Don't force

Don’t force

Just let it be

Be patient

When the time is right

All will be revealed

I tell myself these things over and over again

Because I tell myself

I am so enlightened

That I can’t experience desire

I am so touched by the light

I know I am where I am meant to be

And sometimes those beliefs comfort me

And other times they imprison me

Depending on where my mindset is at the time

So I breathe deeply

Trying to release my desire to control

To direct

To make my future

By projecting into it

Leaving my space of the present

Missing all the signs

Pointing to danger

Screaming caution

Roadblocks to stop me

From following a path I will regret

But I am human

And no matter how spiritual

Thoughtful

Insightful 

I may be

No matter how enlightened

I think I may be

I am still human

Growing

Changing

Accepting

Rejecting

Desiring

Wishing

Envying

Striving

To be the best person I can be

And sometimes it takes me to the dark side

To the place I must find my shadow

To understand the completeness of me

Sometimes I have to be woman enough

To admit

I am impatient

Want to be over there

Rather than here

Want what I want right now

Without enjoying

And being grateful

For all that I have right here right here

And when I get like this

I feel lost

Resentful

And judgmental

Pitiful really

Because it can’t be me holding me back

It has to be everyone else and everything  else

Because in my impatient mind

My imperfect human state of being

I believe I have done all that I can

To achieve what I am meant to achieve

I have been through so much to get to 

Nowhere

Then I feel depleted

Empty

Exhausted

Without passion

And because I see no way out

I continue to wallow in the darkness

Because I am not confronting my shadow

I am not accepting of my imperfections

I am not willing to admit I am afraid

Afraid to take the leap of faith

The leap that got me what I needed to get before

Only when I take that step

That first timid step

To emerge from the darkness

Will I be able to see

The shadow

My shadow

The one that has come

To help me to see

My vices

My fears

My vulnerabilities

Only then do I get

The truth

The universal truth

Wherever I am is where I have chosen to be

Wherever I am is where I am meant to be

Because every thought

Precedes action

Initiates reaction

Brings forth energy

Because every thought

Has led me to act

Has attracted the people

The places

The feelings

Into my life

I am experiencing at any given moment

So drum roll now

If I want them no more

Then it is up to me

To shift

To be grateful

To be patient

To not force

To know they only way to confront my shadow

Is to step out of the darkness

Into the light

Because only light 

reveals shadows 

I will see and feel

My imperfections

And allow them to grow me

I will spread my wings and fly

Because I will know

I have always had them

They were always available to me

But I dismissed them as belonging to someone else

Because I falsely believed

I was not born to fly

I was born to walk

To stumble

To fall

I falsely believed I was not worthy

Of having those wings

That I stopped believing

And stopped doing

Until I accept my worthiness

I will not fly

I will stumble

And fall

Over and over again

Until the time comes

When I accept

I am perfection

I am complete

I am whole

All wrapped up in my imperfect

Incomplete

Fractured self

Because they are growing me

Maturing me

To be a compassionate and caring woman

Worthy enough to step into my light

My own light

Created for and by me

Facing my yin and yen

My shadow and light self

As one
Without forcing
Just accepting
With gratitude
I am who I am

Namaste