Is there such a thing as a circumstance without choice?

Yesterday my sister posted on my Facebook page a comment that stayed with me because it did not sit well with them. In response to my blog about the choices we make, she wrote, "sometimes it’s not about choices; it’s the circumstance that change our lives". And while I knew what she was trying to say, the more I thought about it, the more I realised I could not agree with her expression. Because I believe more than anything, we create our circumstances by the choices we make.

From the day we decided to come to this earth, we chose to come here. Some believe, including I, that we choose when to come here, who will parent us and what our lives will be. And sometimes along the way, we may alter our path by the choices we make but the ultimate destination never changes.

So every day when we get up in the morning, we are making choices which dictate the circumstances we find ourselves in. Looking at the street people in Denver, though I cannot fathom what could make someone choose to be homeless over having a home, I know in my heart of hearts it is because of the choices they made to become homeless. I discovered yesterday that there is a huge meth problem in Denver and that’s why there are so many young people on the streets. Many of them are there because they chose to experiment with drugs and have not yet made the choice to change their circumstances.

And when I think about the horrendous flight I took to get to Denver, had I chosen another day or time to get here, I would not have experienced that flight. But I chose to come here at that time so I put myself in the situation where I had to fly through terrible storms. And as horrible as the weather has been throughout the South, Central and Midwest US, the people experiencing that weather chose to live where they do.

Every word we speak, every action we take, every step we take, decision we make are direct results of the choices we make ultimately creating our circumstances every single day. We may bemoan our circumstances and think we are victims of them. But in fact we are not, we are the creators and hence the perpetrators of our circumstances.  We always have the power to change our circumstances by making different choices.

And sometimes it is hard to make the choice to change our circumstances because we fear what will become of us and those we want near. But what we fail to realise is when we don’t change our circumstances, we are still making a choice. The choice to remain.

Therefore in my mind, there can be no circumstance without choice because our circumstances are direct results of the choices we make or don’t make – either way they are choices creating our circumstances.

And once I got that lesson, I felt better about her statement and I knew she was my angel for the day because she reminded me that we are not victims of our circumstances, we are in fact the creators and perpetuators of our circumstances by the choices we make every single day. And in that way, we have the power to change our circumstances, accept our circumstances by the choices we make every single day. 

It is not circumstance that dictates our lives. It is choice. Always choice.Namaste

Sometimes we are taken out of our environments

Sometimes we are taken to places, far from where we belong, so we can appreciate where we do belong. So we can understand the abundance that is present in our lives every single day but don’t realise because we take our lives for granted.

Sometimes we are placed in circumstances where we see lost hope and despair in the faces of others so we can know for the first time the hope and possibility we carry in our hearts but dismiss or suppress because we forget it exists.

Sometimes we are shown the lives of others so we can appreciate the lives we lead because we are too blind to see how wonderful our lives really are. How blessed we truly are. To allow us to let go of the feelings of not having enough. To see we get too caught up in what we don’t have instead of appreciating what we do have.

And that’s why sometimes we are taken out of our abundant world and taken to a place where there is scarcity everywhere we turn so we can appreciate the abundance in our lives every single day.

Yesterday I walked through the streets of downtown Denver enroute to meetings and was overwhelmed by the number of people, young people, begging on the streets. Some with signs. Others with that look of lost faith in their hollow eyes. And I felt such a deep sense of sadness about the lives they are living. Several of them looking young enough to start anew but seemingly lacking the courage or the will to do so. Making me curious about their stories.  About how they ended up on the side of the street begging for money.

I thought about when these street people came into the world and how their parents probably had such hope for them. Dreams for them and I wondered how those dreams got dashed. How these able bodies people of all colours and ages managed to find themselves homeless and without any prospects for the future. I thought about the hard paths these people have chosen to take and wondered what made me so much more privileged than they are. What choices had put them on the street.

All these thoughts crossing my mind as I looked at the people on the streets against the backdrop of majestic mountains, free shuttles and lots of stores and tourists.  How there are many different facets of life based on the choices we make. And as I was walking what I realised most of all is that I have so much to be grateful for. So much to be proud of. So much more than I give myself credit for. And it is for these reasons that I chose to write about the people on the streets because they helped me to see that sometimes we are taken out of our environments to allow us to see our environments. To appreciate all the abundance we truly have.

To look into the hollow eyes of those who were born in the same way as I was and to see how our paths, though starting the same, have ended up completely different is mind boggling. All because of choices made.

And then my thoughts shifted to wondering if these people had it right while I had it wrong. How though they were poor, they were outside in the fresh air for most of the day looking at mountains while I toil away in an office – often not knowing what the weather is like outside. Questioning who has the real solution to life – me or them?

Sure I wish sometimes I had more, did more, weighed less, and ate less but it is the reality that I have the ability to make choices that grounds me to the fact that gratitude is what makes us more appreciative of who we are. Gratitude allow us to appreciate there is always someone better and worse than us. And we need not worry about what others may have. All we need to do is to be grateful for what we have. And when we do, we see the world and ourselves from a completely different perspective.

Sometimes we are shown the lives of others so we can appreciate the lives we lead because we are too blind to see. Too caught up in what we don’t have to appreciate what we do until we are placed in a situation or place where there is so much scarcity that we readily appreciate the abundance freely available in our lives. So we can understand we really have nothing to complain about - all we need do is live with gratitude and grace.

With gratitude for the life I lead. For the choices I have made, make and will continue to make. For seeing scarcity to appreciate abundance. Namaste

Lessons from severe thunderstorms

This weekend definitely turned into a weekend of having to face my fears and move beyond them. To accept that life goes on and I must go on with it even when I am tested to the point of feeling overwhelmed and afraid.

It started on Saturday night after my family and I enjoyed a wonderful belated birthday dinner for me at the Dining Room at The Lighthouse in Bermuda. It was one of those picture perfect evening when the sky was clear, the setting sun perfect and we were able to see the splendour and beauty of the place we call home by looking down on it from the picturesque setting of the Lighthouse. The Sound looking as enchanting as ever. The South shore calm but with the tell-tale sign that the weather was going to change because of the haze that hung on the horizon. The evening just perfect. My husband, son, daughter and I standing outside taking in the beauty of our island home before going inside to a wonderful dinner full of lively conversations and love.

Then we went to bed that night full of love and possibility only to be woken by lights flashing rapidly and repeatedly through our windows almost like someone was playing with the lights of the world. Flickering. Dancing. Constant – almost too constant for lightning. Then the boom of thunder would come but not in harmony with the lightning almost as if it was taking a back seat to the lightning. Because the lightning was so rapid my husband got up to see if it was the meteoric showers that had been promised days before. Only to come back to report that it was just the lighting – a strange show of it lighting up the sky in quick succession making it seem as if there was something alien about it.

He came back to bed wanting to open the blinds so he could see the show from bed much to my chagrin. I was trying my best to be brave. Trying my best to appreciate all things in nature including this spectacular yet frightening thunderstorm that was happening. Trying to ration how a picture perfect evening could turn into such a violent storm.

There was no way I wanted to really see the storm so I asked my husband to please keep the blinds shut as I talked myself into falling back asleep. Telling myself it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about what is unfolding because it is what is meant to happen. Snuggling my head into my daughter’s as she had come into the bed when my husband had gotten up. Trying my hardest to block out the sound of the storm and the pounding rain.

And then it was the next morning, relieved to realise the light streaming through my window was the sunlight. The storm well gone. The day bright, crisp and cool. Everything looking relieved after the passage of the storm. Me grateful for making it through that storm. And seeing how quickly life, circumstances can change from calm to storm and back again.

And then I left Bermuda to fly to Denver. Only to once again run into severe storms last night as we were in the air from Atlanta en route to Denver when our airplane ran into the severe thunderstorms that were affecting the southern and mid-west regions of the United States. Sending us rolling and rocking as the pilots tried to get around the thunderstorms. A man sitting next to the window snapping pictures of the lightning that was flashing all around us. His fascination was in direct contrast to my utter terror. My teeth gritted together. My palms sweaty. My whole being shaking from the storms going on all around us.  Fork lighting lighting up the black clouds. Cumulus, a word I truly understood as I looked at the angry clouds.

This time I truly had to surrender to what was happening around me. Let go I told myself because there was definitely nothing I could do to control the situation that was happening. I was in an airplane several thousand feet in the air in the midst of severe thunderstorms I told myself so the only thing to do was to accept where I was and to accept what was meant to be would be.

Miraculously I was able to let go of the fear that had been gripping me. Closing my eyes and saying a prayer to the Universe as my body relaxed. A total sense of calm came over me once I decided I had to just surrender to all that was happening. Leaving me at peace. So much so that when the plane dipped and dropped and rattled and shook I accepted it for what it was.  Then like magic we were through the storm, the plane ride became so smooth that at first it felt like we were not moving but we were. And the smoothness of the plane ride matched the calmness I felt inside.

Teaching me that life sometimes may be rocky and frightening taking us down paths that bring us face to face with our fear but as long as we believe, have faith and trust in the Universe, we can accept that we are always where we are meant to be. And when we surrender to that fact, we will eventually find the calm after the storm and we will feel at peace with the journey we call life.

So grateful to have made it through two nights where I had to face my fear of lightning and thunder by trusting I am always where I am meant to be and having faith that whatever is meant to unfold will. And to enjoy every single minute of life because it changes in an instant – every instant.

Following the joys of the sun

Wow, so unexpected this morning was the light streaming through my blinds when I opened my eyes. I went to bed thinking I would wake up this morning to rain, clouds and more grey. Instead I woke up to light, scattered clouds and beautiful blue skies. Light streaming in from everywhere. What an unexpected and pleasurable gift from the Universe. I could almost hear the voice of angels because I was in such harmony with the Universal vibration. Such a feeling of peace flooding through me.

I love when I receive gifts physically as well as spiritually that are unexpected because when I do I feel my heart, body, mind and soul opening,  opening and expanding to the wonders of the Universe. I feel a joy that cannot be described spreading through my body. I feel the possibility that is always there but becomes more pronounced when I am open.

I got out of bed with a smile on my face. Thrusting open the windows and looking out at nature. At its splendor and abundance. Its array of colours. Its variations complementing each other. Nothing trying to crowd out the other. Each existing in harmony with the other. Inhaling deeply as I felt like I am at one with everything and everyone. Feeling like I could do anything, be anything, be myself fully and totally.

This morning is one of those treasured mornings when I feel at one with it all. When my soul connects to the Universal soul with total surrender and I feel beautiful through and through. Not just in a physical way but in a way that fills me up and spreads out to those who come into my presence. A beauty that transcends the eye because it comes from the inner spirit and radiates from places we can not touch but know.

I am grateful for moments like these because they allow me to totally trust in the Universe, in myself, in life. To glory in my presence here because I can feel the gifts and treasure of the Universe and know that when I open and become receptive, they readily flow to me as I readily flow back to them. Flowing with the circle of life. What a beautiful feeling this morning. Enjoying every single second of it as I follow the joys of the sun….Have a beautiful day everyone. Life truly is beautiful.  

Life truly is about the choices we make

Last night I had the privilege of attending the Caron Bermuda dinner honouring Brian and Nancy Duperreault and left feeling very full. Full of hope, inspiration and love. There were so many things said and done last night that confirmed for me life really is about the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with and owning who we are in order to be who we are meant to be.

People gathered to honor Brian and Nancy, as did, I but ended up embarking on a journey of change and choices I had not anticipated but thoroughly enjoyed. Starting with the story told by a recovering addict who spoke with raw honesty and courage. Who bared her soul to us by telling us about the struggle she endured to get herself off drugs and the struggle she continues to go through every single day to not use drugs again. She stood on stage in her beautiful red dress and told us about the power she thought drugs had over her until she realized nothing had the power over her unless she allowed it to. Because what she realized after many years of being addicted to drugs was that she had to own the fact that she was a drug addict. She had to own the fact that she was heavily addicted and once she did, she was able to find her way out of the drugged, drunken and dark world she had lived in for many years of her life.

Once she owned who she was, she saw for the first time the harm she was doing to herself and the pain she was causing her family. She saw for the first time that she was where she was because of choices she had made and the people she had surrounded herself with. She realized in order to get better she had to make different choices and had to own the fact that she was an addict so she could get the help she needed.  And once she did, her world slowly became light again. 

Every day her world became brighter and brighter until she realized the light was always there for her but she just could not see it. And last night she was able to stand on stage seven years clean and brave enough to own her story and tell us with pride about the journey she had taken from the pits of hell to the point of glory she now stands in. Sending tingles down my spine.

Shortly after her, the guest speaker told us his story. The story of how he was not addicted to drugs but grew up in a household where his mother was addicted to drugs.  How he and his siblings managed to hide the fact that their mother was on drugs for many years. He told us how he could have been a drug addict just like his mother because there was no one that knew what he was really going through because he didn't want anyone to know that his mother, the woman who was supposed to love and care for him, could only love and care for drugs over everyone and everything else. There was nothing more important to her than the next high.

Eventually he became a drug dealer thinking if he supplied his mother, he would know where she was and what she was doing because he was trying to protect her from selling herself to get drugs. Or worse from being killed. Or overdosing on bad drugs. He thought by supplying her, he was protecting himself from the spoils of the world by protecting her until he realized he was not protecting her. Instead he was helping her to stay addicted to drugs by selling her drugs. So he stopped because he no longer wanted to aid her with her problem.  He told us how he had to distance himself from her in order for her to realize the life she was living.

He painted a picture of the surroundings he grew up in, the choices people around him made that landed them in prison or dead. How he decided he would use their mistakes as lessons of what not to do so he could avoid going down the same path as they did. 

In order to do so, his mantra became, “be where you are supposed to be” not where you think you ought to be. He realized from their bad choices that when you are where you are supposed to be, trouble tends not to follow you but when you stray off that path, you end up having to take the hard road, the road of hard knocks.

He turned his life around by choosing not to be the person that his mother was. By choosing not to make the bad choices his friends had made. By choosing instead to set goals for himself then put himself in the position where those goals could come to fruition. He ended by saying there is no way that he could have become the successful NFL player he had been without the hardships he had experienced as a child, without the mother who was addicted to drugs, without the darkness he had gone through before he saw the light and believed the light was there for him too.

Like the recovering addict woman that spoke before him, he had to make a choice about what sort of life he wanted to lead. And once he did, he had to own who he was, as did she, in order to be who they are today. Both stories though very different were alike in that they both had to make choices about what they wanted for themselves and feel worthy of receiving the gifts and treasures of the Universe so they could turn their lives around. So they could be the light at the end of the tunnel. And own it.

The evening ended with a movie about Brian and Nancy spoken through the words of those who have been in their lives. The choice they made some 45 years ago today to be together and stick together. The choice they made to share some of what they gained to help others. To not hoard for themselves but to share. And one of the tributes that stood in my mind was one that quoted by a friend about them from Winston Churchill, “we make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”  

Three stories united last night by the choices they made culminating in them sharing the stage last night without ever having met before physically. But paths that had been destined to cross once they understood the power of choice. Showing life truly is about the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with and owning who we are in order to be who we are meant to be with gratitude, reverence and grace. What a night. So grateful to have been in  the company of such awe inspiring people. 

Open your heart

Open your heart

Surrender it

Trust in the Universe

Allow it to guide you

Keep you

And protect you

Know there is a way

A path

Design for each one of us

Unique to us

As unique as our fingerprints

Similar but varied enough

Just for us

Only revealed

When we open our hearts

And listen to all that is

Was and ever will be

There is a sacred space

Within the noise and the silence

A sacred space

Just for us

To listen

To hear

When we surrender

When we trust

When we open our hearts

Opening our hearts

Minds and souls

Is very difficult sometimes

Particularly when we have been hurt

Let down

Disappointed by life

But those hurts, lets downs and disappointments

Are there to grow us

Teach us

Help us

To see what is it we don’t want

So we may open to what we do

And sometimes an open heart can be broken

Will be broken

But all we need do is know

We are not alone

That broken hearts come

To strengthen us

Mature us

To love more

Be more

Experience more

But if we keep our hearts closed

We will never know the extent of our vulnerability

The essence of who we are

The might of our resilience and will

An open heart allows us

To explore all about us

Our strengths

Our weaknesses

Our needs and desires

Give us the scope to totally surrender to all that is

Was and ever will be

An open heart is what makes us

Breaks us

And builds us back up again

Particularly when we feel the need

To close our hearts

That is when we are being asked to open more

To surrender more

To trust more

Because we are on the cusps of understanding

At a new level

A deeper level

Understanding fear and doubt

Are just as important

As love and surrender

And one needs not be sacrificed in order to know the other

They are there for reasons

To help us to know

An open heart

Is an surrendered heart

One that will lead us

Down our individual paths

Designed just for us

Similar but varied

Because we know

We come from the same place

As we are the same place

All we need do is

Open our heart

Surrender to its heartbeat

Allow it to resonate through us

And into the world

Bringing with it the sweetness of who we are

Connecting us to the Universal heartbeat

The rhythm of the soul

The universal soul

Connecting us back to the One Source

The womb from whence we all come

Allowing us to open to love

Fully and absolutely

A beautiful love

The only love

Self love

So we can in turn may love others

Open your heart 

Surrender it

Trust in the Universe

Allow it to guide you

Keep you

And protect you

Namaste

In celebration of the day I entered this world

Birthdays are funny things. The way we react to them is so very different. So very unique to who we are and where we are in our lives. Some people dismiss them. Afraid of the years that have crept by. Stunned by the age they have arrived at. The disappointments along the way. The life they have not led in the way they thought they would. I know because I have been that person some years.

Then there are others who rejoice in their birthdays. Claiming them from the mountaintop. Embracing them for each day they have walked on this Earth. Happy to see another year. I know because this is me this year. And seemingly more so after hitting the big 50 last year.

Birthdays have taken on a whole new meaning to me. They are special because I am special and it has taken me 50 years to fully embrace the fact that I am special and to speak it without shame. Without feeling like I am bragging. Without feeling like others will think I think I am better than anyone else. No, what 50 has given me is the liberation to be me. To embrace everything about me – warts and all. To not shrink from the rose that I am. To accept it is okay to love myself and be proud of doing so. To know it is not conceited or selfish to love who I am. To carve out time for me.

And reaching another year, another day, however one may look at it, is very special and I feel very blessed to celebrate another day of my life. Whether I am where I think I ought to be, today I am accepting of the fact that I am where I am meant to be. And my heart is filled with so much joy. I can’t believe I am 51 already. It seems so bizarre to me. To be over 50. Those women that I thought were so old when I was in my 20s, I am now one of them. And you know what I don’t feel old at all. In my mind’s eye I am still the carefree girl sometimes, the one pre 1976 when I had no worries because life seemed complete with my mother always there. Then other times I revert back to the worry filled girl post 1976 when my mother died and I was left all alone to find my way.

When the light was snuffed out of the world and it became grey. When I realised life is very short and can change in an instant. And though I knew this, it was not until recently that I really knew it and accepted it. So today is my birthday and I am grateful for every event, person, place and thing that has come and gone in my life because you have contributed to the rich tapestry that has become my life and is my life.

And for those who remain and are to come, I honour you as well for you are helping me to be who I am – fully and truly. Today is my birthday, my special day, the day I entered this world some 51 years ago, a plump big baby girl and I am so happy I chose to come here. To experience this life as me. To grow as a woman, a mother and a wife. To see the sunrise, the sun set, a rainbow, a bluebird, a rose opening, a full moon, the ocean, mountains. To experience the senses of smell, touch, hearing, sight and taste in ways unimagined and indescribable sometimes but with great wonder and delight.

For my life, my birthday, my special day reminding me of just how special I am , I am truly grateful. Here's to accepting there is no looking back, only to love where I am and where I am going. Happy Birthday to me with gratitude, reverence and grace. Namaste

Sometimes no means yes but in ways least expected

Sometimes those nos are the best things that can happen to us. Doors shutting in our faces, though they may hurt at first, are actually there to protect us from entering a space that is meant for someone else; not us. When we resist those nos, our inner gut telling us we are not heading in the right direction, we find obstacle after obstacle blocking our path.  Forcing us to constantly climb uphill. Exhausting ourselves because we are existing in someone else’s world; not our own.

But when we accept the nos and the shut doors and remain outside with gratitude, patience and surrender, eventually the door that is meant for us will reveal itself, beckoning us to enter.  And when we walk through, we know instantly we are where we are meant to be. Because everything within us feels at peace. At home. Exactly where we are meant to be.

It is very hard sometimes to stand on the outside while everyone else is inside reaping all the benefits of whatever it is that is inside for them while we stand outside feeling rejected, dejected and alone. But that time we are standing outside is our time to regroup, to think about what it is that we really need; not what we believe we want. It is our time to truly understand who we are and what we are. It is our time of deep reflection, introspection and self-examination.

Standing outside looking in is a very important time for us because it is affording us the opportunity to grow,  to dig deep into our souls and ask our spirit guides and whomever else we seek solace from, to help us. It is a time for us to close our eyes and allow our minds and hearts to meet so we know where to go next or where not to go. To surrender to the space of infinite possibility.

And it is during this breathing space time that we understand we learn more when we are losing than when we are winning. When everything is going right for us all the time, we may not be challenging ourselves to grow. We may just be taking the easy path, the path of least resistance because it feels comfortable to us but does not satisfy us. Does not grow us.

So for all those nos and shut doors, I am truly grateful because I know eventually there will be yeses and a door that will open just for me when the time is right and I will enter as the grown woman I was intended to be for the opportunity that is meant just for me. So today I go into the world with patience, reverence, reflection and surrender because I accept everything that is happening to me in this present moment is happening to grow me, to prepare me for me. To allow me to go into the world as a more compassionate, grateful and giving person. Ready to share my experiences with those who cross my path.

Because I understand that sometimes those nos mean yes in ways least expected because they are directing me to where I need to be. Namaste. 

The feeling of love

Love is a wonderful feeling

A changing feeling

A growing feeling

An aspiring and inspiring feeling

It is the one thing that connects us all

Even when we believe we are not connected

We are always connected

It is a universal feeling

A freeing feeling

That which gets us up in the morning

Points us in the right direction

Asks no questions

Judges no one

Accepts all for what it is

Love is beautiful

When we allow it

Accept it

And embrace it

It is also elusive

When we are not who we meant to be

When we live behind false exteriors

Trying to protect ourselves from feeling love

From experiencing love

From allowing it to radiate throughout our beings

Because we are afraid of being hurt

Or do not trust others enough to love

And when we remain behind our walls

We throw stones at others

Hoping to hurt them in the way we hurt

Wondering why the walls keep growing taller around us

Wondering why the stones keep getting heavier

And the targets more distant

Until we realize

The walls have not increased

The rocks have not grown larger

The targets have not moved

Only we have changed

Grown smaller 

In our quest to protect ourselves from love

Without realizing

It is love

That grows us

Shapes us

Broadens us

Opens us 

To the gifts and treasures of the Universe

Love that liberates us

From the walls and boundaries 

We place in our minds

The hatred

Indifference 

And petulance

Love is the most beautiful thing

Because it allows us to see

Beauty in everything and everyone

It allows us to understand

There is a rainbow in every cloud

Calm after every storm

Love allows us to look beyond the surface

And see the love that lives within us all

It asks us to trust

To let go

To surrender

To the current of the Universe

So we can see 

Every person

Place 

And thing

On this planet

Is interconnected with love

Because love is everything

Love is everyone

Love is every place

Because love is us

As we are love

But only when we open ourselves

To receive the bounties of love

Can we be love

Can we give love

Can we receive love

And why would we not

When

Love is a wonderful feeling

A freeing feeling

A creative feeling

An abundant feeling

It neither starves

Nor rejects

Because

Love conquers all

Because it is all

Love

Love

Love

I love love

Is the digital age moving us to closer to the path of extinction?

I came across a beautiful post yesterday that I just had to share and it stayed with me for the rest of the day so I decided to write about it this morning. And it was something by David Sable, CEO of Y&R who said :

Digital is everything, but not everything is digital. So yes, being online has made our lives better in so many ways. In fact, I’m online as I write this. But let’s not forget that there’s a real world out there, too, the one we live in.

The most creative people know the value of both and how to be the bridge between them.

No better words spoken. No better words written. And they resonated on such a deeper level than I ever expected because I too am worrying about how insular we are becoming. How the indoors seems more attractive than the outdoors. How we are beginning to spend more time researching about life than we are living life. More time trying to become experts about the theory of life rather than becoming experts in the practical side of life.

I worry that by spending so much time indoors we will slowly but surely desensitize ourselves from the lives we are destroying because of our insatiable need for more electricity and creature comforts so we can maintain our indoor life. I worry that if we are not careful we will isolate ourselves from feeling, from seeing, from experiencing life when it is going on all around us because we have become so disconnected from life.

Do not forget the real world we live in. Beautiful words . Beautiful sentiment. I agree the digital age is here and it is taking us to places we never dreamed possible in our minds. Exposing us to experiences, people, places that may have been out of our reach before. Allowing us to see tragedies and wonders unfold in different parts of the world instantaneously and giving us the ability to make our own decisions about what is happening based on the people on the ground providing us with a window into their lives.

But there is nothing like standing outside. Being in nature. Seeing and feeling how interconnected we all are. Inhaling the fresh air. Watching a flower bloom. A bird fly. A butterfly fluttering by. Nothing like feeling a slight breeze brushing our cheeks. The smell of the ocean. The salt stinging our faces.

Nothing like making eye contact with someone. Seeing the expressions on their faces change when we speak. When something moves them or hurts them. Nothing like a smile breaking out on someone’s face unexpectedly. Nothing like a physical hug when we need one.

In essence, there is nothing like the reality of the world we live in. Giving us the ability to want to preserve and sustain our living world by seeing it disappearing around us. Noticing that there are no bluebirds nesting in my yard this year because the crows have taken over. Alerting me to take steps to stop the disappearance of the blue bird. Being outside allows us the ability us to intervene to help stop the extinction of natural beauty.

Whereas when we live in a completely virtual world where our only contact with others is through a machine, we become like machines. We create beauty that no longer exists. But only exists in our minds and not in our physical space. Making it much easier for us to abuse and overuse our resources because we become detached from the physical world.

As I type I think of the irony of this blog because here I am using the Internet to post my blog and I feel a tinge of guilt for embracing this digital age. There is nothing wrong with the digital age, it is a beautiful and levelling mechanism for us all to experience through our minds what we choose to experience. But at the same time, it is just as important for us to be outside. To experience the outdoors. To create a balance between the digital age and living life. There is a time and place for everything. Allowing us to have time indoors and time outdoors so we can see the benefit of both. And that way we maintain our creativity because we understand there is ebb and flow to life – a beginning and end and a journey in between –by learning to balance our technological world with our physical world – we can continue to flourish as a human race. I pray…Namaste

Olivia Pope truly wore the white hat last night

Late rising this morning because it is a holiday here so I decided last night I was going to really enjoy myself with my new friends and old ones brought together by our mutual love for the TV show Scandal. Gladiators through and through under the stars at our wonderful host’s, Erica Symonds’, home overlooking the Sound on a picturesque Bermudaful night. Who could ask for anything more.

The backdrop was to die for as our team of Bermuda Gladiators assembled to watch the #Scandalfinale.  I dressed in Olivia Pope loungewear – well not exactly but close enough. Thinking that way if there was any hope of my couple, #Olitz, getting back together, I was in solidarity with them. Bringing more power into Olivia Pope to help her make decisions that were good for her and not for everyone else.

Instead I realized something monumental last night after watching Scandal. Though I was disappointed with the way it ended between Fitz and Olivia, I knew it could end no other way for now. Olivia for the first time in her life realized she was allowing herself to be “the help”. Not just for Fitz and his family but with her Gladiators as well – not us the watching Gladiators - but her staff at OPA. Everyone looked to her for everything and at first she needed that to feel connected. To feel needed. To feel important. Because as we all know, she does not come from the most nurturing family environment.

But over the course of Season 3, Olivia was forced to confront her own demons.  She came to realize she can’t be everything to everyone else without first becoming everything to herself. So she decided to run away much to Abby’s chagrin. Abby telling her she could not just run – gladiators don’t run. But sometimes even the strongest of us all need to run. To hide. To breathe. To take some time to understand who we are and what we are.

To decide if it is our mission in life to be “the help” unwillingly or if we are meant to be “the help” with total authority - embracing who we are with pride. Without apology. Without needing to justify who we are to anyone but ourselves.  So though Olivia and Fitz did not even kiss in this episode and though I was thoroughly devastated  when Olivia told Fitz about Mellie being raped by Big Jerry, I knew deep in my heart she did the right thing. She fulfilled her mission to bring others out of the darkness into the light in a way she least expected. In a way we least expected.

In doing so, she freed herself from the clutches of the darkness and moved closer to the light. And it was in that moment that I wished I had worn my white hat because Olivia totally embraced the white hat when she sacrificed her relationship with Fitz to allow the truth to come out. She knew if she and Fitz were ever supposed to be a couple, she had to tell him the one thing that could make him understand why his wife had turned her back on him. To force Fitz and Mellie to either take a step toward each other from a place of understanding or to walk away from each other from a place of understanding.

Olivia knew that if she held onto that piece of information, she would never know if Fitz really did love his wife.  She knew she had to be the biggest one out of the triangle. The light bringer even if it cost her the love of her life because what she realized was that if he was really the love of her life, no matter what news he heard, eventually he would come back to her if he truly loved her. Knowing that if he did not come back, he never loved her fully. Freeing them all from the bondage of a secret that kept them tied to the past that was destroying them rather than liberating them. Allowing them to move ahead freely.

Many in my group were disappointed with the ending. Thinking it fizzled out rather than going out with a bang but I could not see any other way the Season could have ended. Sometimes life fizzles and it is during these times that we are tested the most. Bangs and explosions are easy ways to make decisions because we are forced to do so by something catastrophic. But when we have to make choices because of mediocrity, that's when it is the most difficult.

To me to see the parallel between the euphoria Fitz felt some four years before when he was first elected as President to the man totally breaking down under the strain of what the next four years means for him as the President, as a man, was heart breaking. Watching him walking alone down the corridor while everyone else was celebrating while he was breaking with every step he took was very telling of the truths he was facing. The demons he was confronting about himself.

And not just because he is my man, my heart broke for him because he realized because of choices he had made or did not make but allowed himself to be coerced into making had culminated in so many people being murdered, maimed and more importantly he knew he was going to be imprisoned for four more years. The joy of being President not for him but for everyone else.

Mellie rushing in back in her power, First Lady mode, urging her broken husband to get up off the floor where he had crumbled realizing all at once, the one he needed the most, Olivia Pope, was not there. Realizing without her, he was nothing but it was too late in that moment because she was jetting down the runway trying to be in the light. To feel the light on her face with Jake, the man who she feels something for. The man who openly wants to be with her with no strings attached. But her face tells it all when the phone rings and I knew it would be none other than Mellie calling her because that’s what Mellie does, when things crumble,  she calls her husband’s mistress to handle it. To fix it. But not this time.

When Olivia decided to ignore the call at that moment, she was still torn because her face told it all. Torn between a love that is possible for her but does not totally fulfill her- Jake sitting beside her. Or the love that is forbidden but fills her every cell with love. We will see what she does but something tells me that airplane does not get too far off the ground before Olivia realizes though she may be “the help”, she is the greatest help ever. And no amount of running away physically is going to free her spiritually.

Teaching me that a fulfilled life, a life lived from a place of truth comes from the choices we make about who we are and who we are not. And learning to embrace who we are with conviction, forgiveness, compassion and vulnerability because by doing so, we give ourselves permission to go out into the world as bringers of light rather than takers. 

I think I know how Season four will begin but I don’t know how it will end but I am ready for Liv to don the white hat with pride and be who she is. Not who everyone else wants her to be.

I am ready for the break now from Scandal because I know love is always the answer we are seeking.  It is what brings us into the light. Always and it starts from a place within and lights our path wherever we go. Happy break cast, writers, producers and everyone else involved with #Scandal as well as to my fellow #Gladiators through #Gladiatorsunite and #GladiatorsBda. See you in September. Remember to breathe….

A prayer for my parenting skills

Once again I am struggling as a parent. Struggling to know when to back off and when to intervene. When to direct and when to step back. When to correct and when to let go.

Life can be so challenging when we are parents. Caring parents who want the best for our children and can see the best in them but they can’t and don’t want to see the best in themselves yet. And that’s the key , yet. Are we forcing them to grow up too quickly? Make decisions too rapidly about where they want to take their lives when half the time they don’t even know what life means yet.

I step back from my children sometimes and wonder if we, as a society, have become far too involved in our children’s lives as parents. If we are pushing them too much to be better than they are meant to be because we see the way our global society is evolving and are terrified they will be left behind. Because we believe the world is flat now, not in its shape, but in its reach through the power of the Internet therefore our children are no longer just children of our communities, they are children of the world. Putting undue pressures on them to meet the challenges of this rapidly changing global landscape without truly understanding what that means because we were not born in this era of meteoric change. We are just the bridges between the old and new world.

I wonder if we are making decisions for them when they should be making their own decisions. Wondering if we are taking their independence from them because we don’t think they are capable of making their own decisions – or at least decisions, we want them to make. And sometimes may unintentionally coerce them to make decisions they don’t want to because they don’t want to hurt our feelings.

I think about how I was on my own basically from the age of 13. How I was left to my own volition. How only I made decisions about what I was going to do with my life. How school was important but not as important as making sure my home life was stable and that meant running a household like I was an adult.

How I never really studied for exams. I just sailed through high school without anyone breathing down my neck about my grades or putting pressure on me telling I could do better. I had no one to tell me the importance of my education. No one had been to University in my family and I didn’t think it was expected of me so I never really took school that seriously. But what I did take seriously was life and living particularly since I had seen my mother die way before her time. So young and had missed so many opportunities to live the life she wanted and be the woman she wanted to be.

By pushing our children to do so well in school as if that is the be all and end all, are we robbing them of their ability to enjoy life? To experience life and be able to question rather than just wait for answers or think that someone else will provide them with the answers when sometimes there are no answers; only experiences. And if they don’t experience, they will never know the full extent of themselves.  Only the book sense of themselves.

One teacher told us that he worries so much about modern education because the emphasis is on exam results rather than on children understanding the school work they are taught and their ability to apply that knowledge to their everyday lives. So many teachers are bent on teaching students how to answer questions on exams so the schools can come out with the highest exam results that they are not teaching children to explore and question. All these teachers are teaching our children is to settle for answers that may not resonate with them.

Taking me back to my school grades. I was a very bright student but did not push myself to get all As because it was not that important to me. What was most important to me and is still important to me is understanding what I am doing so I can relate that information to my life as well as teach others that need to be taught.

So I am grappling, grappling with how to be the most effective parent I can be without being too intrusive and too overbearing that my children lose confidence in who they are and instead try to become what I think they ought to be. It is such a delicate balance between effective parenting and intrusive parenting. Between being that helicopter parent hovering over every aspect of our children’s lives and caring parents who are there when our children need us. Making sure the light remains in their eyes and hearts and does not become dim or goes away all together because that would be a travesty to them and to the world.

So I pray I can strike that balance and allow my children to be who they came here to be and do not spend the rest of their lives trying to unravel the persona they were forced to be rather than who they want to be. I pray for the strength to know when they need me not when I need them to be who they are not. I pray…

In the light of the moon

When we are not meant to see things, no matter how hard we try we will not see them. The same way when we are not meant to be in a place, we will not get there. Solidifying the belief that when something is not meant for us, no matter how hard we try to get it, it will elude us. Only when we are meant to experience what we are meant to experience will come into our lives in ways we may not have imagined or believed.

The moon night before last taught me that when last night it came out in full, unobscured by any clouds and shone down on me all night long. No matter where I went in my home, I could see the bright light of the radiant moon beaming through my windows. Sending light all through the house. Illuminating away any signs of darkness.

But yet the night before that all I got from the moon was the sense that it was there. But its light and image were hidden from me. Upsetting me that I did not get to witness the redness of the eclipse. Upset that it was not in my cards to see.

But then I realized with the beauty of the moon last night and its continued magnificence this morning that this was the moon I was meant to see more than feel. And to discover the feeling, though through a different sense, felt just as enlightening. Just as beautiful. Just as awe inspiring and rewarding as each other. Feel and see. 

Allowing me to understand that in life, no matter how hard we try, when something is not meant for us in one way, it will manifest for us in the way that is best for us, in the way that will benefit us the most. And in that way, we have to be open to allow ourselves to see the beauty in all things that are present and not present in our lives. 

And though my moon is not red, it is still beautiful and enrapturing at the same time and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to first feel it then see it unobscured by clouds or my expectations. A lesson for me about life. When I give up expectations, I open myself to experiences I would have otherwise overlooked just because they do not come in ways I had imagined. Because then I allow myself to get them in ways that are more enlightening and meant for me to experience.

In the light of this beautiful moon, I am truly grateful because I feel that much more connected to the power of the Universe and all its glory. 

Feeling the blood moon of 2014

There is a natural beauty to this world we live in. A natural rhythm to this life we live. A natural harmony that flows throughout our land. And that naturalness comes from a place of deep contentment and surrender. A place where happiness dwells all the time. Without interruption. Without worry or expectation. But we have to allow ourselves to stop and see and feel the natural beauty that is us. Within us. Shared by us because we all emanate from the naturalness of this world we live in. Its beauty created by our mind’s eye and our heart beat.

This morning I woke up to the vibrating sound of my alarm. Trying to find it as it vibrated louder. Pulling me out of a deep but restless sleep, I realized it was 3 am. The time I had set my alarm for so I could see the eclipse of the moon.  To feel the hues of the moon radiating through my being. To feel its light. I jumped out of bed rushed to the bathroom window feeling ecstatic about seeing the first lunar eclipse of 2014. But all I saw were clouds. Clouds racing past the moon. Hiding it from me. Its image only partially caught between the passing clouds.

I went back to bed. Disappointed. But willing myself to get up at 3.30 to see if the moon was clear of the clouds. 3.33 came and again I jumped out of bed hoping this was my chance to catch a glimpse of the eclipse. Only to be disappointed again. Clouds thicker this time completely obscuring the moon. Its light still coming through them but its image completely hidden.

I went back to bed with the intention of waking at 4 am to see if I could see the moon. Only to awake at 4.33 and the moon was so high at this point that it had gone beyond the roof of my home, beyond the top of my Poinciana tree so it was impossible to see the moon.

Frustrated I went back to bed again and got up at 5.30. Half hour later than normal because I allowed myself to rest. I got out of bed and opened the front door hoping to catch a glimpse of this monumental and mind altering moon, only for the motion lights to come on. Lighting up the porch and everything around me. Once again obscuring the magical moon. I laughed this time as I thought about how I had been trying for the past 2 and a half hours to see the moon. Chasing an elusive moon that was not meant for me to see.

But meant for me to feel. Meant for me to imagine and to be a part of the natural beauty of the world we live in. To understand that sometimes we may not be able to see what is occurring naturally in our world but to feel it instead. To know that even though we can’t see the magic, it is still unfolding.  Even though clouds may obscure our vision from time to time, the beauty is still present just not for us to see.

Though I was disappointed I did not get to see the eclipse of the moon, I am so grateful to have felt its presence. To have risen to try to catch it in plain sight. Despite its full physical image not being available for me to see, I felt its mythical and magical presence deep in my soul. Deep in my heart. Allowing me to be accepting of the natural beauty that unfolds each and every day before us because it is within us. Accessible at all times.

I inhaled deeply then and felt blessed to be aware of the eclipse of the moon and to honour its presence and its meaning with reverence and gratitude. Its physical presence obscured by the dancing and racing clouds but its ethereal presence was beautiful in its own right. A vision of my inner world. Magical, Majestic and Mythical without even being seen. But its blood red presence felt on a much deeper and spiritual level from a sacred space. What a treat. Namaste

Whose dreams are they anyway?

Yesterday I had a very upsetting experience that sent me on a downward spiral causing me to write this passage:

“What happens when what we thought we were sent here to do becomes out of our reach. Becomes someone else’s story and not our own.

What happens when we get the wind knocked out of us. When our dreams seem impossible and become the dreams of someone else?

What happens when we discover our passion is really not our passion. But is an excuse to keep us on focusing on something outside our reach. Rather than focusing on what is within our reach.

How do we recover from the reality that what we thought was our reality was really a fantasy and not our reality at all? 

What happens when who we thought we were and are is untrue? False and not us at all.

What happens when someone tells us that what we thought we were good at, we really aren’t?

Do we believe them and give up or do we continue to do what we love and eventually doing what we love turns into the reality we have been striving for all along?

Questions so many questions because I have been knocked down yet again. Something I was striving for has proven to be out of my reach. Has proven to be someone else’s dream and not my own. 

I am teetering on the brink of sadness and relief. Trying to grapple in my mind about which emotion is better felt by me.

But here’s something that I am starting to believe. To accept. Rejection often comes before acceptance. Criticisms often comes to help us to see our own flaws and not the flaws we see in others. When we are directed away from something we thought was good for us, we are being helped to get to the place where we will be the most effective.

And sometimes it is not in the route we were expecting. The people we were expecting. Or in the method we were expecting. Sometimes the light comes from just plodding along. Taking one step at the time. Remaining present in the moment. Not wishing for something that may not be ours. But accepting of what is ours.

And sometimes it can be very slow or much later in our lives. 

And in doing so we see the circle of life. We learn patience and endurance and understand one minute we are up and the next down. We are tested to see if what we dream of is what we really and truly want.

Because if we give up with the first no. With the second no. And the third no then our dream was not ours it was someone else. 

So I am learning rather than looking at the missteps as missteps, they are actually steps in the right direction. Redirecting me to bring out the best aspects of who I am, not who I think I ought to be.”

Right after I wrote that passage and surrendered my feelings to the Universe, my husband brought me out of my downward spiral by telling me a wonderful story of triumph becoming my angel without even knowing what he was doing. And as result I wrote this passage:

“Life truly is beautiful. It lets us know when we are on the right track. And when we need to be redirected

It gives us boosts when we need them the most.In the least expected ways. From the least expected people. At the least expected times.

I am writing with a vengeance at the moment with a huge smile on my face. Because an angel came in the form of my husband by telling me the story of who the Beatles were rejected for a recording contract by a man who said guitar groups were on their way out. And how they went on to become one of the greatest bands in history.

Imagine if they had believed that man. Imagine if they had stopped believing in their dream because one man could not see what they felt in their hearts. What they knew to be true about who they were. They would have missed out on becoming one of the greatest recording bands ever. They could have gone back home buried their heads in the sand. Felt sorry for themselves and thought life was hard. Instead they believed and they continued to believe and worked hard at their craft until the rest of us saw and believed in them. Until their spark caught fire and became as explosive as they believed it would.

We are all here for different reasons. To bring different experiences and lessons into this world. And sometimes that means doors will slam in our faces. People will reject us. Life will become difficult. Sending in directions we do not anticipate. But if we believe in ourselves. In our dreams. No matter how many doors shut in our face. No matter how many rejections we get. We will eventually find the door that has been waiting for us to enter. The door marked Enter with our names on it.

And when we walk through out door, the light will emanate from us for the world to see. Because when we believe in who we are and do not allow our dreams to be derailed by anyone, a light radiates from our inner soul. Because we know our dreams are dreams, belonging only to us and to no one else. 

allowing us to understand why there are some who make their dreams come true and others who believe dreams do not come true because they do not believe in themselves.”

Namaste

Sometimes I don't know

Sometimes I don’t know

Where to begin

How to begin

Sometimes I think too much

About what comes next

Rather than doing right now

Sometimes I am looking out

Over the horizon

And beyond

Rather than where I stand right now

Sometimes the distance seems too far to go

The destination impossible to get to

The sweat beading on my brow

My heart beating a thousand beats a second

My palms wet from fear

Sometimes I can’t breathe

Because taking another breath

Means I have to admit I am stuck

Have to admit that life is moving on

And I am not

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed

With who I am not

That I forget who I am

Until I stop

Just stop

And think about all that I am

Was

And from whence I have come

And then an overwhelming sense

Of gratitude

Followed by peace

Followed by forgiveness of self

Followed by a knowingness

That I am where I am meant to be

Builds inside of me

Spilling out over the uncertainty

The vulnerability

The fear

And lets me know

I am human

Imperfect

Growing

Expressing

Exploring

Every single second

Of every single day

And all I have to do

Is to surrender

To the feelings

I feel

Allow them

To run through me

To take over me

Allowing me

To feel them

To embrace them

And honour them

And then when enough is enough

Surrender them back

To where they came from

Because I know they came

To make me pause

To make me stop

To make me surrender

To all that is within me

Waiting for me

Seeking me

Cajoling me

To be the woman

The mother

The wife

The writer

The bringer of the light

I asked to come here to me

And in that moment

I understand

Sometimes

I can’t see her

Feel her

Embrace her

Because I am too busy

Trying to be everything

But who she is

By being what everyone else

Thinks I should be

Rather than who I am

But the pause

The detour of my path

Is asking me to see

And understand

The strength of who I am

And then

I am filled with

Such love

Such peace

Such gratitude

For taking

A breath

A step

A chance

Each and every second

Of

Each and every day

Because I know I am

Who I came here to be

Every single second

Of

Each and every day

Namastet knwo 

Slowing down to smell the roses

Back to reality with a bang. Vacation done and up again early to fit in all the things I need to fit in before the work day begins. Before my reality sets in.

Feeling rushed. Like there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do. But wait, what is it that I really need to do or is it what I choose to do? There are always the same amount of hours in the day and I know that so why am I piling stuff on to make myself so busy that I am exhausted.

That is the question I need to ask myself and the reality I need to face. There is no sense in dismissing the six days of vacation because I am thrusting myself head first back into reality rather than slowly easing myself into it. It was because of choices I made. Decisions I took that I find myself scrambling now to make the commitments that I chose to make. It is my undertakings that have landed me exactly where I am.

I could have made other decisions that would have allowed me to still be relaxing for another day. Giving me the opportunity to be just for a bit longer. But for some reason I felt I had to be available to everyone but me so I am rushing. Headfirst back into work demands. Taking me away from my family quicker than  I needed to be taken.

So what I am going to do today is accept where I have put myself but limit all the yeses to as many as I feel capable of responding to. I will not allow myself to be helter skelter all over the place today. I will only do what I really have to do then take some time to focus myself so I don’t feel like my vacation is a distant memory but a treasured part of my memories. I will not allow myself to get so caught up in being available to everyone else but me under the false belief that by doing so for some perverse reason it will make me feel important and needed.

When in reality it does not make me feel important. And neither am I needed. All it does is make me feel exhausted.  So today I am available for as long as I chose to be available and then after that I will detach myself from those things that can wait a little while longer. Approaching the journey ahead of me with deliberation not acceleration.

So that I can ease myself back into reality and not dismiss my six days of treasured time with my family as if it was a dream.  Slowing myself down and feeling grateful for catching myself before thrusting myself out there before I am totally ready.

Because life truly is a beautiful ride when I allow myself to stop, smell the roses and go placidly amid the noise and haste. As I shall today without guilt or reservation. Namaste

There was no magic at the Magic Kingdom yesterday

So here it is – our last morning in Orlando. Up early, making sure bags are packed. Making sure everything is where it is meant to be. Sad too because it feels like our family getaway time went by too quickly. Feels like we just got here. Like we did not have the time to unwind completely before going back into the real world.

But then again there are some who could only dream about having this experience so rather than feeling sad about our time coming to an end, I am telling myself to be grateful that we had the means and the time to have this wonderful family time together. And to accept that perhaps time went by so quickly because we were all enjoying ourselves so much. Maybe it’s because we lived every minute of the time we were together as if it was the last knowing we had a limited amount of time to do the things we wanted to do.

Sure there was some disappointment along the way. Things we thought we would do, did not get done as we were redirected elsewhere. Like the time we spent at the Magic Kingdom yesterday. At first I looked at that experience as an absolute disaster. Lines that seemed to not move at all. Wait times increasing by the minute. Making the possibility of getting on all the rides we wanted to get on impossible unless we wanted to give up our whole day to be there.

Tempers flaring because of disappointments and the sheer volume of people that were in the park. Magic was not the word that described the feeling in the park at all.  As there were so many people just like us who wanted to experience the full array of possibility offered at the park only to find there were too many of us seeking the same pleasures at the same time that they could not be fulfilled.

And because I had started the day with my blog based on the expression, "when life give us lemons, we ought to make lemonade,"  that’s how I decided to look at the situation facing us. We had a choice – to either allow the fact that we could not get to every ride we wanted to get to dampen our spirits or we could just choose the rides that were the most important and get on those. And then when enough was enough, we would just leave. And that’s what we did.

The rides we were meant to ride became available for us and the ones we were not supposed to ride did not is how I looked at it. My husband, on the other hand, was angry with Disney for allowing so many people into the park knowing dreams would not be fulfilled and thus making people angry. But I knew deep down inside each one of us had chosen to come to that park at the same time for a reason and some of us had planned it properly while others like us were winging it so we had to take what we got. It was not Disney’s fault or anyone else’s fault, it was the choice of all of us to be in that park at the same time. And it was also our choice to leave whenever we wanted.

So here’s a note to self and to others who want to listen, don’t go to the Magic Kingdom during the Easter break – it is full of people from everyone trying to experience the magic of the Magic Kingdom at the same time. Making it appear to be the least magical experience. But here’s the thing, magic comes from within. It does not come from without. So if there is no magic inside, there will be no magic found anywhere even though Disney promises a magical experience. If we want to experience the Disney type magic, plan it when not everyone comes at the same time and particularly after a rainy day the day before!

We finally left the park with my daughter holding my hand and saying, “You know what mommy I don’t like the Magic Kingdom any more. It’s too crowded. My favourite is the Animal Kingdom because it is so pretty.”

But what I really heard her say was that she had experienced her magic at the Animal Kingdom because she was able to face her fear over and over again on the Yeti ride whereas at the Magic Kingdom, her expectations were not met so she did not feel the magic there.

Teaching me that life is all about the experiences we have and sometimes depending on the choices we make, we will experience magic in the least expected ways and then in other instances we will not.

We ended our last full day in Orlando yesterday with a wonderful dinner at our special restaurant Tu Tu Tango where each one of us compared notes about what the best part of the holiday was. Enjoying each other’s company, the food, ambiance and just being together, uninterrupted – a type of magic onto itself. Exactly what getaways and vacation times are meant to be all about. It’s not what we didn’t get to do that should be at the top of the list of memories. It is what we got to do that is special because we did what we were meant to do; not what we wanted to do.

So as we prepare to leave Orlando to make our way back home, I am so grateful for having the time and the means to broaden my children’s horizons and my own by experiencing life outside of our every day. And for our family time together, despite the lack of magic at the Magic Kingdom yesterday, I am truly grateful because more than anything I realised the magic came from us just being together, fully together as a family and what could be more magical than that.

Thanks for the memories Orlando. We thoroughly enjoyed our escape.…

A classic day of when life gives us lemons, make lemonade

Yesterday was one of those days when we truly made the best of the situation we found ourselves in and because we did, doors opened providing opportunities for us that were least excepted.

You see yesterday was supposed to be a severe storm day here in Orlando. Lightning strikes, heavy rain, flooding and thunderstorms at first for the whole day then the forecast changed to a window of between 12 and 3.

By noon it became dark and the heavens opened. Heavy downpours such that it was almost impossible to see in front of us. So we decided we would come back to our place and ride out the storm. During that time, the forecast changed again as the storm had shifted and spared us from the worst of it because we were not going to be in the band that got the heavy thunderstorms and fork lightning, we just got the intermittent heavy rain.

By about 2 pm the weather was breaking so we decided to go to the Animal Kingdom so our daughter could ride the Yeti roller coaster she was too small and too afraid to ride four years ago and to go on the tea cup ride in Dinoland because she remembered loving that ride very much with her papa. As we drove to the park, the weather decided it was not ready to let up yet and the heavens opened again. Downpours so heavy we could barely see in front of us.

All of us doubting whether we had made the right decision to go to the park or if we should just turn back. But then we started laughing and joking about the situation we found ourselves in. We were on holiday after all so did it really matter if we got soaking wet?

By the time we got to the park it was 3.30 and we were the only car approaching the parking booth. The park closes at 7 pm. So really all we had was 3 and a half hours to do what we wanted to do and the parking regardless of what time we arrived was $17. My husband complained to the lady at the booth in a kind way. She looked at us and must have decided because there was not another car in sight and the pouring rain that she felt sorry for us because she decided not to charge us for parking. Instead handing us back the money and saying, “You know what I am going to give you a Magic Moment. Just following the signs for parking and enjoy your time at the park.”

We drove in and there was no one to be seen so we lost our way and ended up on the way back out of the park, slowing down to figure out what we had done wrong. But this time right next to a Disney police car who put his siren and flashing lights on and came over to us to tell us we needed to move on. We told him we were lost and he said we needed to exit the park and come back again. By this time the rain was coming down so much that we were trying to decide if getting lost was a sign that we were meant to leave the park all together.

But my husband was insistent that we were there so we needed to stay. We exited the park and came back through our Magic Moment lady and she let us through again.  And once again we got lost but this time we just found a spot and parked.

As we were walking into the park in the rain, throngs of people were exiting. Soaked to the skin. Not smiling and looking like they had had the most miserable time ever. Our son telling us there was a reason why people were leaving so why in the world would we be arriving. The skies still dark. Rain seeming like it was not going to end even though it was after 4 pm. So much for the forecast.

When we got to the park entrance, the attendants were equally looking as pitiful as the people leaving so I decided to be cheerful and greet them as if it was a hot and sunny day. I said to our attendant, “We are going to make the best out of what could be a bad situation.”

She looked at me with the brightest smile and said, “Thank you for that because so many people are irritated with us because of the weather, like we can do anything about it.”

She started joking with us and then our attitudes shifted even more. Hundreds of people were exiting as we were making our way in. As we got to the first ride, the rain had turned into a drizzle. And there was no one lining up for my daughter’s treasured tea cup ride which she and her papa did not once but twice because there were no lines. My fifteen year old standing beside me in disbelief that we would be in the park under those conditions.

By the time they had completed the ride, the rain had stopped, the sky looked less ominous and we had the park all to ourselves it seemed. We got to the Yeti ride – the ride my daughter so desperately wanted to try but when she saw it, she said there was no way she was going to ride it. My husband and son had to take a bathroom break and while they were doing that, she wanted to go to watch others on the ride. She was gripping my hand in fear as we watched the ride climb slowly up a track that made my teeth hurt just looking at it. Sheer drops on either side. With her palms sweaty and her little body shaking, a light came on in her eyes and she said, “I’m going to do it. Let’s find Papa and Raven before they get on.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

We rushed over to the entrance just as they were exiting the bathroom and she took her papa’s hand and told him she was going. I could see the fear in her eyes. I could feel it. My heart pounding. My palms sweaty. I stood at the entrance for a minute to make sure she was going to go. And because there were no lines she did not have time to change her mind. I watched as they climbed the steep track, my heart in my throat. I took pictures as they came down the steep track curving sharply to the left and felt her fear within me.

When she finished she said she was terrified but wanted to do the ride again. And she did. They did. The triumph on her face almost indescribable.

Then we went on the Safari as our last real thing we wanted to do. By this time the rain had completely stopped. All the animals were out in full force. Relieved too that the rain had stopped so not only did we walk straight onto the safari, we got to see all the animals as well.

When we got off the safari our daughter decided she wanted to do the Yeti one more time. This time with her brother because he had wanted to ride with her all along but she needed her papa first to feel brave enough to do the ride. But by the end her confidence had built so much that she could now go with her brother. The two of them walking off hand in hand. Him proud that she felt comfortable enough to ride with him and her brave enough to be comfortable with her brother. Tears stinging my eyes as I watched my children taking further steps away from us. No longer needing us to help them feel brave because they have built a love and trust for each other and now they are maturing with that love and respect.

Watching with pride as they came down the mountain together on the ride. She laughing and he holding his arms up in the air with a huge smile on his face. My husband and I holding hands as we stood watching our children doing their first rollercoaster ride together without needing any of us. Proud to know we are parents of children who are growing independent and strong.

And then our time was done. The day that had started without promise under the threat of a severe storm ending perfectly for us. An empty park allowing us to do all the things we wanted to do and ending on such a bittersweet moment with our children were prime examples of when life give us lemons we need to make lemonade as we did yesterday. And boy was that lemonade some sort of sweet. Namaste.

A write off day turns into a write on day

Yesterday was one of those days when I thought everything was going to be a write off. It started with me getting up early to meditate and to write my blog. To sit outside on our closed in veranda and look out over the predawn sky on my own. To watch the fiery redness of the clouds as the sun fought its way to awaken the day. And just as I was enjoying my meditation, the music cut off abruptly and without reason. I opened my eyes to discover the Internet had dropped out. Leaving me without the beautiful music to finish my meditation with and without the means to post my blog. Then to top that all off when I looked into the bedroom I discovered my husband had woken up sending my anxiety barometer through the roof.

Believe me it’s not because I don’t love my husband. I do, I really do but my early morning ritual is mine and mine alone. I don’t like anyone in my space until I have meditated, written my blog, posted it then surfed the Internet for a while seeking daily inspiration and my fix for Scandal buzz. Seeing that my husband was awake during my quiet time irritated me to no end especially since my patience was short because I had no Internet.

I left my ear plugs in hoping he would get the message that I did not want to be disturbed but he didn’t because not only did he come into my space, he started talking to me as well. Sending me in a tail spin, thinking this man and I have been married for 22 years and together for about 24 year years and he ought to know by now that this time of the morning is my sacred time – alone. But he was bubbly and trying to make conversation with me- his wife whose morning had not gone as planned. Talking to me while I was trying to make the best out of a bad situation by writing my blog even though I could not post it right away. Trying to convince myself that if I wrote it without panicking too much, the Gods would smile down on me and let the Internet come back up after I finished my masterpiece. But my husband was now disturbing my peace.

To save the peace I smiled politely at him and told him I was in the middle of writing. Bless his heart he got the message but still sat next to me not realising I didn’t want anyone in my space. My pressure went up higher but then I put myself in his shoes and thought how sweet it is that he wants to be in my space at this hour in the morning so we could watch the sunrise together. So I swallowed my anger, took my earplugs out and finished my piece. Told him the Internet was down and then surrendered to the moment.

He asked if I wanted to go walking with him around the resort. Something we don’t get to do very often. So I let go and just gave in to the fact that I was supposed to go walking with my husband rather than posting my blog. That my morning ritual had been broken to make room for us. We got dressed and as we were about to leave, the repairman came to the room to fix the Internet but could not. We told him we were going to walk and perhaps he could come back in an hour. He was appreciative because they were short staffed and we were appreciative because it freed us up to walk.

We walked the walkway of the resort twice, chatting like old times, carefree about where we were, taking in the beautiful flowers and scenery and the freshness of the morning air. By the time we got back and I logged in to the computer, the Internet was back. I edited my blog then posted it. Happy for surrendering to the moment. For allowing my ritual to be broken to include my husband and a morning walk together. And then when the repairman returned to fix the problem, I realised without a doubt that the Universe had intervened and had shut down the Internet so I would take the time to be fully present with my husband. To allow us to have some quality one on one time together.

Proving to me that when one door shuts another opens. And when things don’t work out the way we had planned, it is because there is something better making its way to us. Though my blog was posted late yesterday morning, I got to spend quality time with my husband I may not otherwise have done had it not been for the Internet interruption. And for its interruption, I am truly grateful.

We went on to have a wonderful family day at Sea World particularly since our daughter had waited four years to ride the Journey to Atlantis ride because the last time we were here each time we went to the park it was broken. She was tickled pink. Beyond ecstatic. And my son and husband got to ride the Krakken twice and in their opinion the ride of all rides, The Manta – not once but twice and they were so glad they had.

The day that I thought was going to be a complete write off turned into an absolute write on one once I let go and let be. Accepting that sometimes we are led away from where we think we ought to be to the place we are meant to be. And for surrendering to it all allowing my wonderful day yesterday to happen, I am truly grateful. Namaste.