A wonderful end to summer vacation for my children

 Yesterday marked the end of the summer holiday for my children. Today marks the beginning of a new school year for them. As I have said many times in the past - to every ending there is a beginning and to every beginning there is an ending. Yesterday was a bitter sweet day. The sun came out in its full glory. Enticing us outside. Luring us to explore our beautiful island home as nature gave us the picture perfect day. Showing us Bermuda at her best. 

We decided to go out on our boat because the day was that perfect. The boat we had bought early in the summer but because our paths had taken us on so many different routes, we had not had the opportunity as a family, as the four of us, to go out on our boat together.
And me, being the non water person that I am, I was not that fussed about going out on it any how. But because it was the last day of the summer holiday for our children and nature was calling us outside, I acquiesced and went out with my family. We packed our bags full of goodies to take. Put on our bathing suits, normally a no no for me as well. But yesterday I did not feel normal. I felt daring. Adventurous. Ready to have fun. We had been marooned in for so long with rain that with the sun shining outside, I wanted to be the child that lives deep down inside me. We packed up the car and off we went. On our adventure. Off on our little red boat,  "Slow Roller".

After unpacking all of our stuff on our boat. Loading her up with stuff, we were off. Goofing around with the camera. Taking selfies, usies and photos of the beauty we found as we took a slow ride to wherever destiny saw fit to take us. No plans. No real decisions about where to go until we got out on the water and let Slow Roller go where we felt she needed to go. Lots of others had the same idea because there were loads of boats on the water and everyone seemed to be happy. Up for adventure. Up for exploring our beautiful Island home that looks even more spectacular from the water. Even the turtles wanted to be a part of the action as they seemed curious about all of us in their domain, so they kept popping their little heads above the water. Diving down when we got too close. Too fast for me to take a photo of them. But happy that I had the opportunity to see them. Feelings of gratitude washing over me as we motored happily along in our sturdy family red boat. 

Looking over the bow of the boat out at the expanse of the horizon, with my husband at the helm and my children happily chatting, I thought about how much I have to be grateful for. How could I not when I was surrounded by nature at her best. The colours of the ocean dazzling my eyes - blues almost indescribable, clouds like puffy pillows, clear clear ocean so that we could see the bottom shimmering like jewels. It was one of those days when I let all my inhibitions go and took off my cover up and jumped in the water. Well not exactly jumped. But I got in the water much to the surprise of my family. The woman who does not interfere with the water. Nor does she get wet. And she most certainly does not normally have on a two piece bikini. But yesterday she did. Yesterday I did. Playing in the water pretending I was a mermaid.

And you know what ladies, I think I found the solution to those wretched hot flashes as the water cooled my body temperature and the heat that normally has me feeling flushed. The water gently caressing my every hormone re-balancing them. Wish I had known sooner about this magical and free treatment for those dreaded hot flashes. I found myself feeling like a teenager again as age left me and was replaced by the girl who could rival my 11 year old. Happy is not even enough of a word to describe how I felt when I allowed myself to just let go and to float in the ocean. Closing my eyes and allowing the coolness of the water to bathe me in its love.  No photos though to show me in my glory but memories enough for me to treasure.

By letting go, I showed myself and my children that when we go with the flow of life, when we don't resist the urge to just do it, it's amazing how free we can feel.  how free we are and can be. How fear and apprehension take a back seat to life. To enjoying life. All four of us swimming in the water, frolicking, playing together. Laughing like 4 children rather than 2 parents and 2 children. Nature equalizing us for that short while as we played in its bounty.

As the pictures show we had a wonderful day out on the ocean so much so that even a heron came out to greet us and watched us as we docked the boat. Leaving me feeling so full. So full of all that life has to offer when we remember to slow down and smell the ocean. To be fully present. Not projecting into tomorrow. Nor living in the past. But to just enjoy all that life has to offer us when we remain in the moment rather than focusing on what is out there rather than on what is going on right here, right now in front of us. 

Yesterday was a bittersweet day because it marked the ending of our children's summer vacation  but it was also a day full of joy and surrender and family togetherness. Here's to a beautiful way to end the summer vacation with our children yesterday arming them with lots of memories and love as they start their new school year today with love and light. As they go out today starting anew. Wishing my beautiful children and all the other children starting school today all the best.

Peace comes from within; not without

So many thoughts rushing through me today. So many feelings of guilt duelling with surrender. So many questions about how I could be led down the dark path when all I want in my heart is light.
How is it that I keep crossing paths with those who take absolute joy in taking the pleasure out of those who they see with light in their hearts because they can't find their own light? How is it that I weaken and allow them to sliver into that space that is so small that no one else could see or sense but them. And then once the seduction is over, I regret ever giving them the pleasure of bringing me down.
I always know when they come into my space. These bringers of the darkness. I can feel their tentacles snaking out to me even before they speak. But yet I allow them in in my moments of weakness. In my moments of vulnerability. I feel them swarming around me. But still I let them in.
These people who come in the guise of friends, truthseekers, like they are looking out for me when I know deep down inside from their energy they exude that they are not good. I am aware from a deeper level that they themselves are weak. I understand from my soul center that because they are weak they can smell the weakness of others and prey on that weakness because they thrive on bringing others down to their level because it makes them feel good. Gives them pleasure to know they are not alone. Gives them validation for the dark place they lurk in.The place they cannot get out of because they can't see the light is there for them as well.
So how is it that those of us who seek peace, those of us who try to see the good in every situation, the good in every person, can so easily be pulled into the valley of darkness when all we want is to seek the light. To be in the light. To be the light.
How do we overcome those who constantly come to us trying to find their way in. Trying to bring us down because really they fear our light. They fear our goodness. They fear our compassion and desire to truly be the light bringers into this world. Is it because we become too holy? Become too high and mighty in our own thoughts that we become just as bad as they are but from a different vantage point?
Does the sliver of the dark side creep in when we look down on others and think our path is more righteous then theirs and as result we are pulled down by them to let us see we are no better than them. That we are all struggling in our own way to seek out the light. Is it because we all carry goodness and light, darkness and evil within us at all times. And it only takes one things to tip us into the dark. Or into the light?
Is it because we are becoming such a nation that we can not and do not want to see anyone getting ahead because if they get ahead that means we are being left behind? Have we become that shallow in our way of living that it only takes a shallow act to bring us down. Rather than seeing that when one advances, it makes room for another to rise up.
We all have the ability to see and feel energies. For some it may be easier than it is for others but always what we must do is trust that first feeling we get when we are in the presence of others - even those who pretend to be on our sides because what we learn eventually is when someone tells us he is on our side, there is something gravely wrong. Because in reality there are no sides to be taken. Each one of us has a unique way  of dealing with life and each one of us looks at life from a different perspective. From where we are in our growth. So, in reality, there are no sides. Just different perspectives. And what we also learn eventually is that life is about the energies that come into our space and our ability to read them. Giving us the ability to know every energy that comes into our space is to help us to learn more about who we are and who we are not.
Even when we are drawn into the dark, that dark is teaching us that we must let go of those dark thoughts, let go of the lure and seduction of proving we are right over the person who has wronged us. Instead we must look at the person who has wronged us and thank them for showing us how not to treat another rather than hate them or seek revenge. Because if we pursue them, we become just like them. Lurking in the darkness trying to pretend we are the light.
There is no need to prove our side and more importantly there is no need to prove they are wrong, eventually life has a way of smoothing everything out. Of bringing the darkness into the light without us having to prove anything or to do anything when are coming from a place of light. From a place of love and compassion.
When we are truly light seekers and peace bringers, even when we are lured down the path of darkness, eventually we will find our way back to the light but never by trying to prove we are right. Never by trying to exact revenge on another. No the battle of life does not mean we are fighting with anyone else. That's not the message at all because the only battle we are ever fighting is the battle of self. Of being true to who we are regardless of what others may say or do.
Of living in the light that knows peace comes from within; not without. Peace comes from within. Never without.

When I dare

How is it that when I was a young girl
I used to look across the ocean
And know the world out there
The world I had not seen
Was mine
How did I beleive
I could be anything I wanted to be
When did it happen
How did it happen
That time and people jaded me
Did it begin when death crept in
Banged down my door
And gripped me in its hands
Taking my breath away
Stealing my dreams
When it took the woman
The woman that made me believe
That had me see
That I could be anything
Anything I wanted to be
Not by her intentional exmaple
But by her tortured example
I saw her not do
Not change
Not grow
I saw the fear that often clouded her eyes
That kept her imprisoned where she was
Because she thought there was no other way
Believed there was no other way
She gave me the drive
The drive to be much more than she was
Because she loved me
Loved me unconditionally
And let me be who I was
But then when she left
When death claimed her
Before I was ready
Something died inside of me
And the ocean became too vast
Too scary
Because there was no one cheering me on
No one in my corner anymore
Telling me I coud be whomenever I wanted to be
The world grew much larger
The trials much greater
The dreams no longer pleasurable
The road more beaten up
Until the day I realised
She was not gone
She is still here with me
She is the ocean
She is the beaten up road
She is the path
She is me as I am her
And then the distance and ferocity of the ocean
Paled into insignificance
And I realised I am still the girl
The girl that stood at the shore of the ocean
And looked across it vast expanse
At its seemingly endless horizon
And knew there was a world
A world out there
A world I had never seen
A world waiting for me
To cross that ocean
And be who I was sent here to be
I have crossed that ocean many times now
And seen the world I had never seen
And now know
I am just like the people
I see and have never seen
Because we are all one
Spun from the same cloth
And the ones who make it in life
Are the ones who cross the ocean
The ocean that frightens them
To experience the world on the other side
Letting them know
Letting us know
There is nothing to fear
Nothing at all
Except fear itself
Because we are all capable
All capable
Of crossing the ocean
When we drop the barriers
The barriers we place on ourselves
When we allow ourselves to embrace
To embrace the child
Who remains inside
The child who dreamed and still dreams
That he is capable of being
Whomever she wants to be
Because there is nothing stopping us
From reuniting with the child
The child that believes in miracle
Because he knows without question
That she is the miracle
How wonderful and liberating is it
To know
The only ocean that seperates us
One from the other
Is the ocean we allow to keep us
From what is rightfully ours
Now I understand why I am an Island Girl
Why I grew up on an Island
An Island all on its own
In the middle of the North Atlantic
That's why I was given
A mother who died
Who slipped away into the ocean
Into the beaten up road
Into the path
To allow me to know
To get to the other side
Of pain
Of the ocean
I have to work and not just dream
I have to do and not just hope
In order to meet the world
The world waiting on the other side
The people wating on the other side
The life waiting on the other side
For me to cross over
To be all I am
Who I always have been
And always will be
To know
There is no amount of pain
No amount of disappointment
That can keep me from being who I am
Unless I allow them to stop me
Imprison me
Unless I forget
Inspite of it all
I have crossed the ocean
Many times before
And will many times more
Because there is nothing that seperates us
From our dreams
Except us
Us alone
Because I am still that little girl
Standing at the edge of the ocean
This time knowing
What I have to do
To get to the other side
Is to embrace confidence
And work through fear
And believe
Just believe
I can
When I dare

Learning to confront the duality that resides within us all

Sometimes we are put in positions that we least expect when we least expect them. And when we are, it is up to us to show up as our authentic selves even when those around us are trying to provoke or invoke the dark side that we all carry.
Sometimes we are placed in positions where we have to confront the dark, the duality that resides within us all. Not to be incited to hate. But to be sympathetic and compassionate as well as accept the situation for what it is. To know that we can't always hide from what we don't like. To know that what we don't like is actually asking us to dig deep within ourselves to find why we don't like it. To find why it creates an emotional response to it, honour that response and then let it go.
Sometimes we are placed in positions we thought we had overcome. Only to find the situation will not leave us. It keeps coming back over and over again. To try us. To test us. And in some cases, to jeer us it seems. And when we find ourselves in these situations, it is usually because we are lending too much energy to the situation. Giving too much of ourselves to something that does not deserve the energy it takes.
As time goes on and we mature through forgiveness, we realise those situations thrive on drama rather than on love. So it is up to us to meet those situations with love and compassion and acceptance. To know and see the duality that exists within us all. Such that when we find ourselves in these situations, we must approach them from a place of love and compassion. A place that does not allow us to take on the drama of the aggressor, the attacker or the one who wants to win. Because we recognise in every situation each one of us loses a little something in order to gain. And as such there really are no outright winners or losers in anything particularly if we are trying to grow ourselves and become more compassionate and accepting people.
Sometimes when we are confronted by that which we dread, I believe it is the Universe telling us unless we let it go, unless we accept the situation for what it is, we will continue to attract it into our lives. Into our minds. Into our heads. Whereas if we are truly ready to let the situation go, surrender it back to where it came from and accept that some situations are not meant to be understood totally but are sent to help us to learn more about what we can and cannot tolerate, even when there is pain, we will find healing. And we will remain our authentic selves even when others are trying to bring us down. Even when they are fighting with us because we realise it is not us they are fighting. They are fighting themselves.
What I am learning is until each one of us is in touch with our true selves, we can never know peace contentment or joy. There will always be situations that test us and try to bring out our dark sides but when we are true to who we are, those situations will not hurt us. They most definitely will test us to see where we are in our journey. But if we show up as we truly are, as our authentic selves, we will see the trying situations as the lessons they really are and grow from them. Rather than shrink from them. Or worse, becoming them.
What I am also learning is at the end of the day love conquers all. In order to be able to give love, we have to start with loving ourselves. And the only way that can happen is for us to be authentically who we are and live from that place even when situations show up to taunt us. Only then are we opening ourselves to learn to confront the duality that resides within us all from a place of love, compassion and understanding.

Don't wait until you feel confident

I came across this fabulous quote from #Working Women and it said, "Don't wait until you feel confident enough before you act or you might wait forever. Confidence is the gift you receive after you have done the scary thing."
Boy do I wish someone would have told me this a long time ago. Maybe then I would not have missed out on some of the opportunities that have come and gone. Opportunities I watched slip through my fingers because I was too afraid I would fail. Too afraid I was not ready. Ashamed that I lacked the confidence to be who I was. To challenge myself to be more.
Had someone explained to me the only way I can grow myself is to just do it regardless of the outcome then maybe my life would have been a little more colorful than it is right now. But I sure am glad to have found this quote because it is challenging me to challenge myself.
The challenge to do what frightens me so that I can gain confidence and not wait for confidence to come while everyone else around me is moving on. Sometimes we are fed the line that only with experience can we get ahead. But I now know this is far from the truth. If we stand still where we have mastered whatever it is we are doing,  we can never gain experience and therefore never gain the confidence to be more. to experience more because the only way we can achieve either is to keep going. To keep colouring outside the lines. To move beyond the confinement of our minds. to move beyond our comfort zones even in the face of adversity.
Keep going even on those days when it feels like nothing is going our way and we are so afraid that we want to hide. Those are the days when we are being asked to go. To move forward. To not wait to feel confident enough because we are never confident enough until we try. Until we take the first step.
And now that I am a mother, I try to encourage my children to go for it by offering them the opportunity to try whatever it is they are interested in to see if they are capable of receiving the gift of confidence when they have been scared but kept going. When they walk into new situations where they know no one, where they have never been before and end up paving their own way without anyone holding their hand. Without anyone telling them what to do and how to do it. That way they are prepared for life's mishaps and missteps. That way they will know there is a big wide world out there and the only way they will know they can is if they try.
I think back to the day I met a man, a crotchety old man who I interviewed with while I worked for a man who did not believe in promoting women and this old man told me that one day I could be running the operation if I came to work for his company. My answer at that time because I had been beaten down so much was I did not have the experience. To which he responded, "Young lady, no one is experienced until they have done the job. Don't ever tell anyone you lack experience because no one is experienced really." This wonderful quote from Working Women could not have come at a better time because it is a reminder to me to not let the naysayers get in my head. To not let them make me believe that I am not good enough. Because I now understand that being good enough equates to confidence in self to do what scares me.
Here's to doing what scares me in order to receive the gift of confidence. After all I have watched my son and daughter this summer push themselves in new places with new people and come out the other side full of confidence and triumph. A lesson I gave to them and they gave back to me. What could be more wonderful than that. Giving and receiving at the same time. Parent and child at the same time. Each of us growing the other when we realise confidence only comes from trying and learning. Not from waiting. Not from standing still and hoping. It comes from doing that which scares us.

It was three years ago that I gave birth to my voice

Today is a very special day for me. A day of pride and grace. A day of gratitude and love.  For it is on this day 3 years ago that I began writing this blog. My blog journalling my journey of love and light through this rich tapestry in the name of my life. It is this blog that gets me up in the morning now. That sets my tone for the day. My intention for the day.
When I first began writing my blog, I was terrified to associate myself with it because I was so worried about what people would think about what I write. So afraid to merge my personal life with my business life. So afraid to allow the writer woman within me and the business woman on the outside of me to be revealed as one in the same because I believed the two should remain separate in order for my writing to be authentic. Only to realise as I have grown with my blog, without bringing all of me in to my writing and being afraid to see where it goes, my writing can not be authentic.
So as time has gone by, I have slowly but surely grown more confident in my writing. More confident in what I have to say. More confident in using my life experiences as muses for my writing and in doing so I have grown. My writing has grown. And I am learning with each blog that I write that in order for my writing to flow I have to let go. I have to write what comes to me from that well of abundance that gives me the voice that I need when I sit down to write.
That by allowing my voice to flow unfiltered, I write something that is so beautiful and so natural that I surprise myself when I step away from it and reread it later. I am sometimes surprised that the words came from me. But the more I write, the more I realise, it is not just me writing, it is all of us writing. Because I am writing from that Universal place that we all share. That divine place we all come from. Each one of us has a story to tell. A life to live. A journey we are embarking on. And when we are truthful, honest, nonjudgmental and vulnerable, we realise that each of us is more similar than we are different at our core. Our choices and the way we choose to leave may be very different but at the core we all want the same thing, to  love and to be loved.
With each blog I write I realise more and more that life becomes much richer when I share my divine blessings. Because when I share them in the words of Oprah and Deepak Chopra, I open myself to Grace. And by opening myself to Grace, I allow a new reality to enter my very being. Because it is grace that allows me to rise even through my darkest days. It is Grace that holds my hand and my heart and allows the words to flow from that place of vulnerability and love deep deep down in my soul.
As I look outside on this special day for me, this day of celebration for me, the sun is bursting through in the East for the first time this week. Lighting up the morning with its radiant yellow light as if it is affirming my special day. Affirming me. Filling me with light and love because I have known and know Grace. Because I have allowed Grace to fill me so much that I want to share it with anyone who wishes to journey with me and grow with me each day as I write.
I can't believe three years have gone by since I sat down to write this blog. This blog that allowed me to tap into my Grace because it emerged during a time when I felt I had no voice. When I had been cast out into the world quite unexpectedly by a job that no longer wanted me. And it was sitting and writing this blog that allowed me to find my voice. To honour my vulnerability and not see it as an adversary but rather to see it as a necessary companion to allow me to see the good in all things and people. To celebrate the blessings that I have in my life even when I feel I don't. I am learning that blessings are always there. Always waiting for me when I recognise every breath I take comes from a state of Grace.
I am grateful to everyone who follows my blog, has followed my blog and will follow it to come because you have helped and continue to help to grow me as well. The comments that you make lift me sometimes more than you will ever know. And even when there are no comments, I know you are there with me in silence. Thank you everyone for journeying with me as I navigate through the light and dark, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad times because you are helping me as much as I am helping me and you "to learn from yesterday, live for today and to hope for tomorrow" as so wisely said by Albert Einstein.
Happy 3rd anniversary to my baby, my blog. No longer hiding behind an image, I now have a face to it - my face as I have embodied my whole being to write as authentically as I can. It was three years ago that I gave birth to my voice and I have watched it grow with amazement and abundance. And what I know for sure is there is no limit to where it can go unless I limit it myself.
Here's to wherever my blog is leading me with gratitude and grace, love and light....Namaste.

It's none of my business what you think of me

As many of those who are close to me and even those not so close to me know by now, I am a huge fan of Kerry Washington so I watch everything about her. And last night I watched her interview at the #BlogHer '14 convention and realized even more just how phenomenal this woman is. Not because she is perfect but because she is so authentic and so true to who she is that she radiates truth and light. Some of what she said in this interview - the link below so you can watch this amazing woman - caused me to write this ode.

"It's none of my business what you think of me"
No truer words could be spoken from the mouth of Kerry Washington.
What follows is in my words inspired by the wisdom of Kerry Washington

It's none of my business
What you think of me
I am here to be
Who I came here to be
Not who you want me to be
When you cast stones at me
You are casting stones at yourself
Not at me
Your comments used to stick
Your barbs used to get under my skin
But now I know if you're throwing stones at me
It's because you wish you were me
I don't need you to confirm or affirm my work
To affirm or confirm me
That confirmation
That affirmation
Can only come from me
Deep deep down within me
Only from me
When I am unashamed to acknowledge
I am Woman
With a capital W
A Phenomenal woman
In the words spoken by the late great Dr. Maya Angelou
I am a woman who has been through so much
Endured so so much
And still I have come out
With my back erect
My spine strong
My head high
My posture tall
My spirit unbroken
Many a dark day has come my way
And sometimes I have felt and will feel lost
But what I know for sure
As a woman over 50 is
I have no one to prove anything to
Nothing to do to prove who I am
No one can make me feel whole
Except me
And only me
When you shun me
Or try to belittle me
Or talk about me behind my back
I know more than ever
It is because you love something about me
That makes you hate yourself
Not me
Your hate has nothing to do with me
Your rejection has nothing to do with me
But everything to do with yourself
Neither of us is perfect
If we were
We would not be here
We would be in the holy land
The sacred land
Where only perfection  resides
Thank you Kerry Washington for all you do
For showing me
By being you
That we are all complicated
As women
As people for that matter
None of us has the right to judge or condemn another
Because each one of us has done something
Or will do something
That we are not proud of
We are all doing the best we can
From our own level of awareness
Just because your awareness level may be different from mine
And mine from yours
When we remember it is our differences
That make us unique
Shapes who we are
Then we all understand
What you say about me
Has nothing to do with me
It is a reflection of who you are
And what you stand for
Because as I said before
And I will say again
It's none of my business
What you think of me
I am here to be the woman
I asked to come here to be
Not who you want me to be
Never who you want me to be
Because
I am uniquely me
As you are uniquely you
Namaste

Link to the Interview with Kerry Washington:

http://youtu.be/Kvo1pkGtP9k