Journey of Love and Light: There is no shame in loving ourselves fully and totally

For my 51st birthday this year, I dedicated the day to me. April 23, 2014. I gave the day to me. The gift of myself to me. I decided I was going to do something that in years gone by, I would have considered vain, over the top, who do I think I am sort of thing. But watching my daughter come into her own, watching her look herself in the mirror and be proud of who she is and who is staring back at her in the mirror, watching her own herself already at 11 years old has taught me so much about embracing me. Taught me so much about accepting myself - warts and all - as I am. Realising only then can the world accept me for who I am.

So for my 51st birthday I gave myself a day of total indulgence. I started the day off by going on a bike ride. Claiming myself and not being worried about who saw me. And not caring about what they had to say. Instead deciding this was going to be the year of me. Of putting myself back on the map. Of taking care of me. I then came back from my ride feeling rejuvenated. Took my children to school. Kissed them goodbye then shut out the world and zoned in on me.

I had a two hour massage. Went to have my hair done. My face done, glammed up before going to have some glam photos taken. For those who know me, they know I am terrified of a camera. Terrified of the image that comes back to me. Shrugging her off as not me. Unable to look at the woman that stares back at me.

But this year, I decided it was time. Time to come out of hiding behind closed doors. Hiding behind images and show myself for who I am as a glammed up woman. As the diva that resides within me. The one that has been fighting to come to the surface and be as large as she wanted to be. And there is this wonderful woman and photographer, Amanda Temple, who helped me to tap into my Inner Goddess. Who helped to free her from all the layers I had carefully piled on top of her so she could not be seen. Amanda helped to bring the larger than life me to life and out on the surface.

We snapped photo after photo bonding in that special feminine power that comes when we allow ourselves to surrender to each other. Bringing out the best in the two of us in those intimate moments. Sharing stories without words but in expressions until we were done.

She called me back in May to reveal my photos. I took my daughter and husband with me. Our 15 year old son off doing his thing. And when we walked in, I donned all my armour to protect me from rejecting the woman that stared back at me from the walls. The woman that was me. But the armour soon fell to the floor as I saw for the first time the woman that is beautiful, poised and learned looking back at me. The woman that is me.

My husband bought the photos on the spot for my Mother’s Day gift. My daughter loving them too. My son when we brought them home, zoned in on his mother too. Choosing the softest photo of me as his favourite. My daughter the most glamorous. My husband somewhere in between.

And then a few days ago, Amanda sent me the photos for me to look at digitally on my own. And the feeling that came over me about me was beyond words. Is beyond words. But I knew instantly that my Inner Goddess is out, not to be contained and I am unveiling her and me today with my new image on Facebook as me. Not as an image of anything else but as me.

Because I am teaching my daughter through embracing me not to shrink from her light. Not to be afraid to love herself because if she loves herself the world will love her too. It has taken me 51 years to come into my own. To come out and embrace all aspects of me – the writer, the mother, the wife, the spiritualist, the business woman, the sister, the aunt, the friend, the balanced woman, the unbalanced woman, the woman doing the best I can and the list goes on. Embracing all parts of me without shame. Loving every aspect of myself without regret because I am out for the whole world to see…and it feels so good. At the same time I am giving my daughter the head start I wish someone had given me. There is no shame in loving ourselves fully and totally.