In mourning today from #Scandal Thursday

Okay everyone you have to indulge me again today. Last night was none other than Scandal Thursday night. And though I anticipated the twists and turns in the show, I did not anticipate the emotional roller-coaster I was cast on. Scandal is becoming the show I love to hate.

Last night’s Scandal was one of the saddest shows I have seen to date because it showed the great lengths we go through as humans to remain in power, to control, to manipulate. It showed in a very exaggerated way how choices we make impact our lives in sometimes irreparable ways.  How when we choose outside of love, we set into motion a chain of events that can be devastating and life changing to not only others but to ourselves as well.

I watched in disbelief as the relationship between Fitz and Olivia continues to unravel. Continues to find more darkness than the light it originally looked capable of achieving, of being.  But I guess when the love between people is born from darkness, it can only bring out the darkest of emotions between the two people entangled in it. Olivia and Fitz met at a time in their lives when they needed someone to fill a void they could not fill themselves, a hint perhaps that their relationship was doomed from the beginning.  But because the energy between them was so strong it pulled me in. Sucked me in. Gave me false hope they deserved each other - but do they really? Are they capable of loving each other fully and totally?

But now #Olitz has moved beyond the surface to that dark place beneath the surface revealing the fact that any relationship born with one trying to fill the need of the other is likely to be doomed.  As much as it hurts my heart to think that way. As much as I was broken last night when I saw Fitz choose power, control and jealousy over the love that he thought made him whole, my heart broke. My spirit crumbled. My faith was shaken. But could there have been any other way? Probably not - darkness only begets darkness.

Then we saw Jake come to Olivia in a drunken state telling her he missed her. Telling her he wished they had stood in the sun together. To which she whispered, she wished they had as well. Him closing his eyes, face filled with such pain and regret with the comfort of a door between him and Olivia allowing Jake the courage to profess with such conviction that he had asked her to save him and she had said no. Him trying to transfer the choices he had made back on her. Feeling the pain of two people who were desperately trying to be in the light but allowed themselves to be pulled into a darkness that was not their own only to find that darkness more powerful than the light they know they deserved. Heartbreaking again when she used his weakness for her gain later on in the show. Breaking her faith in herself and in humanity because she knew she had plunged herself further into the dark side because she chose power over being in the light.

And ultimately Olivia’s choice to choose power over love, darkness over light, we are shown, could cast her further into the pits of darkness and could take the love she thought was once hers from her permanently. I’m rambling today because I am struggling. I am so heartbroken by seeing just how powerful our choices can be though from an exaggerated way through my favorite show Scandal last night.

Because I was reminded how important it is for us to think through the choices we make, the people we open the door to enter our lives because they open us up to situations and demons within ourselves that we have to explore. And sometimes take us down a road that we may never find our way back again. At least not in a way we ever expected. And sometimes that means we sacrifice who we are and what we stand for to remain in power, to continue to control. But in the end when we make choices that do not come from a place of love, that come from a place of power rather than sharing, the only people that lose are us. And we can’t blame anyone for where we find ourselves.

I am in mourning today – mourning the fact that we forget sometimes that power never triumphs over love. Darkness never triumphs over the light. And until we realize the only way we can love and be in the light is to love ourselves first and believe we are worthy of being in the light before we can attract the light into our lives. Before we can attract likeminded loving and caring people in our lives. Choices come from us and the consequences that result come from the choices we make. No one forces us to make the choices we do unless we give them the power to therefore we cannot blame anyone else for the dark place we find ourselves in except ourselves.  

Olivia and Fitz, Olivia and Jake are fictional characters in a fictional TV show called Scandal but they are caricatures of the lives we lead and boy did they deliver last night. Still in mourning and still trying to come to terms with what I saw last night… But know deep in my soul that I was shaken because I know every decision I make, every choice I make is why I am where I am. And I have no one else to blame but myself because ultimately love of self is the only way we can love anyone else. The only light in the darkness. Because life is all about the choices we make and the people we invite into our lives.