Monday, 4 March 2013
Starting all over again
I started to write a blog last night and my computer crashed right in the middle of me getting in the flow. I was so shocked because that's never happened to me before. Words, thoughts, stripped from me before I had the chance to fully develop them. Stolen from me before I knew where they were taking me. Devastated because I felt they were taking me someplace I had not been before and would probably never go again.
So I stopped and breathed. Assessing the moment and the why. And then I knew when my computer crashed the words, thoughts were taking me where I was not meant to be. And the Universe intervened to put me on the path I needed to be on. So I sucked up my pride and my hurt and started all over again. This time from a different place. From a different angle.
First listening to the silence. Then when I felt the words coming again. I just let them flow. Realising that sometimes where we think we are heading is not where we are meant to be. And when we keep heading in the direction we are not meant to be heading, we run head long into a brick wall knocking us flat on our backs. Shocking us back into our existence so we can see we were not going where our heart was telling us to go. Not doing what felt right for us. Failed to listen to the warning signs and take heed of them. Instead we plowed along until we could plow no more. Until the Universe intervened and caused us to stop. To be still. To listen. To fall flat on our backs so we could get up off our backs again. Dust ourselves off and start all over again.
Hopefully this time listening to the warning signs. This time taking heed. This time trusting that all knowing voice inside - always there for us. That same voice that was telling me to remember to save my words. To stop every few seconds and save what I was typing but because I was on a roll, because the juices were flowing and the words were spilling on the page, I did not want to stop. Could not stop. Refused to stop because I was so excited about where I was going that I failed to see what was happening all around me until my computer took matters into its own hand. Crashed on me. And my words and excitement were no more. Leaving me speechless and devastated. Watching my screen spew out a strange language.
Until all that remained was the all too familiar and dreaded screen that says, "He's dead Jim." And my heart nearly stopped. My excitement drained right out of my toes and I was about to give up. To shut down my computer when I was told otherwise. Told I was being given an invaluable lesson that I needed to remember for myself. And one that I needed to share. So I started again. Listening carefully to my inner voice. Allowing it the freedom and scope to use me as an instrument for its message. And then I started to type again. Feeling hope flooding through me.
Letting me know even when we feel we can't go on. Even when we feel like the world around us has grown cold and dark. When those who we loved are no longer in our lives, there is always reason to be grateful. Always reason to continue because each one of us is here to teach and learn. To learn and teach. To stop and save. To save and stop. To share and love. To love and share.
And so here I am again in the flow. A different flow than what I had anticipated but a flow nonetheless because I am accepting my life is unfolding as it is meant to unfold at this moment in time in my life and I am grateful to be living and breathing through it. Grateful for having the wherewithal to write another blog and just go for it.
Accepting sometimes we have to wipe the slate clean as my computer did for me last night in order to start all over again in the way that allows our souls to sing songs of freedom and acceptance. To embrace the mystery that is us. Namaste.
Happy Monday everyone from Houston Texas.
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