Feeling conflicted about colours leads me to an awakening

Yesterday I was forced to confront the fact that expectation can kill a good thing! I have been wearing more colours and glorifying in them. Basking in the compliments that I am receiving about wearing colours. So much so I was getting to the point that I really believed that no matter what I was feeling deep in my soul, no matter how tired I was, spent in fact, just putting on a colour would help to lift my spirits.

Well that all came to a screeching halt yesterday when the fact that I have been going nonstop came and slapped me squarely in the face. I woke up yesterday morning feeling groggy, tired, grouchy. I just wanted to put my head back down on my pillow, pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away. But I couldn’t because I had an obligation yesterday with my daughter. So begrudgingly I got up and got dressed. Putting myself in bright pink thinking it would help to take some of the fatigue out of my body.

As I was driving I could feel a sense of weariness creeping through my being. Feeling like I was a spectator in my life rather than a participant in my life. I shrugged the feelings aside. Denying I could be feeling that way particularly since I had on bright pink. But I couldn’t.

I sat on the sidelines for most of the day dreaming that I was in my bed curled up reading my book. I tried really hard to shake the feelings but I couldn’t. I kept looking down at the pink thinking how ridiculous I looked in that colour. How I felt so much like a peacock. Getting angry with myself by the minute for the conflict about colours that was racing through my mind.

By the time I got home I felt like I hadn’t done a thing I wanted to do all weekend long so I snapped at my family, snapped at myself and then felt like a complete failure to everyone including myself.

It wasn’t until I showered. Lingering in the shower for quite some time. Letting the thoughts, images, recollections of the day filter through my mind that I realised what my problem was. I expected colours to lift me out of the days when I just don’t feel like it. Rather than accepting that some days I won’t feel like it. As the water ran down my body I realised it’s okay some days to just not feel like it. And no matter what colour I put on, they won’t change the way I am feeling.

As I cleansed my body I also cleansed my soul knowing that it’s expectation that kills the moment. It drives us over the edge. Making us falsely believe we have reached our destination before we get there. Rather than seeing by placing expectations on outcomes, we have missed the journey that happens in between. The journey I was supposed to have yesterday unfolded exactly the way it was meant to but it took me longer to get there because I was so focused on the destination that I forgot to enjoy the journey along the way.

No matter what colour I have on, if I place expectations on the way I am meant to feel, I am defeating the purpose of choosing to be in that colour for the day. Everything in moderation allows us to relinquish control over how things are supposed to be. So if I want to wear all black one day perhaps it’s because I need to but forcing myself into colours just because I think they will shift my consciousness is not the way to go either. I have to go with what feels right for me for that day and go for it. Only then will the colours I choose matter the most. Because that choice would be a choice based on how I am really feeling on the inside and will resonate more with my soul. If I force it as I did yesterday then all I am doing is setting myself up for disappointment. And for that lesson I am truly grateful.

Colours really do shift our energy

I did it yesterday everyone. I walked out of my house with the brightest ensemble I have worn in a while. And everywhere I turned people told me I looked beautiful! And you know what I felt beautiful. My husband told me I was stunning. A woman I have never seen before stopped me in my tracks to tell me when I walked in the door I took her breath away. I told her it was because of the colours I had on. To which she responded no you could have on any colour and you would still be beautiful because you are beautiful! I thanked her for making my day.

What was even more amazing was because I was so colourful, I felt colourful, spunky, brave. I felt like the Universe was conspiring with me to make the day a good one despite hearing some strange news first thing in the morning that tempted to derail my high. If I would have had my moody black on I may have taken on that negative energy and let it drain me. But because I felt good about me with the vivid colours I had on, I let the negative thought pass through me and out the other side and every time it tried to steal my thunder I closed my eyes and saw the reds, oranges, turquoise, blues and whites I had on and felt my inner soul start to shine.

My husband and I went to lunch together, a belated birthday lunch, and we sat out on a balcony of a restaurant overlooking our beautiful Hamilton Harbour. And I was filled with even more love and light and peace as we sat and talked like adults against a backdrop that rivalled anyone’s impression of what Utopia would look like. And it was because I was so colourful and feeling strong that I relaxed with him enjoying our stolen moment out of our everyday harried lives.

I’m hooked now on colours. I know what they do to my insides. I know what they do to my energy. And surprisingly I know what they do to the energy of those that come into my space. Colours  are a reflection of the beauty that is ever present in our lives, the turquoise of the ocean, the reds of the hibiscus flower, the whites of the clouds, the azures of the skies, the greens of the leaves, the purity of the sun.

I’m so glad I followed my instincts and decided to break my mould and come out looking like the colours of the rainbow yesterday because it cleansed my soul, opened my heart and shut out the negativity that may have caused me to have a bad day. And I am so proud of myself for embracing colours. May I be daring enough to put myself out there more adorned like the colours of the rainbow. Knowing how they truly benefit my mind, body and soul.

We attract what we project

I started yesterday morning off feeling really confused and with no real energy to start the day. Trying to understand the way I was feeling, I wrote a blog about my feelings. Put them out there. And then I surrendered them. Breathed them in. Breathed them out. I was then lead to an article by Deepak Chopra about Oprah’s visit to India. It was all inspiring. Gave me goose bumps with such lines as, “I believe that what you do to others is already done to you.... My strength is seeing myself in other people and being able to connect on a spiritual, human level. I am not my brother's keeper. I am my brother (or sister). My greatest talent is to connect the commonality in our human experience so people can see themselves and their possibilities in others. 
I'm at heart a storyteller who loves life stories that demonstrate our capacity to feel more human, to fall down and get back up to triumph, to love. I would like to see a more awakened and conscious world aware of the consequences of our choices and willingness to make changes. That's my greatest hope, a more enlightened world.”

I felt my heart lifting. My soul shining. My breathing getting easier. Her words are words I could have spoken because they are exactly how I feel about myself. I am here for a Divine purpose. Recognising the reason why I am so attracted to Oprah, I wanted to explore more so I went to her website where I found the quote, "Instead of looking and around and saying, I’m happy because of what I have in my hand, I'm happy because of what I have in my heart."—Dr. Jack Cline.

It brought tears to my eyes. 

Feeling inspired I decided to check out Facebook to see what my friends were up to and  found inspiration in every post I read. Allowing me to know that we get whatever it is that we put out there. By shifting my energy from negative to positive, I was embraced by the light. Given nuggets of inspiration to remember we are what we project.

We attract into our lives whatever it is we are looking for. Reminding me we really have to be careful about what we project because that is exactly what we will attract. Life gives us exactly what we ask not often the way we thought it would happen or not when we thought it would happen sometimes but it does. Reminding me the power of suggestion is all important.

Thank you for allowing me to see I am the Madame of my Destiny. If I send conflicting messages to the Universe I will attract conflicting gifts back. If I seek clarity, I will get clarity. If I am negative, I will attract negativity. If I am full of love, light, happiness and abundance, I will attract all of these gifts and treasures in my life. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

Yesterday turned into an all inspiring day as a result. Here's to another day.

Calming the helter skelter

There are so many more demands on us than ever before because of the advance in technology. We know too much or we think we know too much about what’s happening all around the world because the information is only a click away on our computers. We are expected to respond quickly to every demand made on us because of the Internet. 

I don’t know about you but I am suffering from brain overload at the moment. I have so many demands, so many choices to make, so many obligations that sometimes I just want to sit in a chair facing the sun on my own and shut the rest of the world off. Sometimes I just want to silence the chatter in my head. The constant demands I put on myself because I am expected to be a certain way. Complete certain tasks. Be on point all the time.

Sometimes I just want to listen to nothing but the sound of silence so I can really and truly hear what my instincts, inner compass, or third eye is trying to tell me. Trying to guide me. Lately I have been feeling flustered trying to keep up. Trying to prioritize what’s important. Trying to please. And I am feeling slightly overwhelmed because I’m not sure if the decisions I am making are the ones I really want to make. Or if I am making them because that’s what everyone expects me to do.

I am trying not to be too hard on myself because I know I am human and I know I am constantly being tested as are so many of you at the moment. I am trying to be patient and surrender to the Universe so it can guide me to where I am meant to be. However I sometimes get impatient and worry that I am missing out on opportunities because I am trying to be it all rather than just being.

Just getting these thoughts out there has helped to calm the energy that has been churning inside me. Has unblocked some of my apprehensions. So this has been a good thing. I just have to let them out every once in a while and hope for the best. I know now that the sound of silence is a gift from the Universe. A gift for us to inhale our chatter and exhale our fears leaving us with clean energy. Allowing us to see the possibility ever present in our lives. The abundance. The love.

I know it is important to believe in possibility. Because possibility gives us hope.  Without hope there is no possibility. We always have to have faith because without faith, there is no hope. We always have to be patient and not over extend ourselves because then we will miss the everyday blessings that are there for the taking.

Today I will take deep breaths whenever I feel myself going helter skelter. I will close my eyes and see myself sitting in that chair all alone facing the sun absorbing its rays and emptying my mind of all the unnecessary chatter. I will allow the rays of the sun to cleanse me. To free me. That way I will accept, believe and know I am blessed. I will know I am enough. I will remember I am all that I am meant to be. And instantly my energy will change and become the loving, forgiving and abundant energy it always is when I allow it.

Embracing the need for colour in my life

I am craving colours at the moment. Wanting more blues, aquamarines in my life. Very strange for me because I am a woman shrouded from head to toe in black because it allows me to blend in. Appear slimmer. Disappear.

But lately I have been feeling very colourful. Needing to add a splash of colour to my black uniform. I always associated black with being chic. Not too outlandish. Safe. Not ruffling anyone’s feather. Not drawing attention to myself.

But for some reason in the last few weeks I have craved colours. Needed more colours. Bright colours. Neon colours. Vibrant colours. Is something inside me changing? Bursting to break free? Come to life?

Am I tired of blending in? Playing it safe? Am I tired of hiding behind black because it has become too predictable? Too safe?

I recently discovered that people who wear black all the time tend to be moody and want to hide. So why am I starting to change?  What is drawing m to colours?  I haven’t been able to put on vibrant colours from head to toe yet. I’m taking it slow. But the desire is there.

I look in my closet and there is a sea of black. Darkness. So the process of change will be gradual. Particularly since I am a monochromatic dresser. I like to have one colour on from top to bottom. Because the majority of my wardrobe is black, I am throwing in accent pieces that enhance the black.  Gives it a little bit of an edge. Helps to build my confidence to get to the point of being bright and colourful.

What’s reassuring is whenever I find the nerve to put on a colour and walk out of the house in it, I get so many compliments about how I look. Thinking even further back when I met my husband some 22 years ago I was wearing aquamarine and he thought I was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Perhaps I’m finally starting to fall in love with me again and hence the desire to be colourful.

Whatever this need to have colour in my life is I am going to explore it because I can feel my soul singing, my heart skipping a beat, my whole being feeling enlightened. Something is definitely starting to happen to me and I’m going to try my best to go with it. Not resist it. Not try to control it. To see where it takes me.

People that wear black a lot like to be in control. Maybe finally I am not feeling the need to control everything. Maybe It’s time for me to just let go and let it be. So if you see me walking down the street looking like the rainbow I haven’t lost my marbles, I’m just exploring me that much more. Trying colours on to see what resonates the most with where my being is trying to take me. Embracing the need for colours in my life.

Bring on the colours. I’m ready.

Through the eyes of a 21 year old

William Shakespeare and I share the same birthday and for good reasons that fact popped into my head yesterday morning after waking up to several birthday wishes from my family and friends.

I felt so special yesterday with all the warm messages from everyone so thank you all for making my day memorable. Thank you to my brother Chris for posting a photo of me when I was an eager 21 year old who still saw the world through rose coloured glasses. For reminding me that even at 49 I am not only entitled to still view the world through rose coloured glasses but I can also live my life that way as well.

Shakespeare was one of the greatest writers of our time. There is no coincidence that he and I share the same birthday. It’s a reminder to me of the talent I possess and how I cannot just let it slip sway. I have to continue to explore it. Live it. Breathe it because it is huge part of who I am. Having the same birthday as this great writer is symbolic of what still lies untapped inside of me.

He just went for it and wrote and put himself out there. Exposed himself to the world. Exorcised his innermost desires. And I am slowly but surely doing the same. I will one day be known the same as he was for writing from my soul. For stirring souls. For writing my truth such that it resonates with those who are seeking their truths as well.

Then as a reminder again of my strength as a writer a colleague walked into my office and said he had just seen the insurance book I had written some 8 years ago and was impressed by it. A gift again for my birthday to let me know I am a writer. And I can’t abandon that fact either.

Another sign came to me last night when I was out to dinner with my family. At the end of the meal we all opened our fortune cookies and my message was to live my dreams. I take that to mean that I have to continue to write and one day I can make my birth mate, William Shakespeare proud to have shared the same birth date.

Just like that 21 year old girl whose face was blasted across my Facebook page by my brother with the bright wide eyes who was ready to conquer the world. So am I as a 49 year old woman. Who has lived longer than when that picture was taken. Who still has so much to live for. Write for. Strive for. And to be because I am a writer. A mother. A wife. And a woman living her story. Writing her story. Recording her story and breathing through it every single day.

Thank you to my brother for letting me see that girl again - on the cusp of becoming a woman some 28 years ago. Looking into her eyes. Inspiring me to keep going for it. Innocent but eager. I have her image burned into the back of my mind now. Willing me to make the promises I made many years before come true. And to quote my birth mate, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt".

The power of letting go

I have developed some deep seeded fears since I became a mother. And they have been slowly but surely getting worse every single year. Exacerbated even further once I became a mother a second time some nine years ago. Fuelled even more once I surpassed my mother’s death age some five years ago.

And it was yesterday that I realised why. I have suspected the reason for quite some time but nothing really confirmed it until then. We decided to go bike riding as a family. Something we have not done for quite some time. Because we have designated Sundays as our family day. A day without technology.  Just us. We are redefining the way we spend time with each other. Really spend time with each other. Not just in the same space. But exploring together as well.  So we decided to bike ride together.

I have not been on a bicycle for several years. When my son was first born I used to put him on the back of my bicycle and pedal with him in his little seat. I remember the freedom I felt as the wind whistled past our ears. As we explored together. Uninhibited by anything. And he loved every minute of it. We loved every minute of it together.  We would explore the Island just the two of us pedalling away.

But for some reason after I had my daughter I lost my nerve and packed my bike away. Today when we got the bikes out I tried to sit on the saddle and immediately felt my greatest fear start to kick in- my fear of heights and I started to tremble. I felt so high up off the ground. So wobbly. So out of control. So I started to lose my nerve. To be afraid of riding my bike. I had to talk to myself. Coax myself. Remind myself of how I used to zip along the roads with my son safely in the back. Looking at him on his bike as a growing young man some thirteen years later - so sure , so confident.  Him wanting us all to go out as a family. I decided to swallow my fears and just go with it.

I started very shakily at first. Braking for everything. Afraid of hills, even the slightest one. Afraid of the bumps. Afraid of losing control. Afraid of hurting myself or killing myself in front of my children.  Afraid to let go. And suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. My fears are exacerbated by the fact that I am a mother and I have gone into self preservation mode. I don’t want anything to happen to me because I feel like I’m on borrowed time. I suddenly realised that since I passed my mother’s death age of 44, I have been afraid that my life could end at any minute and I have been trying to do everything possible to preserve myself so I don’t hurt my children as I was hurt when my mother died.

As thoughts raced through my mind. As I watched my family getting their bike legs. Riding along like they had no care on the world. My body trembling. I realised I had to let go. To surrender. To just do it so I could take part in the joy my family was experiencing -riding on a picture perfect Bermudaful day. And slowly I did. I let go. I surrendered and before I knew it, I was flying along with them. The fear and trepidation lessened to concern that we all enjoyed ourselves and got home safely. And we did. And all of us enjoyed pedallling along as a family.

I felt proud of myself for letting go and for riding with my family. Embracing that old sense of abandonment flowing through my veins as it did many years before. Knowing that I can’t change fate and sometimes I just have to enjoy the moment for what it is and be fully present in it rather than worrying about what could be. All from a simple bike ride with my family. Helping me to understand so much more about me. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

We can't always protect our children, sometimes they have to fall

Every year Bermuda does the Agricultural Exhibition which stems from our farm background where people show their farm type animals, flowers, gardens, etc. There are horse riding competitions, food stalls, face painting. It's like a state fair and it’s held over 3 days. A real family event.

My daughter has been horse riding in the show for the last three years – since she started riding actually. This year she entered two new categories, Showmanship and Walk Trot. She is a very good rider but only rides once a week. However she is a natural we have been told and has competed with the best of them and placed.

Today was different. She rode her horse from her riding school to the Exhibition. Riding on the main road for the first time. When she entered the arena, I was so proud of her.  She looked so comfortable. So poised on her horse. So elegant. I saw glimpses of her as a young lady. Making my heart skip a beat.

She entered her first competition, Showmanship, where basically she had to hold the horse’s reins and walk and trot the horse in front of judges. Despite looking good, she did not place. Her philosophy was sometimes I will place and other times I won’t.

Next came her second competition where she had to walk and trot according to the instructions given. This time her horse just would not cooperate with her. No matter what she did, he just wanted to eat the grass. I was watching from the distance and I could see the poise and confidence slowly but surely slipping away from my daughter, Her shoulders slumped. I could read her expression and could see she was panicking. Letting the situation control her. Rather than the other way around. I could see she was fighting back tears because she had lost control therefore she could no longer control her horse. I could see she was trying her best to hold it all together but couldn’t.

My heart was breaking as I watched my little girl crumble. I wanted to run out on the field and rescue her. Take her away from the heartbreak she was experiencing. The judges saw she was losing it so they allowed her to leave the circle early. I rushed down the hill to get to my little girl and as soon as she saw me she just let it all out.

I pulled her down off her horse and hugged her to me and just let her cry. Let her get her frustration, disappointment, and whatever else she was experiencing out.  Her little body was shaking in my arms as she cried and cried. I wanted to erase what had happened to her. Wanted to rewind the hands of time. But I couldn’t. She couldn’t. There was nothing we could do except move on.

Eventually she calmed down and told me that she was not upset because she did not place. She was upset because she lost control when her horse lost control. It was then that I explained to her that she had received an invaluable life lesson. And the lesson was that in order to have control we have to let go of ego and expectation. Her horse was making her a stronger rider by forcing her to face situations she would not normally.

She pulled herself together. Took off her horse riding clothes and changed into her street clothes Pulled her hair out of her pigtails and bows and went about enjoying the day with her cousins. Letting go of what had happened to her. Realising it was done. And she had to move on.

Watching my little girl today bounce back from great disappointment made me realise just how resilient we all are when we let go of pride. Watching her also made me realise she will be okay in life because she has already faced disappointment and knows that moment will pass quick enough. And more importantly I realised my daughter will experience heart ache sometimes because she needs to. I won’t be able to rescue her even when I am really close because the lesson is hers to learn. Today showed me that. A hard lesson for both of us, my daughter in particular, but one we needed to learn.

Grateful to be home

Home sweet home. What a feeling to be back in my own bed with my little girl snuggled in on one side and my husband on the other. Those are the moments I treasure more than anything when I get back from travelling. The comfort of home.

I was truly grateful when the flight landed yesterday because it started off with a loud bang and strange rocking. Those who were talking went quiet. Those of us who had escaped into our own worlds tried to maintain our calm composure. But I know my mind was racing trying to process and reject what had happened. Snatching me out of my inner world. It sounded and felt like something had dropped off the airplane. In that moment when time felt like it was suspended I said a silent prayer.

And then the steward announced we had hit the wake of an airplane some ten miles away. He laughed a bit and then proceeded to tell us that’s why it’s important to keep our seat belts on because you never know when we could hit unexpected turbulence.

The woman sitting next to me and I both relieved for some explanation, looked at each other then I said, “I have never experienced anything like that before.” And she agreed.

Then we went back to our separate worlds. Me thinking and praying that I got home safely. Telling the Universe I still had children to raise, a husband to love, a home to go to and a life I was not finished living. After then I surrendered what was to be to the Universe and went back to reading my book.

When the flight touched down on the ground without another incident, I was so grateful. I turned to the woman sitting next to me and said, “Welcome home.”

She said I was great to be home and how good it was that the flight turned out to be so smooth after the strange incident.

My response was, “Yes it is. But it really shows how quickly life can change in an instant.”

My husband was on the outside waiting to pick me up and as we drove I drank in the beautiful colours unique to my Island home. The bright sunshine. Contrasting against the turquoise and blues of the ocean. The clear skies. The vibrant colours of the flowers and leaves – like colours of the rainbow. No grotty city streets. No tall buildings. Just the simplicity and abundance of nature all around me. I inhaled the fresh air and held it before exhaling the gratitude I felt. Sending it out into the Universe.

Then later that evening, as my son was walking away he turned to me and said, “I really did miss you mommy.” What more could I ask for as a warmth spread through me. The love of the Universe flowing through me letting me know all was well.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my little chick of the village bird chirping away merrily. As if he was welcoming me back home too. Gratitude spreading through my body as I thanked the Universe for letting me have another day to experience the wonders of life. Gratitude for the abundance in my life. Gratitude for my family. Gratitude for simply waking up this morning safely in my own bed. In my own home. Ready to take on another day of this journey called life.

World of possibility coexisting with a world without

Yesterday I walked through the streets of Philadelphia. Needing to be out in the air. Needing to breathe after being in intense meetings. And what I saw were two different worlds coexisting. Touching but not interacting.
There were so many homeless people or street people everywhere I walked. Begging for money. Pleading for money. Making my heart ache. I had to stop looking at them. Stop looking in their eyes because I would have gone home without a penny. I would have given them everything I had. But I didn't  because I knew deep inside I could not help them all.  I worried that if I gave them money they would not use it wisely. I worried about which one to help. So I did not. I just walked on.
But the guilt of my abundance and their lack of it consumed me. Made me feel ill. Tears are still welling in my eyes as I think about all the wastage in the world. While there are so many people going without. So many people that have lost their way. So many people struggling to survive.
Watching people like myself dressed in suits walking past these people who have nothing. Into our worlds of abundance and excess while the people we walked past have nothing. Stopping me from shopping because I realised I really don't need anything else materially. Particularly after seeing the street people carrying all of their possessions with them in bundles. Forcing me to think about what's important. About why I feel the need to buy more when I have so much already.
What am I afraid of that I need to buy more? Am I in no better position than the people on the street? The ones whose eyes have lost the light. The ones who seemed to be imprisoned in their own minds. Am I any better off than they are? Am I lost in acquiring more rather than finding my own inner peace? Are we all?
I thought about why my life is the way it is and their lives are the way they are. Questioned how two different worlds can coexist without merging. Without colliding. Making me wonder why the city felt so grimy to me. So dark almost like there was no light.
I thought about my life and all the choices I have. Knowing it's because I have put myself in a position that allows me to make choices. Thought about those people lying on the sidewalk. Sheltering in the doorways out of the cold. Those holding their hands out to anyone who would entertain them. And thought about how pride does not exist in their lives. How ego has no place in their world. My mind lingered on  how vacant their eyes looked. Of how wild and afraid their eyes looked. Of how dull their eyes look.
I remember the lack of passion in all of their eyes. Like the light has been stripped out of their beings. Leaving them as mere shells rather than as living light beings. Taking me back to the words  of TD Jakes speaking about the need for us all to have purpose in our lives. Reminding me that I must pursue my passion whatever way possible so I don't lose my way. Because without passion there is no purpose. And that's what I saw in the faces of all those people I walked by. No passion and hence no purpose.
And then I understood why there are two worlds coexisting side by side. It's because there is a world where people believe in possibility and a world where they don't. A constant reminder to us all that we are not defined by our circumstances. Rather we are defined by the way we respond to our circumstances. Sometimes it takes a jolting situation to remind us to be grateful every single day for eveything we have. To have empathy and compassion for all those we encounter because they are a reflection of our inner most souls. A reminder of the fact that there are merely six degrees of seperation between us all.

Every person deserves to be acknowledged

Yesterday morning I was having a breakfast meeting in the restaurant of the hotel I am staying in and made a point of looking at and greeting the man that was setting up the buffet. His eyes lit up. His face lit up. His whole posture changed. And his reaction had an equal effect on me.
I realised just by greeting this man and looking at him, I made him feel he was worthy. That he was acknowledged. That he was not just an invisible being floating in the background. He even stood taller. The smile that came onto his face was priceless. The joy that ran through me as a result was wonderful. Uplifting. Touching me in a way I had not even anticipated.
This man did not realise he was my angel for the day. To remind me that every person has a purpose in life. Every person deserves acknowledgement, empathy, compassion and understanding. And it does not matter what his or her standing in life is. If not by the grace of God anyone of us could be in the positions of any one of the people we sometimes overlook.
This man reminded me of this important lesson by the light that came into his eyes simply because I greeted him. No one deserves to be ignored or looked down upon. Everyone deserves to be acknowledged.
I watched him from afar after our encounter and I saw bit by bit his swagger diminish. His shoulders sag. His pride diminishing with each person that came to the buffet table and did not acknowledge him. Overlooked him as if he was piece of the furniture. I sighed deeply and thought of how I will make it a point every morning that I am here to smile at the man, acknowledge him. Thank him for replenishing that buffet because without him there would be no food for any of us staying in this hotel to eat.
A lesson to us all, we are all human. All born from a mother. Seeded by a father. Living on this planet together. Trying to find our place. Our love. Our light. Our happiness. Our passion. Our peace. Some of us have made choices that have allowed us to be in higher social standings than others. But at the end of the day we are all the same. Let's not overlook anyone again particularly when they are in a place of service to us.
Gratitude to the buffet man at my hotel for reminding me of this invaluable lesson. The lesson of how simple it is to bring light into our lives by bringing light into the life of those who may feel they are in darkness.

Everything that happens in our lives is preparing us for where we are

The other night I was at a dinner surrounded by business people from around the world. A social business dinner brought together by a man with a huge heart. A man who develops relationships and values them so the people he brings together are usually people with good hearts.
This is my second year that I have had the honour of being invited to sit at this table. The beginning of the dinner starts with drinks and it tends to be awkward at first with people jockeying for position. Sussing people out. Trying to figure out who is who. Making sure trade secrets are not given away but at the same time trying to establish relationships that would not otherwise happen if not for the dinner.
But by the end of the evening, once the wine has flowed, food has been eaten and the guards come down. The postering long forgotten. The conversations become so much more interesting. People talk about what they are really thinking. What they are really feeling. And it is so interesting to watch the body language begin to shift. Relax.
As people begin to see and understand that no matter where we come from geographically, racially, or culturally, at the end of the day we each have a human story to tell. And it matters not the boundaries, the backgrounds, the professional positions, or beliefs. What matters most is our underlying desire to be heard, respected, acknowledged and embraced.
I watched last night as a woman at my table opened up about a very personal story that happened to her many years before. A story of how her eyes were opened to the wider world having come from a protected and somewhat utopian back ground. Of how instead of that experience forcing her to shut herself off from the world or limit her belief of possibility in herself, she became a student of the world. Learning much more about what makes people think, understanding how to deal with many different people from from many different cultures. Crafting herself into a relationship person because she had experienced a humilating experience in her early years. Teaching her above all else empathy is more important than power. The power of listening is more important than talking to be heard. The power of compassion is much more effective than aggression.
How everyone at the table was enraptured by her story. Mesmirised even. Because she was being so honest. So raw. So true. Changing the dynamic of the table simply by being true about who she is and where she has come from. To have a place at that table coming from a place so alien to where she sat the other night. I felt the light fill my heart with joy.
I looked round the room and particularly at the people I had been placed with by the Universe and knew I was being reminded of how important it is to forgive, have compassion, not burn bridges and most of all, how important it is to be present. We are an interdependent global community. Boundaries coming down as we are working more with people from across the world. And we all are striving for the same thing - to be loved, listened to and respected.
I am so grateful for all that comes into my life knowing it is there for a reason. Not by coincidence. Not by accident. But by fate and faith. Compassion and love.  And to remind me of the abundance I have in my life by seeing the abundance in others.

We get everything we are

Man is free the instant he wants to be. Voltaire
I was on one of my favourite website, Positively Positive, when I saw this quote and it sent shivers down my spine.
It is a concept that I have been wrestling with for quite some time. Questions like how do I free my mind from the limitations I have placed on myself. Or from the limitations I have allowed people to place on me? How do I break out of the fear I have allowed to cause me to think I am so limited? Not worthy.
I have been reading a lot of stories about people surrendering to the Universe. Letting go and letting God. And wondering how we as humans can actually live without expectations, anticipation, attachment, projection and fear. How some people can embrace the surrendering concept while others can't.
Wondering what my purpose is in this life. Actually knowing what my purpose is in this life. To give love, light, peace and possibility to those that come into my space and in turn having them returned to me by sharing.
So why do I know what my purpose is but don't feel it all the time. Why do I sometimes allow the bars in my brain to slam down around me making me fear who I am amd what I am doing. Making me nervous to articulate to anyone what I represent. And am.
I was at a function the other night and someone asked me what turns me on outside of work. And I really had to think about it before I answered. I was almost embarrassed to say writing turns me on because I was trying to think of something so much more profound. I was trying to find something that would knock his socks off. He told me that he rode heavy motobikes, ran, skied and did all kinds of physical activities .
I was stumped because I felt like I did not have a life compared to his. I felt like I was not adventurous. That I was more interested in my mental and spiritual growth rather than my physical. And I was nervous to express that. He looked at me expectantly. Waiting for my answer.
I swallowed hard then quietly told him that I like to write. That I write every single day. That I write spiritual, how to find yourself stuff every single day. Yet I was too nervous to tell him that I write a blog. That I write my blog every single day even when he asked me what I do with my writing. Even when he asked me why I don't share my writing because there could be people who want to read what I write. I didn't tell him about my blog.
Why is it that writing is my passion yet I am afraid of its possibility. That I am afraid of being judged by people, particularly people that fall into my everyday work circle. My conversation with that person bothered me all night so when I saw the quote from Positively Positive, I knew I had to explore it. So I set it as the topic of my blog to see where it would take me. And interestingly enough it has taken me here. To remind me that I am only free when I want to be.
I need not be ashamed of who I am. Of what my passions are. And of what my possiblities are. I just have to embrace the freedom that is readily available to me. Without judgement. Without anticipation. Without attachment. That I have to let go and Let God. Surrender.
As Serena Dyer said in a blog she posted for Positively Positive, "You don't get what you want, you get what you are."   A wonderful reminder to me that freedom comes from knowing I am getting everything that I am and I need not be ashamed of it. And neither should you. Neither should we. Because we are all worthy of who we are. That's the only way we can be truly free.

We are more resilient than we think

It’s amazing how easily we adapt to change. Sometimes without even realising we have until something happens to make us see just how adaptable we really are.

Yesterday morning I was driving my car to work. A new car that we got under protest from me because I like being high up and this car is low to the ground almost – at least that’s what I thought when I first got in it.  We got this car because my husband said he is sick of driving around in a car that has no power or get up to it. He said he wanted a real car.

So when I first got into our car three weeks ago, I was terrified because I have not driven a car so low to the ground since we had our son 13 years ago when I had to give up my low to the ground convertible for a family mobile as I like to call them. Our son hated being in the backseat  of the convertible because I guess he felt like he was too closed in. Every time he got in his car seat he would scream. I remember it taking me nearly 2 hours to get home on a journey that normally takes 25 minutes one day because my son cried and screamed the whole way. And being the new mom that I was, I stopped every few feet to comfort him because I didn’t want him to feel rejected. I traded the car in shortly after that for one so he could be higher up and could see out. Smart decision because once he got in our new car,  he never cried again.

Fast forward 13 years later and I am back to driving a car lower down. Each day when I got into the car I prayed that I would not hit it or make a fool out of myself because I didn’t have the viewpoint I was used to having from my perch in the family cars.

Yesterday morning something really interesting happened while I was driving into work. I suddenly realised that I was not nervous. That I did not feel like I was sitting on the ground. That I actually liked the feel of the car when it accelerates with little to no effort. That I like the way it handles corners.

I felt for the first time that though my vantage point had changed, I was now seeing things I didn’t before because I was too high up to see them. And I enjoyed how I felt seeing those new things. Forcing me to smile because I realised that this simple act of driving my car after about three weeks and feeling comfortable driving was a message from the Universe. Reminding me of just how adaptable I am. How adaptable we all are. And even more so reminding me when we let go of the expectations or preconceived notions about how things are meant to be, we discover that the change was not that bad at all. In fact we discover it was necessary to help us see things from a different vantage point. Offering us the opportunity to grow in ways we did not expect.

Reminding me I am more resilient than I think and so are you.

Purpose over Provision

I started to write this morning and TD Jakes popped into my head again. This time reminding me that Greatness is contagious. You’ll catch it if you get around it. The very thing that scares you the most is the very thing that teaches you the most.

So I went back to my notes I took during his Life Class with Oprah and was overwhelmed by the numerous pearls of wisdom he imparted time after time. I had so many Aha moments during his Life Class that at one point I was in tears because my whole mind, body and soul resonated with the message he was delivering.

It was like he was preaching the words of the Universe directly to me. I felt like I was called to the mountaintop by him. Like I was being challenged to accept who I am and who I am capable of becoming if I get out of my own way.

Money without purpose doesn’t make you wise he continued. There are so many rich people who are crazy. Don’t seek provision. Seek purpose. When you find your purpose, you won’t have to work hard to get your provision.

The most beautiful thing in the world is someone who knows who he or she is. People who are on point are focussed. People who are fulfilled on themselves are very attractive. When you know who you are, you are safe in who you are. And you don’t need anyone to validate you or to be validated at all. When you embrace yourself and accept yourself for who you are, you are living life on purpose.

Fear will never lead you to a positive end. Allow yourself to be worthy of being your own best friend.

Remember always that life puts us in positions that make us give what we don’t have. TD Jakes said, “You can never reap a dividend if you don’t invest. If you make the investment up front, the investment will come back later.” Sometimes later than we expected but it comes. He quoted a powerful African proverb that says, “The danger with this generation is they want to eat their dinner in the morning.”  In other words, we want the payback too soon. So we give up too soon. Often just before the payback comes.

We are being controlled by our feelings. In order to move into the blessings of the future you must first relinquish the pains of the past.

People will define you by how they met you. Turn that period into a comma. Don’t let people put a period where God wants it to be a comma. Find your purpose no matter how someone else tries to define you. Put you on a box.

Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Forgiving is a gift you give to yourself.

The most dangerous thing in the world is to have no purpose. Giving our strength to stuff that doesn’t make a difference. Find that which is worth it then give your strength to that instead and your purpose will follow.

Purpose can be found in our darkest times. Purpose is our life’s passion. Our passion will lead us into our purpose.

Don’t try to spend your life trying to be something that you are not.

If everything went the way you wanted it to go, you wouldn’t know how good you are.

Passion and Purpose are partners.

Our inner sense of passion empowers us to be what we are meant to be.

In order to ignite passion, you have to get out and get exposed. When you are exposed, you see the myriad of options out there. You learn and accept the Universe is an abundant place – of which you are a part. Therefore there is nothing stopping you from tapping into it except your limited experience of it.

Greatness is contagious. Get out there and surround yourself with those you admire. Be in there space. Be in their presence so their greatness rubs off on you. So that you can become the great person you are meant to be. So that we can become the great people we are meant to be.

I hope these words of encouragement from TD Jakes mean as much to you as they do to me. Be inspired today to find and become the greatness we are all meant to be. Purpose over Provision.

Amen TD Jakes. Amen Oprah. Amen to the light bringers. In gratitude. And reverence.

The greater the digression, the stronger the progression

Yesterday I had a few setbacks and I felt myself plummeting into a downward spiral. My whole body felt ill. My thoughts were becoming toxic. And I felt like I was in a dark tunnel. All on my own. With nowhere to turn.  And no one to talk to. Because I did not know how to vocalise what I was feeling.

Then after a moment of silence and focusing within, I received two treasures through Divine Intervention:

The first one was a memory of Tony Robbins saying we need to stop looking for people to affirm the way we are feeling. Instead we need to snap ourselves out of our downward spirals by changing our stories. Tough but true. Changing our stories to a more positive one changes our outlook. Adjusts our attitude.

Second I saw my quote for the day which stated, “A negative feeling indicates that your current choice of thoughts is so out of harmony with your Source Energy that you are disallowing your full connection to that Energy Stream. (You could say that your fuel tank is approaching empty). Your emotions do not create, but they do indicate what you are currently attracting, If your emotions help you know that your choice of thought is not taking you in the direction that you deserve to go, then do something about that: Replenish your connection by choosing better-feeling thoughts."

I breathed deep after these two thoughts knowing the Universe is trying its best to stir me. To guide me. To help me remember that I am the creator of my reality. Only I have the power to make the changes I want in my life. I cannot dwell on the negative. Nor can I blame anyone else for situations I may find myself in. Or for the choices I have made.

My thought process shifted to the Oprah Life Class with Pastor TD Jakes, a man I thought I did not like because of his religion and his wealth. But for some reason I watched the Life class the night before realising now that it was preparing me for the setbacks I was going to face yesterday. TD Jakes says that we all have to recognise the greatest digression is what propels our greatest progression. And I am accepting that I am in this digression because I am about to make a huge shift - progression if I am patient and go with the flow of things. I accepting that what I perceive is working against me is actually working for me. Making me stronger. Mire resourceful. More compassionate.

I had to talk to myself yesterday. Refill my mind, body and soul with the fact that I am worthy of all that comes before me. All that I receive, I am worthy of receiving. And I cannot forget that ever. And neither can you.

I am successful at whatever I do. Wherever I am and whomever I am with because I was born for a reason. I was put here to bring light into this world and to myself and that is something I have to remind myself of when I start heading down a long dark road. And so can you. We all have the power to shift our stories, harness our digressions to fuel our progressions and also to choose better feeling thoughts.

All it takes is one person to make a difference

Last night I took my daughter to see The Lorax movie based on the book written by Dr. Seuss. We sat through the movie with the singing and dancing. Watching a premonition unfold of what life for all of us will become if we don’t stop wasting our natural resources.

We sat in the theatre and laughed at the story because they had to make it humorous for people to go to see it. But behind the humour was a very serious message. It only takes one person to make a difference. Because when the one person steps outside the box, others will follow. Sometimes we are like sheep. Herded to the well and then we all fall over the edge because we are so busy trying to be accepted. Have what everyone has. Live what is considered to be the high life. But a lot of us are dying on the inside. Searching for meaning. The light and in the case of the boy in the Lorax searching for a real tree.

Watching Dr. Seuss took me back to a time thirteen years ago when I decided I was going to quit the corporate world to take care of my son. I was thirty six years old. I knew my most important job I would ever do in my life was to give my son the gift of me as a mother helping him to develop in his formative years.

I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I was going to get by financially. But I decided to throw fate to the wind and be where I knew I needed to be. As time wore on and finances became tight, I applied for a job as a freelance writer for one of the local newspapers. And lo and behold two days later I got a very nervous call from the woman who was to be my new boss offering me the job and at the same time apologising profusely for how little they were going to pay me.

She did not know how she made my day by offering me the job.  I took the job without hesitation. It was my first real job in the writing world. I didn’t care if they paid me one penny. Not only was someone acknowledging me as a writer; she was willing to pay me to write. I was in seventh heaven.

My first assignment was to write about the Dr. Seuss Day at the Children’s Library. And I remember doing the research on Dr. Seuss and feeling every creative juice in my body coming to life as Dr. Seuss snuck into my psyche. Filling my mind, body and soul with possibility. My fingers typed across the page without me even knowing how I began because the magic in his writing became a part of me. Giving me the wings to become a writer through and through.

Here it is some thirteen years later and it was so poetic to go to see this movie with my daughter and to be reconnected with the man who changed my life through his writings. Writings he composed many years before. And how they are still making a difference in a lot of people’s lives even though he is dead and gone. Because he was being true to himself.

Dr. Seuss was showing us he cared and wanted each of us to care about each other, our environment and everyone we encounter because we each have a role to play in this journey called life. To quote him from the end of the Lorax movie, "Unless someone like you...cares a whole awful lot...nothing is going to get better...It's not." 

In the right place at the right time

I saw the most beautiful photograph yesterday. And for some reason I could not stop thinking about it.  I could not get it out of my head.  It was like a message was being sent to me that I needed but I could not comprehend what it was.

I sent a message to the person who took the photo telling him how awesome I thought it was. To which he responded he was out walking and the timing was perfect to capture the photo.

And then I knew exactly what message was being sent to me. Life is about being in the right place at the right time. And that does not mean we have to go out trying to find the perfect moment. Or even the right time. It means we have to be present in all surroundings, all situations, and everywhere we are at all times because every situation presents us with an opportunity.

Sometimes the opportunity comes simply disguised in an innocent walk in the morning. Sometimes it comes during tumultuous times. Opportunity often comes when we least expect it because that’s when it is the purest.

It is often in our silence. In our acceptance of where we are. In our place of gratitude. Solitude and Peace that the clearest answers come. It is not in the expected, forced or plotted.

This photograph of the cruise ship in the middle of the rock is a perfect example of being ready when we least expect opportunity. Being open to the Universe to the abundance, gifts and treasures it offers us every single day. My friend didn’t know that by posting his photo that he became my angel for the day. Shining his light on me by helping me to remember that life is all about being in the right place at the right time. Without looking for it. Without expecting it. But being open to all that the Universe has to offer and being grateful for its abundance.

It also reminded me that we are always where we are meant to be. It’s just sometimes we are more prepared than others. And more importantly sometimes we are more open to receive the gifts and treasures of the Universe than other times.

Take a look at this perfect photo taken by an ordinary person on an ordinary walk on an ordinary day. Yet he was able to capture the extraordinary in an ordinary moment by being extraordinarily present and open to Universe in the right place at the right time.

A perfect Sunday with no technological interference, almost anyway

Well we did it. I did it. Sort of anyway.

What a marvellous day we had yesterday. No computers aside from first thing in the morning when I posted my blog. Although I did cheat and checked my cell phone from time to time to see if there were any emails. Trying to not look at anything from a technology standpoint is harder than I thought. Almost like a drug. Very addictive.  Actually I worried that I might hurt someone’s feelings if I did not respond right away to their emails. Can you believe it? What kind of world do we live in that we fear not responding to someone right away?

I forced myself to not think about the emails. But I found myself every few hours peeking at my cell phone. Better than having it by my side so I could instantly respond.

Because of our first no technology day, we spent a fabulous day together. At home. Doing lots but nothing in particular.  I prepared a pancake breakfast for my family. We ate on our covered porch listening to the pouring rain. Watching it clear away to be replaced by brilliant sunshine.

Then my husband and I sat on the back porch, my Buddha garden, as I call it and read books and magazines. With the sun shining brightly down on us as if there had been no rain. Our children rode their bikes around the neighbourhood. Having a wonderful time out in the fresh air.

Hours flew by without it seeming like it. The children periodically checking in on us between riding their bikes. Then it was time for a late afternoon lunch/ dinner. My daughter insisted on preparing it for us as she is an avid fan of The Food Network. So she is convinced she is a Top Chef! She and I prepared the food and set it up outside buffet style. We ate and chatted about many different topics. It was wonderful to have shut the outside world off and concentrated on us. Talking. Exploring. Just being with each other. Reconnecting with each other. Listening to different viewpoints.

Then we started doing a crossword puzzle together. I was pleasantly surprised by the broad and general knowledge of my 8 year old daughter and 13 year old son. My daughter remembering from school that a mother of pearl is a nacre! We didn’t believe her so we looked it up and she was right! Amazing.

My son telling me terms from his geography class. It was a wonderful good old fashioned day ending with my husband burning old leaves in a barrel. All of us standing around watching the colours of the flames change as the different materials burned. My husband saying as day turned into night, “What a wonderful family day we had together. “

My son answering, “Yes, I love Sundays.”

Me saying, “And this is how our Sundays will be from now on. No computers. Just us being together, talking, Discovering each other, being together.”

Both of our children shrugged their shoulders and said, “That’s okay.”

Not missing their computer or I pad. Just happy we were together. Doing nothing fancy but being in each other’s company. A perfect Sunday. A wonderful family day. On Easter Sunday. Who could ask for more?

Finding the willpower to reserve Sundays for me and my family

Happy Easter everyone.

I stayed in bed with my daughter wrapped around me like a snake. Feeling her warm body curled into mine. Her head full of curls tickling my nose. My husband cuddled into the other side and dared not move. The sweetness of the moment. The comfort of the moment. Becoming more important than getting up and doing anything else.

I felt my blog calling my name. Lulling me. Trying to pull me out of my comfort zone. But I resisted. Writing this blog is like my lifeline at the moment. It keeps me centred. Focused. By allowing me to understand a lot about what is going on with me on a deeper level. However I am also feeling like I need a day to allow those feelings to fester. To grow. To go in directions untouched by me.

I also feel Sunday mornings are turning into my mornings of relaxation with my family and a time for me to chill out and think of nothing.

Therefore I have decided that I am not going to blog on Sundays anymore. I need a day to be with me and with my family without feeling compelled to do anything. Not to say I don’t enjoy writing my blog, I do. In fact, it may be very difficult for me to resist the desire to stir my feelings. Harness them.  Write about them. I don’t know if I will be strong enough to do it but I am going to try.

I am also reaching a point where I want my children to have a day without being online or being on the computer so I have to set an example by having a day when electronics are turned off and we spend a good old fashioned day together. Enjoying each other with no interference from the outside world.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. And I hope I can remain true to my commitment to reserving Sunday as our family’s sacred day to being together.

So I’m off to enjoy today with my family even if it means staying in our PJs all day. Just being together is enough before I have to go back out into the rat race tomorrow. Enjoy your Easter Sunday, whatever the day represents for you.

Inner Peace and Strength from the Circle of Peace

Yesterday was the most amazing last day of our family vacation. We ended our morning in Jeffersonville, Vt at the our favourite restaurant, The Mix, indulging in food we did not need but wanted. Chatting with the locals like we were locals ourselves.
The weather was picture perfect, almost warm ushering in the true feeling of Spring as we drove out of Jeffersonville on our way to Burlington. Talking , reminising about the time we had spent at the Notch.
We arrived early in Burlington to overnight for our very early flight out. The day was just too beautiful to waste away inside our hotel. So I did some research online and found this park  called the Oakledge Park that looked amazing. We decided to go to the park to bask in the beauty of the day.
We arrived at the Park and walked along the bike path marvelling at the perfect weather. The majestic trees. The sound of a red bird calling out to us but we could not find him. People running. Walking dogs. Mothers playing with children in the playground. Families out together. Friends skateboarding. Riding bikes. Teenagers hanging out in the large treehouse.
We walked until we found what I was looking for - the Burlington Earth Clock - a circle of Peace. It reminded me of a modern Stonehenge. A circle of granite stones by Circles for Peace.
According to their website www.circlesforpeace.org, "Circles for Peace is a Vermont grassroots non-profit project that is based on the philosophy that by witnessing of the rhythms and cycles of nature we can restore inner peace and inner strength....
 "The Earth Clock is a 43-foot diameter stone circle consisting of 14 five-to-ten-foot-high stones in a ring. The stones are aligned like a compass. When you stand in the center and look west to the Adirondack Mountains, the five stones on that side are positioned to mark the horizon where the sun sets at the Solstices, Equinoxes and the mid-points between these times of the year.
"The center of the circle is a sundial made of flat granite, so when you stand in the exact center of the circle, your shadow tells the time of day."
The Earth Clock was exactly what I had anticipated. Standing in the centre of the stones I felt a strong sense of peace. Looking out between the stones and seeing Lake Champlain in the background. Listening to the waves rolling genty on the beach. Inhaling the fresh air.Closing my eyes. Feeling like I was being transported to a place and time many years before and many years to come. All while feeling firmly centred on where I was. A sense of infinity behind my closed eyes while in the protection of the stones. The tallest one resonating the most with me. Long, white, clean. Its energy flowing into me. Mingling with mine. Inner strength renewed.
Keeping my eyes closed and feeling the magic of the moment seeping through my being. Hearing the soft lulling of the water. Saying to my husband the sound of water is always the same no matter where we are, no matter what it looks like. It always has the same soothing effect on the mind, body and soul.
Having the backdrop of the Earth Clock behind us adding more to the feeling of joy and warmth I felt. Grateful for having found the treasure of the Earth Clock in its picturesque setting. Offering peace to all who are open to receive it. Set in nature's bounty. Gratitude seeping through me as I watched my children exploring the rocks, running along the beach. Arm in arm with my husband letting the peace flow from the rocks through me to my husband to my children as they came to embrace us as well.

Ending our family vacation amongst a circle of peace, surrounded by nature, filled with love. Birds chirping above. Families riding by on bikes. My family all together experiencing unobstructed love and peace together. Surrendering to and harnessing Inner Peace and Inner Strength. Just as the Circle of Peace was meant to do. All on a Full Moon day. Good Friday. A day of peace and love. Of surrender under a perfect blue cloudless sky. Such gratitude. Such love. Such peace. Amen

Magic in the Moonlight

After a full day of sitting at a Waterpark watching my children having the time of their lives. My nose burning from the strong smell of chlorine. My mouth dry too as a result. I feel so fortunate to be in a family of love.
My husband and I sat on the sidelines yesterday and let our children just be children. Running up and down the stairs. Flying down giant  waterslides. Splashing in the water. Swimming. Floating.  Often hand in hand. Side by side. My husband and I proud that our children love each other so much that they get along so well. Watching them enjoying each other's company.
Then on the drive back from the Waterpark, our daughter suggested because last night was our last night at the Notch, we should go out for a nice family dinner. By the time we got back to the condo, we were all too tired to even think about dressing up so we went to the village restaurant. Nothing fancy but we didn't need anything fancy. All we wanted was to be together. Just the four of us.
As we were eating my husband got really excited and told us to look out the window. When we turned, we saw the moon, nearly full, sitting on top of the dark mountains. Almost as if the mountains had birthed it. Bright as could be. A stark contrast against the dark night mountains. Clouds falling to the side allowing the bright nearly full moon to illuminate the night sky. In its full glory.
A chill ran down my spine as the beauty of the moon took my breathe away. Light in the midst of darkness. Looking at my husband. Loving him that much more for being romantic enough to get excited about a rising moon. Looking at my children who were equally excited. Revelling in the magic of the moment that had unfolded before my eyes from something as simple as a rising moon being given its space to shine as the clouds rolled away.
A perfect ending to a lazy vacation at the Notch. And then just like that the light was snuffed out by the clouds rolling back in. Dark. Obscuring the moon. Like it never existed. But it did and still was there. It was just behind the clouds. Reminding me that behind every dark cloud there is light. As long as we have patience, faith and love, we will always have the endurance to find and see the light again. Because it's always there. Sometimes obscured. But there nonetheless.
And then just like the moon burst out from behind the clouds again. This time higher in the night sky. Brighter. Fuller. As if it too was appreciating the fact that I was appreciating its light. Reminding me magic is always there in every way. And so is the light.

The direction you hold your head in is where you will go

Yesterday my heart filled with joy as I watched my family skiing together. My son snowboarding at first cautiously because the only other time he had snowboarded was last year on a ski trip with his school in Switzerland. And he ended up breaking his arm on the second last day. I thought he was very brave just to get back on the snow board again. I watched his body as he started to snowboard, I saw how tense he was at first. Nervous. Cautious. Trying to find his snowboarding feet again.
I watched my husband who has not skied for 14 years try out his knees that were operated on 5 yearsbefore. Watched him start out cautiously. Body tense. Almost like my son.
I watched my daughter who has never skiied or snowboarded before run after them. Trying to feel their energy so that when the ski instructor came she would understand the energy necessary for her to ski as well.
I watched my husband get his ski feet back. His skiiing faster. More skillful each time he skiied. His energy renewed and excited about the fact that he could ski again. Saw him feel free again. Watched him get his wings to fly down the slopes.
I watched my children go off with the ski instructor. Nervously. Not knowing what to expect but following behind him. I took photos. Excited for them. Glorying in the opportunities they have over the ones I did not. Gratitude for being in a position to give them these opportunities I never had. Grateful they are grateful for having these opportunities.
I watched my daughter get up on the snow board, take off and fall over and over again. The moment she got any speed under her, she would collapse to the ground. To control her speed. And no matter how many times she fell.  She did not give up. She kept getting up. Again and again. Then the lesson was over.
My son more stable on the snowboard. My daughter not quite sure where she was yet with snowboarding. My son and husband went off to ski and snowboard down the mountain together for the first time as father and son. My heart swelling that I have such a diversified man who can teach our children so much. Give our children so much. Be a father for our son and daughter across many different aspects.
I watched as my husband came back down off the slopes flushed with confidence and youth. Our son at his side. Both swelling with pride at having come down the slope as father and son spanning the generations - one on skis and the other on snowboard. Indicative of how times have changed. A twinkle in my husband's eyes as he collected our daughter and took her with them to help her gain her snow feet.
I watched them go up and down the bunny slope together. My two males, husband and son, guiding our little girl protectively. Helping her up each time she fell. Giving her confidence so she could trust herself to come down the slope like them. I watched her standing longer. Upright. Her brother by her side. Coaching her. Coaxing her. And felt my heart swell more with love, pride and joy.
Knowing and understanding love and trust all in one as I watched my family gaining their snow feet together. One slide at a time. No longer looking down at their feet. Instead heads up looking in the direction they wanted to go. Watching their snowboards following the direction their heads aimed. Reminding me that if we look to where we want to be that's where we will go. Gratitude larger than I could have ever imagined as I watched them enjoying themselves. Trusting each other. Gaining more andmore confidence as a family unit.
Picture perfect. Snow falling lightly. The greyness that accompanies the snow. Making everything look like something out of a fairy tale.  A perfect backdrop for an unexpected chance for my family to ski together. As I watched like the lioness protecting his den.  Who could ask for anything better.

What story are you telling? Tony Robbins

Continuing on from my blog yesterday and my high from the Oprah Life class in NYC night before last, I arrived back in Vermont with my family exhausted from my experience. Exhausted by all the information I processed and how much more growth I have ahead of me. Realising that life is constantly challenging us to be the best we can be. Remembering that if I wasn't challenged I would not be growing.
So back to my lessons and experiences. Carrying on from Iylana Vanzant setting the story the week before in the Oprah lifeclass, Oprah and Tony challenged the audience to ask ourselves, "What is the story we're telling ourselves? Is that story holding us back?"
Tony Robbins commanding the stage again by reminding us that it is human nature to find a way out. We often find people to support the story we are telling ourselves. Feeling affirmed because they agree with where we are. When in fact what we need is to find someone that challenges us to be our best by forcing us to stop telling our old stories. A hard pill to swallow but true. When we find ourselves wallowing in our sorrows and surrounding ourselves with people that affirm us, we stay exactly in that place. Moving out of that space is hard particularly if we are challenged by others to change our story.
Tony gave us invaluable hints as to how we can succeed in any level. He says all we are  the following 3 things:
1. Strategy - how do we make the shift? Develop a strategy to find a way to shift.
2. Have the right story - if our story is a lousy story then we will never find the solution so we need the right story
3. Quality state of mind - we need to be in a quality state of mind. Comfort often leads to pestilence. In order to change our state, we have to change our motion. Get moving. Tony telling us that merely changing our state without changing our story does nothing for us. Instead it sets us back to the place where we started.
In order to tap into this story changing mode we have to first acknowledge the following needs identified by Tony as follows:
1. To feel significant - we want to feel significant
2. Certainty - missing certainty
3. Need variety - if you feel stale, stagnant, move, change it
4. Love/connection - we all need to feel loved and connected
5. Growth - we have to grow to experience
6. Contribution - we must feel like we are contributors of society
Accepting these characteristics - inate in all of us. Using them to help us change our story is paramont for our growth. Thank you Tony and Oprah for reminding me how to tap into my inner well to change that old story I have been carrying with me based on my fear of the unknown. Here's to changing my story and hopefully you will too.

In the presence of my idol Oprah Winfrey

Last night I experienced a dream come true . I attended an Oprah Lifeclass in NYC at the Radio City Music Hall. My spiritual mother was there with me as a gift to her for opening my heart to spirituality when I was a very confused twenty something year old some twenty years ago.
We ended up sitting in the Orchestra about 8 rows back from the stage so we were able to see Oprah full on. The energy in the hall was electric. People from all walks of life from many places around the world shared in our common quest to find, harness and understand the light we all carry inside. But don't often see. There to learn from the best. Together in a large crowd hoping the collective energy would help us to reach Aha moments faster than we would individually.
Tony Robbins opened the show by getting us all pumped up and ready for an evening of awakening. He burst onto the stage with his larger than life personality to suit his larger than life stature. He is a very large man in every sense of the word. His raspy voice pulling us all in as he challenged us to shift our emotions by moving.
Tony told us if we want to change our lives, we have to change our state. He believes emotion is created by motion. In order to change our state we have to move. So he had us act out differnt emotions to see how our bodies, minds and souls responded. Much to my surprise he was absolutely right, holding back from people forcing our bodies to tense, our voices become smaller and our whole being wants to retreat. Embracing people and being happy to see them causes our bodies to expand, tingles run down our spines and we have a sense of euphoria. Of openness. Of willingness. Of inclusiveness.
He put us all in the mood for Ms. Oprah to make her grand entrance. And when she did the audience went crazy. She walked on the stage like a woman who knows her place in society, with strength, grace and dignity. Opening the show by telling us her story.
Stating matter of factly as an example herself, "we become what we believe."  Oprah refused to believe she would amount to nothing because she was a poor, black girl from Mississippi. She believed in a higher power and a greater consciousness. Her belief in a higher consciousness became the current that flowed through her life. Opening her life to possibility rather than being closed off based on the lack of expectations of others.
More importantly, a light went off in her head when she was told she was God's child. She believed she was a child of God without question. Because she believed it, she felt she was no less than any other person in the world allowing her to know no one could stop her or limit her except the power of God. This belief propelled her to dizzying heights. To the place where she stood last night commanding the attention of the 5400 people gathered in Radio City Music Hall and the millions who tuned from around the world to see her. That little black girl from Mississippi who has now become one of the most powerful people in the world- simply  because she believed she could.
Over the next few days I will write about some of the insights I gained from being in the audience of a great mind and soul, Ms. Oprah Winfrey, who by her own admission has become a person here to help those of us who are willing to find our life purpose.

It is what it is

Yesterday was the first full day of our family holiday together. And my family was supposed to be skiing but there is no snow. The mountain was closed down because Vermont has only had about 6 inches of snow for the whole season. Unusual for them. Unfortunate for us. So I thought at first.
Initially we were all disappointed because everyone was looking forward to skiing. Now we realise it happened for a reason. So we could just be together without rushing around trying to fit everything into our day. And yesterday was a day spent just like that. No plans. No agenda.
We checked into our unit the night before last disappointed to find that we would not be in one of the homes we have a timeshare for. But as my daughter said while we were driving up the hill, "It is what it is and we just have to accept that everything is the way it is meant to be."
My husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. Was that our eight year old daughter teaching us a lesson? We went to bed that night unsettled. We didn't unpack our bags because we were hoping to be moved to one of the equivalent units to the unit we have a timeshare in. When we woke up yesterday morning, we called right away only to find there was nothing available. Accepting we are where we are meant to be, we settled into our unit.
We went down to our favourite local for breakfast/lunch, The Mix. The food was as good as we remembered. Then we took a walk through the little town and ended up at a playground where my children played like they were little ones again. Without inhibition. Without abandon. Just free and happy.
Later in the day we went on a guided walk through the Nordic trails where we saw a wild racoon lurking in the trees, a tiny chipmunk run across the trail, mushroom growing on trees, and sap being collected from the trees to make maple syrup. We listened to the sound of the running water. We inhaled the fresh mountain air. Observing how different the scenery is compared to when we were here in October. Grateful for having the opportunity to experience the different seasons from a different vantage point.
Having a different experience to the one we thought we would be having. Without the snow. Without the view from the home we thought we would have. Without skiing. But we are together. Enjoying ourselves. Accepting we are where we are meant to be and enjoying the flow. Family time there is nothing like it.
And this morning when we woke up there was a dusting of snow on the ground and on the trees. My daughter was really excited to see it. Not the snow we were hoping for but snow nonetheless. We wanted snow and we got it. We just didn't say how much snow we wanted. Reminding me life gives us exactly what we ask for. We just need to phrase it in a way so it manifests exactly how we want it to.

Our greatest enemy is often ourselves

I watched the end of the movie Soul Surfer with my children last night and felt so inspired by Bethany Hamilton that I had to write a blog about her. She is an amazing example of not letting any handicap, in every sense of the word, hold us back from achieving our dreams.
There was a line at the end that Bethany said, "Life is a lot like surfing. When you get caught in the impact zone you  need to get right back up because you never know what's over the next wave. And if you have faith, anything is possible. Anything at all."
Bethany lost her arm in a shark attack while out surfing one day. Despite losing her arm, she was determined to act the same way she did before losing it. She didn't believe she was any different  physically from the person she was before so she continued to act as if she had two arms. Shortly after losing her arm, she entered a regional and discovered just how different she was now that she had one arm. She found it difficult to surf in the way she used to know.
No matter how hard she tried or how determined she was to keep up with her competitors, she couldn't. Not only was she competing against everyone else, she found herself competing against her strongest foe - herself. She found herself swept up and being thrown around in wave after wave. She couldn't climb the waves. Nor could she get out of the impact zone. She was just lost in it. She lost the regional horribly and publicly. She was so humiliated that she decided she wasn't good enough to surf again so she became angry, wallowing in her pity. Feeling sorry for herself. Feeling like she was less than she was before so she gave in to her greatest foe - her ego telling her she was finished so she walked away from her dream. From her passion. From herself.
However what Bethany did not realise was that just by trying, she had in fact won. She just hadn't come first. She started getting fan mail from around the world from people who had various handicaps. They looked upon her as a hero. She started teaching children how to surf and another light went off in her head. The children taught her that surfing was not all about winning, it is about doing what she enjoys. Accepting that surfing was what she loved, she decided to become the best she could in spite of her limitations.
Once she embraced the fact that she was physically different from the person she was before the accident, she became mentally stronger than the Bethany she was before. She trained her body to be strong enough to compete with one arm. Her dad built her a surfboard that she could control better with one arm. She went back into the race and though she did not come first, she won more than first place. She proved to herself and everyone else that she was back and was fully capable of surfing with the best of them. Most importantly she won the battle against herself. She learned she was embracing more people than she ever had before she lost her arm. Just by being herself. She had won the battle against herself and in doing so had won the hearts of the world.
An important lesson to us all. Our greatest challenger is in fact ourselves. Once we can conquer our egos, we can conquer anything. Life isn't about coming first. It's about doing what we love no matter what.