Hope lights the path

Finally I got to see my daughter yesterday after nearly three weeks and it was one of those moments that will remain with me for quite some time. It was a feeling I was not able to understand until this morning when I did a beautiful meditation with Deepak and Oprah. A liberating meditation all about hope.
Allowing me to understand it was hope that I see reflected in the eyes of children. Children not jaded by a past because they don't wallow in yesterday. They live fully in the present when they are allowed to. They also believe that everything is possible. The future is theirs for the making and taking until adults take that future hope from them by telling them what they can't do. By jading them with our lack of hope.
If we allowed our children to develop in the way they are meant to develop without poisoning their minds by placing limitations on what they naturally believe they are capable of achieving, how much more wonderful could their lives and our lives be?
When we influence our children to be what they are not, we take the hope away from them and instead fill them with an unnatural anxiety. A feeling of not belonging. A feeling where there is no hope for tomorrow because their present state is so not them.
Yesterday seeing all of those girls with stars in their eyes because they were in a place that nurtured their dreams and their hopes sent shivers down my spine. Seeing my daughter who seemed to have grown over the three weeks physically, mentally and spiritually standing tall and seemingly floating through the grounds of the camp with friends from everywhere shouting out her name, I knew I was witnessing hope at its best. Seeing my child blossom with such like minded and hopeful people around her, I felt even more blessed this morning when I was able to understand the feeling I felt when I saw them with the message of the meditation this morning. So inspiring. So winglike. So hopeful is hope.
The meditation opened with Oprah telling me, "Just like we look for love and desire peace. We all hope for the best. Your essential self emanates hope. Routed in the all powerful certainty of Source."
She quoted Elie Wiesel, "Just as a man cannot live without dreams. He cannot live without hope. If dreams reflect the past, Hope summons the future. Access that certainty and hope and the happiness that flows to you will be more powerful than you can imagine. It is a force that grounds us and lifts us up at the same time." It was that force of hope I saw and felt at the camp yesterday and it was infectious because I too felt hopeful and joyful just by being in the presence of hope.
Deepak Chopra took over from Oprah telling me, "Happy people are optimistic and hopeful. Hope is a positive force in their lives which is different from feeling anxious and hoping everything will turn out right. When your sense of hope flows from the Source, you know new possibilities will emerge and good outcomes are in sight." I know this to be true because I see it and feel it in children who have been allowed to be who they want to be. I see it and feel it in myself when I allow hope for the future rather than fear of the past to guide me. When I trust that inner voice that never leads me astray. When I don't allow ego to overshadow my inner compass.
Hope opens the path. It isn't passive- just waiting and praying things will change. When we are connected to our true self, we sense what we need to do next to improve any situation. It is that clarity that comes through the darkness, through the noise. It is the light that goes off in the dark and it is called hope. What a wonderful feeling when we get it, feel it. I saw it yesterday very clearly in the eyes of my daughter and her friends. And when I saw it, I felt it as it brought tears to my eyes. A feeling I did not quite understand until I did my powerful meditation this morning with Deepak and Oprah. Feeling hope.
Allowing me to tap into the advice they gave, "The more I nurture hope, the more optimistic I feel, And the more hopeful I am, the more I move naturally to take the opportunities that come my way. Different from feeling trapped and feeling there is no way out.
As Deepak says, "Hope is like a thread leading out of the maze. It doesn't get us out, but it is our connection to freedom. If we follow the thread we can make our way out and feel the joy of liberation. Be open to becoming more hopeful and letting hope be our guide. Having this intention is powerful and allows us to be hopeful. Hope prevents us from being influenced by negative thoughts that automatically come to mind for many people."
Hope is our path to freedom because hope is freedom. It is the belief that all things are possible through our intentions. It is the knowledge that only we can light our path by being hopeful. For when we keep makiing connections with our true self, we are also connecting to the source of hope. A source that replenishes itself over and over again because it is fuelled from the endless possibility available from the One Source.
Hope that beautiful light that shines through the eyes of undoctrinated children and is possible for us too when we connect back to our true selves. Hope is the light that lights my path. The lights your path. That lights our path. When you lose hope and want to restore it look for a child with the light in her eyes and immediately you will feel it again as I did yesterday with the eyes of my daughter and her new found friends. Hope is the light of my path. Hope is the path to freedom because it is freedom. Namaste

Frustration often leads to great satisfaction

Yesterday was one of those classic travelling days when everything that could delay us, did. Testing us to see how much we could take before we turned on each other. My husband and I bickering at every turn. Our son trying to be the diplomat to keep us on track. Now when I look back on our journey, I wish we had recorded it so we could watch it and have a good laugh at ourselves for sweating the small stuff rather than appreciating the good that was happening for us.
We began our vacation waiting for what seemed like an eternity for our rental car at the soul less Hertz office because I had requested GPS much to my husband's chagrin. Causing his blood pressure and the tension between us to rise because he wanted to set out on our drive and me requesting the stupid GPS was causing the delay. But because I knew we were going into the country and did not want us to get lost, I felt having the GPS was more important than the delays. As one can well imagine, my husband and I were spatting over every little thing because we were frustrated with each other and having to wait so long for a rental car in a place that was not the best to be waiting in.
When we finally got on the road, we ran into traffic jam after traffic jam. Steam, I swear, was coming out of my husband's ears. What was supposed to be a two hour drive turned into over a three hour drive. We crept along with the only saving grace being listening to the provocative humour of Howard Stern on the radio. My husband questioning whether it was appropriate for our 15 year old son to be listening. Our son asking us to turn up the radio so he could hear. All of us laughing and somehow trying to forget the delays and hiccups we were experiencing.
And  then one of those magical moments that usually only happen in the movies happened to us. As we were creeping along, locals were trying to get out of the traffic jams and over to the side roads so they were cutting across lanes to get to the far side. When we stopped to let a black SUV cross over the lanes in front of us,something about the way the man waved at us seemed familair to me. So when he crossed, I looked at his license plate to see much to my surprise that it read, CBERMUDA! What a pleasant surprise. Out of all the millions of people in NY, how likely was it that we would cross paths with a car with a Bermuda license plate. Bringing a smile to our faces. The man had waved only in the way a Bermudian would wave. And I had trusted my gut to want to know why he seemed so familiar.
I swear he was our lucky charm for the day because afer our encounter with him, the bottleneck of traffic finally broke. Allowing us to cross over the George Washington Bridge with relative ease, feeling like we were on top of the world. Looking down over the water.  Moving us away from the congestion and the lines of buildings and homes to big open space. With wide open lanes and space to breathe. And then the lanes became smaller lanes lined with big old trees. Completely changing the landscape from one of overload and frustration to one of space and relaxation. Finally we could relax to the drive we were taking showing us how quickly life can change when we are patient enough and keep going even when it seems that everything is conspiring against us.
Allowing me to see first hand that often we give up just before we are about to hit the jackpot because we get tired of all the distractions, the noise and the stops and starts. But when we persevere and have faith, what we gain is so much more than giving up. Coming out of the hustle and bustle of the city and entering the peace and serenity of nature in upstate New York illustrated that fact for me loud and clear as I looked around at the mountain in front of us, the beautiful old trees that could tell us many stories and the wide open space. Allowing me to be truly grateful for every hiccup and frustration we had experienced along the way because each one of them had been necessary for me to appreciate the beauty that was before my eyes.
Beauty I may have taken for granted had we not experienced what we had to get to where we were. On vacation with my family almost ready to see our daughter after nearly three weeks. What could be better than that! What a great lesson to learn, frustration often leads to great satisfaction. And as always the journey is much more rewarding than the destination when we take the time to appreciate we are always where we are meant to be, delays, mishaps and all. So true. So true.

We are love

What must it be like to go through life

Without knowing love

True love

The love that comes from deep within

The love that never fades

The love that asks for nothing in return

Because it is

The love that is us

What must it be like to never know

The true meaning of love

The meaning that resides within us

The meaning that asks for nothing in return

Except for us to be us

To love us

To not question that we are loved

Because we know the meaning of love

The true meaning of love

The love that is us

What must it be like to never see the love

The love that is within us

The love that questions not

The love that seeks not

The love that just is

The love that is us

What must it be like to never feel the love

The true love that resides within

The love that always remains

Even when everything else fades

The love that wraps its arms around us

And protects us

And keeps us from harm

The love that is us

What must it be like to never know love

True love

Eternal love

Ethereal love

Spiritual love

Love that reflects back to us

And refracts back to us

Every single day

In every single way

In every single thing we do

When we surrender our hearts

And souls

Bodies and minds

Back to the place

The place where only love resides

Always resides

Deep within

The amber that is always present

Always lit

Even on our darkest days

Our darkest nights

When all we need do

Is to ask for nothing

Seek nothing

But just to believe

That we are always loved

Always loved

Forever loved

Allowing us to know

That no matter what

No matter how

No matter where

Love is always with us

Because love is us

And we are love

What must it be like to go through life

Without knowing love

True love

The love that is us

When we are love

And love is us

Nothing matters unless we have spiritual peace

Yesterday some friends and I were discussing the untimely and tragic death of one of the funniest men that lived, Robin Williams. We discussed how no matter how much wealth we accumulate, how much fame we may gain, unless and until we are peace with who we are and why we are here, none of those things matter. None of the trappings of the physical world can ever bring us peace as can coming face to face with who we are, what we are and why we are here.

We then discussed how most of us are striving. Here trying to find our way. Trying to accumulate. Trying to do better than where we are. I was thinking about that more and I consider us to be the average people. We are the ones who have enough to sustain us but are still trying to find that little more. Allowing us to wake up with purpose every day even though we may not think we do. We do because we are striving to make our lives better than what they already are. Therefore providing us with a reason to have to get out of bed every single day. We have to go to work. We have to show up. We have hope that one day our lives will become easier.

But what happens when we attain what we have been striving for? What happens when our dream does become a reality? What happens then? What purpose do we have then? And I believe that is why we are seeing so many famous people, so many stars committing suicide because they are chasing the high they felt when they attained the success. That moment when their dreams became their reality. When they believed they had reached the mountaintop and they felt invincible. Until they woke up the next day, and still found they were the same person who went to bed the day before their dreams became reality.

I remember one actor saying becoming famous is like being in prison. A great analogy because I believe our minds become the prison when we reach the pinnacle we had envisioned for ourselves. And the reason our minds do is because then when we wake up in the morning, we are not waking up to do our everyday. We have achieved the everyday prize. So instead we are waking up to ourselves each and every day and each and every day we are forced to confront who we are and why we are. We no longer have anyone else to blame for who we are.  All obstacles have been removed. In some ways we have become the destination. The end game. We have everything and there is nothing stopping us from finding happiness because we have it all so we thought. But yet we still are not content.

Ironically I was watching Netflix Original series called Orange is the New Black, when the main character, Piper, told a young person who thought she was tough, thought she was invincible, that coming to prison strips people of all their bravado. It forces them to have to come face to face with who they are. It brings to the surface all the fears they have tried to suppress about themselves because prison forces them to have to deal with who they are in order to survive the confinement. Very much like what the famous actor was saying about fame.

Leading me to the conclusion that having everything is the equivalent of having nothing. Both become prisons until we find spiritual peace. The peace within. The peace that can’t be taken away by anyone except ourselves.  Spiritual peace comes from being at peace with who we are. It comes when the soul is at peace. It comes when the heart is at peace. It does not come from wealth. It does not come from success. It comes from being able to look in the mirror and feeling at peace with who we are and where we are and why we came here.

Lately there have been several deaths of some very high profile and “successful” people and I believe it is with intention. The intention of waking us up to the fact that life is much more than striving. Much more than chasing and obtaining dreams. Much more than becoming successful in the material sense. Life is about mastering spiritual peace. About finding contentment with who we are. Accepting that life is a journey not a destination. That even when our dreams do come true, unless we are at peace, our dream will become a nightmare for us.

And when we do find spiritual peace, it is up to us to use our spiritual peace to bring peace to those around us. Because as William Shakespeare said, “A light heart lives long.” I believe this to be true because when our hearts and souls are light, we are at peace. We become the love and light we asked to come here to be. We embody the spirit that is us.

To Robin Williams, Philip Seymor Hoffman, and all those who could not find peace with themselves, thank you for being the angels that you are because I believe you came here to show us the truth and light. To show us that material possessions matter not if we do not find peace. If we do not accept we are peace. To show us that life is not a destination, it is a journey. That when we reach the mountaintop, all we have done is surpassed one level but there will be many more to come.

May you now rest in peace. For your example I am truly grateful. For I am learning nothing matters until we have found spiritual peace. The peace within.

Replacing emptiness with joy and surrender

Feeling empty at the moment

Like something is missing

It is missing

Such a weird feeling

To be childless

So strange to have no children around

A glimpse of what is to come

When my children go on to adulthood

And leave my husband and me behind

Much sooner than I ever thought I would know this feeling

Never dreaming they would be ready to go so soon

Leaving my heart feeling empty

Restless

My hands idle

As I wait for them to contact

As I hope they are well

As I wish them well

As I send them love and light

As I wonder if they are making good decisions

As I hope they understand and remember

Every decision they make

Has a knock on effect

That one thing leads to another

That to make it

They have to be strong

Yet gracious

Considerate

Yet self-determined

That they are making a mark in the world

Every time they turn

That what they give out

They will receive in return

As a mother, I pray for them

From a well deep within

A well that never runs dry

A well that is pure and unconditional love

A well of total openness and vulnerability

A well that overflows

Because it is the well of my essence self

That is forevermore attached to my children

No matter where they are

No matter where they may go

We are always attached

Always one

Because we were one once

My heart is empty

My soul is bereft

Until I breathe

And go deep

To tap into that place

That place of connection

That place that allows me to let go

To surrender to the moment

The moment that is now

That says a mother’s love never dies

It only grows and expands with her children

A mother’s love is the purest love

When she loves herself first

And shows her children how to love

Just by being love

Without judgment

Without shame

I am missing my children this morning

The house feels empty

I look in their rooms

Expecting to see them

Expecting to hear them

Expecting to hug them

And tell them I love them

And hear them tell me they love me in return

But they are not there

Their rooms are empty

The house is quiet

Their presence missed

Physically

But felt spiritually

From that connection

That special connection that comes

When I close my eyes

And feel them with me

When I connect with them on a much deeper level

And then I remember

I only have them for a short time

So I cannot crowd them

Cannot suppress them

Cannot hold them back from who they are

And what they are here to do

So I let go

Let go of the emptiness

And allow it to become joy

Joy that they are confident enough

And sure enough

To go

Knowing there is always a place

A place for them to return

And that place goes beyond the physical

It is ethereal, spiritual and ever present

It is the place of pure and unconditional love

To my son who will be back later today

To my daughter who we will see soon

Know that you are loved

I hope you remember

No matter where you are

No matter what you become

You are loved

You are loved

You are loved

Missing you both terribly

But loving that you are growing

And expanding your horizons

Beyond the confines of our home

Remembering always

You are loved

The magic is always there

Last night I stood at the window looking out at the super moon. Its perfect roundness like the pregnant belly of a woman about to give birth. Its radiant light seeping into my soul. Filling me with abundance, joy and the belief that all is possible when I believe it is. When I surrender all to the All. When I accept every step I take, every decision I make, every choice I make, is leading me to the place I am meant to be. The place I am right now. The place I always am.

Last night I followed the moon from window to window seeking to be embraced by its magic, its love, Its light. Looking for the shooting stars that were meant to be. Wishing and hoping they would appear just for me against the backdrop of the super moon. My heart sinking each time I moved to another location and there were no shooting stars to be seen. Not one for my eyes to see. Not one for my heart to feel. There was no magic. Disappointed there was none for me.

But then I realized as I got up several times during the night hoping it would be my turn to see the magic of the shooting stars whizzing across the sky that they were there. Just not meant for me. That sometimes we have to just believe in magic without seeing it happen directly before our eyes. That sometimes the magic is happening but for others who need it more than we do but it is happening nonetheless.

That sometimes we just have to believe in what we can’t see. Even when what we are looking for, seeking does not become visible for us. And just because it is not visible for us does not mean it is not happening somewhere, someplace else for someone more needy than we are. And when it does, it does not mean we are less worthy. No it means we are already full and it is time to fill someone else.

Last night I lay in bed watching the dance of the moon through the shadows of my blinds. Hoping to see the miracle. The miracle of the shooting stars against the backdrop of the super moon. Disappointed when they did not come. Thinking of how when I was a young girl, I used to see shooting star after shooting star until I took them for granted. Until I expected they would always appear when I called upon them. But now that I am a woman they do not appear near as much. Is it because I gave up on the magic? Is it because I expect it too much? Is it because I stopped being and started seeking instead of just being where I am meant to be? As I did was when I was a child. When I made no demands on the Universe. I just did and allowed what was meant to be, to be.

Last night I stood at the windows. Moving from one window to the next seeking the magic instead of just allowing the magic to be. The magic that is all the time when I accept it is always there and it does not need to prove it exists just for me when in fact it exists for us all. Realizing this morning the magic was in the moon. The super moon that kept coming from behind the clouds. That kept coming through the clouds shining its light to remind me that the light is always there even when we think it is not. Even when I think it is not. The magic is always there even when I think it is not.

Sometimes love sneaks in

Sometimes love sneaks in and fills me up such that all I see and feel is love. Like last night when my husband of 22 years and I went out on a date night. It all began with yesterday morning when I was meditating and I had this overwhelming sense of love flood through me during my meditation. Like my soul had connected with another on a different dimension full of love. All I could see behind my closed eyes was the colour pink bursting and swirling like a screen of magic.

And when I came out of my meditation, I saw that my husband had left a note in the middle of my desk that said “Love you. Bye XXX”. When I called him, he told me, he had stood by me for a bit trying to decide what to do because he knew I was deep in my meditation. Because he had to leave,  he decided to leave me a note so when I came out of my meditation, I would not wonder where he was. Explainging the feeling of love I had felt during my meditation. A feeling that had filled me for the day. Filled me with such a feeling of pure and unconditional love.

Our son had gone to his friend’s house for a sleep over and our daughter is still away at her camp so we decided to take advantage of this free time to have a date. We got dressed and went out hand in hand to the new Indian Fusion restaurant, Ruby Murrys, in the Chancery Lane and had the best time. The food, ambiance and people that had chosen to come to the restaurant at the same time as we had made for a beautiful, romantic and fun evening. 

We laughed and talked like the couple who had met some 24 years before. Reminiscing about the path life had taken us on and will continue to take us on. Talking about how proud we are of our children’s relationship with each other. Talked about the things that concern us about them. Talked about the love we still share after all these years together and still more to come.

It was one of those pure moments that sneak up when we least expect. My husband telling me that after all these years, he is so pleased he married me. So pleased he followed his instincts from our first date when he knew I was the woman for him even though I would not allow him to kiss me. The first date where he introduced me to the philosophical side of life when he drew on a napkin that the journey is far more important than the destination. Words I never forgot. Words that when I am lost in the down of our relationship I cling to to keep me whole.

Last night was one of those magical moments in our marriage. One of those moments that I will always go back to when we face the dark side of marriage as we have done many times before and will most certainly face as we move forward in our relationships. What I have learned over the many trials and tribulations of our marriage is that love is much more than the physical. It is something that comes from a place deep down inside which comes forth such that the physical fades into nonimportance. Surpassed by the soulful and deep love that comes from our most childlike and innocent as well as vulnerable center that controls all in our lives. Such that when we tap into this place, this vulnerable place, and are willing to go with it, the love that comes is a love that is indestructible even in the face of darkness because it is a mature love. An accepting love. A sustaining love. A love that grows as we grow as individuals. A love that allows for individuality even when it scare us. Shakes us to the core.

To my husband who could not be any more opposite than me in more ways than one, but at the core we are the same, thank you for still loving me after all these years together. For still finding me attractive. For weathering so many storms with me and still making me laugh. For being a great father, partner and jack of all trades, and the greatest love of my life, thank you.

For a great date night and love, I am truly grateful. Looking forward to many more. With love and appreciation…