I am learning so much from my 15 year old son at the moment. He is irritating most times because he has such a nonchalant attitude about everything. But at the same time I am realizing it is his nonchalant attitude that allows him to sail through the day doing what he wants to do, what moves him rather than doing what everyone expects for him to do. He puts no pressure on himself. He just does and is and as a result I very rarely see him flustered. Very really see him panicking about anything. Sure sometimes he forgets everything he needs for the day because he thinks everything is going to just show up and be where it is meant to be and that sends steam rushing out of my head but he does not panic. He just makes do with what he remembers. With what he has.
The other day he had to do a swim meet and my son does not like to compete. He has no desire to prove himself to anyone because he knows who he is and what he wants. So he finds it tedious to have to compete against anyone. In his 15 year old mind which is actually a very evolved mind, there is no need to compete with anyone. In his heart of hearts, he believes the only person he needs to feel good about is himself.
So getting back to the swim meet - on the day of the meet, as we were driving into school, he realized he forgot his goggles, towel and lunch. He only managed to remember his swim trunks because he was wearing them I swear. Did he panic because he didn't have them. Nope. But guess who did? Me! My blood pressure went through the roof as I gripped the steering wheel and gritted my teeth screaming at him while my brain went into overdrive. There was no way that we could turn around and still make it to school in time. There is a window in which driving into school is easy rather than stop and go and that morning I did not want to be in stop and go traffic. My mind all over the place as I tried to figure out where at 7.45 in the morning I was going to be able to get lunch, goggles and a towel in one place so we did not have to turn around and go back home. My son, on the other hand, sat in the back of the car not even worrying,
Well we managed to get everything he needed. Goggles borrowed from someone else who had extras of everything and everyone ended up where we were meant to be. On time and fully equipped. My son went to the meet not even knowing what events he was going to be swimming in but just went with the flow. And you know what at the end of the day, he ended up swimming in 4 events and placing second in each event. This was a child who did not know what events he was in, didn't have the majority of the stuff he needed to get through the events and could care less about where he placed. But at the end of the day everything went according to how it was meant to be. My son nonchalantly telling us how he did when we asked without even being concerned about how he did because he hates to competes.
His place in the meet mattering not to him because he truly takes to heart the only person he has to be better than is the person he was the day before. A great quote I came across this week. A great quote that my son epitomizes. He could care less about what anyone else is doing or where they rank. All he wants is to do what makes him feel good. And because of that attitude, he has a good energy about him because those who know him, knows he judges them not because he is not concerned about what they think about him nor is he concerned about where he is relative to them.
And as a parent I am learning to back off and not put pressure in him to be someone he is not. When I asked him how he felt about the meet, he said he hated it. When I asked him why, he said it's because he just does not like to compete. I have to admit my first reaction was disappointment because he is so noncompetitive. When I think about my son saying he does not like to compete, I panic sometimes that he will not realise his full potential because I know this is a cold, competitive world where everyone is ranked according to their prowess.
But you know what the swim meet taught me about my son, he is always ready to do what he wants to do. He just does not feel the pressure of society to be something he is not. He just does and is. He does not take himself too seriously so he won't die of a heart attack for sure. Everyone else around him may! But he won't and he will take the time to stop and smell the roses along the way because for him the journey is much more important than the destination. For him, life is meant to be lived in the moment according to his wishes not how others perceive.
Teaching me, I have to remember to not force him to be someone other than who he is and let him just continue to be who he is because when he is, he does just fine. Nonchalant, no skin off my back sort of guy who will go through life just fine because he does not feel the need to prove himself to anyone and could care less about his place in society. He just wants to do what he likes to do regardless of where he fits into the expectation of anyone. How liberating is that feeling. So I am learning to let him just be who he is because he is just fine just the way he is. And even better, he enjoys his own company and enjoys life as it comes to him. A page I am learning to take from his book. Because it is true, the only person we need to be better than is the person we were the day before....
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