Moving beyond guilt

This morning I am all over the place. Eyes glassy from the remnants of this flu bug. Body still not 100% but I am telling myself I must forge on regardless of how I feel.

But why I answer from a place deep within me craving to rest. To go back to bed.  Why do I feel I have to prove myself to anyone when I am the only one that can determine my fate?

Why do we feel we must assume all the armour we assume to go out into the world rather than letting the vulnerable truthful light self of who we are be the real person we show to the world?

How did we become so conditioned to show the world what we are made of – stamina, strength, and power – when in fact sometimes we are vulnerable, sick and just plain tired?  Why can’t we accept that we will not be up all the time and we are not meant to be?

Sometimes we get sick to make us reflect on what we are doing to our bodies, minds and spirits. Sometimes we are sent to bed to allow all aspects of ourselves to reconnect because we have become disconnected. So driven to be driven that we get knocked down by our own bodies, minds and spirits.

Like today all I want to do is go back to bed. To rest some more because I am not 100% there but I have certain demands that I must meet today and if I don’t I will feel guilty. Guilt is a shadow energy that comes from the dark side of who we are. Our lives can only be transformed when we make peace with our shadow energies as per Deepak Chopra.

So what I will do today is compromise. I will complete what I must complete then I will come back home and go back to bed. To allow myself to rest so I can get back to feeling 100%. And not feel guilty about being ill either. And hopefully those I cannot meet will understand because I need to give myself permission to rest in order to heal.