At our deepest level, we are energy @Panache Desai

Watching Super Soul Sunday with Panache Desai and Oprah Winfrey on Sunday was another gift from the Universe. Panache Desai said, “At our deepest level, we are energy....Energy is the invisible tapestry that animates life”.  How beautiful and powerful are these statements. Think about them. Energy is what dictates how we feel, our expression and who we are and it is apparent in all creations. It is the invisible thread that weaves and holds us all together. 

We connect to other peoples’ energy. Desai says when we look at still water, we see it mirrors back everything around it perfectly.  Still water cannot mirror back what is not there. Therefore allowing us to understand why we react the way we do to others and others to us because we are mirroring back what we see and feel from their energy.

We are so busy trying to be everything to others that we have judged ourselves out of our own magnificence says Desai. We have brought into everyone else’s judgment of us, of the world that we have forgotten our feelings matter as well. Consequently we have moved so far away from center.

Yet we are not lost. We are always found when we remember to tap back into the energy force. And most of all we have to be responsible for the energy we bring into the room. To have the awareness we are energy. Born of energy. To understand just how important it is to understand the power of our own energy. The power it has to shift situations from good to bad or bad to good. Because we are responsible for the energy we bring into the room.

Desai says humans are the only species that goes into therapy. Because we are the only species that dwells in a place we can never be again, the past or a place we can never be, the future. We are only here in this present moment. And it is here that we must learn to dwell. Shedding our attachments to whatever happened in the past. Letting go of our expectations of what is to come in the future. And instead living this present moment we are in because this is all we have got. All we will ever have. Therefore we need to bring our best energy into the moment we are in.

We must release our attachment to ego and take back our magnificence by not empowering everyone else over ourselves. We have unlimited potential even in our darkest hour. When we mess up it is a call to bring us into something greater. An opportunity for us to reconnect with and to what is important. Life is trying to speak to us every second, every minute, every hour of every single day. Life tries to tell us, show us, make us aware that everything that happens, happens because it is meant to help us grow.

Challenging us to ask ourselves where is it that the Divine is not. The Divine infuses everything, nature, our enemies, our emotions, our fears, our ego, life itself. Therefore we have to make life our practice and accept every circumstance, every person, everything as the doorway to the Divine. As a present from the Universe to help us grow. Letting go. Surrendering. Checking our energy at the door before we enter any room because we are responsible for the energy we bring. 

Energy is the life force that connects us all together sending ripple effects throughout our Universe by every action we take. Which effect do you want to be responsible for bringing with the energy you are projecting? Remembering always "at our deepest level, we are energy." Woven together by its powerful and invisible thread. Namaste.

A lesson from the Aztecs

I am receiving messages from the Universe. I am receiving message from people. From circumstances. That I have a gift I am not using. And that gift is my gift of feeling and understanding energy.  Not just my own but the energy of people that come into my space. I always know the answer whenever I am confronted with a question. I always know the essence of the person who enters my space. But because of my human conditioning of using my head instead of my heart, I often dismiss the gut reaction I get. The initial feeling. My heart center speaking to me. My inner voice.

So the Universe is taking matters into its own hands because I am not accepting of my worthiness and gifts and treasures by showing me the hard way not to overturn the initial feelings I feel when I am in the presence of others.  I am being shown the hard way because I am not listening to my inner voice. Not listening to the silence. Not listening to the beat of my heart. The change in my heart. The message of my heart enough. So the lessons, the experiences I am receiving are becoming tougher and tougher. Touching at my heart. Forcing me to experience pain and surprise and disappointment. Rather than accepting what I already know.

And I got the message from my son and daughter the other day when we were discussing the Aztecs. When my son said, “You know mommy, the Aztec believed the heart controlled us.” I was driving at the time and I remember the feeling that rushed through my body when he spoke. Almost as if I was being awakened from the darkness.  My whole being began to tingle when he spoke those words. Because I knew those words. I knew the meaning of what he was telling me on a much deeper level.

I told my son that the Aztecs were not wrong. That we are in fact ruled by our heart. Our heart center is the place that drives all of our emotions. The place that beats too quickly when we are excited, scared, challenged. The place that always know when a situation is good for us or bad for us. Our heart regulates us to do what we are meant to do. Our heart is where our pure existence resides.  Our pure Bliss. Our pure consciousness. Our heart center is where our essence self resides. It is here that the base of who we are resides. Because it is from our heart centers that we learn pure and unconditional love. The love of self first before we can love any other.

If we do not and cannot love self then we will not and  cannot love another deeply or unconditionally. And if we do not and cannot love ourselves, we will try our best to destroy the love we see in others because then it would explain why we feel the way we do.

Despite receiving this message, I let it go until I was talking to my Spiritual Mother yesterday about certain developments in my life. And the conversation I had with my children came back to me asking me to repeat the story to her. To bring the story of the Aztecs back to the forefront to remind me my heart center is where the answers lie. Because it is my heart center that always knows. To not think too much about why I am where I am but to accept I am where I am because I have chosen to be here. To remind me to listen to the beat of my heart, the feelings I get whenever I am in the presence of someone or something that challenges me because I have the gift of reading energies. Accepting I am worthy of this gift. The gift of the beat of my heart. The gift of listening to my inner voice and to read the energies of those who enter my space. Namaste.

No greater gift than the gift of love

Yesterday my husband and I did something beautiful for our anniversary. We gave each other to each other as a gift this year. Carving time out of our busy schedules to really be present with each other.  Taking a day away from life to be fully present in each other’s life. Remembering why we fell in love with each other all those years ago and it was a glorious day for us.

We did nothing but lock ourselves in our home and just focused on us. Doing nothing but being together and it was lovely. No pressure to prove ourselves to anyone. People kept asking me what we were giving each other for our twenty first anniversary. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised we spend so much time concentrating on the material side of giving rather than on the spiritual and soul side of giving that we overlook what each of really really wants from the other.

My husband and I kept asking each other what we should do to honour our twenty one years of marriage. The year before when celebrated our twentieth, we spent a day and night away at a hotel. This time my desire was simple. And so was my husband’s. We did not want to do the same as we did the year before because we felt hitting twenty years was monumental. So we wanted a way to celebrate this year that was special for us and us alone. And not the same as the year before.

During this process of trying to decide, it dawned on us that what we really wanted was to spend quality time together as husband and wife. To be really present with each other.  To be number one in each other’s day. We wanted more than superficial gift giving, we wanted the pure and honest gift of each other. We wanted something more enduring and meaningful. The gift that cost nothing but is priceless.

We realized the one thing we can never buy or be unsatisfied with is the gift of quality time together. Time spent reconnecting and sharing love. Time spent away from the normal and escaping to the privacy of why we are a couple in the first place. And it was truly an escape day for my husband and me because we relaxed in the moment. Not worrying about what happened the day before or what was going to happen the day after. We just were with each other.

And it is a gift I highly recommend giving more and more. I know it is a gift we will be giving to each other more and more. The gift of us. The gift of being in each other’s presence. The gift of validation, appreciation and love all tied up in the bow of the years we have been together. The years we have loved each other, hated each other, challenged each other and remained even when it was difficult to do so. Remain because we see something in each other that is worth sustaining. And so yesterday we acknowledged the work we put into our marriage, our family and into each other by rewarding ourselves with the gift of each other. What gift can be any better than that?

Underneath all that we are, love is what we are seeking. Only love. And when we take the time to acknowledge the love we have in our lives freely every single day, we allow it to grow stronger, more enduring, more compassionate, more patient and more kind. And in the process we grow as well. Here’s to another 21 years of marriage – remembering always to carve out some time to be truly present for each other. Undividedly so.  Recognising there is no greater gift than the gift of love. 

Writing is like a parody of life

I am finding this morning that life is very much like writing. When you try to force an outcome that is not meant to be or direct your thoughts in a way that is not meant to be, all you get is gibberish and falseness. And that’s what my writing did to me this morning. I was trying too hard to be too profound. Trying too hard to teach a lesson rather than be the lesson. Trying too hard to teach a lesson rather than experiencing life.

Writing like life can’t be false and can’t be done to other’s expectations. It has to be done from a place deep down in my soul. A place I have no control over. A place where ego is not allowed to enter. The only thing there is my soul. As Panache Desai said yesterday on Super Soul Sunday, the place where my Soul Signature resides. The place where my soul and love and inner essence reside. The place where my inner eye and inner ear are allowed to be without contradiction. Without expectation. Or without the judgment of others.

So this morning I decided to stop trying. To take the time to listen to my inner guide asking me to stop and listen to it. To stop trying to be someone I am not. To stop trying to appease my ego or anyone else that may have expectations of me. And instead to experience the mixed up feelings I am experiencing. The pain I am feeling. The fear I am feeling. The love I am feeling. Accepting everything I am feeling so those feelings can be my experience of life to enable me to see what it is that I want out of life and what I do not.

To not try to suppress them, or ignore them or pretend they do not exist because feelings are as real as we are and when we try to hide them, we fuel them, giving them the power to become bigger than what we ever imagined. Allowing them to grow into beasts that overpower us and cause us to do things we do not want to do. Like lash out at others and accuse them of being something they are not because we are projecting our feelings of insecurity onto them. Trying to control them into being what we expect them to be rather than accepting them for who they are.

So there I let my inner voice guide me to what I was meant to write. To where I was supposed to be this morning rather than dictating to it. Rather than trying to be something I am not and what happened is I wrote from my soul. From my spirit. And it flowed so nicely without stops and starts. Without doubt. Without fear. Without ego. Because writing is just like life, it can’t be forced and it can’t be what is not meant to be.

Happy Sunny Monday morning everyone. A new week. A new beginning. A new start to this present moment in our lives. As long as remember we can only be in this present moment. Not in the past and not in the future. Namaste. 

Learning to be more discerning

I woke up this morning with the sun streaming through my windows. So I obviously woke up late. A luxury for me. Feeling rested and giving thanks to the Universe for all the blessings in my life. Asking it to help me to find the way to release the things and people that no longer serve me or my family so I can make room for all that is meant to be.

The sun streaming through my windows was a blessing. A blessing from the Universe because there have not been many mornings of late where there has been sunshine streaming through my windows. I felt such possibility. Such a desire to surrender all the things I do not understand, cannot understand until the time is right when their meaning will be revealed to me. When I have that AHA moment that says this is the reason why.

My heart and soul have been troubled of late about a development in my life. Troubled by how quickly we can invite trouble into our lives because we allow it in. And what I am learning from this experience is there comes a point in our lives when we must face whether the time has come to say good bye to what no longer makes sense. To close the door on the drama that was not meant to be in our lives and to leave it at the door where it is meant to be. And the harder it is to do, the more it needs to be done.

And the reason why we need to do so is because sometimes we grow in other directions to people and things that meant the world to us in the past but when we reach a crossroads about where we are travelling we must make a decision about what path to go down next. And if the weight of others is too heavy to bear than we just have to surrender them to the path they are meant to be on with love and appreciation for the time when they made sense in our lives.

Asking the Universe for guidance led me to the word discernment. It keeps coming into my mind. A word that first came to me when my son was a baby and the lady from The Nurse Practice described him as a very discerning individual. One who opens to those who feel right to him and closes to those who do not. Not closes his heart because closing our hearts is the worst we can do because when we do that we don’t leave room for any love to enter. All we invite in is fear. But closes himself to those who will zap his energy.

And then this morning as if in answer to my whispers to the Divine, I saw this quote by Gary Zukav on The Daily Love reposted by Mastin Kipp, “When you have an emotional reaction to what you see, you are judging. That is your signal that you have an issue inside of yourself - with yourself - not with the other person. If you react to evil, look inside yourself for the very thing that so agitates you, and you will find it. If it were not there, you will simply discern, act appropriately, and move on." 

Life and the Universe are telling me it is time to move on. To release attachment to people and things that no longer serve me or my family with love and respect and peace. Accepting we are walking two different paths now. Paths that no longer serve us both. 

It is time for me to become more discerning in my life. And to encourage my children to be so in theirs. To accept there will be people who will not and do not like us and that’s okay because everyone has the right to their feelings. But when those feelings begin to try to take away the essence of who we are, then it is time to let go. To be discerning. To act appropriately and to move on. So we can become who we are meant to be and they can become who they are meant to be. With love, light and compassion.  Namaste.

Celebrating twenty one years of marriage with love

Today my husband and I are celebrating twenty one years of marriage. Twenty one years of challenges. Twenty one years of growth. Twenty one years of dedication and more importantly twenty one years of an enduring love.

Someone asked me yesterday when I told her my anniversary was today whether I loved my husband in the same way I did when I first met him. And I immediately said love changes as do we. Love grows as do we. Love can only be what we allow it to be. What we are capable of giving.

When my husband and I first met our eyes met across a crowded room and we locked on each other like there was no one else in that room. I remember the magnetism I felt. The giddiness I felt. The sense of being connected through this man’s eyes to a place I had been before but had no memory of until our eyes met. And then in a split second our moment of familiarity and connection faded back into space and time. Dropping me back in the moment of going back to buying a sandwich. I remember shaking my head to bring myself back to reality.

He walked away from me that day after we exchanged a few words without looking back. But his presence haunted me for many months until we were to meet again. Again I walked into a crowded room and as soon as I entered the room, I felt his presence and he mine. Our eyes locking again across the crowded room. A heat rising through me as if our souls were uniting. Trembling under the weight of the knowingness. By the time I got across the room, he had disappeared. Vanished into thin air. The feeling of this mysterious man haunting me even more.

And then when it was time, we met for the first time in the Bombay Bicycle Club for an Indian dinner and our love began even though we did not know it at the time. At the time neither one of us was looking for love. Having been hurt before. Having developed a cynicism toward love. We had closed our hearts so we thought but the Universe had other plans for us. Plans for us to be together.

Twin flames, we are. From opposite spectrums of the world both literally and figuratively. He from the cold and dark North of England. Me from sunny and light Bermuda. He from an Anglo Saxon background. Me from a mixed up black Bermudian background. He never dating a black woman before. Me having dated one white man just before I met my husband. Neither of us expecting anything from the other. Or thinking we would be together.

But there is something about love. About fate. About paths that cannot be denied when they are divined by the One Source. When twin flames are brought together as my husband and I, we are being challenged to find the middle ground always. To balance each other out. He is water. I am fire.

So when we argue and disagree, we really can be explosive. Not physically but on a deep and hurting emotional level.  Sometimes taking a while for us to see eye to eye but when we emerge from that period of learning to balance each other, we emerge stronger, wiser, more appreciative of the other. Full of a new level of love.

Now we can look back over our twenty one years and see because of the work we are constantly putting into ourselves as individuals as well as into our marriage as a couple, we are raising children who see that life is not a bed of roses all the time. That sometimes those roses that are so beautiful have thorns but if they can look beyond the thorns, they will see the beauty of the rose. The beauty of love. That the only thing that matters in life is love. Not superficial surface love but deep love that comes from the soul. Love that endures. Love that weathers the storms. Pulling us along with it.

Swirling and twirling. Spinning us round and round. Sometimes up. Sometimes down but when  there is respect and faith, there is nothing like the love that grows and changes as we do. Ebbs and flows. To be in the present moment. Forgetting about the hurts of the past and not worrying about what is to come next.

Today is a day when my husband and I celebrate more than 21 years of marriage together. It is a day when we celebrate love. Our twin flames. In gratitude for finding each other and helping each other to become the best we can be while raising children to be as caring and as loving as they can be.

Happy Anniversary to my twin flame. The man who did not fit my bill of what the perfect man was to look like but who turned my heart upside down and showed me that love does not come when we put expectations around us. When we shut our hearts and our eyes to the path of enduring love.

With love and grace to my man. My confidante. My lover. And enemy at times. But mostly my partner and father of my children. There is no power greater than the power of love. 

Desiderata, in homage to Ken Hubbard

Yesterday I was torn about whether to attend the funeral of man who had hired me many summers before as a lost and forlorn teenager. I wrestled with whether to stay at work because I am so busy or go to pay respects to this man and show his family my support. I thought back to the way I was when I walked into the shop of Ken and Roz Hubbard. Trying to find my way. Trying to understand where I fit in. And only after being coaxed by a dear friend that I should go, ten minutes before the funeral was to begin, I rushed out of the office to get to the church. I made it just as the service began.

And once the service began, I understood exactly why I was there. Exactly why I had been led to the place of where the family and friends of Ken Hubbard had come to pay respects to this complex yet poetic man. I realized I was being led to remember when I first began to discover the true possibility that existed for me. The more that existed outside of the narrow confines of the world I had grown up in.

Ken was an avid lecturer. Always going on about life and what we were meant to be doing but what he did for me, which I had somehow forgotten about or suppressed into the deepest recesses of my brain, was to introduce me to the poem, Desiderata. I only remembered when his son stood tall, handsome and full of poise and read the poem to the church. His dad’s favorite poem.

My whole body began to tingle as it joined with my essence self in remembrance of what that poem opened for me. Transporting me back to the time and place when Ken first introduced me to that poem. Told me to read its words and to remember them always. I remember thinking I had never read such beautiful and inspiring words. And I carried that poem with me wherever I went for the longest time. Because somehow it gave me hope. And yesterday it came back to me again through the man who introduced me to it in the first place some thirty plus years later. As if touched by the voice of an angel. And I felt great hope again.

And then his daughter got up and spoke with such elegance, grace and again with great poise about her father. Not painting him as an angel. Not sweetening who he was but explaining why he was the way he was and why it meant the world to her family to have a man so full of passion.  A man who helped to shape their passions and set them on the path their lives have taken.

And the funeral, the send off turned into a beautiful reminder to me that our children are impressionable. Their lives and personalities developing from what we expose them to. The examples we set through our actions. Not just our words.  And if they don’t get it from us, they will from someone else. That each person that comes into our lives, including our children, is there to teach us lessons about ourselves. And depending on how we build their foundations, our children will go out into the world full of love, grace and service or they will be broken, lost and sad.

I learnt from Ken’s service yesterday how important it is to teach my children by my actions not just by my words, how to go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

So I end in tribute to Ken and Roz who took me under their wing many, many years before, I dedicate this poem to you and to my family with the hope they will remember to live their lives as per:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

This poem helped me to understand I am here for a reason and I have a purpose. That I matter. No one had ever told me that before. So without knowing it at the time, Ken had set me on a new path of self discovery and spirituality I didn't even understand. And some thirty plus years later our lives have come full circle. His ending bringing me back to my beginning. Reminding me to continue to live passionately and peacefully. Full of grace and compassion.

Thank you Ken for helping me to start the journey of understanding I am important. That I matter.

RIP Ken Hubbard. 

Surrendering to the pain of letting go

There comes a time in our lives when we have to say goodbye to all those people and things that no longer serve us. When they no longer add to our abundance and we have known it for a while but we were hanging on. Trying to preserve what was rather than accepting what is. Draining us of our positive energy.

There comes a time when we know we have to shift our focus and attention to the things we are blessed with and grateful for rather than on the things and events that drag us down. Pull us into the darkness. Fill us with negative energy.

Letting go with love and empathy is often very difficult to do because it means severing ties with people or things that used to mean the world to us. Used to be a major part of our lives. We have to let the feelings of what was, go. Enabling us to accept people and things change. Just as we do. Giving us the strength to let them go when we recognize they no  longer work with the rhythm of our lives. Surrender them back to the Universe. Not with malice in our hearts. Not with hate. But with the reality that our paths are no longer meant to intersect.

And when we let them go, we do so with gratitude for the time they were in our lives. Thankful to them for the lesson of learning that sometimes we have to let go in order to be love. Accepting we still love them and are willing to let them to go so they can be who they need to be. And we can become who we are meant to be.

We let them go with love because we never know if our paths are meant to intersect again and if they are, we want to be able to welcome them back. So in order to let them go with love, we must be willing  to forgive ourselves first for the feelings we felt when we had to part. And we must be willing to forgive them for the way we perceive they made us feel. This stage of the ending can be tough and take a while but if we practice gratitude every day, we will be able to eventually forgive. Accepting life ebbs and flows.

Accepting life is constantly changing, as are we. So we cannot expect people to be the same all the time. And when we recognize we can’t change them but only the way we react to them, then we become stronger. More caring and more compassionate because we are in a position to allow them to leave our lives with forgiveness and love. Wishing them well on the rest of their journey.  While we begin our walk on our journey with them no longer in our lives.

We experience the pain of the parting. Allow the tears of sorrow to fall because when someone or something leaves our lives, we have to allow ourselves the time to grieve, to let go, to adjust our lives to them no longer being in it. And once we have gone through our period of adjustment, we say a silent prayer for our departed ones to be well in the rest of their lives. Not with malice. Not with anger or resentment.  Only then are we able to learn the meaning of pure love, pure forgiveness and pure faith.

Allowing us to surrender and open ourselves to the possibility that now exists because we have made space in our hearts for more love and new love to flow in. Sometimes the pain of an ending is what we need in order to open ourselves to the new. To things and people we may not have invited in before. Everything in life happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t understand the why right away but we always attract into our lives that which we think about. And when we shift our way of thinking, that’s when we experience endings and beginnings moving us according to where we need to go with gratitude and love. Compassion and forgiveness.

Life is speaking to you all the time

Oprah Winfrey said to Beyonce, “Life is speaking to you all the time.”

Leaving me to ponder this statement. To really feel the words. To understand why they were resonating within me so much. And then I heard this answer from the Universe.

Life is speaking to me all the time

So pay attention 

Listen to its voice

Its tone

Its direction

Because it is speaking directly to me

Listen to what I, alone, am meant to hear

No one else

My journey is my own

No one else’s

My choices are my own

No one else’s

So the blame for where I am

And where I am not

Falls only on me

No one else

Because I am where I am

And where I am not

Because of the choices only I have made

I have chosen the people in my life

Attracted them into my life

For lessons

I, alone, must learn

No one else

Their presence in my life

Is because of the energy I project

The answers I seek

I choose the path I am on

By the steps I take

The decisions I make

No one else

I reach crossroads

Because of my changing desires

Changing needs

And it is up to me

To continue on

To shift to the right

Or to the left

And hopefully not backwards too often

Accepting no one else can live my life for me

But me

No one else can do that for me

Or to me

So when I find myself confused

And dazed

And uncertain

Baffled and out of step

It is then that life is really speaking to me

Asking me to stop

To look

To listen

To the music of my life

The symphony I requested

The music chosen by me, alone

No one else

Asking me to go into the silence

The field of all possibility

And really listen

To the life

I have chosen

No one else

And surrender to its song

Because life

Is speaking to me

All the time

Always

Amen.

Beyonce-Claiming who she is, amazing

I watched the Beyonce special last night on HBO and to say this woman is an enigma is an understatement. I have to admit I had my reservations about her. Misunderstood her as many of us have. She seemed too perfect on the outside. Too much like a robot. But to see her portrayed in the light she was on the special was refreshing. Exciting and beautiful. This woman is talented beyond belief because she embodies her talent. Accepts who she is. Where she is. Why she is. Because she just is.

For someone so young, she really has experienced life more than people twice her age. She almost seems like an old soul in a very young body. A soul who came back for a reason. And that reason to me is to shed light on being open to receiving all the abundance, gifts and treasures the Universe has to offer without hiding from them. Without making excuses for why she is worthy of them.

Beyonce is living the breadth of her life. Challenging herself to be more every single day. Not complacent and not resting on her laurels. She realizes the talent she carries yet accepts her human vulnerabilities. Seeing her life in such a raw and unfiltered way made me grow to respect this woman. The reason why she is so talented and so great is because she has faith. And a belief system. She recognizes in order to receive, she must give.

In order to love she must be love. She recognizes life is challenging and will not be the same every day but if she gives as much as she can with gratitude she will always be on the receiving end.

I could feel her pain for the way her relationship with her father had to change in order for her to gain a father back rather than a man who was her manager and father too. She needed her father. Not a manager so she had the sense to realize she had to let one go in order to gain back what she needed. A very brave soul to be able to do so particularly at her age.

She let us in even more when she shared the pain of a miscarriage. Something no woman wants to experience. But she did and she got through it saying, 'My life is a journey. ... I had to go through my miscarriage, I believe I had to go through owning my company and managing myself ... ultimately your independence comes from knowing who you are and you being happy with yourself.”
Beyonce is someone that people love to hate and I saw for myself last night why. The reason why she is so hated is because she embodies so much of what they want. She is talented and accepts it. Doesn't shrink from it. And nor does she apologize for who she is.  She works hard for everything she has. She doesn't expect handouts. And she is rewarded for the dedication and work she  pours into her talent. Into herself.

For someone so young and for someone who was thrust into fame at such a young age, she has managed to resist the temptation of being over the top. Of being unbalanced because she surrounds herself with only people who want the best for her. She has no time for people that will create doubt in her mind about who she is. A lesson many of us can learn from because many of us attract people who will doubt us because we doubt ourselves and when these people confirm our doubts then we feel vindicated for not trying. For not being all we can because we falsely believe we are not worthy and if they say so, then it must be true.

It takes a strong person to know and accept the strengths, talents and gifts given to her by the Universe and an even stronger person to let the world see they have without shame or reservation. And that’s what Beyonce does. She is a woman. A real woman who is not afraid of her womanhood. Embraces her human vulnerabilities. Moves beyond her fear. Accepts her love. And lives her life. She embraces the good with the bad and goes for it as fully as she can. And she is amazing. Awe inspiring and woman. Beyonce. Wow.

Following our hearts

Embracing the unknown

Allowing solutions to emerge naturally on their own

Listening to our heart

Following our heart

Embracing uncertainty 

Because through uncertainty, certainty emerges

Uncertainty comes from that little voice inside

Our heart moves us in the direction we need to go

Letting go of what we perceive to be the best solution for us

All these things we know

But yet

We let our minds move us

Propel us

Override our hearts

Snuffing out that inner voice

Even when our hearts are racing

Screaming to us

This is not where we are meant to be

Heart is driven by our inner most selves

Our closest connection to the Source

Because

Our heart always delivers the message of the spirit

Whereas our mind is driven by the ego

The need for adrenalin

The need for quick solutions

But sometimes

The solution is not as quick

Not as straightforward

As our mind

Our ego

Is forcing us to believe

Inviting fear in to propel us

Desire to guide us

How many times have we listened to our intuition

Let go

Surrendered

And like the butterfly

The answer came and sat gently on our shoulder

Without  expectation

Without fear

Without worry

How do we feel when that happens

Like there is an endless field of possibility

Like life is easy

Like we are worthy

Lucky

I remember feeling free

Like the birds gliding in the wind

Without flapping

Without resisting

Like I was in the right place at the right time

And then I also remember

How I feel when I override that inner voice

When I did what my mind told me instead

 Driven by ego and fear

How I ended up in a situation or place that did not feel right for me

How defeated

Humiliated

Frightened I felt

So what I am learning

Being tested on all the time

Is to

Allow my spirit to move in faith

Trust my heart is in direct communication with the heart of the universe

To understand

It is the intuitive heart that always knows

Intuition is our greatest guide

Our North Star

Our light in the darkness

Because it emanates from the silence

The field of all possibility

The place where there is infinite abundance

And it is not driven by fear

Not driven by ego

Not driven by expectation

It is driven by love

Sharing

Compassion

Belief in self and all that is

All that will be

And all that was

When we are tense

When we are afraid

When we are sad

When we are filled with expectation and desire

We must remember we are not being driven by the heart

We are being driven by the mind and the ego

When we feel at peace

When we embrace the uncertainty

When we let go

And surrender

We are listening to the heart song

The inner voice

Our connection to the Source

Accepting

We can’t listen to our hearts all the time

Because the ego and mind are sometimes more powerful than the heart

Because our world is driven by the mind and the ego

But when we remember from whence we have come

That’s when we can reconnect with our hearts again

And that’s when we soar

When we are free

To be exactly who we came here to be

Because

Intuition

Following our hearts

Always leads us in the direction of our soul’s purpose

We just have to trust ourselves

Believe in ourselves

Shut out the outside noise

Be still

And embrace the knowing

We all have

Deep

Deep within

By

Following our hearts

Trusting we are being delivered

The message of the spirit

Namaste

Searching, seeking

Searching

Seeking

Until I cannot find

Knowing

I am not meant to find

Letting go

Surrendering

Giving in

To what

I do not know

What

I am not meant to know

Forgetting about what is lost

Accepting

It’s not meant to be found

Releasing

Letting go

Surrendering

Until it’s meant to be found

Until

I am meant to be found

And then

When I let go

Surrender

There it is

Hidden in Plain sight

Waiting

For me

To see

Again

These were the thoughts that came to me the other day when I had searched my home high and low for weeks trying to find two strands of pearls I had lost. One strand sentimental because my Goddaughter took them of her neck and gave them to me – a costume necklace given to her by her grandmother. Making it that much more special.

The second strand just a set I loved. Fashioned to look like they were from the CoCo Chanel collection. Again a costume strand but I loved them nonetheless.

I had searched believing someone had taken them. My daughter had broken them. Puzzled when they did not appear until I released them from my brain. Let them go. Giving them up to the Universe as a mystery I could not solve. Was not meant to solve.

And then just like that, when I was looking for something else, there they were together in a drawer they should not have been. Until I remembered the frenzied morning when I changed outfit after outfit trying to find what felt right for me that day. Trying to decide which me was going to walk out the door. Which accessory was going to complete my look. Complement my image.

And then because I was late and rushing to get out the door, I released the thought of those pearls from my mind. Closing the drawer on them, forgetting they were there. Leaving them to be buried under clothes for weeks. Until it it was time for us to be reconnected again.

Their find becoming a vision of hope for me in a week when I am searching, seeking, trying to find my way in life. A vision of faith. Of understanding that sometimes we have to trust. To let go. To have faith that when the time is right. When we do not force. When we do what our inner voice tells us. All that was lost will be found. All that was misunderstood will become clear. And all the answers we are seeking are in front of us always. Hidden in plain sight until we are ready to receive them. Find them. Namaste.

Love

Today is Valentine’s Day

A Day of Love

To give Love

And to receive love

A Day of Forgiveness

Of self and of others

To be able to open ourselves

In order to receive love

For some today

There is no outside love

No physical love

Their lives have changed

Been turned upside down

Love snatched from them

Before they could say goodbye

Or in some cases long after they needed to say good bye

Leaving their hearts heavy

Their thoughts jumbled

Their capacity for love diminished

Or extinguished

Hating this day

And what it represents

But love is always there

Always present

Not from the outside

But from the inside

It’s difficult to feel love

When we become cynical

Jaded

And tired

But in order to receive love

We must give love

In order to give love

We must be love

Love ebbs and flows

But is always

Always

Present for us

Deep

Deep

 Within our hearts

Because we are of love

Created from love

Born in love

To be love

To open to love

To encompass love

When we stop

To look around us

At the beauty of nature

At the beauty of every day

At the beauty of our breath

Of the change in seasons

The morning to night

We recognize there is a rhythm to life

And that rhythm stems from the pure

And unconditional place

Called love

Today is no different from any other day

Except it has been created

As a day

A special one

To remind us of the importance of love

When we can publicly

Or privately whatever turns us on

Acknowledge our greatest desire

To be loved

To be acknowledged

To be validated

To feel love in our hearts

In our bodies

In our minds

In our souls

To remind us not to take for granted

The love that exists in our lives

Inside of us

Every single day

It does not have to come in flowers

Or chocolates

Or cards

It just has to come from a place

Of unconditional love

Of no expectation

Of no fear

For when we allow ourselves to love

And to be loved

To give and to receive love

Our hearts open to more

Our compassion becomes greater

And we find

There is no need to judge

No need to hate

No need to envy

Because we realize there is a place for all of us

That place stemming from love

That comes from deep within us

Innate in us

Second nature to us

So even if this day means nothing to you

Reach deep within

And pull out that love

Surround yourself with it

And feel your spirit soar

Your mind expand

Your step lighten

And the impossible become the possible

Because in the absence of love 

there is only fear

Love liberates us

From our own bondage

Gives us the power

And the will

To be

The best we can be

Embrace the freedom

The joy

The lightness of love

Because without love

We could not exist

Would not exist

Because we are love

Born of love

Exist in love

Because love is us

Each one of us

So rather than closing our hearts

To the love we are

Let’s give thanks today

For the rhythm of life

That stems from love

Pure and unconditional love

Our essence selves

Love...

Energy is light

In its purest form, energy is light. In our purest form, we are of the light. In our purest state, we know we are a collective conscious. Knowing each action has a ripple effect throughout our cosmos. Spiraling back to the atoms that make us all. Reconnecting us back to the beginning and the ending where we understand we are infinite beings existing in an infinite space.

But for some reason we are training our mind, body and breath to believe the collective consciousness does not exist. Cannot exist. Because we can’t prove it. We think we are beyond the One Source. Not bound by the atoms or the spiral of our Universe. So we act as individuals without thought of what our individual actions will do to our collective consciousness. We do not believe or accept we are of one body, one mind and one breath. A collective and Universal one. We reject that thought.

And in doing so, we are creating the destruction and turmoil in our world. Each one of us contributes to the state of the world by the thoughts we put out there. By the actions we take. By simply thinking about the negative. It is now believed that thoughts are things. They are just as important as the actions we take because our thoughts are what connect us to the One Source. As they are of the energy which is in turn the light.

And that is why the saying, “Be the change you want to see” is so important. Each one of us has a desire for a better place in this world. For a world of peace. Harmony and respect. For a place where each one of us is a contributor rather than a taker. And the only way we can do this is be conscious of every thought. Every action we take.

We each have mind, body and breath. Each one of us if we took care of our mind so that we were projecting positive energy into the world or being consciousness of when our energy is negative to shift it to be positive. We would experience a shift in the way we think. We would have faith. And trust in the Universe.

 Each one of us has a body that can be healthy and radiating positive energy if we take care of it. Appreciate it. Fill it with the love and care we would like to receive. In doing so, we would find we attract the love and care we need and want.

And then the breath, if we would be conscious of each breath we take. Grateful for each one because it is our living force. That which keeps us alive in this world. Yet it is the most overlooked. The most unappreciated of all we have. Without breath, we would not be here.

Shifting our consciousness is a choice we all can make to make this world a better place. And it does not have to be rocket science or something grand. A simple shift in the mind, the body and the breath will shift the way in which we think, live and exist because in its purest form, energy is light and in our purest form, we are of the light. Collective consciousness connected by all that is, all that was and all that will ever be. Amen.

Frustration the pathway to Satisfaction

I am being tested at the moment.Tested to see what I really want out of life. To see how much I want to write this blog. I woke up this morning full of promise and possibility. Very different from the way I woke up yesterday morning. I felt well rested. Did a wonderful present moment meditation. And then I sat down and wrote my blog only to discover I haveno Internet connection.
I felt like I could not breathe! Panic set in as I realised I was not going to be able to post. Frustration set in because I felt my morning ritual had been sabotaged by a crashed Internet system. Frustration mounting by the minute.
Until I decided where there is a will, there is a way. Sometimes when life tests us and takes us down a path we did not anticipate, as long as we accept we are being given a choicepoint about what happens next, we can get through anything. So this morning my choicepoint was to either give in to the frustration or find another way to blog. So here I am typing on my tiny keyboard on my Samsung Chat completing my morning ritual in the best way I can. Completing what I set out to do in a completely different way to the one I had anticipated. Feeling great satisfaction with my choice.
Fully comprehending my message from the Universe. Frustration comes when we refuse to compromise. Refuse to see another way. Satisfaction comes from accepting where we are and going for it no matter the obstacle. As a matter of fact the greater the frustration, the more satisfaction we feel when we find a solution.
Here's to finding solutions. Making choices in the face of our greatest adversity.

The greatest tranquility is when we desire nothing

Last night I went to bed feeling like I am so far away from my dream that I felt defeated. Deflated. Dejected. How much more would I have to do to live my dream? What am I doing that keeps me away from my dream? Will I ever live my dream?

Questions bombarding my mind. Leaving me feeling restless.

I started to watch the Grammy’s and then felt the horrible sensations of resentment, jealousy and feelings of not being good enough run through me. Thinking here I am trying to understand why I am so far from my dream when I am watching people living their dreams and winning awards for doing so. Chiding myself for wasting time watching them when I should be pursuing my dream. So I shut the television off and went to sleep.

My sleep was full of uneasy dreams. So funny because now I can’t even remember what the dreams were but I know they were troubling dreams. Dreams of me searching for something but not being able to find it. Sometimes seeing it in the distance but not able to reach it no matter how hard I tried. So troubling were my dreams that I woke up at 3.24 in the morning with night sweats. So hot that I had to strip to cool my body. To soothe my soul. And then I lay awake with thoughts racing through my mind like dogs out on a hunt.

How is it that my life is going backwards rather than forwards? Career stops and starts. Compensation stops and starts. Is it because I am not doing what I am meant to be doing? How do I do what I am meant to be doing? Or am I doing what I am meant to be doing? And if I am, why do I feel like something is missing?

And then I said a prayer to the Universe to allow me to be the miracle I was sent here to be. To be of service to myself and to others such that I can bring love and light into my heart and life first in order to have the ability to radiate that love out to others that cross my path. I asked the Universe to use me in whatever way is necessary for the betterment of myself and others. I asked for help and then I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off at 5 am. Groggy. Restless. Feeling like I had not slept at all. So I lay in my bed for over half hour talking to myself. Praying. Shifting my consciousness from one of defeat to gratitude. From angst to peace.  Telling myself I woke up again so that is blessing in itself. Telling myself I am a fully functioning human being with no physical limitations, again a blessing in itself. Telling myself yes it’s Monday a whole other week to work on my dreams. Shifting my brain from thinking oh no it’s Monday again.

And then I willed myself to get out of bed. To stop procrastinating. To stop letting ego stop me from forgiving myself for the choices I have made. For the actions I have taken. To instead embrace everything about what I have done as a stepping stone to who I am and who I am becoming. To accept every experience in my life as a necessary lesson for me to be the miracle I was sent here to be.

And then I put one foot down on the floor and then the other and walked into my bathroom where I saw my gift from the Universe for the day. My inspiration for the day. The answer to my prayers via a quote. Simply telling me, “The greatest tranquility is when we desire nothing.” Just like that. As simple as opening my eyes this morning. As easy as breathing. There was my answer. In order to gain anything. To be anything. We first must be content with who we are. To stop yearning for that which is outside us. And instead embrace all that we are. And when we do, magically, we attract more because we can see more. When we are so busy looking ahead, looking for more, we overlook all that is in front of us.

“The greatest tranquility is when we desire nothing.” So simple. So true. A peace washed over me and I immediately felt ready for anything that comes my way today knowing I control my level of peace by staying in the moment. Living in the moment. Relishing each moment as the gift it is. Namaste.

To the broken woman I do not know

There is a woman who I do not know

Who is broken

Who has been taken to the edge and beyond

Her heart shattered so much

She can scream no more

The pain so deep

Her voice has been taken

Silenced

Her son killed one week

Her husband the nest

My heart breaks for her

My insides feel her pain

As much as I can

No mother wants to bury her child

Ever

No matter the age

No matter how their lives turned out

The love between a mother and her children is unbreakable

Like the never ending circle

Joined from conception right through to death and beyond

This woman, who I do not know,

But share her pain with her

As if it was my own

Has been on my mind for the past few days

Since I read her story

Since I saw her face

Since I felt her pain

A pain so raw

A pain so honest

A pain so primal

So deep

Has touched a part of me

Because I do not comprehend the why of her pain

Knowing that there by the Grace of God go I

Her life could be mine

My life hers

Trying to understand the why

Thinking about no sooner had this woman said goodbye to her son

The Angel of Death visited her once again

This time to claim her husband

The other half of her life

Her heart

Her man who was helping to keep her strong

Helping her to heal from the loss of her son

But now he is gone too

Ripped away from her

Without mercy

It seems

There is a woman

A woman I do not know

Yet I do

Because her pain is a pain

That cuts through me like  a knife

A Universal pain

A Universal understanding

That grief spares no one

Grief comes and hangs onto our souls

Clouding out the sun

Burying us in doubt

Darkness

Questioning everything and everyone

Forcing us to ask why us

I know the pain of loss

But not to the extent of the woman I do not know

So I felt compelled to share her story

To write about her

To honour her

And her pain

So she will feel

Even if she does not know from where

The strength of womanhood

The power of sisterhood

The endurance of motherhood

Touching her soul

Helping her to know

She is not alone

Not abandoned by the Universe

Because there are those of us

Who hold her close to us

Willing her to heal

To come out of these double tragedies

Her prolonged and sudden darkness

Stronger

More understanding

More loved

Than she did before

To the woman I do not know

Whose pain is beyond anything she ever imagined

May she know the sisterhood

The womanhood

The motherhood

Are rooting for her

Sending her Universal strength

With love

With compassion

With peace

Feeding her through this time

So she will know she is not alone

Never alone

This post is dedicated to the woman I do not know who is stronger than she ever imagined because she has the Universe behind her, beside her, with her always. Amen

The rich tapestry of this journey called life

We are never the same from one day to the next. Some days we wake up with all the answers in the world. Feeling fully connected to the Universe. Understanding we are part of the One Source. Knowing in order to receive, we must give. In order to exhale we have to inhale. Fully aware of the abundance that is available to us all. Beautiful.

Then there are those other days when we wake up and no matter how light it is outside, we feel like we are fumbling around in the dark. Like there is nothing that ever goes right for us.  When we forget to inhale so we can’t exhale leaving us full of junk and debris. Causing us to embrace feelings of scarcity. Filling us with fear and loathing. Selfishness and ego. Because we falsely believe there is not enough for all of us and we have to hold on to everything we have without sharing. Without giving back. Ugliness.

Then there are the days in between where we operate in the twilight zone. Coasting. Not sure whether it is dark or light. Not sure whether we are awake or asleep. Just coasting. Barely breathing in and out. Or at least not noticing  whether we are breathing or not. Eyes slightly closed to all that is going on around us. Oblivious to everything until the day is done and we can’t even recall what we did that day.

What does this all mean? I believe all those days are necessary for my growth. In order for me to appreciate anything, I have to experience all aspects of it. Including the dark side. Including things and events and people I don’t understand or like. I am accepting that there will be all kinds of days and as long as I remember to breathe, I will get through all those days no matter what. Even when it is the most challenging day, person or event. Accepting they are my best teachers.

There was a quote I saw yesterday that said something along the lines of it is difficult to be grateful every single day. But on those days when it is the most difficult to be grateful, that’s when we really need to be grateful. On those days the Universe is challenging us to see no matter what kind of day we are experiencing, there is always something to be grateful for. Even on those days when we feel like the Universe is not shining down on us. When we allow ourselves to go into the silence the fact that we woke up in the morning, being given another day to reach our place of love and light, is enough to be grateful for. Being given another day to embrace the mystery that is us is enough to be grateful for.

Harnessing all our experiences and seeing that each one of them is helping us to become the person we asked to come here to become. Accepting we are never the same from one minute to the next. Let alone from one day to the next. Grateful that we aren't because if we were, how would we know when times are good or bad. Happy or sad. How would we know compassion, love or understanding if we remained the same and did not see life from the eyes of another.

Sometimes we have to travel to the other side of the mountain to see who we really are. To truly see ourselves looking back at us. Mirroring our deepest shadow selves and that’s why some days we wake up with all the answers. Other days we don’t even know what the question is; let alone the answer. And then there are the days in between. All a part of the rich tapestry of this journey we call life. And the mystery that is us. Namaste.

Learning to learn

I am learning to not think too hard about situations. To not over analyze anything. To accept I am always where I need to be. Doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. I am learning to let go. To surrender. Daily. Without questions. As best I can.

I am learning to not judge anyone until I have walked in her shoes because it is often true that the very judgments we make are the actions we take. Meaning that when we condemn someone for something, often we end up doing the same thing. Perhaps not in the exact manner but often very similar to whatever we criticized or judged that person for.

I am learning to not seek revenge. To not hate. To not glory in someone’s darkness or demise. Instead I am learning  to forgive because I am learning there is no need to seek an eye for an eye because karma has a way of rightsizing everything. Of evening things out so that we can each experience the emotions and feelings of the other. I am learning to be patient and nonjudgmental as a result which allows space in my heart to forgive.

I am learning to be grateful for whoever comes into my life. For whomever departs my life because I recognize each one represents a part of me necessary for me to see and learn either from their presence or their absence.

I am learning that life is all about learning. Continuously. That I do not know it all. Cannot know it all. Will not know it all. Because I am a human being with flaws and limitations just as my fellow human beings are. Prone to make mistakes but hopefully to learn from them.

I am learning that the saying love is patient, love is kind is what helps me to shift from the negative comments I allow to stick with me rather than the multitude of positive comments I receive. I am learning to accept compliments without rebuke because I am learning I am worthy of them. I am learning that when I accept the compliments bestowed upon me, I help to make the person who complimented me to feel like they are giving me a gift. Lifting us both up in the process.

I am learning that once I close myself off from learning then I will become stagnant and bitter and fearful. So I am opening myself up to the Universe to learn. To be used. To be of service so that I am the love, the light and the miracle I was sent here to be.  As best I can. As often as I can. Accepting sometimes I won’t be because that’s my lesson as well.

I am learning to embrace the ups and downs of life. The good days and the bad. The days when I set out with the best intentions and accomplish nothing. I am learning to accept all things that happen, happen for a reason.

I am learning to love. To let go. To surrender. To not judge. To listen to my inner voice and to be all that I can be in order to be of service. Because I am learning that above all else, all we need in this life and the hereafter is love. Love is the cure for everything because it is everything. Embodies the essence of who we are and what we are. Without love, there is nothing but contempt, emptiness and distrust. I am learning to embrace the concept of , "In the absence of love, there is only fear". I know this to be true. Because when I feel love in my heart, surrender to the love in my soul, and embrace the love in my mind, all fear, worry and angst disappears. And for learning to learn, I am truly grateful.

 Amen.

Reunited and it feels so good

I am so grateful my family is back together. My husband arrived home last night from a long and exhausting trip back from England. Emotionally tired but excited at the same time having spent quality time with his family. Sad because he had to leave his mother when she is most vulnerable but happy he is home with us.

My children asked to wait up for their papa last night. They wanted to see his face before they went to bed. Wanted him to tuck them in for the night. Just so they could know he was back. That all was well and we were back as a family. Reassuring them he was safe. We were safe.

My daughter was in her room reading when she came rushing through to say she could hear her papa pulling his luggage up the steps. She got to the front door before I could answer yelling, "Papa’s home". She opened the door for him, rushing into his arms. I let her have her moment with her papa before I came out to greet my husband.

His face was filled with joy as my daughter embraced him. My heart melted with the pure and unconditional love that was pouring out of her into him. Her eyes were closed and she was hugging her papa. He looked up as he heard me come and our love connected in the distance. We hugged and as we did, our son came out. My husband embracing him next. Of course our thirteen year old soon to be fourteen year old couldn't hug him as long as we could because of the awkward stage he is in right now but he was truly happy to see his papa as well. I could see it in his eyes. Our energy as a family was electric.

A new sense of love flowing through us all. A new sense of appreciation for the love and life we share with all the deaths and changes occurring around us. We stood as a family for a bit taking in all that we have. My husband looking from me to our daughter to our son. Noticing our children have grown in the seven days he was gone.

And then we went back to our normal routines. Tucking our children in. Going back to being a family connected physically together. Grateful for our family unit and the love we share. I wrote in my grateful journal last night that I was so grateful that my husband was home and I was so grateful that we have reached a new level of love and understanding now that he has experienced loss as I have many years before.

Teaching us to appreciate that love is not something to take for granted and neither is life. Illustrating for us that we must appreciate each moment we have because we never know whether this moment will be our last. Knowing we are raising our children to walk away from us so we have to appreciate the time we have with them.

Particularly after I asked my husband if he was sad to leave his mother and his response was, “Yes but I can’t stay with her forever. I left home a long time ago and I have new responsibilities now.” That struck a chord with me because soon our children will be leaving us and our family unit will physically change but if we nurture the love, appreciation and respect between us, we will always remain spiritually connected no matter where we are. Because love spans more than the physical. And so does family when nurtured and appreciated. Namaste.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life

Recently I had lunch with a friend I have been trying to have lunch with for a very long time. But schedules, interruptions, life got in the way more times than we could count until we had no choice but to connect. Though we had known each other before, we became fans of each other when I started writing a spiritual column for one of the local newspapers and she loved my articles. Calling me her inspiration. And then when I  started my blog, she found me again and we reconnected. Becoming fans of each other once again.

The connection is about to change again because she and her husband are embarking on a journey to live in a different part of the world. To discover what it is like to immerse themselves in a new culture. And the irony is their journey begins on February 22. My twenty first wedding anniversary. Showing just how interconnected we all truly are. Particularly those of like mind who are drawn together to encourage each other. Help each other along on this journey called life. Recognizing that sometimes one is up and the other is down. One is strong when the other is weak. But the roles  and dynamics are constantly changing. With the strengths  and weaknesses shifting. The ups and downs shifting. Allowing each one of us to feel the emotions. Experience the compassion.

When we finally met for lunch, it was like we had lunched all our lives every single day. We were like two giddy girls at times. Laughing like unbounded children. At other times we were serious exploring our life experiences. Sharing from a heart centered base. Uplifting each other. Validating each other.

As we were about to depart, she handed me a card. A beautiful card with an image representing to me the infinite paths we take. The continuum of life. The paths that separate only to intersect again . And at first I was embarrassed that she had been so thoughtful to sit and write out a card when she was the one who was leaving. I thought how could I sit before this woman without thinking of giving her something to part with. I didn’t know how to take the card because I realised I am so not used to receiving. I am the one who is always giving.

But then I read the card thanking me for being her inspiration and with the following quote by Melody Beattie,

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life

It turns what we have into enough and more

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

A house into a home

A stranger into a friend

Gratitude makes sense of our past,

Brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

I carried that card around in my bag for a few days keeping it close to me. Reading it again and again trying to come to terms with its meaning and my relationship with my new old friend who was about to depart . And then I realized she had come to me to remind me to be grateful for every person, every moment, every encounter because we never know when life will take us in different directions. When our paths will separate. To remind me to take nothing or no one for granted particularly those that mean the most to me because life changes so quickly.

To my friend who is one of the bravest and free living souls I know, may your new adventure take you on a journey of possibility. Looking forward to all the updates of where your life is taking you. I know our paths will intersect again as your venture is starting on the same day as a new year begins for my wedded journey. Love shared.

In gratitude for you inspiring me to write just by calling me your inspiration. For validating me when few others did. And for staying with me throughout without having to be in my physical space all the time. A relationship that is timeless, spaceless and infinite. I salute you my friend. In gratitude. Namaste

Don't put off anything, live

Yesterday morning I woke up marveling at the beauty and perfection of a Sunday morning. The sky was clear and blue. Birds were chirping. And there was silence. A wonderful and restful silence because the wind has finally stopped blowing a gale. It’s amazing how after gales we can hear the sound of silence that is present with us all the time as if it is for the first time.

I went out to my line to hang out clothes. To breathe in the fresh air. To fill my lungs with all the possibility that exists all the time. I looked out at the trees. The never ending horizon and I felt a sense of peace run through me. A sense of contentment. A sense of love.

As I was hanging my clothes out, I thought about how strange life can be. About how I woke up this morning with the promise of all that is before me when I remembered some friends very close to me probably woke up this morning and did not even see the sun. At least not in the same way I did. Tragedy has once again struck for friends I know. They woke up this morning reliving the bad dream that befell them yesterday when the daughter discovered her beloved father had died, the mother her beloved had died and the granddaughter her beloved grandfather had died. Just like that. Without warning. Without a chance to say goodbye.

This year has been a year full of unexpected deaths. Surprise endings. Full of sorrow, full of pain and it is only February. Not even two months into the New Year yet. What is going in I wondered as I hung each item on the line? Why is the joy being snuffed out of so many peoples’ lives so randomly? So unexpectedly. So quickly.

What are we being asked to do as a human race? What we are we being asked to see about ourselves? What are we being asked to remember?

I paused for a moment between hanging out the clothes and I listened to the sound of nature. The sound of perfection. The sound of the birds. The sound of silence and I saw there are beginnings and endings every single day. All around us. Nature replenishes itself all the time. Colors dying off for a particular season to give way to others so they may have their opportunity to shine.

I walked back into my laundry room after hanging out the clothes, put the basket on the floor and realize life is for the living. Tomorrow is promised to no one and that old cliché that says, don’t put of to tomorrow what could be done today, is so true. Remembering again and being reminded again by the Universe that the present moment is all we've got. All we will ever have and it is up to us to live our lives knowing there is no tomorrow. Just today. Just this present moment.

To my grieving friends, my heart goes out to you. And yes it feels like you are in a bad dream. A dream that for the present you feel you will never emerge from. And to be honest, you won’t come out of that bad dream state for quite some time. You will feel like you are operating in a twilight zone. Where you feel you have no right to experience joy when the joy you thought you had has been ripped away from you so suddenly, so unexpectedly, so randomly. But eventually that bad dream like state will diminish but not truly go away. As long as you treasure those moments you shared with your loved one. As long as you acknowledge you were loved and so was he. That all of you shared love, then all will be well in time.

Accept this present moment as your time to grieve. To remember. To treasure and always remember love does not die. It outlasts death. It remains like a painting in our brains. An imprint on our hearts. A figment of who we are and ever will be.  Always and forevermore.

Then I read a quote later in the day that said, “You will never fully live until you know you will die.” I would like to add, You will never fully live until you know you will die or have been touched by death. So let’s start living each and every single minute we have. With gratitude. With love and with abandon because this moment is all we've got.

With deepest sympathies to my friends, the spirit of your loved one remains because we are all connected to the One Source. We only separate as physical beings but never as spiritual being. The essence of who we are always remains. Namaste.

Circle of Life, Circle of Love, Circle of Family

Last night I fell deeply in love with my husband again. Not that I haven’t loved him all these years but he sent me a message from England telling me everything went well with his dad’s funeral and how pleased his mother was with the way things went. I could feel the love for his family with each word he sent but what put the icing on the cake for me was when he said he was going to take his mother out to lunch today. Out to a beautiful little old fashioned fish and chip shop called Colmans by the sea side. And it was this sentiment that brought tears to my eyes. That made me realize why I fell in love with my husband some twenty three years ago.

My husband and his mother have a wonderful and enduring relationship. Though he has spent many years, nearly thirty years away from her, with the majority of it being far across the Atlantic in Bermuda, their relationship, love and mutual respect spans that long distance. As if they are right next to each other. Distance not mattering. My husband calls his mother every single Sunday just to make sure she is okay. His father who died was on the receiving end of those calls as well.

My heart burst with love, with admiration and with pride to know I have a husband, a real man, who loves and cares so much for his mother that he wants to spend some quality time with her during their time of loss. To know he wants to get her out of the house. A house she has been confined to basically for the last three years because she was making sure her husband was okay. To take her to the seaside. To the lovely and old-fashioned restaurant that will help to rekindle memories of her youth for her. To spend quality time with his mother. Listening to her. Her listening to them. The two of them bonding as mother and son. No distractions. No one else but them. And I love my husband even more.

I think about my son. About him growing up rapidly before my eyes. About him trying to spread his wings. Testing the waters to see what his limitations and strengths are and I hope I am just as good a mother as my mother-in-law that my son will call me every Sunday once he leaves our home and will come to me in time of need. I hope I can raise a son who will want to return to me because he wants to not because he has to.

Learning from my mother-in-law that it is best to set the ground rules for our children. Remind them of their boundaries and then when it is time, let them go. But not before letting them know they are loved. And if need be, there is always a place for them when times are rough. That someone cares about them no matter what. Then when it is time for them to go, give them wings by not interfering but always be welcoming when they return. No expectations. Just pure love and understanding. If I remember this, hopefully my children will return to me when I need them with pure and open hearts filled with love, compassion and understanding. As my husband is doing with his mother.

Reminding me about the Circle of Life. How each us of is born as a babe incapable of taking care of ourselves. We become toddlers who learn to feed ourselves. Walk by ourselves. Talk by ourselves. Then we become children of the world full of dreams and possibility. Believing we can conquer the world. Until the world comes along and sometimes crushes those dreams. Particularly as we become teens trying to balance between childhood and adulthood. Wrestling with emotions and hormones. Before growing into adults who go out into the world either fulfilling our dreams or shattering them. Then for those of us fortunate enough we grow old and wise waiting for the time when we go back to the place we came from. With no regrets. No pain. No sorrow. Fully embracing there is a time and place for everything as long as we have known love.  The Circle of Life. The Circle of Love. The Circle of Family. Infinite. Enduring and lasting.

To my husband with appreciation, love and pride. Setting a wonderful example for our children about the enduring nature of love and the Circle of Life. Enjoy your mother, wonderful son.