Yesterday I flew to LA and enroute from NYC to LA, a lady boarded the airplane with her two babies. The oldest, a boy, looked like he was about 2 and the youngest, a girl, looked like she was about a year old. From the moment she boarded the airplane with her wild eyes and nervous energy, I knew it was going to be a long flight for her, the children and the people sitting the closest to her. She exuded angst and vulnerability at the same time. So there was something alluring about her. Something that made me want to help her. To calm her down.
As I was boarding the airplane, I was behind a woman who was sitting in the aisle seat of the lady with the children and she was asked by the ground agent if she minded switching her aisle seat for a window seat because there was a family that was going to be separated and she was trying to put them together. The woman answered matter of factly that she was not willing to give up her seat. The ground agent replied that she was only trying to give her the option of not being sat next to young children. To which the lady rather rudely replied that she would rather not be stuck by the window. She said she needed to walk around so she would take sitting next to young children over being confined by a window.
For some reason I was meant to hear that conversation as I watched the lady who refused to give up her aisle seat for a family walked purposefully down to board the airplane. I was struck by her selfish response but at the same time it was her right to want to sit where she wanted. All the while thinking she must not be a mother because if given that choice, I would have given up my seat but I am not her so I told myself I had no right to judge her decision.
As the plane boarded in came the nervous mother and her children. She was with an older lady who may have been her mother but I'm not sure. She carried the baby girl in a pouch on her front and held the hand of her son as they got to their seats. She started bargaining with the people separating her family to see if anyone would be willing to help her to get her family together. Not one of them would. I could not believe it. But as I said I have no right to judge because people do what they feel is right for them. I was too far away to help and only had one seat so giving up mine would not help her situation.
When the mother realised her wish was not going to be accommodated, she had somewhat of a melt down and told her mother and her young son that they just had to sit where they were assigned because no one was going to help her. Her voice teary. Her demeanor crumpled and panicked. Immediately her son picked up her anxious vibe and lost it. Crying that he wanted to sit with his mommy who was in the row behind him. She ignored him I guess because she was trying to contain herself. Trying to keep it together but from the back I could see she wanted to scream.
A lady behind her than asked her what she could do to help her but the mother had gone beyond the point of reasoning and came back with her hurt telling the woman there was nothing she could do to help her. That no one wanted to help her so her family had to sit where they were originally assigned. Her voice angry, hurt and dismissive. The flight attendants then tried to intervene but the mother was not having it. She just wanted the situation to be over because no one tried to help her from the beginning. She had resigned herself to a fate she need not have because she was not seeing that she was adding fuel to the fire. She had taken pity on herself so much, she could not hear that people were trying to help her. Her son became louder and more panicked because he could feel his mother's energy. Throwing tantrum after tantrum because he wanted his mother.
Interestingly enough the lady sitting in the aisle still refused to help. Still refused to give up her seat despite the ruckus that was happening right next to her. My heart went out to the mother and her children. Incidentally her daughter was all smiley and not in anyway affected by the pandemonium. Different personalities being exhibited by the two children. Needless to say the flight except for the last hour was an absolute disaster for the mother, her son, her mother and the people sat next to them and in the rows immediately in front of them and behind them. Because the mother had created the panic, her son would not calm down for the flight except for the last hour when she took him in her arms after he screamed for 10 minutes that he wanted her. She had zoned him out because the women nearest to her were telling her how bad of a mother she was because she was allowing her son to have tantrums, hit her and scream at her. Accusing her of having no control over her children. Their voices bordering on the brink of hysteria. One woman even proudly declared to the defeated mother that she had three children and her children had never acted like that before because she knew how to control her children.
The defeated mother's shoulders slumped, her whole stature had become smaller as she went into almost like a fetal position and just sat there while her son screamed and shouted that he wanted her. I guess trying her hardest to block out the noise of her son and the people around her shaking their heads at her and talking about her as if she was not there. Some of them blocking their ears while the mother had zoned out.
I kept sending her energy telling her to hug her son. To ignore the people who were not helping her. To just pick up her son. Eventually she did. She snapped herself out of her funk, reached over the seat and pulled her son to her then sat down. Her hair disheveled. Her hands shaking. The son's face completely red from screaming held on to his mother like he was clinging for dear life. The two of them comforting each other in ways only a mother and child could understand. He tucked his head into the crook of his mother's neck and then he fell asleep in her arms. And then there was silence. The energy completely shifting in that instant.
The whole situation bothered me for various reasons. Firstly because it demonstrated to me that we create our own circumstances with the energy we bring into the room. The mother bless her heart was at wits end because she could not get her family to sit together and because of that her son had picked up on it and had acted out because he felt his mother's energy. The people that scolded her and chided her added to that anxious energy rather than helping her. Rather than remaining calm, they helped to escalate the situation.The son screaming louder when he saw them yelling at his mother. He in his small mind was trying to protect his mommy from the bad people by screaming louder. All this to say we need to be aware of what we are bringing into the room in order to have the outcome we are looking for and need. We also need to be more mindful of other people's situations and rather than judging and adding to the problem, sometimes we just need to back off.
I was so surprised by the vehement way the other women were reacting to the mother who had lost it. We were all children, babies once and I'm sure as babies we were not perfect either. Wouldn't it have been easier to help rather than judge?
In that scenario everyone in the vicinity played a role in escalating a situation that could have been solved from the beginning but no one was willing to take responsibility for the energy they brought into the room. When the flight landed and the little boy was still fast asleep I could see the faces of the women who helped to fuel the fire looking at his sweet innocent face wondering how such a small tot could have caused such a ruckus. When if they took the time to dig deep they would have realized all of them had contributed to the situation that ensued over 4 hours.
Leading me to believe, next time we are in a position to help, let's do it rather than stand back and judge because we may find ourselves in a similar situation so we will learn how the distraught mother felt and her son. Life has a funny way of giving us back what we give out in ways least expected. and when we don't get the message it turns into chaos as it did yesterday on the flight from NYC to LA. My only hope is the day got better for the mother and her children.
No comments:
Post a Comment