Today there is a family on the other side of the world – a
father and a daughter and a son – a husband, a sister and a brother - who woke
up remembering the day their lives changed one year before – February 18, 2013.
The day their wife and mother was taken from them. The day she succumbed to
cancer after a brave eight year battle. She fought long and hard keeping
herself strong for as long as she could to allow her children to be prepared
for when she was gone. The day they became a wifeless husband and motherless
children. The day they said goodbye to the love of their lives.
She was a woman I never met but got to know from a distance.
A woman who loved my husband as his first wife. A woman who because of how our
paths initially crossed could not become my friend nor I hers.
But for some reason in her death she reached out to me to
ask my permission to allow her to have closure with my husband who was her
husband first. For some reason through a synchronicity of events she reached
out to me in time for the closure to come on the first anniversary of her
passing from this world to the next – today, February 18, 2014.
And I think she chose me because she knew I was the stronger
one. Because she knew I was the one who would understand more about how death
affects children and grieving spouses. She knew I would have the empathy to
allow my husband to grieve her death. To make contact with those who were left
behind after her death. To honour her in the way she deserved to be honoured
because he was not able to do so while she was still alive.
I think about her and talked about her to my Spirit Mother
only days before discovering she had gone from this world to the next. Telling
my spirit Mother I thought now would have
been a good time for this woman and I to meet to talk, to apologize to each
other for what had transpired between us some 24 years before. And I believe
she heard me and came to me to show me she forgives me by sending the news of her
death to me first through someone else. She came to me to let me know all was
well between us and the only thing left undone before her work in the physical
form was done was the closure needed between her and my husband, her husband
first. And I became her vehicle to do that just. Allowing her in to my home and into my husband's heart for the last time through my heart.
I pray for her children – a daughter who was the same age as
I was when I lost my mother and a son, the same age as my younger brother when
we lost our mother. A daughter who is about the age of my son now and a son who
is about the age of my daughter. My heart aches for them. For the memories that
will never come for them in the future with their mother. But I hope they will
learn as I did many years later that the love of a mother never leaves. It
always remains deep, deep in our hearts. That though they do not see their
mother in a physical way, they will always feel her with them in a spiritual
way.
That when the world feels like it is against them, she will
send them a shiver down their backs with a faint breeze. She will ask them to
remember her every time they see a yellow daffodil. Every time her son sledges she
will ask him to think of the times she sledged with him.
So today, February 18, 2014, I honour a woman I did not get
to know in the physical form but a woman who chose me to help her to mend the
broken pieces that could not have otherwise been mended if I had not become woman
enough to forgive and to let go. To understand that in time all heals. To allow
her and my husband, her husband first, the dignity to say goodbye. To bring
closure to a time that is no more.
May she rest in peace knowing she was loved and her name
will always be spoken from a place of love because there is nothing like a
mother’s love. Nothing like lasting and
honest love. Sleep in peace now Frances Clare Drewery, your work here is done. With honour and respect. Namaste
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