Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity beyond my reach. Struggling to articulate my despair. Making words oh so hard to come by. I am struggling to begin. Struggling to know what to say . My fingertips are uncertain today. Uncertain about what to reveal because there are so many out there that are building a campaign against me. Paranoid, you may say, is where I am right now.
People that I thought I could trust I am finding have two faces. Double agents. Finding out bits of information about me and giving it to people who do not need to know what is happening in my life. Betrayal is a horrible thing because it makes us feel so exposed. So vulnerable. So uncertain about life. About ourselves.
Uncertain because I allowed people into my life that never should have been there from the start but I allowed them in because I always try to see the good in people. Always try to see the light that emanates from others. Looking beyond their faults. Their darkness because I know we all carry the good and bad within us. But what I forget is that there are those who, though they may have light, are more prone to the darkness because they are so unhappy in themselves.
These people are dangerous because they seek out the weaknesses in others and prey on them. Building campaigns against them subtly because they mask their intentions by pretending they are looking out for the best interests of others when in fact their mission is to destroy others. Bring them down. Take them out of the light because in a warped way they enjoy the process of destroying others.
I am also discovering that these same people don't really want solutions to problems. They just like problems because it gives them something to gossip about. Talk about. Distract away from their own shortcomings by pointing out the shortcomings of others. Because when decisions are made to get rid of the problem, they feign surprise and then start a campaign to destroy the person who made the decision to get rid of the problem. Because deep down inside these people are so messed up. So afraid of being discovered for who they are, that they spend their whole lives wrapped up in drama - baiting others to do their dirty work for them so they can stay above the fray.
Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity is outside of my reach because I am feeling wounded. Wounded from a place deep deep inside because I am suffering from allowing outside influences to influence me rather than trusting my instincts. Trusting the truth that keeps bubbling to the surface of who is real and who is not. Trusting my gut telling me about those who seek to destroy and those who seek to help.
So I am forcing myself to confront what is hampering me. Asking me to explore through my writing what is hampering me. Some words are flowing to me easily while others are coming more slowly because I am trying too hard to understand where I am going rather than just going with the flow. Letting go and letting what is lurking beneath the surface come to the light regardless of who may read my blog. Regardless of what they may say. Remembering this journey is mine and not anyone else's so in order to journey I have to just let my thoughts flow. Not try to understand where it is taking me. Not try to direct its flow. Just let go and do it.
And when I did, the message I finally got is it is so easy to criticize others. To find fault in them. To ridicule them. Mount a campaign against them because we really don't want them to face who we are. It is so easy to bring out the negative in people. Ask them to join campaigns of destruction rather than helping people to improve.
We have to be so careful that we don't get swept up in the negative energy that lurks beneath the surface. The energy that pretends to be one thing but really is another. Eventually the energy that lurks beneath the surface will come into the light because the light is always stronger than the dark. No truth can be hidden forever. Lies are always exposed for what they are.
And that is why I am so torn today. Torn about what to write,. What to say because I am discovering that there are people right now who are so unhappy with their lives that they make a point of drawing in anyone who may be slightly on the fence to help them to bring down others. While they sit on the sidelines pretending they have no idea what is going on. Orchestrating like the maestros of darkness that they are.
But my message to them and to those who are easily drawn into negativity, remember we reap what we sow. We are never protected from the truth and the light. Eventually all of our shortcomings are exposed. Eventually what we do to others, whether subtly or overtly, will come back to us to show us how we made another feel.
Rather than lurking in the darkness waiting for the next strike, why don't we come out into the light so we can find the sweetness in life and breathe it in. Just breathe it in without any other motive than to just enjoy the freshness of inhaling and the relief of exhaling. That way we will find no need to destroy because we will realise there is enough for all of us when we come from a place of love.
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