop. I can’t figure out where to take her from where she is now. She’s in a rot and so am I.
Thanks to all of you yesterday who expressed your support. One of the reasons why I decided to put the fact that I have entered this competition out there in the public domain is because I wanted to challenge myself more to complete it. Knowing that all of you who follow me are waiting to see how I do is giving me more incentive to reach my goal but today because of insecurity creeping in, I am feeling a little bit of pressure now to see this through.
Last night my neck was hurting from sitting at the computer for so long. My hands were sore – carpal tunnel syndrome and I was feeling a little defeated when I walked into my son’s room for reading time. He asked, “What’s wrong mommy?””
I said, “Just feeling a bit challenged from this writing competition.”
He sweetly said, “Mommy if you want to go back to writing instead of reading with me, that’s fine. I want you to finish.”
My eyes welled up. I was so touched by his sentimentality. “No,” I answered. “This is our time and I don’t want to lose that. I’m done for today anyway, I think.”
Then my daughter walked in and said, “What’s the prize mommy?”
I said, “I don’t even know if there is a prize because I am doing it as a challenge to myself to prove to I can write a novel if I want.”
After reading to both my children, I was exhausted and decided I would call it a night from writing. I showered then came to turn off the computer so I thought. But ego came creeping back in and I couldn’t resist going back on to Twitter to see what the tweets were for the competition. The word count from people was all over the place – some were well over 10,000 words, others at 0 but which ones did I focus on? Of course I focused on the ones whose word counts were higher than mine rather than being grateful for being able to write 6000 words in two days.
I immediately opened my story and tried to write some more. Because I was trying too hard, my writing was forced and my character stalled. I was frustrated so I turned the computer off in exasperation and went to bed. This morning I decided to write this blog so I could vent my frustrations, push ego aside, deal with my insecurity head on by acknowledging it and give myself a pep talk to continue.
I’ve decided to go to Yoga this morning to find that quiet place in my head to refocus and reconnect with my main character so I can hear her voice again and then I’m going to lunch with one of my friends. Hopefully by then I will be back in the rhythm again of writing, without question, without expectation and most of all without ego.
I’m counting on you for your positive vibes everyone. Chat to you tomorrow and hopefully I’ll be in a better space and on a roll again...