A purposeful walk

Yesterday I did it and I am so proud of myself! Thanks to the circle of women who surrounded me in spirit and cheered me on. Who claimed my story as their own. My story where I exposed my vulnerable self who is ashamed of her body. Who was too full of ego to hit the streets and walk. Too fearful to go out into nature because I was afraid of being outed for the weight I have gained.

In putting my story out there, so many women came forward and said they feel the same way and they are so proud of me for validating their feelings as well. Telling me. Teaching me. Showing me  that when we are honest about where we are in life. When we are brave enough to speak our truth. What we end doing is speaking the truth of many who are on the same journey. What we do is validate each other. Letting us know we are not alone.

So I say thank you to my sisters from wherever you are for cheering me on. For giving me the power of the Universal sisterhood to don my exercise clothes and go out into the world yesterday - excess weight and all - and just do it.

And I have to tell you, it was painful at first. I had to do a lot of inner talking to hear your voices. To embrace your voices. To take the first step. And when I did, I started slowly and with lots of trepidation. Hoping I would not see too many people I knew. Not on my first day. And the journey was tough. All uphill so my legs were burning but I kept going, slower than I had anticipated to ease the burn in my legs.

I was also overwhelmed and surprised by the heat of the morning. Thinking it is November right so how can it be so hot. So humid.  I wasn't sure if it was my hot flashes or if it was just the heat of the blazing sun, burning through the thick heavy black exercise long pants I had on. Making me question why I had chosen to wear those thick pants in the first place. Particularly when I saw the true exercisers strutting by in their light weight gear. 

But once I made it to the beach, I was so thankful for walking. So grateful for getting up off my behind and getting out in nature. As I neared the beach, I could hear the sound of the ocean calling my name. Taking away some of the pain I was feeling. Even before I could see it, I could the rhythm of the ocean deep down in my soul. Soothing my nerves. Relaxing me.

And then as I got to the beach, I saw the power behind each wave. The water almost milky from the ferocity of the waves. The beach almost nonexistent in some parts because of the high tide and the large waves. Each wave crashing then retreating. Making me realize just how powerful the ocean can be as I watched it reclaiming the sand it had brought there before. Washing it back out with it as if it were reminding me that we are only here temporarily. Brought here for a purpose and it is up to us each day to be grateful for the purpose we came here for. To live our lives until we find that purpose. Then we must embrace it with all of our might. Because just like the ocean was reclaiming the sand it had brought with it; so too. will we be reclaimed one day by the Divine. To go back to the place from whence we have come. And on that day , we will either be happy for the lives we have led or sad we never did what we thought we were here to do.

I walked along the beach and up the next hill,which was just as steep as the one before, and felt pure joy in my heart for walking. For pushing aside my shame. For hearing the voices of my sisters supporting me, telling me I could do it and I did. I walked with purpose after that. With the purpose of being grateful for being given another day to take one step at a time toward the life I am meant to be living. Building on each experience with gratitude.

Knowing sometimes I will experience pain and hurt but if I keep moving, keep going and not stop, the pain will subside and life will show me the way. Clear a path for me as my walk showed me yesterday. With gratitude. Namaste.

Overcoming my image issues

November already! 11 months into the Year and it feels like it just began for me some days and other days I feel like it has been a long year.

As I reflect back over 2013 it has been a year of a lot of endings and beginnings. Revelations and eye opening experiences where I have had to make some major decisions to protect myself, my family and my dignity. To be a role model to myself and to my family as well as to others to help us to see how possible it is to make decisions whether they turn out good or bad but to just keep going even when life does not give us the sweet lemons to make the juiciest lemonade.

To know that sometimes the lemons will be bitter in order for us to learn to turn that bitter into something sweet.

My own lesson for this morning as I woke up with the call of nature ringing in my ears. Willing me to come outside. But all I could think about was my weight and how I am embarrassed to put on exercise clothes and walk the streets. Ego stamping out the light side of my being. Shame. Humiliation and fear taking over the possibility that existed for me in a morning walk.

So I sit here this morning flummoxed about why I can’t motivate myself to exercise as I see the layers appearing on my body in places I never knew layers could be. I had put on my exercise clothes to go out into the fresh air but I just could not build up the nerve to do it. All I could think about was how horrible I look in exercise clothes. Beating myself up rather than accepting myself for who I am.

Weight is a reflection of where we are in our lives and as women who are ageing we have to accept that unless we completely deprive ourselves of food that tastes good, we will not have the figure of the girls we were in our twenties.

Writing this is allowing me to change my message. To adjust my thinking to when I look in the mirror to appreciate that  I am seeing a mature woman looking back at me. A woman who has lived, loved and grown. And continues to do so.

Each layer a reflection of the miles around the track of life I have walked, run, avoided.

Reminding myself about the bitter lemons and that it is up to me to turn them into sweet lemonade and to stop wallowing in the fact that they are not as sweet as I would like them to be.

Life need not be about obsessing as we do about our physical state unless it is a serious impediment to our health and well-being. Instead life is about exercising our mind and spirits to make sure the person we are taking out into the world is one filled with love and light. One that can counter the negative energy that surrounds us - always trying to pull us down into the darkness. As is this obsession of mine about weight making me want to hide from the world rather than being out in nature smelling the fresh air and looking at the trees.

Tomorrow morning I am telling myself will be my day when I take myself out into the morning air and let the beauty of nature embrace me regardless of what I look like just as long as I am full of gratitude for being me. Accepting I am where I am meant to be, look as I am meant to look at this time in my life and who I am meant to be.

Turning those bitter lemons into sweet lemonade is totally up to me and me alone. Namaste

Accepting the power of the Universe

Yesterday was one of those days that was off the charts. A day of beginning and endings. Of hand overs and hand offs. A day of openings and closings. A day of renewal and rejuvenation. A day of possibility so exposed that I felt like I was vibrating with the Universe.

I took the day off from work thinking I would relax but ended up doing several things that felt like I was working but for the better good. Work comes in many different forms. Sometimes we are doing things for the betterment of mankind. For the betterment of our human race. But always we are doing things for the betterment of ourselves and in doing so it translates into the betterment of everyone.

 When we work on ourselves, we work on the Universe. When we give from our hearts, our actions have a ripple effect on the whole entire Universe. When we love, our love radiates out into the world. Making life seem less threatening and opening us to receive more love.

Life is full of opportunities to give and receive. To teach and to learn. To be open to the Universe and to feel its rhythm deep down in our souls. And sometimes when we are at the right vibrational level as I was yesterday, we can feel the actual vibrations that occur every single day – the pulse of the Universe. The rhythm of Mother Earth’s heartbeat.

Connecting to our own. Reconnecting us to the One Source. To the place where all is known. Where we emanate from. Where the spirit permanently resides. And when we do, there is nothing but bliss, harmony and understanding as well as acceptance and love. Allowing us to be. Just be.

When we do, we know from a very deep place, we can face anything, do anything because we accept whatever comes our way is for us to learn or to teach. Life is always pulling us, prodding us. To remember who we are and what we are capable off. Strip us of the protective armour we layer on to shield ourselves from hurt, pain and mistakes. When in fact, it is the hurt and pain and mistakes that lead us to our inner most selves. Our core selves. Our vulnerabilities and sensitivities. Our inner child crying out for attention. The child in all of us that never really becomes jaded by mankind but sees the love and light in everything. And wants us to as well.

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I was on top of the world because I connected so deeply with the resonance of Mother Earth, with the depth of Father God, with the Eternal flow of the Universe. Opening my mind, body and soul to all that is, was and ever will be. Accepting there are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned.

And when I am truly living, truly growing, truly exploring, I will fall flat on my face time and time again. Only to rise up again as a better and stronger person. If I so choose.

Taking away the fear of living and replacing it with a joy of living. Of being in the pulse and vibrating to the heart beat of Mother Earth

Loving that all of this happened because I started the day full of gratitude, love and light. Allowing me to receive them back in turn. Allowing me to receive back the power of the Universe because I accepted the power in me. Namaste.

Gratitude in my heart

This morning I woke up with gratitude in my heart. Gratitude on my mind. Gratitude in my soul. I felt like I was basking in the ray of abundance. That all that I have is all that I must be grateful for. That all that comes my way, no matter whether I feel is good or bad, is to be grateful for because I am being shown either the way to be or the way not to be.

IT seems that there is so much to be grateful for right now. So many blessings that are coming my way and when I stop and think about the journey I have taken thus far and the journey still to come, I feel like I am on the right track deep down in my soul. Even though I feel some confusion about the doors that seem to be opening for me at the moment, I know they are there for a reason. Reasons I must explore and not be afraid to either.

When opportunities present themselves, they usually do so because we have asked for them on a subconscious level and they appear when we get in the practice of expressing gratitude rather than desire. Gratitude opens the door to the Universe because it is the key to our soul. Key to the Divine Spirit because the daily practice of gratitude shifts us out of that place of lack and places us in the well of abundance.

Daily gratitude allows us to accept when things work out the way we had envisioned as well as when they don’t because in both instances we know we are where we are meant to be. That when things don’t work out, it’s because we are not ready for the shift yet and we are being prepared for something else. Something grander than what we first envisioned. Gratitude opens our body, mind and spirit to change. To surrender. To trust. To faith.

This morning I woke up with gratitude in my heart. Gratitude on my mind and gratitude deep down in my soul because I know I am a child of the Divine and I know my life is exactly as it is meant to be right here and right now. In gratitude for waking up this morning.  For feeling the joy in my heart. For knowing I am who I am as I am. Right here. Right now.  

What a wonderful and liberating feeling to feel such fortitude for being me and for being in this place at this present time. Making me think of the old gospel song, I’ve got joy, joy, joy down in my heart…”

Happy Halloween everyone. Be safe and let’s be grateful for whatever comes our way. Think of it as either a trick or treat but meant for us nonetheless.  In gratitude.  Namaste. 

There is a whole world out there

There is a whole world out there 

For all of us to explore

There is a well full of abundance

For all of us to share

There is a call from the voice on high

To bring us together

To awaken us

To call us home

When we listen

When we stop

When we praise all that is

Was and ever will be

When we recognise we are a part of the whole

That life is for each one of us to experience 

The energy of the One Source

There is a place for all of us

Each one of us to shine

But we spend so much time in the darkness

Afraid to come into our own

Afraid to expose our vulnerabilities

And weaknesses

As if we are the only ones to have them

When we all have them

We have become conditioned 

To calling out the worst in each other

The worst in our society

Looking for them

Seeking them

Rather than seeing the good that exists in us all

In everything

And so we create the strife and turmoil that is ever present

Thinking and believing that’s what makes the world tick

What makes us feel alive

When in fact it is that which keeps us down

Mired in the darkness

Blinded

So we cannot see

The horizon

The light

The joy

The peace

Existing for us every single day

There is a place for all of us

Where we can experience joy

Pure joy and bliss

When we open our eyes

When we open our ears

When we stop

When we listen

We will hear

The voice of the Divine

Leading us

Helping us

Guiding us

To this place that resides 

Deep 

Within us all

This place of peace

Of love

Of Happiness

And of pure joy

But only when we surrender

Only when we believe

We are worthy of entering this place

Only when we trust

In the voice of the Divine

Which is our voice

Our innermost voice

Asking us to listen

To take heed

To be present

And stop resisting

We will find this place

We all have and know

Giving us the wings to explore

The whole world out there

Allowing us to see and understand 

The well of abundance

Is plentiful

There is no scarcity

At all

Because

There is always us

And the voice of the Divine

Namaste

Travelling both physically and metaphorically yesterday

Yesterday I travelled all day both metaphorically and physically. I left my hotel in New Orleans early so that I would not get caught up in traffic. Meeting a taxi driver who talked to me about the hardships that are still occurring in New Orleans as a result of Hurricane Katrina some 8 years before. Of how people still have nowhere to go so they have not returned to where they were before. How many of them have struggled and are still struggling to rebuild what they had. And for those who returned how it took them some three years to do so. Paths intersecting to teach me to be grateful for what I have because it can be taken in an instant.

The physical is temporary. The spiritual is forever. Eternal. I knew as soon as I woke up and saw the date that I would be in a sacred space all day because it was my mother’s birthday. And every year when her day comes around, I feel myself reconnect with her spiritually. Letting me know her essence remains within me. Even though physically we will never see each other again in the physical forms we had known, we will always be connected spiritually as she remains in me as I remain in her.

I knew no matter what came my way, I was being watched over by my angel mother because it was the day she entered her physical body to begin her path of becoming my mother. Gathering up her experiences to prepare herself to set the stage for me to enter my physical body some 31 years later in her life. Some 50 years ago in mine.  I felt her with me all day long. So I felt a sense of confidence. A sense of what was to be was going to be so there was no sense worrying about anything.

As we flew through the air last evening on my last leg home from Miami to Bermuda, I looked out the window and saw layers of pillowy clouds- thick, puffy clouds like marshmallows  against a red sun setting sky. Almost like flames of passion streaking through the purity of the clouds. I felt so connected to the Divine. So at peace with my place in life. To know I am a part of creation. Of all that is possible and available abundantly and freely.

To know the energy I give out is the energy I receive. To know life is all about being present. Not doing. Not projecting. Nor expecting. Just being.

 And when we are truly in the presence of ourselves that’s when we hear the voice of angels, the whisper of our meaning, the sweet sound of eternity all wrapped up in the magic of our existence.

This thought drawing me to my  O magazine. Leading me to this most haunting, touching and profound quote Oprah referenced  in her column, What I know for Sure, “Let the power come. Let ecstasy erupt. Allow your heart to expand and overflow with adoration for this magnificent creation and for the love, wisdom, and power that birthed it all. Rapture is needed now - rapture, reverence, and grave.”  Wow.

She ended her column by stating, “Our main job in life is to align with the energy that is the Source of all energies, and to keep our frequency turned to the energy of love….When that is your life’s work, mystery solved - or at least, the mystery no longer mystifies you. It only heightens the rapture, reverence, and grace.”

I felt her words and the quote deep down in my soul almost as if the Divine and my angel mother were giving me clues. Clues to answer the questions that have been plaguing me of late, Is this all there is? When will I step into my own? Am I doing what I am meant to be doing? Letting me know I am always in my own and I am always where I am meant to be as long as I am fully present allowing space for rapture, reverence and grace. Namaste Mama and Oprah with love and light, reverence and grace.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Saturday I received a true blessing and a great lesson from the Universe. I was truly being led and I listened to the call of the Universe and the sound of my inner voice and I took heed. Casting aside all of the negative chatter that was trying to keep me away from the CPCU Conferment Ceremony I was meant to attend.

I arrived in New Orleans on a beautiful and picture perfect Saturday afternoon after a long journey and all I wanted to do was to have some down time. Walk around the city and browse whatever was around so I thought. But my cell phone buzzed and it was the woman who had organised the panel I was going to be speaking on for the Sunday giving me the run down of events that would be starting in about an hour from the time I received her message.

I debated about whether to attend the events or to just relax but every fibre in my being told me to go to the events so I relented. Despite it being a Saturday, I was going to be full on business. No rest for the weary I thought. I showered and dressed within that hour and found myself walking into the conference centre a few minutes early but the hall was packed. At least the front was and everyone who knows me knows I don’t like to sit at the back unless I have to leave. I like to be up front so I can look into the eyes of those who are speaking to me and feel their energy to see if what they are saying is truth or just jargon.

I walked down the packed hall to the front most seat I could find and settled myself in reluctantly and with a resigned attitude that I was there and I was not planning to stay for the duration. The Conference opened with a children’s choir from one of the elementary schools singing the Star Spangled Banner and though it is not my national Anthem, the sound of the children’s voices touched me in a special way. My feelings of resignation started to lift, opening me up to start enjoying the experience I was about to have. Letting me know I was in the place I was supposed to be in. My unease shifting to anticipation.

And then the CPCU organisation did something I had not seen before as I have not been to a Conferment ceremony in many years. The whole feel of the ceremony has shifted to one of celebration and inclusiveness rather than form and drudgery. They selected two new CPCU designees’ stories of what they went through to get their designations. Both stories were touching and each woman though she came from a different perspective basically told the stories of how they turned tragedy and adversity into opportunity and possibility.

Setting the stage wonderfully for the keynote speaker, Chris Gardner, the author of the all inspiring book, The  Pursuit of Happyness and the character behind the man played by Will Smith in the movie of the same title. Chris Gardner blew me away with his talk about and belief in a concept he has coined as “spiritual genetics”.

Chris believes that we are defined not by where we come from or what privileges we have been given but by our belief in self worth, by our belief in ourselves, by our belief that we can be or have anything that we want. And it matters not what background we come from, some of us are just predisposed to make it in this world and make it big.

He showed us the scene from the movie of Will Smith and his son on the basketball court where Will says to his son, “Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you…You can’t do something. Not even me. All right?”  One of the most tear jerking scenes in the movie. Causing a tear to form in my eye as I thought about some of the roadblocks that have been put in my way and the road blocks I have unconsciously put in the way of my own children because of conditioning to believe that I and they have a to be a certain way in order to make it in society when in fact they are already wired to be who they are and all I am here to do is to enable their spiritual genetics to develop in the way it is meant to. As I know all too well from my life.

He further brought this point home when he told us how his mother always used to tell him, “You got a dream…You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go for it. Period.” Reawakening the dreams within me that I have told I cannot achieve. Filling me with great hope and possibility. Sending tingles up and down my spine. 

Once he walked off stage to a standing ovation, the doors opened and in marched a local marching band as balloons fell out the ceiling, princesses and people on stilts came down the hall.  Bringing with them the spirit of New Orleans filling me with promise and life. 

Once all of the hoopla died down and as I was walking out of the hall, I spotted Chris Gardner at the front of the room and contrary to the way I normally am, I turned and walked back to the front to be in the presence of this great man. To honour him in the way he had honoured me that afternoon. I shook his hand and thanked him for helping me to see the light and to reconnect with the spiritual genetics in me.

I even had my photo taken with Chris afterwards because I was so inspired by his words, by his persona, by his spiritual genetics and by the fact that he embraces who he is no matter where he is and does not feel the need to be anything but who he is. Sealing the lesson and blessing that I had been led to exactly where I was meant to be and got it deep down in my soul on a Saturday afternoon in New Orleans.