The story of Zen and Chi

I have these two fish – one I called Zen and the other I called Chi. I bought them on impulse when we bought fish for a friend of my son’s birthday. When I first got them, they didn’t seem to interact with each other very much. But after being in the tank with each other for a few weeks they developed a bond.

They became like two friends swimming in the tank together for the past few months. Chi is bright yellow and that’s why I called her Chi because she reminds me of the most radiant light and what I believe energy looks like. Zen is a beautiful purple and just makes me think of peace and serenity and hence his name.

Zen was the smaller of the two but quickly caught up to Chi by eating everything in his way. He is also the trickster in the tank. Often taunting Chi to make her move around.

Chi is on her way out. She has been swimming to the side for the past couple of weeks and last night she became virtually horizontal. She is holding on for dear life. Whenever I sit down at the computer, she comes to the front of the glass so I can see her. And then she flips back on her side. Trying her hardest to show me she is holding on. I have given her my blessing to move on to the next life if it is her time. To not hang on if it is too much for her.

But Zen is not ready to let her go. Whenever he sees her becoming still, he goes to her and makes her move. Chases her around the tank. I woke up this morning fully expecting to find Chi dead at the bottom of the tank. Instead I found her still fighting with Zen by her side. Him coaxing her to move. Chasing her. Giving her that spark so she can forget she is not at her best. And for a moment she is full of energy. Charging around the tank like a baby fish.  But that energy drops and so does she. Falling back to the bottom of the tank. Breathing as hard and as rapidly as she can to still herself. My heart breaking for her.

All this to say even fish develop relationships and trust. Even fish have bonds that are hard to break. To see Zen and Chi fighting to keep their relationship together when it is evident that Chi is running out of energy is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Love comes in many different forms and when we love unconditionally we can do anything. As Zen is giving Chi energy so she does not suffer as much.

But Zen also needs to let go. To accept that sometimes it is time to go. Sometimes it is time for those that suffer to move on to the next phase. And the same lesson applies to us. We experience beginnings and endings every single day and we make life that much harder for ourselves when we don’t want to let go of what is no longer working for us. We also make life harder for those around us who have to endure our wrath because we are going beyond our expiration date.

I will be sad when Chi goes because I know Zen will be very lonely without his companion but there is a beginning and ending to everything. There is no cheating death. There is no cheating when something is meant to end.

Life is all about living. It is very short and it is senseless to not live it for the time we have it. To my beautiful Chi whose light is slowly but surely going out, I am grateful to have had you and watched you swim bringing me peace. Now it is time for your peace when you are ready to go back to the light. As it is time for Zen to let you go so you can be at peace.