A confusing start to the day

Where do I begin today?

When my mind is all over the place.

Trying to be everything to everyone

Trying to please everyone but myself

Trying to understand why one day I am up and the next day down

Why I seem to understand the meaning of life then something comes along and challenges my beliefs and understanding

How one minute I feel so confident about the direction I am going in then very insecrure the next.

Why sometimes fear is my best friend then the next it is my enemy

Some days I just want to stay in bed, not answer the phone, and not talk to anyone because I discover the people I thought were my friends are not

Then on other days I want to be out among people, hearing their accolades and seeing their smiles

Why it is that some days I am a really good mother, wife and friend and others days I am not

Why am I feeling like I can’t begin today

Why am I feeling that today is one of those days when my mind is bombarded by so many thoughts that I don’t know what is a distraction and what is truth

I just don’t know where I am today.

Not even meditation pulled me back from the bombardment of thought

Not even closing my eyes and going inside was I able to silence my mind, quieten my thoughts as I have so many people that are relying on me right now that I don’t even know how to rely on myself because I am so busy trying to be what they expect me to be that I have lost touch with what and who I want to be.

Today is one of those days when fear is my enemy not my friend.

So I am asking the Universe for guidance to help me to focus.

To be in the moment. To not project. To accept fear for what it is and to be still.

Today I am sending out a prayer to help me to be me before I become someone else and do something that does not resonate with me just so I can please others.

Today I am asking for the blessings of the Universe to remind me that life is always going to be up and down because that is how I am growing and learning.

That it will never be smooth sailing all the time and neither will it be easy all the time because if it was than I would stagnant and dissatisfied

To know when my mind is all over the place it is because I am being groomed to move on

To understand that every step I take, every action I make, every word I speak is where I am meant to be

So I am surrendering myself to the confusion I am feeling today, to the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach to the Universe and the Divine to see where it takes me with faith, love and trust

To allow myself to move through another day on this Earth with gratitude that I have another day to explore my confusion and jumbled thoughts.

So to answer my own question today, where do I begin?

Simply, I begin with gratitude and allow everything else to fall into place – confusing jumbled thoughts and all. Namaste