There is a natural beauty to our world

There is a natural beauty to our world

Coloured by our eyes, hearts and souls

We see what we reflect

We reflect what we see

How we are on the inside

Determines what colours our world

On the outside

There is a natural beauty to our world

Determined by who we are

Where we are

And what we feel

There is a natural beauty to our world

Coloured by the love we carry

The sentiments we express

The joy we carry deep down in our hearts

There is a natural beauty to our world

From the smallest things we see and do

To the grandest things we see and do

And most of them are present 

All the time

Just hidden behind the veils of our trials

Obscured from our vision

By our own closed eyes, hearts and souls

There is a natural beauty to our world

That is there

Right here for us to enjoy

But only when we surrender

Surrender to the essence of who we are

And what we are here to do

Are we able to see and enjoy

This abundance of natural beauty

That surrounds us each and every day

There is a natural beauty waiting just for us

Every single day

When we awaken

Awaken to live another day

To live another second

Another minute

Whatever is left for us to enjoy

The natural beauty

The small things

The grand things

The things in between

The wonders of nature

Like the colourful wings of a butterfly

Fluttering by

Like the redness of the Poinciana tree

Signifying to us summer has come

Like the sounds of the birds chirping

Letting us know daylight has come

Like the song of the leaves

Rustling in the breeze

Like the sound of silence

The silence that lets us know

Life goes on

Even when we don’t think so

Even when we doubt

There is a natural beauty to our existence

That comes from a place

A place deep deep within

I love 

When 

I feel it

See it

Touch it

Smell it

The natural beauty 

That is waiting

Waiting 

Just for me

Waiting 

Just for you

Waiting 

Just for us

Because it is there

Every single day

When we awaken

To face another day

Even in the ugly

There is beauty

The beauty of awakening

To the reality of where we are

Right here

Right now

Accepting

There is a natural beauty

To our existence

To our world

Every single day

In every single way

Namaste

Stay over there

Conflicting thoughts

Conflicting feelings

Which way to turn to

Which way to turn from

Who do I trust

Who do I let go

Why do people taunt

When they need to just go

Why do people lie

When all we want is the truth

Why do people have two faces

A smiling face

And a tortured face

Why do they keep coming

With their two faces

When all I want is peace

When all I want is love

When all I want is surrender

Why am I judged

When I judge not

Why are people pushing, shoving and cajoling

Instead of letting go

Why don’t they just surrender to their corner

The corner they put themselves in

The corner they asked for

But I guess

They didn’t think they would get

Why are people so manipulative

Constantly scheming to get their way

But when their way turns out 

Not to be what they expected

They think they can flip the tables

And everything will be okay

Sometimes they push too far

So there is no turning back

Never can be

Sometimes trust is broken so badly

That it can never be repaired

The door can never be reopened

So why won’t they get

The tides have turned

Life has moved on

And they are not a part of the new life

Their day has come and gone

Conflicting feelings

Conflicting thoughts

Never wanting to hurt anyone

But at the same time wanting to protect what is mine

Leave well enough alone

How many times can those words be spoken

Until they are heard

Truly heard

When will people get that life has moved on

There is no need to hurt

No need to humiliate

Just acceptance of the fact 

There is no turning back

There is no repairing the damage that has been done

When trust is broken

It is very difficult to go back

To the way things were

Things are as they are

And that is the new way of being

When they have to accept

They are forgiven

But not forgotten

That their words struck a cord

A cord that says caution

Beware

Stay over there

With love, honour and respect

Don’t cross the line

The line they helped to draw in the sand

That line that can only be erased

If it is meant to be

With time

Not by force

So clear now

So glad I write

So grateful I can experience my thoughts

My conflicting emotions

My desire not to hurt

Through words rather than actions

To know it is not time

Not time to cross the line

The line they helped to draw in the sand

The line that never would have been 

If it had not been drawn by them

But as Maya Angelou so aptly said in two quotes,

“When someone shows you who they are 

The first time

Believe them”

Believe them is so true

I am believing and not going back

At least not yet

And the other,

“People may not remember what you did 

Or what you said

But they will always remember 

How you made them feel”

No better words could be spoken 

To remind

Sometimes it’s better to leave things as they are

To be silent

To allow time to heal

If there is any healing to be done

Without force

Without manipulation

Without coercion

Stay over there

With love and light

No malice intended

Just stay over there

Giving myself the gift of time and rest

Giving myself the gift of time and rest is something I rarely do but when I do I feel both guilt and relief at the same time. Guilt because I feel I could be doing so much more. Relief because my body feels at peace and grateful that it has time to do nothing.

I am on vacation this week with my daughter as I decided after dropping our son off, we could just hang together and enjoy each other’s company. We just arrived home yesterday after an action pack few days in lovely Boston and we are both exhausted. There was so much that we managed to accomplish when we were in Boston that I decided to just be for the rest of this week.

This morning I rolled over at 5 am looked at the clock then decided I would go back to sleep for a while.
That while turned into 3 and a half hours later explaining my late blog today. I felt a twinge of guilt about that too but soon got over it because I write this blog for me first. To talk about where I am first and foremost. I should not be pressuring myself to meet deadlines. To meet anyone’s expectations because if I start doing that then my blog loses its authenticity and becomes something other than where and who I am.

So for those wondering where I was this morning. Here I am now. Feeling refreshed and ready to start this new day in whatever way I deem fit and at the moment it’s to be rather insular. Those who know me well will feel good that I did rest rather than going at a million miles per second all the time.

It feels so good to have no plans. Nothing on the agenda except rest. Except just being. Listening to beautiful music. Listening to my thoughts. My daughter and I enjoying some much deserved down time rather than rushing all over the place at once. How wonderful and liberating is that. 

And then as if my angels were speaking to me, my quote of the day says, “I begin the day by reminding myself that Life supports me and wants me to be fulfilled and happy”. I felt so much lighter and so much more deserving of this time because I felt my angels were shining down on me. Affirming that I have permission to just be. To laze about today if I so desire with no intrusions or interruptions from anyone unless I allow them in.

So the next few days I am claiming as purposeful days of me time with my husband and daughter  and anyone else I wish to include in my circle. It is not a selfish action but a self-affirming action that I am embarking on for the next few days. Sometimes it is okay to be where I am and love where I am without having to seek anything or anyone. So that’s my plan.

I am claiming this gift of time and rest with a huge smile on my face. Acknowledging the guilt that will undoubtedly wash over me from time to time but not letting it weigh me down as I become one with the gift of time and rest I am bestowing upon myself. So if my blogs are late over the next few days you know why because I have no plans for anything. I am surrendering to the nothingness that is the all of my existence as it is yours. As it is for all of us.  Namaste and enjoy your day today too. I deserve it as do you.

On the run a gift to my daughter

You know it is amazing to see how music can unite people from all different walks of life. People  whose paths may not have otherwise crossed. People who come together for one common reason to listen to good music and to watch a great performance. And what a treat it is to be a part of something as amazing as a great show as it was last night for my daughter and me when we had the opportunity to see the On the Run concert by Beyoncé and Jay Z at the Gillette Stadium in Boston.

From the moment they hit the stage it was all go. Taking away the angst of having to sit in traffic for over 2.5 hours to get to the stadium. Erasing any memory of having to jump out of the car and race to the stadium in just enough time to pick up our tickets. Getting to our seats and finding we were in the best seats for us with a full on view of the stage. 

What an amazing feeling it must be as a husband and wife to know they can fill a stadium and have the entire crowd on their feet from start to finish. What could be more validating than that.

Just before we got to Boston my daughter said one of her bucket list items would be to see a Beyonce concert. And so when I discovered we were in Boston at the same time as the concert I did what I could to get us tickets. And the tickets ended up being better than I expected. Not right up front so it was too much for my daughter but close enough that we could see the action. And she could appreciate the show without being intimidated by the whole thing.

And close enough to the stage and the passageway that when Beyoncé and JayZ ran between stages we could literally touch them. To see the look of glee on my daughter's face when one of her idols came so close to her is a memory I will always cherish as I am sure so shall she. To be able to give such a gift to my daughter meant as much to me as seeing the show probably meant to her.

I want my daughter and my son to know when they work hard enough, nothing on their bucket lost is out of reach. Everything is available to them and possible for them if they put their minds to it and do what they need to do. So I surprised my daughter with the tickets and she was so full of joy and appreciation she was overwhelmed at first because she never thought I would take her to a Beyoncé concert.

Beyoncé is one of my daughter's idols because of how great of a performer she is. How driven she is. How she knew she wanted to perform from the moment she was born it seems and my daughter has similar aspirations. She also admires how Beyoncé has managed to keep herself away from drugs, is married to a man equally as powerful and as influential as she is, a mother and more importantly is a woman who sees nothing out of her reach. Sees what she wants and goes for it regardless of the naysayers and haters. And because my daughter wants to be in the Performing Arts I want to expose her to as many aspects of that dream as my husband and I possibly can so she can see what her niche is and how she may navigate her way through achieving that dream. Or to even determine if that is her dream.  We do the same for our son as well. Opening their eyes to possibility is what I consider to be one of the greatest gifts my husband and I can ever give to our children. Because by doing so they can then determine if their dreams are truly for them or if they are not. And the earlier they are exposed the better. Because it gives them more time to figure out who they are by experience rather than us lecturing them about life. Why not let them experience it for themselves with us by their side during their formative years.

So last night's concert did not fail in any way. The crowd was so diversified from ethnicity, creed, age, culture and everyone was totally enjoying the performance by Beyoncé and JayZ. But for me it was delivering a bucket list item to my daughter and letting her come close enough to one of her idols with me by her side so she will always know I and her papa are always looking out for her and her brother's best interest and to know if they want their dreams to come true they have to go for it rather than sitting and watching someone else do it.

A user friendly IPhone keypad for 50+ers

Well my tablet got the dreaded blue screen just before we left to fly to Boston. So I have to resort to writing my blog on my IPhone rather than a keyboard. Doing so requires me to have the patience of Job because my thoughts come faster than my fingers can get the correct letters on my this little wretched onscreen keyboard.

Are there any employees at Apple over 50? I honestly don't think there are because if there were they would know to make the letters much larger on the keyboard. Actually they would know the whole damn keyboard had to be larger so it would not take me all day to type what normally takes me a few seconds on a more reasonably sized keyboard. 

Do I sound frustrated? I sure hope so because I am. Inner peace is definitely eluding me at the moment for all those who think I am at peace all the time. No I am not because I am human and recognize I have to know turmoil in order to know peace. And right now turmoil is reigning. Not peace!

Okay now that I have vented a bit, I am seeing the funny side of my situation as well. I am cracking up about the words autocorrect comes up with when I am trying to say something else. And at the same time this whole auto correct thing is helping me to understand how easy it is for us to say one thing and mean another. To express a thought thinking we mean one thing while another interprets what we say from a completely different perspective as does auto correct with what I am typing. I should have left in some of the gems autocorrect came up with. But then again if I did the whole meaning of my blog would be lost. So slowly but surely I plod on. One letter at a time using only my index finger!

I am also understanding something about life. We are so busy anticipating what the person we are communicating with is going to say that we go to auto pilot and finish their thoughts before they even get them out. Often missing out on the salient details we needed to hear in order to understand where the person is truly coming from.

Conversations take on whole new meanings when we are totally present in them without jumping ahead. When we hear but don't listen. Without interjecting our own thoughts. When we truly listen we discover so much more about what others are thinking and how they are feeling.

Now I am getting really frustrated with this whole autocorrect because it is changing my words to make them sound like gibberish. And so I am having to slow down and read what I am typing so I can understand my own flow which is so frustrating because I am so used to the sound of a keyboard.  So used to it responding back to me through my fingertips, but still I have so much to be grateful for because of this little wretched keyboard I am still able post my blog even if if takes me ten times longer . At least I am doing it. Realizing perseverance pays off in the face of obstacles. One letter. One finger at a time in my case right now.

Now will someone at Apple come up with a user friendly keyboard phone for people over 50!!!! We aren't all technology dinosaurs - the majority if us just can't see as well as we used to.

Okay my hand is cramping now so I am taking it as a sign to stop. No namaste today okay Judy!

Letting my son go reluctantly

Morning from Boston, Massachusetts. What a glorious Monday morning it is as I sit at the picture window in my hotel looking out over the city as the sun becomes brighter and brighter. High up over the city as if I am sitting on top of the world. Not a cloud in the sky. Light everywhere reflecting off buildings sending hues of light and shadows everywhere. Flags fluttering in the breeze. What a lovely morning.

It is a bittersweet morning for me as I wonder how my son is doing. The son, my daughter and I dropped off at Harvard University yesterday for a two week game programming summer camp hosted by the Digital Media Academy. My brave son who when we got him to his residence and found out his roommate, he had yet to meet, was not there, asked us to leave. At first I was offended he would even suggest we leave without me knowing who he was going to be rooming with. Shocked that he wanted rid of us so soon. So I hung around for a while until I realized how serious he was that he wanted us to leave. His are you seriously still here expressions telling me to leave without saying a word.

My daughter said it was because he knew I would ask his roommates lots of questions about who he was and where he was from. She said he probably thought I was going to take over when he wanted to do it himself. The more I thought about it, the more I thought she was probably right. He is 15 now and much bigger than me so he probably did want to establish himself on his own without me being the overbearing mother wanting everything to be perfect for my children. 

I swallowed my pride and as hard as it was for me to walk away without knowing who my son's roommate is, I did. I came to the conclusion that for the next two weeks he is on his own and I will not be there to solve his problems as he will have to do so on his own. So I walked away. Kissing my son and wishing him well. 

I have to admit I did hang out for a bit in the lobby seriously thinking about  whether I should watch every person that came to register to see which one was my son's new roommate but then I thought it best to leave so I would not be taken for being a crazy stalker. So after stalling for a few, with wishes of peace, good energy and a fun time, my daughter and I walked out of the lobby of the residence hand and hand as my son sat in his room waiting for his roommate to arrive.

I sent my son a text last night to see how he was getting on. To see if he likes his new roommate. To find out how orientation and dinner went. No response much to my chagrin. I thought about calling the school to see how everything was going but then remembered it was my son who wanted to cut ties early so he could establish himself so I decided to leave well enough alone. Thinking instead I should be proud of my son's independence and how it would behoove me to let it go. Let him go. Accepting it is what it is so I did but this morning when I woke up he was on my mind as I looked out over the city. The city that still sleeps with its light, buildings, flags,helicopters and birds sending him good chi and thinking of the stories he will have to tell when we reunite in two weeks,

At least we parted after a great time together. A good dinner and watching the wonderful production, Brothers of the Knight, that even he, my cynical 15 year old, totally enjoyed. So I am sending him love and light on his new adventure and surrendering him to his own experience. Even still I can't wait to see him again and it would be nice to get a text back from him at some stage. But if I don't hopefully that means he is doing well.

I am so grateful to be able to give my children these opportunities. Opportunities to test themselves beyond their comfort zones with people they have never met. To allow them to flex their wings and see no matter where they go, there they always are. And that people are all the same no matter where we come from. Can't wait to see my son again in two weeks time,

Happy Monday everyone from beautiful sunny Boston. Off on adventures with my daughter today just the two of us having girl time. There is always good in every bad and a beginning in every ending. So I tell myself as I hope my son is doing well with the thought no news is good news, right?

Another school year done

Another school year done. Another summer begun. Can’t believe how time is growing my children. Shaping them to be such beautiful and caring young people. I look in their eyes sometimes and wonder how time has hastened so much since the day they were born. How life seems to have slown for me but yet it hasn't because my babies are now grown. Both so independent, so assured, so grown.

Another school year done. Thinking back to when they entered the year they just completed and all they have done. My son now the tallest in the house. A man child determined to continue to be his own person. Determined to be who he is. Not worrying about what anyone else is doing. Just being who he is. Sometimes I wish I could get in his head and unlock the mysteries swirling through his brain. But I know I can’t and I have to let go because he has to learn in order to continue to grow. He has to explore to know what suits him and what doesn’t. And more importantly he doesn’t need me to tell him who he is or what he needs to do. He just needs me and his papa to guide him when he gets lost. If he gets lost – our cautious perfectionist son.

Thinking back to the year when my daughter entered the year she just completed in school about all she has done in that year. About how she and I are like mother daughter friends – the best relationship I could have asked for in a daughter. So assured, so loving, so beautiful and so caring. I know there is a chance our relationship will change when she becomes an adolescent but for now I am enjoying the bond we share. Sometimes I forget she is my daughter when she becomes like my girlfriend and we chat about life. Laugh about life. The relationship I had with my mother while she was alive, I now share with my daughter bringing tears to my eyes.

I marvel at my children. At how different they are; yet how they are the same. Both loving. Both caring. Both determined to be who they are. Not marching to the beat of anyone else but to the beat that is their own. I marvel at the bond they share – brother and sister – chatting together, holding secrets together, there for each other no matter what. I watch how they look out for each other. Go to each other in times of need or even to just touch base. I love seeing them together – my son and my daughter – my first born who will always hold a special place in my heart – my son and my last born – who will always hold a special place in my heart – my daughter. My son and daughter who will always hold a special place in each other’s hearts.

Another school year done. An ending giving way for another summer that has begun. Doors opening for my children to go through and explore more of who they are and whether what they think they want to do is really what makes their souls sing, their spirits soar and their whole beings vibrate. Remembering always all my husband and I are here to do is provide them with guidance, a sense of purpose and to give them as much love as we can. Then letting them go. Surrendering them to the world that will become their own. Leaving it up to them to find their centers and go out into the world as they are meant to be.  To find their purpose and to be it. Allowing them to follow their hearts and to be as happy as they can be.

So grateful to be a mother. To watch another school year end and to witness yet another summer begun with children that are growing, maturing and reaching for the stars. Another school year ended. Another summer just begun. The cycle of life right before my eyes as as I watch my first born and my last born blossom, branch out and grow right before my eyes. Love.