We are all learning

Last night my son made me so mad that I walked out of his room and slammed the door. I was angry more because he rejected me and my ideas. Angry and afraid because I feel he is starting to don his wings in preparation for his transition from childhood to adulthood. Embarrassed because he was the adult at that moment and I was the child. Ashamed because I had hurt him probably more than he had hurt me.

I walked into the kitchen with all these thoughts racing through my mind. Then I remembered a passage I had read the other day when I went to Yoga. I went to my bag to find it and read it out loud over and over again until I calmed down,

 “We are all learning. Do not deny anyone because they are on a different path. We are all learning, If someone asks, simply share what you know. If that person wants to do the same thing, fine, if not, fine too. With such an attitude you will learn to love everyone, respect everyone, and there will be harmony in your life.”

The anger, embarrassment, and shame crept out of my being and I walked back into my son’s room only to find him crying because I had hurt him. He apologised to me despite me acting like the child. I apologised to him telling him that though I am his mother I am still human and have feelings too. That I can be hurt too. I told him every word I speak to him is to try to guide him through life not to hamper his growth. I told him it’s probably difficult for him to grasp at this stage but one day when he becomes a parent he will understand that all parents are doing the best they can. We hugged each other tight and told each other we love each other.

Once I apologised to him, I received a gift from the Universe when I came across a YouTube video of a singer called Aloeblacc shared by Deepak Chopra. He was singing a song called, “Mama Hold my hand”. It was one of the most touching and beautiful songs I have ever heard recorded. More so because it was a message sent to me from the Universe to help me to understand that my children want me to hold their hand in the beginning because they don’t know how to cross the road by themselves. Towards the adolescence stage, exactly where my son is now, they will not want to hold my hand because they think they can cross the street by themselves. And I have to let them so they can stumble and fall on their own. To allow them to come back to me and ask for me to hold their hand again as they learn to cross the road of responsibility – careers, marriage, parenthood. And I will willing hold their hand so that when it comes time for me to need them to hold my hand because I am no longer strong enough to cross the street on my own, they will willingly come and take my hand and walk me across the street.

Life is a full circle process where we are all learning. Guiding, Helping. Teaching, Loving and Accepting. Roles reversing all the time, so we can teach and be taught. And sometimes we have to accept our children are just as much our teachers as we are theirs. Fulfilling all roles in this circle of life.  Accepting we are all learning. Always.