Tropical Storm Fay helps me

I am sitting here in the dark. Blinds wide open looking out over the dark calm sky. Thinking about life. My life and where I am going with it. Grateful for so so much even though my circumstances are not exactly ideal, I know I am better off than many.

Instead of beautiful music playing in the background as I write this blog, I am listening to the sound of the generator my husband has hooked up so we can shower and have lights on in the kitchen.  More grateful for that sound than the sound of my meditative music. Showing how perspective changes everything.

Storms have a funny way of clearing out the unnecessary debris. Debris that no longer needs to be with us. They clear the path for rebirth killing off that which no longer serves and allowing room for that which needs to come through.

Unexpected storms, as the one we had yesterday morning in Bermuda,come to remind us that life can change in an instant and if we don't get rid of the debris that we need to be rid off, life willl do it for us. Ripping things out of our hands before we believed we were ready to let them go. And particularly when we step back after they are gone and know they were meant to be gone long ago. When we know certain debris was burdening us rather than helping us. But we were too scared to admit it was time to let go. Too afraid of what others may say or do. Worried about what we would be like after the debris had lifted and we have nothing else to blame for burdening us except ourselves. Giving away our power to those who do not deserve space in our hearts.

So Fay came out of the blue turning the sky a very strange yellow as the stillness of the morning was replaced by the noise of a furious storm. Whipping the trees round like they were paper. Ripping off branches. Uprooting trees that had been through many a storm before. Taking them away because their time had come to end.

Sending us all into a state of shock because we had not anticipated the wrath of Fay. Not believed she was going to be that bad.

In the aftermath as my neighbours all came together so we could dig our way out of the debris that had taken over our shared driveway, I felt something shift inside me. As I picked up avocados making it a game with the neighborhood children I realized the storm had come to mirror the one inside me. To remind me there is a time and place for everything. 

As I looked up at the downed power lines,cable lines and telephones lines cutting me off from the world, I knew without a doubt that Mother Nature had come to shut me off from the world to allow me to really go within. To think about where  I am and where I want to be.

As the children ran off to do something else leaving me on my own, I realised with great certainty it is time for me to shut down. To go within. To reassess what debris needs to go out of my life so I can make room for the next stage of my life. And in order to do this I have to pull back from writing my blog. To stop putting so much of myself out there. To take stock.

So this will be my last blog for a while. I am not sure if I will start up again but for now I am letting it go so I can go within to truly hear what my inner voice is telling me without worrying how to word what I am feeling. Without worrying about who is lurking in the darkness trying to take advantage of my vulnerabilities. Giving myself time to be as vulnerable as I need to be to access the whole truth of who I am without being judged by others.

I would like to thank those who have journeyed with me over the last three years. You know who you are and for you I am eternally grateful. Your undying support encouraged me to go on.

I have learnt a lot through this process of sharing my blog but as Tropical Storm Fay taught me yesterday sometimes we have to listen and take heed of life's warnings. Because when we don't, we open ourselves to forces we need not have in the first place. We expose ourselves to events not needed in our lives. Until we no longer know who we are or what we stand for.

I will continue to write just not publicly. I am grateful for Tropical Storm Fay for taking me by surprise allowing me to know what I have known for a while. Everything has a time and place. There is a season for everything. And the season for the public me is done for now. As I finish the light is rising  in the sky, the birds are chirping and the new day has begun as am I beginning anew. As am I being reborn. So with both a heavy heart and a blissful heart, I bid you all adieu with love and light. Namaste