This summer I am learning so much about how to parent
growing children. Children on the verge of understanding more about themselves.
Children on the verge of becoming independent thinkers. My husband and I have
always taken the approach that when our children express an interest in
something, we provide them with the means to explore that interest early. To
see if it is something that is truly for them so they can determine if it is
something they really want to pursue.Rather than dream, we are encouraging them to do. To try rather than imagine.
If they say they want to sky dive, we try to facilitate
that. If they say they are interested in performing arts, we immerse them in it
to see if that’s what they want as my daughter has expressed and so there she
is for the next three weeks. As my son expressed an interest in programming so
he spent two weeks exploring his passion. And after his two weeks, he came away
thinking programming is definitely something he wants to pursue but not sure
what avenue he will take to make something out of it – engineering, gaming,
etc. so now he has something to think about more because he has been exposed to
his passion.
What I am learning from the two of them is that they have
each other’s backs. They talk about everything to each other. As a parent I love that we chose to have two children. I also love that we are raising them in such a way
that they don’t feel they have to compete with each other to get our attention
because we give them our attention as much as they ask for it. We also respect
their boundaries without crossing the line as much as we can. We back off when
they ask us too within reason. And what I am learning is as they get older
those reasons and boundaries are becoming more and more blurred and stretched.
So I am learning to trust my gut, to put myself in their
shoes, to think back to how I felt when I was their age, to allow myself to be
able to know when I need to walk away, step back. It happened to me twice this
summer. Once when I dropped off my 15 year old son at his camp and he wanted me to leave
right away so he could meet his roommate on his own. And the second time when I
dropped my 11 year old off at her camp and she had established relationships
with one of her roommates and her floor counsellor within minutes making her comfortable
enough to want to establish herself without me doing it for her. So she asked me
to leave. Much sooner than I ever thought she would and though I wanted to
stay. Wanted to stay for as long as I could to make sure she was okay, my
instincts told me it was time to go. To let her find her way as I did with my
son.
I wanted so desperately in both instances to go back and
sneak behind the scenes to see what their day was going to be like. To make sure they understood where they had to be and what they had to do. But what I am learning
is all I am is the facilitator in my children’s lives. To open the door for
them to go through to experience their lives full on without intervention
from me. And once the door has been opened, I have to be brave enough, trusting
enough and have faith enough to know they’re where they are meant to be.
Gaining the experiences they are meant to gain – whether good or bad,
traumatizing or inspiring. It is their path to walk; not mine.
So I am learning to let go and to let be – a lesson for my
own life – through the lessons from how best to let my children be who they
asked to come here to be and not who I want them to be or who society thinks
they should be. They and they alone are the architects, engineers and designers
of their own lives. Not me or anyone else. A humbling and powerful lesson. Namaste
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