We are responsible for the lives we want to lead

What happens when the light starts to go out in our world, when we start to feel like we no longer belong where we are? What happens when we start to feel like we are ought to somewhere else but don’t know where that somewhere else is and can’t seem to find the way to somewhere else. Wherever that somewhere else may be. Taking us away from where we are right now.

What happens when we feel like we are drowning in a place where there is nowhere to drown? What happens when our thoughts become so muddled that we can’t find any thoughts at all?

What happens when we feel like no one is on our side. That the more we give, the more people want. The less they are satisfied. The more we try yet the more we are rebuffed.  The further away we seem to become from where we thought we would be.

What happens when we start to question everything and accept nothing? What happens then? How do we find the light again? The excitement? How do we stop ourselves from beating our heads up against the wall? And more importantly why do we keep doing the same things over and over again? Like finding the same wall to beat our heads on rather than dealing with what we need to deal with.

So many thoughts rushing through my brain. So many things I do not understand. So many people I do not understand why they are in my space. Thinking so much that I cleared my mind by letting go and meditating, asking for strength and guidance. Allowing myself the chance to hear. To really listen to the answers from deep within – from that well of all knowingness that we all carry and I knew without a doubt that when we have more questions than answers, more fears than truth, more unknowns than knowns, we are being asked to stop, to contemplate, to go to that place of silence. And really listen. Take ourselves away from the distractions that sometimes we put in front of us. The obstacles we create in our minds and do as my friend Shari posted yesterday, find a beautiful place in nature, like Par La Ville Park, and walk through it. Observing the presence of renewal. Listening to life happening all around us. Opening our eyes again to all that matters while letting go of all that does not.

When we are feeling like we are alone and there is no more to give, then perhaps life is telling us there is no more give and it is time to stop worrying about what we want in return. Time to cast aside expectations and just be who we are and what we are regardless of how others may treat us in return. Perhaps what life is telling us is that we need to appreciate who we are and what we have been given. By doing so, we can appreciate others for who they are whether they appeal to us or not because they are not us.

Perhaps life is telling us to stop looking for the things that are not going right in our lives and to instead focus on the things that are. To give thanks and praise for them because regardless of what does not feel right, there is always something in our lives that does. We always have beauty in our lives. Always have abundance in our lives. Always have joy in our lives but for some reason we do not feel worthy of the beauty, of the joy and of the abundance.  Or we feel that these moments are fleeting and so we are constantly waiting for them to turn on us rather than enjoying their company. Never being present in the moment. Thereby missing the joy, the love, the peace, the abundance in our lives.

Remembering always we are whatever we bring into the room. We create the calm as much as we create the chaos by the energy we project.  And it is often in that twilight zone of not knowing that change is on its way and we are being tested to see what we really want. The confusion, the doubt, the fear are sent to ask us which way we want to go and until we decide we will remain in that twilight zone shuffling backward and forward between the light and the dark. Until we accept true success comes from feeling worthy enough to move toward the light letting go of the dark. By remembering and accepting that we are responsible for the lives we want to lead. The choices we make. The energy we bring into the room.