The difference between behaviour and character

There is a distinct difference between someone’s character and her behaviour. When we know and understand the difference someone’s behaviour and her character, then we can determine who remains in our lives and who does not. Who remains close to us and who we keep at a distance. Not with malice but with the understanding that a person can change his behaviour but not his character.

Character is that which is innate in a person. That which makes up who we are. It is our nature. Behaviour, on the other hand, is a response to our environment and can be changed when our environment changes or when we mature, grow and learn lessons.

It is the story of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion and frog were on the side of the stream and the scorpion wanted to get to the other side so he asked the frog for a ride. To which the frog responded, “How do I know you will not sting me?”

The scorpion answered with conviction, “You can trust me all I want is a ride to the other side. If I sting you, we both will die.”

The frog in his kindness agreed to take the scorpion to the other side. As they were halfway across the stream, the scorpion could not resist his nature so he stung the frog. The frog looked with shock at the scorpion as he felt the paralysis begin to take over his body causing him to start to slowly sink and asked the frog, “But why?” Knowing full well both were about to die.

The scorpion in his true and natural way said, “But I am a scorpion and that is what I do. It is who I am. My nature.”

 Both sank to the bottom of the stream and died with the moral of the story being always know who you are dealing with no matter how sweet they may seem on the surface. Dig deep and observe the true nature of people because then you will see who they truly are. And more importantly trust your instincts on meeting people because we always know when we are in the company of those who are genuine and those who are not.

But even when we misjudge first appearances, eventually the true nature of people always manifests in one form or another. Leaving it up to us then to follow the advice of Dr. Maya Angelou who says, “When someone show you who they are the first time, believe them.”

If we go back to the story of the scorpion and the frog, we will see in an exaggerated form that the frog knew the nature of the scorpion but chose to overlook the scorpion’s nature thinking that there would be no way the scorpion would resort to stinging him if he was giving him a ride across the river because they would both die. So he pushed aside his apprehensions and decided to lend a hand. Only to discover that it was impossible for the scorpion to resist his nature even if it meant his own death because he was so intent on stinging the very creature that could get him to the other side. Causing the frog to lose his life when he knew the nature of the beast before they began.

Teaching me - behaviour can always be changed but one’s character or nature cannot. Always know the difference. Only then will we be able to save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain because our characters are much stronger than our behaviours. We cannot resist who we are even when we try to disguise it. We cannot be who we are not. We are who we are. And that’s a fact.

Remembering always not to be the frog in the story of the scorpion and the frog because we always know.

Appreciating my sight

I can’t believe just how debilitating it is when I can’t see. I am at the hair salon this morning and forgot my glasses. I had planned to write my blog while I was here because I will be here for a while having my greys covered up. And because I was late getting up this morning, I was late leaving the house so of course I forgot my glasses but didn’t realise it until I got to the salon.

I attempted to write my blog with the intention of exploring another thought but because I can’t see, I realised the Universe was trying to show me how much we take our everyday faculties for granted. Not having the ability to see is a very strange feeling. And I didn’t realise just how much I rely on my glasses to see what I am doing.

Trying to write this blog without glasses is like trying to navigate through the dark without lights. It is actually very enlightening about how people who do not have their sight still function. How they have learnt to do things by using other senses. Unlike myself who is used to having all my faculties so when one is out of alignment, I feel lose. Showing me just how much I take for granted that I can see but don’t think twice about it.

We have so much to be grateful for those of us who have fully functioning physical and mental capabilities. Or as in my case need a little help to get us to our 100% state of operating by wearing reading glasses. I get it Universe I understand you are letting me know that it is the simple things in life that we often overlook because we are looking for the large, the grand, the exquisite. When it is the everyday that is the real miracle. The things we least expect that get us through those dark days. As a matter of fact that get us through any day.

So for today on this rainy Saturday morning, my blog will be short because I can’t torture myself anymore. Even with increasing the page size. The font size. And trying on everyone’s glasses in the salon, I have to admit this is too taxing to do as my focus is on trying to see the page rather than on trying to feel my writing as I normally do when I write.

I get that having an aspect of my whole being out of alignment such as my sight, affects my whole self. My ability to see affects my ability to feel. As would anything that we are used to having. Teaching me to appreciate even the most mundane things about who I am and the world in which I exist because it is those mundane things that make my life that much easier. Make my ability to navigate, feel and love that much greater and for this lesson I am truly grateful.

And I will never take for granted again how much easier it is when I am fully functional and I also applaud those who make do with their limited capacities because they have learned to compensate in other areas. To adapt. To go on with their lives with gratitude.

Signing out wishing I had my glasses but going for it anyway because my desire to write is greater than my desire to quit!  Reminding me there is a lesson in everything that happens in our lives – to remind us, teach us something about ourselves we take for granted or have suppressed.

A powerful fire ceremony

On the last day at the conference, I took part in a fire ceremony down on the Lake with over 100 women it seemed. The morning started out quite chilly and a bit of drizzle. The forecast called for rain. But my friend and I decided rain or not we were going to take part in the ceremony so we were dressed to for anything. After eating breakfast, we walked down to the lake and what a beautiful sight the lake is at the Omega Institute. The place is full of surprises and treasures wherever you go.

When I arrived at the fire ceremony site, I was surprised to see the volume of women that had already gathered. We each had to find a stick. By the time the fire was started by women who had volunteered to be the fire starters with our blessing and we all started to chant and sing into the fire, the sun had come out full blast. The sky had cleared and there were scant white clouds around the sky. And there were no rain clouds in sight. Making it seem as if the Universe was shining down on us. Invoking the power of the Feminine Spirit with no obstructions or inhibitions.

The feeling around that campfire was electric. Our singing becoming one voice. One sound. Powerful yet gentle. Sweet yet urgent.  Harmonious yet disjointed. Sometimes loud. Other times soft. Voices coming and going as each woman let spirit move her in whatever way she felt. Joining in when she felt the need. Stopping when she felt the need. No one forcing the other to be who they could not be.

Women from all walks of light, joining our energy to bring forth the change we were all looking for. Bringing forth closure to relationships and situations that no longer serve us. Bringing forth forgiveness and understanding of relationships and situations that needed to be let go. Bringing forth the spirit of love, compassion and understanding. All of us standing in the rhythm of our voice. Opening us to receive the combined energy of each other and that of Mother Earth as we stood upon her soil.

Turning to face each direction as our guide invoked the power of each one.  Starting with facing North. Then West. Then South then ending with us facing East. To the rising sun.  And then when we turned to face the fire in the middle of the circle, our guide told us the sticks were for us to burn away anything that was no  longer serving us. To send it back to the fire. To the beginning. And there was to be a woman that stood behind us when we did so to protect our backs so that whatever we threw into the fire did not try to come back in from behind. A powerful way for each one of us as women there to stand in the rear of another woman we had never met to lend her our support. A moving part of the ceremony.

A reminder that when we have each other’s backs rather than stabbing each other in the back, we can accomplish so much more and can be so much more when we are there for each other’s benefit rather than our ruin. There were women who were fighting cancer. Women who needed to get out of situations that were dragging them down. Women, as was I, searching for meaning and understanding of what happens next in our lives. Some were in tears. Some were full of joy. Some silent. But each one of us joining in with the spirit of cooperation and love.

As our chant ended and we closed our eyes, joining hands together, when I closed my eyes it felt as if the world was on fire because the redness of the sun filled my inner vision with red. Fiery red. As if the Universe was letting me know it was time to accept the things that had to go. And to move on in the spirit of renewal. And when the ceremony was done after we faced each direction with gratitude, it took some time for us to break from the group. To break from the powerful energy we had created together. As if none of us wanted to break the circle of women spirit and renewal. As if the circle was our strength. I looked round the circle at the faces of the women that had chosen to join the circle together at the same time. Then I looked up at the trees. Leaves shaking in the wind. Rustling that haunting sound. Amazed by the redness of the leaves like they were on fire too and I inhaled deeply and with such gratitude for the spirit bringing me to this place of strength.

And then slowly the circle started to break. Each one of us taking in the blessing and lessons from the fire ceremony. Each one of us walking away with a slightly different lesson but sharing the common energy of sisterhood. Full from our experience and ready to take on whatever was to come next with love and compassion. Letting go of what was no longer necessary and opening space for what was to come...

There is no emotion more scary than joy

Yesterday I started to write about what happened at the Women and Power Retreat evening but all that came to me were the thoughts I produced about Standing in our own power and I let it flow. Let it go as I am learning that sometimes I just have to follow the flow rather than trying to direct it bnecause when I do something so natural and beautiful happens. My writing is teaching me this lesson and I am truly grateful for this gift of writing. For allowing myself to just go with the flow. I am also learning to apply this lesson to my everyday life. To just go for it and do it without question, apprehension or fear. Just do it. Allowing me to feel pure and unadulterated joy.

This thought led me to a very powerful statement made by Brene Brown on the Opening Eve of the Women and Power Retreat when she said, “There is no emotion more scary than joy.” Wow was what I thought. Think about that statement for a moment. Close your eyes and reflect on it. “There is no emotion more scary than joy.” Repeat it to yourself and see how your body feels. And when you do hopefully you will understand just how true this simple but profound statement truly is. It jolted me when I realized just how true it is for me and for most people I encounter.

When I allowed her statement to flow through me, I realized whenever I have great joy in my life. Whenever everything is working out. When life feels wonderful, I often find myself holding my breath.  Waiting for the penny to drop. For the bliss to end. For the darkness to come rolling around the corner. Because life can’t be simple and it can’t be full of joy all the time. Isn't that what we were told when we were growing up? I know I was. Don’t expect life to be a bed of roses. Whenever the ocean is flat calm, it means there is a storm coming.  If the air is still, there is a storm coming. All these childhood statements led me to expect the bad when there is too much good. So instead of reveling in the moment of nirvana, often times I find myself thinking about what could possibly go wrong. Projecting myself out of the joyful moment into what is waiting round the corner.

So after hearing, “There is no emotion more scary than joy” from Brene, I decided I am going to shift my mindset. Shift it to accepting the joy. Feeling worthy of joy and embracing it full on even if it is for a moment because it is better to experience joy even if for a nanosecond than to sabotage it and never know it when it shows up in my life. Never appreciate it.

Joy is such a liberating and wonderful emotion that allows us the capacity to love, to be grateful, to be at one with the One Source. It is the sun shining down on my face. The sound of no holds barred laughter. The smell of freshly cut grass. It is my family. My home. It is in the surrender to the magic of the unseen but felt because joy is the essence of life itself.

So rather than feeling unworthy of joy, let’s feel it when it arrives and be grateful for its gift. Taking me back to that old gospel song, “I've got the joy, joy , joy down in my heart. Down in my heart. …” Because I do as do you. As do us all. Joy. Joy. Joy. Namaste.

Standing in our own Strength

When it is time to be heard

There’s nothing or no one that can stop the message that needs to be heard

When the time is right

 The people will come

And voices will rise in unison

To change that which needs to be changed

Sometimes that change comes in spurts

 Other time it comes in full force

Unstoppable

Like a stampede

An Avalanche

Rolling along picking up those who need to hear

Want to hear along the way

Adding to the strength of the avalanche

Until the message is delivered

Until the message is given

Sometimes we have to step out of life’s mediocrity

And enter into its fray

Casting aside our fears

Moving beyond our comfort zones

Without shame, explanation or fear

Or if we still have fear

Not let the fear stop us

From being in the forefront

From stepping into the arena

And taking a stance

For change

Not for recognition

But for the betterment of self

And for us all

We must let go

And give all we can

To help our society to reach its equilibrium

To not let the naysayers

Soothsayers

Doomsday predictors

Win and keep us down

But be brave enough to not hear their taunts

Discouragements

Or Dread

Instead to block our ears to them

And do what is right for us

There is a momentum growing

A ground swell building

Demanding and calling for

Justice

Peace

Love

Compassion

And Equality

From a place of pure intentions

Because we know we are better than this

Capable of more compassion than this

Capable of sharing more than we are

We know because we come from the One Source

And the One Source is sounding the drum

The proverbial drum

Echoing throughout our land

And our hearts

Beating quietly at first

But now it is getting louder

Louder

And more persistent

Louder and more rhythmic

At the same beat as our hearts

Drumming us

Calling us

Summoning us

To fix what we can

To get our society back on track

Accepting there is enough

Abundance

Happiness

Joy

Peace and Love

For all of us

No one need go without

When we remember we are of the One Source

The same cloth

The drumbeat is calling us to answer

It is time

To dance to its beat

Surrender to its rhythm

And answer to its call

It is time

To be heard

To stand in our own Strength

Namaste

Lean in and usher out corruptive power Elizabeth Lesser

When my cabin was finally ready, I walked the path to it. Surprised to discover how isolated I was from the conference. Surprised to find I was up a little hill behind the trees. As I walked across the grass I spotted two creatures in the grass – possibly ground hogs  - not entirely sure but the grass and trees were teeming with life – tiny red squirrels, large grey one and those two strange creatures. Everything felt alive. Electric but welcoming.

I showered after a very long day of travel to fully allow my state of decompression to take effect. Not rushing. Not worrying. Just going with the flow. Wonderful feeling. Then I then walked over to the main dining room for dinner. It was a large open communal eating place. Full of women, men, children all gathered to share in locally sourced organic foods. An absolute delight for me as the food was an array of scrumptious vegetarian food ranging from gluten free to vegan to dairy. A bit of something for everyone. And I was in seventh heaven because I didn’t have to worry about what I was eating. Everything fresh and colourful. Nourishing my body for what was to come.

After dinner I wandered over to the Conference Hall about 20 minutes early because I wanted to make sure I secured a good seat. When I got there I discovered there were two entrances and the doors were still locked. Most people were lined up on one side of the hall. I noticed there were a handful of women on the other side so I made my way across to that side. And ended up speaking with two ladies from Ohio who had driven 8 hours that day to get to the conference. Grateful for the grown up time they were getting away from their families. And then there was a lady from Massachusetts and for some reason our energies connected instantly. A bond was formed between us before we even realised it had.

We took our seats. The first row of seats behind several rows of Reserved Seating much to our disappointment. But we accepted we were where we were meant to be. So we thought until just a few minutes before the Conference was to kick off, some of the helpers came and moved the Reserved Seating signs. I turned to my Massachusetts friend and said let’s move and we did. We ended up right in the front row. Directly in front to the stage. Fate was definitely on our side.

And then the Conference began with Elizabeth Lesser, one of the cofounders of the Omega Institute, giving us a stirring talk about standing in our power. And because I was in the front row I felt like she was speaking directly to me. That she had been sent to tell me to “lean in and usher out corruptive forms of power.” Causing my body to tingle from head to toe like something inside of me had been awakened from a deep sleep. Like something was being stirred from deep within. She went on to say we need to “use our power to give birth to a new way of being. To learn how to live together in peace and wisdom.”

She warned, “To shy away from power now is a mistake because we are walking away from good power to influence” and allowing it to remain in the hands of those who need not have it. She told us choosing to be powerful starts with the inside. Starts with us first and then permeates out to others and not the other way round.

From which I gathered that if we are operating from an authentic power that emanates from our core, there is nothing that can corrupt us. Nothing that can derail us. Nothing that can hurt us unless we allow the egocentric outer power to overshadow who we are and what we represent.

And that was just the beginning of the Conference. More to come as it comes to me. 

A one of a kind journey of women

Where do I begin about the wonderful journey I embarked on over the weekend? I have to admit I took in so much over the two days that my mind is full. My soul is satiated and my body is fully rested. Full of the energy of some 500 women all drawn together to effect change in our lives and hopefully by doing so effect change in the lives of those in our communities.

We were 500 women on a quest to know what it is we can give to the world by standing in our own power. By owning who we are first then gathering that strength as a sisterhood and moving into the world knowing we have each other’s backs. But only when our intentions are pure and for the betterment of not only ourselves but for all who choose to be of the movement and with the movement.

From the moment I walked onto the grounds of the Omega Institute I knew I had been called there for a reason. I knew as soon as I walked from the main office onto the grounds and saw Buddhas everywhere. Anyone who knows me knows I am a collector of Buddhas. Not for religious reasons but because they bring me a sense of peace, of safety, of serenity. There were Buddhas scattered throughout the grounds. I knew when I walked through the grounds and there was a silence except for the beautiful and lulling sound a flute floating through the grounds as if weaving us like the Pied Piper to our inner sanctuary that I was called there from a Higher Power.

I smiled when I spotted a man sitting on a bench. One of many benches scattered throughout the grounds. Sitting with his eyes closed playing his flute. Surrounded by flowers. And the freshness of the air. Oblivious to us all. Oblivious to the stares. Totally enraptured by his music and the magic of the Institute’s grounds. Allowing his soul’s music to be exposed to those of us who chose to listen to him playing his song. His truth.

I knew I had been called to surrender. To be with my thoughts. To allow them to flourish. I knew because every fibre in my body was alert. Ready for whatever came my way. Open to all that I was meant to absorb over the weekend. I knew without a doubt I was where I was meant to be.

My cabin was not quite ready because I got there an hour before check in time so I wandered through the gardens. Listening to the sound of the flute. Allowing it to remove any remaining stress that remained in my body. I wandered into the book store and found not only books but much more. A snake statute I had been looking for for quite some time was waiting just for me there. Though I have a great fear of snakes, I respect their power and knowing this is the year of the snake, I wanted one near me to help me to be able to withstand the strike of the serpents sure to be out this year by having a statute of my own. And finding it at the Institute as a further sign I was in the right place at the right time.

I walked around the bookstore browsing through music, scarves, crystals, Buddhas. Taking my time. Not rushing as I had nowhere to go. No deadlines to meet and no one was waiting for me. I took my time exploring until I had my fill. Then I walked around the grounds a bit more. Looking up at the tall trees. Making eye contact with strangers who had been drawn to the Institute for the same reasons as I had at exactly the same time– to find meaning. To explore what comes next. Smiling at them and they smiling back at me. No one suspicious of the other. Each embracing the other as kindred spirits on journeys together at the same time.

I was ready for the conference to begin. Ready to hear what I had come to hear. Ready to discover why I had been led to the Institute with the group of women that had gathered. Ready. And I was not disappointed. More to follow tomorrow. Happy Monday everyone. Namaste.

Blessings from the Omega Institute

This morning I woke up feeling truly blessed. Truly a part of the whole. And the reason I do is because I allowed myself the space to breathe. Allowed myself the time to surrender to the voice inside of me. Gave myself permission to move away from the everyday noise of life and to come to a place where there is no outside influence. Only inside influence. No televisions. No telephones. Just the silence of nature and the voice of my own.

I travelled to the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY via train from Penn Station and I knew from the moment the train left the hustle and bustle of the city and entered the picturesque and unexpected scenery of the country of NY that I had given myself a gift. That I had chosen the best way for me to begin unwinding before I started the Women and Power Retreat last night. The landscape on either side of me was almost too much to take in because it was so breathtakingly beautiful and something I had not even thought NY could give me. Water and bridges on one side, woods, lakes, rivers, ponds, homes, pathways, rock faces on the other. I felt like I was in the Land of Oz where fairies and magic would happen at any time. I wished that I could capture the whole journey to share but I realised that journey was for me and could not be captured in any other way but my mind.

When we pulled into the Rhinecliff train station I knew I was where I was meant to be. The station was tiny. Small like the entrance to my own home. Simple without any fanfare. Silent. Water on one side. I inhaled deeply and walked slowly from the train to the taxi waiting for me outside.

As we drove to the Omega Institute, through the quaint town where there stood the oldest Inn in America, I no longer felt the need to talk. Instead I settled back in the seat and allowed the journey to take me deeper inside. Appreciating every aspect of my gift to myself. Then we turned down a tree lined wooded street, a canopy of trees overhead, the sun filtering through the canopy like diamonds dazzling and I felt a deep sense of knowingness come over me.

My cabin sits at the end of the walkway. Separated from the conference. Up a slight incline embraced by trees. At first I was fearful of returning to the cabin at night on my own because the conference was to end at 10pm. But then I decided to accept I was where I was meant to be and whatever was meant to happen to me would happen so there was no need to panic. No need to be fearful of the unknown. But to be present in the moment.

The conference unfolded much better than I even imagined it would. A group of women and a scattering of men, 500 of us from different parts of the world, different lifestyles, ages, races and creed all gathered together in the conference room then joined by the energy of some 2000 others via the web, the energy was electric. Inspiring. And just what I needed.

I received so much last night that I was exhausted when I went to bed. Not even fearful of being in my cabin on my own. As a matter of fact grateful that I was because I needed the time to process what had been delivered to me. To accept and understand it. And when I woke up this morning and sat on my porch overlooking the grass in front of me. Dew glistening on the grass. Mist hanging on to the dampness. Shrouding the air in its mystery and magic. Sunlight streaming through the trees. Squirrels scattering around. A bumble sounding like a hoovercraft buzzing around me. Leaves silently falling to the ground as if it was their last dance. The sound of silence embracing me. Comforting me. I decided to keep the talk of last night in for a little longer. To process it more before putting it on my blog but I will.

Off now for a full day of energy and awakening. Feeling so blessed and so grateful for who I am, always have been and always will be. For choosing to here at this present moment and totally surrendering to my own power, I am truly grateful. Namaste from Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. 

A lesson from a water bottle

Yesterday morning I was trying to put the top on the new drink bottle I got for my daughter and no matter how hard I tried I just could not get it to fit back together.  And despite knowing what I was doing was incorrect; I kept repeating the same thing over and over again. I kept trying to screw the top on knowing there was no grip. No traction for the top to seal to the bottom.

I looked at the top. Looked at the bottom. Confused by how the top could come off the bottom but yet would not fit back together. I grew frustrated so I gave up. Frustrated because even though I knew the way I was trying to fit the top on the bottom was incorrect I convinced myself my daughter had broken the water bottle when she had taken it apart. Shifting the blame from me to her. Trying to find a reason for my lack of ability outside myself. She had to have broken it if I could not fit it back together.

So what did I do when I woke my daughter up? Of course, I accused her of breaking the brand new water bottle because she was the one who had taken it apart. She looked at me and told me all she had done was unscrew the iced compartment that was in the top and had put it in the freezer as the instructions had told her to do.

Without panicking she went to the fridge and got the bottom out. Then went to the freezer and got out the iced compartment. She tried to screw the iced compartment into the top as I had done over and over again. To no avail.  And at first I was quite relived that she too could not get the bottle fixed because it proved that she had broken it. Justifying my frustration.

She then plopped the iced compartment  into the water bottle. I was just about to yell at her thinking we would waste all the water we had put in the bottle because I thought we would have to fish the ice compartment out of the bottle. But before I could say anything, the iced compartment magically and perfectly filled the mouth of the water bottle. Then she triumphantly put the top on without any bother. My mouth dropped open. I felt so silly for accusing her of something she had not done.

She looked at me and I at her. Her eyes gleaming. Proud of what she had accomplished. And I thanked her for helping me to see something that was so clear before my eyes. Sometimes we are so blinded by what we believe that we don’t see what is truly in front of our faces. Sometimes our minds are made up about what the problem is that we can’t see the solution that is being offered to us.  Sometimes we waste so much time doing the same thing over and over again rather than stepping back and seeing what it is that really needs to be done. And sometimes we look to the outside for blame rather than looking within for the solution.

And the greatest lesson of all that I got from wasting fifteen minutes trying to put a top on that needed the ice compartment before it closed, was that I have to trust my instincts. Instinctively I had known the iced compartment needed to go into the water bottle but I dismissed the thought because my brain told me it would sink to the bottom. So without even trying it, I gave up. But my daughter followed her instincts, her gut and just plopped the frozen bit into the water bottle and showed me what my inner voice had been telling me all along.

Had I listened to my inner voice, I could have saved myself a lot of bother. As well as my daughter. Teaching me in the most basic way that we always know what we need to do, we just have to take the time to listen to our inner voice. And follow it.

Even in our darkest hour

What a beautiful morning. Stars bright in a clear sky. Twinkling and sparkling against the almost full moon hanging on for a bit longer before going to the other side of the world. Illuminating our realm for that little while longer – its fullness and richness casting shadows throughout the morning darkness. Shining down until it is time for it to give way to the sun.

I stood at the window this morning looking at the constellations on the east side of the sky.  Inhaling the promise it contains of what is to come. What can come if I believe and if I don’t hold on to the darkness that is trying so hard to take away my light. If I don’t allow people shrouded in darkness who pretend they are full of light to overshadow the light within me. If I don’t give them to power to take away the possibility and bountifulness take exists within me. Pulling me down into their pit of darkness.

Because I realized looking out over the east sky then moving to the west side of the house to see the light of the moon, that even in our darkest moment, there is always light. Always beauty to behold. Always a path for us out of the darkness when we are ready for it and are receptive to it.

Eventually when we are still enough and silent enough, the truth we have always known comes to the forefront. The truth we do not want to accept sometimes because with it comes disappointment and sadness to know there are people who have hidden motives for doing things. But what I am learning is their motives are their own and have nothing to do with me. It is them trying to get to the light of who they are and sometimes they know no other way to get out of the darkness except to bring more darkness. Wondering how it is others always have the light while they can’t get out of the darkness. Wondering why others no longer want to wallow in the darkness with them but instead are shining brightly in the light.

 I am slowly but surely learning is as long as I am of the light and not lured to the dark side by these powerful dark carriers, the truth will always be revealed and their darkness will no longer have the ability to fool me. Our society has made it far easier for people to wallow in darkness – blaming, accusing, judging, gossiping, and not being honest about who they are and what they represent. Instead they are filled with such self loathing that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to try to take the light away from those who they perceive have it by slinging mud at them. Their joy is short lived because darkness cannot bring fulfillment, only light can and does.

The light actually becomes much brighter and more alluring when the truth is revealed. And the reason it does is because it takes hard lessons to bring forth the light. And once the light comes out, there is no place for darkness. Because in the light of the truth, there is no darkness. Instead the light brings with it feelings of peace, love and understanding making it infectious, inviting and contagious.

As humans we get lulled into the darkness because it is so much easier to get to then to learn our lessons. But when we give ourselves the time to really think about the times we are shrouded in darkness and we think about how we truly feel, we know it is not a good place. It is a heavy place full of people that are heavy with darkness. Full of people climbing over the top of each other. Clawing at each other. Clamouring to get to the top. Trying desperately to get to the light no matter what it takes. Failing to see getting to the light has nothing to do with hurting others. Getting to the light only comes when we learn to come face to face with our own truths. With who we truly are. Not from trying to suck the energy from the light bringers. Not from trying to tear them down.

Only when we accept who we are by listening to our inner voice, our inner stillness, we gain the ability to learn our lessons. Allowing us to move into the light where the air is fresh, clean and oh so full of love. Then we can breathe again. Inhaling deeply without hesitation. Without toxicity and exhaling slowly and with gratitude for accepting each one of us, when we are ready, is the truth and the light because we are of the truth and light.

As the morning sky showed me this morning, even in our darkest hour, there is always light. Always. 

Riding on the beam of light called hope

Just when we think there is no way something is going to work. When we think we are all alone in our beliefs.  A door opens and a ray of light comes beaming through. And this beam of light is called hope. Teaching me that no matter what, if we are living our truth and living with an open heart, we will always see the possibility in everything. Because that possibility exists in hope and faith.

Letting me know the darkness we feel shrouded in. The pain we may feel inside. The fear we carry that no one can hear us. No one is listening to us are all necessary parts of our journey to help us to understand just how important it is to retain the faith that there is light on the horizon. To accept there is light within us all the time. It is up to us to not give up. To not give in. To continue to lead our lives in the best way we can as long as it is who we are and not who we are trying to project ourselves to be.

Hope is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give to ourselves because it asks us to believe even when no one else does. Asks us to endure even when everyone else is telling us to stop. Asks us to keep moving to the finish line even when the goal posts keep moving. Particularly when we see no end because we understand there is always an ending as there is always a beginning. Hope give us the faith needed to help us to see the ending is the beginning. That when one doors closes, that door was not meant for us and we are being led to the true door that has opened for us. 

Because hope is that which allows us to understand all of us are a part of the whole because we are the whole. That each one of us is a significant and necessary part of this wonderful journey called life. That each of us chose to come into this realm at exactly this same time to help manifest the experience we are having at the present moment. And when we realize what one does impacts and affects all of us on a deeper cosmic  level, we will understand that despair is the absence of hope. That hope is our greatest liberator because it allows us to see the light that is always there. Allowing us to have faith that the light is always available to us and for us because we are hope as hope is us.

Sometimes people will accuse us

Sometimes people will accuse us

Try to abuse us

Blame us for where they are in their lives

Then reject us  

No matter how much we are trying to show them the light

They cannot see the light because they are so blinded by their own fears

Will not see the light because they believe the light is not within their reach

Refuse to see the light because they are so blinded by their own emotions

Their own worries

Their own egos

Keeping them shrouded in doubt

Worry

Isolating them from their own salvation

Their own truths

Their own light

They hold on to these feelings as if they will save them

From the darkness that is threatening to pull them down

Not realizing it is these feelings that are bringing the darkness on

Fuelling the darkness

Stopping them from seeing the light

Preventing them from understanding they are worthy of the light

Are a part of the light

Instead they are attracted to the dark force that wants to keep them hidden

Afraid and feeling helpless

Because the dark forces know once they see the light

They will understand they are more powerful than they imagined

That they can help rather than resist

Sometimes we want to hug people and bring them close

To help to see beyond their fears, worries and emotions

But we know if we do it too soon

They will reject us

Because they do not realize they are rejecting themselves

Sometimes we have to be strong enough to walk away

To allow people to heal before we can invite them back into our lives

If ever

And other times we know we have to stay

Remain with them

Help them as much as we can to see the light

Particularly when we see the light still shining

Dimly way back in their eyes

And all we need to do is be patient

Stay the course until they rediscover the light inside

Until they accept they are worthy of the light

Until they know the light is within their reach

And is not just for those lucky people over there

Until they understand there is no us

And there is no them over there

It is all us

Until they accept they are as much part of the problem

As they are the solution

Sometimes we are drawn to the fire in someone else’s eyes

Because the fire mirrors our own

But we need to be careful we don’t combust

And destroy each other in our ego fuelled quest 

Because sometimes that fire is a disguise of the darkness

Of Ego

Rather than compassion and faith

We always know when we are being asked to examine who we are

And what we are

We always know when we are being asked to help

Rather than hinder

It’s up to all of us to bring forth the best of who we are

Not for recognition

But for reconciliation

Always holding on to the light that allows us to move beyond the darkness

To a place of understanding and faith

To a place of love and forgiveness

To a place of pure and unabiding love and light

Life truly is beautiful

Life truly is beautiful. I experienced it yesterday and woke up feeling it this morning. No matter how we look at it, we are surrounded by beauty every single day. It’s just our perception of beauty that changes what we see. And our perceptions are coloured by our view of the world.

Yesterday the day started with the sun shining brightly down on us. But the air was heavy. Muggy. Hot. Almost explosive and a sure sign that the beginning of this new day was a prelude to a storm coming our way. Further evidenced by the amount of ants that were traversing our porch. Millions of them trailing up the walls seeking refuge in the roof.

As my family sat on the porch trying to eat breakfast together without ants eating our food and us, we debated about why there were so many ants. Was it because of our rabbit’s goody box we keep on the porch? All sorts of theories were being suggested. And when I suggested it was because the weather was about to change, I got that look that says, yeah right. 

If only we would truly observe nature, we could learn so much about how to be. Nature always forewarns us about its changes but we have lost touch with our ability to read it. Just the mere fact that the day was so muggy, stifling and explosive was a clear indicator that the weather had to give as it could not continue at that pressure or temperature. The humidity so high it felt like the air was soaking. Like the air was bleeding.

And with the ants coming in droves, nature was definitely preparing us for what was to come. Particularly when the third sign came as the light was suddenly sucked out of the day. Actually it was not sudden. If I am honest, it was a gradual asphyxiation but I wasn’t paying attention to it until the light became more like twilight than daylight. The bright sun obscured behind the heavy clouds. Thick, black cumulus clouds.

By the time I drove back into my yard, I had to turn on the lights in my car because it was so dark. Within minutes after arriving safely home, the rains came. At first lightly. Misty like. Until the heaviness and pressure of the atmosphere was too much to contain. The lightning flashed. The thunder boomed. Reverberating through the air. I stood at the window watching the violence of nature not intended to harm, I realized; but to heal. To clear the heaviness of the atmosphere. The thunder storm drawing closer and closer to us. My husband observing that the thunderstorm was huge because though the time between the lightning and the thunder indicated the storm was far away, it was still powerful enough to cause the house to shake and its sound to vibrate long after it had passed.

Though the storm was loud, and the lightening was fierce, I had no fear as I normally do of thunderstorms. I accepted it as a natural part of nature. A part of the process of change. A necessary part to clear the air. To give us some relief from the heat and the ants. And then the storm was over - leaving the air cool and fresh, the lawn sparkling from the wet grass, the sky a moody red by the evening.

As I walked from Mysty’s cage back to the porch carrying her in my arms, I looked up at the sky and was filled with joy, with love, with understanding. Just like that violent thunderstorm had to come to clear the air, sometimes we cannot see the light of day, cannot find our way, but always when we have faith in the process of change, the change that comes is for our benefit. As I felt so clearly yesterday evening looking up at the moody red sky.  I was grateful for the thunderstorm and the rain just as much as I was for the red sky telling me that today would be a beautiful day and the storm had to come to pave the way.

Letting me know life truly is beautiful. Always is. It’s just our perception of it that changes. That colours the way we feel about it. Beauty is always there whether we are able to see it or not. Because beauty just is. Because nature just is. As is life. As are we. No matter what. Namaste.

The power of appreciating nature

Yesterday morning I woke up to one of the most beautiful skies I have seen in a long time. After over a week of rain and thick heavy clouds, the stars had been obscured. But yesterday they were out in their full glory. Low humidity and though the light had not yet come into the day, the twinkling of the stars set against the dark sky was so beautiful. Magical. Breathtaking and inspiring.

I stood at the door looking out over the morning sky. Listening to the silence of the new day. Not so worried that it was Friday the 13^th because the promise of the day in that glorious sky allowed me to cast aside the suspicions of what this date and day is translated to mean. I felt great possibility and love flowing into my being. So much opportunity and space opened up within me that I felt a tear of joy pricking my eyes.

Allowing me to accept sometimes we have to go through the rain, the storms, the dark, dark days in order for us to appreciate when it all clears and we see the possibility again. To accept that if we always had a perfect starry sky with virtually no clouds, we would never appreciate it because we would expect it every single day. I whispered a prayer of gratitude to the Universe. Filling my mind, body and soul with love and understanding. Of possibility and unbounded joy.

And then a little later in the morning when the starry sky had given way to the morning light, I walked across the lawn to our rabbit’s cage to feed her and the freshness of the morning air enveloped me. Made me feel so free. And then a cardinal starting singing to his heart’s content. Attracting me to him. I looked for him and spotted him on the wire behind me. The wire that had replaced the one that had nearly taken my home months before. And my heart expanded even more in love.

After sorting Mysty out, as I walked back across the lawn to our home, the cardinal sang even louder. This time with me facing him. I looked at his magnificent red body and marveled at how such a small creature could be filling the whole morning with such morning joy from his song. That’s when I understood that no matter how small of a role we play in life, if we are doing it from our heart for the betterment of ourselves and for the betterment of mankind, it may seem small but will have a significant impact on our Universe. As did that little red bird.

When I reached the steps to our porch I thought of my favourite song that had come back to me through the posting of one of my loyal readers Shari-Lynn Pringle, “Morning has broken” …. And I was filled with such gratitude, such love, such possibility for appreciating the starting of a new day filled with nature’s wonders. Beautiful. Knowing that no matter what came my way that day, Friday teh 13th or not,  I would be able to handle it because I had experienced the depth and breadth of nature with love.  Namaste

A morning pep talk

Stop panicking when it is time to write and just write

Stop trying to deliver a message and just write

Stop trying to conceal from others and just write

Remember I cannot always hit a home run

Sometimes others are meant to

Stop trying to please everyone because not everyone is meant to be pleased

Stop trying to be everything to everyone because not everyone is meant to be in my space

There will be times when I cannot accomplish much because I am not meant to accomplish much

And then there will be other times when everything falls into place

What I have to learn to accept is everyone and everything that comes into my life is there to teach me about me and about life

To force me to either be the teacher or the student

The giver or the receiver

And it is up to me to be able to distinguish between whether I am the teacher

Or whether I am being taught

Not always trying to be right but being willing to accept sometimes there is no right answer

And more importantly there is no wrong answer

Sometimes it just is what it is

And there are no explanations

No reasons

No justifications

Each one of us has a role to play

And if we are honest

Each one of us has multiple roles to play

We are one way one second

And another way the next

But what is consistent is what is within us

That little niggling feeling that never goes away

That feeling that tries to alert us to the path we are to take

That little voice of reason that goes off in our heads

The one that we often override because we want to do what we want to do

Rather than what we are best doing

And when we override that niggling feeling

The consequences always come back to bite us

To refocus us

To ask us to remember why we are here

And who we are

So I need to just be who I am

Whenever I can

Not for reconnection

Not for accolades

But just for giving back and then stepping back

For receiving the gifts of the Universe

As they are meant to be received

And sharing them with those who so choose to accept them

Including myself

And that is why I write

So I can find the light

And surrender to it

Embrace it

Allowing me to stop panicking and just write

From the heart

With love and light

Namaste

In the darkness of a power cut

Yesterday when I got home from work, I told myself to have an early night. As a matter of fact I had promised myself I would have an early night. But once I got the children settled and sat down to work on my computer, it was about 10 pm and I needed some me time. Time to unwind. Time to figure out what was going on with my friends on Facebook, around the world and in general to catch up with all the things I had not done during the day.

My body was telling me it was very tired. My brain was working in overdrive to keep up with all the thoughts that were whizzing through it. But I resisted the signs. Ignored them completely because one thing was leading me to another. I kept saying only 5 more minutes and when that 5 minutes elapsed, I would tell myself just another 5 more minutes.

My body was begging me to stop. To go to bed. To rest. To allow it time to rejuvenate. But I still could not resist looking at one more site or writing one more thing. Until as I was typing at about 11.05, everything around me just went black. My computer screen made that horrible sound it makes before it crashes. And then to my horror crashed right in the middle of my writing. The lights in the house went out. And I found myself sitting in absolute darkness. A blackout.

The storm had already passed us by earlier in the day so the power cut was completely unexpected from a logical perspective but from a spiritual perspective, I knew it was completely to be expected because I had been interfering with my inner peace. My inner quiet. The need for my body to rest and revive itself.

I didn’t panic. As a matter of fact I did nothing but sit there until a knowing smile crept across my face. I sat in that darkness knowing the Universe was sending me a direct message to just stop. It took away all the distractions that were keeping me from resting and shut everything down for me. Knowing I was incapable of doing it myself, the Universe took the decision away from me. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Accepting the darkness and stillness I found myself in. Accepting the message to stop and so I did. Appreciating that moment of silence. Of nothingness but everything.

My husband came walking through with a lighter. I asked him to light the candle I always have on my desk. Not for light but for meditative purposes. He lit my candle and I switched for a bit to my tablet to look at family photographs. To just wind myself down some more. And then I decided to just go to bed with only my candle as a means of seeing anything in my otherwise darkened home.

I felt slightly cheated because I was unable to do write in my grateful journal. My 50 year old eyes are not capable of seeing anything written in the low light of a candle. But I accepted I had put myself in this position because I had not listened to every atom in my body telling me, asking me to go to bed early. To relax early. So I did my grateful journal in my mind then wrote in my little one liner of the day book that I was grateful for the power cut because it made me stop. It also made me recognise just how much we take the things we cannot see and appreciate such as electricity for granted. How we expect it to be there every single second of the day and when it is not we realise just how much it powers our lives.

And once I wrote that down, I blew out my meditative candle and went to sleep waking only when I heard the whirring sound of the electricity coming back on in the wee hours of the morning. I got out of bed and turned all the lights out with gratitude and peace then went back to bed appreciating all that I can do with the power of electricity and even without it.

Knowing when my body is telling me to rest I need to rest and not resist, I must take heed before the choice is taken away from me. Feeling very content, I fell into a deep sleep. Grateful for receiving the gift of the Universe to stop in the complete darkness of a power cut. Namaste.

Grateful for being spared the wrath of Tropical Storm Gabrielle

9-11. This day always conjures up memories of such bad karma and energy. Conjures up images and feeling of fear, anger, retaliation and despair.

So yesterday when I heard Tropical Storm Gabrielle’s closet point of approach was going to be at 1 in the morning of 9-11, I felt nervous. Worried that we could be facing some dark force. Such that when I left the office to pick up my daughter, the light outside as well as the air outside felt very oppressive. Ominous. Light but not quite light. Dark but not quite dark. A feeling of orange, red and yellow duelling to see which colour would be the most present. And of course all the colours felt overshadowed by the blackness of the clouds. The darkness of the sky. A feeling of everything being too close that the air needed to clash in order to break up. I felt the Tropical Storm Gabrielle was really coming to us for a reason.

Then when I got my daughter from her class, as soon as she walked out and took my hand she looked at the sky and said the air looks strange. The light does not feel right. Branches were snapping off the trees and were being blown across the streets. There was an eerie silence in the midst of the strange light. Anticipation. Apprehension. Anxiety.

As we were driving home she commented again about the strange light. She repeated out loud what I was thinking inside. It was neither dark nor light but something in between. We agreed that the air felt like it wanted to break. That it needed to break. By the time we got home the wind was howling. The roads were full of scattered debris. She even had to get out of the car to move a branch that was blocking the road to our home.

A feeling of what was about to happen permeating my whole body. It was our first brush with a storm for the hurricane season. Not even a week after one of our worst storms on record – Hurricane Fabian some 10 years before. And we were getting our first taste and reminder of how powerful Mother Nature can really be.

My husband on the other hand was not worried. He did not have the headache he normally gets when there is a true weather system with deep lows coming near to us. He also felt the winds were not that bad. He didn’t think we needed to panic. All he did was move the car so it would not be damaged by torpedo avocadoes being blown off the trees in the wind. Other than that he was calm.

After tucking our children in, I read with interest all the blogs, Facebook and twitter comments about the pending storm. Schools shut before the wrath of Tropical Storm Gabrielle was even known. The anxiety barometer rising. Our children’s school deciding not to make a decision until this morning. Calling my sister who has just returned home when I read her post about the haunting sound of the wind. Her statement resonating with me as I always feel the same way when there is that humming of the wind. Almost like something more is breathing and living beside us. I wanted to make sure she was not alone. Relieved to know my brother was there with her.

And then I went to bed. Trying to get to sleep before the winds picked up as the storm came closer to us. Howling winds and pouring rain always unnerve me. Awake me out of my deepest sleep so I like to get ahead of them when I can just so I can get some rest. Waking up at 1.24 this morning listening for the storm’s apex as this was supposed to be within the closet point of the storm, surprised to hear the wind had not changed much from when I went to bed at 11.30 the night before. Feeling somewhat comforted and grateful at the same time, I took advantage of the not so bad wind and rain and went back to bed. Falling into a deep sleep.

Waking up this morning at 4.54 to virtual silence compared to the night before. Feeling relief flooding through me. We had been spared the wrath of the storm. It had come and gone I knew but not to the extent predicted. Not to the extent feared. Realising it is 9-11 and how fortunate we are to have that storm behind us. The air silent. The winds dissipated. Thinking of how fortunate I am to have woken up this morning when others 11 years ago were about to face the worst form of destruction by mankind – terrorism.

Feeing so grateful for the storm passing us by without much damage and destruction. And realising the date does not have to be negative. Does not have to bring destruction. Just reverence and a moment of silence.

Remembering the posts posted last night that said ‘the shark oil was clhur’ and because the storm was called Gabrielle, we would be okay because the Ark Angel Gabriel would be looking out over us. And accepting when we go back to our natural instincts and native ways of being, we always know when we are being confronted with something that can harm us or not.

Grateful to be here and in tact with little to no damage but fully understanding the power of Mother Nature and our native customs and remedies, ‘the shark oil was clhur’ and my husband had no headache. Indicating there was no way we would get the worst of the storm.

Looking out my window this morning and seeing the stars twinkling behind the fast moving clouds. Filling me with great reassurance that this 9-11 was going to be okay. No problems at all. And for being spared the wrath of the storm, I am truly grateful. Remembering in silence those who lost their lives at the World Trade Center with reverence and grace. Namaste.

First day of school

We made it through our first day back at school routine. And I am proud to say we were right on time. The first day of school is always full of apprehension, anxiety and some excitement. My daughter was looking forward to seeing her friends. My son okay about going back to school.

Waking up again at 5am to make sure I get to do all the things I need to do to start my day before everyone gets up. Forgetting that and still going to bed too late. Feeling it in the morning when I only get 5 hours or less of sleep. My children still trying to find their rhythm with going to bed at an appropriate time.

My son entering his first year of high school. Looking at him and seeing how much he has grown. Thinking back to the day when I first took him to preschool at the age of 3 and wondering where 11 years has gone since that day I held his little hand and let him go. To start his school life. Worried that he would think I was deserting him. Yesterday watching him just get out of the car without a kiss but still telling me he loves me. Seeing how tall he is. How deep his voice is. How much more of a man he has become over the summer. Realising how our eye does not see our children growing in front of us because we still think of them as the babies they were when they first came to us.

Dropping my daughter off next. Almost driving past her new drop off point. Forgetting she is entering her last year of primary school. Realising she is now the big girl in her part of the school. Thinking about how she has grown too over the summer. Waiting for her to gather all of her bags for all of the activities she has to do. Watching her looking so grown up in her uniform. Grateful for the kiss she blows me and her wave goodbye. Our eyes meeting and locking in that instant. A special mother-daughter exchange happening without words. An understanding shared before she turned and walked away.

As I was driving away, I thought about how quickly our children change. How quickly they grow away from us even though they will always be connected to us in spirit and in kind but each day they are becoming more and more independent. Realising how true the statement by Khalil Gibran is that we are vessels through which our children come. We only have them for a borrowed amount of time because their lives are their own to live. We are only here to guide them not direct them. To give them the wings to fly and become who they are meant to become.

Driving away knowing I must enjoy every moment I can with them while I have them. Support them in their dreams as much as I feasibly can. Encourage them to be themselves so they want to be in my space for as long as possible. Rather than trying to get away from me because I am trying to force them to be what they cannot be.

Getting to work thinking how wonderful it is to be a mother. To be a part of another life on this planet. To be important in laying the foundation and groundwork for my children so they can go out in the world as giving and compassionate global citizens. I hope and pray I am able to give my children the gift of self and love so they will have the tools to be givers in this world rather than takers.

And for the blessing and gift of motherhood, I am truly grateful and for the first day of school going almost like clockwork I am truly grateful. Back to routines again. Back to school. Onwards and upwards. The joys of motherhood. Endings and beginnings. End of summer vacation. Beginning of the school year. My daughter entering her last year of primary. My son beginning his first year of high school. Both beginning the new school year. My heart filling with pride, joy and love. Namaste.

Taking the least expected path

Life sometimes takes us down paths we never expected

Brings us face to face with an obstacle we never anticipated

Asks us to examine where we want to go from here

Often in response to whispers we have been subconsciously asking the Universe

Those deep rooted and seated questions we need answers to

The ones that are buried so deep

We believe no one will hear what we are asking

That no one will know our real truths

Until those truths become too immense to contain

Even for our subconscious

Even for our conscious

Until they erupt and explode

Exposing us to the world

Exposing our deepest truths to ourselves through the lens of the world

And because we thought that truth was ours alone

We wonder how it got out

How it exposed us

We feel betrayed, ashamed, afraid, angry

A myriad of emotions

A feeling of nakedness

Of exposure to the eyes of the world

Staring back at us

Unblinking

Accusing

We fear the world will turn away from us

Make life difficult for us

We fear we will turn away from ourselves

Making life difficult for ourselves

We fear so much

That we stop

We surrender

Not in the good surrender

But in the ego based surrender

Because we can no longer take the heat

We can no longer explain

We can no longer hide for what we have asked for all along

It is during these times of our deepest darkest moments

That we are being asked to examine our deep rooted truths

To listen to what we have been asking for

Because it can no longer be contained

We can no longer be contained

We are being asked to decide what we want from here

Where we go from here

Do we go backwards to the place of discontent

Or do we face our ultimate question of what it is we want from life

And reach for it

Even in the midst of the world clamouring against us

When we are exposed

It is because we are meant to be exposed

And we are meant to become what it is we asked to become

We are given the opportunity in sometimes the most lonely way possible

To move forward

To be an instrument of change

To be the miracle we were sent here to be

It takes a very strong person to embrace

This path of the unknown

But when it is shown and taken

With truth, integrity and compassion

The path of the unknown leads us to the path of the known

And we discover once we come out of the overgrown

That we are free

Liberated to be who we asked to be

And that’s why we sometimes find ourselves on a path we never expected

Travelling down a road we never anticipated

Realising it was always our path

Our road to the place we are meant to be

With truth and grace and surrender

Namaste

Some days

Some days I don’t know where to begin or what to write about

Other days the words come tumbling out of my head and spill onto the screen

Some days I feel like a fraud

Like I am not a writer at all but just a woman hiding behind a façade

Some days I feel like I can do anything, be anything

Other days I want to hide from myself and the world

Some days I understand why I am here and what I am meant to do

Other days I don’t know who I am and what I want

Some days I confront myself head on

Other days I don’t know what confrontation is

Some days I feel on top of the world

Other days I feel like the world is on top of me

Some days I feel like a good wife and lover

Other days I wonder why I got married and question what love is

Some days I love my children to death – like they can do no wrong

Other days I wonder where they came from and what they came here to teach me

Some days I love what I do

Other days I think there has to be more to life than this

Some days I sit and wonder

Other days I get up and do

Some days I understand I am no different from any other person

When I am honest with myself

I know that some days will be stellar

And other days will not

That what I must do on those days when I can accomplish

Is to accomplish and do

And not worry about the days when I could not and did not

To remember just like I am not always the same

Neither is life

And on those days when I don’t want to get up and do

That’s when I need to do so even more

Because it is on those days that I learn the most

About who I am and who I am not

It is on those days when I want to bury my head in the sand

That the sand is asking me to understand the whys of life

And to keep going and discovering

Until my writing flows

My mind blows

My confidence expands

And my joy abounds

Because it is on those grey days when life becomes crystal clear

There are no two days alike

Just a journey meant to be enjoyed

A life to be lived

And a destination that is never reached until the end

So just enjoy it as much as I can

That’s when the smile comes

The gratitude returns

And the sun comes back out

Filling the grey day with light

The light of my journey

Filling my spirit with love

Such that I can go out into the world

Filled with love, light and compassion

Knowing some days I will be up

And other days I will be down

And that's okay

And for this message I am truly grateful

Namaste

We must be honest about who we are first

Honesty is one of the most liberating gifts we can ever give to ourselves because when are honest, we realise how easy it is to live. How easy it is to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning without worrying about what we did the moment before. Honesty allows us to walk through life with little to no concern about what people will do or say but sometimes we confuse honesty with blurting out statements that are based on our own egotistical insecurities and not based on our inner truths.

When we are confronted with a situation that causes us to reflect on ourselves, we are being given an opportunity to heal but if we use that opportunity to point our finger at someone else for where  we find ourselves, we will find that eventually that finger pointing and accusation will come back to haunt us. We will find that we become more like the little boy who cried wolf. Eventually people will stop listening to us and instead will begin to see the cracks in the blame story we are carrying around with us. Eventually they will see that the story we are fabricating is actually a story about ourselves rather than a story about anyone else. Particularly the person we are trying to blame.

We need to remember that honesty must come from a place where we truly know its intent is pure not one to disguise the truth. Accuse or alienate. Just by telling someone how we feel about a situation does not mean that everything will go back to how it was. Sometimes it means the other person gets to understand more about who we are and then they can decide if they want to be in our space or not. Because sometimes our truth is not their truth. Sometimes our truth has more to do with the story we are telling ourselves than what we believe is actually the story about the other person.

When people start walking out of our lives or if we discover that we are facing the same issues and same types of people over and over again, we have to start examining ourselves to see what it is about our energy that is attracting these same people and events. Because those people who can help us the most will start to walk away from us and not even look back because they will sense our impure energy. They will sense no matter what they say about us, we will never be able to see it because we are so driven by ego that the truth about who we are and what we are projecting can never be seen by us.

Who we are, honestly are, is reflected in the energy we project. Not the words we speak. Not the way we look but rather in the essence of our very existence. People can feel who we are before we even speak. People are attracted to us by what they sense about us way before they even hear us say a word. So it is important for us to be honest about who we are before we can even attempt to be honest about anyone else or anything else. And that is why honesty begins with us and extends out beyond when we know who we are. And when we embrace who we are, honesty becomes the greatest gift we can ever give to ourselves. Honestly.

Enjoying playing tourist with my children

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed it is better just to stop and to take stock. Go out where we are to see what we have. To be appreciative of all that is around as I did with my children yesterday afternoon. We took the day off and acted like tourists. Exploring our beautiful Island home and taking advantage of the sights people pay to come to see but is freely available to us in our own back yard.

We ventured down to the Grotto Bay in search of the giant water slide only to discover to my daughter’s disappointment that the slide no longer exists. Gone and no one could tell us why or when. She was devastated but we decided to enjoy the beautiful setting we were in and just have lunch.

After lunch we thought what the heck we might as well go to the beach and relax. Why waste the opportunity when it was ours for the taking. The wonderful beach attendant set us up with chairs, towels, umbrellas. Treating us like royalty. We felt truly special and privileged. As we were lounging we saw people going to the Watersports Centre then come back out with kayaks and paddle boards.

My children asked if they could rent one so they could explore. Of course my nerves kicked in at first about them going out on their own on a kayak but then I had to talk to myself. Remind myself that both of them are better swimmers than I am. Both are like fish in the water and love the water. And if I am trying to teach them independence I had to let them go.

They were so excited to be treated like grownups and took to their new responsibility with glee. I watched as my son, big brother, put his sister in the kayak making sure she was secure and then they were off. Paddling across the bay together. Stopped from time to time exploring some more and then moving again. I watched them thinking what a wonderful way for them to spend the afternoon. No computers. No TVs. No technology but just out amongst the azure seas beneath a canopy of romantic clouds scattered across the sky. Airplanes flying overhead. People swimming.

A wonderful and content silence filling me as nature embraced my energy. Bringing me back to what we are all about. Bringing me back to the fact that we are one. Of nature. Of the turquoise water reflecting back at me. Shimmering under the spectacular sun. Reminding me we are one.

And my restlessness settled. My anxiety gave way to not feeling guilty about sitting on the beach enjoying the fresh ocean air and its gently breeze. I was so caught up in the moment that I decided to cast aside my not interfering with the water policy and went in to join my children. To say they were shocked is an understatement. They kept looking around to see if a storm was coming because I was in the water. We laughed and played together. The two of them happy, we were enjoying the water together.

And then I dared to indulge myself more by diving under the water. My daughter screaming mommy got her hair wet to her brother. Both of them exchanging looks of shock. Looking at me like I had two heads! Me feeling like a million dollars because I had pushed my inhibitions to the side. My desire for perfection long gone as I swam around with my children. Not caring what my hair looked like or what I looked like. Sinking beneath the water several times as the water soothed my skin. My mind. My body and my soul.

Lying back in the water, listening to the silence of the day and inhaling the salty scent of the ocean as the salty water brushed my lips. Feeling so grateful for just letting go and being in the moment with my children on a tourist day in Bermuda. What an absolute treat. 

Ramblings of my restless mind

I am feeling restless at the moment. Routines are off. Can’t seem to find my natural rhythm. Writing is eluding me. Creativity is evading me. All I want to do is rest. Do nothing. But when I do nothing, I feel guilty for doing nothing so my restlessness intensifies.

Seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do anything. But then sometimes the hours feel like they are stretching by endlessly. I seem to be in this in-between state. Between here and there but getting nowhere.

I am sitting out on my porch right now listening to the birds singing. Watching the temperamental weather changing every five minutes. Full sun one minute then dark overcast skies the next. My children are still fast asleep and because this is their last week of school holiday I am letting them rest because next week will be full steam ahead for all of us. Schedules overlapping. Needing to be in two places at once.

A cool breeze keeps wafting through the porch. Actually it’s more like a gust from time to time causing the windchime to resonate deeply after the gust passes. Stilling my nerves for a time with its harmonious chime. Even my writing feels all over the place today. Just as scattered as my brain. As my thoughts.

I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything worthwhile because it’s almost like I don’t know where to start or what to do. Is it the air?  Still does not feel right for this time of the year. Still does not seem like we are in the right season. With the coolness of the air already. Granted it is September but September is usually our most humid month and yet the humidity does not feel as stifling as it normally does at this time of the year.

I am watching our little rabbit Mysty hopping around the porch. Trying to find her rhythm too. Like she does not know what to do. She can’t believe her luck that she is out at this time of the day during the week. She comes to be to be stroked and looks up at me with such appreciation and wonder. My heart melts.

Is this what life is trying to tell me right now that sometimes I just need to accept I won’t know what I am supposed to be doing and that I just need to go with the flow. Not trying to always have the answers because sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes there is no direction except to just be grateful for the sun, the moon and the stars. For waking up in the morning. For still worrying about what happens next because it means I am still alive.

So I am going to stop lamenting about what to do and just do something. Get started on something and be grateful for where I am as I am. The miracle I was sent here to be. Namaste.

When we are our authentic selves

When we are attuned to our authentic selves, life gives us unexpected gifts. Unexpected road maps for where we are to go next.

Like this morning when I woke up, the first day of my time away from the office for a week and I sat down to meditate. To still my racing mind I remembered there was a bonus meditation from Deepak Chopra and Oprah so I decided to do take advantage of the bonus meditation entitled Miraculous Dynamism. And once I listened I knew I was being given a gift from the Universe to remember I am a force in my own right. That I get to choose the very essence that I send rippling out into the world. That I have a dynamism that is a wondrous power. As do you. As do us all.

As I was in the midst of my meditation, I could feel rays of light dazzling before my closed eyes. Almost like the world was on fire. Almost like diamonds sparkling in the light. And I felt my soul matching the light. My spirit dancing with the light. My whole being radiating with the light. And then I realised the dazzling light was reflecting my dazzling light. 

I felt the reason the sun was shining through my windows at my eye level was to capture me and pull me in. To remind me that my light comes through when I am ready to let it shine and no one can take that light away from me unless I allow them. Unless I don’t want to shine. Unless I am not being my authentic self. And no matter how hard someone tries to steal my light or the light of my family, I have to accept I am the owner of my light so only I can turn it up or turn it down or turn it off all together.

In order for my children to learn they control their own light I must be willing to shine my light as much as possible. I must be willing to use my energy in a positive way such that my light shines naturally through and they learn from my energy how important it is to have authentic and pure energy. Chopra said, “The message is not to put on a mask of cheerfulness or try to be positive all the time. People who are attuned to their own true self, will always sense when we are being authentic or putting on a persona or disguise. What is important is the awareness that through our energy or consciousness, we have an unlimited capacity to send out ripples that will help our planet and its inhabitants move in the most evolutionary direction from fear, hostility and unrest to love, compassion, peace and joy.”

To use the mantra today, “I use my energy to heal and transform” will help me to bring forth my light and to bring forth the best in those around me, those in my inner circle. To those who choose to be amongst people with a shining and embracing light rather than those who want to take the light for themselves. The light and energy of the Universe is abundant enough for us all. In other words, there is no need to feel like we are any less than anyone else. All we need to be is our authentic self not what we can not be.

Each one of us is here for a reason. Each one of us has a gift to share. When we remember this, we project our inner most selves and then we receive the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe like a magnet. As I did this morning in my meditation with the dazzling light of the Universe radiating throughout my being. As I understood this morning when I received the gift of the Universe. The voice of the One Source. And I felt aligned and supported by the rhythm of the Universe. And for this blessing I am truly grateful. Namaste 

Our daughter showing us how important it is to let our children be who they are

Wow is all I can say. We are all just waking up this morning after a full and special day for our daughter and our family.

Our daughter walked away last evening with the Little Miss Paradise, Miss Congeniality, and Miss Photogenic titles in the Little Miss Paradise Pageant and she blew us away. And I am so glad we allowed her to pursue her dream. We were the sort of parents who thought pageants were frivolous for girls and did not want our daughter to be a part of that whole scene. But seeing her last evening come alive on stage with such poise, dignity and confidence we knew we had done the right thing by allowing her to be who she wants to be.

Our daughter researched the pageant, found it then came to us and asked us if she could enter. As parents, we were both hesitant about it as we are of the philosophy that children should develop their whole selves rather than just focusing on their physical selves and what they look like. But she told us the Pageant was not just a beauty contest that it was about building confidence and showing talents. It was about being on stage. Then we talked to her about how she would feel if she did not win the pageant and her answer was if she did not win, it would be just wonderful that she was on stage doing the best she could. And she would learn from that experience to take her to the next experience.

She chose every outfit she was going to wear. Her music for her talent. Her formal dress she did not want her dad to see until she had it on on the stage. She worked on her own to develop the answers she thought she would be asked. She didn’t want us to know how she was going to answer the questions because she wanted the whole night to be hers and not what we thought she should say. She wanted everything to be a surprise to us. And did she ever surprise us every step along the way.

From the moment she walked on the stage to the moment she walked off we were mesmerised by our daughter. By our little girl who set a goal for herself and more than exceeded it. A little girl who asked us to let her be herself not what we thought she should be. A little girl who showed us that when we follow our passions with dedication and truth, we will always come out on top. Always feel like winners. And last evening she stood amongst 6 other young ladies who all did the best they could, built lasting friendships with people she had not met before and gained so much more than just being in a pageant. She gained validation that as long as she is being true to herself and if it is her time, life will always reward her.

And what was priceless was when we were driving home and she said she felt bad for the other girls because she won everything, I knew we are raising our daughter right because even in her crowning moment, she was thinking about the feelings of the other girls.  Then when we got home, all of her friends and some of our friends had come to our house. All of them proud of her. All of them congratulating her and she being gracious to share her win with them. Our hearts swelling with pride for the young lady she is becoming and the friends she has by her side through thick and thin.

We would like to thank the Pageant organisers Mrs DeRoza, Miss Brangman, Miss Simmons, Miss Smith and Miss Galloway for all the work they put into our young ladies. A thank you to all of the other contestants. A job well done to everyone who took part in the Pageant. We are so proud of our daughter for just going for it and claiming who she is. An invaluable lesson for a young lady developing who she is. An invaluable lesson to us as parent to learn how important it is to let our children be who they are.