Restless

This morning I woke up with this quirky thought in my head about being restless and I wrote this blog.

Restless. I am feeling restless at the moment. I can feel something is about to happen but I don’t know what. I don’t know whether I am supposed to move toward the feeling or away from it. So I am holding tight. Doing a lot of praying and meditating and stillness. But I can’t shake this feeling of restlessness.

It seems like I am in a holding pattern with little snippets of what is coming  appearing in my mind’s eye. But I can’t make heads or tails out of the snippets. Adding to the restless feeling I am feeling at the moment.

Restlessness is a sign of what I keep asking myself. Am I preempting what is to come by trying to project to a place I don’t belong yet. It’s almost as if I don’t want to miss out on whatever this thing is that’s causing me to feel restless. So I feel glued to the spot. Neither moving forwards nor backwards. Just waiting. And waiting and waiting.

But still at the same time feeling restless. I tell myself to surrender the feeling to the Universe. To let whatever is meant to unfold, unfold. But there is a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I need to act and act fast. Act on what is the next question because I have no idea about what it is I am meant to act on.

Restlessness is a sign of impatience some people say. A sign of not be able to be content about where we are. Some believe it is a means of projecting into the future rather than living in the present moment.  Overlooking the now. I know all these things deep down inside but I am still an imperfect human being living in an  imperfect world. So sometimes I get sucked into these moments of uncertainty which lately seem to be quite often.

I don’t know if it has something to do with turning 50 and feeling like the clock is ticking as I stand on the sidelines and watch it tick while doing nothing but watching. Chastising myself for doing so. Questioning who I am and what am I here to do constantly. Because there is this niggling feeling I have. A feeling I can neither touch nor describe. But it’s there and it’s making me restless. Anyone else feeling this way?

Not necessary a blog of information and discovery today but a blog of seeking and sometimes life takes us down those paths to remind us we don’t have the answers to everything immediately in front of us and the reason why we don’t is because we don’t know what the question is. Only when we know the question are we able to arrive at the solution. And sometimes the restlessness is asking us to find the question we are seeking so we can arrive at the answer we need.

After writing the blog I didn't feel comfortable with it so I started searching the Internet, Facebook to ground myself and figure out what I was doing. And then I found this cartoon and knew I had to post my blog because I was meant to learn when we are searching too hard to find the answer we have lost the plot because it is the obstacle, and in my cases, my restlessness that is the path I am meant to be on - not the answer to it. So today I am surrendering to my restlessness and letting it take me where I am meant to be.

Listening without resistance to our inner consciousness

There is a feeling we get when we are not right. It snakes its way from our head to our toes and back again. It changes the sensations in our body. It comes every time to let us know when something is not right. But yet we choose to ignore it. Push it aside. Over thinking it. Overanalysing it. Then ignoring it. Talking ourselves out of the feeling until the feeling goes. But we can’t really shake it even once it goes.

Because deep down inside we always know. We always know when it is time to walk away. Time to stop doing what does not feel right. But we doubt the feelings. Doubt the sensations. Telling ourselves it isn't so. That the feeling is not real. That we are just making it up. Questioning whether we are creating the doubts. The nagging sensations. And we let time slip by. Idly. While we fight the feeling. Fight our inner guides.

And when the feeling comes back again. And again. Until we get the message. Connect the dots. No longer able to resist the alarms going off in our brains, we suddenly see what our mind’s eye was trying to show us all along. And then we become frustrated. Angry even that we let time slip by when we could have changed direction long before. And saved ourselves lots of time and aggravation. As I did this morning.

This morning I was so tired from a very restless night. I think in total I slept about 3 hours. Thoughts swirling through my mind. Hearing the wind banging things around outside.  Watching the sensors lights switching on and off with the wind. The outside reflecting the turmoil on my insides.

Getting up to go to the bathroom every hour it seemed. I felt overstuffed like I had eaten too much food but I could not remember what I had eaten and why it was bothering me. Hot flashes racing from head to toe. One minute I was boiling hot. The next shivering from the cold. I could not get myself to sleep no matter how hard I tried. And then when I did it was 5 minutes before I was meant to get up. So I closed my eyes and before I knew it, it was 15 minute past the time I was supposed to get up. I leapt out of bed. Trying to still my racing brain. But for some reason it wanted to race and there was nothing  I could do to stop it.

Giving in to my racing mind, I sat down to meditate. Put on my meditation music and closed my eyes. And then I must have drifted off to sleep. Gone deep within my brain to that place of peace. But after the time the meditation was supposed to end, my mind started telling me, I had gone over the time. That I needed to come out of my deep slumber. That the time was done. But I refused to believe it. Refused to accept the feeling of all knowingness. Telling myself that I would have heard the music end for my mediation. That surely the time had not gone by that quickly. Had I not just closed my eyes?

And so my mind fought against my knowingness. My meditation even becoming a struggle. Until I could take it no longer because the feelings were becoming overwhelming. Hot flashes becoming more prominent. And the voice inside my head would not still. Forcing me to open my eyes.  To surrender to the warnings going off in my head. And sure enough I had gone over my meditation by 9 minutes and 53 seconds and was into the next one without even realizing  it. But my all knowingness knew and had been trying to tell me all along.

Teaching me this morning no matter how tired we are, no matter how distracted we are, the all knowingness inside us all is never tired, never frustrated and is always there for us when we are willing to surrender to it. To listen to it. As it did with me this morning. Reminding me in a very simple way to trust those feeling, those sensations that let me know when I am on the wrong path. I heard it loud and clear this morning and I hope I will listen to it from now on. Sooner rather than later.

We all have this inner consciousness, this inner guide, this inner compass that will never lead us astray if we listen. And feel without resistance. We could save ourselves so much bother. So much turmoil. If we would just stop and listen and allow ourselves to be guided. Surrendering to the beat of our own drum. Stepping into the rhythm of our own souls,  how sweet life would be. 

2013 a Year of Endings and Beginnings

2013 seems to be a year of lots of endings. People dying. Young ones at that. Jobs being lost. Tragedies occurring where innocent lives are taken. Friendships and relationships ending. There are lots of people hurting in the world right now. Hurting because they have lost people, places and things they never dreamed they would.

But there is a reason for these events and situations. And we may not understand them in the moment but eventually their meanings will come to light. But what I do notice is that when tragic events or life shattering events occur, the door that closed allows room for another to open.

Endings allow us to take stock of where we are in our lives and go through periods of deep thinking and inner listening to determine how it is we want to emerge from our hurtful situations. For some it is easier to do than others. For some it is hanging on to all the pain and trying to find blame rather than going within and seeing what it is we truly asked for when we came here. What lessons we asked to learn. What trials and tribulations we came here to overcome so we can understand who we are and what we want out of this life. And it does not matter what others may have said or done to us to hurt us, it is all about what we want.

2013 is reflective of the turmoil we are all experiencing. The readjustment of our life plans and the way we carry out our every day existence. Many of us are crying out for mercy. For help. For love because we are being bombarded with so much tragedy and despair. Life is changing so much. The way we interact with each other is changing so much. So much so, it is difficult to keep up. To change at the pace life is changing around us. Do we give up? No we do not.

We can change when we give ourselves the time to stop and to reflect. When we stop and give ourselves the time to inhale and exhale. When we stop and give ourselves the time to shut out the noise of the outside world and listen to the voices of our inner guides.

We always know when we are heading in the right direction. We always know when tragedy is about to strike. We always know when we are with the wrong people. We always know when we are with the right people. It’s all about how our hearts and souls feel and respond to the environments we find ourselves in. When we stop and listen to our inner guides, that’s when we know how to deal with whatever circumstance we may be confronted with. That’s when we know when it is time to say goodbye. That’s when we know why we had to say goodbye to someone or something we really loved at a point in our lives. That’s when we know when it is time to shut the door on the hurt we have experienced and open the door to the new.

Sometimes it takes more time than we dreamed because we are shocked by the unexpected. But eventually all is revealed when we allow ourselves to heal by listening to the voices of our inner most guides. Only then can we learn that endings are doorways to some of the greatest healings of our lives. Allowing us the key to the new beginnings that come with every ending.

So I will rephrase my first sentence to say 2013 is a year of reckoning, retribution and more importantly a year of great healing for us all. It is a year of endings providing portals to new beginnings. May we have the strength to close the doors that need to be closed to give us the power to open the ones we need to move forward.

Enraptured by the light of the full moon

Embrace the light of the moon

And the light of the moon will embrace you

Appreciate the light of the moon

And the light of the moon will appreciate you

Every once in a while

I am enraptured by the light of the moon

Captured by the light of the moon

Seduced by the light of the moon

In ways unexpected

In moments of reverence and silence

When the light of the moon calls my name

Asking me to turn

To stop

To shut out the noise

Of the day

To listen to the silence

Of the night

When the light of the moon calls my name

Whispers to me

To appreciate its radiance

To feel it

Allow it to run through my veins

And flow through my whole being

As it did last night

When I stepped out of my car

On my way back from another long day

When the light of the day 

Had turned to the light of the night

When the moon was high in the sky

Casting its light through the dark night

Almost as if someone had turned on the lights

But dimmed them

Just so

Giving me space

To to see the silhouettes

Of the trees

Of the leaves

Of nature

Allowing me to see

There is always light even on the darkest night

That everything has a light

Illuminating us all

We just have to stop and take the time

To look

To appreciate

To feel

The light

I was so glad of my experience last night

When the moon called my name

And I listened

Stopping me in my tracks

Asking me to look

At its fullness

Its abundance

Looking at the bright full moon

The stars by its side

The clouds like wispy protectors

Keeping their distance from the fullness of the moon

So as not to steal

Its light

I felt my burdens lighten

My soul sing

My spirit soar

As the feeling of possibility penetrated me

Expanding me

I listened to the call of the moon last night

And I knew it was telling me to always shine my light

Even on my darkest night

Willing me to remember

The light is there for me always

As it is for anyone who believes

In the magic of the moon

The light of the moon

The dance of the moon

The mystery of the moon

My whole being shook

With the knowingness

Filling every atom, cell, make up of my physical being

Activating my ethereal being’s memory

Until I could move again

And then I turned and walked

Slowly away from the moon

Turning my back to it

But I knew it was within me

That it had awakened me again

To appreciate all that I have

To savour the light that is always mine

I walked up the steps 

Then stopped

To look back in the Southeast direction of my home

And there it was

Waiting

Smiling

Behind the trees

Peering through at me

Whispering my name

Casting silhouetted light

Never leaving

Never waning

As bold and as bright as it could be

Proud and large

I turned away again

This time the smile

On my face

The smile of the moon

Feeling as light as a feather

Winged like a butterfly

And walked into my home

Full of love and light

Embraced by the light of the moon

On a cloudless night

Transformational moment

Of silence

Of reverence

Of appreciation

Every once in a while

I am seduced by the light of the moon

Enraptured by the light of the moon

Captured by the light of the moon

And when I am

I know I am of the light

Of the moon

Of the stars

Of all that is

Was and ever will be

For I am

Namaste

The Alluring Power of the Internet

Back online. Work is really taking it out of me at the moment. I am in meetings all day then having to stay until quite late  to get the work that I could not get done during normal work hours done. So last night I got home at a little after nine, took a shower then went to bed. And it seems the earlier I go to bed the later I wake up in the morning. As I did this morning – a whole 40 minutes later than I normally do. But this time I didn't panic. I didn't get upset. I just let it go.

Obviously I was meant to sleep in. I was meant to relax a bit. I also believe it’s because I’m not separating my work from my home life and I need to do that. What I also realized last night was the Internet was down for a reason. And it was to give me and everyone in my family a break from being bombarded by outside noise. From being exposed to too much of what is happening outside of us rather than inside of us. And last night when I got home and realized we were back online, I thought I would be more relieved but I wasn't.

I have to admit I had to make myself resist the temptation to go online to see what was happening in the world. To touch base with Facebook and Twitter and MSN. I resisted it all and listened to my body saying just go to bed. It felt a little strange to do so. Like I was neglecting something.  Missing out something. But I told myself if I signed on to the Internet, it would be midnight before I got up and went to bed. That’s how alluring searching the Internet and getting on Facebook and Twitter can be.

And then I thought about how my husband and I are on our children about their computer usage and the amount of time they spend on it. We used to set parameters around the time they were allowed on the Internet but now it has become such a huge part of all our lives that it is very difficult to shut it out. It has become like a drug to us all. We know we should be doing other things. We know we are procrastinating when we are searching the Net but we can’t resist it. It’s like we need our fix every day. Our desire to live vicariously through others, whether friend or foe is fascinating.

The Internet allows us insight into others lives and habits. Some people even following people they don’t like and then try to hide the fact they do. Getting information they may not like. But still they can’t help checking up on people through the back door. Other people knowing they are being followed -worrying about what they post in the event they offend someone but then realizing they have to be who they are and post for those who are learning from them rather than taking from them maliciously.

The whole Internet is an interesting phenomenon because it is something we all love to hate but we recognize it is connecting us in ways we never thought possible. It is also helping people to create alter egos. Sometimes portraying their lives as very exciting when in fact they may be very lonely. So the glamour and prestige that is seen on their Facebook pages or Twitter accounts may not be representative of the whole aspect of who they are.  But merely the side they want the world to see.

Our lives are being lived out as mini dramas, mini soap operas all the time through the power of Internet. Allowing us in our own way to become celebrities with the number of people who follow us - whether with good intention or bad.  What we always have to remember is even if we think no one knows what we are doing, there is always karma that does.  Remembering always the Internet is a wonderful means of communicating, connecting, and validating but it is not the means that creates balance and peace within us. We are still driven by the Divine and Universal Law. So regardless of what image we think we are portraying via the Internet, the real one is still subject to the Laws of Attraction and Karma.

 We are all still subject to attracting that which we project. To feeling the effects of every action we take. To being the recipient of whatever energy it is that we are underneath all the façade. So what I am saying is be careful of what you think and do because it will come back to you regardless of the image you are presenting on Facebook, Twitter and whatever other site you are using. And for those who are sneaking behind others’ backs, those brave enough to put themselves out there, and discussing them behind their backs, there is the law of karma that will always override the power of the Internet.

The Internet is a man made system illustrating for us how we are meant to communicate and connect but the power of intuition and universal love and interconnectedness is far greater than any Internet or anything that man can make.  And that fact can never be overlooked. We are still the human being that we have always been and will always be deep down inside regardless of what we create and regardless of what we try to hide. Remembering always Karma, Inner Peace, The Laws of the Universe and the interconnectedness of us all is what drives us and balances us over anything we can ever create.

Taking life's glitches in stride

Yesterday morning immediately after I posted my blog and I was feeling on top of the world, the Internet went down in my house and it has been down ever since! In this day and age to lose the Internet for nearly 24 hours is unheard off. And it really knocks my morning routine off.
This blog post is about my 5th attempt to post something as I am typing on a tiny blackberry with 50 year old eyes. so everything is far too miniscule for me and I am nervous about what will actually ome out on this post. Particularly since I am outside my comfort zone right now. But am doing what feels right so forgive the mistakes and typos and try to focus on the intent.
I had one of the best birthdays ever and the reason I did is because I celebrated my birthday for myself. It was not for anyone else but for me and it felt really good to do so. My husband and I spent the day in bed watching Downton Abbey. When I told my husband that's what I wanted to do he could not believe it at first particularly since I had said when I turned 50 I was going to have the biggest party ever. So to him for me to o fromthose grand plans to the two of us watching Downton Abbey was slughtly schizophrenic! But that was what I wanted and that's what we did and I loved every  moment of it.
Particularly since my husband did it with  twist. The morning started with my husband and children giving me birthday  cards they had individually chosen. Each card representing each one of them's personality to a tee. my husband then take our children to school then came back home with a feast he had ordered along with champagne. and thus began our day. just the two  of us. Lovely.
In the evening we went o a very special couple's home for dinner. This couple is like the grounder and balancer for our family and they had prepared a feast for my 50th including my children. The evening was better than I even dreamed. Looking around the table and seeing 5 people wo know me better than most helping me to celebrate my milestone birthday was so beautiful and so touching.
We then came back home full of food, love and family togetherness only for my 9 year old daughter to surprise me with  cupcake flower cake she had made and with her brother's help  had decorated for me. They had run into the kitchen, forbidding me to enter, put candles on the cake and lit them. turned off the lights then called us in.
When I walked in they sang Happy Birthday to me and I had tears in my eyes. To know I am raising children who take such care in clebrating my birthday. To know I am married to a man who still thinks I am beautiful and went out of his way to create a special day for me. For us. To know I have friends who prepared a feast for my family. To receive all the well wishes from friends and family far and wide, I know I am truly blessed and have so much to be grateful for.
If turning 50 feels like this, I have no problem with 50 more. With deep love and appreciation, I am signing out now flaws and all. Typos and all. Acknowledging life sometimes does not give us what we wnat but when we take what we are given and work with it with gratitude, it always work out in the end.

I am the big 5-0 today! Happy Birthday to me

Wow, I did it. I hoped I would get to see this day. Prayed I would get to see this day. And now it is here and I am somewhat shell shocked. Happy but shell shocked. I have reached a milestone birthday for me. Today I am 50 years old. The Big 5-0.

A new decade. A new beginning. For me uncharted territory because my idol, my mother, never reached this decade. I have lived on this Earth for 6 more years than she ever did. Amazing to know I am older than my mother was when she died. And I still feel so young at heart.

Because of my mother’s early death and having the privilege of seeing this day, to welcome in another decade, I am truly and honestly grateful. The trepidation and shell shocked feeling I felt is gone. Replaced with a smile. A huge smile. My whole being is tingling with excitement.

Pure, pure joy and happiness. I actually cannot believe I have walked on this Earth for 50 years. I still feel like that little girl on the inside. The one who is constantly seeking. Constantly challenging. Constantly asking for awareness and direction. The one who still believes in magic and make believe. The one who knows the world is out there as well as within. The one who dances and sings and dreams.

And today, April 23, I have entered a new phase in my life. I am 50 wonderful, glorious and fabulous years old today. I have had people come and go in my life. I have made my share of mistakes.  At 50 I am now entitled to call my mistakes lessons or whatever else I damn well please.

I have had my share of successes. Against the odds. Against the will of others who did not want to see me succeed or to grow into the woman I am today. But I refuse to become a victim of my circumstance. Instead allowing my circumstance to help me to understand more about me and about others as well as about life. Accepting I am where I am and it is up to me to do something about any circumstance I may not like.

Looking back over my 50 years, would I change any of my life experiences? Absolutely and with great certainty no I would not. Every scar, every wart, every mark on my ethereal body, physical body and spiritual body has been well earned and is there to remind me of from whence I have come. I embrace them all. I understand without them, I could not be the woman I am today and am becoming. 

I am feeling very full today. Full of grace. Full of dignity. Full of gratitude, love and light because I am 50 and I am truly blessed. I never knew 50 could look and feel so good as it does on me today. Some people have asked me if I feel old. Questioned why I want to tell everyone my age. My answer is it is better to have woken up this morning than not to have. And I am so honoured to still be of service. To still be given more time in this physical form. Acknowledging  I am still here for a reason. And I embrace that fact wholeheartedly.

I am so grateful today to fully embrace every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year of my 50 years of life thus far. And I am so ready for the more to come. I am a work of art in progress. Refining myself every single chance I get. Getting rid of the frivolous. Making room for the marvelous. And celebrating every aspect of who I am. 50 and fabulous. Awesome.

Happy birthday to me. Happy Birthday to fabulous and beautiful me. Happy birthday to me. Who would have thought 50 could be so liberating, freeing, so powerful as it feels to me today. I didn't but I now do and I am grateful. And truly blessed. 

50. Wow is all I can say. Look out world. This 50 year old woman is claiming every aspect, year, length, width and breadth of her life and is more than ready for whatever is to come. Thy will be done.

What a wonderful world we live in

What a beautiful weekend we had. Perfect Spring weather the whole weekend long. Full of possibility, love and light. Breathing space for us all. No excuse to feel shrouded in darkness when we have perfect spring days as we had.

There is so much to be grateful for in this world. So much to be grateful for in our lives. Too often we look for the problems rather than taking the time to express gratitude for the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe.

Too often we wait for what can and will go wrong rather than expressing gratitude for all that is right in our lives and is going right.

Too often we are so pessimistic about our lives, our world, the Universe that we contribute to the negativity that prevails. If we were to shift our thoughts from the negativity and embrace all that is positive, we will see a shift in our society. A shift in our perception of our society and in doing so a shift in all that comes our way.

Remembering always we are what we attract.

I read an interesting post last night by Elizabeth Lesser, cofounder of  Omega Institute, and it was all about negative media and the illusion that people want negative news and it is negative news that sells. When in fact what has been discovered is that more people will share positive news than they will negative. More people are enlightened and their hearts feel lighter when they receive positive news than when they receive negative news.

She quoted this wonderful quote from Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.”  There are too many good things on this planet, in our worlds, in our lives than they are bad. But for some reason we have become conditioned to embrace the negative without realizing that by doing so we are actually pulling our lives down, limiting our possibilities and becoming exactly what we don’t like.

Sure there are some things about my life that I am not completely satisfied with. There are some situations in my life that I wish were different but what I am learning is if I accept I am exactly where I am meant to be and if I express gratitude every single day for my life, I will not shut down. Nor will I limit the possibilities that exist for me.

So today is Monday, the beginning of a new week. The beginning of a special week for me. And I am really grateful I woke up this morning. That I experienced such a beautiful weekend. That my family is thriving. That life is wonderful and I am so happy to be a part of this grand stage called life.

Happy week to everyone.  Remembering “no problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.” When we embrace the good, let go of the negative, we become good and we project love and light into our own hearts allowing that love and light to radiate out to everyone that crosses our path. Changing our outlook which ultimately impacts the outlook of others.
What can be a more fitting way to celebrate Earth Day than to express gratitude for the wonderful planet we live on. 

In gratitude for this beautiful world we live in. For the air we breathe. For life itself. Namaste.

If you would like to read Elizabeth Lesser's  post, you may do so @ElizabethLesser.  She can also be found on Facebook.

Spring has finally sprung

Spring has finally sprung for us in Bermuda. The last few days have been glorious. The sun is shining brightly. The clouds are like those fluffy little pillows where you can find special images meant just for you. The birds are in full chorus. Flowers are blooming. And there is a feeling of hope and possibility in the air as a result of nature’s rebirthing itself. Gone are the gray dark days. Making way for the long days full of light.

Telling me always to remember even when everything inside and around me feels dead, it’s because I am on the cusp of being reborn. When the colours and even I feel dull, I am in my cocooning period. Waiting to be reborn. Waiting to emerge from my period of darkness.

Life has a way of shutting us down. Asking us to go within. To explore what we want and need in our lives. To determine whether our wants are as important as our needs. To determine if the wants are driven by ego rather than by love. To determine whether that prize we so desperately want is the prize that will bring us the most fulfillment. Or if it is to fulfill our wants. Our egos.

I am discovering that fulfilling needs versus wants and desires have very different outcomes. Fulfilling needs usually come without much struggle. And they are usually brought to us in the least expected ways. Delivered to us when we least expect. Gift wrapped just as we need.

Fulfilling wants and desires on the other hand usually come with much struggle, hardship and in the end do not fulfill what we thought they would.  Instead I feel like I am carrying a burden because when that desire or want is fulfilled I always lose something in return. It’s almost like I am bartering with my dark side to get something that is not rightfully mine and in doing so I lose something or take on something I never intended in the first place.

That’s why we have the seasons. To remind us there is a season for everything. The winter season is our dark season. When everything dies off. Giving us the time to go into ourselves. To reflect on what’s important in life. To experience the cold and short dark days. To prepare ourselves for spring when all of our thoughts and needs are allowed to bubble to the surface and we are reborn.

All I know is we have to really take our period of darkness as a gift to really reflect on what it is that will bring us the most satisfaction and clearly set our intentions. Because if we don’t we end up holding the bag of an outcome we did not anticipate.

Spring has definitely sprung in Bermuda. The colours are vivid. The birds are chirping. There is a feeling of rebirth in the air. And I am feeling it deep in my soul too. Inhaling deeply the new. Exhaling slowly the old. Telling the Universe I am ready to embrace the new. Whispering, Thy will be done. And letting go.

And for the changing of seasons to remind me of the cycles of life, I am truly grateful. Namaste.

Making decisions is always divisive

“Making decisions is always divisive,” Tony Blair.

On the death of Dame Margaret Thatcher, former Prime Minister of England, Tony Blair, was asked what he thought about her and one of his answers was, “Making decisions is always divisive.” I had never thought about the process of making decisions in this way before.

So I have mulled it over and over for the last week or so. And now I am ready to explore it. To tackle it and what it means to me.  I realize now just how profound his depiction of decision making really is. It helped me to understand why it is so hard for us to make decisions. And stick with them. Particularly if we are people pleasers or people that do not want to hurt anyone.  Because deep down we know when we do, we will not be completely settled with the decision we have made and nor will those around us especially if the decisions is controversial or will hurt others. But it is a true fact that most decisions will impact some in a positive way while they will impact others in a negative way.

When Dame Margaret Thatcher, whether we like her or not, took power in England, she was the only woman to do so and because she made decisions over and over again regardless of what those decisions did for her politically, she became known as the “Iron Lady”. And even on her death, those who felt wronged by her could not and would not forgive her despite her ultimate downward spiral from a woman of such great stature to a woman who had lost touch with reality. Beginning with having lost her seat of power by being betrayed by her supposedly close allies, the death of her beloved husband and finally suffering from dementia.

Still she was not forgotten nor forgiven. All because she made decisions which in her opinion had to be done to bring her country back from the brink of destruction and financial ruin.

Sure some of the decisions she made were quite punitive and caused a lot of pain for a lot of people and quite possibly for herself behind closed doors. Something we will never know about her because she probably died with those secrets close to her heart. But what I believe about her is that she had the nerves of steel to make decisions in the first place particularly because she was a woman, the first and incidentally the last woman Prime Minister of England. And because she made those decisions she created much divisiveness in England. People to this day still either hate her or love her and there seems to be little in between.

What I admire about Dame Thatcher is that she did not waver in the face of public outcry. Did not waver when the politicians were coming at her with their long knives. Did not falter when pressure was put on her to be something she could not be. She made change after change to her country by making decisions and sticking with them.

The sign of true leadership is having the ability to make those decisions that are best for the greater good regardless of the personal consequences it may have on us as individuals. Because sometimes it means having to be hated and vilified. Honest decisions based on trying to help rather than hide behind political waffling are hard to make. Having the ability to stare down the opposition and stand by our convictions as Dame Thatcher did is a mark of honour.

I know I have made some major decisions in my life that still haunt me to this day but they are decisions I know have led me to where I need to be. Sometimes away from people and situations I never thought I would leave. Sometimes forgiving people and situations I never thought I would.  And sometimes by forgiving, changing the dynamics of the way I interact with people and situations from the decision point on.

When we make decisions, there are some who will feel slighted while there are others who will feel vindicated by them. Always. That’s why they are called decisions. Not politicking. Not pulling the wool over people’s eyes. Not placating people with what they want to hear.

I believe it is better to have made a decision, taken a stand, then to be known as someone who changed liked the wind and no one knew or understood who we were or what we represented. Dame Margaret Thatcher may have died as one of the controversial people of our time but no one could ever say they did not know where she stood or what she represented. A classic example of Tony Blair’s statement , “making decisions is always divisive” is none other than Dame Margaret Thatcher. Decision maker extraordinaire. May she now rest in peace.

Tapping into our playful side

Tapping into our playful side was what I woke up with this morning. Giving ourselves the time to be silly. To allow the child buried within us to emerge every once on a while to shake things up. To give our inner child the space to burst free.

What does this mean I thought? How do we embrace our inner child and set her free? I thought about it for a moment then I let it go. Trying not too hard to dwell on it or to take myself too seriously. I then meditated and still I felt I had no answer to my questions. So I decided to just write to see where my writing would take me. To explore this thought in my head.

And then as I started to write, it hit me. Our inner child needs to be let out every once in a while in a fresh and spirited way in order to allow our whole being to be free. Our inner child is that little person hiding in the recesses of our brain who allows us to experience spontaneity, carefreeness and no boundaries.

It is the presence inside us that takes us through our various growth stages and if we don’t allow that presence to be uninhibited, we become stifled. Stymied. Unfulfilled.  Forcing us to take ourselves too seriously. Start missing out on the little things in life that bring us the most joy. Because we have no time to just be in the moment.

I think back over my childhood and I remember those days when the days felt so long,. When the world felt so full of possibility. When I felt so full of possibility. When I used to roam the hills from sun up to sun down. Without a care in the world. When everything felt so large. And there was more than enough for all of us to share.

That’s the playful side that is bursting at the seams to come out to play. That aspect of me that wants to laugh my biggest laugh. That aspect of me that wants to dance until I can’t dance anymore. That aspect of me that wants to explore until I have explored all I can.  That aspect of me that is not afraid to be. Not inhibited by anything. That still believes in magic, fairy tales and make believe.

And then I knew I was being told there is nothing wrong with embracing my inner child. In letting her out not just when she is sad and lonely and reliving her periods of abandonment and confinement. No she must be allowed out when she can dance across the room on her tippy toes. When she can run through the grass barefoot and free. When she can smell the roses and lie on her back looking up at the clouds and seeing images in them. When she can play and play and play. And laugh and laugh.

Just the thought makes my heart sing. My soul vibrate. My spirit soar. So I intend to listen to my inner voice today. And I will tap into my playful side as much as I can. Whenever it feels right. Without thinking too much. Without trying to frame her. Without trying to suppress her.  And that way I will experience more unbounded and unconditional joy.

Because I will allow myself to be fully present in the moment. Not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. Just being in the moment. Allowing in the abundance, gifts and treasures of the Universe with such gratitude that my playful side will have no choice but to emerge. I'm smiling already and feeling like I can take on anything that comes my way today because I am so full of joy, peace and love. And laughter. In my present moment living place with love.

Try it you might like it as well. Here’s to a playful and joyful day. Namaste.

Thy will be done

I overslept this morning because jet leg is finally catching up with me. The first few nights I had only slept for about 3 to 4 hours. Now my body is telling me it needs more than that. It needs to more sleep time to catch up. So I went to bed last night at 9.30 thinking I would wake up fresh and ready to go this morning.

Not so. When my alarm went off, I could barely reach it to shut it off because I was so tired. And when I did shut it off, I must have drifted back into a deep sleep. But was later awoken by these words, “We cannot allow circumstances to control us. We need to control the way we respond to circumstances. “

The words came to me like a bright light this morning. I sat up in a daze. Thinking am I awake or am I still dreaming? Rubbing my eyes so I could look at the clock. When I saw the time, at first I was in a really bad mood. Panicky mood. Thinking because I was late the whole day was going to be late. That we would leave the house late. That it would take me too long to write my blog because I would be panicking about what to write rather than just writing it.

And then I took a deep break and told myself, it is what it is. Allowing the circumstances of the situation to sink into my being. It was then that I realized I was being given a message from the Universe. That I was being guided by my angels or my guides to tell me that I am in charge of the way I feel, think and react. I am the one who can change the way I react to circumstances.

Knowing it was this message that forced me out of my sleep. Helped me to see I had overslept by about half an hour. Taking me through the stages of accepting where I found myself. First I was panicky because I thought I had sabotaged my  morning routine of waking up to meditate then writing my blog by oversleeping. I like the silence of the morning. The time when I have no one asking me for anything. No one making demands on me. No one to listen to but myself and my thoughts. And it is at this time of the day that I like to set my intention for the day. I thought none of this was going to happen.

But then the words came back and I let them come back. Allowing them to penetrate my whole being and then I knew. I knew I was meant to oversleep this morning because my body, mind and soul needed it. That my whole being was exhausted and my guides had given me that extra half hour just to catch up. And they had sent me the message, “we cannot allow circumstance to control us. We need to control the way we respond to circumstances,” as my alarm, my wake up call, to remind me when I start to panic or react, it is up to me to shift my response. It is up to me to set my intention. It is up to me to be the way I want.

Immediately I felt better about where I was and why I was late. Allowing me to inhale deeply and exhale. Releasing my panic. My concerns. My worries. And then I said to the Universe, “I am grateful I woke up this morning regardless of how late it is. And more importantly I accept thy will be done. Amen.”

I got up with a smile on my face. Pep in my step because I had accepted I was where I was meant to be. I sat down at my computer, put on my meditation music and meditated then I wrote my blog. Feeling at peace and at ease.

Accepting my angels and guides are definitely showing me the way today. And for them and my ability to let go, I am truly grateful. Because I have seen first hand this morning that we cannot allow circumstance to control us. We need to control the way we respond to circumstances. This is the only way we can feel at peace with ourselves. The only way we have the ability to create the best outcome for ourselves. And for this lesson and wake up call this morning I am truly grateful. Amen.

In honour of the victims of the Boston marathon tragedy

Sadness abounds this morning after the senseless act of terrorism at the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday. Imagine the feelings of euphoria those who had just completed the arduous marathon must have felt when they crossed the finish line only to have that feeling ripped away from them by a coward or cowards who decided to plant bombs.

 Innocent people who had probably trained for quite some time to be fit enough to even attempt the race. Innocent people who stood on the sidelines to cheer on people who entered the race. Fathers. Mothers. Brothers. Sisters. Children. Friends. Grandparents. Husbands. Wives. Lovers. The list is endless of the competitors and spectators and stores that were destroyed by a faceless and nameless threat.

I could not watch any of it last night because I was in a state of shock. And I did not want to go to bed with the news on my mind. Fresh on my mind. I called a friend who lives in Boston to make sure he was okay because I was worried he may have run in the marathon. Thankfully for him, he had not competed. But he had seen the explosions and said it was horrible. I could only imagine the pandemonium that ensued.

I then called another friend to make sure she was okay. Thankfully, she was safe as well. She told me when the news broke a lot of people from her job left early. Just got out of the city and went home to make sure they weren't stuck in the city. Many of them in a state of shock.

Saying a silent prayer to the Universe for all those who had been injured, killed or had to witness the horrifying act. For the survivors and relatives of the killed and injured. Saying a silent prayer for mankind to know we have people that are capable of causing such mass destruction on what was meant to be a day of celebration for people.

Thinking this morning when I woke up about all those people. Thinking about the city of Boston. Thinking about us as humans. Many of us saying it’s not safe to go anywhere. Many of us starting to fear again. Panic starting to rise inside me. Breathe I told myself.

And then I closed my eyes and went to that place of silence. That place of stillness. Realising the one thing we cannot do is to stop doing what we do. To stop going places is not the answer. We cannot live in fear. We cannot stop living. That’s what the perpetrators want. They want to make us fear our right of freedom. Our freedom of choice.

To the victims and families of the Boston tragedy, I send love and light and prayers. To our Universe and to the perpetrator(s) of this tragedy I send love and light and prayers. This is a tragedy that need not have occurred but it did and now we must try to shift our consciousness away from the gory details to a period of healing and reconciliation.

And to honour all those who have been hurt, killed, both mentally and physically, we have to live our lives as fully as we can. As truthfully as we can. With grace and gratitude because we never know from one moment to the next how quickly our lives can change. And as my calendar today says, what each of us needs to say to ourselves every single day is, “I love life! I am so glad to be alive!” And really mean it. Amen.

Back to work with gratitude, love and light

Today I go back to work after being away for two weeks. Today I go back to work and it is Monday. I could feel bah humbug about it but I don’t and I won’t. Sure thoughts are going through my mind about: why I have to go back to work. Why do my children have to go back to school? Why does my husband have to be separated from us for the day? Why do we have to be separated from each other for the day when we have spent the last two weeks as a family? Bonding in ways unseen and unexpected.

I could let the negative thoughts being pushed forth by my ego spoil the magic of my vacation. I could let my new beginning start off with pessimism. But I won’t. Instead I will let those thoughts run through my head and not dismiss them. I will hear them. Listen to them. Let them run through me. Then I will bless them and let them go.

Because here’s what I know for sure.  Life goes on. There is a time for togetherness as there is a time for separation. A time for us to be individuals as there is a time for us to be joined together at the hip. But when we recognize that we are never truly apart, we cannot be sad when we are. If we were together all the time, we would not appreciate our togetherness and we would not give ourselves time to grow as individuals to be stronger when we unite again.

My family just spent the most glorious two weeks together. Just the four of us in our family bubble. Learning about each other again. Seeing how we differ. How we connect. How we are growing and changing each and every second of the day.

And now it is time for us to come out of our bubble. Out of our cocoon and stretch our wings again. Open them so we can fly after recharging in two of the most beautiful places in the world. Now it is time for us to take the experiences we have been gifted with and shine our individual love and light onto those who cross our paths as we move about our day today.

 I could be really sad that I  have to leave my family today and to be honest,  I am but I am also grateful that I feel such love for my family that I will miss them today. Miss them a lot but I know in order for us to grow, to know who we are, to be who we are, we each have to live our individual lives. Learn our individual lessons. Teach our individual lessons in order for our family unit to continue to grow, love,  and respect each other.

I am so grateful we had the opportunity to spend two glorious weeks together in places far from where we are. I am more than grateful to return full of gratitude, love, light and life and ready to take on the challenge of the now.

Today I go back to work and it is Monday. I don’t have the blues. I have joy in my heart. Gratitude in my soul. Love in my spirit for the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe I know I am worthy of receiving and accepting. For the gifts, treasure and abundance I have received and for the gifts, treasure and abundance I will continue to receive and accept.

Here’s to the now with gratitude, love and light. And the next stage of my growth and journey. As well as my family's. Namaste.

Our Long Journey back home

This morning we begin our long journey home. Thousands of miles to get back to our own space. Thousands of miles and lots of hours to shift our minds from vacation mode back to reality. Causing me to reflect on our journey. To feel the process of separation from the idyllic lifestyle we have experienced over the last two weeks. The longest vacation I have ever taken in my work career. And am I ever glad I took this time for myself with my family.
It's amazing how perspective changes when we are driving to a place than when we are driving away from it. On our drive up to Sedona it seemed like we were driving through desert scenery after desert scenery. Anticipation mounting as to when we were going to see the Red Rocks Sedona is so known for. Pure joy when we finally caught sight of them.
However yesterday when we were leaving Sedona, we tried really hard to hold on to the red rock scenery for as long as we could. Tried to hold on to the image of the rocks for as long as we could. Holding onto the feeling we felt in Sedona. The peace. The love. The fulfilment and nourishment.
And then when the rocks were behind us, unlike when my husband and I left them some 15 years before, the feeling of fulfilment and the sense of gratitude and abundance remained with us even when we could no longer see them. The feelings remained with us for the whole drive. This time because we savoured the feel of Sedona the whole time we were there. Not taking any moment for granted. Not being sceptical about anything that came our way. Embracing all that was meant for us to experience and fully enjoying the experience. This time we were filled to the brim. Satiating our every need and beyond.
Leaving Sedona for all of us was bittersweet. A week full of fun and discovery. A week full of family togetherness and sharing. A week of pure and undeniable energy pouring into us. Both of our children saying they will really miss Sedona. The range of activities available to them. To all of us. The feel they felt there which they can't really articulate. But I understand. The feeling is not something that can be explained or expressed because it is so unique. So individual. My husband commenting that he so enjoyed himself in Sedona that he did not feel any regret about leaving. The feeling to remain in his heart forever as is the case for all of us. Leaving me feeling very happy that my family was happy.
Worried about what was ahead of me on my return because the last two weeks had been so idyllic. Looking up as we left Sedona and seeing a lone raven flying above us as if bidding us adieu, I relaxed knowing the Universe was shining down on us. And as I got that, the raven disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Leaving me grounded in the present moment. Not worrying about what was to come but savouring the journey ahead of us.
Allowing us all to see the beauty of the scenery that we were looking beyond on our drive up because we were too busy waiting to glimpse Sedona. But now that we were full with all Sedona could give us and all that we could experience, the scenery had changed from desert scenery in our minds to a beautiful and rolling scenery. Cacti that looked like it could get up and walk along side us. Rolling hills. A sense of space. A sense of openness.
As we got closer and closer to city with the sun shifting behind us casting a radiant light as if Arizona was sending us away with love and light. Filling us with possibility, I knew this trip was given to us as a gift. A gift for us to explore what we needed as individuals to grow, to expand, to see the more, and to accept we are where we are meant to be.
Recognising sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zones in order to embrace the new as we did on this trip as a family. Today we will travel thousands of miles back home. Far away from our escape. A good thing as it give us time to transition back to reality. To savour our family vacation. To savour us. To appreciate all that we are. All that we have been exposed to. And all that is to come.
In gratitude for our journey to our escape and for our journey back to reality.

The magical weave of the flute by Wolfs Robe

Last night my family had the privilege of attending a flute concert by Wolfs Robe, A Native American from the Shawnee tribe. Not only were we moved by his music but we were also moved by the history lesson Wolfs weaved through his music. Educating us about the importance of the flute to the Native American tribes.
A flute educator and maker himself, Wolfs explained how each flutes was made and could be traced to the person who made them based on its length which was the length of the maker's arm. And each one is specific to the individual maker based on the size of his hands and fingers. Sending us on a wonderful trip through nature and time with each flute he played. Placating us. Soothing us.
He then showed us the modern day flute which is ironically called the Native American concert flute. But he told us this flute has nothing to do with the Native Americans at all. And when he played it, the sound was not as sweet nor as soul stirring as the traditional Native American flute. Explaining to us that it is because the flute was mass produced rather than individually crafted therefore it lacked the soul of the individual flutes. Modern day flutes are produced to appeal to the masses. Whereas the traditional flute is made on an individual basis and therefore incorporates the soul of its maker. And carries his passion. Which can never be mass produced.
He also told us the modern day flute was designed based on traditional flutes that were confiscated during the European invasion. The Europeans took them because they believed the flutes were used for ceremony. So they believed there were along the lines of sorcery and because they wanted to "tame" the Native Americans, they took the one thing they thought would break their spirits.
He also explained the flute for a time lost its place within the Native American tribes because no one wanted to see the peaceful side of them. Most people when they think of Native Americans think of them in their war paint, drums and war clothing and that's what they want to see when they see them. War and violence rather than the sweet and gentle side of the flute. He says as a result the flute only made it resurgence in the 1960s during the hippy peace and love movement.
He explained during the first European invasion, thousands of flutes were confiscated but now only about 35 of them remain in the Smithsonian Institute. He says he is asked all the time whether he is angry about what happened. To which he responds, "I could look at the situation as the glass is half empty or half full and I choose to look at it as half full and to be grateful for there being 35 ancient flutes still left. I could hold that anger but did any of you in the audience steal the flutes so who would I be angry with? The people that stole from us and tried to break our spirits are all dead so why would I waste my time being angry with history when I can't change it. I am just grateful the 35 flutes are there for us to see."
I felt a chill go up and down my spine when he said this because his words of wisdom resonated with me profoundly. I was looking at a man whose ancestors used to roam the American continent as free people. People who lived off the land and respected the land. The flutes that were confiscated were designed to become one with the wildlife,  mostly birds, of the places where they lived. They were designed as instruments of nature such that when the maker closed his eyes and played his instrument it would be like he was out in nature, meandering through the woods with nothing but its sounds bringing him joy. And that connection to nature and to the soul was taken away from his ancestors first by the invasion and then by the missionaries when they came along and tried to convert the Natives  to Christianity.
But yet he has forgiveness in his heart for what had been done to his people and instead of reacting in an angry way, he has turned these sad periods in his ancestral history into an opportunity to educate people about the importance of the flute to his people and the part it has played in their history. And he does it by playing a tune from each different type of flute. Lulling his audience in unsuspectingly and then once he has them enraptured, he brings the audience back to reality by telling the history of each flute.
I believe Wolfs does well because he expresses gratitude for all he has and all that has happened. Respecting there is nothing that can be done to rewrite the pages of history but hopefully by educating people in a non threatening way, he can prevent a similar atrocity from reoccurring in the future.
Music is the universal language that soothes the soul. Drawing us in. Transporting us back to a place and time when ceremony was the way we connected. When we roamed freely before structure came and imprisoned us. Reminding us on a deep soul level about where we came from. When we were at one with nature.
Imagine an instrument that became most used by the Native American males in the 15th and 16th centuries to court the women of their dreams becoming such an instrument of scorn and hate by those who did not understand that man, love, and nature are one in the same? An instrument fashioned out of nature and its sounds to transport us back to the place of love, of beginning, of connection becoming one viewed by the non Natives as one of contempt or hate. Such a dark and destructive period in mankind's history that is now being turned into a forum for healing.
Wolf has learned to appeal to our souls and draw us in with gratitude, forgiveness, love and light allowing each person that attends his concerts to understand that if we want to be successful with anything in life we must first come from a place of forgiveness, gratitude and love. Only then will we be able to draw people in. Only then will be able to educate and promote Universal love. Only then will we have peace in this world. Because we will remember we were born of love and of light. And wherever there is music, there is joy.
I feel privileged to have been in the presence of a man who promotes such a powerful message through the Universal language of music. His website aptly states, "Our Native culture is like a delicate weaving, with each strand representing a part of our world. The flute is just one of those strands. If you cut one strand, over time you will lose the entire weaving, so I strove to keep this part of our Native culture alive, evolving and intact. I wish to share it with the world."
If you would like to learn more about Wolfs Robe and what he does, you may visit his website www.akaflutemanent.com.  

A Soul Awakening Family Vortex and Medicine Wheel Journey with Akal

Each one of us is journeying to and for the Source. Each one of us is searching to and for the Source. Each one of us has a seperate road to take. Each leading back to the whole of which we are connected.

But the journey for each of us is as distinct as our fingerprints. No two paths the same. No two journeys the same. Our paths may intersect. Criscross. But they are always unique to each one of us.

This fact was proven yesterday as my family embarked on a vortex journey with Akal from Sedona Red Rocks Tours. A man of the soil. Of the spirit. Gentle and powerful at the same time. A voice that pulls you in from the moment go. Not too overbearing but commanding at the same time. His presence all encompassing.

We all boarded the same vehicle. Set out in the same direction. But at each vortex, the message that came to each one of us was seperate and distinct according to what we needed. Even though we stood side by side, each experience, each lesson was designed for each one of us individually. Seperately but comingled with the Universal Oneness. Making our individual journeys that much stronger. Heartfelt. Shared.

The first vortex resonated the most with me. Perched high on a hill in a most unexpected form was a structure designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. So the lines were clean and linear. Tall and somewhat imposing but built on top of the rock. It was built as a cross between Christianity and Spirituality on Hopi Sacred Ground. Now called The Church of the Holy Cross.

Walking into the church with soft music playing, I was immediately drawn to one side of the church. Feeling the presence of Spirit more there than on the other side. So I sat and closed my eyes and gave thanks to the Universe. And there before me, appeared a feminine spirit with long black hair, hands outstretched. And before I could say a word, her image disappeared. But I could still feel her presence as my whole being tingled from head to toe. Knowing she was welcoming me back.

As we walked out the door, I could feel her stronger within me. Making it difficult for me to leave. But I did. Walked out to face the world again. Hearing the chanting of the Hopi who return to their sacred land.

The next vortex was Rachel's Knoll. Closed to the public some years before because the land had been sold to make a private golf course after Rachel died. But her son fought to make the Medicine Wheel area public again as that was the sitpulation of the sale. And after many years, he won the battle so the site is once again open to the public.

The site majestic. High up overlooking the Boynton Canyon and the Twin Buttes. My husband feeling the vibrations much stonger than any of us. Making me realise this journey, though iniatiated by me, was more his than mine. So I took a step back. Allowing him to fully experience his journey. To fully experience his emotions. To begin his awakening as I did mine some 15 years before.

This time the journey was his. Our children witnessing their father renewing his soul. Reconnecting with spirit. Awakening to all that he is. Our son by his dad's side for most of his journey. Though our son was not saying much. Lending his support just by being there. Without judgement. Aiding his dad with his presence. Standing at the edge of the mesas high above the ground with his father. Guarding him with his presence as ravens flew overhead in the clear blue sky. Without fear.

My daughter and I taking a back seat. Sitting back further from the edge. But closer than I would have otherwise dared because of my fear of heights and her fear of falling. Recognising together that it was our males' time so we let them be.

Without fear, our son stayed with his father silently guiding him through his rite of passage as was he experiencing, without realising, a soul awakening of his own. In his own way. I was so proud of my family. Proud of our togetherness in such sacred spaces. Proud of us knowing when to step back for one another. So the one who stood to benefit the most from the vortex could and would. And did.

And then we went to our final vortex, The Sacred Buddhist Stupas of Kunzang Palyul Choling. This site resonating with us all. Walking clockwise around the towering 36 foot Amitabha Stupa. Saying prayers silently. My husband and I stopping halfway as we faced the Buddha against the backdrop of one of the Vortex. Culminating in a medicine wheel ceremony. Where our daughter danced to the beat of the drum, the shaking of rattles and the lull of Akal's Native American style chant. Each one of us being moved in a way that allowed our spirits to soar.

I faced west taking in the strength of the third eye. Our son drummed. My husband reflecting while Akal sang chanted and drummed for us. Bringing our journeys back to the whole. Back to the centre. Strengthening us by allowing us to explore our inner most selves as individuals. Only to join at the end.

Ending this ritual as we walked back down from our Medicine Wheel ceremony on a different path that took us past the smaller Tara Stupa. Winding our way back down to civilization. Our hearts, minds and souls full of all that is, will be and was.

Powerful beyond words on a picture perfect Sedona afternoon. Clear blue skies. Scattered to no clouds. Ideal temperature. The wind only picking up as we meditated letting us hear its strength. Ravens flying overhead. The silence loud enough for us to hear. Opening us to the Universe. To its abundance, gifts and treasures as individuals joined together as a family under the guidance of Spirit through the hand of Akal. Uniting us. Liberating us.

What a wonderful way to spend a family day. Full of reverance, ritual and worship. Beginning with the Christian/Spiritual Temple ending with the Buddhist Stupa. Showing my family regardless of what our religions, creeds, races or backgrounds may be, we are all looking for the way back to the One Source. To find meaning in our lives. To live meaningful lives. To matter. To have mattered. To love. To have loved.

And being out in nature. Surrounded by Spirit. Embraced by the light and love of the Universe. Showed me just how there is a natural balance to life when we remember we are journeying always. And if we remember to give thanks for all we receive, the Source will always find us no matter where we are. Namaste.

For more information of Sedona Red Rock Tours, visit www.sedonaredrocktours.com or email them sedonaredrocktours@gmail.com. Phone (928) 282-0993.

The Enchantment enchanting us once again

Yesterday my husband and I took a trip down memory lane. We went back to the place where we came 15 years ago when we fell in love with Sedona - The Enchantment. Enchanting us once again.
This time we did not go as a couple but as a family.
Taking our two children with us so they could share in our nostalgia. Showing them the place where we decided there was more to life than the life we were living at the time. The place where we were awakened to the all. Allowing us to make major decisions in our lives setting the stage for them to come into our lives. Neither one of us could have anticipated the magnitude of the feelings we experienced going back to where we made those major decisions all those years before.
The drive to The Enchantment was very different to the drive we took 15 years ago. Landmarks had changed. The town had expanded and there were more people and cars than when we were originally here. There were certain landmarks that had remained the same - The Heartline Cafe to be specific but was now surrounded by so much more stuff.
As we turned into Boynton Canyon, the mesas coming into full view, the memories of where we had been before came flooding back to the forefront. The scenery seemingly calling our names. Welcoming us back home to our first major awakening. I knew we were close to the entrance because I felt that familiar feeling of being on sacred ground - the golf course was built on a native American burial ground and I could feel the presence as I did 15 years ago of the wise ones who had been buried there. Sending out peace and blessings to the ancestors who helped pave the way for the rest of us as we crossed the line.
We parked in the parking lot and decided to walk around the resort. Going through the romantic arch of vines and fairy lights almost as if we were walking into fairy tale. Stepping out of reality and into that make believe world of yesteryear. Crossing over into Enchanted land where dreams come true. Fairies roam. A place where possibility abounds. Enrapturing us. Enlightening us. Our children marvelling at the way their parents used to travel.
We then decided to have a look at the restaurant where we spent our first night all those years before looking romantically into each other's eyes. The restaurant's name had changed but the location was still the same. The memories still remained the same. Of where we sat. Talking about the future. Deciding to become parents. As we stood on the threshold of the restaurant, time felt like it stood still. Like we were here the day before. But as I looked at our 14 year old son, as tall as I am, voice cracking and our 9 year old,blossoming before our eyes, I saw through them just how much time had really passed by.
Blinking I could see my husband and I as that couple with stars in our eyes about where we were going and what was coming next. Only to blink again, seeing us expanded as a family. The four of us. The dynamics completely changed but better. Some 15 years later.
Seeing just how much we can't take time for granted. That even if we decide to stand still and wait for life, it will not wait for us. It just keeps moving.  Seeing through our children's growth that time waits for no one and we have to take advantage of every single second we have. Just like that 15 years gone by. There is nothing like seeing time than through the growth of children.
We felt so comfortable at the Enchantment that we decided to stay. It was like coming home. We decided on lunch at the more casual Tii Gavo Restaurant with  panoramic views of the Boynton Canyon. Birds of prey flying between the rocks. Our children finding a chess table. Settling down to a game of chess while my husband and I stood outside talking about life, looking at the Canyon. Hugging each other. Still with stars in our eyes. Still talking about our future. Against the staggeringly breathtaking Boynton Canyon.
And then we were shown to our table with views that were astounding beyond belief.  A perfect setting to watch the natural light show on the Canyon. Every second the light on the rocks changing showing us different images. Different shadows. Different meanings.
A large Native American image coming out of the rocks facing us, looking like he was seated guarding his Native home. To his extreme left, an image of a totem pole at the end of the Canyon. And in between them, faces of more ancestors looking out over the Canyon. Casting a spell over the Canyon. Mystical, mysterious and magical.
Even better than this beautiful experience was the fact that the day had been dull. The sun light seemingly obscured by the clouds. Yet the rocks were lit up constantly. Every time we looked at the rocks, they had light on them. And the light seemed to dance from one mesa to the next. Giving each section the spotlight for a time. Allowing each one it's time to shine. Giving each one the glow it needed to stand out in its time.
The whole experience so mesmerising, we didn't even attempt to photograph it. We knew there is  nothing that could recreate the images we were seeing. Each image personal to each one of us. Revealing  only what we were capable of seeing and believing. Only what resonated with our souls.
Making me realise, we are shown whatever we are capable of seeing. What we are meant to see. The light is constantly there even on our darkest days. Sometimes it's just not for us to see. It's for those that need it most. Those whose turn it is to shine as the light shone on different parts of the rocks. Lighting each one at a time as it does for each one of us. When the time is right. Only when the time is right.
And then to top of our magical day, last night my husband and I toasted each other for all that we have been through. My husband telling me he thoroughly enjoyed our vow renewal in Kauai because it was actually pleasurable to do. Both of us marvelling at the water that has travelled under the bridge for us since we were last here 15 years before. Marvelling at the love we share, the family we have created, the journey we are sharing. Embraced by the light always as long as we believe as the lights in Boynton Canyon at The Enchantment showed us in a very big way.
In gratitude to the Universe for us, for our abundance, for the choices we make every day. For the Enchantment in Sedona enchanting us once again some 15 years later, a couple now a family of four. Growing. Journeying. And ever grateful. Namaste.

Hope is the only thing greater than fear

A cold and windy day in Sedona yesterday. Completely different from the day before when we were basking in the sun but that's desert life for you - unpredictable and no two days the same. Teaching those that live in the desert to always be prepared for the unexpected. To just go with the flow.
My son and husband went out first thing in the morning for a mountain bike ride through the vortex. Father and son out in the elements. Testing each other against the elements. Riding together amidst the energy. Bonding in a manly way as our son is beginning to test the waters of manhood. A great way to get our fourteen year old out in nature with his dad.
My daughter and I relaxing together. Her resting. Me doing all the stuff I needed to do. Each of us doing what we needed.
As time wore on, the weather deteriorated slowly but surely. Wind picking up quickly. Strong. Gales. Sun hidden behind heavy and dark clouds. Cold bitter winds. Temperatures plummeting to the 40s from the high 70s the day before. A day to stay indoors and relax.
By the time my husband and son returned flushed with the outdoors and a feeling of euphoria from making it through the challenge of the elements, we were all famished and ready to eat. So we decided to go into the town of Sedona to explore. Not realising just how much the drop in temperature would chill us to the bone.
The town very different from the one my husband and I remembered when we were here 15 years before. More built up. More sanitised. More trendy than we remembered it. But we both liked the feel. The energy different in the town than it was out on the vortex but inviting just the same despite the cold.
We found the Taos restaurant. A Mexican restaurant our son had read about and wanted to try so we did. Great food. Great service. Great family conversation. After eating, we dared to brave the cold and rain to explore some of the town. The rocks providing a dramatic backdrop to the town. The light somehow still finding its way to the tops of the rocks.Lighting them that little bit to add a glow.
When the rain came down harder and the wind howled that much more, we took shelter in a little museum that told us about how the town Sedona got its name. Confirming the story the school teachers told us nights before. We then decided the weather was telling us it was a good day to vegetate. To do nothing but snuggle indoors and watch movies we had rented.
When we drove back to our complex, we were staggered to realise we are actually staying in the condo directly across the street from the original stone hotel where the original Sedona and her husband lived many years before. As if beckoning our Sedona to take up where the original Sedona left off. Our daughter proud but somewhat unnerved by it all.
We came into the condo digesting all the signs of the Universe. All the evidence that our lives are in major transition. Each of us being touched in different ways by this special trip. We came in to relax. To just be. Our son choosing The Hunger Games for us to watch. A book series I had resisted getting for him years before because I thought it sounded too violent. Too exploitive of children. But he eventually asked us for it. After having read just about every age appropriate books. And not wanting to discourage him from reading, I relented and got the series for him. So when he chose the movie I was less than enthusiastic about watching it because I did not like the premise. But decided to watch it as our family was looking to do something together.
Cynically I sat down to watch the movie, not expecting to like it at all. But was enraptured from almost the beginning when President Snow said, "The only thing greater than fear is hope." And then I knew why I was compelled to watch this movie. A direct message from the Universe.
Taking me back to the words famously spoken by Churchill, "the only thing to fear is fear itself." When we have hope, fear becomes secondary. Fear takes a back seat to hope because hope allows us to see beyond our fears. It gives us that glimmer of what lies ahead for us. It takes us out of our present circumstances for that split second and allows us to understand whatever we are facing, it too shall pass.
When we have something worth living for, fighting for, believing in, and worth reaching for, we allow hope in. Making way for us to move beyond our fears and on to what we must do to get to the next stage of our lives. The Hunger Games may have been about the exploitation of children but it is more about hope. The main character in the film had made a promise to her little sister that she would come back to her and that was what kept her going. What allowed her to rise above her fears and limitations, what gave her the strength to beat the odds.
A lesson for us all, in order to move beyond our fears, we must hold on to hope because it is the bridge to faith allowing us to know all will be well. Remembering always the only thing greater than fear is hope. One of the most powerful tools we can ever have in this world built upon fear which ultimately is designed to keep us away from our dreams.
In gratitude to a rainy cold day in Sedona for allowing me to hear the message, never to give up hope.

Sedona welcomes us with open arms and lots of energy

Sunday our first full day in magical Sedona. Talk about feast or famine. From one extreme to the other in less than two days. We have managed to go from the wettest place on Earth - the interior rain forest in Kauai with 450 inches of rain per year to the desert Sedona with about 13 inches of rain per year.
Topography that went from lush and green full of flowers to topography full of cacti and shrubbery. But the one thing both these places have in common is the energy. As soon as we drove into Sedona and hit the vortex my husband and I looked at each other and said did you feel that? Immediately my ears felt like they were clogged. My body tingled. My husband felt giddy. Surprising us both because when we were here 15 years ago, we were not aware of the energy until we were driving away.
This time the enegy hit us as soon as we drove in. We are not sure if it is because we were already atuned to the vortex because of our Kauai experience. Because we had already been opened to the energy centres there. There was no doubt about the effect of the energy on us this time. No denying it. No getting around it. It was like every fiber, every cell, every atom in our bodies had suddenly been awakened. Charged. Set on fire.
Driving in was magical. We had gone from desert scenery. Not much changing and then there they were - magestic red rocks. Like the scenery had just been painted and was bursting with life. Colour. Bright red. Reminding me of the blood flowing through my veins. That which keeps us alive. Pulsating. Invigorating. Fuelling us.
Seeing the red rocks, the sun hitting the rocks at different angles casting varying light and shadows over the rocks. Sometimes the rocks looked bright red like they were on fire. Other times orange like the sun. And then when they were in the shadows they even looked green. The light and hues changing as the light shifted. Sometimes showing faces. Lots of guardians looking over the valley and all those who entered. And I could feel the stories of days gone by coming out of the rocks. Like they were reaching out for me. Inviting me back in. Inviting us back in.
Our children were sniggling at us in the back of the car. Joking with each other about the energy they were not feeling. Making fun of their kooky parents who think rocks give people energy. And we understood their doubt. Their lack of belief because we were very much like them 15 years ago. Energy flows where energy goes. We are what we believe and think.
Their awareness of the energy that connects us is not mature yet. They have not grown into the interconectedness of the us all yet. So we just let them laugh at us and told them in time they will understand. We want to let them be the children they are without trying to change their beliefs through words. Rather by helping them through our actions and exposing them to as much as we can so they can form their own beliefs.
Even though my husband and I had chosen to come back to Sedona to introduce our daughter to the place we had chosen to name her after, it still felt strange driving into a place where everywhere we turn is the name Sedona. Even stranger for our daughter because her name is so unusual and now to be surrounded by her own name was overwhelming for us and for her. She both loves having her name repeated over and over again and feels uncomfortable with it at the same time.
The sacredness of this place is overwhelming and invigorating. We hope our daughter can understand just how special she is by being in this sacred space. By seeing why we called her Sedona. To experience the beauty and power of her name as we did all those years before. To understand how much honour we have bestowed upon her to name her after such a geological wonder and energy mecca.
Our first day was spent playing tennis, mini golf and exploring our resort. Discovering wind sculptures that almost reduced my husband to tears. So much beautiful energy being out doors. Meeting interesting people and people who truly love what they do and where they live. Their energy refreshing, inviting, and full of love. People of like energy drawn to a place full of energy.
We then decided to go for a walk along the Bell Vortex pathway. The heat of the day easing with an afternoon breeze. As my husband and I walked along the path, we were both taken aback by the strength of the energy emanating from the vortex. While walking between two vortex,  The Bell Rock and the Courthouse, I felt the vibrations particularly strong. The sound of  silence  almost deafening. The peace unlike anything else we had experienced. It's amazing how time allows us to grow into our appreciation for nature. Our appreciation for how interconnected we all are and the need for silence. Beautiful.
We ended our evening last night by going out for an easy dinner at the restaurant in our resort. Where we laughed and had such a great time because of all the good clean fresh air we had experienced for the day. There was table of ladies sitting next to us who said they wanted what we had because we were having so much fun laughing. And as we were leaving they stopped us to talk to them.
And it turned out they were retired school teachers from Phoenix so they knew a lot about the Sedona area and told us the very resort we were staying in was where the original Sedona, the wife of the man who named this town Sedona, used to live and farm. They told us there is a stone cottage still on the property where the orginal Sedona used to live. One of the teachers also told us she taught the grandson of the original Sedona. There are no coincidences in life. None what so ever. We were met to cross paths with the retired teachers so we could learn why we had been sent to this place to stay for the week.
To show our children and to remind us that everything happens for a reason and we are always in the place we are meant to be in when we are open to the Universe to learn the reasons why.
What a wonderful start to our stay in Sedoona and we look forward to the rest of the week.

A white knuckled journey on a six seater aircraft

Okay so I have checked flying in a small six seater airplane off my bucket list now. After coming back from my serene journey with El, I met up with my husband and children to go on a small plane tour over the Island. Because I felt so at one with nature, the Universe and everything in it, I had no fear about going on the six seater aircraft. I felt on top of the world like there was nothing that could harm me or my family.
Even boarding the little prop plane did not bother me. Neither did taxiing down the runway. I felt so excited about our new adventure. That is until the flight took off and if you don't know by now I am terrified of heights. So much so that just seeing someone standing on the edge of a drop makes my toes ache and my insides churn. I never thought I would feel the heights on the six seater because flying on large airplanes I do not feel the height because of the way the airplane is shaped and because of the size of the windows.
Not the case on a six seater aircraft  The windows are large. Designed that way so everyone can have a panoramic view from wherever they sit on the aircraft. So taking off in that little prop plane felt like I was on a roller coaster ride that kept rising and rising. Bile immediately rising  in my throat as I clutched my son's seat until I thought my fingers were going to come off. Or arthritis was going to kick in. Or rigamortis whichever came first. To say I was terrified was an understatement. My body was shaking in places I didn't even know could shake.
The plane started to vibrate and pitch and careen so I couldn't help but ask the pilot, Paul, if the entire  flight was going to be like that.  To which he responded, oh it's just a little bit of turbulence in his nonchalant cavalier sort of way. Just a little bit of turbulence I wanted to scream. This stupid little plane feels like it is going to fall apart. Shudder apart I wanted to scream back at him but I didn't. Instead I clutched the seat even harder. I swear my fingers were almost white from the blood draining out of them.
As the plane rocked around, I asked Paul if I had told him I was afraid of heights. To which he responded then don't look down just look out and enjoy the scenery. Enjoy the scenery I wanted to shout back at him. Turn this damn plane around and let me out but I didn't. I nodded sweetly. Closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. But that only made matters worse. So I opened my eyes again. Trying desperately not to look out the windows at what was below us. All I wanted was for the flight to end.
To make matters worse, my daughter turned to me to say,"Mommy, I'm scared." Her eyes watery. Her face terrified. Looking at me like I could do something to help her but I couldn't. The worst nightmare for a mother because I felt like I had intentionally put my family in danger on this little prop plane that was capitulating all over the place like a little fly in the wind.
I then did the only thing I could. I told Paul I have a terrified daughter and then asked him how long we would be up? To which he responded we only just got started. I wanted to tell him to turn around so badly but I knew it was my husband's choice to be up there so I needed to swallow my fear. To suppress the bile that was threatening to violently project across the airplane and everyone in it. My husband reached back and squeezed our daughter's knee asking her if she was okay. She bravely shook her head. My son quiet not saying a word. All of us were in shock I believe.
In that instant the airplane ride smoothed out as much as a prop plane could. And I somewhat relaxed. Daring to look out the window at the scenery below. I have to admit the mountains looked menacing and enchanting at the same time from the heights we were flying. Mysterious yet inviting. Beautiful waterfalls softening otherwise harsh cliffs. We flew over the Jurassic Park waterfall, the Fantasy island waterfall, Julia Robert's home, Pierce Brosnan's home, inaccessible beaches and waterfronts.
And just as I started to get used to the motion of the aircraft, my husband asked the pilot if that was a whale over yonder. To which Paul said let's go check it out. And to my absolute horror, he put us in a commando style dip. The plane feeling like it was tipped on its side. My stomach in my throat. My fingers gripping so hard on the seat in front of me, they ached.
 I wanted to kill my husband at that point. Instead I said false alarm no whale in sight. And just as I said that I saw the tell tale spout of a whale slightly to the left of where we were. But I dared not say a word as I did not want to experience another dipping of the wings again. Too late Paul spotted it as well. And he turned the plane back, taking us closer to the water showing us the whale. My heart nearly stopping in my throat as we circled that whale closer and closer almost as if the wings could touch the water.
Despite my absolute terror and panic, I was in awe of the whale putting on a show for us. Coming up out of the water then diving back in. Showing us every marking on his body through the clear water. A peace washing over me as that whale seemed to say everything is going to be all right. That is until Paul decided to circle the area where the whale had surfaced to try to catch a glimpse of the whale again.
I told Paul the whale had gone. What I really wanted to say was, if you circle the ocean one more time I will scream but I didn't. I told him again, it's gone. And then he took off. Taking us back on our journey around the Island. Where we saw Princeville, the north end of the Island where we were staying. Even catching a glimpse of our condo. Paul  telling us Princeville is the most expensive place to buy a home in Kauai. Surprising us because it seemed so low key.
Leaving the coastline and the light, Paul flew us through dark clouds and into what he deemed to be his favourite part of the flight - the rainforest. The interior of the Island only seen from above. Inaccessible by land. The place where it is fabled the original Hawaiians, the Menehunes, still live. Beautiful green rugged terrain interspersed with waterfalls. Flying us over the wettest spot in the world. Said to get about 450 inches of rain per year was an unforgettable experience. A true rain forest. Lush inaccessible greenery. Setting my imagination on fire about what could possibly be living in that interior yet to be discovered by man. And quite possibly never to be discovered by man.
And then when we were getting into the rhythm again, we came in for the landing. The wheels touching the ground like a little tinker toy. I have never experienced such relief in my life as I did when those wheels touched the ground. I peeled my fingers off the back of my son's seat. Adjusted my legs to being on the ground again. Telling them not to wobble so much . The thrill was over. I thanked the Universe, the Divine, and every other Higher Power I could think of for getting us safely back on the ground.
So how can I describe our adventure in the six seater airplane? I think my husband summed it up best, exhilarating  Both the most exciting and the most terrifying experience all wrapped up in one. An experience I'm glad to have had but not one I care to do again any time soon. It's now safely and proudly checked off the bucket list now. Been there done that,  no need to do it again, sort of experience.
But for those daredevils who love a bit of adventure, if you ever want to see the whole of Kauai, the six seater is the only and best way to do it. And Paul truly is a good pilot. Just not my cup of tea.