Life is but a moment

Life is but a moment. A message I received from Tyler Perry this morning. And though I know it was not a personal message, it felt that way to me because his message was meant for me to hear. Short and sweet and drew me in because like him, I am a motherless child. And his message was speaking about the short life his mother lived more in image than in words. But it resonated with me.

Then I opened another message from Brave Girls Club and it said, You have a message. You have a mission. You have a purpose one that is unique to you – one that no one else can live out but you - don’t forget to share it. And what I heard and read was don’t forget to live it. Shaking me out of the pits of darkness.

I needed these messages this morning so I know my angels and guides heard my plea for help. My cry for balance. My desire to release the pent up emotions welling up inside me that were threatening to pull me under. Keep me in that place of darkness that serves no one but darkness itself.

Last night I went to bed harboring resentment. Resentment for the way certain things in my life are unfolding. Resentment because I feel like I am losing my purpose. Losing my voice and giving so much of myself away so that everyone else can find their way. So that everyone else can be happy. So that everyone can be at peace with their demons. And sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of. Sometimes I feel no matter how much I give, it is never enough or when I feel like my time for giving is up, someone or something else creeps in demanding more from me. And because I am a giving person, I sometimes give until I feel depleted. At least this was the story I was telling myself over and over again. Taking me down into a pit of feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like I am drowning while everyone else is swimming, winning and achieving their dreams while my dream seems to be floating off in the distance.

I woke up this morning still filled with resentment. Until I read those posts, those posts that were delivered just for me to see. Tyler Perry reminding me that life is but a moment. A blink in the grand scheme of things. Over before we know it. Before we think it has begun because we are too busy living other people’s lives that we forget to live our own. So busy being what other people want us to be that we forget who we are. So busy giving to others that we forget to give to ourselves.

And then Brave Girls Club reminded me that I have a message. I have a mission. I have a purpose unique to me on this Earth while I am alive in this physical form. Reminding me I asked to come here to do something and until I am brave enough to use my voice, to stand up for who I am, to not give until I am depleted, then I will carry resentment with me always. And it will grow and spread like a cancer until it ravages me and leaves me believing I am a victim rather than the victor I am capable of being.

Because life is but a moment and it is up to me to capture that moment so I can be my message, live out my mission and own my purpose. No one else can do that for me or take it away from me unless I give them permission. Unless I invite them in. Unless I give all of me away before giving to myself. So I am surrendering resentment back to where it belongs and breathing in possibility and faith and hope.  Opening myself up to the All that is waiting just for me.  In gratitude to my angels coming in the guise of Tyler Perry and Brave Girls Club this morning for helping me to rescue myself from drowning in a self-imposed pool of shallow water.

Moving beyond a dream filled with fear

Last night I had one of those prophetic dreams. One of those dreams that stays with you and rattles you. Makes you rethink everything but for some reason I can’t remember the whole dream or the characters involved but what I do remember is the sign that appeared – the sign that is etched in  my memory and it was the sign on a pink background that had the word FEAR etched into it in white letters. There were accompanying words around it. Words to help me through my fear but for some reason those words remained in the dream and are somewhere in the recesses of my brain I’m sure but not anywhere where I can remember them. As a matter of fact. I can’t remember what the dream was trying to tell me but I know it was a sign. An answer to a prayer.

I woke up this morning paralyzed with fear. Afraid to move. Afraid to get out of the comfort of my bed. The security of my room. I wanted to stay in bed believing fear could not touch me there or stop me from doing what I need to do. Even though in my mind I knew it was fear that was keeping me in bed. Telling me to stay where I was. Fooling me into believing where I was was the best place for me because I know it and am comfortable with it.

Eventually I told myself to get out of bed, to try to understand what the dream was trying to tell me. So I reached for my phone. For some reason that was where I was being led. I checked one message on my phone and found this quote that a friend had posted on my Facebook page, “Love can be hard. Love requires you to be kind when you are angry, patient when you feel anxious, compassionate when you judge others, caring when you feel apathetic, trust when you've been wronged, let go when you want to hold on, know that the other person is you, take risks when you're scared, to always see the lesson and never look back once you've decided." (Jackson Kiddard )

Thank you Michelle St. Jane for being my angel today because it was your message that allowed me to get out of bed with vigor. Allowed me to throw back the comforters on my bed, casting aside the false comfort and security I was feeling. allowing me to understand it was that falsehood that was keeping me mired in fear. Opening me to accept in order to move beyond my fears, I have to live each moment and believe in me.

I walked into the bathroom feeling truly heard and with pep in my step. Knowing my guides were on my side helping me and leading me to answers propelling me to know I am good enough for whatever I choose to do. And in doing so I was rewarded even further with these two other words of inspirations waiting just for me,

“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity and do not let expectations hinder my path.”

“Cultivate the discipline to look on the bright side, and refrain from entertaining anxiety-producing scenarios (“There’s no way she’ll date me, I’m too short”) or their subsequent what-ifs (“What if they think my writing is cliché?” “What if the boss is secretly thinking of firing me?”). Because if you don’t think positively, the planets will cheerfully say, “Makes no difference to us,” and reinforce your concerns instead.”

And finally I saw this one that allowed me to breathe and to know no matter what I am okay and will be okay. Fear is just there to remind me to keep going, to keep pushing because when I am feeling it, I am being led to move beyond the falsehoods of comfort and security, “Take the initiative instead of waiting for the other guy to approach you. Your efforts will be justly (and properly) rewarded.”

So angels, guides, and the power of the Divine, I thank you for helping me to see the only one stopping me is me and my false sense of security. Thank you for sending me fear in my dreams that sent me on a quest to work my way through it and get out of bed to see and appreciate the glory in this beautiful moment and day. And to me it is up to me to be me and do what resonates with me. Namaste