Yesterday I was admiring this beautiful woman seated in a chair. Her face chalky white. Her hair raven. Her eyes like charcoal and a smile that lit up the room. There was something about her that drew me to her - a reticence behind her eyes. A timidness about her soul. I could not quite put my finger on it but there was something that made me stare at her for a long time.
I thought how lucky she is to be so beautiful. I felt somewhat intimidated by her beauty. Small in her presence. And then she stood up. Well reached for her walking stick to help her to get out of the chair, shattering my image of who she was and what she was. I was shocked. Floored to be honest. She reached for a walking stick that had been in plain sight but never in my wildest dreams did I think it was for this beautiful woman seated next to me. I had not seen the stick before because I had not expected for her to have one particularly with a face like hers. I had judged her to be this beautiful woman who surely had the world at her beck and call. So blinded by my perception of her that I did not see the whole of her.
When she finally steadied herself and got her stick so she could stand, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. I had thought she was tall and thin - everything most women dream to be. Only to discover when she was sitting in the chair, her legs were hidden so I could not see that the bulk of her height was in her trunk. Deceiving me of her true height because her legs were very short. So short that she had to almost jump down from the chair to reach the ground, with the assistance of her stick.
She was no taller than my 11 year old and needed her stick to help her to walk. My whole perception of this woman completely shattered by what I thought I was seeing in the mirror only for it to be a total untruth. I chastised myself for being shocked by this woman because I had misjudged her thinking she was so beautiful that she was perfect. Only to decide in my eyes and possibly to most people she was less than beautiful because she was physically challenged. My admiration quickly turning to pity. How arrogant of me to even think like that.
I thought I had evolved beyond such stereotypical behavior - particularly as a black woman who has endured prejudice on many levels - from being a woman to being black and something in between sometimes. My husband is white so sometimes I am accused of betraying my race so I thought I was nonjudgmental and took people as they come. Only to be reminded by this young lady yesterday, who though she is physically challenged, is the same beautiful woman I saw in the mirror before seeing her physical limitation. The woman with the chalky white skin, the charcoal eyes and the raven hair. The woman with the smile that light up the room.
Reflecting back, I understood the reticence I saw in her eyes. The timidness of her soul. It was because she is used to being judged and looked at differently when she stands and begins to move. She feels in herself the disappointment we feel when we see she is not perfect. She is not the tall woman she looks like she is when she is seated in a chair.
I talked to my family about this beautiful yet fragile woman when I got home. Talked about the shame I felt when I realized she was not as I thought she was. At how I really have not evolved as much as I thought I had.
And then I saw this video done by MattyB whose sister is mentally handicapped where he made a rap video about what she goes through every day. Instantly, I knew I was being sent a message to share to those who so happen to come across my blog, prejudice does not just come from the most obvious race or creed. Prejudice comes every single time we judge someone who is different from us. Who may not fit what we perceive to be our ideal. Who does not look like us, think like us, or have the mobility or use of all senses as we do. Who may be physically or mentally challenged.
What I know for sure is each one of us has a place in this world. Each one of us came here to learn, to teach and to share what it feels like to be less than perfect because none of us are. Not one of us is. If we were, we would not be here.
So the next time we see someone who may not be as physically or mentally perfect as we would like them to be whether that may mean race, color or creed or in a wheel chair or supported by walking sticks, we need not judge. We need not pity because we are each beautiful in our own right when we acknowledge we are all here for a reason.
To the beautiful woman with the chalky white skin, the raven hair, the charcoal eyes and the smile that lit up the room, I now see you for the beautiful woman that you truly are, walking stick and all. And for you crossing my path to humble me by challenging me to push aside the stereotypical definition of what beauty means to me, I am truly grateful.
To MattyB for standing up for his sister, bravo.
To Alicia Keys for starting the #weareheremovement based on the social ecology that "we're all related and need to work in harmony to create a kinder and better world for all."
To all of us, we are all one regardless of where we come from, what we look like and what we believe. With gratitude for our differences so we can understand our similarities. Namaste
Link to MattyB's videohttp://www.quickmeme.com/news/?p=4087
And to @AliciaKeys' movement #wearehere http://weareheremovement.com/#act
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