Have you ever wanted something so badly that you could taste it and feel it but could not get anywhere near to it? That’s how I am feeling at the moment.
I so want to write. To get my blog started to exercise my demons and innermost desires because I almost feel like writing is my alter ego. It allows me the ability to tap into desires and feelings I did not truly understand or knew even existed. Writing forces me to go beneath the veneer I often project and delve deep into me. Anything that I have suppressed bubbles to the surface and comes bursting through yelling ‘explore me, explore me’. Challenging me. Forcing me to explore. And it feels so good when I do.
Until the demons of self doubt cloud my judgement. Questioning me about my ability to write. Querying who I think I am. And why would anyone want to read what I write. Suppressing my desire and instead making me want my writing to be a success rather than just enjoying the process of writing.
It is during these times that I find that I am trying too hard to come up with topics that are extraordinary. And by doing so I put pressure on myself to think of things that will appease my readers rather than writing what resonates with me.
So today I decided that I would just sit down at the computer and let my creative juices flow and let me write about whatever comes to me. To let my alter ego through rather than my intellectual self and what has happened is amazing. I am just writing. Writing without any inhibitions and I feel free.
So my lesson today is clear. I have to stop trying too hard to be something that I am not and just be and let whatever is meant to happen happen. I also have to trust and not think too much because only then will I feel a sense of accomplishment. A sense of satisfaction. And more importantly a sense of truth.
No comments:
Post a Comment