I am the big 5-0 today! Happy Birthday to me

Wow, I did it. I hoped I would get to see this day. Prayed I would get to see this day. And now it is here and I am somewhat shell shocked. Happy but shell shocked. I have reached a milestone birthday for me. Today I am 50 years old. The Big 5-0.

A new decade. A new beginning. For me uncharted territory because my idol, my mother, never reached this decade. I have lived on this Earth for 6 more years than she ever did. Amazing to know I am older than my mother was when she died. And I still feel so young at heart.

Because of my mother’s early death and having the privilege of seeing this day, to welcome in another decade, I am truly and honestly grateful. The trepidation and shell shocked feeling I felt is gone. Replaced with a smile. A huge smile. My whole being is tingling with excitement.

Pure, pure joy and happiness. I actually cannot believe I have walked on this Earth for 50 years. I still feel like that little girl on the inside. The one who is constantly seeking. Constantly challenging. Constantly asking for awareness and direction. The one who still believes in magic and make believe. The one who knows the world is out there as well as within. The one who dances and sings and dreams.

And today, April 23, I have entered a new phase in my life. I am 50 wonderful, glorious and fabulous years old today. I have had people come and go in my life. I have made my share of mistakes.  At 50 I am now entitled to call my mistakes lessons or whatever else I damn well please.

I have had my share of successes. Against the odds. Against the will of others who did not want to see me succeed or to grow into the woman I am today. But I refuse to become a victim of my circumstance. Instead allowing my circumstance to help me to understand more about me and about others as well as about life. Accepting I am where I am and it is up to me to do something about any circumstance I may not like.

Looking back over my 50 years, would I change any of my life experiences? Absolutely and with great certainty no I would not. Every scar, every wart, every mark on my ethereal body, physical body and spiritual body has been well earned and is there to remind me of from whence I have come. I embrace them all. I understand without them, I could not be the woman I am today and am becoming. 

I am feeling very full today. Full of grace. Full of dignity. Full of gratitude, love and light because I am 50 and I am truly blessed. I never knew 50 could look and feel so good as it does on me today. Some people have asked me if I feel old. Questioned why I want to tell everyone my age. My answer is it is better to have woken up this morning than not to have. And I am so honoured to still be of service. To still be given more time in this physical form. Acknowledging  I am still here for a reason. And I embrace that fact wholeheartedly.

I am so grateful today to fully embrace every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year of my 50 years of life thus far. And I am so ready for the more to come. I am a work of art in progress. Refining myself every single chance I get. Getting rid of the frivolous. Making room for the marvelous. And celebrating every aspect of who I am. 50 and fabulous. Awesome.

Happy birthday to me. Happy Birthday to fabulous and beautiful me. Happy birthday to me. Who would have thought 50 could be so liberating, freeing, so powerful as it feels to me today. I didn't but I now do and I am grateful. And truly blessed. 

50. Wow is all I can say. Look out world. This 50 year old woman is claiming every aspect, year, length, width and breadth of her life and is more than ready for whatever is to come. Thy will be done.