Tropical Storm Fay helps me

I am sitting here in the dark. Blinds wide open looking out over the dark calm sky. Thinking about life. My life and where I am going with it. Grateful for so so much even though my circumstances are not exactly ideal, I know I am better off than many.

Instead of beautiful music playing in the background as I write this blog, I am listening to the sound of the generator my husband has hooked up so we can shower and have lights on in the kitchen.  More grateful for that sound than the sound of my meditative music. Showing how perspective changes everything.

Storms have a funny way of clearing out the unnecessary debris. Debris that no longer needs to be with us. They clear the path for rebirth killing off that which no longer serves and allowing room for that which needs to come through.

Unexpected storms, as the one we had yesterday morning in Bermuda,come to remind us that life can change in an instant and if we don't get rid of the debris that we need to be rid off, life willl do it for us. Ripping things out of our hands before we believed we were ready to let them go. And particularly when we step back after they are gone and know they were meant to be gone long ago. When we know certain debris was burdening us rather than helping us. But we were too scared to admit it was time to let go. Too afraid of what others may say or do. Worried about what we would be like after the debris had lifted and we have nothing else to blame for burdening us except ourselves. Giving away our power to those who do not deserve space in our hearts.

So Fay came out of the blue turning the sky a very strange yellow as the stillness of the morning was replaced by the noise of a furious storm. Whipping the trees round like they were paper. Ripping off branches. Uprooting trees that had been through many a storm before. Taking them away because their time had come to end.

Sending us all into a state of shock because we had not anticipated the wrath of Fay. Not believed she was going to be that bad.

In the aftermath as my neighbours all came together so we could dig our way out of the debris that had taken over our shared driveway, I felt something shift inside me. As I picked up avocados making it a game with the neighborhood children I realized the storm had come to mirror the one inside me. To remind me there is a time and place for everything. 

As I looked up at the downed power lines,cable lines and telephones lines cutting me off from the world, I knew without a doubt that Mother Nature had come to shut me off from the world to allow me to really go within. To think about where  I am and where I want to be.

As the children ran off to do something else leaving me on my own, I realised with great certainty it is time for me to shut down. To go within. To reassess what debris needs to go out of my life so I can make room for the next stage of my life. And in order to do this I have to pull back from writing my blog. To stop putting so much of myself out there. To take stock.

So this will be my last blog for a while. I am not sure if I will start up again but for now I am letting it go so I can go within to truly hear what my inner voice is telling me without worrying how to word what I am feeling. Without worrying about who is lurking in the darkness trying to take advantage of my vulnerabilities. Giving myself time to be as vulnerable as I need to be to access the whole truth of who I am without being judged by others.

I would like to thank those who have journeyed with me over the last three years. You know who you are and for you I am eternally grateful. Your undying support encouraged me to go on.

I have learnt a lot through this process of sharing my blog but as Tropical Storm Fay taught me yesterday sometimes we have to listen and take heed of life's warnings. Because when we don't, we open ourselves to forces we need not have in the first place. We expose ourselves to events not needed in our lives. Until we no longer know who we are or what we stand for.

I will continue to write just not publicly. I am grateful for Tropical Storm Fay for taking me by surprise allowing me to know what I have known for a while. Everything has a time and place. There is a season for everything. And the season for the public me is done for now. As I finish the light is rising  in the sky, the birds are chirping and the new day has begun as am I beginning anew. As am I being reborn. So with both a heavy heart and a blissful heart, I bid you all adieu with love and light. Namaste

Every opinion we have is from our perspective

Every opinion we have is from our perspective
So is there really a wrong or right
A right or a wrong
A black or white
White or black
Every thought we have
Is based on our individual lives
Our  individual challenges
Our individual triumphs
Our individual hurts
Our individual joy
Our individual pain
Our individual pleasure
So why are so judgmental
When we do not walk in the shoes of any other
Only the shoes we have on our feet
Only our path
Only our life
Yet we spend so much time
Too much time
Living someone else's life
Trying to measure our lives on theirs
Rather than living our lives
And growing ourselves
Why do we think we can condemn
And belittle
When all we are doing
Is condemning and belittling ourselves
Why do we spend so much time
Too much time
Looking out there for
Someone
Anyone to blame for where we are
When all we need do is look within
To find the fault lies there
Within
Deep deep within
We are the ones who form opinions
Thoughts
Judgments
Based on the place we come from
From within
Based on our own insecurities
Based on our own lack
Based on what we have
Based on our own experiences
So whatever we are condemning another for
Is really what we are condemning ourselves for
For what we see in another
Over and over again
Is what we see in ourselves
Is what we want
Is who we truly are
A mirror of our selves
When we are able to see the good in others
We see the good in ourselves
When we know the situation is too toxic for us to be in
We walk away and don't look back
But we never do so from a place of hate
We do so from a place of love
When we walk away from anything and anyone with hate
We have not dealt with what we need to deal with
And so we keep taunting
Keep trying to be the person or thing we hate
And in doing so
We give up on living our own lives
Give up in being who we are truly meant to be
And when we do
We become opinionated
Judgmental
Full of envy and hate
Obsessive even
Because we are so busy trying to be
The person over there
Rather than the person we are inside
So the next time we want to judge
The next time we want to condemn
The next time we want to gossip
Think about it
Think about it long and hard
Who are we really judging
Who are we really condemning
And when we are silent
And reflective
And honest with ourselves
We know in our heart of hearts
We are only judging and condemning ourselves
For we do not walk on any other's shoes
We do not live any other's life
Except our own
Only our own

Life mirrors my every thought

 "Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, Life brings to me only good experiences."
There are so many moving pieces in my life right now. So many choices to makes. So many paths opening. Which one do I take? Why do we get lulled into a false comfort zone when it is that comfort zone that is keeping us locked  - locked in the greyness of life. Looked in the haze so we cannot see clearly. So we can find no way out. We think we are comfortable but we are not. For when we are too comfortable we are not growing. We become stagnant. Bored.
Why do we run from that which will grow us the most. That which scares us the most. When we complain about life passing us by. When we see others taking the reins of the bucking horse and riding him  high like he is a mule. Why do we stand on the sidelines when we know we should be in the arena fighting like the gladiators of old. Fighting for our place. Our place in this world.
Life mirrors our every thought. So why do we cling to the negative,. To that which shadows our view. That which keeps the light out of our lives and lies only in the shadows of those who do. Why don't we take the chances that come our way. Always explaining ourselves to others whose business of our lives is not theirs to have or take or to know. Why do we feel we need to justify what we do when it is our lives to live and not theirs.
When did we learn to consider others way before we consider ourselves. Knowing deep down inside,  when we do, all that happens is we satisfy no one. When we know if we do not satisfy ourselves first, we can satisfy no one after that. We may be able to play the game for a while with that false and "safe' front we put up but eventually the facade crumbles and we are left sitting in the dust while those who were judging us move on to judge others. Or worse yet, take our rightful place or use our name to get what they want.
When do we understand we have power over our lives and only our lives by the power of our thoughts. That what we think about the most is what we attract. What we desire the most even if we think we are clever and try to suppress it or disguise it as something else, always comes to get us. Delivers to us exactly what we want.
So when I found this quote - a few weeks ago now- I held it. Held it in my thoughts until I was ready to explore it. Ready to see where it took me from a writing perspective to understand what I have been suppressing. What I have been thinking. To understand why this quote stayed with me. Hidden in the recesses of my brain but in plain sight for me to see it and dwell upon it. Until this morning when I finally understand the why. That in order to have the life I want, in order to live the life I want, I have to watch my thoughts in order to determine where I will dwell. In  order to be who I want.
To recognise that dark thoughts come to help me understand the light. To know that even when it is dark outside it is up to me to find the light because in every situation there is the antithesis. It's just up to me, to us to choose which side we want to be on. Which thought we are going to carry to become who we are because it is so so true, "Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, Life brings me only good experiences."
Life brings to me whatever it is I think because it is what I think that I attract - positive or negative. Good or bad. So it is up to me to decide which one I want and only me. No one else. For life mirrors my every thought.  Namaste

My journey of love and light

Hiding
Writing
Exploring
Helping
Wondering
How and Why
Do I continue
Or do I stop
Am I writing for me
Or am I writing guardedly
Not sure anymore
Hesitant sometimes
About what I expose
Because I know there are those
Looking for my weaknesses
Ready to pounce
Lurking in the shadows
Trying to anticipate my every move
So I try to be discrete
Sometimes writing in riddles
Sometimes not writing my truth
Because I know they are watching
And waiting
Hiding in the darkness
Using others to send me messages
Messages I no longer want to hear
Nor need to hear
So I try to be discrete
But now I am questioning
Why should I be discrete
Why should I hide
These are my lessons
My writing from the heart
And if someone is choosing to live
Vicariously through me
Choosing to base their lives on my story
That is their business not mine
If I try not to live out my life
Through my writing
Writing that is my morning coffee
Writing that sets my intention for the day
And no one esle's
Unless we are on the same wavelength for the day
Which I am grateful for
Then I have to just do what I do
So I don't lose my story
Don't lose my voice
By trying to disguise it
By trying to hide
This is my blog
My inner voice
My joy
That which gets me up in the morning
Puts pep in my step
And so I will hide no more
I will write for my deep down inside
guide
The one that never lets me down
The one that never fails me
When I am authentically me
I can't worry about the motives of others
Because they are not mine
Because eventually they will learn
Living an inauthentic life
Is tiresome
Boring
And just too exhausting to do
And hopefully they will learn something
From reading my blogs
That life is meant to lived
As the life we choose
Not based on revenge
Nor nay saying
Nor hate
Nor competition
Hopefully one day they will realise
That the only person they are ever fighting
Is themselves
Not anyone else
Never anyone else
And if my blog teaches them that
Indirectly
Then I have accomplished great things
So I will not hide
Not be discrete
Because this is my journey
My journey of love and light

A Prayer for Peace

I woke up this morning with the moon streaming through my bathroom window. Calling me to pull up the shade to let its full light through. Allowing the beams of light, the rays of love to fill me. My broken body full of disease this morning. Willing me to write this prayer for peace. Pulling me out of my discomfort to write this prayer, this prayer that filled me. That came from a place deep within. This prayer for peace.
I pray for the Universe to shine down on all of us
Lifting us out of fear
Filling us with love instead
Asking us to address that which we fear
So that it does not control us
Until we are left alone
Asking for peace to come into our hearts
Pushing aside war
Knowing that all war is
Is fear
Disguised to look like aggression
Making us falsely believe we are fearless
When in fact we are full of fear
A fear that is driving us
Under this Hunters Moon
Where the light turned from yellow to red
Red like the blood
The blood that is spilled needlessly
In the name of triumph
False triumph
Because in true triumph
There is no blood shed
Only love spread
When we we see the signs of the universe
For what they are
We understand
That there is enough
Enough for us all
We don't need to steal someone else's light
Pretending it is our own
When in fact it is not
When our light is really over there
Where there is plenty
Rather than laying in the shadows
Of someone else's light
Waiting lurking
For their weakness to show
So we can pounce on it
Thinking it will help us
Make us grow
But the only thing it will do
Is diminish us
Make us more fearful
Exhibit more pestilence
More jealousy
More war
Because we know
We are not standing
Not standing in our own light
But we are in the shadows
The shadows of someone else's light
Rather than accepting and knowing
Who we are
And being who we are
So we can stand in our own light
As I come to close
I look for the moon
To find it low in the West
Obscured somewhat by my Poinciana tree
But when I look
Look carefully through the leaves
I see the moon
Its light still hanging on
And then it is eclipsed
Eclipsed by the sun
Just before the dark sky
Turns into the morning light
I end my prayer
My prayer under this Hunter's Moon
My prayer for peace
My prayer for forgiveness
My prayer for letting go
And letting be
So we can all claim our spot
Our true spot in the light
Where we don't feel the need
To steal someone else's light
When there is enough light
Enough light for us all
When we embrace who we are
For all we are
Under the light
The light of the Hunter's Moon
Amen

Sometimes we want to become just like them

Sometimes we are so tempted
Tempted to become just like them
Like the ones that disparage our names
Like the ones who taunt us from afar
Like the ones who wrong us
Then pretend we wronged them
When we don't become like them
When we remain ourselves
And confuse the hell out of them
Sometimes we want to be just like them
Spread malicious gossip about people
Try to get others to hate them as much as we do
Try to get everyone to see our point of view
Prove that we are right and they are wrong
Getting people to side with us
Not with them
Sometimes we want to become just like them
Ruining lives so that we can be triumphant
Stand on top of the dead bodies along the way
And declare we are King of the World
Queen of the species
Sometimes we just want to get in the mud
And sling mud like the best of them
Forgetting it is not the best of them
But the worst of them
So instead of craving to be just like them
We need to stop
To breathe
To pray
To mediate
Give ourselves time
Time alone
And when we do
We discover
When we step back
When we go deep within
And observe the ones that sling mud
The ones that gossip about everything and everyone
That their hearts are empty
Their souls are lost
Their minds are poisoned
And they only do what they do
Because they desperately want to be accepted
Desperately want attention
Desperately want to deflect away from their own shortcomings
So they pick on others to make them look bad
So they can look good
So they do not have to deal with themselves
So why would we want to be just like them
Why would we want to step into their arena
And become just like them
When it it is easier to move away
To not be tempted to be just like them
To not have to justify who we are and why we are
To them
Or to anyone else for that matter
Our only mission in life is to live the best lives we can
To be the best we can be for us
Not for them
Not for anyone else but for ourselves
Because in living our best lives
We help others to live their best lives
Because we emulate an energy
An energy that radiates pure love
Unconditional love
Allowing the light within us to shine through
The love from our souls to pour out
But when we become just like them
The ones with the poisoned souls
All we do is create bad karma all around
Bad karma for us
Bad karma for them
Creating a vicious cycle that we cannot escape
So on those days when we are tempted
Oh so tempted to become just like them
Just like those who spread negativity
Pestilence and hate
Remember all we are ever seeking
All we are ever looking for is love
Never hate
Never spite
Only love
And when we do
We become love
And light
Allowing us to let go
Let go off hate
Let go off revenge
Let go of having to prove ourselves
Allowing us to embody the universal sought gift
The universal soul gift of love
And then our attention shifts
Our hearts become full
Our energy lightens
And we see the error of our ways
We know our goal is never to become like them
Never to sling mud at others
Never to become full of spite
It is always to be grateful
To be love
To be light
And when we do
We realize we are never alone
We are always enough
Because we know
We are love

Reaching our own state of Nirvana

On Saturday my husband, son and I attended the TedXBermuda event at the Fairmont Southamption Princess. From the moment I sat down and saw a most beautiful painting as the backdrop for the event, I knew I was in the right place at the right time. It felt so good to be in the company of seekers like me. People looking for the betterment of themselves and in doing so, the betterment of mankind.

Tedx is a wonderful organisation that has evolved to open our minds. To challenge us to think differently by listening to the stories of many storytellers who come up on stage and are brave enough to share their stories.
The event opened with a young lady called Ishrat Yakub, hula hooping in a style I had never seen before. Watching her spin  the hula as if the hula was an extension of her body was mind boggling. Particularly since she was using the hula in ways unconventional to the norm. And then when she was done, she spoke so poetically about what the hula had done for her. A young girl who grew up in Dubai where modesty was more acceptable than anything else. Where dance was frowned upon because it was not modest. But yet when she saw someone hula dancing for the first time, she felt a stir within her and so she decided to take lessons. Lessons that opened her up to a side of herself that had always resided within her and had been waiting for her to discover it. Liberating her from her fear of her own femininity.
She said so many beautiful things after her mesmerizing act of hula hooping but one thing she said in particular that struck me was, "Sometimes when I am hula hooping, I reach a state of now, the state of complete self acceptance and being fully present." Meaning she reached her own Nirvana. Even typing the words I can feel her state of peace. Her ecstasy. Her present moment connection while she is in her zone, when nothing else matters except her and her hula hoop. Except that state when she becomes one with everything and nothing. A state I know all too well when I am writing. When I let go and let be. When the words flow out of me rather than me to trying to control the flow.
It was as she spoke that I realized more than anything finding our passion and practicing it every moment we can allows us to reach our own individual state of Nirvana. Allows us to see and feel that we are a part of a much bigger whole. That what one does to another, affects us all. That we are more interconnected than we know but we only know this when we find what brings us back to the beginning. What brings us face to face with who we are and why we are where we are. Because it is in this zone that we are opened up to joy, pure joy and abundance,
For Ishrat it is when she gets within the circle of her hula that magic begins to happen to her mind, body and soul. A magic that allows them all to become one allowing there to be no separation between the movement of her body and the hula as they flow together without force. Without interruption. Just being present in the moment and letting the movement of the hula and her body synchronize such that their movements flow to natural rhythm of her soul. The rhythm of her heartbeat which is the heartbeat of the Universe.
At the break I was too full to want to go out and mingle with the crowd. I wanted to sit in silence and reflect on the speakers that I had just heard. I wanted to savor the feeling of awe I felt that I was able to be in the presence of so many wonderful thinkers and doers. To fully digest the sense of privilege and blessing I felt that I was in the position to offer this experience to the sponge mind of my 15 year old. Allowing him to expand his thinking beyond the norm of his circle. To let him see the possibility that exists for him when he discovers his passion. Feeling so proud that our son was sitting with his father and mother on a Saturday afternoon learning as we were learning - learning together as family. Wishing my daughter was with us but she was off doing her passion. Rehearsing for a play. And as all these thoughts were running through my mind, I looked up at the painting that formed the backdrop for the event and silently expressed my gratitude for the learning that I was experiencing with my family. As I felt like the person depicted in the painting sitting on the rock looking out at the moon and the endless horizon - at the all that is us all when we are ready.

And then I felt this presence behind me . A presence that willed me to turn so I did and sitting behind me was Ishtar. Somehow she seemed much smaller than the performer who had been on stage. More vulnerable than the woman that was in the zone with her hula on the stage. And it was this vulnerability that invited me to chat with her. Only to discover that this talented young lady is a resident of Bermuda. An auditor no less who arrived in Bermuda from Dubai via Canada. How she had come to perform because she had volunteered to help at the event. Only for someone to discover a YouTube video showing her hula hoop skills. Allowing her to go beyond just volunteering to performing. Showing that when we listen to our inner voice, we are always led to where we need to be.
There were so many other speakers that I could write about and maybe I will but today it was Ishrat that moved me to write about her. To share her story to allow us all to remember when we listen, really listen to our inner voice, it always leads us to the place where our passion can be unleashed and set free. Allowing us to be unleashed and set free. Happy Monday everyone. Feeling totally blessed and inspired...

Learning from my noncompetitive son

I am learning so much from my 15 year old son at the moment. He is irritating most times because he has such a nonchalant attitude about everything. But at the same time I am realizing it is his nonchalant attitude that allows him to sail through the day doing what he wants to do, what moves him rather than doing what everyone expects for him to do. He puts no pressure on himself. He just does and is and as a result I very rarely see him flustered. Very really see him panicking about anything. Sure sometimes he forgets everything he needs for the day because he thinks everything is going to just show up and be where it is meant to be and that sends steam rushing out of my head but he does not panic. He just makes do with what he remembers. With what he has.
The other day he had to do a swim meet and my son does not like to compete. He has no desire to prove himself to anyone because he knows who he is and what he wants. So he finds it tedious to have to compete against anyone. In his 15 year old mind which is actually a very evolved mind, there is no need to compete with anyone. In his heart of hearts, he believes the only person he needs to feel good about is himself.
So getting back to the swim meet - on the day of the meet, as we were driving into school, he realized he forgot his goggles, towel and lunch. He only managed to remember his swim trunks because he was wearing them I swear. Did he panic because he didn't have them. Nope. But guess who did? Me! My blood pressure went through the roof as I gripped the steering wheel and gritted my teeth screaming at him while my brain went into overdrive. There was no way that we could turn around and still make it to school in time. There is a window in which driving into school is easy rather than stop and go and that morning I did not want to be in stop and go traffic. My mind all over the place as I tried to figure out where at 7.45 in the morning I was going to be able to get lunch, goggles and a towel in one place so we did not have to turn around and go back home. My son, on  the other hand, sat in the back of the car not even worrying,
Well we managed to get everything he needed. Goggles borrowed from someone else who had extras of everything and everyone ended up where we were meant to be. On time and fully equipped.  My son went to the meet not even knowing what events he was going to be swimming in but just went with the flow. And you know what at the end of the day, he ended up swimming in 4 events and placing second in each event. This was a child who did not know what events he was in, didn't have the majority of the stuff he needed to get  through the events and could care less about where he placed. But at the end of the day everything went according to how it was meant to be. My son nonchalantly telling us how he did when we asked without even being concerned about how he did because he hates to competes.
His place in the meet mattering not to him because he truly takes to heart the only person he has to be better than is the person he was the day before. A great quote I came across this week. A great quote that my son epitomizes. He could care less about what anyone else is doing or where they rank. All he wants is to do what makes him feel good. And because of that attitude, he has a good energy about him because those who know him, knows he judges them not because he is not concerned about what they think about him nor is he concerned about where he is relative to them.
And as a parent I am learning to back off and not put pressure in him to be someone he is not. When I asked him how he felt about the meet, he said he hated it. When I asked him why, he said it's because he just does not like to compete. I have to admit my first reaction was disappointment because he is so noncompetitive. When I think about my son saying he does not like to compete, I panic sometimes that he will not realise his full potential because I know this is a cold, competitive world where everyone is ranked according to their prowess.
But you know what the swim meet taught me about my son, he is always ready to do what he wants to do. He just does not feel the pressure of society to be something he is not. He just does and is. He does not take himself too seriously so he won't die of a heart attack for sure. Everyone else around him may! But he won't and he will take the time to stop and smell the roses along the way because for him the journey is much more important than the destination. For him, life is meant to be lived in the moment according to his wishes not how others perceive.
Teaching me, I have to remember to not force him to be someone other than who he is and let him just continue to be who he is because when he is, he does just fine. Nonchalant, no skin off my back sort of guy who will go through life just fine because he does not feel the need to prove himself to anyone and could care less about his place in society.  He just wants to do what he likes to do regardless of where he fits into the expectation of anyone. How liberating is that feeling. So I am learning to let him just be who he is because he is just fine just the way he is. And even better, he enjoys his own company and enjoys life as it comes to him. A page I am learning to take from his book. Because it is true, the only person we need to be better than is the person we were the day before....

October

October. The month of reds, oranges and yellows. The month that really ushers in fall, cooler weather and less humidity. The month I long for after a long hot summer because it is the transition month before all hell breaks loose for winter. The month when the winds are gentle and the sun gets to shine its light without being diffused by high humidity. I love October as you can tell. It is one of my favorite months of the year because it is the month of transition.
And today marks the birthday of a woman who helped to save my life. A woman whose family took me in at a time in my life when I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. A woman and her family who showed me that family does not necessarily mean blood relatives but sometimes means strangers who welcome us in without question. Who open up their home to us as if we are one of their own as her family did for me more than 30 years ago when I was a struggling student trying to find my way in a country that was not my own.
When my friend who will always hold a special place in my heart even though we have not spoken in years, welcomed me into her family. Allowed me into her personal space. Extended her family to me as if we were blood sisters. Making such an impression on me that though life has taken us on different paths, my connection with her has never diminished. I have never forgotten her birthday. Never stopped thinking about her and wishing her well.
So today I have decided that time has waited long enough for us to be reacquainted. Long enough for the distance between us to exist no more. That it is time for me to acknowledge her publicly for the angel she was and will always be for me. By opening her home to me, her parents and sisters welcoming me like I was one of their own, they had no idea how close I was to giving up. To letting go off my dream. But she showed up at the right time in the right place for us to be together. To deliver me from my own darkness that was threatening to pull me down.
Without them coming into my life at a time when my own blood relatives could not help me, they helped to propel me to this place I am today. I know for sure without them, there was no way I would have been able to finish University. No way I would have remained sane. So I am forevermore grateful to my dear friend Juanita Dean and her family who will always be my family.
And I am shouting out Happy Birthday to her in a public way that she will probably hate because she does not like to be in the limelight. But sometimes when our hearts are full and we understand the importance of people that come into our lives and though time and distance has kept us apart, we need to show them they will always hold a special place in our hearts and souls. Their actions teach us there is no time and distance between those who are always connected in ways least understood.
October, one of my favorite months of the year with its reds, yellows and oranges, pumpkins, Halloween, cooler weather and its transitional phase when everything in nature bursts into full color and vibrancy before fading away and in some cases dying off for the cold winter. Giving themselves time to rest before coming back again. Just like my friendship with Juanita. A time when we were apart until it was time for us to be back together again as is the time now.
Explaining so much why I love October because it is the month when my angel came to Earth some 6 months before I did in 1962 to wait for me to show up in her life, in a different year,  in a different country to let me know that family does not necessarily mean blood relatives. It means those who would go to the ends of the Earth for us no matter what and they will never do anything to harm us, only to help us.
Happy birthday my dear friend, Juanita Dean - love you more than words could ever explain and thank you for being my family at a time when I needed family more than anything. And for you, Ma, James, Nikki and Dee Dee I am truly grateful. Enjoy your day. Namaste.

Somedays

Sometimes we are so busy looking for the extraordinary that we lose out on the ordinary everyday experiences that brings us the most joy
Like the fact that we woke up this morning
Some of us did not
That we get to see another day
Some of us did not
That we get to go out and do life all over again
Some of us did not
That there is so much joy in the everyday - the fact that we breathe in and out so we are alive
We can see
Hear
And feel
Some days we are so busy trying to be important that we overlook the important events that are happening around us every single day
That the earth continues to revolve around the sun
That we have good air to breathe
That gravity keeps us grounded and gives us dimension
That we have access to our full senses
Some days we want to be the most clever person  around that we forget to be clever and live in the moment
To be grateful for the moment we find ourselves in
Whether it may be dark or light
Because each moment is helping us to be the person we are
To enjoy the rain that comes to nourish everything
Followed by the sun to warm us again and to dry away the rain
To help the plants to grow
Providing food for us to eat
Water for us to drink
Some days we are trying too hard to be rather than just being
Rather than just standing in the sun and observing the beautiful flowers, the birds and the bees
Rather than standing outside at night and looking up at the vastness of the sky full of stars
At the clouds passing by the moon
At the place we chose to live out our human days
Some days we want to be so perfect that we end up doing nothing and then wonder why the day has passed us by without accomplishing anything
Forgetting in order to know perfection, we have to to know failure
That perfection is fleeting because we are human and prone to make mistakes
It is these mistakes that help us to know whether we are on the right track or not
Allowing us to know when we seek perfection all the time, we stunt our own growth
Some days we think we know it all only to discover that we know nothing
And that fact should not surprise us nor should it frighten us
Because in accepting we know nothing
We open ourselves to learn more
To experience more
Rather than believing there is nothing more to learn
Nothing more to know
We understand everyday brings us a new experience
A new way of seeing things
If we don't blind ourselves by believing we know it all
When in fact we know nothing
Some days all we need do is say to ourselves as my quote of the days says, " I am in the perfect place at the perfect time. I am always safe."
And if we do, we will realise that we are always where we are meant to be
There is no need to over analyse anything but to accept we are always where we are meant to be
We need not worry about what is happening over there
All we need do is concentrate on the here and now
Safe in the knowledge that it matters not what life throws at us because whatever it may be, it too will pass.
And the experience will only stand to make us stronger and more learned.
So on those days when we are struggling to begin, all we need do is just begin and let whatever is meant to unfold unfold. Because we can never expect life's bests when we are not giving it our best. When we choose not to be a part of life's rich tapestry, we lose out on the everyday gifts that life brings to us
Particularly when we are too busy looking for the extraordinary rather than relishing in the every day ordinary gifts that come our way

Nature is one of our greatest teachers

When we look at nature. Really study it and see how toads find puddles of water and sit in them - wherever they may be. As my husband found Mr. Kingpin, our resident toad, happily sleeping on one of our front steps in a little puddle of water just right for him at 5 am this morning. Not a care in the world. Happy as could be to be sitting in a puddle just big enough for him. Enjoying his new spot after all the rain.
How cats come from places that cause them stress to find new homes, as did our neighbor's cat, Sally, who left them to come to us because she no longer felt it was her home anymore. And no matter how hard we resisted her and would not feed her, all that happened was that she licked her fur off to let us know she needed a change. Needed somewhere else to go. Her stress getting so great for her that she was nearly bald. Our neighbor compassionate enough to take Sally to the vet and the vet telling her she needed to let the cat go. To let her come to our home. None of us believed the vet at first. How could a cat be stressed? Nonsense we all thought. But here we are some 3 months later and Sally is full of fur. Her fur not only  completely back but glossy too now that she has moved in with us. Left the place that no longer served her and come to the place that does. Even if it is only stone's throw away from where she used to live, she knew this was her home. So she kept coming until everyone realized this was where she was meant to be.
I look at her sometimes and feel envious of her because she does not feel guilty for leaving what was not right for her. For letting go of what no longer served her. Not with any malice because when she feels like it, she saunters back down there and spends some time because she knows she did what she had to do to make life right for her. And because she did she is thriving rather than suffering.
When we study nature and see that we are not meant to be in places or with people that stress us or do not give us what we want, we discover that life always provides for us if we are willing to adapt. Willing to change. Willing to let go of whatever no longer serves us. And trust the Universe will guide us to where we need to go. To be.
Life is always trying to point us in the direction we need to go. Away from the negative. Away from all that drains us to the place where we will find peace. Understanding peace is only with us for as long as we allow it to be with us. As long as we surrender to it and let go of all the negative that is constantly seeking us out.
When we study nature, really spend time in it, we observe that it is constantly changing to prepare for the season it finds itself in. My Poinciana tree that was once vibrant red is now all green because it has shed its red flowers and is now ready for Fall as Summer has passed. And soon it will be less green when winter comes through.
When we really study nature we see that it is constantly changing and adapting to the time it finds itself in; so why are we so resistant to change? Why are we so concerned about what others may think when we crave change when it is our lives and not theirs. When it is none of our business what they think about us because it is our lives not theirs. Particularly since those who make it their business to be in other people's business have no business of their own because they are always busy being in other people's lives, they neglect their own. Or they are fearful of who they really are so they spend their days trying to destroy those who see it is necessary to change in order to thrive.
When did we become so beholden to a life that does not serve us? To a life that keeps us chained to a place that is like a prison for us rather than taking our clues from nature. From watching the animals and trees that we think are less clever than us; but in reality are more clever than us because they do what they have to do to survive and to thrive. Constantly changing to suit the changing environment around them. Recognizing that if they remain stagnant, they will die off.
Shouldn't we take our cues from nature and adapt and change to find people, places and things that suit us rather than eat away at us until we have no fur left like Sally? Wouldn't we rather be like Sally and find the home that suits us? Or like Mr. Kingpin and find the puddle that is just right for us? Nature is always giving us clues about where we ought to be -and it's up to us to take off the blinders and be who we are meant to be. Shutting out the naysayers because if they were doing what they were meant to be doing, they would be happy for us rather than envious of us.
Nature is one of our greatest teachers if only we would see it for what it really is, we would be much happier people and certainly much more content...

The only battle we are ever fighting

The only battle we are ever fighting
Is the battle within
There is no battle
Without
Unless within is not sorted out
No one can make us feel anyway
Unless we carry the feeling inside
No one can take anything from us
Unless we give it to them
No one can make us feel inferior
Unless we carry inferiority inside us
No one can belittle us
Unless we feel belittled within
No one can hurt us
Unless we are hurt within
No one can tell us we are
Something else
Other than who we are
Unless we are something else
Within
Unless
We have been pretending
To be something without
That is not us within
The only battle we are ever fighting
Is the battle we allow in
Because we never assessed it from within
Because we never went within
To find out why the without
Hurts us
Belittles us
Takes from us
Makes us feel inferior
Afraid or Scared
Because the only battle
We are every fighting
Is the battle within
The greatest battle we will ever fight
The only battle we can ever win
Is the battle
The battle within

Lesson from the pouring rain

Rain.  Relentless rain. Pouring so hard on my roof, I thought it would come through. All night long. Not letting up. Lighting flashed. Thunder rumbled. More rain. Hard rain. Washing away the residue that need not remain. Flooding places that needed to be cleared out. Showing where the blockages were.

Waking up this morning to yet more rain. Rainy Monday morning. Not a good way to start the week with a gloomy rainy morning. But then when I thought about how I came home on Saturday after doing errands and got out of my car to be greeted by the beautiful gift of nature, I remembered why I needed to be grateful for this rain. Everything in my yard looking so lush. So green. So abundant, I felt so blessed. So privileged to live in such a beautiful and abundant place.
I thought about how I stood for a moment taking in the varying shades of green. The shadows cast by the trees. The light pouring through the leaves. And I was in awe. In awe of the sight before my eyes. Filling me with such appreciation for everything that has happened to allow me to stand in the spot I stood on Saturday. Thinking about all the rain that has come this year to allow everything to be so lush, so abundant, so full. Thinking if there is such a place as utopia, I was standing in it.
I was in such awe that I took pictures of the place I live. Took pictures to remind myself of the magic moment I was experiencing. Of the time when the place I take for granted often because I return to it every day made me realise just how fortunate I am. Just how blessed I am to be able to call this place my home. This place where birds sing just about every day. This place where there is greenery that casts shadows and light filters through the canopy of trees that almost look like rainbows  sometimes. This place where I leave and come back to every single day. And I am glad I did take photos to capture that moment because it was that moment that is shifting my thoughts from doom and gloom about the rain that seems to not want to let up to pure gratitude for it being here.
For it is the rain that has allowed my avocado trees to be fully laden. Has allowed my yard to look like the Garden of Eden. Has given me pause to realise that the downpours we get in life are helping us to grow into the people we asked to come here to be. It also allowed me to not fear the thunder storm last night because I knew it had come to help clear the air as do all storms; even our personal storms.
So I am shifting away from thinking about the gloom of the rain this morning to gratitude for its coming. For without the rain I would not have had the magic moment I had on Saturday. The moment where my life stopped me in my tracks and asked me to see, to really see where I am in my journey. To really appreciate this place I call home. To see the beauty I walk past every day for the first time. Sending chills up and down my spine.
Allowing me to know in this moment, for all types of weather, I am truly grateful because it is the changing weather that allows us to appreciate the sun, the abundance and the peace that comes when the rain, wind and storms are done.
Happy Monday everyone. Here's to another week to make the most of all that comes our way because it is where we asked to be so that we can get to where we are going. Remembering sometimes to stop and appreciate from whence we have come to appreciate the place we are standing. Namaste

Capturing the essence of who we are

Capturing the essence of who we are
Not forgetting why we came
And who we came to be
Capturing the love that exists for us all
The colors we see in the world
The love we feel in our hearts
Life is meant to be lived
To be explored
To be a mystery
So that we are constantly
Renewing
Challenging
Growing
And finding our way
It is not meant to be black and white
And often it will be grey
But some days
We see all
That is meant to be seen
When we give ourselves the space
And time for the fog to clear
Allowing us to see
All the clarity in the world
When we stop

Just stop

And listen

Listen

To the music of our hearts
The rhythm of our beat
The universal song
That connects us all
To the place we all belong
The place from which
All hope springs
The place from which
The harmony of the world rings
The place that says nothing and everything
All at once
The place that is called the beginning and end
The place that we all return to
When we listen to the call
The call of our own Voice
The call that knows when we need to brought back
To the beginning
The call that asks us to surrender

Just surrender

Surrender

To the music of the angels
The angels that are all of us
Capturing the essence of our hearts
When we step out in nature
And see the colors
The bountifulness
Of this world we call Earth
This world that blesses us
And curses us
When we forget to be grateful for all we have
When we remember to be grateful for what we have
When we remember to give thanks
For the trials as well as the triumphs
Because without one
We would not know the other

Capturing the essence of who we are
The heart song
That beats
Without effort
The pulse that connects us all
To the place from which we all came
The place that waits for our return
The place we cannot escape
Because it is our original home
Capturing the essence of our heart song
Is what makes us tick
What makes us who we are
What connects us all
Because we are all
We are all
Which means we are nothing
Because without one
There could be no other

Capturing the essence of who we are
Not forgetting why we came
And who we came to be
Capturing the love that exists for us all
The colors we see in the world
The love we feel in our hearts
Letting us know
Life is meant to be lived
Fully and totally
Life is meant to be lived
Amen

#TGIT - History was definitely made last night

Well. Well. Well. (couldn't resist stealing the phrase of Maleficent) History was definitely made last night on #ABC and #Shondaland because she and her wonderful writers did not disappoint.
From the Grey's fans, the  show was great. Not my show so I  have to trust they know.
And #Scandal, well it was definitely scandalous. The show opening to a whole new world with people together I was hoping would not be together. Throwing the whole beginning into a world completely of their own. Discombobulating those of us seeking the same scenery and people who were always the cornerstone of the Scandal story. Making us question what we were watching.
Soon bringing us back to a place more familiar. A place of double dealing and backstabbing that serves no one but the backstabbers and cheats. It is then that Olivia finds her groove again. Finds she missed what she thought she hated. What she thought she was running from was actually running to her. Forcing her to confront what was important to her when she finds her gladiators scattered. Lost. Brought back together by the one who was the most lost in the Season before - our Quinn. Mourning the death of the one who was the glue of the gladiators - Harrison - may he RIP. Who through his "death" still remained as the glue that brought everyone back together again. Reaching from beyond the grave.
And then the temptation, the lure of being the fixer became too great for Olivia Pope when she was asked to find a solution to a problem.  A problem that was not hers . But a problem that ignited the flame again in her to be the woman she was meant to be - the fixer, the handler. Especially if it meant not completely fixing or handling herself. Death and destruction circling her like vultures to fresh kill but she was too blind to see that she was being pulled back into the world she thought she hated. The world she thought she wanted nothing more to do it.
But the first temptation that came before her pulled her back. Back to the place where her world will be rocked. Showing us the shattered lives of the people she left behind. The people who had not recovered from the wrongdoings and shenanigans that had gone on before.
Shonda taking us on a roller coaster ride as we watched the hurt and the feelings of betrayal of not one but most of the characters on the show. Challenging us to decide if any of them were wrong for the defensive positions they had assumed or if all of them were right. Showing us without lecturing us that life is not easily black and white. Not always that clear. That sometimes the truth resides in the in between. The grey. The ether less understood.
Ending Scandal on a bang with the hope that life will come back to what we remembered it before by reuniting those who were never meant to be separated. Whose hearts and souls are intertwined no matter the distance. No matter the time. When people are meant to be together, they will always be together no matter how hard they try to keep apart. Showing us that sometimes we waste precious time being something what we are not. Being with people who are only showing us how not to be so we can find those who help us to be who we are.
And then the historical #TGIT created by #Shondaland and #ABC came to an end on a high with "How To Get Away with Murder" starring Ms. Viola Davis and her commanding and mesmerizing voice. Her presence filling the entire screen. Her control unbreakable so we falsely believed until Shondaland revealed the fragile and broken aspect we all carry in the character of Viola. Showing us that none of us are perfect. We all have flaws even when our image seems impenetrable. Even when we seem to have it all going on.Underneath there is always a secret. A secret we all carry. A scar never healed.
What a night. A night spent with friends, old and new, brought together to share in the history making night, #TGIT,  that did not disappoint. Bravo Shonda and her writer's room for taking us an emotional roller coaster dropping us off in midair waiting for more. Bravo to ABC for giving Shonda the chance to be the Queen of Thursday nights and for allowing her to hook us one more time. Waiting impatiently for next Thursday to come. What a ride. Can't wait for the next #TGIT. Breathless and counting the days, the hours, the minutes and seconds to be thrust into Shondaland once again.

Can't resist - it's #Scandal night tonight

Okay so I tried. I really did try to stay away from writing anything about #Scandal premiering Season 4 tonight. I started out thinking I could shift my thoughts away from the excitement that the countdown is really over. Finally over and the day has finally come when Olivia Pope and Fitz will once again be main characters in my life. Lighting up my screen! Sizzling in only the way they can. Her pouty mouth. His dreamy stare. When #Olitz will be brought back to life on my screen every Thursday night.
I listened to my normal meditation music. Hearing the voice of angels in the background who normally pull me into the silence of my thoughts. The nothingness that is the all. But this morning that nothingness turned into the faces of my Fitz and Olivia Pope. I know I've got it bad. My husband and children now knowing that Thursday nights are not meant to be messed with while #Scandal is on the air. Even my work colleagues work with me to schedule no dinners on that night, drinks maybe - and you know who you are - thank you. No spoilers Julia just total excitement and anticipation.
So once I came out of my meditation still feeling the strong pull of my Scandal addiction, I thought I would distract myself by attempting to write something more spiritual but #Shondaland kept creeping into my bones, my pores, my everything. My fingers trying to go in one direction on the keyboard but my mind not letting go until I could resist it no longer. Forcing me to abandon my romantic thoughts about whatever else I was trying to write bringing me back to what I was meant to write about - my addiction. My Scandal. Oh so excited, can't you tell!
But even more than that I have to acknowledge the reality that tonight Shonda Rhimes will make history! And I could not be more proud of her right now - a woman, a woman of colour, a woman who does not look like what Hollywood considers to be the ideal Hollywood woman, a woman who some claim to be an angry black woman is breaking every single stereotype there is and taking her place in history tonight. Call her what you like, define her as you may, Shonda Rhimes is completely and utterly shattering the concept of white males owning TV land tonight when she debuts her #TGIT rollout of shows.
Oh happy day for tonight Shonda Rhimes will come waltzing in with not one but three shows taking over the ABC network. Amazing grace - how sweet the sound.  And I could not be any more excited than I am right now because this woman is showing to me, my daughter, her daughters, herself, and to all the other daughters and women out there who have been lured into believing we are meant to sit quietly under the glass ceiling that was put there first by someone who wanted to protect what was his own and feared the new, there is no glass ceiling. For Shonda has not only shattered the glass ceiling, she is showing it does not exist. Shonda is showing us that the glass ceiling only exists when we buy into the concept of being defined by someone else other than ourselves. Showing us that when we are true to ourselves and go for our dreams earnestly and purposefully regardless of the labels others may try to impose on us, we can do anything we want to do.
Scandal Season 4 premieres tonight. It has been a long time in coming and I am more than excited about seeing my #Olitz on the screen, finding their way back to each other. Can you hear the harps playing in the background? I know Antwan, shattering your dream of your #Mellie but we won't go there in my flow of Scandal. I know to many the whole on-again off again #Olitz forbidden love grates on you, sorry it is the cornerstone of the show. The pure genius of Shondaland  for showing us there is no right or wrong, black or white. It is this love that divides and brings us back to Scandal over and over again. And it does because Shonda and the fabulous writing crew of Scandal know that deep down inside we all want to believe in love. We all have fallen deeply in love and want to capture that feeling over and over again. We want to know that love is available to us all - particularly passionate love- love that knows no bounds.
Can't wait to see what Scandal brings this year especially now that my girl Kerry Washington is hamper free - no more large bags and props to conceal what was not meant to be seen nor expressed as Olivia Pope. Even though in her private life it was a joyous experience, it was not an experience, so grateful it was not, to be brought to the silver screen. Can't wait to see how she has transformed both as an actress and as a woman now that she has become more than the Kerry she was before. Now that she has been given the sacred privilege of bringing forth another life to this earth and knowing how it changes us women in ways uinimagined before.
I have never watched Grey's so I can't comment on that show. And I am wrestling with watching How to get Away with Murder because I don't want to get addicted to another show as I have with Scandal. Obsessed is really what I am with Scandal and I fear Shonda and her wonderful team of writers will draw me in again with Ms. Viola Davis and the cutie from Orange is the New Black.
Aah well only time will tell, how many more hours before the debut of #Scandal Season 4? And the debut of #TGIT - Grey's Anatomy, SCANDAL and How to Get Away With Murder. I am beyond excited,  so I know Shonda must be ecstatic.
Congrats Ms. Shonda it's your night tonight lady and I am so proud of you. Now write me some juicy scenes with #Olitz please....Namaste :)

You're Looking At Me Like I Live Here

This week marks Dementia week in Bermuda so there are a series of events happening to help raise the awareness of this disease. To help people who may be suffering from it or caring for someone who is suffering from it, to know they are not alone. To help them to understand more of what is happening to them or to their loved ones.
Liz Stewart, the President and founder of the Dementia group, decided to start this organisation after caring for her mother who suffered from dementia and subsequently died the same year but not before Liz realized how hard it was to care for her mother. To experience her mother lose contact with her life and family. I knew Liz's mother, Judith, a vivacious woman full of life so I could understand how difficult it must have been for a daughter to see her mother, a woman she admired, become someone else before her eyes. I also know that the group she formed would be a helpful and empathetic group because it was founded in the name of her mother to provide a touchstone for those going through the varying stages of dementia.
The other evening some of my family and I took advantage of one of this week's offerings, and went to watch a documentary about a woman suffering from dementia. We went because we have some concerns about our dad and we want to understand what could possibly be going on with him.
The documentary was called "You're Looking At Me Like I Live Here And I Don't." An apt title for the documentary because dementia does just that to those affected by it.  The person suffering from dementia  remains in the body of the person they once were but mentally they no longer connect with the body. They become a stranger in their own bodies. Leaving those of us who knew them, looking at the physical body still trying to connect them with the person they once were. The person that used to live in that body but no longer does. Until we realise the person he once was has left that space leaving behind someone else. And that someone else still desires to be cared for and loved. A very challenging space for the person and for the caregiver(s).
In the documentary, it was very sobering to watch a woman who obviously used to be in control of her life by the way she commanded the home she was living in but now had no idea who she was and why she was here. It was also sobering to realise that we could go through this life then get to the end of it and not know who we were or what we had experienced. It was also eye opening to see this woman dressed to the nines appear to be in full control of herself but was a shell of the woman she once was. How we can easily  be fooled by appearances until we communicate with the person and realise something is not right.
I watched the woman wondering around the home trying to find meaning to her life. Trying to connect as well as disconnect with where she found herself and thought how life is meant to be lived in the present moment. To enjoy every single moment that we have where we are because one day we could wake up and be the woman wondering around with no connection to our past.
I thought about how sometimes I project too far into the future. Worrying about what may happen rather than living presently and gratefully in this moment where every second I can remember who I am and why I am where I am is a gift not to be taken for granted.
Dementia affects a staggering 1 in 3 people in the world on varying levels. It is not a sign of aging. It is a disease. A disease that creeps up on us without us really understanding what is happening to us. It is often misdiagnosed because it affects us all in different ways. But some of the most common symptoms are memory loss, paranoia, the desire to isolate from the world and remain at home. And it can start happening to us as young as our 30s which is why in some cases it is misdiagnosed.
It is not a disease to be taken for granted because those who suffer from it can put themselves in danger by not remembering that they put on the kettle to boil water only to burn the house down. Or they many wander from home and not know where to return.
Watching the documentary helped me to understand that sometimes we have to slow down and smell the roses. To enjoy who we are where we are at this present moment because we could wake up one day totally disconnected from the life we were living. Waking up to the reality that people are looking at us like we live here but we don't anymore. And if that day comes, would the life we have been living be the life we would be proud of? Is it the life that was worth rushing around for when we no longer can remember who we were and why we were. And if it isn't when are we going to become who we were meant to become.
"You're Looking at Me Like I Live Here And I Don't" is a sobering reminder that life can change in an instant so it is up to us to live as fully as we can. And to be compassionate to those who lose their ability to connect with the reality of where they are because one day it could be us. Thanks Liz for being brave enough to bring to the forefront a disease that many are ashamed of because you are helping so many of us to understand what is happening to us and to those we love. And for letting us know we are not alone, I am truly grateful.

Autumn

Yet another season has come
Autumn
The mornings are darker
The stars have shifted
And the moon sits
In a different part of the sky
The days shorter
The nights longer
Autumn
Ushering out summer
Today the first day of fall
Leaves are changing
Dancing
Twirling
Putting on a show
As they don their reds
Oranges and yellow
Giving us a burst of color
Before they bid their adieu
Drifting to the ground
Exhausted from displaying their finery
Giving us their last dance
Before returning to the place
From which they have come
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Autumn
Already there is change in the air
As the mornings are darker
The days shorter
Summer giving way to Fall
Fall preparing us
For the desolation of winter
When all goes bare
Fall so beautiful
Perfect time of the year
A time of bursting forth
Of renewing
Of readying ourselves
For the onslaught of winter
But not before the leaves
And nature treat us
To a spectacular display of natural beauty
The beauty that exists for us all
The Autumnal Equinox
For us in the Northern Hemisphere
And the Spring Equinox
For those in the Southern Hemisphere
Occurred for us at 10.29 last night
When the plane of the Earth
Passed the center of the Sun
Allowing our opposite Hemispheres
North and South
To be illuminated equally
Our differences becoming the same
For that brief moment in time
Ushering in Fall for us
Spring for them
Good morning Autumn
So ready for your change
So ready for the cooling
The cooling of the air
The change of season
To let us know
To remind us
Nothing lasts forever
There's a time and place
For everything and everyone
So let's make the most
Of all we have
With gratitude and grace
So we may
Live our lives
Embracing change
Knowing
Whatever we are going through
This too shall pass
As the seasons change
So do we
Welcome Autumn
So grateful to see you again
Namaste

Just because I am #handicap doesn't make me less beautiful

Yesterday I was admiring this beautiful woman seated in a chair. Her face chalky white. Her hair raven. Her eyes like charcoal and a smile that lit up the room. There was something about her that drew me to her - a reticence behind her eyes. A timidness about her soul. I could not quite put my finger on it but there was something that made me stare at her for a long time.
I thought how lucky she is to be so beautiful. I felt somewhat intimidated by her beauty. Small in her presence. And then she stood up. Well reached for her walking stick to help her to get out of the chair, shattering my image of who she was and what she was. I was shocked. Floored to be honest. She reached for a walking stick that had been in plain sight but never in my wildest dreams did I think it was for this beautiful woman seated next to me. I had not seen the stick before because I had not expected for her to have one particularly with a face like hers. I had judged her to be this beautiful woman who surely had the world at her beck and call. So blinded by my perception of her that I did not see the whole of her.
When she finally steadied herself and got her stick so she could stand, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. I had thought she was tall and thin - everything most women dream to be. Only to discover when she was sitting in the chair, her legs were hidden so I could not see that the bulk of her height was in her trunk. Deceiving me of her true height because her legs were very short. So short that she had to almost jump down from the chair to reach the ground, with the assistance of her stick.
She was no taller than my 11 year old and needed her stick to help her to walk. My whole perception of this woman completely shattered by what I thought I was seeing in the mirror only for it to be a total untruth. I chastised myself for being shocked by this woman because I had misjudged her thinking she was so beautiful that she was perfect. Only to decide in my eyes and possibly to most people she was less than beautiful because she was physically challenged. My admiration quickly turning to pity. How arrogant of me to even think like that.
I thought I had evolved beyond such stereotypical behavior - particularly as a black woman who has endured prejudice on many levels - from being a woman to being  black and something in between sometimes. My husband is white so sometimes I am accused of betraying my race so I thought I was nonjudgmental and took people as they come.  Only to be reminded by this young lady yesterday, who though she is physically challenged, is the same beautiful woman I saw in the mirror before seeing her physical limitation. The woman with the chalky white skin, the charcoal eyes and the raven hair. The woman with the smile that light up the room.
Reflecting back, I understood the reticence I saw in her eyes. The timidness of her soul. It was because she is used to being judged and looked at differently when she stands and begins to move. She feels in herself the disappointment we feel when we see she is not perfect. She is not the tall woman she looks like she is when she is seated in a chair.
I talked to my family about this beautiful yet fragile woman when I got home.  Talked about the shame I felt when I realized she was not as I thought she was. At how I really have not evolved as much as I thought I had.
And then I saw this video done by MattyB whose sister is mentally handicapped where he made a rap video about what she goes through every day. Instantly, I knew I was being sent a message to share to those who so happen to come across my blog, prejudice does not just come from the most obvious race or creed. Prejudice comes every single time we judge someone who is different from us. Who may not fit what we perceive to be our ideal. Who does not look like us, think like us, or have the mobility or use of all senses as we do. Who may be physically or mentally challenged.
What I know for sure is each one of us has a place in this world. Each one of us came here to learn, to teach and to share what it feels like to be less than perfect because none of us are. Not one of us is. If we were, we would not be here.
So the next time we see someone who may not be as physically or mentally perfect as we would like them to be whether that may mean race, color or creed or in a wheel chair or supported by walking sticks, we need not judge. We need not pity because we are each beautiful in our own right when we acknowledge we are all here for a reason.
To the beautiful woman with the chalky white skin, the raven hair, the charcoal eyes and the smile that lit up the room, I now see you for the beautiful woman that you truly are, walking stick and all. And for you crossing my path to humble me by challenging me to push aside the stereotypical definition of what beauty means to me, I am truly grateful.
To MattyB for standing up for his sister, bravo.
To Alicia Keys for starting the #weareheremovement  based on the social ecology that "we're all related and need to work in harmony to create a kinder and better world for all."
To all of us, we are all one regardless of where we come from, what we look like and what we believe. With gratitude for our differences so we can understand our similarities. Namaste
Link to MattyB's videohttp://www.quickmeme.com/news/?p=4087
And to @AliciaKeys' movement #wearehere http://weareheremovement.com/#act

Our closet circle is reflective of the energy we project

The energy we bring into the room is the energy we will attract. The person we are on the inside is indicative of the people we will attract. Who we are essentially is reflected in the people we are always with because we become those who we surround ourselves with. As the people we surround ourselves with become us. Our closet circle becomes the mirror of our soul. The key to our essence self.
The energy we most resonate becomes the story of our lives. If we want to change the story of our lives, we have to check in with who we are on the inside. Who we think we are cleverly disguising and doing what we think will make others believe we are one way when on the inside we are another brings more conflict into our lives rather than peace. Our essence self cannot be disguised because it is who we are.
Life give us exactly what we put out despite the persona we may project. There is no disguising from ourselves who we truly are. And who we truly are is reflected in our life experience. If we are ones who love peace and do our best to promote and seek peace, sometimes we will attract those who want to upset our peace into our lives, to test us to see if we really want peace. The reason we attract them is because we sometimes doubt who we are and attract in who we are not. Attract in our doubt.
Until we see the antithesis of who we are, we do not realise it is doubt that is attracting in the opposite energy of who we are.  When we meet our antithesis energy, it is up to us to adjust to become people of peace again. We rid ourselves of our doubting thoughts and in doing so, we rid ourselves of those who are not us. Not by rejecting them outright but by being who we are on the inside which directs us back to our place of peace. Such that when our antithesis self sees we are truly people of peace and we determine they are otherwise, we move away from each other because we no longer relate to each other. Not because of hate. Never with malice but purely because our energy is combustible rather than compatible.
Likewise when we are surrounded by drama all the time, it is because we are inviting the drama into our lives by putting ourselves in the middle of it. Sending out energy to keep it with us. Rather than seeing it is there to show us how not to be. And adjusting our energy so the drama no longer serves us and it moves away.
Life takes us on a myriad of emotions because it is showing us where we are at any given present moment in our lives. Asking us to determine if the place we find ourselves in, both physically and emotionally, is the place we want to remain in. Because in order for us to be one way and know it is the way we want to be, we are sent the opposite of ourselves to show us how we could be if we weren't being who we are at the present moment. Then it is up to us to decide which way we want to go. Bearing in mind that whatever way we choose to go, we will attract more of it into our lives with the energy we put out.
Life has a funny way of balancing us - allowing us to see the opposite of who we are so we can choose who we want to be. Letting us know, we are always in  control of the emotions we bring. We are never in control of the emotions others may bring so it makes no sense fighting something or someone that is beyond our control. When we do, we become them and less of ourselves.
Therefore it is up to us and only us to determine what energy we bring into the room. To determine who we are authentically. Because of the duality of our existence we carry both good and bad, darkness and light within us and it is up to us to decide which way we want to be. Trying our hardest to not judge anyone else for the choices they make and the energy they bring into the room. And respectfully keeping our distance and being with those who bring us the most joy rather than those who steal our joy.
Remembering as much as we can, each of us is responsible for the energy we bring into the room. And our closet circle is reflective of the energy we project.

Nobody's friend

Nobody's friend
Pretends to be
Everyone's friend
But is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Smiles at everyone
Smiles at everything
But smiles at nothing
Or no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend laughs
Laughs the loudest
Out of everyone
But conceals the truth
Behind her laughter
By laughing so loud
To hide her pain
To conceal his truth
That she is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Pretends to care
About everyone's welfare
But could care less
About anyone
But himself
But herself
Nobody's friend
Is the belle of the ball
Dancing the longest
Parties the most
But inside hates to dance
Despises partying
But needs to be invited
To have a seat at the table
In order to control
In order to manipulate
In order to ruin
The fun anyone else
May have
Nobody's friend
Can't allow happiness
To flow
Because happiness eludes her
Is out of his reach
His heart is too cold
Her soul empty
So
Nobody's friend
Stirs the pot
Then hides
Behind the pot
Pretending
They never even knew
There was a pot
And convinces everyone
There is no pot
And everyone believes him
Believes her
Because
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
But is friends with no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend
Hates everything and everyone
Including herself
Himself most of all
And because she does
He pretends
And pretends
Becoming friends with everyone
But friends with no one
Nobody's friend gossips
Talks about everyone
And everything
So no one can see
Just how unhappy
He is with himself
Nobody's friend
Seems to be joyful
On the outside
But on the inside
Is empty
Devoid of any emotion
That benefits anyone
Or anything
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
Because she wants something
From everyone
So he takes
Takes and takes
Like a little parasite
Sucking out the good
In everyone and anyone
She latches onto
Holding on tight
Until there is nothing left
Then moves on to the next
Pretending to be nurturing
Instead she is destructive
The darkness incarnated
Be weary of nobody's friend
The one who pretends
To be friends
With everyone
But is friends
With no one
Not even herself
Not even himself
Nobody's friend

Coming from a place of love

Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity beyond my reach. Struggling to articulate my despair. Making words oh so hard to come by. I am struggling to begin. Struggling to know what to say . My fingertips are uncertain today. Uncertain about what to reveal because there are so many out there that are building a campaign against me. Paranoid, you may say, is where I am right now.
People that I thought I could trust I am finding have two faces. Double agents. Finding out bits of information about me and giving it to people who do not need to know what is happening in my life. Betrayal is a horrible thing because it makes us feel so exposed. So vulnerable. So uncertain about life. About ourselves.
Uncertain because I allowed people into my life that never should have been there from the start but I allowed them in because I always try to see the good in people. Always try to see the light that emanates from others. Looking beyond their faults. Their darkness because I know we all carry the good and bad within us. But what I forget is that  there are those who, though they may have light, are more prone to the darkness because they are so unhappy in themselves.
These people are dangerous because they seek out the weaknesses in others and prey on them. Building campaigns against them subtly because they mask their intentions by pretending they are looking out for the best interests of others when in fact their mission is to destroy others. Bring them down. Take them out of the light because in a warped way they enjoy the process of destroying others.
I am also discovering that these same people don't really want solutions to problems. They just like problems because it gives them something to gossip about. Talk about. Distract away from their own shortcomings by pointing out the shortcomings of others. Because when decisions are made to get rid of the problem, they feign surprise and then start a campaign to destroy the person who made the decision to get rid of the problem. Because deep down inside these people are so messed up. So afraid of being discovered for who they are, that they spend their whole lives wrapped up in drama - baiting others to do their dirty work for them so they can stay above the fray.
Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity is outside of my reach because I am feeling wounded. Wounded from a place deep deep inside because I am suffering from allowing outside influences to influence me rather than trusting my instincts. Trusting the truth that keeps bubbling to the surface of who is real and who is not. Trusting my gut telling me about those who seek to destroy and those who seek to help.
So I am forcing myself to confront what is hampering me. Asking me to explore through my writing what is hampering me. Some words are flowing to me easily while others are coming more slowly because I am trying too hard to understand where I am going rather than just going with the flow. Letting go and letting what is lurking beneath the surface come to the light regardless of who may read my blog. Regardless of what they may say. Remembering this journey is mine and not anyone else's so in order to journey I have to just let my thoughts flow. Not try to understand where it is taking me. Not try to direct its flow. Just let go and do it.
And when I did, the message I finally got is it is so easy to criticize others. To find fault in them. To ridicule them. Mount a campaign against them because we really don't want them to face who we are. It is so easy to bring out the negative in people. Ask them to join campaigns of destruction rather than helping people to improve.
We  have to be so careful that we don't get swept up in the negative energy that lurks beneath the surface. The energy that pretends to be one thing but really is another. Eventually the energy that lurks beneath the surface will come into the light because the light is always stronger than the dark. No truth can be hidden forever. Lies are always exposed for what they are.
And that is why I am so torn today. Torn about what to write,. What to say because I am discovering that there are people right now who are so unhappy with their lives that they make a point of drawing in anyone who may be slightly on the fence to help them to bring down others. While they sit on the sidelines pretending they have no idea what is going on. Orchestrating like the maestros of darkness that they are.
But my message to them and to those who are easily drawn into negativity, remember we reap what we sow. We are never protected from the truth and the light. Eventually all of our shortcomings are exposed. Eventually what we do to others, whether subtly or overtly, will come back to us to show us how we made another feel.
Rather than lurking in the darkness waiting for the next strike, why don't we come out into the light so we can find the sweetness in life and breathe it in. Just breathe it in without any other motive than to just enjoy the freshness of inhaling and the relief of exhaling. That way we will find no need to destroy because we will realise there is enough for all of us when we come from a place of love.

What happens when we see ourselves in our children

What happens when we see ourselves in our children. When they awaken the dragon that has been lying asleep inside of us. The one that has haunted us but we kept it down - hidden in the recesses of our brain. What happens when our children raise the dragon from its sleep and we come face to face with it again through the innocence of our children. When they become the dragon we had carefully put to sleep. Thinking we had ridden ourselves of it but knowing now that unless we deal with it, it begins to breathe fire. consuming us. Consuming them.
What happens when our children become the dragon. Showing us our vulnerabilities, insecurities and hidden aspects of who we are and were. What happens when we come face to face with ourselves through the innocence of our children. When they show us that part of us that no one else knows about except us. What happens when the dragon is awoken? What happens to us and to them?
When happens when it rears its ugly head through our children and our children have no idea they have become us and we have become them. Our two halves blending becoming one. Mighty and strong but yet fragile at the same time because we are too afraid and ashamed to tell our children they are revealing an aspect of who we are. That we have become one. That their behaviour, they are not mature enough to understand, is really our behaviour and not theirs.
What happens when we are teaching our children to be one way when the way they are displaying is the person we once were. The child that did not learn. The child that did not grow. The child that remains waiting for us to meet and take her hand and guide him through the wilderness. How do we get through it together? How do we do so without hurting the other? What happens when the dragon becomes so powerful that it threatens to destroy the relationship we enjoy with our children because we cannot admit to ourselves that our children are displaying our inner most secrets. When they become our inner most secrets and play out what we thought we had hidden. What we thought we had outgrown.
The only way out is to confront ourselves by being honest with our children about how we got to this place. How we came face to face with ourselves through them. How we don't want them to go down the same road as we did. How they have come to show us the way out. The way to amend and reroute the path we once took. To be honest with them and that way we can be honest with ourselves about who we are and were.
It is the woken dragon that teaches us our children are mirrors of who we are. Reflections of our inner most selves such that when we don't heal ourselves, our children become the pain that needs to be healed. The hurt that needs to be addressed and nurtured. And this can only be achieved when we are brave enough to admit that the hurt reflected in their eyes is the hurt we carry deep deep down inside. Allowing us to open our hearts to heal and to love.
That's why we come face to face with our dragons through the innocence of our children because it is then that we truly see what we need to work on to forgive ourselves for not facing our own vulnerabilities. For not addressing our own fears and insecurities. Allowing us to become whole in our own right so that we can be whole for our children and guide them through to the other side. The other side where we both can stand hand in hand watching the dragon we have tamed and let go as it happily flies away releasing us from its fire. Allowing us to move to the next lesson that will come when we are open and honest with our children - some of our greatest teachers on this journey called life.

People who are not afraid of failure

I came across this wonderful quote last week and for some reason I have not explored it until now, "People who are not afraid of failure can go anywhere".
Think about it, People who are not afraid of failure are not worried about what anyone says about them. Not worried about the image they portray because they are not portraying an image, they are living. Are not hampered by the naysayers because they see the naysayers for who they are - dream snatchers and destroyers. Are not restricted by what society believes is the correct way to live and be because they know there is no correct way to live or be - life just is according to where we are in our growth.
People who are not afraid of failure accept that in order to grow, in order explore who they are and who they are not, that they have to challenge themselves. And only themselves. They know they are not competing with anyone else but themselves so what anyone else has to say about their growth has nothing to do with them. They shut out the noise of the world. Close their ears to those who try to bring them down. And they keep forging on. Finding those who share their fearless nature when it comes to failure because they know when they challenge themselves, they will sometimes fail. But what these people understand is there is no such thing as failure - only gateways to what does not suit them. Nudges to move in another direction.
People who aren't afraid of failure would rather keep trying than standing still and just going with the status quo, boring themselves to death. To them remaining with the status quo is failure. Not being brave enough to buck the tide and rise above the rest constitute failure to those who are unafraid to fail. They see opportunity in everything and everyone so they forge ahead no mater what.
People who are not afraid of failure know the only failure is not doing, not starting, not trying. They see failure as a gift. As a means to getting to where they ultimately want to go. Picking themselves up, dusting themselves off and going on despite the mishaps or missteps.
People who are not afraid of failure remain curious about life because they know curiosity keeps them moving. Keeps them going even when they face their greatest challenge. Even when they are terrified, they keep going. They recognise it is the fear that is pushing them to move beyond where they have become complacent.
People who are not afraid to fail can go anywhere, do anything, be anything because they understand they, and only they, hold the key to their success, to their journey. They understand there is no outside challenge or influence that can keep them from their dreams unless they allow them. They know there are no lucky people. Only people who are willing to go where everyone else is afraid to go. Only people who know there are no closed doors, no locked doors - only those we choose to see as impediments, as excuses for why we can't go where we want to go.
So next time, we think we are not capable of achieving or afraid of getting egg on our faces, let's take a page out of the books of those who see failure as a gift and just go for it. The only way people who are not afraid to fail have been able to go anywhere they want is by being unafraid of failure. Unafraid to fall. Unafraid of facing themselves - the only challenge we ever really have to overcome - the challenge of being who we are. Only then can we tap into our essence self. Allowing us to embrace the power of our own being. Liberating us from the bondage of being afraid to fail so we can go anywhere we want, be anything we want. What a wonderful gift to give to ourselves - letting go of the fear of failure and instead seeing it as a gateway to our own success.

Chasing the moonlight

Last night the moon was hiding when I went to bed. Dark night. No light. I searched for it through my normal places. Through my bathroom window. Bedroom windows that face the south to find it nowhere. Sadness at first because I enjoy the moon. Enjoy its light just before I go to sleep. The shadows it casts through my shades. None as I went to bed. Darkness. No shadows. No images. No light.
Then  I woke at 3.30 to find a light shining through my bedroom door shade. Getting up thinking the motion lights had come on only to find the moon high up in the dark sky shining down through my windows. Higher than normal. Lying slightly on its  back. Casting shadows. Images I wanted to see when I went to bed but here they were now. Strange feeling at first because the moon was not where I had anticipated it would be. Not where it normally is when I go to bed nor where it normally is when I wake at that time of the morning. Normally it is shining through my bathroom windows when I awake through the night.
I got up to go to the bathroom. Opened the door and was taken aback by the darkness. The lack of the moon light shining through my windows. Forcing me to turn on the bathroom light rather than rely on the light of the moon. Artificial light in place of the light of the moon. No dancing shadows on my blinds. No light of the moon.
Strange how I have become so attached to the moon and its light shining through my home when I sleep at night. How I have come to expect it to be in places where it was not last night. Only for it to fool me last night and shift its position to the other side of the house. Teaching me the light is always there just not where we expect it to be always but always there nonetheless. That sometimes we have to change our perspective and expectations in order to find the way. To find the light.
That when we expect life to always be a certain way,we will find  ourselves plunged into darkness. And if we continue to live that way, we will never find the light. The light that is always there waiting just for us to find it. Asking us to shift, to be flexible and open. To not be rigid in our thinking. Allowing us to understand that when we are willing to remain open and to adjust the way we live, the way we think, we will find the light. The light that has shifted because its place is no longer where it used to be. As should we.
Letting me know sometimes we have to move on. Move away from that which no longer serves us. No longer fulfills us and in  doing so we will find the light again,. The light that is always there for us. Guiding us to find our way home. To find our truth. To be our truth.
Waking this morning to find the light of the moon still streaming on the opposite side of my home. Reminding me that life is not always meant to be lived exactly the same way. Sometimes we have to be on the opposite side of where we were in order to live our lives to the fullest. In order to bask in the light of the moon. The light that shines for us even on our darkest night.
And as I finish this blog, I could not find the light of the moon. All I could see were the stars illuminating the dark sky from my windows. Casting different shadows. Radiating different light. Making way for the night to become day. For the light of the sun to replace the light of the moon. Letting me know there is a time and place for everything, all when I accept the shifting light of the moon mirrors the shifting light in me.
And then Sally, the cat, wanted to go outside so I opened the door for her and something told me to look up and there was the moon still hanging on. Still lying on its back, high, high up in the sky. almost directly above my home. Explaining why I could not see it through my windows.
Tricky moon, elusive moon, the one I thought I had gone was still there. A puffy cloud to its right and stars, an abundance of stars to its left and above it and I knew somehow the moon was letting me know, its light is always there for me when I am willing to find it. To chase its light and allow it to fill me with hope and love and light. Letting me know in its mysterious way, there is always light when we are willing to adjust the way we view the world. Always. Namaste