A long journey of faith

Aloha everyone from Princeville, Hawaii.
After travelling for over 24 hours we arrived safe and sound at our condo in Princeville, HI. At times it felt like our journey was never going to end. Three flights. Over thousands of miles. Through 3 different time zones. Leaving our home in the midst of a major thunderstorm. Lightning flashing. Thunder booming. Rain lashing down on everything. My daughter trembling. And surprisingly I felt no fear whatsoever to the thunderstorm.  I felt at peace. Accepting we were where we were meant to be. And if it was meant for us to get to Kauai we would.
By the time we checked in at the airport and got upstairs, the dark and ominous clouds had given way to blue skies. And by the time we boarded the airplane, there was no sign of the threatening weather that had unfolded unexpectedly on us when we were leaving our home. Filling me with hope that our journey was going to be filled with hiccups but we would get to where we were meant to that day.
On the flight from NY to California, I paid homage to those whose lives were lost in the tragedy of 9-11 as they too left their homes that morning full of optimism and hope about their final destinations that day only for them to be crashed into the World Trade Centre. As we were on the same route as they were. Thinking about that ill fated day that changed the way we all travel. I thought about how fortunate my family is not to have experienced that tragedy first hand. And whispered a silent prayer to the Universe that it was not in our cards to have to experience anything similar.
By the fifth hour on the flight, my children started to get a bit restless but were in good spirits by the time we landed in California. Four hours gained from the time we left home. We walked around the airport a bit trying to stretch our legs before boarding another 6 hour plus flight. Changing time yet again.
Worrying that I was pushing our family too much by trying to do the journey all in one day. Should I have given us time to overnight in California so we could have had time to regroup. My son saying he was glad we were getting it over and done with all in one day.
Boarding our final flight for the day. Going through turbulence while the sky did not look threatening  Praying we would arrive safely and then the turbulence stopped. Yielding a relatively smooth journey from there on.
Finally arriving in Lihue, HI at 8.30 pm Hawaiian time, 3.30am Bermuda time. Realising I had been awake for nearly 24 hours. Having woken at 4am the morning before to be sure my family was prepared for our journey. My body, mind and soul trembling from sheer exhaustion but still pushing ahead until my family was safe and sound at our destination.
Getting into our hire car. Full of our luggage. Full of wonder and excitement. Only to find our GPS did not work. After faffing around with it for about half hour we decided to throw fate to the wind and go where we were being led. We drove out of the airport with little more than hope and a prayer.
And once I thought we were on the road to the North, our final destination, I fell asleep from relief. Only to awake some 15 minutes later to us on a road that did not feel right. Heading west.
There was no one around. The roads were deserted.
Over tiny bridges we crossed. Past long stretches of dark beaches illuminated by the large beautiful moon. Under normal circumstances we would have been in awe of the beauty that was surrounding us. Instead we were wrought with worry about where we were heading. Dark and winding roads. No lights because we later discovered there are no lights as there is a bird that is sacred here that flies into lights and kills itself.
And then a lone car came towards us and my husband, unlike the stereotypical typical man, flashed the driver then flagged him down. The driver slowed to ask, "Is there a cow on the road?"
Did he just ask if there was a cow on the road we all asked? Thinking what in the world had we gotten ourselves  into. My husband asked the driver if we were on the right road to Princeville. The driver told us we had passed it by seven miles. Then he miraculously said he would not only show us where we needed to go but he would drive us there. All we had to do was make a U turn and then follow him.
As we neared our destination, our guide stopped and the passenger got out to ask us where we were specifically going. When we told her, she said they would take us directly there so we could not get lost on the dark roads.
When we reached our destination, our guides made a U turn said Aloha and drove off into the night without us even knowing their names or thanking them properly. Leaving us with a good feel about our upcoming holiday. Letting me know that even when we set out on our journey and it is not what we thought, when we get led down dark and ominous roads  when we feel like we are totally and utterly lost, if we have faith, trust and believe and are not afraid to admit we are lost and ask for help, angels and guides are always there for us. Asking for nothing in return except to show us the way.
And for this lesson and journey I am truly grateful.
Waking up this morning to the sound of new adventure. Unfamiliar bird songs. Sounds of the new and unfamiliar with anticipation, gratitude and love. Mahalo from Princeville, Hawaii.

Living passionately is the gateway to living purposefully

Living a passionate life

leads to a purposeful life

A purposeful life?

What is that?

A life filled with meaning

A sense of belonging

Of purpose

Of connectedness

How does one define passion

One then asks

Easily

By doing that which makes your heart sing

Your mind soar

Your soul connect

With the Divine

How does one connect with the Divine

One may ask

Simple

By taking time to connect

With the silence

To reconnect with the nothingness

That is the all

What is the nothingness that is the all

One may ask

Easy

It is the compass

That keeps us going

Guides us through

Our darkest night

Helps us to find our way

When we are lost

How do we get lost?

Easily

When we get caught up in the busyness

When we do not do what we are meant to do

When we close our hearts and souls

To the calling that is within us all the time

Why do so many of us get lost

One may ask

Simple

Because we are human

And being lost is a part of our growth

Necessary for us to understand

The yin and yang

Of our existence

Why is it that some of us stay lost

One may ask

Easily

It depends on how one defines lost

Each one of us

From the beggar on the street

To the wealthiest man in the mansion

Has a divine purpose

A reason for being here

Can make a difference

Does make a difference

So what we must do

To connect to our Divine Purpose

Simply

by not 

Trying to define who we are

And just be who we are

Stop seeking

And just be found

Stop judging

And just accept

Stop projecting

And just live

Our lives can become 

Whatever we dream

When we fully believe

And have faith

To be strong enough

To let go

Not struggle

Not question

Not second guess

But truly let go

To make room

For the Divine

To step in

To intervene

And show us the way

The truth and the light

Allowing faith

To do its thing

When we live our lives with passion

We live our lives with purpose

We stand tall

We stand firm

We smile a lot

And we automatically shine our light

Out into the world

For all to see

For all to feel

Including us

Especially us

Living passionately

Is the gateway

To living purposefully

Aah

Namaste

Stop perfecting the same mistake

“Ladies, I have a guy as a housekeeper! His classic quote today in response to his polishing the windows with no success of removing the streaks is that "he will stop perfecting the same mistake"”.

A dear friend posted this message on her Facebook page yesterday and when I first read it, I laughed. At first I thought it was a lost in translation sort of statement. But it would not leave me so I copied it down and told her I may steal it from her and use it. As writers often do. Everything and everyone becomes a writer’s muse. So my friend and her male cleaner became mine.

Throughout the day yesterday, my friends’ post popped into my mind randomly. And the more I thought about this post, the more I realized just how profound my friend’s cleaner’s statement truly is. Just how awakening it is to my soul. And why it was resonating with me so much.

I realized the only lost in translation aspect of what the cleaner said was the lost in translation that is happening in my daily life. My failure to stop perfecting the mistakes I keep making all the time.

I found myself questioning throughout the day how much time we spend doing what we don’t want to do. Complaining that life is passing us by. Worried that we will never find our passion. How much time we spend doing the same thing over and over again wondering why we have not changed while others have.

My friend’s cleaner is brilliant beyond measure for stating a simple yet powerful fact, the only way we are ever going to change, get better at what we do, find what we want to do, have the courage to move on is when we stop perfecting the same mistakes. When we stop becoming expert at the very things we don’t want. Such a simple but powerful message and truth.

In order to embrace the unknown, in order to change our habits we have to stop doing what we don’t want to do because if we don’t, we become good at the very thing we don’t want to be good at because we don’t leave room for what we want. If we are practicing what we don’t want every single day, that practice shapes who we are. What we do the most is what we become. A simple illustration of how the law of attraction works.

When we keep telling the Universe we don’t want something that is exactly what we attract because the Universe only responds to what we practice the most. And it was the message, “he will stop perfecting the same mistake” that forced me to sit up and pay attention. To ask myself am I perfecting the same mistakes by continuing to do what does not serve me?

If my answer is yes then I need to change, to adjust, to start doing what I am meant to be doing so I can perfect what I want rather than perfect what I don’t want. Thank you Sharon Bailie for being my angel once again even though you are far away in Singapore. Namaste my friend and thanks again. In gratitude to the gifts and treasures of the Universe that come our way whenever we are open to receive them. 

The splendour of the moon

Lately I have been so busy that it seems I have not had time to breathe. Always rushing here and there. Meetings. Deadlines to meet. One task after another.

I also seem to be going to bed later and alter. Waking up at exactly 4.55 in the morning. Alert. Mind rushing. Checking off the list of things I need to do in my head. Remembering to express gratitude for all I have. Then getting out of bed to do all the things I need to do to prepare myself for the day. Meditation being one of my top priorities to center me and reconnect me with spirit.

After coming out of my meditation this morning, I remembered how last night when I was going to bed, I was drawn to the windows in my bedroom because I thought someone had activated the motion lights in my front yard. Only to discover when I pulled back the shade, that there was a beautiful moon casting its light across my yard. A real and authentic light. Not one made by man. But one created by the Divine Spirit. A light that will never extinguish but will always remain.

I inhaled deeply. Exhaling slowly. Breathing in and out the full impact of the moon on my consciousness.  Feeling it nourishing every atom, every cell of my body.  Feeling nostalgic about the fact that I have not been spending as much time appreciating nature as I normally would. Feeling the splendour of the moon penetrating my soul even through the closed window. Feeling the power of spirit moving through me. Reconnecting me with all that is. A smile spread across my face as I remembered the lovely photo a friend posted on Facebook about the moon that was shining down on us here in Bermuda.

Feeling pure joy that I am a part of nature. Affirming Chopra words, “I am an exquisite expression of nature.” Allowing myself to accept when we take the time to observe nature and to be in nature, what we realize is not one of us is separate from the other. That we are expressions of nature.  Part of nature. That without nature we would not survive because our body, mind and spirit could not be replenished. We are nature and nature is us. What a wonderful expression of symbiotic connectedness.

This morning I am grateful for the reminder of the importance of spending time in nature. Of the importance of observing its wonder. Of the importance of letting it reconnect me to the field of infinite possibility and potentiality because it is freely available to me and to us all. And if we were to observe nature , spend some time in nature, we will see just how resilient and awe inspiring nature truly is. Reminding me because we are a part of nature then we are just as resilient and awe inspiring as nature is. And just as important. Namaste.

Everything I need is within me

“What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Martin Luther King Jr.

These two quotes resonated so much with me today that they were all I was going to put in my blog because I wanted them to stand alone. To have the impact on you as they did with me.  But then I remembered we are at all different stages in our journey and what matters to me may not matter to anyone else. That life brings us exactly what we need based on where we are. Hence these quotes were sent to me to help me to have faith I am on the right track. That I am within sight of the mountaintop.

To remember if we are in a growth stage we feel like we are climbing mountain after mountain. With each one seemingly getting steeper than the last. Despairing that the world is against us. Asking when we will ever get a break.  

But if we have faith the mountain is where we are meant to be in our journey. All we need do is to keep climbing despite how futile it may seem. And eventually we will reach the mountaintop. Enabling us to look down and up and see the benefits of all the changes, challenges, and heartaches we have been through. We will understand that life brings us exactly what we need to be the best we can be.

And what I am learning is in order to be at peace with myself. In order to live a healthy and purposeful life, I have to think carefully about what I bring into my life. And when I do, I must ask does this thing serve me well? I have to think carefully about who I bring into my life. Asking myself does this person serve me well? And I also have to think carefully about what I put into my mouth. Asking myself does this food or drink serve me well?

If the answer to any of these questions is no then I know it is time to make changes. To eliminate all the things that no longer resonate with me. Do not serve me well. Do not help me to grow. Do not help to nourish my body. Life is really very simple. It is the choices we make that complicate our lives. The decisions we do not make that complicate our lives.

So my mantra for today, thanks to Deepak Chopra, is, “My little changes amount to big benefits.” My steps toward inner peace, inner harmony and inner light are all steps in faith, intuition and trust that the Universe is always guiding me, testing me, teaching me, showing me the way. All I have to do is have faith in me and the power greater than me that is within me that I am love. I am light. Remembering always everything I need is within me. Not without me. Namaste.

Are you tired of writing your blog every day?

Yesterday my husband asked me if I was tired of writing my blog every day. If it had become a chore. To say I was stunned by his questions is an understatement. Immediately placing me in defense mode. Thoughts whirring through my brain. Insecurities bubbling through my veins.

As thoughts like, is he sick of reading what I write? Am I becoming boring? Are others thinking the same thing? Is my message not a good one? Fear. Vulnerability. All emotional insecurities fighting with each other to rise to the top. And at first I was going to spew out all these insecure statements. I was going to attack him for even thinking like that because I so wanted to defend the honour of my writing. My passion. How could he not understand how much writing this blog really means to me, I thought with despair.

And in the past I would have reacted very defensively to him or anyone who questioned why I write. This time I paused and allowed the thoughts to run through me. The feelings to be felt. And only when I felt brave enough, strong enough, confident enough did I respond, “Absolutely not. It is my passion. It’s what keeps me sane. Keeps me going. It helps me to understand what I am experiencing and feeling from a deep and hidden place. It helps me to understand me.”

To which he responded, “Oh, I thought after all this time, you may might be tired of writing your blog every day.” And then he walked away. I looked at his retreating back thinking what was that all about? What was he trying to tell me? What was the Universe trying to tell me?

Then we got busy so I forgot our conversation. But interestingly enough it came back to me this morning during my meditation. And when I started to write my blog, the first sentence that came out was the one I started with, “My husband asked me yesterday if I was tired of writing my blog every day.”

So I decided to explore why our exchange was still with me. To feel it again. To allow myself to release it to the Universe. Surrender it. So it could not hold me captive to my defensiveness, fear and insecurities. I decided to get it out of my system by writing about it.

And what I discovered was writing this blog is really about my growth, my learning, my experiences and my desire to share them with myself and anyone else who wishes to follow me on this, my journey of love and light. Writing my blog is about letting those who care to read my words to remember we are all interconnected in ways we cannot image.

Writing my blog helps me to remember we are here to teach and learn.  Learn and teach. Every day, except Sunday, I write my blog, second after  meditating. After setting my intention for the day. I sit and let my inner voice guide me as effortlessly and as earnestly as it can. Words spilling out on the page before I even know where I am going. It is my moment when I am my authentic self. When I allow my vulnerabilities to guide my creativity without interference or thought. Just going with the flow.

And that is why I write my blog every single day, except Sunday, so I can be at one with me and my path in life. Starting my day with the sound of silence, intention setting, gratitude and writing from my heart and soul. Sending out love and light. How can I ever tire of that? How could that ever be a chore? When it is one of the most sacred and liberating parts of my day.

Accepting my husband’s question was not to offend me but rather to understand me. Understanding he could not relate because it is not his journey to write every day as it is mine. Accepting everyone has their own journey in life and that is why we don’t always understand the whys of someone else’s. Understanding we cannot do anything if we are doing it to please others. That we can only grow by being who we are and doing what we love with passion. And if we are brave enough to share that passion with others, it opens our hearts, minds and soul even more to the gifts and treasures of the Universe.

 And I hope by sharing my journey, my passion, I am opening someone else’s heart , mind and soul too. Namaste. 

The dance of the light

This morning I was treated

To the magic of the light

To the sun dancing

Through my windows

Light

Dark

Light

Almost like a glittering diamond

As it danced

And played through the leaves

Of the trees

Putting a smile on my face

Even in my deepest meditation

I could feel the sun

See it through my closed eyes

Playing with me

Bringing me unexpected joy

Lifting my spirit

Lightening my load

Making me feel warm

And necessary on the inside

Spreading rapidly to how I feel on the outside

Filling me

With the music of the Universe

The music that is present

All the time

In the background

The music that soothes our souls

When we are least aware

I could feel the rhythm of life

The pulse of the universe

Inviting me to join

In the dance of life

Asking me to let go

Be free

So I could surrender

To the sound of the universe

The heart beat that fuels us all

I could feel excitement

Rising in my veins

Pulsing throughout my body

And then just like that

The clouds came

And took away the sun

Took away the dance

The magic

Stole it from my physical awareness

Challenging me to believe

The magic

The light

The sun

The music of the universe

Were still there

Even though I could not feel them

Even though I felt rejected

Because they decided to leave

When I was enjoying them
The most

Becoming at one with them

Overanalyzing why they left me

Allowing the darkness

Doubt and fear

To snatch away my joy

And I thought

Did I over think my joy

Did I cause it to go away

Was I too focused on it

Rather than enjoying it for what it was

Did my expectations become too great

For the moment

Nature

The sun

The light

The universe

Were trying to show me

And then as if answering my prayer

The clouds passed

And the light show began again

Dazzling me

Helping me

Willing me

To accept

The magic of the Universe

The music of the Universe

The dance of the Universe

Is always present

When we

Listen and feel

And appreciate

The beat of our heart

The pulse of our blood

Rushing through our veins

When we hear the voice

Of who we are

We understand

We are the rhythm of the Universe

The beat of the heart

As necessary and needed

As everything and everyone

In our Universe

And we smile

And laugh

 And dance

To its beat

Our beat

Our individual consciousness

Reconnecting

With the Universal consciousness

Allowing us

To embrace the mystery

That is us

The beauty that is us

The dance that is us

The joy that is us
With gratitude
And abundance

Namaste

Only when we stop seeking outside

Until we learn to stop seeking outside

For what we already have inside

Until we learn to trust who we are

For what we are

From the inside

Not the outside

Until we learn to listen to our inner voice

Our inner guide

Shutting out the noise

To hear our intuition

We will always be searching

Always be unsatisfied

Always be jealous

 Vengeful

 Selfish

Judgmental

Forcing ourselves

To live within the confines of scarcity

Shackled by our own

Lack of faith

In ourselves

In the power of our inner voice

Because we start to believe

We are not good enough

Because we can’t see who we are

For what we are

Instead we perceive others to be better than us

We think their lives are better than ours

We become judgmental

Resentful

Angry and lose our way

And once our way is lost

We can read every book on spirituality

Visit every spiritual teacher

Practice every spiritual and soul awakening movement

But

We will not change

Or grow

Instead we become frustrated

Dejected

Afraid

Discouraged by our lack of

Progress

Bitter because of our stagnation

But when we take the time

To sit in silence

To listen to the nothingness

That is all

We hear our guide

Our inner compass telling us

Willing us to believe

And understand

We have all we need inside

All we desire inside

All that is, inside

Allowing us to see

The beauty that we are

The power we possess

The connectedness of us all

The abundance that exists

Opening us to be

Grateful

Harmonious

Compassionate

Empathetic

And full of love

And light

Because we understand

That what we are inside

Helps to shape who we are

On the outside

Helps to build us

Create us

Connect us

Allowing us to see the light

Embrace the light

And be the light

Only when we stop

Seeking outside

Can we know who we are

On the inside

Truly

Honestly

And graciously

Namaste

Be comfortable where you are

Be comfortable where you are

Be happy where you are

Capture the joy where you are

Life is asking us

All the time

Challenging us

To learn from the moment

We are in

To understand and harness

Its lessons

To ride the wave

Of the moment we are in

So we can understand

No matter what happens

No matter how dark it gets

There is always

Hope

Love

Faith

Trust

There is always

Joy in every moment

But first we must learn

To stop

To savour

The moment we are in

Never to return

Never to be repeated

This moment

This beautiful moment

Is exactly what we asked for

Exactly what we craved

Because only we

Can set our intentions

Only we

Can make our choices

Only we

Can climb the mountains of life

Only we

Can crest the waves of change

Because  

We have been given

The power of choice

The power to be

Who we choose to be

So we need to be careful

Of what we ask for

What signals we send

To the Universe

What we constantly say

We don’t want

Because our intentions

Our vibrations

Are what the Universe

Feels

Understands

And reacts to

We are vibrational

Evolutionary beings

Whose frequencies

Set the tone for the world we inhabit

Set the tone for the lives we live

Set the tone for who we are

So when we stop

And silence our minds

It becomes crystal clear

We are

Physical mirrors of that which is

Occurring on the inside

Of our spirits

Of our souls

Physical compilations of

Atoms

Cells

Millions of them

Responding

Reshaping

And rebinding

According to what we

Ask for

What we project

So now I am learning

To focus on what I want

Be grateful for what I have

Letting go of what I do not want

 Surrendering to all the joy

The peace

The love

The understanding

That is with me every single day

When I choose to embrace the moment

When I choose to take

Responsibility for my life

For the place I am in

For the choices I make

Without blame

Without judgement

Knowing if I blame

If I judge

I am only judging

And blaming me

So today and every day

I am trying to consciously

Live my life

In each moment

Embracing it for what it is

Feeling the joy in every moment

So I can live as me

And me alone

With gratitude

Love

Faith

Compassion

Courage

And vulnerability

By being comfortable where I am

Happy where I am

Grateful for where I am

In this moment

This beautiful moment
Joy

Namaste

Spring has sprung

Today is the first day of spring. The Equinox. The time that is most representative of new beginnings and fresh starts. When the darkness of the winter officially gives way to the light. Allowing the rebirth of nature and the welcoming of spring.

Yet this morning I woke up to pouring rain. Dark skies and a hue of red far away. Causing me to question where spring was? Had it forgotten about us? Had it decided not to come? Where were the stars? Why weren't they out shining and twinkling to welcome in spring?  I walked away from the window feeling a bit down because the morning was not what I had envisioned for the first day of new beginnings. For the first day of spring.

And then I did my meditation with Oprah and Deepak Chopra. All about breathing for balance. About accepting that I am one with the breadth of life. Enabling me to consciously slow my breath and feel it flow through me. Feel it circulating throughout my body, mind and soul. Reconnecting me with spirit and all that is, was and ever will be. Repeating to myself the mantra So Hum which means I am.

Soon the darkness that had crept into my soul left me and was replaced with gratitude again. Gratitude for the rain to nourish the trees, flowers and plants. Grateful for the sustenance the rain provides. Grateful for waking up this morning. Grateful for the change in seasons.

Allowing me to be aware that the start of this day was to remind me to set expectations aside. To not be disappointed when the day and life do not turn out the way I was expecting. But rather to embrace the detour for what it is. Accepting I am being led in the direction I asked to be led when I agreed to come back to this physical plain. To let go of what I cannot control and surrender to what I can.

This morning was also to remind me just because there is darkness and rain, behind it is the sun and light. That if I am patient enough and surrender before I know it, the light will come , the rain will stop, the flowers will bloom, the bluebirds will return, the beginning of a new season has come. Because there is a time and place for everything. There is a season for everything. And to every ending there is a new beginning and to every beginning, an ending.

All in the Circle of Life. The breadth of life. I inhaled deeply three times. My spirit lifted. My soul connected back to the source infusing me with possibility, gratitude, love and adventure as my body tingled with joy of all that is, was and ever will be. Knowing I am one with the breath of life. Powerful, liberating and free as long as I remember to connect back to the breadth of life.

Welcome spring regardless of how you arrived. Your time is now. Your season has begun. Namaste.

Inviting joy into our lives without fear

You know I had so many Aha moments in the Brene Brown session with Oprah on Sunday that they are still playing on my mind. And the one I keep hearing again and again is Brene saying, “Joy is the most terrifying emotion we feel as humans.”

Immediately when she said it, I knew it to be true. I felt it in every cell, pore and atom of my body. I felt it from my head right down to my toes and back again. Almost sucking the breath out of me because it hit at my core so deeply. I know when I am experiencing a lot of joy, it’s almost as if I am waiting for the pendulum to swing. As if I am waiting for the penny to drop. Because I don’t believe I am worthy of joy all the time. Sometimes I feel guilty about the amount of joy I have in my life. So I know her statement to be true.

How many times have we received a compliment only to disagree with the giver of the compliment? How many times have we been enjoying ourselves so immensely that we do something to sabotage those feelings? How many times have we been sailing along with work or life in general and we say I better enjoy this because I know it won’t last for too long? All methods of not being in the moment and loving every minute of the joy we are experiencing.

Joy, in my opinion. is right up there with happiness. Elusive. Evasive. Not to be expected but rather appreciated. When joy and happiness show up it is not usually because we went in search of them. No it is because we surrendered to the moment and allowed them into our lives. Without expectation, judgment or fear. We felt ourselves to be worthy enough of the presence of these two very powerful emotions. And before we knew it, there they were side by side in our lives. Beautiful.

Brene went on to say that the cultivation of gratitude and joy is the way home. That not a single person can surrender to joy unless they express gratitude. When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding because we don’t believe we are worthy of it.

Gratitude is a practice. When we actively practice gratitude, we go through the day looking for things that bring us joy. We go through the day and see all the little things that brought us the most joy. And when we do, we stop looking for the extraordinary and begin to see it is the ordinary things in life that bring us the most joy and the most happiness.

When we are incapacitated for some reason or lose someone very close to us, it is not the extraordinary moments we miss the most, it is the ordinary every day gestures we miss the most. Like someone’s smell, their touch, their embrace, their voice. The ability to get up and walk outside independently.

I know I have been practicing gratitude every day for the last 16 years. At the end of every single day, I write in my grateful journal about my day. About the things that brought me the most joy and the most happiness and it always begins with my family and waking up. Everything else comes after that. Not the extraordinary because it is not every day that I experience something extraordinary to be grateful for. But what I have discovered over time is it is the ordinary that brings me the most joy because it is there within my reach every single day as long as I am living and breathing.

And because of my practice of gratitude, I find I am more open to experience joy than I ever have been in my life and with each day that I do my sense of guilt for having joy in my life diminishes. And on those days when guilt creeps back in, when I write my grateful journal, I shift out of guilt back into joy.

So if we want to experience more joy in our lives, we have to learn to practice gratitude every single day. Make it a part of our daily routine. Only then will we truly see there is joy in our lives every single day. Not from the extraordinary. Rather it is there in our ordinary, everyday life. Appreciating our every day allows us to stop fearing joy. Making room for us to accept it as part of who we are. Truly are. Namaste.

Daring greatly with @BreneBrown and @Oprah

Yesterday’s Super Soul Sunday was one of the best I've seen in a while.  Daring Greatly with Brene Brown allowed me to reconnect with my vulnerabilities. To accept them as normal. To not resist them. To not fear them. Nor suppress them. Rather to accept that without them I would not have the strength to enter the arena and live my truth.

Without vulnerability, I would not be brave enough nor have the courage enough to grow and change and to accept myself for who I am. Brene opened with this very powerful quote by Teddy Roosevelt, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

And when she spoke those words, something deep within me stirred. Something deep within me awakened as if stoked again by the words of a man who did many great things speaking through Brene to remind me that in order to step out of life’s mediocrity, I have to be brave and afraid in the same second (words spoken by Brene). That in order to be in the arena, I have to be willing to stare in the face of the critic(s) and keep doing even when I am afraid. Even when they try to tear me down. Even when they try to hurt me on a deep level.

It is only then will I know my own strengths. Fully live my own story. And accept myself for who I am. When I shrink away from the arena because I am afraid of failure. Afraid of being exposed for who I am then I am not living my truth and I have no right to criticize anyone who is brave enough to take a stance. Brave enough to be who they are where they are. Powerful message.

I had so many Aha moments in Brene’s session with Oprah yesterday that I lost count. I felt my body tingling over and over again as cells were reignited from the words of this woman. Making me feel like Alicia Keys new song, “This girl is on fire. This girl is on fire.”

Knowing  I was led to Brene and Oprah yesterday so I could have the courage to be vulnerable because vulnerability is the cornerstone for confidence. Brene reminded me that I can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability as it is the key to having meaningful human experiences. Vulnerability is the only door to openness. The only door to authenticity.

And that is why I start every day writing this blog. Exposing myself to whomever wants to journey with me as I journey with myself. As I navigate through my own fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities. I do so with courage which incidentally means to share all of yourself with your whole heart and that’s exactly what I do. I now know the reason I do is because deep down inside I have always known but was not consciously aware that vulnerability is the birthplace of everything. There is no innovation or creativity without failure.

And most of all I have always known but was not consciously aware that vulnerability is letting go of the need for certainty which ultimately opens me up to uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Feelings I often express in my writing. Feelings I explore every single day with the publishing of my blog. Allowing myself and others to see into my core, my heart, my deepest fears and thoughts. Exposing who I truly am so I can heal and grow. So I can learn and teach.

Vulnerability allows me to know and understand and come back to faith on those days when all around me seems bleak and ugly. When I start to feel the need to hoard and protect, it is those days when I have to go back to my core. Back to vulnerability to know there is more than enough in this world to go around and there is no need to hoard. Rather it is better to share. To give so that I can move away from the scarcity so prevalent in our society. Expressing gratitude for everything, no matter how simple they may seem in my life. For it is those simple things that bring us the greatest joy and satisfaction and life.

And when I do only then will I be able to dare greatly. To have the courage to step into the arena armed with my own authenticity. Claiming me for who I am. Daring greatly. Namaste Brene Brown. Namaste Oprah for providing a platform for the arena to be re-erected. Amen.

Each one of us is a radiant being @Oprah

How many times have we looked in the mirrors and hated what we saw looking back at us. Chastising ourselves for the physical reflection of who we are so much that we end up hating our bodies which in turn translates to us hating ourselves. Hiding from the image of who we are. Hiding from the physical reflection of who we are. Shrinking away from the full life we are meant to be living.

I know I have done it from time to time. Angry. Disappointed with the image I see in the mirror. Wishing for the physical image of what I looked like as a teenager, twenty something year old. And I realize what happens when I do this. I end up feeding myself junk because I feel like junk. I end up eating chocolate and sweets because as Larry Trott asked me one day, “What sweet is missing in your life that you are filling yourself up with artificial sweet?” At first I was offended by his statement but when I reflected on it, I realized how true his question was. I was depriving myself of the sweetness that I have naturally within me because I did not like the way I looked so instead I was filling myself with junk stuff to try to fill the void.

Doing the 21 day Oprah and Deepak Chopra challenge today brought those concerns to the forefront of my mind when Oprah said, “Each one of us is a radiant being. Beautiful and perfect as we are created. Exactly as we are.” Powerful words.

If we step back and think about it, we each came here in the physical bodies we asked for. To learn the lessons we need to learn. And sometimes it means we have to be overweight, underweight, be paralyzed, have no legs, or arms, large breasts, small breasts, blind, deaf, serious illnesses, etc, etc. Because we chosen to learn that lesson and when we try to change what we asked to come here to learn, we find we frustrate ourselves because our bodies have a memory. And no matter how many deprivation diets we go on. No matter how many miracle doctors we go to to correct our problem, if that is not the lesson we came here to learn, we will find our bodies going back to where they are meant to be so we can learn the self love we asked for.

We need to start seeing ourselves as the sacred beings that we are. Created by something much larger than ourselves and live our lives as we feel from the depths of our hearts. When something is too difficult or we are struggling too much, it is not meant for us. So we have to learn to let it go. To surrender it and embrace with gratitude and love where we find ourselves.

What we need to do is change our programming. Change the internal messages we are sending ourselves to saying as Deepak Chopra says,

“I am whole. I am beautiful, I am perfect . Just as I am.”

Only then will we be able to create the feedback loops that send positive messages throughout our cells and body allowing us to embrace and acknowledge our flaws, nurture them. So they will feel better making us feel better because we have acknowledged them and fed them with love and gratitude in order for us to say with conviction and belief that,

“I am perfection. I am healthy. I am strong.” As I am where I am every single day of my life. And only then will be representative of the beauty that is within me when I embrace my physical flaws as they are for the joy, lessons and gifts they bring into my life every single day. Namaste.

Remembering the power of choice on a special day

This morning I woke up with such love. Such peace. Such joy. It is the day my first born came into the world. My world. My husband’s world. Enlarging our family and our capacity for love.

I woke up with a warmth flowing through me as I remembered the day fourteen years ago when my son and I first met physically because I know we have always been connected spiritually. Remembering the wonder and fear I felt when our eyes met. Remembering the rush of feelings as clear as if it was today.

Marveling at how quickly those fourteen years have sped by. Yes my son is now 14 and I am still in awe of how quickly life has changed. How he has changed but at the core has remained the same. How we have changed but at the core remained the same .

Reflecting on how our family is a family of love and giving and it started with the love of my husband and me first. Building the foundation upon which a loving family could grow and flourish. And continues with each day that we make the choice to love instead of resist. To go with the flow rather than trying so hard to create an outcome. How we learn the power of choice to let in negativity or let go and allow space for positivity in our lives.

It is also the day that my mother in law was born some 86 year ago in cold and rainy Gateshead, England, a world far away from the world my son was born into fourteen years ago, in sunny Bermuda. I thought about their connection this morning. Spirits reconnecting some 72 years later. Continuing on a journey that started before the physical one began. And I smiled because their births, both on the Ides of March, are to remind me there are no coincidences in life. Everything that happens is meant to happen to help us on our journey called life.

As I was bursting with feelings of love, I sat down to do Day 5 of the 21 day meditation challenge with Oprah and Deepak Chopra and was overjoyed to find this quote, “Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” Marcus Aurelius. And I exhaled. Knowing the Universe is shining down on me and my family. Asking us to always see the beauty of life even when it is showing us its ugly side. To remember the stars are always there for us, bringing light to our darkest night.

Telling us as Ms. Oprah so eloquently said in the run up to the meditation, “In every moment, we have the power to choose our attitudes and reaction to every situation and person we encounter. With every experience we are painting our canvas. Thought by thought. Choice by choice.  When we approach our lives with a sense of openness, we begin to embrace that co creative power of mind and body and become more tuned to choices that nurture us physically, mentally, spiritually. ..So making the most nourishing choice is the both a practice and an opportunity for us to grow."

Powerful words on a wonderful day full of love for me. Helping me to remember the power of choice is the key to a healthy mind that creates a healthy body. And allows us the capacity to love unconditionally. As I do my husband, son, and daughter because I am learning from them the power of choice. The power of love.

What a beautiful lesson on the day of the birth of my mother-in-law and son. A day of love, joy, and a healthy mind and body. 

Happy birthday to my beautiful and handsome son. My young man. And to my mother-in-law, the woman who gave me my husband and father of my children. Filling my heart, soul, spirit and home with an ever changing and growing love. Fuelled by the power of choice. The power of love. Namaste

Accepting life is changing me. Growing me

When we are at our most uncertain

That is when life is changing us

Growing us

Testing our will

As to what it is 

We really want out of life

Even when we feel like we can’t go on 

Anymore

That everything around us is too daunting

Too overwhelming

That is when life is growing us

 Changing us

Even when we feel like no one is on our side

And we are fighting a losing battle

That is when life is changing us

Growing us

Even when we feel like there is no sun

Only twilight

That is when life is changing us

Growing us

Reminding us

There is always light 

In some part of the world

The world we are a part of

It’s just not our time to see it

But when the time is right

The light will come back to us

It always does

Because it is there for us all

So on those days when we want to stay in bed

Hide from the world

Silence our cravings and desires

That’s when life is calling to us

Asking us to stop resisting what is meant to be

Asking us to stop using our brains

Telling us to use our hearts

Our inner voices

Our intuition

To guide us to where we are meant to be

Whispering to us

To remember

In our greatest periods of uncertainty

We become the caterpillar

Who goes deep within its cocoon

And there we rest

In the darkness

Almost as if we have died

And then when the time is right

We struggle through the painful metamorphosis

Squeezing ourselves out of our cocoon

Taking the time necessary for our transformation to occur

Not rushing it

Not taking too long

So when we emerge

Our wings are ready

Our body has reshaped

Allowing our mind to accept

We are no longer a caterpillar

But a butterfly now

Giving us the capacity

To look out and over our new horizon

And spread our wings

Trusting our new bodies

Our new form

And we take off

And fly

As if we have done it all our lives

Letting us know

The darkness

The struggle

Are all necessary

For our evolution

And transformation

And if we don’t resist

We transform and grow

Into who we are meant to be

With gratitude and love

So today even in the midst of

Darkness and struggle

I accept

Life is changing me

Growing me

From who I was

To who I am

Capable of being.

Namaste

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift

Who is in charge of my life? Who makes the decisions in my life? How did I get on the path I find myself on?

In Day 3 of the Deepak Chopra and Oprah 21 day meditation challenge, Deepak Chopra quoted from Einstein something so profound that I nearly stopped breathing because it resonated with me on such a deep and profound level. And what he said was this,

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. The rational mind is a faithful servant.”

He then went on to say we have created a society where we honour the servant and forget the gift. Wow. I instantly felt what he was saying at a very deep level. We honour the servant but forget the gift. A statement I was meant to hear because my whole being tingled when I heard it. Telling my mind, body and spirit to pay attention. To take heed. To understand.

We are so bombarded with outside influences on an instant and constant basis – the Internet, television, movies, computer games, etc, etc. We have become such a visually stimulated society that we give our intuitive voice very little time to be heard and acknowledged.

We are so busy being busy that we give ourselves so little time to go into the stillness. So little time to block out the external distractions and noise that we often can’t hear or feel  the gift of our intuitive minds because our rational minds have become so much more dominant. Our society is constantly telling us what we should do, what we should look like, what we should read, what we should anticipate and what we should believe. Creating for us images that are not sustainable nor pleasurable over the long term. Creating a falseness that destroys our core. Destroys our essence selves by placing us purely in the physical rather than in the spiritual. And the way our society does it is through creating fear and self loathing.

By making us believe the world is so dangerous. Showing us the conflict and strife in our world, the scarcity. Making us believe we are inadequate. Rather than showing us the abundance , the peace makers, the beauty that surrounds us every day. Instead we are bombarded with bad news. Putting us in flight mode rather than right mode so we use our rational minds to make decisions for us rather than the intuitive mind.

In order to come back to the questions I asked initially, who is in charge of my life? Who makes the decisions in my life? How do I find myself on this path? I know for sure after this meditation that 

only I am responsible for my life. Only I am to blame or to applaud for the choices I make. Either by listening to or going against my intuition. Either by being someone that feels good to me or trying to be someone that feels good to others. And knowing with each choice I make, my mind, body and spirit will respond by being in balance or by being totally out of balance.

To be balanced and live the life I am meant to live, I need to give myself time to shut off my rational mind every single day and focus on my intuitive mind. To bring my mind, body and spirit back into alignment I need to honour the gift of my intuitive mind and allow my rational mind to be the faithful servant it is meant to be.

Only then will my mind, body and spirit be in perfect sync. And only then will I feel content with the decisions I make, the choices I make and the path I take. Only then will I be free.

Because I will remember and respect that the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. And I will live by the power of the natural order and flow of the Universe given to me at all times by the wisdom and direction of the third eye – my intuitive mind. Wow. What power I have when I go within and not without. Namaste.

@Sheryl Sandberg, the lightning rod for change

Sheryl Sandberg, the lightning rod for women’s issues. Every once in a while someone emerges as the lightning rod - the one to take the strike in order for the rest of us to sit up and pay attention. To become aware. To dialogue. Whether she wanted to or not, Sheryl Sandberg has emerged as that person, that woman, the one to take the lightning strike to open the dialogue about women, between women, and for women. To open the dialogue about where we fit in the Corporate white male Boy’s Club, where we sit on Boards, whether we want to or not. Or whatever way we want to lean – whether in or out.

I have to admit the first time I had ever heard of Sheryl Sandberg was when she interviewed Oprah on Facebook. I watched the interview because it was about Oprah. Not expecting to be equally enamored by this woman Sheryl Sandberg. But I was just as mesmerized with her as I was with Oprah. Not easily done let me tell you. Oprah is way up there in my estimation.

Yet Sandberg’s  presence was just as dynamic as Oprah’s. Her poise refreshing. Her sense of awe of Oprah surprising. But most of all I was struck by how articulate, direct, playful and complex her personality was. A woman of presence. In command of who she is and what she wants.

And then I lost sight of her. Every once in a while she emerged again but not in as high a profile as she has reemerged this time with her controversial book called Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. I once again have to admit when I first heard about her book and her stance; I was irritated that she had become the lightning rod for women’s issues. Irritated that she was quoted as saying it was easy for women to lean in rather than out. Hearing her comments from third party sources without hearing them from her directly had caused me to condemn this woman. Jumping on the bandwagon of how disappointed I was in a woman like Sandberg who has the ability to really light up the world with the power of women making such sweeping and damning statements about women. Leaving room for interpretation, misrepresentation and hysteria on my behalf and lots of other women as has been the case with Sandberg.

And then I watched her being interviewed on 60 Minutes and my whole opinion and outlook on her changed. Once again I saw the woman I saw who interviewed Oprah. I saw the woman who is just like me deep down inside. A woman who embodies the spirit of every woman.  The same vulnerabilities, insecurities and guilt. She may have reached dizzying heights in her career at the young age of 43 but she still grapples, as do many of us women, with feelings of guilt of trying to find the balance between motherhood and career, career and wife, career and work life balance. If such Nirvana actually does exist.

I saw in Sandberg’s eyes the desire to be accepted, respected, liked, and validated as do we all. And most of all I saw and heard a women not advocating that every woman has to ‘lean in’, I saw quite the contraire. I saw a woman who wants to empower those women who do want to ‘lean in’ with the tools to be able to do so.

Unlike the articles that have been printed about her, the stories that have been hitting the airwaves, the cover of Time magazine depicting Sandberg as creating a cat fight with women, Sheryl is not trying to do any of that. She is not trying to pit women against each other. Nor is she trying to make women feel bad for the choices we have made. I discovered she is using her influence, her high profile position, to draw attention to the plight of women who want to ‘lean in’ but can’t and wonder why not.

She is drawing attention to the fact that women should not be afraid to negotiate higher salaries, contribute in  meetings, accept and embrace our worthiness and be proud of who we are where we are for what we are. That we should not shrink into the background and not be seen if we want to make it into boardrooms and C-Suites. That our contributions are just as worthy as those of our male counterparts. And we should speak and act with authority without apology and without guilt if our choice is to 'lean in'.

So Sheryl I thank you for being the lightning rod to open the dialogue again. To take the strike for all the women who choose to ‘lean in’. And for all the women who choose not to for whatever reason, let’s still rally together to help to raise up and offer the women who do. To assist them with the tools and support they need to penetrate the invisible glass ceiling that has come back with a vengeance so they too can help pave the way for the changing workforce. So they can be invaluable contributors to the global and diversifying workforce.

 I applaud you Sheryl for being the lightning rod, the catalyst for change, for taking the strike necessary to change the makeup of the Boardrooms and C-suite globally. For bringing the plight of women into the minds of those who take our contributions for granted.

I am rallying behind you, for you and beside you because you are every woman just as I am as she is as are we all. ‘Leaning in’ with support and grace. Strength in numbers. United we stand. Divided we fall. Namaste.

A Prayer for me 3.11.13

3.11.10 My life changed in an instant. In a flash. It was 3 years ago today that I discovered I was about to be made redundant for the first time in my life. The job and staff I had worked hard to help create for two years was about to be suddenly and abruptly pulled out from under me. Without warning. Without preparation. In a very public and humiliating way. Turning my world upside down. Causing me to pause. To stop. To try to figure out what it is that I want from life.

So I did. I stopped. I paused. I contemplated. Allowed myself to feel a myriad of emotions, feelings, and aspirations. And before I knew it I was writing, walking, existing and then my period of contemplation and introspection was over and I was back in my career at the place where I first began in Bermuda. Going backwards to go forwards.

And here I sit three years later still grappling with the whys and the what fors. Still grappling with what I was meant to learn from that experience that has brought me back to where I began. When I look around at the people in my space, I see there are many who I need to complete the circle of life with because they are back in my life. Back in my career as if we are riding the same wave together. As if we are meant to share this life experience together. Our relationships have shifted in some cases. Our roles reversed. Allowing each one of us to see the view from the other’s perspective. Allowing each of us to contemplate how the choices we make put us where we are.

I sit here three years later still feeling like I am on shaky ground. Wondering whether I am doing what I am meant to be doing. Wondering whether the choices I have made are mine or those of others. Whether I am still placating the needs of others before my own.

So I closed my eyes this morning when I realized the date. The date that has resonated with a place deep down inside me and this is what I heard from that place of stillness,

There is more to life

Life is screaming at me

You have so much more to give

Life is screaming at me

Why are you hiding behind the limitations imposed upon you by others

Life is screaming at me

It’s time to step out of life’s mediocrity and onto the path of unlimited possibility

Life is screaming at me

Onto the path where your talents shine and are meant to shine

Life is screaming at me

Away from the place where people try to make you feel less than who you are

Life is screaming at me

To the place where opportunities are everywhere

Life is screaming at me

To the place of unlimited choices

Life is screaming at me

To the place where people accept there is universal abundance

Life is screaming at me

Okay life I answer back

Stop screaming at me

Please

Okay I answer back

Okay I answer back

Again

And Again

I am open

Willing

And able to step on to the path of unlimited possibility

Open

Ready

Willing and able

Today is 3.11.13

Three years later

I commit to pure existence

Pure love

Pure acceptance

Of the abundance the Universe has to offer

Giving as much as I receive

Letting go of the scarcity mentality

Letting go of old belief systems

Embracing the concept that there is more than enough for all of us

Accepting

I am more than worthy of receiving

So I commit

To stepping out of my own way

To allow all that is meant to be

To be

For me

Unapologetically and unequivocally

Amen.

Like the butterfly

Breaking routines today and it feels so good. So liberating. Just being as my body, mind and spirit wants. Lying in bed for ages letting thoughts run through my mind. Not trying to process them. Not trying to find meaning to my life. Just being. And thinking and letting my body relax.

Seeing the sun come and go through my blinds as the clouds covered the sun shutting out the light. Plunging everything into darkness.  Listening to the downpour of torrential rain. Then hearing the howling wind as it pushed the clouds aside after the downpour to bring the sun and its light back again. A rhythm every few minutes. Light. Dark. Rain. Wind. Light. Dark. Wind Rain. Light. And on and on.

Marveling at life. The whole process of light and dark. Thinking about how my bedroom had been dark just hours before then it was flooded with light. Changing the perspective and shapes on my walls. The shadows replaced with light. Thinking life really is full of changes and the more I am able to embrace change the better I am.

The more I learn to grow and change as each day does rather than standing still and wondering why I am not satisfied with life, the better I am. The more I challenge myself to be what I feel inside rather than what the outside world wants me to be, the better I am.

Just like day turns to night. Night turns to day. Clouds give way to the sun. The sun giving way to the clouds. The wind blows . The wind stops. So do we. We are constantly being asked to be what we are here to be so all we need do is get out of our own way and be all that we are meant to be. All I need do is get out of my own way and be all I am meant to be.

And that’s what changing my routine this morning did for me. It allowed me the space, the scope to listen to me. To not be in the same pattern I am always in allowing room for new thoughts and perspectives to enter my space. To allow the butterflies that exist within me all the time to morph and spread their wigs. To feel the full space of infinity that exists within me all the time. Opening me up to the more that exists every single day within me.

Breaking routines this morning. Not pressuring myself to be anywhere, to do anything except to be with me and my thoughts was one of the most precious gifts I could give to myself today.

And for taking the time this morning to stop. To just be. To enjoy me. To love me. Filled me with such satisfaction and love it is difficult to articulate. But I know sometimes the greatest gifts we can ever give are the gifts that no one else can see, touch, feel or hear. They are the gifts that come from deep, deep within that allow us to be free to be who we are.

Here’s to a wonderful and joy filled weekend. Even with the wind blowing, the clouds obscuring the sun, the rain and the darkness, I know there is an infinite field of love and light that exists within me every single day of my life. When I am willing to surrender to who I am for what I am where I am, I become the most beautiful butterfly with the biggest and brightest wings. Embracing my dreams and living as I am meant to live and love. As I am today. Namaste.

The howling wind and letting go

Why is the sound of the wind so unnerving. So jarring. So unsettling. Why is it that it pulls me out of my deepest sleep? Causing me to sit up and listen. Objects crashing.  Unknown. Breaking. Scattering. Swirling sounds. Unrest. Chaos. Pandemonium.

Why does the wind make me feel jittery. On edge? When it is a part of nature just like me.

Why is the sound so violent? Like a freight train speeding by my windows when it is a part of nature just like me?

Why does the wind come for days at a time? Destroying. Ripping the leaves off the trees. Burning them until they die. What is the purpose of the wind? Why does it leave me feeling uneasy?

The past few days, like the wind, my insides have been in a whirl. Being tossed around.  Upside down. Inside out. I feel like I am being blown away just like the leaves speeding past my window. Everything around me is moving so fast while I am standing still. Being assaulted by the wind. No matter how hard I try to stop the chaos around me, I have no strength. No power to do so. So I stand in the wind. Windswept. Exhausted and tired.

Contemplating there is no other sound like the sound of the howling wind. No other sound that makes me feel so vulnerable. What will it destroy? What will it ruin? What am I meant to do to get out of the howling wind? Have I brought the wind here? Caused it to kick up? Who do I think I am?

Why do we have the wind for days at a time? Blowing, Howling. Pushing. Mixing with the North air so it is chilly. Cutting. Unforgiving.

What is the purpose of the howling wind? Does anyone know? And why does it come and stay for so long?

I woke up this morning with the sound of the wind as I went to sleep with it last night. Its pounding and relentless nature forcing me to questions why it is so unsettling for me? So I decided to explore my apprehension and fears about the wind. Only to discover the wind unnerves me because it is something I cannot see except for it blowing the leaves and trees. Bending them near to the ground like they are reeds rather than trees. Showing me its brute force.

I accept the wind unnerves me because I cannot really feel it until it slices across my check. Its chill penetrating my skin forcing me to wrap up tight. Showing me its might. I cannot touch it but I know it’s there because it rips things out of my hands if I don’t hold on tight. Rips flowers off the trees. Destroys that which does not yield to its might.

I stop and inhale deeply. Quieting the confusion and noise in my brain so I can truly absorb the wind and then I smell it, feel it.  Its scent like a fresh ocean breeze. Atmosphere. Ozone. Fresh. But yet it still unnerves me. Why ?

Inhaling once again and this time with a long exhale. And then I allow myself to go into the silence. The silence that always exists even in the howling wind and I embrace it. I close my eyes and that’s when I hear, I am afraid of the wind, unnerved by the wind because I have no control over what the wind will do, what the wind will feel like, when it comes and when it goes. I realize it is an abstract part of nature that exists but can’t be touched even though it is felt. I realize it is because it is cleansing the atmosphere. Sweeping away all that is no longer necessary. Making space for all the new.

Making things ugly before they can become beautiful. Making space for the new while getting rid of the old. And that’s why the wind affects me so much because it reminds me that in order to move to the new, to embrace what is I must let go of what isn’t. Loosen my grip on all the things I can’t control and let the wind carry them away to where they are meant to be. And bring forth that which is meant to be.

I inhale and exhale again knowing the wind is here to remind me to let go of everything I no longer need so they flutter away gently in the breeze rather than being ripped out of my hands. So I let go and let be in honour and respect of the wind and the infinite source of abundance. I trust and let go. Namaste.

A lesson in faith

Yesterday morning I met the most amazing young man. My taxi drier from Armenia. He had just completed his night job as Head Valet and was starting his second job driving taxi for the day. And I had the pleasure of engaging him in conversation by asking him when he ever sleeps.

By asking that question, I opened the door for nearly an hour of enlightenment from my unexpected angel. My inspiration from an unexpected source. Reminding me to never judge anyone until you have walked in his shoes. My taxi driver was born in Jordan but grew up in Iraq and because he was Christian rather than Muslim, his existence and his families existence was not easy.

His mother died from cancer when he was twelve years old. His father, he said, never got over the death of his mother so within four months he followed her dying of a broken heart. He told me how every day after his mother’s death, his father would say your mother is coming for me. She came for me last night in my dream, and soon I will be with her. And so said so done. His father died leaving him and two sisters and a brother.

My taxi driver was only twelve years old but had to get his father prepared for the funeral. In doing so he missed three days of school. On his return he was trying to find out what he had missed and because he was Christian and living in a Muslim country, he attended a school with Muslim teachers. His teacher became angry with him for speaking in class and basically called him a waste just like his father and berated the twelve year old broken boy so much that he snapped and beat the teacher to a pulp. The teacher was taken to the hospital and my taxi driver was thrown out of school. But worse he was forced to flee because his teacher was from a respectable Muslim family. And because of what he had done to the teacher, my taxi driver had put his life in danger.

He existed on the fringes of society for quite some time. Unemployable. Stateless and lost. But never lost his faith and belief in miracles. And then three years ago he sought refugee status in the United States as a result of a dream he had showing the name Houston. He was granted asylum in the United States . In Houston no less.

He entered the United States three years ago speaking no English. From a different culture.  A different world. Understanding no one. But because he has tremendous faith and trust in God, he just prayed and asked for guidance until he worked his way up from being a stock person in a shop to head valet at a major hotel. He also owns his own taxi that is paid off. And he supports his sisters back in Jordan by sending them money every week.

Despite all the adversity he has been through. Despite the hard knocks. Despite the path he has been given, not once did I hear my taxi driver complain. Not once did I hear him try to blame anyone for the tragedy he has endured. Not once did he feel sorry for himself or ask for pity.

Instead he looks at life as a gift. A gift from God. He said everything happens for a reason. Everything is in God’s hands. He doesn't worry. He just knows that if he acts from a place of purity and is always giving, he will always receive back what he gives and then some. And life has shown him that on many occasions. He does not lose faith.

He asks God for what he wants and then goes about doing and when the time is right he is always rewarded according to how he has lived. I got out of the taxi with that young man yesterday morning feeling like I had been in the presence of an angel.  A messenger from the Universe. A man of faith. A sage wise beyond his years reminding me to behold all the abundance that surrounds me. To be grateful for everything that comes my way and to be open and receptive to the gifts and treasures of the Universe because in doing so I am opening myself to receive the love and light that is ever present in our Universe. Allowing me to  shine that love and light on others as well. As my taxi driver did for me yesterday morning.

Life may not be easy. Life may take us down paths we never dreamed possible. But when I meet people like my taxi driver yesterday who has had to find his way since he was twelve years old and still retain the twinkle of possibility I saw shining in his eyes, I know the Universe is reminding me that life is all about the choices I make even in my greatest adversity. Life is about faith, love and trust.

Remembering always as Emmanuel Teney says, “ As your faith is strengthened, you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.”  Namaste

Without purpose, there is no true happiness or success

Happiness is not something that can be pursued. Rather it is that which is found when we are at peace with ourselves and with the world. Happiness is not measured by material gain or loss. Not by power or lack thereof. Not by privilege or poverty.
Happiness just is. It can not be measured. Contained or contemplated for too long because once we think it, we lose it to our subconscious. Because we begin to overanalyse the state we are in. We try to find out why we are happy in the moment rather than being happy all the time. Trying too hard to contain it rather than glory in it.
Happiness comes when we least expect it. When we let go of all expectation and reason. It comes when we sit and contemplate the rain. When we listen to the birds. When we accept we are one in the same and there is really no seperation between any of us. Happiness is not something that is meant to be constant because the only constant in our lives is change.
So when we spend all of our days searching for happiness, like the butterfly it will elude us because happiness is not found. It just is. The pursuit of happiness versus the pursuit of meaning has been playing on my mind for the last few days spurred first by a post about a man who helped to change my life many years ago. A man I never met. A man whose experience was so far from mine yet we shared a common bond that goes back to the search for meaning - our search for our place in the world. And it came from a very wise Jewish man who endured the Holocast and came out not as a bitter man but as a better and changed man. A grown man called Viktor Frankl.
Viktor Frankl came into my life when I was first discovering Spirituality and the quest for more meaning in my life. For some reason I was drawn to his story. Only to discover it was because I was on the same journey - trying to find meaning in my life. Once I read his story, I knew I was being led to him for a reason. To learn that no matter who I may blame for my shortcomings or dislike because of theirs, the person I am really grappling with is none other than myself.
So whenever I am confronted by hostile situations, I listen carefully to the words being spoken and then I ask myself is this situation about me or is it about the person who is accusing. When I believe it is more about the person, I know no matter how much I may try to explain my perspective, until that person is ready to see the battle is coming from within himself or herself, I will never make any progress so I walk away and leave the person to deal with his or her own demons.
And the same is true about me. If I find I am defensive and attacking another, I know it is because there is a deep rooted fear within me that is coming to light to allow me to learn more about myself. To face my own demons. Often very difficult to recognise and even more difficult to accept and change.
Then Viktor Frankl left me again only to come back to me yesterday through a blog posted by a mother, Devon Corneal, on Huffington Post called, The Pursuit of Happiness. This mother wrote from her heart that she did not want her children to pursue happiness because in her opinion it is fleeting but what she did want her children to pursue is meaning. Her article resonated with me so much because I knew it was Viktor Frankl speaking to me again.
Asking me to remember more than anything the search for purpose, for meaning in this life is the only means to happiness because without purpose, I will never know true happiness. Asking me to remember always,
“Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Even on our most turbulent days, there is always a blue sky

On Sunday morning I took off from Bermuda. Flying directly into torrential rain. Obscuring the window with what looked like a river as we sliced through the downpour. Just like that what was right in front of me was no longer available for me to see. Hidden in plain sight.
We rose into the clouds taking even more light out of the already darkened day. And then we were engulfed in clouds - heavy dark clouds. Shrouding us in the heaviness of their clutch. Pushing and tossing the airplane  as if the airplane was a tinker toy. Showing us the might of nature against the inventions of men. Of all that is there and was there before us and will be there long after we are gone.
At first I was afraid. Nervous because of the turbulence and the heavy clouds. I am always nervous when I fly without my family. But then I said a silent prayer to the Universe to allow me to accept what is and to let go of what I can not control. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Allowing myself to drift into the nothingness that is all. And when I woke up, we were flying high about the clouds - in the beauty and vastness that exists high above us at all times. The sky blue and endless and I felt a tremendous sense of peace wash over me.
I whispered a silent thanks to the Universe for answering my prayers. Thanking it for allowing me to see first hand even on those days when we can't see far ahead. When all around us is turbulent and dark. When the rain is obscuring our vision. When our plans become dishevelled, if we are patient enough and have faith and trust,  the pathway will clear. The clouds will dissipate. The rain will stop and we will see the beauty of what always exists. What is always there even when we can't see it. Allowing us to understand why we had to experience the pain, the upset, the hurt, the turbulence and the unknowingness.
Life takes us on journeys far away from what we are comfortable with in order for us to grow. Takes us through the turbulence and the rain so we can appreciate the calm and the sun. So we can appreciate that leaving people, place and things is just what we need in order to make way for the more that is available to us all. That sometimes we grow in different directions.
And once I got this and looked out the window, the clouds below us had changed from gray to white - patchy not heavy, allowing me to see the ocean below. Letting me know I am on  a journey, an ever changing one, constantly evolving so I can embrace the magnificence that I am and was sent here to be. And to know even on my most turbulent days, there is always a blue sky ready to return when the time is right. Namaste.