Words matter - Giving our girls the space to be the women they are meant to be

Saturday, March 8 marked the celebration of International Women’s Day and I had the privilege of reading lots of interesting articles about changing how we label our girls from being called bossy to being revered for showing signs of having leadership skills. How we should not dampen down our girls’ ability to lead and how we should not try to make them feel bad for having natural leadership skills. To encourage them to be who they are even when there are some who feel threatened by their natural ability to lead.

And I thought about my life and how I came into leadership at a very young age. I thought my leadership skills came when my mother died when I was 13 but I realize the ability to lead was something that was innate in me because of the surroundings I came from. The upbringing I had. The people I saw on my television screen. All these events and people were shaping my future without me even realizing they were.

I owe a lot of my “je ne sais quoi” to the place I grew up in – Bermuda – where women were making headlines. And fortunately they were women who looked like me – a brown girl with an eagerness to lead and not really knowing I had that knowingness at the time. And to those women who did not turn their backs on me. Who saw something in me that I did not see but encouraged me to bring her to the forefront. Bring me to me.

I used to watch the news and saw this woman called Lois Browne- Evans become a lawyer and become the first leader of the Opposition Party – a woman in the 1970s at that level for me to see during my formative years made me believe there was nothing that could stop me from being the leader I wanted to be either. It did not seem impossible for me to reach that status and neither did it seem unusual to me. I just had in my mind that women like me could be anything we wanted to be if she was the leader of the Opposition party and a lawyer and she was black. Which was not a big deal either because I grew up in predominantly black Bermuda – where I was the majority rather than the minority.

Then my mother died when I was 13 and while all my friends were busy trying to decide what  they were going to do after school and on the weekends, I was busy trying to figure out how to manage a household, do my school work and take care of my family because I was suddenly the head of my family. The one who held everyone together. The only woman, but still a girl, left amongst 4 men. Becoming a multitasking leader from the demands of life. Thrust upon me without even knowing I could or had those skills. Teaching me I can do anything even when I think I can’t as long as I believe I can.

And though there were those who said I would be a failure, what they didn’t realize was that life was preparing me to lead. Preparing me to stand on my own in many uncomfortable circumstances. Preparing me for people who would stab me in the back while smiling in my face. Preparing me to walk many roads alone and know that if I kept walking no matter how dark it seemed or how lost I felt, as long as I kept going, I would be rewarded. So I kept going. Closing my ears to those who disparaged me. Shut my eyes to those who taunted me. Blocked out the words of those who wanted me to fail.

Quite strangely I realized the more these people talked about me and expected less from me, the more I did what I had to do because no eyes were on me to succeed so I learnt to be that silent warrior who did not yell and scream and shout but the one who saw avenues that no one else saw or were too afraid to take because they were out of the ordinary. I also had along the way some very influential teachers, friends, relatives who saw something in me that was worth grooming and stood by me.

Because what I learnt after my mother’s death was that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. That no one lasts forever not even me. That if I want something from life I have to go for it even when others tell me it is not possible. Sure as I have grown older, I have become more reserved in what I go for but what I want my daughter and my son to know is that this life is theirs and theirs alone and there will be people along the way who will try to label them, take from them and make them feel inferior but in no way can those people do that to them unless they allow them to regardless of who those people may be. These naysayers and dream stealers may come in the form of teachers, relatives and friends and they can come in the form of people they least expect to hurt them.

So what I am teaching both my daughter and son by example is no matter how someone wants to label them or take from them, they have the ability to be whomever they want as long as they believe. And for those who believe my daughter is bossy, please keep your opinions to yourself because she is in her formative years and is developing the skills she needs to be the best woman she can be. And for all women let’s refrain from labelling each other in ways that are meant to be disrespectful and full of innuendos because we are raising the next generation of women who will carry our words on to the next generation and the next.

To my sisters, it’s up to us to stop the negative chatter and allow our daughters to fully step into their innate abilities without feeling like they have to be anyone other than who they are to be accepted by the female club. In celebration of International Women’s Day – we are raising the next generation of women who will be mothers, sisters, daughters, friends and we want them to be as whole as they can be so they can raise generations that will respect, honour and raise each other up. At the end of the day, we all come from women and the more we uphold the sanctity of womanhood, the better our world will be.

As Condoleezza Rice said, “Words matter.” Here’s to inspiring change through a mindset and language change in the sisterhood of Womanhood… women, the vessels through which all humankind come. Girls will one day be the women of tomorrow.