Moving through the temptation of the darkness

This morning was one of those mornings when the darkness tempted me to hide. To stay with it. To revel in it. To not forge ahead but to stay where I was. Deep, and warm in the place of comfort – my bed. Telling me it was no use getting up. No one needed me. No one wanted me. To just stop and stay where I was and I was really tempted to do so. Really tempted to bury my head back under the covers and write the day off. As a matter of fact, for half an hour I did. I succumbed to the call of the darkness and wrapped myself back up in the covers. Trying to keep myself warm, comfortable, in the place where I felt the most comfort, my bed.

I fell asleep for a few restless moments. Then woke with a start. Eyes wide open staring at the minutes flashing by on my clock. Knowing I should be up. Meditating. Writing. Getting myself prepared for the new day but I could not summon the strength nor the will at first. All I wanted was the darkness, the comfort of my bed. Where I could be me and not have to worry about the demands of the outside world.

I lay in bed listening to the cacophony of raindrops beating down on my rooftop, pounding the ground outside. Drowning out the sound of my thoughts. I listened to the rumble of thunder. And shivered as I snuggled up to my husband. And then I knew I could not stay in the darkness anymore. No matter how tempting it was to hide. I had to get up and be grateful for the day. For the new day ahead. For the chance to experience. To grow, to be. And lying in bed trying to hide from the reality of my existence would only delay what was inevitable. So I got up. Casting aside the covers, the darkness and my apprehensions and changed my mindset from one of apathy to one of gratitude. Pulling on my robe to keep me warm, I got up and smiled shifting my whole persona from one of darkens to light with that one small action.

Reminding myself that I am in charge of my feelings, of my destiny. The darkness can only keep me down if I allow it. The light is mine for the taking especially on those days when all I want is to hide. Especially on those days when I am tempted to be shrouded in the darkness so no one can demand anything from me or see me. It is those days when a smile from the inside out can shift my thinking and allow me to embrace the possibility that is always waiting just for me.

It’s silent now. The rain has stopped. The house is still quiet but now I am ready. Ready to go back out into the world to face what needs to be faced with a smile from the inside out because I am here again. Living, breathing and ready with gratitude, fortitude and reverence. Allowing me to be embraced by the light and the all knowing. Namaste.