Be inspired. Be grateful

My first Monday morning without my baby girl Mysty- blue, my little furball. My little rabbit. And I have to admit it is really hard to know I am beginning another day, another week without her little beautiful face.

We buried our little girl, Mysty- Blue, on Saturday morning under the blazing winter sun that felt more like Spring than Winter. We put her little body in the ground and I was afraid to touch her thinking she would not feel the same. Thinking somehow she would have hardened too much, but I felt compelled to do so. To touch her one last time before we covered her. And when I did, I was glad I had. She still felt like my soft Mysty. I almost expected for her to jump up and come back to us. Watching closely to make sure she was not breathing. Her eyes still open, staring back at me like my girl who loved to look me in the eye.

We put her little zebra print bed in so she could lie on it in comfort and so she could have something from us with her as she began her journey from this world to the next. We covered her in hay first and then each of us took a turn to cover her with soil. Dust to Dust. Sad to let her physical being go even though I knew her spirit had left long ago.

After our little ceremony, my daughter cut a white rose from the same bush in our garden as my husband had cut one for me the day before and placed it on top of the mound of soil. They all walked away but I could not. Not just yet. I could not turn my back on my baby girl who had brought me so much joy in a very short time. I stood with her for a while. Telling her how much I love her and will miss her. Telling her to be free. And then I stood in silence and allowed the song of the birds, the whispers of life going on to surround me. To fill me. To uplift me. To remind me this chapter in my life was over in the physical but would always remain in spirit. To remind me that life goes on.

And then I looked up as a little yellow butterfly fluttered out of the Golden shower tree and flew right past me and up in the air. Up. Up. Up in front of my vision as if it was Mysty telling me it’s okay mommy I am now free. Free to go so you can go too. I felt her little spirit all through me with that yellow butterfly who stayed with me until I was ready to walk away. Fluttering around me. Staying near until I walked away and then it flew away.

I walked to her house and looked in. Looked at where she had spent the last few months of her life – all cleaned out now. All her treats and things gone just like her and a tear come to my eye. And then a well of emotions came out of me as I knew my girl was gone and would not be back any more. I walked from her house to our porch and unbeknownst to me, my husband was waiting with arms open wide. I fell into his arms and sobbed while he stroked me. Grateful for having a man who understands how much even a pet’s death can hurt, can devastate.

We held each other for a long time. Grieving for words not spoken. For things left unsaid. For life marching on even in the face of death.

Later, my daughter and I bought a little rabbit statute and a bird ornament that says, “Be inspired.  Be Grateful”  to put where Mysty-blue was laid to rest so that each morning when I open the windows in my bathroom and look out, I will see her resting place beneath my Buddha with love and peace. Reminding me that life is very short and it can change in an instant. To live each day as if it is my last. To truly live. To be inspired by and to be grateful for every second, every minute, every hour of each day that I am living and breathing. Namaste.