This week marks Dementia week in Bermuda so there are a series of events happening to help raise the awareness of this disease. To help people who may be suffering from it or caring for someone who is suffering from it, to know they are not alone. To help them to understand more of what is happening to them or to their loved ones.
Liz Stewart, the President and founder of the Dementia group, decided to start this organisation after caring for her mother who suffered from dementia and subsequently died the same year but not before Liz realized how hard it was to care for her mother. To experience her mother lose contact with her life and family. I knew Liz's mother, Judith, a vivacious woman full of life so I could understand how difficult it must have been for a daughter to see her mother, a woman she admired, become someone else before her eyes. I also know that the group she formed would be a helpful and empathetic group because it was founded in the name of her mother to provide a touchstone for those going through the varying stages of dementia.
The other evening some of my family and I took advantage of one of this week's offerings, and went to watch a documentary about a woman suffering from dementia. We went because we have some concerns about our dad and we want to understand what could possibly be going on with him.
The documentary was called "You're Looking At Me Like I Live Here And I Don't." An apt title for the documentary because dementia does just that to those affected by it. The person suffering from dementia remains in the body of the person they once were but mentally they no longer connect with the body. They become a stranger in their own bodies. Leaving those of us who knew them, looking at the physical body still trying to connect them with the person they once were. The person that used to live in that body but no longer does. Until we realise the person he once was has left that space leaving behind someone else. And that someone else still desires to be cared for and loved. A very challenging space for the person and for the caregiver(s).
In the documentary, it was very sobering to watch a woman who obviously used to be in control of her life by the way she commanded the home she was living in but now had no idea who she was and why she was here. It was also sobering to realise that we could go through this life then get to the end of it and not know who we were or what we had experienced. It was also eye opening to see this woman dressed to the nines appear to be in full control of herself but was a shell of the woman she once was. How we can easily be fooled by appearances until we communicate with the person and realise something is not right.
I watched the woman wondering around the home trying to find meaning to her life. Trying to connect as well as disconnect with where she found herself and thought how life is meant to be lived in the present moment. To enjoy every single moment that we have where we are because one day we could wake up and be the woman wondering around with no connection to our past.
I thought about how sometimes I project too far into the future. Worrying about what may happen rather than living presently and gratefully in this moment where every second I can remember who I am and why I am where I am is a gift not to be taken for granted.
Dementia affects a staggering 1 in 3 people in the world on varying levels. It is not a sign of aging. It is a disease. A disease that creeps up on us without us really understanding what is happening to us. It is often misdiagnosed because it affects us all in different ways. But some of the most common symptoms are memory loss, paranoia, the desire to isolate from the world and remain at home. And it can start happening to us as young as our 30s which is why in some cases it is misdiagnosed.
It is not a disease to be taken for granted because those who suffer from it can put themselves in danger by not remembering that they put on the kettle to boil water only to burn the house down. Or they many wander from home and not know where to return.
Watching the documentary helped me to understand that sometimes we have to slow down and smell the roses. To enjoy who we are where we are at this present moment because we could wake up one day totally disconnected from the life we were living. Waking up to the reality that people are looking at us like we live here but we don't anymore. And if that day comes, would the life we have been living be the life we would be proud of? Is it the life that was worth rushing around for when we no longer can remember who we were and why we were. And if it isn't when are we going to become who we were meant to become.
"You're Looking at Me Like I Live Here And I Don't" is a sobering reminder that life can change in an instant so it is up to us to live as fully as we can. And to be compassionate to those who lose their ability to connect with the reality of where they are because one day it could be us. Thanks Liz for being brave enough to bring to the forefront a disease that many are ashamed of because you are helping so many of us to understand what is happening to us and to those we love. And for letting us know we are not alone, I am truly grateful.
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
Tuesday, 23 September 2014
Autumn
Yet another season has come
Autumn
The mornings are darker
The stars have shifted
And the moon sits
In a different part of the sky
The days shorter
The nights longer
Autumn
Ushering out summer
Today the first day of fall
Leaves are changing
Dancing
Twirling
Putting on a show
As they don their reds
Oranges and yellow
Giving us a burst of color
Before they bid their adieu
Drifting to the ground
Exhausted from displaying their finery
Giving us their last dance
Before returning to the place
From which they have come
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Autumn
Already there is change in the air
As the mornings are darker
The days shorter
Summer giving way to Fall
Fall preparing us
For the desolation of winter
When all goes bare
Fall so beautiful
Perfect time of the year
A time of bursting forth
Of renewing
Of readying ourselves
For the onslaught of winter
But not before the leaves
And nature treat us
To a spectacular display of natural beauty
The beauty that exists for us all
The Autumnal Equinox
For us in the Northern Hemisphere
And the Spring Equinox
For those in the Southern Hemisphere
Occurred for us at 10.29 last night
When the plane of the Earth
Passed the center of the Sun
Allowing our opposite Hemispheres
North and South
To be illuminated equally
Our differences becoming the same
For that brief moment in time
Ushering in Fall for us
Spring for them
Good morning Autumn
So ready for your change
So ready for the cooling
The cooling of the air
The change of season
To let us know
To remind us
Nothing lasts forever
There's a time and place
For everything and everyone
So let's make the most
Of all we have
With gratitude and grace
So we may
Live our lives
Embracing change
Knowing
Whatever we are going through
This too shall pass
As the seasons change
So do we
Welcome Autumn
So grateful to see you again
Namaste
Autumn
The mornings are darker
The stars have shifted
And the moon sits
In a different part of the sky
The days shorter
The nights longer
Autumn
Ushering out summer
Today the first day of fall
Leaves are changing
Dancing
Twirling
Putting on a show
As they don their reds
Oranges and yellow
Giving us a burst of color
Before they bid their adieu
Drifting to the ground
Exhausted from displaying their finery
Giving us their last dance
Before returning to the place
From which they have come
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Autumn
Already there is change in the air
As the mornings are darker
The days shorter
Summer giving way to Fall
Fall preparing us
For the desolation of winter
When all goes bare
Fall so beautiful
Perfect time of the year
A time of bursting forth
Of renewing
Of readying ourselves
For the onslaught of winter
But not before the leaves
And nature treat us
To a spectacular display of natural beauty
The beauty that exists for us all
The Autumnal Equinox
For us in the Northern Hemisphere
And the Spring Equinox
For those in the Southern Hemisphere
Occurred for us at 10.29 last night
When the plane of the Earth
Passed the center of the Sun
Allowing our opposite Hemispheres
North and South
To be illuminated equally
Our differences becoming the same
For that brief moment in time
Ushering in Fall for us
Spring for them
Good morning Autumn
So ready for your change
So ready for the cooling
The cooling of the air
The change of season
To let us know
To remind us
Nothing lasts forever
There's a time and place
For everything and everyone
So let's make the most
Of all we have
With gratitude and grace
So we may
Live our lives
Embracing change
Knowing
Whatever we are going through
This too shall pass
As the seasons change
So do we
Welcome Autumn
So grateful to see you again
Namaste
Monday, 22 September 2014
Just because I am #handicap doesn't make me less beautiful
Yesterday I was admiring this beautiful woman seated in a chair. Her face chalky white. Her hair raven. Her eyes like charcoal and a smile that lit up the room. There was something about her that drew me to her - a reticence behind her eyes. A timidness about her soul. I could not quite put my finger on it but there was something that made me stare at her for a long time.
I thought how lucky she is to be so beautiful. I felt somewhat intimidated by her beauty. Small in her presence. And then she stood up. Well reached for her walking stick to help her to get out of the chair, shattering my image of who she was and what she was. I was shocked. Floored to be honest. She reached for a walking stick that had been in plain sight but never in my wildest dreams did I think it was for this beautiful woman seated next to me. I had not seen the stick before because I had not expected for her to have one particularly with a face like hers. I had judged her to be this beautiful woman who surely had the world at her beck and call. So blinded by my perception of her that I did not see the whole of her.
When she finally steadied herself and got her stick so she could stand, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. I had thought she was tall and thin - everything most women dream to be. Only to discover when she was sitting in the chair, her legs were hidden so I could not see that the bulk of her height was in her trunk. Deceiving me of her true height because her legs were very short. So short that she had to almost jump down from the chair to reach the ground, with the assistance of her stick.
She was no taller than my 11 year old and needed her stick to help her to walk. My whole perception of this woman completely shattered by what I thought I was seeing in the mirror only for it to be a total untruth. I chastised myself for being shocked by this woman because I had misjudged her thinking she was so beautiful that she was perfect. Only to decide in my eyes and possibly to most people she was less than beautiful because she was physically challenged. My admiration quickly turning to pity. How arrogant of me to even think like that.
I thought I had evolved beyond such stereotypical behavior - particularly as a black woman who has endured prejudice on many levels - from being a woman to being black and something in between sometimes. My husband is white so sometimes I am accused of betraying my race so I thought I was nonjudgmental and took people as they come. Only to be reminded by this young lady yesterday, who though she is physically challenged, is the same beautiful woman I saw in the mirror before seeing her physical limitation. The woman with the chalky white skin, the charcoal eyes and the raven hair. The woman with the smile that light up the room.
Reflecting back, I understood the reticence I saw in her eyes. The timidness of her soul. It was because she is used to being judged and looked at differently when she stands and begins to move. She feels in herself the disappointment we feel when we see she is not perfect. She is not the tall woman she looks like she is when she is seated in a chair.
I talked to my family about this beautiful yet fragile woman when I got home. Talked about the shame I felt when I realized she was not as I thought she was. At how I really have not evolved as much as I thought I had.
And then I saw this video done by MattyB whose sister is mentally handicapped where he made a rap video about what she goes through every day. Instantly, I knew I was being sent a message to share to those who so happen to come across my blog, prejudice does not just come from the most obvious race or creed. Prejudice comes every single time we judge someone who is different from us. Who may not fit what we perceive to be our ideal. Who does not look like us, think like us, or have the mobility or use of all senses as we do. Who may be physically or mentally challenged.
What I know for sure is each one of us has a place in this world. Each one of us came here to learn, to teach and to share what it feels like to be less than perfect because none of us are. Not one of us is. If we were, we would not be here.
So the next time we see someone who may not be as physically or mentally perfect as we would like them to be whether that may mean race, color or creed or in a wheel chair or supported by walking sticks, we need not judge. We need not pity because we are each beautiful in our own right when we acknowledge we are all here for a reason.
To the beautiful woman with the chalky white skin, the raven hair, the charcoal eyes and the smile that lit up the room, I now see you for the beautiful woman that you truly are, walking stick and all. And for you crossing my path to humble me by challenging me to push aside the stereotypical definition of what beauty means to me, I am truly grateful.
To MattyB for standing up for his sister, bravo.
To Alicia Keys for starting the #weareheremovement based on the social ecology that "we're all related and need to work in harmony to create a kinder and better world for all."
To all of us, we are all one regardless of where we come from, what we look like and what we believe. With gratitude for our differences so we can understand our similarities. Namaste
Link to MattyB's videohttp://www.quickmeme.com/news/?p=4087
And to @AliciaKeys' movement #wearehere http://weareheremovement.com/#act
I thought how lucky she is to be so beautiful. I felt somewhat intimidated by her beauty. Small in her presence. And then she stood up. Well reached for her walking stick to help her to get out of the chair, shattering my image of who she was and what she was. I was shocked. Floored to be honest. She reached for a walking stick that had been in plain sight but never in my wildest dreams did I think it was for this beautiful woman seated next to me. I had not seen the stick before because I had not expected for her to have one particularly with a face like hers. I had judged her to be this beautiful woman who surely had the world at her beck and call. So blinded by my perception of her that I did not see the whole of her.
When she finally steadied herself and got her stick so she could stand, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. I had thought she was tall and thin - everything most women dream to be. Only to discover when she was sitting in the chair, her legs were hidden so I could not see that the bulk of her height was in her trunk. Deceiving me of her true height because her legs were very short. So short that she had to almost jump down from the chair to reach the ground, with the assistance of her stick.
She was no taller than my 11 year old and needed her stick to help her to walk. My whole perception of this woman completely shattered by what I thought I was seeing in the mirror only for it to be a total untruth. I chastised myself for being shocked by this woman because I had misjudged her thinking she was so beautiful that she was perfect. Only to decide in my eyes and possibly to most people she was less than beautiful because she was physically challenged. My admiration quickly turning to pity. How arrogant of me to even think like that.
I thought I had evolved beyond such stereotypical behavior - particularly as a black woman who has endured prejudice on many levels - from being a woman to being black and something in between sometimes. My husband is white so sometimes I am accused of betraying my race so I thought I was nonjudgmental and took people as they come. Only to be reminded by this young lady yesterday, who though she is physically challenged, is the same beautiful woman I saw in the mirror before seeing her physical limitation. The woman with the chalky white skin, the charcoal eyes and the raven hair. The woman with the smile that light up the room.
Reflecting back, I understood the reticence I saw in her eyes. The timidness of her soul. It was because she is used to being judged and looked at differently when she stands and begins to move. She feels in herself the disappointment we feel when we see she is not perfect. She is not the tall woman she looks like she is when she is seated in a chair.
I talked to my family about this beautiful yet fragile woman when I got home. Talked about the shame I felt when I realized she was not as I thought she was. At how I really have not evolved as much as I thought I had.
And then I saw this video done by MattyB whose sister is mentally handicapped where he made a rap video about what she goes through every day. Instantly, I knew I was being sent a message to share to those who so happen to come across my blog, prejudice does not just come from the most obvious race or creed. Prejudice comes every single time we judge someone who is different from us. Who may not fit what we perceive to be our ideal. Who does not look like us, think like us, or have the mobility or use of all senses as we do. Who may be physically or mentally challenged.
What I know for sure is each one of us has a place in this world. Each one of us came here to learn, to teach and to share what it feels like to be less than perfect because none of us are. Not one of us is. If we were, we would not be here.
So the next time we see someone who may not be as physically or mentally perfect as we would like them to be whether that may mean race, color or creed or in a wheel chair or supported by walking sticks, we need not judge. We need not pity because we are each beautiful in our own right when we acknowledge we are all here for a reason.
To the beautiful woman with the chalky white skin, the raven hair, the charcoal eyes and the smile that lit up the room, I now see you for the beautiful woman that you truly are, walking stick and all. And for you crossing my path to humble me by challenging me to push aside the stereotypical definition of what beauty means to me, I am truly grateful.
To MattyB for standing up for his sister, bravo.
To Alicia Keys for starting the #weareheremovement based on the social ecology that "we're all related and need to work in harmony to create a kinder and better world for all."
To all of us, we are all one regardless of where we come from, what we look like and what we believe. With gratitude for our differences so we can understand our similarities. Namaste
Link to MattyB's videohttp://www.quickmeme.com/news/?p=4087
And to @AliciaKeys' movement #wearehere http://weareheremovement.com/#act
Saturday, 20 September 2014
Our closet circle is reflective of the energy we project
The energy we bring into the room is the energy we will attract. The person we are on the inside is indicative of the people we will attract. Who we are essentially is reflected in the people we are always with because we become those who we surround ourselves with. As the people we surround ourselves with become us. Our closet circle becomes the mirror of our soul. The key to our essence self.
The energy we most resonate becomes the story of our lives. If we want to change the story of our lives, we have to check in with who we are on the inside. Who we think we are cleverly disguising and doing what we think will make others believe we are one way when on the inside we are another brings more conflict into our lives rather than peace. Our essence self cannot be disguised because it is who we are.
Life give us exactly what we put out despite the persona we may project. There is no disguising from ourselves who we truly are. And who we truly are is reflected in our life experience. If we are ones who love peace and do our best to promote and seek peace, sometimes we will attract those who want to upset our peace into our lives, to test us to see if we really want peace. The reason we attract them is because we sometimes doubt who we are and attract in who we are not. Attract in our doubt.
Until we see the antithesis of who we are, we do not realise it is doubt that is attracting in the opposite energy of who we are. When we meet our antithesis energy, it is up to us to adjust to become people of peace again. We rid ourselves of our doubting thoughts and in doing so, we rid ourselves of those who are not us. Not by rejecting them outright but by being who we are on the inside which directs us back to our place of peace. Such that when our antithesis self sees we are truly people of peace and we determine they are otherwise, we move away from each other because we no longer relate to each other. Not because of hate. Never with malice but purely because our energy is combustible rather than compatible.
Likewise when we are surrounded by drama all the time, it is because we are inviting the drama into our lives by putting ourselves in the middle of it. Sending out energy to keep it with us. Rather than seeing it is there to show us how not to be. And adjusting our energy so the drama no longer serves us and it moves away.
Life takes us on a myriad of emotions because it is showing us where we are at any given present moment in our lives. Asking us to determine if the place we find ourselves in, both physically and emotionally, is the place we want to remain in. Because in order for us to be one way and know it is the way we want to be, we are sent the opposite of ourselves to show us how we could be if we weren't being who we are at the present moment. Then it is up to us to decide which way we want to go. Bearing in mind that whatever way we choose to go, we will attract more of it into our lives with the energy we put out.
Life has a funny way of balancing us - allowing us to see the opposite of who we are so we can choose who we want to be. Letting us know, we are always in control of the emotions we bring. We are never in control of the emotions others may bring so it makes no sense fighting something or someone that is beyond our control. When we do, we become them and less of ourselves.
Therefore it is up to us and only us to determine what energy we bring into the room. To determine who we are authentically. Because of the duality of our existence we carry both good and bad, darkness and light within us and it is up to us to decide which way we want to be. Trying our hardest to not judge anyone else for the choices they make and the energy they bring into the room. And respectfully keeping our distance and being with those who bring us the most joy rather than those who steal our joy.
Remembering as much as we can, each of us is responsible for the energy we bring into the room. And our closet circle is reflective of the energy we project.
The energy we most resonate becomes the story of our lives. If we want to change the story of our lives, we have to check in with who we are on the inside. Who we think we are cleverly disguising and doing what we think will make others believe we are one way when on the inside we are another brings more conflict into our lives rather than peace. Our essence self cannot be disguised because it is who we are.
Life give us exactly what we put out despite the persona we may project. There is no disguising from ourselves who we truly are. And who we truly are is reflected in our life experience. If we are ones who love peace and do our best to promote and seek peace, sometimes we will attract those who want to upset our peace into our lives, to test us to see if we really want peace. The reason we attract them is because we sometimes doubt who we are and attract in who we are not. Attract in our doubt.
Until we see the antithesis of who we are, we do not realise it is doubt that is attracting in the opposite energy of who we are. When we meet our antithesis energy, it is up to us to adjust to become people of peace again. We rid ourselves of our doubting thoughts and in doing so, we rid ourselves of those who are not us. Not by rejecting them outright but by being who we are on the inside which directs us back to our place of peace. Such that when our antithesis self sees we are truly people of peace and we determine they are otherwise, we move away from each other because we no longer relate to each other. Not because of hate. Never with malice but purely because our energy is combustible rather than compatible.
Likewise when we are surrounded by drama all the time, it is because we are inviting the drama into our lives by putting ourselves in the middle of it. Sending out energy to keep it with us. Rather than seeing it is there to show us how not to be. And adjusting our energy so the drama no longer serves us and it moves away.
Life takes us on a myriad of emotions because it is showing us where we are at any given present moment in our lives. Asking us to determine if the place we find ourselves in, both physically and emotionally, is the place we want to remain in. Because in order for us to be one way and know it is the way we want to be, we are sent the opposite of ourselves to show us how we could be if we weren't being who we are at the present moment. Then it is up to us to decide which way we want to go. Bearing in mind that whatever way we choose to go, we will attract more of it into our lives with the energy we put out.
Life has a funny way of balancing us - allowing us to see the opposite of who we are so we can choose who we want to be. Letting us know, we are always in control of the emotions we bring. We are never in control of the emotions others may bring so it makes no sense fighting something or someone that is beyond our control. When we do, we become them and less of ourselves.
Therefore it is up to us and only us to determine what energy we bring into the room. To determine who we are authentically. Because of the duality of our existence we carry both good and bad, darkness and light within us and it is up to us to decide which way we want to be. Trying our hardest to not judge anyone else for the choices they make and the energy they bring into the room. And respectfully keeping our distance and being with those who bring us the most joy rather than those who steal our joy.
Remembering as much as we can, each of us is responsible for the energy we bring into the room. And our closet circle is reflective of the energy we project.
Friday, 19 September 2014
Nobody's friend
Nobody's friend
Pretends to be
Everyone's friend
But is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Smiles at everyone
Smiles at everything
But smiles at nothing
Or no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend laughs
Laughs the loudest
Out of everyone
But conceals the truth
Behind her laughter
By laughing so loud
To hide her pain
To conceal his truth
That she is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Pretends to care
About everyone's welfare
But could care less
About anyone
But himself
But herself
Nobody's friend
Is the belle of the ball
Dancing the longest
Parties the most
But inside hates to dance
Despises partying
But needs to be invited
To have a seat at the table
In order to control
In order to manipulate
In order to ruin
The fun anyone else
May have
Nobody's friend
Can't allow happiness
To flow
Because happiness eludes her
Is out of his reach
His heart is too cold
Her soul empty
So
Nobody's friend
Stirs the pot
Then hides
Behind the pot
Pretending
They never even knew
There was a pot
And convinces everyone
There is no pot
And everyone believes him
Believes her
Because
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
But is friends with no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend
Hates everything and everyone
Including herself
Himself most of all
And because she does
He pretends
And pretends
Becoming friends with everyone
But friends with no one
Nobody's friend gossips
Talks about everyone
And everything
So no one can see
Just how unhappy
He is with himself
Nobody's friend
Seems to be joyful
On the outside
But on the inside
Is empty
Devoid of any emotion
That benefits anyone
Or anything
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
Because she wants something
From everyone
So he takes
Takes and takes
Like a little parasite
Sucking out the good
In everyone and anyone
She latches onto
Holding on tight
Until there is nothing left
Then moves on to the next
Pretending to be nurturing
Instead she is destructive
The darkness incarnated
Be weary of nobody's friend
The one who pretends
To be friends
With everyone
But is friends
With no one
Not even herself
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Pretends to be
Everyone's friend
But is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Smiles at everyone
Smiles at everything
But smiles at nothing
Or no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend laughs
Laughs the loudest
Out of everyone
But conceals the truth
Behind her laughter
By laughing so loud
To hide her pain
To conceal his truth
That she is friends
With no one
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Pretends to care
About everyone's welfare
But could care less
About anyone
But himself
But herself
Nobody's friend
Is the belle of the ball
Dancing the longest
Parties the most
But inside hates to dance
Despises partying
But needs to be invited
To have a seat at the table
In order to control
In order to manipulate
In order to ruin
The fun anyone else
May have
Nobody's friend
Can't allow happiness
To flow
Because happiness eludes her
Is out of his reach
His heart is too cold
Her soul empty
So
Nobody's friend
Stirs the pot
Then hides
Behind the pot
Pretending
They never even knew
There was a pot
And convinces everyone
There is no pot
And everyone believes him
Believes her
Because
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
But is friends with no one
Not even herself
Nobody's friend
Hates everything and everyone
Including herself
Himself most of all
And because she does
He pretends
And pretends
Becoming friends with everyone
But friends with no one
Nobody's friend gossips
Talks about everyone
And everything
So no one can see
Just how unhappy
He is with himself
Nobody's friend
Seems to be joyful
On the outside
But on the inside
Is empty
Devoid of any emotion
That benefits anyone
Or anything
Nobody's friend
Is everyone's friend
Because she wants something
From everyone
So he takes
Takes and takes
Like a little parasite
Sucking out the good
In everyone and anyone
She latches onto
Holding on tight
Until there is nothing left
Then moves on to the next
Pretending to be nurturing
Instead she is destructive
The darkness incarnated
Be weary of nobody's friend
The one who pretends
To be friends
With everyone
But is friends
With no one
Not even herself
Not even himself
Nobody's friend
Thursday, 18 September 2014
Coming from a place of love
Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity beyond my reach. Struggling to articulate my despair. Making words oh so hard to come by. I am struggling to begin. Struggling to know what to say . My fingertips are uncertain today. Uncertain about what to reveal because there are so many out there that are building a campaign against me. Paranoid, you may say, is where I am right now.
People that I thought I could trust I am finding have two faces. Double agents. Finding out bits of information about me and giving it to people who do not need to know what is happening in my life. Betrayal is a horrible thing because it makes us feel so exposed. So vulnerable. So uncertain about life. About ourselves.
Uncertain because I allowed people into my life that never should have been there from the start but I allowed them in because I always try to see the good in people. Always try to see the light that emanates from others. Looking beyond their faults. Their darkness because I know we all carry the good and bad within us. But what I forget is that there are those who, though they may have light, are more prone to the darkness because they are so unhappy in themselves.
These people are dangerous because they seek out the weaknesses in others and prey on them. Building campaigns against them subtly because they mask their intentions by pretending they are looking out for the best interests of others when in fact their mission is to destroy others. Bring them down. Take them out of the light because in a warped way they enjoy the process of destroying others.
I am also discovering that these same people don't really want solutions to problems. They just like problems because it gives them something to gossip about. Talk about. Distract away from their own shortcomings by pointing out the shortcomings of others. Because when decisions are made to get rid of the problem, they feign surprise and then start a campaign to destroy the person who made the decision to get rid of the problem. Because deep down inside these people are so messed up. So afraid of being discovered for who they are, that they spend their whole lives wrapped up in drama - baiting others to do their dirty work for them so they can stay above the fray.
Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity is outside of my reach because I am feeling wounded. Wounded from a place deep deep inside because I am suffering from allowing outside influences to influence me rather than trusting my instincts. Trusting the truth that keeps bubbling to the surface of who is real and who is not. Trusting my gut telling me about those who seek to destroy and those who seek to help.
So I am forcing myself to confront what is hampering me. Asking me to explore through my writing what is hampering me. Some words are flowing to me easily while others are coming more slowly because I am trying too hard to understand where I am going rather than just going with the flow. Letting go and letting what is lurking beneath the surface come to the light regardless of who may read my blog. Regardless of what they may say. Remembering this journey is mine and not anyone else's so in order to journey I have to just let my thoughts flow. Not try to understand where it is taking me. Not try to direct its flow. Just let go and do it.
And when I did, the message I finally got is it is so easy to criticize others. To find fault in them. To ridicule them. Mount a campaign against them because we really don't want them to face who we are. It is so easy to bring out the negative in people. Ask them to join campaigns of destruction rather than helping people to improve.
We have to be so careful that we don't get swept up in the negative energy that lurks beneath the surface. The energy that pretends to be one thing but really is another. Eventually the energy that lurks beneath the surface will come into the light because the light is always stronger than the dark. No truth can be hidden forever. Lies are always exposed for what they are.
And that is why I am so torn today. Torn about what to write,. What to say because I am discovering that there are people right now who are so unhappy with their lives that they make a point of drawing in anyone who may be slightly on the fence to help them to bring down others. While they sit on the sidelines pretending they have no idea what is going on. Orchestrating like the maestros of darkness that they are.
But my message to them and to those who are easily drawn into negativity, remember we reap what we sow. We are never protected from the truth and the light. Eventually all of our shortcomings are exposed. Eventually what we do to others, whether subtly or overtly, will come back to us to show us how we made another feel.
Rather than lurking in the darkness waiting for the next strike, why don't we come out into the light so we can find the sweetness in life and breathe it in. Just breathe it in without any other motive than to just enjoy the freshness of inhaling and the relief of exhaling. That way we will find no need to destroy because we will realise there is enough for all of us when we come from a place of love.
People that I thought I could trust I am finding have two faces. Double agents. Finding out bits of information about me and giving it to people who do not need to know what is happening in my life. Betrayal is a horrible thing because it makes us feel so exposed. So vulnerable. So uncertain about life. About ourselves.
Uncertain because I allowed people into my life that never should have been there from the start but I allowed them in because I always try to see the good in people. Always try to see the light that emanates from others. Looking beyond their faults. Their darkness because I know we all carry the good and bad within us. But what I forget is that there are those who, though they may have light, are more prone to the darkness because they are so unhappy in themselves.
These people are dangerous because they seek out the weaknesses in others and prey on them. Building campaigns against them subtly because they mask their intentions by pretending they are looking out for the best interests of others when in fact their mission is to destroy others. Bring them down. Take them out of the light because in a warped way they enjoy the process of destroying others.
I am also discovering that these same people don't really want solutions to problems. They just like problems because it gives them something to gossip about. Talk about. Distract away from their own shortcomings by pointing out the shortcomings of others. Because when decisions are made to get rid of the problem, they feign surprise and then start a campaign to destroy the person who made the decision to get rid of the problem. Because deep down inside these people are so messed up. So afraid of being discovered for who they are, that they spend their whole lives wrapped up in drama - baiting others to do their dirty work for them so they can stay above the fray.
Inspiration is eluding me today. Creativity is outside of my reach because I am feeling wounded. Wounded from a place deep deep inside because I am suffering from allowing outside influences to influence me rather than trusting my instincts. Trusting the truth that keeps bubbling to the surface of who is real and who is not. Trusting my gut telling me about those who seek to destroy and those who seek to help.
So I am forcing myself to confront what is hampering me. Asking me to explore through my writing what is hampering me. Some words are flowing to me easily while others are coming more slowly because I am trying too hard to understand where I am going rather than just going with the flow. Letting go and letting what is lurking beneath the surface come to the light regardless of who may read my blog. Regardless of what they may say. Remembering this journey is mine and not anyone else's so in order to journey I have to just let my thoughts flow. Not try to understand where it is taking me. Not try to direct its flow. Just let go and do it.
And when I did, the message I finally got is it is so easy to criticize others. To find fault in them. To ridicule them. Mount a campaign against them because we really don't want them to face who we are. It is so easy to bring out the negative in people. Ask them to join campaigns of destruction rather than helping people to improve.
We have to be so careful that we don't get swept up in the negative energy that lurks beneath the surface. The energy that pretends to be one thing but really is another. Eventually the energy that lurks beneath the surface will come into the light because the light is always stronger than the dark. No truth can be hidden forever. Lies are always exposed for what they are.
And that is why I am so torn today. Torn about what to write,. What to say because I am discovering that there are people right now who are so unhappy with their lives that they make a point of drawing in anyone who may be slightly on the fence to help them to bring down others. While they sit on the sidelines pretending they have no idea what is going on. Orchestrating like the maestros of darkness that they are.
But my message to them and to those who are easily drawn into negativity, remember we reap what we sow. We are never protected from the truth and the light. Eventually all of our shortcomings are exposed. Eventually what we do to others, whether subtly or overtly, will come back to us to show us how we made another feel.
Rather than lurking in the darkness waiting for the next strike, why don't we come out into the light so we can find the sweetness in life and breathe it in. Just breathe it in without any other motive than to just enjoy the freshness of inhaling and the relief of exhaling. That way we will find no need to destroy because we will realise there is enough for all of us when we come from a place of love.
Wednesday, 17 September 2014
What happens when we see ourselves in our children
What happens when we see ourselves in our children. When they awaken the dragon that has been lying asleep inside of us. The one that has haunted us but we kept it down - hidden in the recesses of our brain. What happens when our children raise the dragon from its sleep and we come face to face with it again through the innocence of our children. When they become the dragon we had carefully put to sleep. Thinking we had ridden ourselves of it but knowing now that unless we deal with it, it begins to breathe fire. consuming us. Consuming them.
What happens when our children become the dragon. Showing us our vulnerabilities, insecurities and hidden aspects of who we are and were. What happens when we come face to face with ourselves through the innocence of our children. When they show us that part of us that no one else knows about except us. What happens when the dragon is awoken? What happens to us and to them?
When happens when it rears its ugly head through our children and our children have no idea they have become us and we have become them. Our two halves blending becoming one. Mighty and strong but yet fragile at the same time because we are too afraid and ashamed to tell our children they are revealing an aspect of who we are. That we have become one. That their behaviour, they are not mature enough to understand, is really our behaviour and not theirs.
What happens when we are teaching our children to be one way when the way they are displaying is the person we once were. The child that did not learn. The child that did not grow. The child that remains waiting for us to meet and take her hand and guide him through the wilderness. How do we get through it together? How do we do so without hurting the other? What happens when the dragon becomes so powerful that it threatens to destroy the relationship we enjoy with our children because we cannot admit to ourselves that our children are displaying our inner most secrets. When they become our inner most secrets and play out what we thought we had hidden. What we thought we had outgrown.
The only way out is to confront ourselves by being honest with our children about how we got to this place. How we came face to face with ourselves through them. How we don't want them to go down the same road as we did. How they have come to show us the way out. The way to amend and reroute the path we once took. To be honest with them and that way we can be honest with ourselves about who we are and were.
It is the woken dragon that teaches us our children are mirrors of who we are. Reflections of our inner most selves such that when we don't heal ourselves, our children become the pain that needs to be healed. The hurt that needs to be addressed and nurtured. And this can only be achieved when we are brave enough to admit that the hurt reflected in their eyes is the hurt we carry deep deep down inside. Allowing us to open our hearts to heal and to love.
That's why we come face to face with our dragons through the innocence of our children because it is then that we truly see what we need to work on to forgive ourselves for not facing our own vulnerabilities. For not addressing our own fears and insecurities. Allowing us to become whole in our own right so that we can be whole for our children and guide them through to the other side. The other side where we both can stand hand in hand watching the dragon we have tamed and let go as it happily flies away releasing us from its fire. Allowing us to move to the next lesson that will come when we are open and honest with our children - some of our greatest teachers on this journey called life.
What happens when our children become the dragon. Showing us our vulnerabilities, insecurities and hidden aspects of who we are and were. What happens when we come face to face with ourselves through the innocence of our children. When they show us that part of us that no one else knows about except us. What happens when the dragon is awoken? What happens to us and to them?
When happens when it rears its ugly head through our children and our children have no idea they have become us and we have become them. Our two halves blending becoming one. Mighty and strong but yet fragile at the same time because we are too afraid and ashamed to tell our children they are revealing an aspect of who we are. That we have become one. That their behaviour, they are not mature enough to understand, is really our behaviour and not theirs.
What happens when we are teaching our children to be one way when the way they are displaying is the person we once were. The child that did not learn. The child that did not grow. The child that remains waiting for us to meet and take her hand and guide him through the wilderness. How do we get through it together? How do we do so without hurting the other? What happens when the dragon becomes so powerful that it threatens to destroy the relationship we enjoy with our children because we cannot admit to ourselves that our children are displaying our inner most secrets. When they become our inner most secrets and play out what we thought we had hidden. What we thought we had outgrown.
The only way out is to confront ourselves by being honest with our children about how we got to this place. How we came face to face with ourselves through them. How we don't want them to go down the same road as we did. How they have come to show us the way out. The way to amend and reroute the path we once took. To be honest with them and that way we can be honest with ourselves about who we are and were.
It is the woken dragon that teaches us our children are mirrors of who we are. Reflections of our inner most selves such that when we don't heal ourselves, our children become the pain that needs to be healed. The hurt that needs to be addressed and nurtured. And this can only be achieved when we are brave enough to admit that the hurt reflected in their eyes is the hurt we carry deep deep down inside. Allowing us to open our hearts to heal and to love.
That's why we come face to face with our dragons through the innocence of our children because it is then that we truly see what we need to work on to forgive ourselves for not facing our own vulnerabilities. For not addressing our own fears and insecurities. Allowing us to become whole in our own right so that we can be whole for our children and guide them through to the other side. The other side where we both can stand hand in hand watching the dragon we have tamed and let go as it happily flies away releasing us from its fire. Allowing us to move to the next lesson that will come when we are open and honest with our children - some of our greatest teachers on this journey called life.
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