A user friendly IPhone keypad for 50+ers

Well my tablet got the dreaded blue screen just before we left to fly to Boston. So I have to resort to writing my blog on my IPhone rather than a keyboard. Doing so requires me to have the patience of Job because my thoughts come faster than my fingers can get the correct letters on my this little wretched onscreen keyboard.

Are there any employees at Apple over 50? I honestly don't think there are because if there were they would know to make the letters much larger on the keyboard. Actually they would know the whole damn keyboard had to be larger so it would not take me all day to type what normally takes me a few seconds on a more reasonably sized keyboard. 

Do I sound frustrated? I sure hope so because I am. Inner peace is definitely eluding me at the moment for all those who think I am at peace all the time. No I am not because I am human and recognize I have to know turmoil in order to know peace. And right now turmoil is reigning. Not peace!

Okay now that I have vented a bit, I am seeing the funny side of my situation as well. I am cracking up about the words autocorrect comes up with when I am trying to say something else. And at the same time this whole auto correct thing is helping me to understand how easy it is for us to say one thing and mean another. To express a thought thinking we mean one thing while another interprets what we say from a completely different perspective as does auto correct with what I am typing. I should have left in some of the gems autocorrect came up with. But then again if I did the whole meaning of my blog would be lost. So slowly but surely I plod on. One letter at a time using only my index finger!

I am also understanding something about life. We are so busy anticipating what the person we are communicating with is going to say that we go to auto pilot and finish their thoughts before they even get them out. Often missing out on the salient details we needed to hear in order to understand where the person is truly coming from.

Conversations take on whole new meanings when we are totally present in them without jumping ahead. When we hear but don't listen. Without interjecting our own thoughts. When we truly listen we discover so much more about what others are thinking and how they are feeling.

Now I am getting really frustrated with this whole autocorrect because it is changing my words to make them sound like gibberish. And so I am having to slow down and read what I am typing so I can understand my own flow which is so frustrating because I am so used to the sound of a keyboard.  So used to it responding back to me through my fingertips, but still I have so much to be grateful for because of this little wretched keyboard I am still able post my blog even if if takes me ten times longer . At least I am doing it. Realizing perseverance pays off in the face of obstacles. One letter. One finger at a time in my case right now.

Now will someone at Apple come up with a user friendly keyboard phone for people over 50!!!! We aren't all technology dinosaurs - the majority if us just can't see as well as we used to.

Okay my hand is cramping now so I am taking it as a sign to stop. No namaste today okay Judy!

Letting my son go reluctantly

Morning from Boston, Massachusetts. What a glorious Monday morning it is as I sit at the picture window in my hotel looking out over the city as the sun becomes brighter and brighter. High up over the city as if I am sitting on top of the world. Not a cloud in the sky. Light everywhere reflecting off buildings sending hues of light and shadows everywhere. Flags fluttering in the breeze. What a lovely morning.

It is a bittersweet morning for me as I wonder how my son is doing. The son, my daughter and I dropped off at Harvard University yesterday for a two week game programming summer camp hosted by the Digital Media Academy. My brave son who when we got him to his residence and found out his roommate, he had yet to meet, was not there, asked us to leave. At first I was offended he would even suggest we leave without me knowing who he was going to be rooming with. Shocked that he wanted rid of us so soon. So I hung around for a while until I realized how serious he was that he wanted us to leave. His are you seriously still here expressions telling me to leave without saying a word.

My daughter said it was because he knew I would ask his roommates lots of questions about who he was and where he was from. She said he probably thought I was going to take over when he wanted to do it himself. The more I thought about it, the more I thought she was probably right. He is 15 now and much bigger than me so he probably did want to establish himself on his own without me being the overbearing mother wanting everything to be perfect for my children. 

I swallowed my pride and as hard as it was for me to walk away without knowing who my son's roommate is, I did. I came to the conclusion that for the next two weeks he is on his own and I will not be there to solve his problems as he will have to do so on his own. So I walked away. Kissing my son and wishing him well. 

I have to admit I did hang out for a bit in the lobby seriously thinking about  whether I should watch every person that came to register to see which one was my son's new roommate but then I thought it best to leave so I would not be taken for being a crazy stalker. So after stalling for a few, with wishes of peace, good energy and a fun time, my daughter and I walked out of the lobby of the residence hand and hand as my son sat in his room waiting for his roommate to arrive.

I sent my son a text last night to see how he was getting on. To see if he likes his new roommate. To find out how orientation and dinner went. No response much to my chagrin. I thought about calling the school to see how everything was going but then remembered it was my son who wanted to cut ties early so he could establish himself so I decided to leave well enough alone. Thinking instead I should be proud of my son's independence and how it would behoove me to let it go. Let him go. Accepting it is what it is so I did but this morning when I woke up he was on my mind as I looked out over the city. The city that still sleeps with its light, buildings, flags,helicopters and birds sending him good chi and thinking of the stories he will have to tell when we reunite in two weeks,

At least we parted after a great time together. A good dinner and watching the wonderful production, Brothers of the Knight, that even he, my cynical 15 year old, totally enjoyed. So I am sending him love and light on his new adventure and surrendering him to his own experience. Even still I can't wait to see him again and it would be nice to get a text back from him at some stage. But if I don't hopefully that means he is doing well.

I am so grateful to be able to give my children these opportunities. Opportunities to test themselves beyond their comfort zones with people they have never met. To allow them to flex their wings and see no matter where they go, there they always are. And that people are all the same no matter where we come from. Can't wait to see my son again in two weeks time,

Happy Monday everyone from beautiful sunny Boston. Off on adventures with my daughter today just the two of us having girl time. There is always good in every bad and a beginning in every ending. So I tell myself as I hope my son is doing well with the thought no news is good news, right?

Another school year done

Another school year done. Another summer begun. Can’t believe how time is growing my children. Shaping them to be such beautiful and caring young people. I look in their eyes sometimes and wonder how time has hastened so much since the day they were born. How life seems to have slown for me but yet it hasn't because my babies are now grown. Both so independent, so assured, so grown.

Another school year done. Thinking back to when they entered the year they just completed and all they have done. My son now the tallest in the house. A man child determined to continue to be his own person. Determined to be who he is. Not worrying about what anyone else is doing. Just being who he is. Sometimes I wish I could get in his head and unlock the mysteries swirling through his brain. But I know I can’t and I have to let go because he has to learn in order to continue to grow. He has to explore to know what suits him and what doesn’t. And more importantly he doesn’t need me to tell him who he is or what he needs to do. He just needs me and his papa to guide him when he gets lost. If he gets lost – our cautious perfectionist son.

Thinking back to the year when my daughter entered the year she just completed in school about all she has done in that year. About how she and I are like mother daughter friends – the best relationship I could have asked for in a daughter. So assured, so loving, so beautiful and so caring. I know there is a chance our relationship will change when she becomes an adolescent but for now I am enjoying the bond we share. Sometimes I forget she is my daughter when she becomes like my girlfriend and we chat about life. Laugh about life. The relationship I had with my mother while she was alive, I now share with my daughter bringing tears to my eyes.

I marvel at my children. At how different they are; yet how they are the same. Both loving. Both caring. Both determined to be who they are. Not marching to the beat of anyone else but to the beat that is their own. I marvel at the bond they share – brother and sister – chatting together, holding secrets together, there for each other no matter what. I watch how they look out for each other. Go to each other in times of need or even to just touch base. I love seeing them together – my son and my daughter – my first born who will always hold a special place in my heart – my son and my last born – who will always hold a special place in my heart – my daughter. My son and daughter who will always hold a special place in each other’s hearts.

Another school year done. An ending giving way for another summer that has begun. Doors opening for my children to go through and explore more of who they are and whether what they think they want to do is really what makes their souls sing, their spirits soar and their whole beings vibrate. Remembering always all my husband and I are here to do is provide them with guidance, a sense of purpose and to give them as much love as we can. Then letting them go. Surrendering them to the world that will become their own. Leaving it up to them to find their centers and go out into the world as they are meant to be.  To find their purpose and to be it. Allowing them to follow their hearts and to be as happy as they can be.

So grateful to be a mother. To watch another school year end and to witness yet another summer begun with children that are growing, maturing and reaching for the stars. Another school year ended. Another summer just begun. The cycle of life right before my eyes as as I watch my first born and my last born blossom, branch out and grow right before my eyes. Love.

One year anniversary of the fire that came

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the fire that came. The fire that came and almost took all of our physical possessions from us. The fire that came to warn us. To remind us how quickly life can change. To remember that physical possessions are less important than life no matter how sentimental they may seem. Life is so much more valuable. So much more precious.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the fire that came. The fire that our neighbor spotted while we were out. The neighbor who alerted the authorities to come and save us from losing all of our physical possessions. The fire that came out of the blue in the morning light to warn us. To take heed that tomorrow is promised to no one and we must be grateful for everything that we have because it could all be gone tomorrow. The fire that came and nearly took it all from us.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the fire that came. The fire that was stopped at the edge of our home by diligent firemen. Firemen who told us had it been 5 minutes more, we would have lost it all. Our house would have exploded and all of our physical possessions would be gone. The day when my husband and I realized just how fragile life really is. Just how fragile we all really are. How fortunate we are that the fire was stopped. Stopped at the edge of our home. A few feet from the gas bottle that could have ignited and blown our major possession to smithereens. But for some reason we were spared. For some reason the fire came not at night when we were asleep in our beds; but in the morning when we were not here. When our neighbor was running late and smelt the smoke. Allowing her to save our home.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the fire that came. The fire that threatened to strip us of our physical possessions but was stopped before it did and could. Stopped to warn us that we have to be grateful for our lives. To live our lives as fully and as joyfully as we can because from one second to the next life is never the same. People come. People go. Possessions are physical trappings that we can’t take with us when we leave this Earth plain. That though we lost many special mementos, we had our lives. Our family still intact. Still together. That though we discovered some special things that we could never replace had been burnt beyond recognition, we had our lives. We had been spared. All of us and our home. How fortunate was that we concluded.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the fire that came. The fire that almost took us all but did not. Allowing us to be very grateful for the fire because it reminded us to be grateful for our lives. For waking up in the morning fully functional with all of our faculties working. For having a roof over our heads that is our own. Reminding me our angels are always with us. Guiding us through the fires that come out of the blue. Rescuing us from danger when it is not our time. And always always to remember to breathe with gratitude for everything that happens to us whether perceived to be good or bad.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the day the fire came. Though there are reminders of its arrival. Blackened bark on the long thin trunk of the palm that hung over where our old shed once stood. Shattered window with melted frame at the back of our house.  Chimney scorched from the heat of the flames. New palms have sprouted. Full and green. A new shed in the process of being built from stone this time in the place of our old plastic shed. Showing just how life changes from one year to the next – the same in some aspects and very different in others. that after death there is always new life. 

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary when our lives nearly went up in smoke and flames but they did not. We were spared. Spared to continue to move on leaving behind the mementos that were not meant to be a part of our lives anymore. Ridding us of the excess that was no longer necessary in our lives. Giving us space to create more memories and realize their importance because of the fire that came not in the middle of the night; but in the start of a new day. The new day that told us to look forward and not back. The day the fire came not to take our lives but to ignite them. Namaste.

The gift of inspiration

Yesterday was one of those beautiful days

Fulfilling days

When because I gave back

I was given to

A beautiful morning assembly at a school

I, along with some of my colleagues, had volunteered our time

To expose some young minds to a part of the wider world

To give them the opportunity to come out of their world

Into a world previously beyond their reach

Existing over there

For other people

Not for them

So they thought

Until we changed that

And gave them the opportunity

To experience a large office

To meet people in the business world

They may not have otherwise met

To open their eyes to possibility

They previously thought was impossible for them

Or never even knew existed

Particularly for them

As I watched their smiling faces

I thought back to when we first met them

At how their eyes were untrusting

Their thoughts guarded

To when we left them

And how their whole outlooks had changed

I mused with pride about how

They had presented to audiences

When before some had no voice

About how their confidence had grown

When before they did not know what confidence was

About how the light had come on in their eyes

Was just as much a gift to me as it was to them

And yesterday without expectation

They thanked us

In a moving assembly

For moving them

When in fact it was them that had moved me

Moved me to tears

As I heard their speeches

Their music played with instruments

Music sung with such great pride

Taking me back to the quote I read

The one I read yesterday that said

“I want to inspire people

I want someone to look at me

And say because of you

I did not give up.”

The quote that resonated with me as true

As I watched the students yesterday

Knowing I had inspired someone

Knowing particularly in one

I helped to find her voice

A voice that allowed her to speak with confidence

A voice that said to me

Because of you I did not give up

You see there are some who gave me that voice

That opportunity long ago

To be the woman I am today

And the woman I am still becoming

And yesterday I realized in that little assembly hall

That my life had come full circle

I am now the one giving back

Opening the door of possibility

To those who did not even know there was a door

And what joy

Pure joy I felt

And feel

To know
The more I inspire

The more I am inspired

The more I give

The more I get

The more I am present

The more will become present for me

I am so grateful for taking the time to give

To inspire

To give hope

Because in doing so

I get the greatest reward

The gift of community

The gift of sharing

The gift of time

There is nothing more powerful

Than the gift of time

The gift of self

Particularly when it comes to young minds

The minds that will one day be the present

The minds that will one day colour the world

What better gift than to be present

Just for them

And in doing so

Becoming present for myself

The circle of life

When we give to one

We give to all

When we inspire one

We inspire all

Because we realise

There is enough

For not just one

But for us all

Namaste

Today I honour a woman

Today is the day 

I honour a woman

A woman who helped to change my life 

Today is the day she was born

The day she opened her eyes 

And her heart to this world

The day she began her journey of wisdom

Kindness and compassion

The day she began her walk to her place of employment

And waited many years for me to come

The day she was born never to physically become a mother

But the day she pledged she would mother me

So she could mother me when no one else did

She waited for me to walk into the office

Where she worked some 34 years ago

And when I did

She knew right away

I knew right away

There was something between us that cannot be described

Cannot be explained in any sense that could be understood

Except that we knew

We knew we would always be together

Striking a bond that would not be broken

By either time

Distance

Or trial

She saw through my hard exterior

Reached through it

And embraced

The frightened little girl

Whose heart had been broken

Life turned upside down

Saw that she had no clue about life

No understanding about the human spirit

No trust in the journey called life

And took me under her wing

Opened her arms wide 

And embraced me

Taking me in fully and totally

After she looked in my eyes 

And saw something

Something I didn’t even know existed in me

Took me into her heart

And led me out of my darkness

So I could begin my journey

My journey to the light

To help me to be the woman I am today

Today I celebrate this woman

With love, light and gratitude

This woman who helped to grow me

In ways I didn’t know I could even be grown

Taught me the importance of impression

How to dress

How to speak to people

How to look people in the eye

How to ask for what I wanted

How to navigate through the world of business

She looked out for me

Guided me as much as she could

During the summer of 1980

The summer when I did not know

Where I was going

Or what I was going to do

The summer I had graduated from high school

With no plan

When I learned people actually planned for tomorrow

When I discovered I had no direction for the future

When I discovered I had no idea who I was

Or what I was going to do

That life was not going to land in my lap

That I had to reach for it

And work hard

And she saw something in me

Felt something about me

And put aside judgment about what had happened in my life

Put aside talk about my lack of support

And filled my head with purpose

With dreams

With goals

And set me on my way to be

Much more than I ever dreamed I could be

Even though deep down inside

I always knew there was a world across the ocean

Across the ocean I used to stand on its shores

And think about what those people across it did

The ocean I knew I would cross many times over

But never knew how

She helped me to see

I was just as good

As they were

And just as deserving

So today I celebrate this woman

Who came into my life

Some 34 years ago

Who waited for me to show up

And she showed up for me

And who selflessly and tirelessly remains with me

Sometimes with me all the time

Other times intermittently

Never demanding

Never pressuring

Never judging

But always there when I need her

Always there when I call upon her

Still without judgment

Still without talk

Just there to help me to balance me and my life

It was this woman that opened my eyes

To compassion

To supporting others

To know no woman or man is an Island

We all need help

And when we get

We have to give

When we learn

We have to teach

To be there as a mentor and sponsor for others

Because without her

I would not be as open and as learned as I am today

So today I honour her

By wishing my angel

My rock

My confidante

The woman who mothered me

When I needed to be mothered the most

And still mothers me when I need it the most

Today I speak her name with honour

With the utmost love and respect

Catherine Lord

Thanks for always being there

When I need direction

When I need balancing

When I need someone to just be there

Be there for me

As you always are

May this day be as special to you

As you are to me

Happy Birthday Cathy

Happy Birthday to you

So blessed to know

You waited

Waited just for me

Faith comes from the storms we encounter

This morning I was woken up by the pouring rain pounding down on the ground outside. Beating on the roof of my bedroom like it was trying to burst through. Sounding like it was going to break through my window panes. I looked at the clock and it was 4 am. Relieved I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. One more hour of sleep I told myself until I was woken by the sound of thunder and a flash of lightning. No I thought as I opened my eyes and saw that it was 4.54. Almost time to get up to mediate then write my blog. But how could I with this storm outside?

I got up went to the bathroom and as I read my thought for the day, lightning flashed before me followed by thunder. Sending a shudder through me. Making me think there was no way  I was going to be on the computer so I went back to bed. Waiting out the storm.  Waiting and waiting. Half asleep. Half awake. Watching the flashes of light. Hearing the faint sound of thunder. The storm coming and going. Sometimes close. Other times far way.

The rain pounding one minute then pitter pattering the next. Until finally I decided to get up. To brave the storm. To do what I have to do to start my day with purpose, peace, love and light. To still my mind and to prepare myself to go out into the world from a place of quietude and peace. My daily ritual. My equivalent of a cup of coffee to others.  I got up and sat at my computer and a song was delivered to me. A song that said, “Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is sadness, bring me joy. Darkness, light.  Doubt, faith.”

Listening to that song, I knew why I had been waiting. Why the storm had come. It had come to lead me to face my fears. To hear the turmoil that is going on inside me about what comes next. To surrender to the unknown. To trust that I am where I am meant to be. To not allow doubt to stop me from believing that I asked to come here to be an instrument of peace. And sometimes peace does not come until we have faced our storms. Sometimes peace eludes us until we recognise the storms we brew ourselves. Sometimes faith escapes us when we don’t recognise that it is doubt that brings us faith.

And then these lilting beautiful words came to me from the song to help me some more. To guide me. Lifting me up. Replacing my fear with love and understanding, acceptance and surrender. “Where there is hatred, let me so love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is despair, hope.  Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. ... To be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand. It is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. It is in dying that we are born into eternal light.”

For the storm this morning that brought my fear to the surface. My turmoil to a place where I could see it for what it was allowing me to surrender. To let go in order to be led to this song of inspiration and peace, I am truly grateful. Grateful because it helped me to remember to trust the light that shines within me. Within us all always when we allow ourselves to push through the storms that we will encounter from time to time.  Allowing me to believe there is nothing that cannot happen today or any day as long as I trust in the light. Trust in the Divine Plan. To have faith. To surrender and in doing so I open myself to all possibility. As do you. As do we all. Namaste.

The danger of a single story as told by Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche

Yesterday I listened to a remarkable Ted talk by a remarkable young Nigerian lady called Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche which stayed with me all day after I heard it. So I decided to write about it. To spread her enlightening talk so those who read my blog will understand how dangerous it is for us to believe a single story.

It is so much more enlightening for us to expose ourselves to as many different stories as we can about people, places and things we are interested in because only then will we become more balanced in our views about them. Often times we are fed information from a single source and we have no idea what the agenda is of that source. We have no idea what the motives are of that source but we fall for what they tell us hook , line and sinker causing us to form ideas and impressions about something, someone or somewhere without us having the benefit of the many stories that form them.

Listening to Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche took me back to a realization, an epiphany I reached after writing my book, Held Captive, that history is based on the perspective of everyone living in that time period. Therefore there are no wrong or right stories because they are all based on the people living during that time and the perceptions they have of the lives they are living. I realised how powerful it is to be a storyteller because storytellers can dictate the perceptions of those who read their stories. Can sway people in ways they never knew they could be swayed.  

Storytellers can influence people very easily. That is why it is so important for us to understand, just because someone tells us something is true, if it does not resonate with us, it may not be true from our perspective because we are all living different stories - even if we are living in the same place at the same time. We are all exposed to different aspects of life and as a result our experience will be dictated by what we have been exposed to which may be very different from someone who grew up with us.

And that is why it is so dangerous for us to form impressions about people, places and things just because someone tells us so. Even if that someone is a person of authority because there are so many different stories to every existence. Think about our lives and the people, places and things that have come and gone. The people, places and things we have experienced that make up our story. Can we say that these people, places and things mean the same to us now as they did at a certain point in our lives? Probably not so how can we be painted by a single brush? Defined by a single story?  How can we be defined by anything or anyone when our stories are changing and developing every single second of every single day.

Therefore in some ways we are experts at nothing because nothing remains stagnant. Everything changes all the time. People come and people go. Places change. Stories change as do we therefore it is very myopic for us to believe in a single story because we are all products of many stories from many different perspectives. Consequently we should not judge anyone, anything or any place until we have experienced it for ourselves and even then it is truly only our story. Our story that may not be the same as her story or his story because there are so many different variables to the way we live.

I love how Chimamanda’s talk is introduced on Tex talks as they say. “Our lives, our cultures are composed of many overlapping stories.” There is no one story that defines our lives

Chimamanda  finished her talk by stating, “Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign. But stories can also been used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people but stories can also be used to repair that broken dignity… When we reject the single story. When we realize that there is never a single story about any place, we regain a kind paradise.” I would like to extend this to not just any place but to any person and any thing because when we do, we understand the beauty of everyone, every thing and every place. We understand the myriad of paths we take, the overlapping stores that connected us to each other and the diversity that adds to the colour of the lives we lead.

There is no single story because we are not a single story. We are a combination of many different stories. Of many different origins. And when we understand we all have a place in this world with our many different stories, we will accept others do as well and there is no need for xenophobia or prejudice. How beautiful and liberating is the thought that we are products of many different stories…

Link to Chimamanda's talk for your convenience. Well worth listening to  http://on.ted.com/h0Ipg

Three generation of men sitting in the Waiting Room

Yesterday my brother posted the most amazing picture of three generation of men – father, son, grandson. My father, my brother and my nephew all sitting in a row and it was so interesting to see so much in their faces. The end of the line for one, my father. The middle of the line for the other, my brother. And the beginning of the line for the other, my nephew. Father, son and grandson.

Life has a funny way of showing us the passage of time. The history of life on the faces of people. On our faces.  A way of letting us know that this life is ours for the taking and if we don’t take it, we will live with mush regret. We will go out with much regret.

We each hold the responsibility to pass the torch to each generation. Either with compassion or with degradation. So it is up to all of us to live our lives as fully and as joyfully as we can because we leave the next generation with the hope or loss of what comes next. And soon each one of us will be reaching the end of the line. And what story will our faces tell?

I love looking at the picture of my father, brother and nephew all sitting in a row because it is almost like looking in a mirror at youth passing from one generation to the next. My nephew with his eyes all bright and open to the possibility that awaits him. Still bright eyed and bushy tailed about what comes tomorrow. My brother somewhat accepting of the truth of where his life is. His eyes not as bright as his son’s but still full of hope and mischief. My father scared about what comes next as he stares down the end of the road for himself. But the three of these men sitting together taking care of each other. Reaching out to each other made me see something  I had not seen before - each face is the face of the torch being carried on.

My nephew having the young face of his father, my brother. The face I remember of my baby brother. The brother I helped to raise after our mother died. The brother who is now a man and father before I even became a mother. Sitting with his father and now having the face of our father as I remember him looking when I was growing up. And my father now looking probably like his father, the grandfather I never met because he had died before I was born.

Life is fully of history, stories and faces – our faces telling the story of our lives. What story are we telling with our faces? What lives are we living that are leaving impressions on our faces for others to see and feel.

Three generation of men - father, son, grandson from the world’s perspective. Son and grandson from my father’s perspective. Father and son from my brother’s perspective. Grand father and father from my nephew’s perspective.  And father, brother and nephew from my perspective. Each representing someone slightly different to each one of us touched by this poignant photo. This photo that has so many stories to tell and from so many different perspectives depending on who looks at it and interprets it.  Just like our lives – each one of us with a slightly different story from a  slightly different perspective. But each one of us looking for the same thing in the end – the ability to give and receive love. And to know that someone will tell our story when we are long gone. Someone will speak our names with honour, love and respect.

The story of three men in the waiting room – indicative of the waiting room of life – all depending on how we choose to live our lives will dictate the story on our faces – the story of our lives.

Three men representing three generations sitting together in the waiting room of life. Three men who mean the world to me - love.

There are no predefined roles

When we are told what we cannot do

Are we meant to believe what the naysayers tell us

Or are we meant to follow our hearts and do what we want to do anyway

When we are told we are not good enough

Are we meant to believe the naysayers and give up

Or are we meant to follow our hearts and believe we are good enough

Are we meant to believe the limitations people try to put on us

Colour within the lines

And be what others expect for us to be

Rather than who we are meant to be

Rather than recognizing there are no lines

So we can colour wherever the hell we want

Are we to meant to accept the roles we are given

Or are we meant to create our own roles

By following  our hearts and being who feels right for us

Who we are meant to be

Are we meant to believe the teachers

The elders 

Or the preachers

That try to define us when we are young

Or are we meant to buck the tide and follow our hearts

By being true to who we are

By staying true to who we are

By following our hearts

And listening to our inner voice

Allowing us to break through

The limitations

Glass ceilings

And predefined roles

To be who we are meant to be

What I am learning as I grow older

And wiser

And more open to listening to my gut

Is no one can tell me who and what I am

No one can define me or limit my potential

Unless I allow them

Unless I don’t know who I truly am

Unless I am still at an immature stage in my growth

Unless I allow ego in to cloud my judgment

Rather than to help my mind to flourish

I am also learning how important it is to choose

Carefully

Who we allow into our inner circles

Choose carefully

Who we talk to about our deepest desires

And wishes

And dreams

Because those people will help to build us

Rather than secretly plot to ruin us

There are many who smile in our faces

Pretend they are on our sides

Tell us what we want to hear

But then they don their shadow self behind our backs

And do everything they can to derail us

To unravel our dreams because they have none of their own

Because they are too busy living vicariously through others

Rather than figuring out who they are and what they want

They spend all their time

Trying to destroy others

Which fills them with hate and dark, dark energy

We are all here to be

To grow

To fulfill the dreams we came here to fulfill

But in order to do so

We have to work hard at our dreams

Surround ourselves with people that truly love us

That truly want the best for us

That will be honest with us

So we can grow and excel

So we can shatter the obstacles that present themselves along the way

Because obstacles will always present themselves

Not to hinder us

But to test us to see if what we desire

Is truly what we want and need

And that’s why it is so important for us

To be the encouragers

To be the positive energy we want to attract

Because in doing so we create the space to allow

Love and light to flow freely into our lives

Because when we operate from a place of love and light

There are no obstacles

No barriers or limitations to stop us

Only to help us 

To be the best we can be

Only to help us to shine

And be the love and light needed

Regardless of what others may say about us

Do to us

If we remember

We are the creators or the destroyers

Of our dreams

Of our lives as we want them to be

Only us

No one else

The story of Zen and Chi

I have these two fish – one I called Zen and the other I called Chi. I bought them on impulse when we bought fish for a friend of my son’s birthday. When I first got them, they didn’t seem to interact with each other very much. But after being in the tank with each other for a few weeks they developed a bond.

They became like two friends swimming in the tank together for the past few months. Chi is bright yellow and that’s why I called her Chi because she reminds me of the most radiant light and what I believe energy looks like. Zen is a beautiful purple and just makes me think of peace and serenity and hence his name.

Zen was the smaller of the two but quickly caught up to Chi by eating everything in his way. He is also the trickster in the tank. Often taunting Chi to make her move around.

Chi is on her way out. She has been swimming to the side for the past couple of weeks and last night she became virtually horizontal. She is holding on for dear life. Whenever I sit down at the computer, she comes to the front of the glass so I can see her. And then she flips back on her side. Trying her hardest to show me she is holding on. I have given her my blessing to move on to the next life if it is her time. To not hang on if it is too much for her.

But Zen is not ready to let her go. Whenever he sees her becoming still, he goes to her and makes her move. Chases her around the tank. I woke up this morning fully expecting to find Chi dead at the bottom of the tank. Instead I found her still fighting with Zen by her side. Him coaxing her to move. Chasing her. Giving her that spark so she can forget she is not at her best. And for a moment she is full of energy. Charging around the tank like a baby fish.  But that energy drops and so does she. Falling back to the bottom of the tank. Breathing as hard and as rapidly as she can to still herself. My heart breaking for her.

All this to say even fish develop relationships and trust. Even fish have bonds that are hard to break. To see Zen and Chi fighting to keep their relationship together when it is evident that Chi is running out of energy is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Love comes in many different forms and when we love unconditionally we can do anything. As Zen is giving Chi energy so she does not suffer as much.

But Zen also needs to let go. To accept that sometimes it is time to go. Sometimes it is time for those that suffer to move on to the next phase. And the same lesson applies to us. We experience beginnings and endings every single day and we make life that much harder for ourselves when we don’t want to let go of what is no longer working for us. We also make life harder for those around us who have to endure our wrath because we are going beyond our expiration date.

I will be sad when Chi goes because I know Zen will be very lonely without his companion but there is a beginning and ending to everything. There is no cheating death. There is no cheating when something is meant to end.

Life is all about living. It is very short and it is senseless to not live it for the time we have it. To my beautiful Chi whose light is slowly but surely going out, I am grateful to have had you and watched you swim bringing me peace. Now it is time for your peace when you are ready to go back to the light. As it is time for Zen to let you go so you can be at peace.

In gratitude to Shonda Rhimes and Kerry Washington

Yesterday morning I watched a clip showing Shonda Rhimes presenting to Kerry Washington at the Women in Film awards and got goose bumps. These two women are not only phenomenal; they are trailblazers and I totally admire them. They are showing that women can work together and can flourish together without one feeling like she has to trample over the other to get to the light. Instead they recognize that they become the bridges upon which many others may cross over into the light by beginning with themselves and showing how it can be done. They recognize they are bridges for each other to cross over into the light because they know there is enough light for us all and one does not have to diminish the light of the other or not be the bridge for the other to shine.

This is why Scandal, Kerry Washington and Shonda Rhimes represent so much more than a show to me. They represent the sisterhood rising. The sisterhood of togetherness, compassion and support and I just love how they are slowly but surely changing the complexion and gender  of television just by being who they are and coming from a place of light.

I love that Kerry Washington said we all have one thing in common and that is we come from a woman. Women are the bringers of life into this world and yet we have historically taken a back seat to the way life unfolds when we are essentially the vessel through which all human life comes. Through which the human existence is made possible.  As a result, women have the innate ability to be compassionate, supportive and constructive rather than destructive when we are true to our nature.

I also love that Shonda said, “When you are the only one, people feel you have to represent everyone.” I understand that sentiment totally having been one of the only ones in my industry for a while. I felt the pressure of having to represent. Of having to uphold a certain standard because I knew I was opening doors for many to follow. And many have followed and I am totally proud of the trail I blazed. Now it is up to others to do the same and for me to continue to do so.

Watching Shonda and Kerry was so refreshing because they are both confident in her own light. Allowing the light to shine on the other when necessary by stepping back and giving each other that space to radiate the light from within. Almost as if they were dancing with each other. Stepping up when needed and then stepping back when needed as well. I love hearing Kerry say, “when we step up for ourselves, we create opportunities whether it is because we inspire people or employ people or both. “ When we step up and own our own light and let our voices be heard, it’s amazing what we can do.

So it is up to us to allow our voices to be heard by uplifting each other and not tearing each other down. Not by pitting each other against each other. Tearing each other’s hair out. Those roles are done. We have evolved beyond that. Kerry Washington and Shonda Rhimes are prime examples of how the sisterhood is meant to work.

And that is why I love Shonda Rhimes and Kerry Washington because they represent so much more than the show. They represent the rising of the sisterhood. The bonding of women like never before. They are changing the complexion and gender of not only television but beyond because they are allowing people to see women and people of colour from a totally different perspective. From the perspective of love and light, compassion and the divine feminine power.

As the mother of a daughter who wants to pursue a Performing Arts career I am totally grateful to them both. Trailblazing for my daughter to have the chance of all the possibility that may not have been available to her had it not been for these two women breaking down barriers and setting new trails by owning their own voices. By coming from a place of light. By being supportive of each other. By understanding the roles they are playing and not taking them for granted. By having the wherewithal to be. With gratitude, love and light to Shonda Rhimes and Kerry Washington. Namaste

Yesterday I stood at the doors of our patio

Yesterday I stood at the doors to our patio and looked out over my yard. At the abundance of nature unfolding before my eyes. At the Poinciana tree that was bare just a few weeks before now green and laden with red.  Its leaves like delicate ballerinas pirouetting in the breeze. At the kiskadees flitting about the yard. Squawking as if it was their own. Commanding the trees. At life dying and beginning. At all the wonders that nature brings.

I marveled at how just a few weeks before everything looked so bare. So barren. Colourless except the green grass.  And then just like that, poof -  magically everything is in full bloom. An explosion of colour. An explosion of nature seemingly over night.  Everything so full. Providing a playground for the butterflies, blue birds, cardinals, chick of the village, sparrows to play in.

I stood at the patio door and felt full. Full of life. Full of joy. Full of tears. Just full. Knowing that life is always replenishing itself. Always replacing something when one thing dies off. That life is a cycle. Sometimes we are full of life while other times we are full of emptiness. But that is just the way life goes. Balancing itself and us all the time. There is no need to force anything. No need to worry about anything when we understand the cycle of life. When we understand sometimes we will be up and other times we will be down. That there is no changing the cycle of life. No sense in trying to buck the tides when the tides are leading us home. Giving us the best ride of our lives when we surrender to them.

Yesterday I stood and looked out over my yard. At the cycle of life happening right before my eyes and I felt an all knowing. A feeling of completeness. A feeling that everything is going to be all right. Everything is unfolding as it was destined to unfold. That there is no need to worry. No need to fret because life is exactly as I asked it to be.

So all I need to do is be grateful for everything. The darkness and the light. Births and deaths. The chirping birds. The silence. The beautiful sunshine flooding through the leaves of the Poinciana tree casting shadows on the ground. The night sky as the dark takes over from the light. The rich tapestry of life as it unfolds every single day in every single way because when I do I understand that life is meant to be lived by using the whole box of crayons. Colouring inside and outside the lines when need be. To be flexible and open to all possibilities because without them all, I will miss out on the full experience of the cycle of life.

Yesterday I stood at the patio doors looking out over the yard. Looking at the fullness and richness of life and felt eternally grateful. Totally satiated with this life experience that is mine. And that gratitude was the first thing I felt this morning as I face darkness for a period of time. But I do so knowing this is where I am meant to be for now and I will ride this darkness because I know at the end of it, I will appreciate the light that much more. Just like the beautiful star that was waiting for me when I pulled open the blinds this morning in the otherwise dark sky, I know I am never alone. There is always light at the other side of darkness.  I know my angels and guides are with me always and all will be well.

So here's to riding the cycle of life as uninhibited as I can. As joyfully as I can.  And for this lesson and blessing,  I am truly grateful. Namaste.

A confession about my father

Yesterday was Father’s Day and I read everyone’s posts about their dads and how much they mean to them. And I have to admit I felt a slight pang when I read them. A longing for that sort of sentiment for my father.  My father and I have always had a lukewarm relationship. One where there have been walls between us. Not intentional walls but walls nonetheless. He is of a different era where feelings were not expressed. Love not shown. But he was the provider and that was how he satisfied his role as the man of the house.

I never really knew my father before my mother died. He left at 5 in the morning every day to go to work then when he came back home, food had to be ready and the house had to be quiet. No slamming doors. No loud voices or he would rant. He and my mother had a tumultuous relationship for as long as I can remember. I never really saw any love between them nor do I remember any. They just existed as a couple. As our parents.

After my mother died, I took on the role of caring for the family. I was only 13 at the time but had to form another level of relationship with my father because I had to go to him for the grocery shopping money, be in the car with him to get the groceries and I don’t remember us ever having a conversation about anything. When I reflect on my relationship with my father, I have to say I do not have the same joyful memories of him as many others have of theirs.

But what I do have for my father, now that I am a parent myself, is the utmost respect. As a parent I recognize I am doing the best I can with the resources and background I come from. So I now believe so is he. He was the provider for us. Not the emotional provider but the financial provider. He was the one who made sure we had a roof over our heads and food to eat. And then we were pretty much left alone to make whatever decisions we had to make about where our lives were going. So we were given a lot of rope from early on to be whoever we wanted to be.

I also got my drive from him because I did not want to end up relying on anybody for anything as I saw my mother suffer for many years because of her lack of education and opportunity. My father inversely made me want to make something of myself so I could remain independent. So I could provide for myself no matter what.

I also knew that if I got into trouble or embarrassed him in any way, he would cut me off in an instant and would not even think twice about it. He was a very proud man and neither his name nor his reputation was to be messed with by anybody. Not even us. So indirectly he set me on a path of doing the right thing. Of making something of myself.

Yesterday I went to see my father on Father’s Day. I have to admit it has been tough for me to spend as much time with him as I could and should because he is not in a good place. He has become paranoid about life. Afraid of life and in doing so spends the bulk of his time being angry. Snapping at us when we don’t agree with him. Lashing out if we dispute his claims that everyone is out to get him.

But yesterday I went because it was Father’s Day and I wanted to honor the man who helped to give me life. I wanted to see if he was better than the man who seemed to be rejecting me the last time I saw him. The man who seems embarrassed by the way he is so much that he wants to shut himself off from the world. But he reached out to me in a way I was not expecting. He asked for help. He asked me to help him.

This time it was different. He was different. He seemed like such a small child when he was asking me for help. That I knew he was in trouble and despite the relationship we have had, he is my father and I will do whatever I can to make sure he is comfortable. To make sure he has what he needs because one day, God willing, I will be an elderly woman who may need help. If I don’t help my father, no one will help me.

Life has a funny way of equalizing relationships over time. Of bringing us face to face with what we fear the most. Of having to show compassion. And my father may not be the father of the year but he is my father and I will go to the ends of the earth to make sure he is okay because I know as parent, he is doing the best he could with the limited resources he had. No one to love him. His father rough on him. I know he comes from a different era where love was very hard to show but he was showing love to us in the only way he knew how by providing for us. And now it is my turn to provide for him. And I will because without him I would not be here today.

From breathless to grateful

Wow I have to say thank you to everyone who took the time out to like or comment on my coming out yesterday. I felt and feel so blessed to have so many of you in my life. Thinking of the roles you have played along the way in helping me to be who I am today. Thinking about the times I relied on some of you so much I could not have continued had you not appeared like angels in my life. And remained for as long as we needed each other. And then moved away. Like whispers in the night.

But time and technology are now allowing us to reconnect. To cross paths again. Paths that may not have intersected again had it not been for technology and I am so grateful to have you back in my life even if for a fleeting moment. Even if just a whisper in the night.

Posting my blog yesterday, my coming out blog complete with photos of me, was a very unnerving experience for me. A very vulnerable experience. I thought so many times about whether I should post it.  Worried about what others may think. Worried about those who would read it and criticize the photos I choose or the words I wrote. And even when I built up the nerve, I was hesitant to release it. Sitting on it for a few minutes. Taking deep breaths. Coaching myself and then I closed my eyes and with shaking hands and racing heart, I let it go. Surrendering me and my thoughts to you.

After I released me for a moment I felt like I could not breathe. Felt like I was naked exposing all of me to those who choose to read my blog to hate what I had done. To judge me. Waiting for the first like. Waiting for the first comment. Waiting to be talked about. And it felt like forever before someone liked my blog and me.

And then totally unexpected came the avalanche of likes and comments.  Instead of judgment came an outpouring of love and support from from far and near. Filling me with such emotion and pride. With such love and light. With such hope and inspiration.

Allowing me to know there is still a lot of love left in this world. A lot of stories to be told. A lot of stories to be written.  A lot of stories to be shared. And they only come when we are operating from a place of love and light. From a place of abundance and authenticity.  From a place where we can let go and let be. Where can be authentically who we are without having to change anything about ourselves.

Thank you to all who commented, liked or spoke to me about how you felt about what I had written and the photos I had posted. You don’t know how much you have given to me through the love you gave to me. There are no words for how I felt yesterday and still feel today.

And to my Erica Symonds, who told me my photos left her breathless, thank you so much. Breathless is how I felt when I released them but that breathlessness was from fear. Now that I have released them that breath that would not come has come and is here with me now because I am filled with all the breath that came from all of you who supported and reached out.

We are a sisterhood and a human community brought together to raise each other up. Not pull each other down. To extend a hand to those who need it in times of trouble so they can know they are not alone in their struggles. To let us know we are never alone in our struggles. Because with each breath we take, we are putting oxygen back into the air for another. With each step, we take, we are paving the way for another. With each hand we extend, we are providing a bridge for another to cross. And with each extension of love we make, we are giving love to the world.

I am so full right now that all I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will continue to give because I have received so much. And for you taking this journey of love and light with me, I am truly grateful because as you build me up so shall I you. Namaste. With gratitude, love and light…

There is no shame in loving ourselves fully and totally

For my 51st birthday this year, I dedicated the day to me. April 23, 2014. I gave the day to me. The gift of myself to me. I decided I was going to do something that in years gone by, I would have considered vain, over the top, who do I think I am sort of thing. But watching my daughter come into her own, watching her look herself in the mirror and be proud of who she is and who is staring back at her in the mirror, watching her own herself already at 11 years old has taught me so much about embracing me. Taught me so much about accepting myself - warts and all - as I am.  Realising only then can the world accept me for who I am.

So for my 51st birthday I gave myself a day of total indulgence. I started the day off by going on a bike ride. Claiming myself and not being worried about who saw me. And not caring about what they had to say. Instead deciding this was going to be the year of me. Of putting myself back on the map. Of taking care of me. I then came back from my ride feeling rejuvenated. Took my children to school. Kissed them goodbye then shut out the world and zoned in on me.

I had a two hour massage. Went to have my hair done.  My face done, glammed up before going to have some glam photos taken. For those who know me, they know I am terrified of a camera. Terrified of the image that comes back to me. Shrugging her off as not me. Unable to look at the woman that stares back at me.

But this year, I decided it was time. Time to come out of hiding behind closed doors. Hiding behind images and show myself for who I am as a glammed up woman. As the diva that resides within me. The one that has been fighting to come to the surface and be as large as she wanted to be. And there is this wonderful woman and photographer, Amanda Temple, who helped me to tap into my Inner Goddess. Who helped to free her from all the layers I had carefully piled on top of her so she could not be seen. Amanda helped to bring the larger than life me to life and out on the surface.

We snapped photo after photo bonding in that special feminine power that comes when we allow ourselves to surrender to each other. Bringing out the best in the two of us in those intimate moments. Sharing stories without words but in expressions until we were done.

She called me back in May to reveal my photos. I took my daughter and husband with me. Our 15 year old son off doing his thing. And when we walked in, I donned all my armour to protect me from rejecting the woman that stared back at me from the walls. The woman that was me.  But the armour soon fell to the floor as I saw for the first time the woman that is beautiful, poised and learned looking back at me. The woman that is me.

My husband bought the photos on the spot for my Mother’s Day gift. My daughter loving them too. My son when we brought them home, zoned in on his mother too. Choosing the softest photo of me as his favourite.  My daughter the most glamorous. My husband somewhere in between.

And then a few days ago,  Amanda sent me the photos for me to look at digitally on my own. And the feeling that came over me about me was beyond words. Is beyond words. But I knew instantly that my Inner Goddess is out, not to be contained and I am unveiling her and me today with my new image on Facebook as me. Not as an image of anything else but as me.

Because I am teaching my daughter through embracing me not to shrink from her light. Not to be afraid to love herself because if she loves herself the world will love her too. It has taken me 51 years to come into my own. To come out and embrace all aspects of me – the writer, the mother, the wife, the spiritualist, the business woman, the sister, the aunt, the friend, the balanced woman, the unbalanced woman, the woman doing the best I can and the list goes on. Embracing all parts of me without shame.  Loving every aspect of myself without regret because I am out for the whole world to see…and it feels so good. At the same time I am giving my daughter the head start I wish someone had given me. There is no shame in loving ourselves fully and totally.

No shame at all.

So here I am world, beautiful, wonderful, growing woman of love and light at 51…wow.

When I am succeeding at one thing, I am failing at another

I know I wrote about Shonda Rhimes’ commencement speech yesterday but there were so many parts of it that have stayed with me, I had to write about just one more nugget she spoke left me with. One more nugget that is so refreshing for women and mothers like me who are juggling so many balls. Women and mothers like me who feel like we are betraying our family because we are trying to do what we have to do as career women. Trying to be everywhere at once. All things to all people. Trying to be balanced and failing at it most times. To hear Shonda say, there is no such thing as complete success was one of the most honest statements I have heard a woman utter in a long time.

To hear her admit that when she is succeeding at one thing, she is failing at something else was exposing her vulnerability in such a compassionate way. It was so interesting to know that with all the resources she has at her disposal, not even she can magic herself to be in all places at all times. That she too has missed out on her children’s events because she had to do something for work. Be somewhere for work. Just like me. Just like so many of us.

These past few years my life has taken me down a path I did not expect and as a result I have found myself in places that took me away from my children’s events and I have been riddled with guilt and will always carry that guilt with me. But one thing I realized from hearing Shonda’s speech is that it is so true when we are succeeding at one thing, we are doing so at the expense of something else.

This year I was in Houston successfully moderating a panel. But at the same time I was missing my daughter’s school sports. Missed seeing her running her heart out collecting her ribbons. As a matter of fact for the past two years I have missed her sports because I have been travelling for work.

The guilt of a working mother, of a mother, of a woman is something that we have to come to terms with. Something that is just going to be a part of our lives because we have to accept we are human. Accept that we are only one person and therefore we cannot be everywhere at once and neither can we be all things to all people. And the guilt that we carry can be lessened when we accept we are constantly making choices about where we are going to be and what we are going to do. And with each choice we make, someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. It is my hope that in making that choice, it is because it is helping us to be where we need to be. To accomplish what we need to accomplish in order for us to be the woman we asked to come here to be. The person we asked to come here to be.

There is no such thing as the perfectly balanced woman who has it all because no matter how successful we become, we are always doing so at the expense of something or someone else. And the reason this is true is because we are human, imperfect human beings – one dimensional creatures who cannot morph into anything or anyone else. We are just who we are where we are because of choices we make every single day.

Thank you Shonda Rhimes again for letting me know that you are human just like me. Prone to guilt. Prone to succeed and fail at the same time. That no matter who we are or where we are, we cannot be everything to everyone and neither can we be everywhere at once. That at all times, we are doing the best we can with the resources we have. Thank you for showing that we are all human no matter where we come from or what we have. We face the same dilemmas. The same guilt. The same consequences as a result of choices we make every single day of our lives. Particularly when when we are doers not dreamers.

But hopefully with the choices we are making, we are laying the foundation for our children to be as true to themselves as they can be. Showing them by example to get out there and be all they can be. Understanding that life gives us exactly what we put into it.  And no matter what, it is so true,  when we are succeeding at one thing, we are failing at another – the yin and yang of life….

Dreamers vs. Doers #Shonda Rhimes

Yesterday I wrote about dreams and how I love helping to make dreams come true because it opens my eyes to possibility. Then last night I listened to the commencement speech given by Shonda Rhimes at Dartmouth University’s Graduation Ceremony and had to reframe what I wrote.

Shonda told the audience that there are doers and there are dreamers. Dreamers are the ones who blue sky their dreams. Spend time dreaming about what they are going to do. Planning what they are going to do. Often are the ones who say I want to be a writer. I want to travel around the world. Constantly saying I want, I want, I want.  These people never do anything but dream.

Whereas the doers just go out and do. They know that if they want their dreams to come true, they can’t just speak it, they have to do it. Shonda told her audience if you want to travel the world, sell your crappy car and travel around the world. She talked about how Oprah did not just dream about being the powerhouse she is today, she worked hard to become who she is and works hard still to remain where she is and to go beyond where she is. She doesn't sit on her couch dreaming about what she wants to do. She gets up off her couch and does what she has to do.

Shonda talked about how she never aspired to be a TV show writer. Her dream was to be the Pulitzer Prize writer, Toni Morrison. But she soon realized that job was taken by Toni Morrison herself and she had to do something for herself rather than trying to be someone who already was. She had to become herself in order to be anything. And once she did, the way cleared for her to become the Shonda Rhimes she is today – soon to command Thursday night television and the owner of her own land – Shondaland. Breaking down barriers the dreamers would have used as excuses for keeping them on the couch. All because she stopped dreaming and started doing.

So yes we can dream and should dream but the dreaming is not enough. The doing is what we need to do in order to be who we came here to be. Wanting something and doing nothing about it is the sure way to kill a dream.  For anyone who wants a pep talk about life and doing what needs to be done to become who you are here to be, go to YouTube and watch Shonda Rhimes commencement speech to Dartmouth University. You won’t be disappointed.

She is an amazing lady. A woman of substance. A woman who made her life by doing what she was sent here to do. Not just dreaming it. Doing it.  Remembering always there is a difference between those that dream and those that do. Dreamers watch life pass them why wondering how the lucky ones keep getting all the breaks. Doers live life fully and unapologetically.  So let’s not just dream if we want to fully embrace life, we have to start doing. And in order to do, we have to know who we are and become who we are. Then do the hard work to become the dream beyond our wildest dreams.
Because as Alicia Keys says, "Life begins outside your comfort zone."

Making dreams come true

Making dreams come true for others is such a treat for me. Because in showing them that dreams can and do come true when we truly know what we want and work for and go for it helps me to know that dreams do come true. When we know what we want and ask for it without fear or conflict. When we clearly know the direction that we want to go and do what we can to go that way, magic happens allowing our dreams to come true.

By making dreams come true for others, I open possibility up for myself because it allows me to know that sometimes dreams are not made by one but by many helping along the way. Helps me to know that we are more interconnected than we believe. Helps me to know that by freeing the mind of another to dream as big as they possibly can, I in turn free my mind too.

Dreams are universal and all of us have them. All of us want something deep down inside. All of us have the capability of making dreams come true by the way we live. By the way we treat others. By the way we treat ourselves.  The difference between those whose dreams come true and those whose dreams do not come true lies in being authentic and true to who we are. Not being afraid to express who we truly are and what we want out of life. And not to make our dreams come true at the expense of others. Not to dream the dreams of others or feel we have to live their dream rather than ours.

When we take from one, we take from all. When we give to one, we give to all. When we lurk in the shadows wishing bad karma on another, we are creating bad karma for ourselves. Life is always there waiting for us. Waiting for us to grab a hold of it and go for the ride. Because our lives are as large and as grand as our dreams. As colorful as those vivid pictures that come to us in our dreams because our dreams are an inner glimpse of what is going on inside us. An inner glimpse of our capabilities, vulnerabilities and what we truly believe about ourselves.

Making dreams come true for others is such a gift for me because in doing so it opens me up to possibility. Possibility far greater than the limitations I put on myself by holding on to my dreams. By believing dreams do not come true. By hiding from my dreams.

By helping others to reach their dreams, I am learning, does not hinder me. No it frees me and opens me up to know that dreams do come true. Opens me up to know it is up to me to voice my dreams without fear of being rebuked. Because if it is truly my dream and not the dream of another, it will come to me when I am ready and open to accept it. By making others dreams come true, I am also making my dreams come true.

I love making dreams come true because there is nothing more rewarding than seeing the light come on in the eyes of those whose dreams have come true. Nothing more rewarding than the feeling of dreams coming true. Because dreams are the magic of our minds. The will that keeps us going. The desire to be better than we are. To know better and to do better.

I love dreaming and making them come true. By helping to make the dreams of others come true, opens the possibility for my dreams to come true. What a wonderful gift to give and to receive at the same time - making dreams come true.

We are the women we are because you were Dr. Maya Angelou

Over the weekend I watched the Memorial Service for Dr. Maya Angelou and was moved to tears on several occasions by the people who spoke about this phenomenal woman. About how graciously and courageously she lived her life. About how she defied the odds and did what she wanted as a person – not allowing the limitations of other people’s beliefs about the roles she was supposed to play stop her from being the person she asked to come here to be. Not accepting that because she was a woman and a black woman at that that she was supposed to be a certain way when that certain way did not resonate with her.

Some of the gems were the ones spoken by one of Maya’s greatest students, Oprah Winfrey. Oprah told story after story about how Maya was the one person who could ground her in an instant. How Maya told her when Oprah was having one of her moments of feeling sorry for herself and sobbing hysterically down the phone, “there is a rainbow in every cloud. “ Wisely telling Oprah that regardless of what she was going through, she was going to come out of it a much better and stronger person because God had put that rainbow in the clouds as a symbol of hope. As a symbol that there is beauty even in the midst of darkness and fear. To let us know after every storm there is calm.

Oprah also spoke about how Maya told her, “Stand still in yourself and know who you are.” In other words, regardless of what anyone else may say about us, do to us, as long as we give ourselves enough time and space to be with ourselves, we will be able to be without living within the realms of anyone else’s expectations. That once we become authentically who we asked to come here to be, we live our lives fully and unapologetically because we have given ourselves the gift of standing still in our own and hearing who we are. Allowing us to become.

She also told Oprah, “You alone are enough.” Meaning there is no one that can complete us but us. There is no one that can make us but us. There is no one that can step in our shoes and live our lives so there is no need for us to please anyone else but ourselves. When we please ourselves, we please the world because we radiate out that energy that says I alone am enough. Powerful affirmation for us all.

And just when I thought I could not get enough,  First Lady Michele Obama got up and spoke about how women like Maya Angelou helped to pave the way for a little back girl from the South Side of Chicago like her to become the First Lady of the United States living in the White House. How she learned that if we stay true to who we are, the world will envelop us.  That when we stand in our truths, the world comes looking for us. We don’t have to go looking for it.

There were so many gems from the Memorial Service that even when I was moved to tears, the tears were tears of joy and I understood why when her son, Guy Johnson, said, “In the midst of sadness, we are finding joy.” What a fitting tribute to his mother, "In the midst of sadness we are finding joy". The same as there is a rainbow in every cloud.  Where there is despair, there is hope.  Where there is sadness, there is joy. Where there is an ending, there is a beginning. With every trial, there is a reward.

Thank you Dr. Maya Angelou for being the phenomenal woman you were and for sharing your phenomenal self with us because it allowed so many of us to be who we are today. Allowed so many of us to stand still in ourselves and to proudly know who we are. I know it is true for me. And I am grateful for finding you when I did. May you rest in peace because your love and light will always remain flames in my heart stoking me to be the best I can be. To give when I get. To teach when I learn. To do better when I know better. To be a phenomenal woman because I, Oprah, First Lady Michelle Obama, and so many other women are walking in your footsteps and the footsteps of those who came before you.

And we are, as Oprah said, the women we are today because you were....Namaste

Only love can give us wings

I am a huge fan of Angelina Jolie because she is one of those women who defies the rules and is not afraid to be who she is regardless of what people may say about her. Regardless of what words are spoken against her, she accepts who she is for what she is.  And last night watching her in Maleficent I became an even greater fan of hers.

Angelina finds those stories that are not mainstream.  Those stories that show the dichotomy that resides within us all. The thin line between love and hate. Those stories that evoke debate and conversation about who we are and how easily we can be corrupted when we are not satisfied with who we are on the inside. When we become so obsessed with being something that we are not that we trade true love for something that will poison our hearts forever. that will send us wandering in the wilderness of darkness trying to find the prize of power that keeps eluding us. 

Maleficent is a story about love – true and pure love. It is a story that touches the heart and awakens the good and evil that resides within us all. Show us how easily love comes into our lives because we are all creatures of love regardless of where we come from. And then how quickly our hearts can be crushed from love that turns against us because it is seeking power. And when we choose power over love, we invite the darkness in.

Maleficent asks us to question why people turn evil. Asks us to see the story of love and hate, good and evil from both sides. Challenges us to question who is evil and who is good. It is a story about how greed and power can turn us into dark monsters. Lusting for something that is outside of love. Craving for a power over there that is not within us and is not us such that when we get it, we spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders.  Paranoid that the power that we have achieved at the expense of love, at the expense of another, is not ours for the keeping. Terrified that the way we attained our power will come back to avenge us. Knowing deep down the greed we carried for power is against the core of what we are all looking for – love.

It is the story of good turning bad because of lust, power and greed.  A wonderful story about how we lose our wings when we turn cold and close our hearts because we have been let down by life and love. Only regaining our wings and who we truly are, when we open ourselves to be loved and to give love - true love. And sometimes that love comes from the place we least expect. It comes from us and from no one else. We cannot know love until we become love.

Maleficent is a story well worth seeing because it is a story that tells us no matter what, the only light that can carry us through the darkness is love. Not power. Not greed. Not hate. Only love is our salvation. Only love can give us wings. Maleficent is a story about true and unconditional love.