The only battle we are ever fighting

The only battle we are ever fighting
Is the battle within
There is no battle
Without
Unless within is not sorted out
No one can make us feel anyway
Unless we carry the feeling inside
No one can take anything from us
Unless we give it to them
No one can make us feel inferior
Unless we carry inferiority inside us
No one can belittle us
Unless we feel belittled within
No one can hurt us
Unless we are hurt within
No one can tell us we are
Something else
Other than who we are
Unless we are something else
Within
Unless
We have been pretending
To be something without
That is not us within
The only battle we are ever fighting
Is the battle we allow in
Because we never assessed it from within
Because we never went within
To find out why the without
Hurts us
Belittles us
Takes from us
Makes us feel inferior
Afraid or Scared
Because the only battle
We are every fighting
Is the battle within
The greatest battle we will ever fight
The only battle we can ever win
Is the battle
The battle within

Lesson from the pouring rain

Rain.  Relentless rain. Pouring so hard on my roof, I thought it would come through. All night long. Not letting up. Lighting flashed. Thunder rumbled. More rain. Hard rain. Washing away the residue that need not remain. Flooding places that needed to be cleared out. Showing where the blockages were.

Waking up this morning to yet more rain. Rainy Monday morning. Not a good way to start the week with a gloomy rainy morning. But then when I thought about how I came home on Saturday after doing errands and got out of my car to be greeted by the beautiful gift of nature, I remembered why I needed to be grateful for this rain. Everything in my yard looking so lush. So green. So abundant, I felt so blessed. So privileged to live in such a beautiful and abundant place.
I thought about how I stood for a moment taking in the varying shades of green. The shadows cast by the trees. The light pouring through the leaves. And I was in awe. In awe of the sight before my eyes. Filling me with such appreciation for everything that has happened to allow me to stand in the spot I stood on Saturday. Thinking about all the rain that has come this year to allow everything to be so lush, so abundant, so full. Thinking if there is such a place as utopia, I was standing in it.
I was in such awe that I took pictures of the place I live. Took pictures to remind myself of the magic moment I was experiencing. Of the time when the place I take for granted often because I return to it every day made me realise just how fortunate I am. Just how blessed I am to be able to call this place my home. This place where birds sing just about every day. This place where there is greenery that casts shadows and light filters through the canopy of trees that almost look like rainbows  sometimes. This place where I leave and come back to every single day. And I am glad I did take photos to capture that moment because it was that moment that is shifting my thoughts from doom and gloom about the rain that seems to not want to let up to pure gratitude for it being here.
For it is the rain that has allowed my avocado trees to be fully laden. Has allowed my yard to look like the Garden of Eden. Has given me pause to realise that the downpours we get in life are helping us to grow into the people we asked to come here to be. It also allowed me to not fear the thunder storm last night because I knew it had come to help clear the air as do all storms; even our personal storms.
So I am shifting away from thinking about the gloom of the rain this morning to gratitude for its coming. For without the rain I would not have had the magic moment I had on Saturday. The moment where my life stopped me in my tracks and asked me to see, to really see where I am in my journey. To really appreciate this place I call home. To see the beauty I walk past every day for the first time. Sending chills up and down my spine.
Allowing me to know in this moment, for all types of weather, I am truly grateful because it is the changing weather that allows us to appreciate the sun, the abundance and the peace that comes when the rain, wind and storms are done.
Happy Monday everyone. Here's to another week to make the most of all that comes our way because it is where we asked to be so that we can get to where we are going. Remembering sometimes to stop and appreciate from whence we have come to appreciate the place we are standing. Namaste

Capturing the essence of who we are

Capturing the essence of who we are
Not forgetting why we came
And who we came to be
Capturing the love that exists for us all
The colors we see in the world
The love we feel in our hearts
Life is meant to be lived
To be explored
To be a mystery
So that we are constantly
Renewing
Challenging
Growing
And finding our way
It is not meant to be black and white
And often it will be grey
But some days
We see all
That is meant to be seen
When we give ourselves the space
And time for the fog to clear
Allowing us to see
All the clarity in the world
When we stop

Just stop

And listen

Listen

To the music of our hearts
The rhythm of our beat
The universal song
That connects us all
To the place we all belong
The place from which
All hope springs
The place from which
The harmony of the world rings
The place that says nothing and everything
All at once
The place that is called the beginning and end
The place that we all return to
When we listen to the call
The call of our own Voice
The call that knows when we need to brought back
To the beginning
The call that asks us to surrender

Just surrender

Surrender

To the music of the angels
The angels that are all of us
Capturing the essence of our hearts
When we step out in nature
And see the colors
The bountifulness
Of this world we call Earth
This world that blesses us
And curses us
When we forget to be grateful for all we have
When we remember to be grateful for what we have
When we remember to give thanks
For the trials as well as the triumphs
Because without one
We would not know the other

Capturing the essence of who we are
The heart song
That beats
Without effort
The pulse that connects us all
To the place from which we all came
The place that waits for our return
The place we cannot escape
Because it is our original home
Capturing the essence of our heart song
Is what makes us tick
What makes us who we are
What connects us all
Because we are all
We are all
Which means we are nothing
Because without one
There could be no other

Capturing the essence of who we are
Not forgetting why we came
And who we came to be
Capturing the love that exists for us all
The colors we see in the world
The love we feel in our hearts
Letting us know
Life is meant to be lived
Fully and totally
Life is meant to be lived
Amen

#TGIT - History was definitely made last night

Well. Well. Well. (couldn't resist stealing the phrase of Maleficent) History was definitely made last night on #ABC and #Shondaland because she and her wonderful writers did not disappoint.
From the Grey's fans, the  show was great. Not my show so I  have to trust they know.
And #Scandal, well it was definitely scandalous. The show opening to a whole new world with people together I was hoping would not be together. Throwing the whole beginning into a world completely of their own. Discombobulating those of us seeking the same scenery and people who were always the cornerstone of the Scandal story. Making us question what we were watching.
Soon bringing us back to a place more familiar. A place of double dealing and backstabbing that serves no one but the backstabbers and cheats. It is then that Olivia finds her groove again. Finds she missed what she thought she hated. What she thought she was running from was actually running to her. Forcing her to confront what was important to her when she finds her gladiators scattered. Lost. Brought back together by the one who was the most lost in the Season before - our Quinn. Mourning the death of the one who was the glue of the gladiators - Harrison - may he RIP. Who through his "death" still remained as the glue that brought everyone back together again. Reaching from beyond the grave.
And then the temptation, the lure of being the fixer became too great for Olivia Pope when she was asked to find a solution to a problem.  A problem that was not hers . But a problem that ignited the flame again in her to be the woman she was meant to be - the fixer, the handler. Especially if it meant not completely fixing or handling herself. Death and destruction circling her like vultures to fresh kill but she was too blind to see that she was being pulled back into the world she thought she hated. The world she thought she wanted nothing more to do it.
But the first temptation that came before her pulled her back. Back to the place where her world will be rocked. Showing us the shattered lives of the people she left behind. The people who had not recovered from the wrongdoings and shenanigans that had gone on before.
Shonda taking us on a roller coaster ride as we watched the hurt and the feelings of betrayal of not one but most of the characters on the show. Challenging us to decide if any of them were wrong for the defensive positions they had assumed or if all of them were right. Showing us without lecturing us that life is not easily black and white. Not always that clear. That sometimes the truth resides in the in between. The grey. The ether less understood.
Ending Scandal on a bang with the hope that life will come back to what we remembered it before by reuniting those who were never meant to be separated. Whose hearts and souls are intertwined no matter the distance. No matter the time. When people are meant to be together, they will always be together no matter how hard they try to keep apart. Showing us that sometimes we waste precious time being something what we are not. Being with people who are only showing us how not to be so we can find those who help us to be who we are.
And then the historical #TGIT created by #Shondaland and #ABC came to an end on a high with "How To Get Away with Murder" starring Ms. Viola Davis and her commanding and mesmerizing voice. Her presence filling the entire screen. Her control unbreakable so we falsely believed until Shondaland revealed the fragile and broken aspect we all carry in the character of Viola. Showing us that none of us are perfect. We all have flaws even when our image seems impenetrable. Even when we seem to have it all going on.Underneath there is always a secret. A secret we all carry. A scar never healed.
What a night. A night spent with friends, old and new, brought together to share in the history making night, #TGIT,  that did not disappoint. Bravo Shonda and her writer's room for taking us an emotional roller coaster dropping us off in midair waiting for more. Bravo to ABC for giving Shonda the chance to be the Queen of Thursday nights and for allowing her to hook us one more time. Waiting impatiently for next Thursday to come. What a ride. Can't wait for the next #TGIT. Breathless and counting the days, the hours, the minutes and seconds to be thrust into Shondaland once again.

Can't resist - it's #Scandal night tonight

Okay so I tried. I really did try to stay away from writing anything about #Scandal premiering Season 4 tonight. I started out thinking I could shift my thoughts away from the excitement that the countdown is really over. Finally over and the day has finally come when Olivia Pope and Fitz will once again be main characters in my life. Lighting up my screen! Sizzling in only the way they can. Her pouty mouth. His dreamy stare. When #Olitz will be brought back to life on my screen every Thursday night.
I listened to my normal meditation music. Hearing the voice of angels in the background who normally pull me into the silence of my thoughts. The nothingness that is the all. But this morning that nothingness turned into the faces of my Fitz and Olivia Pope. I know I've got it bad. My husband and children now knowing that Thursday nights are not meant to be messed with while #Scandal is on the air. Even my work colleagues work with me to schedule no dinners on that night, drinks maybe - and you know who you are - thank you. No spoilers Julia just total excitement and anticipation.
So once I came out of my meditation still feeling the strong pull of my Scandal addiction, I thought I would distract myself by attempting to write something more spiritual but #Shondaland kept creeping into my bones, my pores, my everything. My fingers trying to go in one direction on the keyboard but my mind not letting go until I could resist it no longer. Forcing me to abandon my romantic thoughts about whatever else I was trying to write bringing me back to what I was meant to write about - my addiction. My Scandal. Oh so excited, can't you tell!
But even more than that I have to acknowledge the reality that tonight Shonda Rhimes will make history! And I could not be more proud of her right now - a woman, a woman of colour, a woman who does not look like what Hollywood considers to be the ideal Hollywood woman, a woman who some claim to be an angry black woman is breaking every single stereotype there is and taking her place in history tonight. Call her what you like, define her as you may, Shonda Rhimes is completely and utterly shattering the concept of white males owning TV land tonight when she debuts her #TGIT rollout of shows.
Oh happy day for tonight Shonda Rhimes will come waltzing in with not one but three shows taking over the ABC network. Amazing grace - how sweet the sound.  And I could not be any more excited than I am right now because this woman is showing to me, my daughter, her daughters, herself, and to all the other daughters and women out there who have been lured into believing we are meant to sit quietly under the glass ceiling that was put there first by someone who wanted to protect what was his own and feared the new, there is no glass ceiling. For Shonda has not only shattered the glass ceiling, she is showing it does not exist. Shonda is showing us that the glass ceiling only exists when we buy into the concept of being defined by someone else other than ourselves. Showing us that when we are true to ourselves and go for our dreams earnestly and purposefully regardless of the labels others may try to impose on us, we can do anything we want to do.
Scandal Season 4 premieres tonight. It has been a long time in coming and I am more than excited about seeing my #Olitz on the screen, finding their way back to each other. Can you hear the harps playing in the background? I know Antwan, shattering your dream of your #Mellie but we won't go there in my flow of Scandal. I know to many the whole on-again off again #Olitz forbidden love grates on you, sorry it is the cornerstone of the show. The pure genius of Shondaland  for showing us there is no right or wrong, black or white. It is this love that divides and brings us back to Scandal over and over again. And it does because Shonda and the fabulous writing crew of Scandal know that deep down inside we all want to believe in love. We all have fallen deeply in love and want to capture that feeling over and over again. We want to know that love is available to us all - particularly passionate love- love that knows no bounds.
Can't wait to see what Scandal brings this year especially now that my girl Kerry Washington is hamper free - no more large bags and props to conceal what was not meant to be seen nor expressed as Olivia Pope. Even though in her private life it was a joyous experience, it was not an experience, so grateful it was not, to be brought to the silver screen. Can't wait to see how she has transformed both as an actress and as a woman now that she has become more than the Kerry she was before. Now that she has been given the sacred privilege of bringing forth another life to this earth and knowing how it changes us women in ways uinimagined before.
I have never watched Grey's so I can't comment on that show. And I am wrestling with watching How to get Away with Murder because I don't want to get addicted to another show as I have with Scandal. Obsessed is really what I am with Scandal and I fear Shonda and her wonderful team of writers will draw me in again with Ms. Viola Davis and the cutie from Orange is the New Black.
Aah well only time will tell, how many more hours before the debut of #Scandal Season 4? And the debut of #TGIT - Grey's Anatomy, SCANDAL and How to Get Away With Murder. I am beyond excited,  so I know Shonda must be ecstatic.
Congrats Ms. Shonda it's your night tonight lady and I am so proud of you. Now write me some juicy scenes with #Olitz please....Namaste :)

You're Looking At Me Like I Live Here

This week marks Dementia week in Bermuda so there are a series of events happening to help raise the awareness of this disease. To help people who may be suffering from it or caring for someone who is suffering from it, to know they are not alone. To help them to understand more of what is happening to them or to their loved ones.
Liz Stewart, the President and founder of the Dementia group, decided to start this organisation after caring for her mother who suffered from dementia and subsequently died the same year but not before Liz realized how hard it was to care for her mother. To experience her mother lose contact with her life and family. I knew Liz's mother, Judith, a vivacious woman full of life so I could understand how difficult it must have been for a daughter to see her mother, a woman she admired, become someone else before her eyes. I also know that the group she formed would be a helpful and empathetic group because it was founded in the name of her mother to provide a touchstone for those going through the varying stages of dementia.
The other evening some of my family and I took advantage of one of this week's offerings, and went to watch a documentary about a woman suffering from dementia. We went because we have some concerns about our dad and we want to understand what could possibly be going on with him.
The documentary was called "You're Looking At Me Like I Live Here And I Don't." An apt title for the documentary because dementia does just that to those affected by it.  The person suffering from dementia  remains in the body of the person they once were but mentally they no longer connect with the body. They become a stranger in their own bodies. Leaving those of us who knew them, looking at the physical body still trying to connect them with the person they once were. The person that used to live in that body but no longer does. Until we realise the person he once was has left that space leaving behind someone else. And that someone else still desires to be cared for and loved. A very challenging space for the person and for the caregiver(s).
In the documentary, it was very sobering to watch a woman who obviously used to be in control of her life by the way she commanded the home she was living in but now had no idea who she was and why she was here. It was also sobering to realise that we could go through this life then get to the end of it and not know who we were or what we had experienced. It was also eye opening to see this woman dressed to the nines appear to be in full control of herself but was a shell of the woman she once was. How we can easily  be fooled by appearances until we communicate with the person and realise something is not right.
I watched the woman wondering around the home trying to find meaning to her life. Trying to connect as well as disconnect with where she found herself and thought how life is meant to be lived in the present moment. To enjoy every single moment that we have where we are because one day we could wake up and be the woman wondering around with no connection to our past.
I thought about how sometimes I project too far into the future. Worrying about what may happen rather than living presently and gratefully in this moment where every second I can remember who I am and why I am where I am is a gift not to be taken for granted.
Dementia affects a staggering 1 in 3 people in the world on varying levels. It is not a sign of aging. It is a disease. A disease that creeps up on us without us really understanding what is happening to us. It is often misdiagnosed because it affects us all in different ways. But some of the most common symptoms are memory loss, paranoia, the desire to isolate from the world and remain at home. And it can start happening to us as young as our 30s which is why in some cases it is misdiagnosed.
It is not a disease to be taken for granted because those who suffer from it can put themselves in danger by not remembering that they put on the kettle to boil water only to burn the house down. Or they many wander from home and not know where to return.
Watching the documentary helped me to understand that sometimes we have to slow down and smell the roses. To enjoy who we are where we are at this present moment because we could wake up one day totally disconnected from the life we were living. Waking up to the reality that people are looking at us like we live here but we don't anymore. And if that day comes, would the life we have been living be the life we would be proud of? Is it the life that was worth rushing around for when we no longer can remember who we were and why we were. And if it isn't when are we going to become who we were meant to become.
"You're Looking at Me Like I Live Here And I Don't" is a sobering reminder that life can change in an instant so it is up to us to live as fully as we can. And to be compassionate to those who lose their ability to connect with the reality of where they are because one day it could be us. Thanks Liz for being brave enough to bring to the forefront a disease that many are ashamed of because you are helping so many of us to understand what is happening to us and to those we love. And for letting us know we are not alone, I am truly grateful.

Autumn

Yet another season has come
Autumn
The mornings are darker
The stars have shifted
And the moon sits
In a different part of the sky
The days shorter
The nights longer
Autumn
Ushering out summer
Today the first day of fall
Leaves are changing
Dancing
Twirling
Putting on a show
As they don their reds
Oranges and yellow
Giving us a burst of color
Before they bid their adieu
Drifting to the ground
Exhausted from displaying their finery
Giving us their last dance
Before returning to the place
From which they have come
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Autumn
Already there is change in the air
As the mornings are darker
The days shorter
Summer giving way to Fall
Fall preparing us
For the desolation of winter
When all goes bare
Fall so beautiful
Perfect time of the year
A time of bursting forth
Of renewing
Of readying ourselves
For the onslaught of winter
But not before the leaves
And nature treat us
To a spectacular display of natural beauty
The beauty that exists for us all
The Autumnal Equinox
For us in the Northern Hemisphere
And the Spring Equinox
For those in the Southern Hemisphere
Occurred for us at 10.29 last night
When the plane of the Earth
Passed the center of the Sun
Allowing our opposite Hemispheres
North and South
To be illuminated equally
Our differences becoming the same
For that brief moment in time
Ushering in Fall for us
Spring for them
Good morning Autumn
So ready for your change
So ready for the cooling
The cooling of the air
The change of season
To let us know
To remind us
Nothing lasts forever
There's a time and place
For everything and everyone
So let's make the most
Of all we have
With gratitude and grace
So we may
Live our lives
Embracing change
Knowing
Whatever we are going through
This too shall pass
As the seasons change
So do we
Welcome Autumn
So grateful to see you again
Namaste