A purposeful walk

Yesterday I did it and I am so proud of myself! Thanks to the circle of women who surrounded me in spirit and cheered me on. Who claimed my story as their own. My story where I exposed my vulnerable self who is ashamed of her body. Who was too full of ego to hit the streets and walk. Too fearful to go out into nature because I was afraid of being outed for the weight I have gained.

In putting my story out there, so many women came forward and said they feel the same way and they are so proud of me for validating their feelings as well. Telling me. Teaching me. Showing me  that when we are honest about where we are in life. When we are brave enough to speak our truth. What we end doing is speaking the truth of many who are on the same journey. What we do is validate each other. Letting us know we are not alone.

So I say thank you to my sisters from wherever you are for cheering me on. For giving me the power of the Universal sisterhood to don my exercise clothes and go out into the world yesterday - excess weight and all - and just do it.

And I have to tell you, it was painful at first. I had to do a lot of inner talking to hear your voices. To embrace your voices. To take the first step. And when I did, I started slowly and with lots of trepidation. Hoping I would not see too many people I knew. Not on my first day. And the journey was tough. All uphill so my legs were burning but I kept going, slower than I had anticipated to ease the burn in my legs.

I was also overwhelmed and surprised by the heat of the morning. Thinking it is November right so how can it be so hot. So humid.  I wasn't sure if it was my hot flashes or if it was just the heat of the blazing sun, burning through the thick heavy black exercise long pants I had on. Making me question why I had chosen to wear those thick pants in the first place. Particularly when I saw the true exercisers strutting by in their light weight gear. 

But once I made it to the beach, I was so thankful for walking. So grateful for getting up off my behind and getting out in nature. As I neared the beach, I could hear the sound of the ocean calling my name. Taking away some of the pain I was feeling. Even before I could see it, I could the rhythm of the ocean deep down in my soul. Soothing my nerves. Relaxing me.

And then as I got to the beach, I saw the power behind each wave. The water almost milky from the ferocity of the waves. The beach almost nonexistent in some parts because of the high tide and the large waves. Each wave crashing then retreating. Making me realize just how powerful the ocean can be as I watched it reclaiming the sand it had brought there before. Washing it back out with it as if it were reminding me that we are only here temporarily. Brought here for a purpose and it is up to us each day to be grateful for the purpose we came here for. To live our lives until we find that purpose. Then we must embrace it with all of our might. Because just like the ocean was reclaiming the sand it had brought with it; so too. will we be reclaimed one day by the Divine. To go back to the place from whence we have come. And on that day , we will either be happy for the lives we have led or sad we never did what we thought we were here to do.

I walked along the beach and up the next hill,which was just as steep as the one before, and felt pure joy in my heart for walking. For pushing aside my shame. For hearing the voices of my sisters supporting me, telling me I could do it and I did. I walked with purpose after that. With the purpose of being grateful for being given another day to take one step at a time toward the life I am meant to be living. Building on each experience with gratitude.

Knowing sometimes I will experience pain and hurt but if I keep moving, keep going and not stop, the pain will subside and life will show me the way. Clear a path for me as my walk showed me yesterday. With gratitude. Namaste.