It's June 1 everyone

I woke up this morning feeling very light and full of possibility. So much so that I could not go back to sleep. Something was drawing me out of bed. Asking me to get up and look outside. So I got up despite saying I wanted to sleep in in this morning after a long and hard week. But that thought was replaced by this pull that was willing me out of bed.

I decided to follow that voice. That thing to see what it wanted me to see. I opened the bathroom blinds and immediately felt a freshness flow through me as I looked out over our property. The sun was just starting to take over from the night. The grass was glistening from the morning dew. And my whole being tingled in anticipation.

And then I look down and there were two beautiful roses. So full and tight and vibrant and bright. Full of life looking back at me. I could almost smell their scent from where I was. As I inhaled and exhaled the gratitude and peace I felt looking out over all that I already have in my life. I whispered a silent thank you to the Universe for who I am and all I have.

Walking through my quiet house, opening the blinds on all the windows where no one was sleeping allowing the feeling of possibility to flow through my home. Allowing myself to absorb all that is, was and ever will be. Inviting all in to me that I am mean to see, feel and be. Allowing my whole self to expand to all that is.

And then I came into our office, opened the blinds and there in front of me were pillows of white clouds. Like they were telling me no matter how difficult life may seem there is always a place for me to lay my troubles. Always a place for me to cushion against the harshness of life. Always a place where those troubles will be floated away and replaced with something new. I watched as they dissipated and floated away.

I inhaled and exhaled then sat down to meditate allowing the sensations of fullness and gratitude to wash over me even more. Revelling in my feeling of satisfaction. Once I was done, I flipped my calendar for my quote of the day only to find I was flipping to a whole new month. Not just another day. And that’s when I got such a shock.  It is June 1 today everyone. The first day of another new month.  Six months into what seems to me to still be the start of this New Year. But no six months has gone by. What have I done? Am I anywhere nearer to my dream I thought? Where has the time gone? My sense of peace and serenity immediately replaced by angst and worry.

And then I stopped and inhaled again. Slowly and deliberately and listened. And that’s when I heard the call of the dove. The haunting and echoing sound coming every few seconds behind the sound of the chattering and loud songs of the sparrows, chick of the villages. My breathing slowing and my angst gave way to peace again. To the realization that even in angst when we give ourselves time to breathe, we will find peace. Just like I could hear the soothing and haunting call of the dove in the midst of the chatter and sense of urgency from the sparrows and chick of the village.

And then I knew the Universe had willed me out of bed to witness the dawn of a new day, the beginning of a new month, the bursting of roses coming to life, the sound of the sparrows, chick of the village, the call of the doves, and the clouds so I could see that life is happening all around me every single day. And it is up to me to find my place in it with gratitude and love. With gratitude and peace. With gratitude and possibility.

Here’s to another month. The month of June. Six months into the year. Full of gratitude and awe for seeing another month and pleased to accept every day as a gift to be more of who I am. Namaste.

Misty brings a powerful sound of silence into our lives

Yesterday morning we were in such a rush because we were a little late leaving the house. We have a new addition to our family, Misty, our beautiful baby girl grey rabbit. We adopted her from the SPCA as a birthday gift for our baby girl’s 10^th birthday.

I have to admit being very skeptical about bringing a rabbit home because I knew nothing about rabbits except what I read about in the Peter Rabbit books.  But when I went to the SPCA to see what this rabbit was all about that our daughter kept going on about, I was immediately taken in by this little rabbit’s presence. There was something about her I cannot articulate that drew me to her instantly. I sat down and held her in my arms. A connection I cannot explain being reconnected.

I adopted her on the spot but had to wait until the Saturday before allowing my daughter to meet her. Misty was a surprise to her so when we walked into the SPCA on the Saturday, she was devastated to see Misty had been adopted. Not realizing she had been adopted by us for her. So when we asked her if she wanted to hold the rabbit, she said, “But she has already been adopted.” With much pathos I must add.

But we encouraged her to hold Misty and she did. Misty again snuggled in her arms and I could tell my daughter was in love. When I told her Misty was all hers, the expression on her face was priceless. Her eyes welled up and she held Misty that much tighter and kept saying thank you mommy over and over again. The love and appreciation in that animal shelter was so present that I felt like I could touch it.

We brought Misty home where my son and husband were waiting to meet her with the same amount of skepticism I had when I first thought of getting her.  But once they met her, they too were captivated by this gently silent but very expressive little rabbit. And she seemed to take to her new home as if she had been with us all the time. There was no turning back, Misty had captured hearts.

Now before leaving the house in the mornings, we clean out her hutch and make sure she has a run round the porch before she is left on her own. Quality time with Misty is so rewarding because though she speaks no words, I can feel her appreciation coming out of her whole being when we take her into our arms. When we stroke her cheek, she closes her eyes and I swear she purrs like a cat. She is a very affectionate little rabbit and loves to be loved.

Reminding me that even in the rush of life if we could just stop and appreciate the wonders of nature, we would lose all feelings of dread and fear. Instead we would see that everything and everyone has a role to play in this world we live in. When I take Misty out of her cage in the morning, she looks at me like I am the best thing ever. Her little nose twitches. And she gently waits to be touched and patted and stroked. My tension eases out with each stroke I make on her soft, soft fur.

And then I sit with my daughter and watch her hop round the porch. Eating the flowers that fall from the hanging basket. Exploring every facet of the porch and again it is then that I understand the wonders of life. That sometimes we just have to take the time to stop and watch life. Stop and stand to the side so we can see what is right there in front of us.

And that’s what little Misty has done for me. For us. We rush home to make sure she gets her time out of the cage. The neighborhood children come rushing over to see her as well. She is like this little magnet that is drawing people to her. And she doesn't even speak. But yet we all feel she is communicating and connecting with us. Like she is speaking directly to us.  Our little bundle of joy helping us to slow down, stop and enjoy loving her. And in doing so we soothe our own souls.

Allowing met to understand that in silence comes life’s meaning because when we take the time to stop and be fully present in our stillness, we hear the sound of silence. The sound of love. The sound of  life. The sound of  gratitude. Loud and clear. The powerful sound of silence.

Everything happens for us. Not to us.

“We have forgotten in those dark moments that everything happens FOR us instead of TO us. We have forgotten that the only things holding us back in life is not our circumstances, but our beliefs about our circumstances. And when we change the beliefs and take constant and persistent action towards them - we change our lives for GOOD!” Mastin Kipp, the Daily Love

I saw this line the other day in Mastin Kipp’s Blog, The Daily Love, and I just had to steal it because it resonated so much with me. Right now I am involved in several situations where people are being asked to change their beliefs about the circumstances they find themselves in. And it is like beating my head up against the wall. Because everyone is blaming everyone else for the circumstances they are in rather than admitting we all played a part in where we are right now. And instead of blaming, we need to reflect internally and act rather than point fingers at others.

I feel as if many of us have become immune to our own internal voices and instead take great comfort in blaming everyone else for the circumstances we find ourselves in.

If only there was a way that I could have this quote become our internal mantra. Something that whenever I meet someone who believes it is someone outside of them that is causing them the most angst, I could trigger them to remember they have the power to change. To remind them to look inside themselves. To listen to that voice that always knows.  If only I could then we would see a significant shift in mindset and intention and as a result a shift in situations we thought were impossible to change.

If every one of us could wake up in the morning with continuous thoughts of joy, gratitude and abundance rather than scarcity, sadness and fear, we would see there is so much good in our lives. Even on our darkest days, we would see life offers us so much but we are so busy stumbling in the dark that we can’t and won’t see the light.

And we don’t accept that everything no matter how bad that happens in our lives, as Mastin so eloquently stated, happens for us not to us. By that he is saying, and I concur, that when something happens, it happens to help us to grow. To learn. To understand our place in this world. To make us stronger. To make us more compassionate. To be what we were sent here to be.

And sometimes what happens brings us to our knees and in some cases flat out on the ground but when these situations occur, if we take the time to learn from them, we will see they were sent to us to help us rise again. To be even better than we were before.  We will see the gift of even our darkest days when we accept the ups and downs of life. Because we will learn that no matter what circumstances we may find ourselves in, those circumstances were delivered to us especially to free us from the shackles of our own minds.

Remembering always everything that happens in our lives, happens for us and not to us. Shifting our mindset from blaming others to owning every circumstance, situation and encounter as gifts from the Universe to help us to be who we were sent here to be. Imagine what our lives would be like then....

10 years ago today

10 years ago today I was blessed with a little girl who came to balance my family. Who from the moment she decided to enter the world, did so with her eyes wide open. Seeing exactly what it is she wants out of life and going for it. Never allowing fear to stop her from trying anything. Do anything even when she may “fail”, she does not stop. She keeps going until she achieves whatever it is her heart desires. And if in the end, she does not get it, she gets disappointed and may cry but she accepts it was not her time or her place. And she tells herself and us if it is meant for her she will get something better.

My little girl teaches me every single day more about life than I ever would have learnt without her presence in my life and she is only 10 years old today. She is a dynamo. Confident. Beautiful and full of life. I wish I had the nerve and self confidence she has when I was her age. I wish I knew the things she knows at her age. And for that reason, I encourage her to explore her whole self. To try new things to see if they resonate with her. Giving her the capacity to see the world is her oyster and if she so chooses to open the oyster, she will find the pearl made just for her inside.

We expose her to as much as we can so that she alone can uncover her own strengths and weaknesses. Allowing her the skills to go out into the world as a balanced young lady. Not afraid to fail. Instead learning that in failure, she discovers that much more about who she is and who she isn't.

She is charming. Independent during the day but at night still sneaks into our bed and attaches her little body to mine as if we are one again. Reminding me that we are one. She is of me and of my husband. As she is of my son. A combination of us all.

Early this morning, I looked down at her head resting under my chin and I watched her little body rising and falling as she breathed in her sleep and thought about how fast my little girl is growing up. The length of her body about three quarters of mine. Thinking where has the time gone? Where has 10 years gone? And how has she grown so tall?

Realizing she is well on her way to womanhood now that she has entered double digits.  And I know it will only be a matter of time before she won’t be sneaking into our room at night anymore. Only a matter of time before my baby girl no longer needs the comfort and security of curling up to me as she grows from girl to woman. My eyes welling up at the thought of life moving on. Of her moving on.  Snuggling my head into her head of curls. Inhaling her essence self so I won’t forget these special moment when we are joined together as one as we were when she was growing inside me.

I can’t believe that little bundle of joy that flew out of me 8 days early at 12.45 am. Then crawled up my stomach to seek her food and started to nourish herself is now 10 years old today. Balancing our home with equal female energy as male energy. That little girl who captured our hearts right from the beginning is still capturing our hearts today.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl. Ten years old and accepting of her birthright to be a silent warrior who was sent here for a purpose and taking on the mission to discover her life’s purpose all on her own. And we will continue to encourage her along the way. With love and light I, am grateful for being blessed with my little Gemini theatrical wonder. We are blessed as a family. 

10 year ago today I was sent an angel to help me to spread my wings as I help her to spread her own. Namaste my beauty. My angel. My heart. Continue to be who you are with love and grace. She was born on a Thursday and they say Thursday's child is full of grace. And that she is. That she is.

Love is a funny thing

Love is a very funny thing. Exciting when it is new. Making us barely able to breathe because we can’t get enough of the passion and sensation that run through our bodies. At first it is a physical thing. Very surface. And despite the red flags we may feel about the person we have fallen hopelessly in love with, we dismiss them. Store them away. Too infatuated to want to spoil the moment. Because we are too giddy with the physical attraction of love.

Eventually the passion starts to wane. We settle into more of a routine. No longer seeing the physical traits of the person we love. Moving beyond the surface to a deeper more challenging love. At this stage we begin to see the very thing that attracted us to the person in the first place is the very thing that begins to repel us. Starts to grate on us. Irritate us to no end. Until we realize the reason why it does is because it is reflecting back to us the very thing we need to work on.

True love is just that. We attract the person into our lives that has the trait or traits that we need the most. In other words, the person we choose to love and to remain with is the person who is our greatest teacher. They are the ones who will challenge us the most to be the best we can be and also the worse we can be. Because that person gets to see the most intimate facets of who we are. The person behind the façade that goes out into the world.

The person that hurts about certain aspects of life. The person who has phobias about certain things. The vulnerable person only meant for the true love of our lives to see, love and nurture. But in some instances, particularly with puppy love, that love is not sustainable. It is a love that is meant to show us how capable we are of loving. It is to introduce us to love and to heartache. To grow us from being a child into an adult. So when those young loves don’t last, even though we think the world has ended and we will never love again, we will. And what we discover is the next love will take us to an even deeper place within our being. An even deeper place of love than we ever imagined. Because our hearts have been opened to the possibility of love.

Love is a very funny thing. It is not like the fairy tales where everyone rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after. It is more enduring than that if we allow it to grow us. Happily ever after means sometimes getting it wrong. Sometimes realizing we are not ready for the lesson our love brings and walking away. Sometimes feeling like we will never love again. Or wondering why we love.

But at the end of the day, there is no greater feeling than the feeling of love. That feeling that makes us feel invincible. Like we can walk on water. Like nothing is impossible. Like the world was designed just for us. So the question becomes would you rather have loved than never to have loved at all?

I know my answer is I am glad to know love. To have experienced the loves and hurts along the way to arrive at the love of my life, my husband of 21 years, who still challenges me on a daily basis. As I do him. But I know he is my love. As I am his. And I would not trade us for the world. Because love is a very funny thing. A beautiful thing. A love thing that we don’t understand until we allow it fully into our hearts, minds and soul. Expanding the possibility of who we are. Because love colours the world differently. Allowing us to see the beauty and tragedy in everything.

After all we are born of love. Creatures of love. Without it, there would be no us. So how could we not allow ourselves the pleasure and pain of that which grows us -Love. And only love.

@Zach Sobiech - a story of life

My 9 year old daughter came home last week and told me there was an 18 year old boy that died from cancer. Her Art teacher had shown them the video. I flippantly said to her there are lots of children that die from cancer. So what was so special about the boy? She said she didn't know but it was really sad to know he died.

The next morning I sat down at my computer and there was an email from The Upworthiest with a lead line that said, “The World’s Greatest Boyfriend Died at 18 – Then the Internet Made him Immortal.” Of course being the romantic that I am, I opened the link. And as I started watching the story, I realized it was the boy my daughter had been trying to tell me about. A young man called Zach Sobiech.

I didn't have much time to watch the video as I had to get everyone up for school and out the door. But I watched about 17 minutes of it because I could not take my eyes off Zach’s story. How could I with one of his lines being, “You don’t have to find out you’re dying to start living.” That line was among many that sent chills done my spine. And to see how full of life he was and to watch his family though they knew he was dying, try to help him live out his last days as if they were truly his last. Sometimes forgetting that he was in his last days.

The joy that was surrounding Zach and his family was infectious. His story was not just about an 18 year old dying. It was a story about an 18 year old living out his last days as fully as he possibly could and his parents and sisters and brother allowing him to experience his last days as if they were precious. They did so by accepting their son and brother was dying.

Watching his story, I knew this boy was being sent to me and to those of us living on the fringes of life to wake us up to truly live our lives. Not take one moment for granted. I felt as if he was speaking directly to me when he said, “Most people love their lives in the middle. Because it’s safe. But I have to live my life in extreme because I’m dying.”

I skipped to the end because I wanted to see how the story ended only to discover there was no true ending on the video. It was Zach telling his family how much he loved and appreciated them. It was the sound of his voice singing the song he wrote for his girlfriend called Clouds. Words I will forever more here in my head. A haunting song,

I sat down with my 14 year old son yesterday morning so we could watch Zach’s story together.  I wanted him to see that life has to be lived to the fullest. To not take anything for granted. To experience all he can and to know he is loved. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Watching him feel the emotions of the family in the video.

I turned to him when Zach’s mother was talking about how proud she was to have been his mother and said, “I pray I never have to be that mother and have to bury either you or your sister. But if I do, I hope I have the opportunity to do exactly as this family has done. To say goodbye properly to each other. To know the end is coming and to make every moment of each day special. I wish I had something like this of my mother.”

He looked at me and nodded. Neither of us speaking. But fully feeling the impact of my words without the need to speak. Me thinking I wish I had something of my mother so I could remind people she did exist. That she was here. And not a figment of my imagination. So my children could see her and hear her voice. I wish.  It’s a wonderful thing that SoulPancake made this video for Zach and for his family to have forevermore. Immortalising him so people will remember his name. Remember he existed.

And when the story ended my son and I talked and I said, “Zach was a very special boy who came here to remind us all that life is for living. Full out living. Not in the middle where it is safe. But in the extremes so when the time comes for this physical journey to end, we can close our eyes and go to sleep with the words of Zach’s song, Clouds,

“And we’ll go up, up, up 
But I’ll fly a little higher 
We’ll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer 
Up here my dear 
It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now.”

If you have time, watch this video. It is not just a story about an 18 year old dying of cancer. It is a story of family, life, acceptance and love.

www.Upworthy.com

www.SoulPancake.com

Dr. Maya Angelou lesson on forgiveness helped to free me

Last night after a totally beautiful Bermuda day with my family, I sat down when my children and their friends were off playing to watch Oprah and Maya Angelou on an old SuperSoul Sunday. And was I glad I did. Because watching these two powerful, inspiring and enlightened women helped me to come to terms with a lesson I have been grappling with.  A lesson I have been struggling with but did not know if I was dealing with it in the manner I was meant to. And these two ladies helped me to bring some closure to a situation involving forgiveness and broken trust.

I am a person who is willing to forgive. A person who tries to see things from all angles and tries to put myself in the place of whomever it is that is attacking me. Recognizing that often when I am being attacked, the attack is not about me but rather about the person who is attacking. Very easy to see and understand when the person attacking is not someone who was very special to us. Very easy to do when we have no close connection to the attacker.

But when it is someone that was very close to us, it is very hard to just turn our feelings off. It is very hard to just close the door without feeling some pain and hurt having to make that decision. It is on those occasion that we have to dig very deep and go through the pain and hurt and separation in order to accept as Maya Angelou said so eloquently last night, “When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.”

It is not for me or for anyone else to change anyone else. The only person we have control over is ourselves and the way we respond to the attack. And sometimes that means just closing the door. Further enforced for me when Oprah asked Maya Angelou what is one of the greatest  lessons she has learned and Dr. Angelou responded, her mother told her to forgive.

It was then that I realized I was being led to the conversation by the Force greater than me who was leading me to the answer I was seeking.  Particularly when Dr. Angelou said, “I forgive it. I don’t anoint it with anything. I just forgive it.”

Oprah then asked Dr Angelou when you forgive someone,  does not mean you invite them into your house after that?

To which Dr. Angelou responded with conviction, “No not at all. When I forgive you, it means I am done. I am finished with you. Go away. Not go away and harm someone else. I do so because I have to protect myself.”

To which Oprah said, " I have to be willing to take care of me first then I have enough to take care of myself first.”

And that’s when it all clicked for me. I have been thinking that forgiveness means then I open the door again when in fact it does not. Forgiveness means I hold no malice to the person or people who have wronged me and I don’t.  It does not mean I have to open my heart again to allow them in. I just have to simply be comforted in knowing it is time to move on and let go. And that is exactly what I have done and will continue to do.

When someone betrays trust and crosses a line in a relationship it is up to us to decide if we can invite them back in and if we can’t we forgive their transgression with love and let them go. To live our lives separately and they can live theirs separately.

Forgiveness means honoring the place in us as we honor the place in others. Freeing us both from guilt and allowing us the space to move on with our lives with love and respect.