A week of reflection

This has been a week of reflection. Of endings and beginnings. Of fire and renewal. Of partings and entries. A week of surprises and upsets but at the end of this week and on this Saturday as I reflect, this week has shown me that life is unpredictable, full of trials and tribulations and endings but all to help us to build character, compassion and to learn about the importance of living in the here and now.

It started with my niece entering the Miss Bermuda contest. With all my sister-in-law’s family as well as mine gathering to cheer her on. To see her sweep up the majority of the prizes but not the one she had her eyes set on. But life was showing her that just because you don’t get to your destination, the detour of gaining the other prizes was what she needed more than the title. Disappointment for her but opportunity presenting itself in another way.

On Tuesday lunchtime my husband and I went to the moving up ceremony for our son who just ended his middle years at his school getting ready to enter his senior years. The ceremony was short, sweet and poignant. With part of the ceremony being when their names were called to collect their certificates, their baby picture was shown side by side with their present age photo. Causing many of us to gasp at how quickly time has passed and how much our children have grown. Ending of the middle years. Making way for the beginning of the senior year.

Then on the Tuesday night my brothers and sister and their families along with some of their friends all gathered at my house to celebrate my niece’s victory. An impromptu gathering because my brother and his wife were leaving the next day to go back home to Tennessee. But the gathering ended up better than if we had planned the gathering for weeks. With lots of memories talked about. Lots of beginnings discussed. Showing that sometimes it’s the unplanned that turns into the best plan.

Then on Wednesday of course came the fire, threatening to take away all that we own but was contained before it could take away everything. Yes the fire took away sentimental items that can never be replaced, but it did not take away our family, our love, our togetherness and spirit and neither did it take away our home. We consider ourselves to be the luckiest people in the world because of what could have been but was not. Taking me to my quote of the day that said, “I bless the past with love, take a deep breath, and move gently into the new. “ That’s what the fire has done for me. It has cemented those memories into that deepest recesses of my brain, opening space for me to move into the future with love and gratitude.

My brother and his wife coming to the house before they left to show us support as our yard was still full of firemen and the acrid smell of smoke. They took the photograph of my husband and I standing with the fireman who happened to be my cousin. Their time in Bermuda ending. Their journey back home beginning. Our time with the things in the shed ending and our life without them beginning.

On Thursday my daughter had her prize giving. Marking the end of her time in Year 5. Making way for her to enter her last year of primary school. My husband and I there to watch her take home a prize with pride on her face. Watching her getting ready for next school year to be the amongst the oldest in her primary school.

That evening we went to dinner at Blu to celebrate our children’s end of another school year and to celebrate that we were still together as a family despite the fire. And to celebrate life, renewal, and beginnings. We sat near the window overlooking the harbor. The evening light so magical. Shifting as the sun was setting. Light bouncing off objects almost making things shine bright like diamonds. What a perfect evening we chose to celebrate our endings and beginnings. Watching the majestic sun setting in the west. Casting an image of a 5 sided star on the water. The hues shifting from blue, to red, to orange before the sun slipped below the horizon line. Taking in the beauty of the place we live in. Grateful for seeing before us the ending of the day with such splendor and grace. Allowing us to understand and see endings make way for a new day as the sun slipped away.

On Friday my husband, son and I attended our daughter’s flying up ceremony from Brownies to Guides. Looking at the little ones who were making their pledges to become Brownies and thinking of how quickly time flies by. How it seemed just like yesterday that my daughter was making her Brownie pledge and now she is on her way to becoming a Girl Guide. Jumping the toad stool on her way to Girl Guides.

Life is all about change. About beginnings and endings. About upsets and disappointments. About us learning more and more about ourselves. But also it is about living in the present moment. Being aware of every action we take, every statement we make, every intention we have because we are setting the stage for what is to come and who is to remain in our lives. And for this week of endings and beginnings, upsets and the unexpected, I am truly grateful because I am learning that life moves on regardless of what we are doing and it is up to us to be a part of it, fully present in each moment. Because no two moments are ever the same. With gratitude and reverence, Namaste.

Life is all about how we view it

Just two days ago, my family narrowly escaped a catastrophic event on Tuesday June 26. And as I was walking around our yard, I realized my yard is a clear illustration of how we choose to view our lives. The charred section of the yard versus the rest of our yard. Destruction on one side and abundance and life on the other.

If I turned my back to where the fire occurred and faced my yard on, it looks pristine. Perfect and green. Birds flying around. Butterflies fluttering. Trees blossoming. Flowers blooming. The perfect picture representation of life moving on. Life living. Birth. Beginnings.

But if I turn to face the area of the yard where the fire was, I feel like I am looking at the apocalypse. Burnt out and charred bits and pieces of items that were once whole.  Desolation. Death. Endings. And if I chose to stand and feel sorry for myself by looking at all I have lost rather than turning and facing the abundance and fortune I have based on what was saved. What remains without even being touched by the fire, I could miss out on all that is left. Miss out the gifts and treasures and abundance that still remains.

I could miss out on the lesson that was sent to me and to my family by the power greater than us but is within us at the same time. I could miss seeing that we were being told to not concentrate on the things in life that don’t work out as planned. Not to focus on all that is burned and charred. Not to focus on what we have no control over. Not to focus on lack.

Instead if we turned to face all that is still available to us. All that remains. We will see there is still so much in life to be grateful for. So much in life to live for. That even when things burn and go away, there is always a sense of endings and beginnings. A sense of renewal. That even in our darkest night if we turn away from the loss, we will see there is still the light.

When I look at my yard, I am reminded our lives are lived according to how we view our circumstances. We can either wallow in the sorrow of what we have lost or we can turn to the light and the all we always have. The abundance freely and always available to us when we turn to face it and truly see and appreciate what we have. What we have control over and what is working for us.

When we do our whole perspective changes and we see we have so much in our lives. Much more than what we have lost. So much to live to and to feel blessed for. I am grateful to still have a home. To still have my family. To still have a yard full of life and beginnings. Learning to concentrate on all that I have gained rather than on what I have lost.

And that’s what the Universe was trying to teach me and I could not see it until I almost lost it. And for this lesson in abundance versus lack I am truly grateful.

 

A Fire too close for comfort turns into a blessing

Going to bed last night was a bit nerve wrecking but waking up this morning felt extra special.

You see yesterday started out as any other day. Me feeling possibility abound. Dropping the children off at school. At work going through the day with my Assistant. When my phone rang. My personal phone which I happened to have in my hand. Something I hardly ever do. And it was my husband calling me to tell me our house was on fire but everything was under control.

I had to hold the telephone away from my ear as everything in my office started spinning. My hands shaking.  Did my husband just tell me our house was on fire? Fire.  I could not comprehend what he was telling me. Surely not us. How could our house be on fire I thought? He told me he was at the house and everything w as contained so I didn’t have to panic nor did I need to come home. But my instincts were telling me to go home. To see what was happening.

So I told my Assistant I had to go. Rushed out of the office. As I was driving home I could smell burning in the air from at least a couple of miles away. My heart pounding then. My body in a cold sweat. All I could think about was little Mysty being dead. Suffocated from the smoke and how would I ever be able to tell my daughter her rabbit had been killed in a fire. I pushed the pedal to the floor and drove as quickly as I could. Trying to get home as fast as I could.

As I got to the main road to my house, the road was blocked by a police car. Panic set in even more. Why was the road blocked off by a police car if everything was under control? The smell of the burning even greater. My nerves on edge. I told the policeman it was my house on fire could I please get in. He moved forward and I turned into our road only to find two huge fire trucks blocking the road. The smell of burning that much more acrid. Taking my breath away. I felt like I was in a dream. Like I was having an out of body experience.

I left the car in the middle of the road and ran to my house. In 4 in heels no less. Got to the yard and there were firemen everywhere. A police woman talking to my husband. And thick black smoke billowing out of what looked like everywhere. Not a scene I was expecting to see at all. So I broke down as I got near the steps. My whole body giving in to the unexpected scene I came home to. I started shaking and crying. The police woman holding me. My husband hugging me when she moved away.

I said I had to get Mysty out. Thick smoke was billowing toward her cage. I feared I would find a suffocated little rabbit. The fireman came with me to her house. I called and called her name but she did not come. Panic really setting in then. I climbed into her house and found her crouched in the corner. Shaking but fine. She wouldn’t move when I called. Didn’t move when I walked closer to her. She was so terrified she was glued to the spot. I pulled her out and held her close to me. So relieved to find her okay. I took her into the house and sat with her a while to calm her little racing heart.  Happy she was okay.

I went back out to survey the damage. Relieved the flames were out. Smoke clearing. Our shed that held all of my grateful journal for the last 20 years, Christmas decorations I had had for 20 years, Christmas decorations the children had made in school, photos, the children’s bikes, my husband’s segway and more personal belongings all gone in that instant. History that had been kept as mementos now stripped away. As if the Universe was telling me that part of my past was over in a physical sense, it was time to move on. I was heartbroken that my past had been stripped from me. Heartbroken that my children’s Christmas decorations they had ever made were gone.

But then once I talked to the firemen and they told us had it been five minutes more we would have lost our house, losing those possessions became minor. They got there just in time to catch the fire as it was spreading to the eaves of our home. Had the flames hit the eaves, the fire would have gone to the roof and they would have had to take off the roof. Our home done.

I later discovered that my neighbor was late going to work and it was she who had raised the alarm. Had she been early our home could have been gone. There were so many intervening angels who helped to save our home and our rabbit that I cannot say our grateful I am.

I picked the children up from school so they would not come home to see the burnt out trees, the shed that no longer existed, and the devastation of fire. My son’s bike he had saved up for gone. When I told them, my son said all day long at school he felt like something was wrong. My daughter panicking about Mysty.

When we got home to see the charred trees, the ashes of what remained of our shed, the burst window where the flames were so close to claiming our home, we were all so grateful for being spared. So grateful for the higher power who sent the fire while we were all out of the house and during the day when it could be discovered rather than at night when we were all sleeping and could have been taken.

As my husband went through the rubble left, he pulled out my Christmas angel burnt but still intact, sitting as if she had been guarding us during the fire. But when he held her up for me to see,  she crumbled in his hand as if to say my job is done. As if she was letting us know she had protected us for as long as she could but now her job was done and she was no longer necessary. Sending chills down my spine.

Yes we lost memories that can never be replaced. My son lost his first major purchase. But what we did not lose was each other. Nor did we lose our home. So we are all still shaken by how close we came to a catastrophe but at the same time we are feeling truly blessed and grateful that we are all still here as is our home.

And I am also grateful to know I was shown first hand yesterday how quickly life can change. How each moment we have on this Earth in our present state is a blessing and should not be taken for granted. Because just like how I started the day yesterday thinking all was well. Within an hour I had almost lost it all. But I was spared and so was my family and our home. Now we know we have more work to do here in this physical plane. We were spared for a reason. And it’s time to really start living in the here and now.

And for the blessing of the fire for teaching me to focus on the here and now, I am truly grateful.

The best laid plans go to waste

Sometimes life does not turn out the way we expect. You know the old cliché "the best laid plans go to waste" is so true. What I am realizing more and more each day is that in order to feel good about where I am, I just have to let go of what I thought was so and embrace what is.  And when I do, I feel like I have liberated myself from something I did not even know was holding  me back.

When I acknowledge to myself that there is no perfect way to do anything. There is always the possibility that what I wanted is not really what is meant for me. When I stop resisting what is, that’s when what is meant to be, happens. But it only happens when I stop beating the dead horse. When I stop trying to force the key into the wrong lock. When the key breaks and I am left on the outside of the door rather than inside where all is well.

I find that when I trust and have faith in the Universe that’s when I feel such deep and heartfelt contentment with my life. When I am able to open doors freely. Discovering there was no key needed to open them in the first place. All that was needed was for me to be true to who I am. When I get still and listen to my innermost self I am gifted with a treasure greater than I ever expected. Greater than I ever dreamed possible.

I find that when I striving for something that I know deep down inside does not feel right to me, I struggle. I feel like I am banging my head up against the wall. I feel frustrated with my lack of progress.  So I keep banging my head up against the wall.  Until the wall crumbles. Leaving me standing looking at the mess of the wall. Realizing the outcome was not what I wanted in the first place. That the mess is greater than the wall that was there trying to stop me from going down the path not meant for me.

But when I listen to my inner most thoughts, when I surrender to all that is, I am always given what is best for me.  Best for my growth. Best for my character. Best for my spirit. And when I surrender and accept the locked door or the wall in front of me was placed there as a detour to change my path, there is nothing greater than the joy and satisfaction that come with it. But it only comes when I trust, let go and go with the flow.

And when I show gratitude for even the most perceived mundane gifts that come my way, my joy and satisfaction intensify because I know each one is sent to help me to grow.  When I follow my higher instincts and listen to my heart, I am always in the rhythm of life, the natural flow where there are no locked doors or walls to keep me out of where I am meant to be. Instead I go with my flow which is in turn the flow of the Universe. Allowing me to accept I am where I am meant to be. To embrace what is. Where I am right now. Opening me up to possibility, spirit,the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

In the richness of the Supermoon

Sunday night I stood in the window when I got home from the Miss Bermuda contest mesmerized by the large moon that was sitting right outside my bedroom window. Beckoning me. Calling my name. Asking me to stand in its light. So I did. I stood for quite some time enraptured by the light of this “super moon” as it has been dubbed by many. Feeling like I could touch it. Like I could feel its magic. Its immenseness closer to me than ever. I whispered a prayer to it and to the Universe. And then I went to bed. Full of all that is, was and ever will be.

I woke up yesterday morning a bit later than usual but was drawn to the bathroom window and there was the moon.  As if it was waiting for me. Shining so bright it almost seemed like the sun.  It was a bit lower in the dawn sky than it had been in its night sky. But still holding court as if it was not ready to let go off its might. Despite being  somewhat obscured by the trees,  its light and fullness were not ready to be hidden from my sight. I could feel it still. Haunting. Drawing. Mysterious. Its immenseness once again calling my name. Drawing me in. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Breathing in its might. Its light. Again enraptured by  its pull.

Feeling its energy coursing through me, I thanked the Universe for all that is, was and ever will be once again. And then I opened my eyes and exhaled.

During my meditation I felt the fullness of the moon. The richness of life radiate throughout my whole being. And when I opened my eyes, I felt the presence of life’s balance as I sat between the rising light of the sun on my left eastern side while the moon still clung on in the dawn light on my right western side. Perfectly exemplifying the yin and yang of life. The male female pull. The night giving way to the light. All while I felt solidly anchored in the middle. In the space where all is balanced and right. Where there is always white light. Where all the colours of the world. Of our minds are absorbed into one. White light. Snuffing out any darkness. Any pain. Any fear. All gone. Replaced by the perfection of being in the presence of the white light.

I allowed myself to surrender in that moment. Breathing in the essence of the space between the retiring super moon and the rising morning sun. Accepting the dichotomy of endings and beginnings. Leaving space for me to hear the voice of the Divine telling me to stay rooted and all will be revealed to me. When the time is right.

I could feel my being vibrating in that space of white light. As my mind expanded to see and feel the perfect balance of the world we currently exist in.Illustrated by the night moon holding court in the West as the day light sun rose in the East. Fully feeling the presence of the all knowing, the One Source, the Force greater than us all but is within us all giving me a glimpse into the perfection from which we all emanate.

Filling me to the brim with gratitude, love and white light. Allowing me to wake this morning with its memory still imprinted on my brain. Its essence still flowing through my being. Knowing I am of that light. Of that beginning and of that end. As are you. As are we. As are us all. Namaste super moon. Namaste all that is, was and ever will be. In the richness of the super moon. In the dawning of the morning light. Amen.

Congratulations Echaunti Swan, Bermuda's first Miss Hospitality

This morning I woke up a little later than usual but with good reason, my daughter and I along with my sister and brother and his wife and his wife’s family as well as a host of friends attended the Miss Bermuda contest last night to cheer on our niece, daughter, granddaughter, cousin and friend as she represented the parish of Hamilton Parish.

From the moment she entered the stage, she carried herself like she owned that stage. Her enthusiasm, confidence and that certain “je nais se quoi” that either we have or not exuded from the stage. Capturing our attention each time she walked on.  I am not saying this because she is my niece. I am saying it because my niece has always been confident about who she is. More sure of herself than some who are well into their lives have ever been or ever will be. And she is only in her early twenties! She has a head start in life she is not even aware of yet. The power of confidence mixed with compassion she has is unmatched in its combination and force.

And the reason she is the way she is because she has parents who have encouraged her from the start. Told her she was beautiful. Told her she was smart. That she was the entire package. And never discouraged her from pursuing any of her dreams regardless of whether she fit the role entirely or not. And as a result of this, she has always been able to “lean in” to coin the phrase I now get from Sheryl Sandberg. Echaunti Swan, my niece, is a great role model for young ladies because she puts herself out there all the time.

She does not hide from who she is nor does she allow anyone else to take who she is away from her. She does not lean out. She leans in with the greatest of presence. And when the night ended last night all of her dreams were not fulfilled because she really wanted to win the Miss Bermuda contest. With her saying ,”I was so close”.

In my eyes, she won more than she ever could have with the crown, she won the hearts of the people. And that is something so rare. She walked away with the first Miss Hospitality, Miss Congeniality and First Runner Up in a contest that shows not only that looks matter to a certain extent. But it also showed to be successful young ladies must be able to command the stage, be who they are right here right now and be able to show they are capable of “leaning in”.

I always thought being in a beauty contest was absolute folly until last night when I saw something in my niece that is so lacking in our world right now, the light of possibility and abundance shining through in her eyes. The presence of the Source radiating from every bit of her inner spirit pulling us, drawing us all in. To my niece Echaunti Swan, daughter of my brother Eddie Swan and his wife Lisa Swan, granddaughter to Mrs. Elizabeth Davis, niece of Sharon and Scott, and niece, cousin and friend to many others we know you are about to enter the world stage with so much learnt from your experiences thus far in life culminating in you not getting the top prize last night but in you seeing and believing in who you are and embracing you. Allowing you to open yourself to possibility and grace.

Good luck Echaunti with the rest of your life. You've only just begun.

And more importantly, you have been given a gift from the Universe in taking you so close to what you wanted but not quite giving it to you yet because you are being prepared for something greater. You are being led to exactly where you need to go. To be. To see. And when you see it and be it there will be no stopping you then. And we are all rooting for you.

My well wishes also to the winner of the Miss Bermuda Contest, Miss Smiths Parish, Katherine Arnfield and to all of other contestants who were brave enough to walk the plank as the saying goes. Good luck to you all.

God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves

I had a restless night last night. I find that whenever there is a pivotal full moon approaching as is the one tomorrow night, my brain gets scrambled. Full of thoughts, people, events that are in the deepest recesses of my brain. I see them clearly. Hear them in my dream almost as if I am awake. And then I can’t decide if I am awake or asleep. I wake up in hot sweats. Not just from menopause but from life itself and my thoughts.

So this morning when I woke up or decided I had had enough of being on bed, I got up to the joyful noise of the birds. Their music always makes me smile. Always makes me feel better because it tells me life is moving on and I am still blessed to be a part of it.

But this morning even with the rhythm of life playing out around me, I felt a bit sad and confused by certain actions that people have been taking of late. People who know exactly what they are doing to manipulate in order to become the center of attention regardless of who they hurt along the way. And I know I am big enough to rise above that manipulative behavior from a spiritual level but there is also my human limited and egotistical other half that wants to jump in the ring and fight them. So last night a lot of these scenarios were playing out in my head. Taunting me. Almost as if I was being tempted to sink to the level of the lowest common denominator.

So I meditated. Allowed my brain to quieten. To go to the Source.  I felt the tension easing. My sense of purpose coming back.

Such that when I opened my eyes, I was led to read my daily meditation. Something I normally do after I write my blog. But this morning I was led to it before and once I did, I knew I was being led to the answer from the Divine in the words, “God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”  

A light bulb went off in my head as I understood the why of what has been happening of late. The situations are not to punish me or to demean me. Au contraire, they have been sent by the Divine, The Force that is greater than me that is also within me, to see situations I am not meant to be in. To understand when I refuse to get out of bad situations of my own volition, God, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, or whatever it is we want to call the Force that is greater than us but is also within us, always provides the way for us to see where we are not meant to be and who we are not meant to be with.

When we take too long to make the decision, the decision is made for us and is often not in a pleasant way. And the reason it is so harsh is because we failed to see the signs along the way. Refused to take the path that the One Source had been showing us was the easy one.

But there is no refusing what is and what is not particularly when we throw our hands up and whisper help to the Divine. Because whether we realize it or not, we are always given exactly what we ask for – sometimes not when we want it nor in the form we thought we would get it. And it’s not always the thing that we carry in the forefront of our thoughts. No, it is the intention that is buried deep down inside us that is meant for us. And most often it becomes the thing we say we don’t want because that is the energy we are projecting to the Universe. So that is what we are given.

So when we can’t remove ourselves from situations, when we feel we are stuck and can’t go on, when we set our intentions, consciously or not, that is the vibration we are sending, the energy we are projecting and that’s when, “God does for us what we cannot for do ourselves.” So be careful what we ask for, set our intentions on, because that is exactly what we will get.

Thank you Universe, One Source, Force greater than me that is also within me, for helping me to see the situations troubling me were given to me to do what I could not do on my own. See on my own. Without being shown the truth and the light by the power of the Divine. In the light of the glorious moon last night with the answer arriving on the promise of this new way on this new day. With love and light. I am blessed to see and hear and heed the messages of the One Source. And for this blessing and lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.